Law Humor

Ninth Circuit Rules in Favor of the "Association of Irritated Residents"

Posted on February 02, 2011
The plaintiffs won, and that's all I am going to pass on about this opinion on an environmental-law issue, which (no offense meant to environmental-law practitioners) is dull enough to serve as a sleep aid for Charlie Sheen. EPA provides...

Maine Bill Would Allow One-Armed Men to Use Switchblades

Posted on February 01, 2011
Despite the chaos in the Middle East, rising sea levels and dwindling oil reserves, the asteroid that is likely hurtling toward Earth as you read this, and worst of all, the possibility that there might be another sequel to "The...

Airport Security Officials Successfully Disarm Toy Soldier

Posted on January 31, 2011
Is it better or worse to know that airport security in other countries can be as stupid as ours? I can't decide. A Canadian couple that visited the Royal Signals Museum during a trip to the UK said that officials...

Clown Suit

Posted on January 28, 2011
On or about August 9, 2008, [Clown] negligently jumped onto [Plaintiff's] chest causing him to fall to the ground and sustain substantial and permanent injuries to his back. Despite repeated requests by [Plaintiff] for [Clown] to get off his chest,...

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Assorted Stupidity #12

Posted on January 27, 2011
It's Dennis Kucinich vs. the Longworth House Office Building cafeteria, in a battle to determine who should pay for injuries allegedly suffered when Rep. Kucinich bit into a sandwich wrap and encountered an olive pit. Kucinich alleges that he sustained...

Law School Websites: Girls Under Trees?

Posted on January 27, 2011
A new report that evaluated 200 law-school websites around the country, and found that the University of Illinois had the best, also noted that over 30 percent of the websites included pictures of students in close proximity to trees, a...

Filing Instructions Too Hard, Says Supreme Court Justice

Posted on January 26, 2011
On Monday, Clarence Thomas admitted that he had routinely failed to disclose information about his wife's employment, as he is required to do by federal law, but said the failure was inadvertent. Thomas, who as you may recall is an...

Have a Safe Workout

Posted on January 24, 2011
From a report of new filings last week: Chom P. v. YMCA of The East Bay, Case No. RG11-556438 (Alameda County Super. Ct. filed Jan. 18, 2011). Premises liability action where the plaintiff fell while attempting to dismount a treadmill...

Court: No Cause of Action for Gun-Safety Instructor Who Shot Himself

Posted on January 24, 2011
Hypothesis: One who announces while giving a gun-safety demonstration that he is "the only one in the room professional enough to carry this Glock 40" will shoot himself in the leg with that Glock 40 shortly thereafter. Research Protocol: Examine...

Woman Who Fell Into Fountain While Texting Threatens to Sue

Posted on January 21, 2011
"Do not text and walk," pleaded the woman who went headfirst into a shopping-mall fountain this week after doing exactly that. She was on Good Morning America apparently trying to spare other texters the same terrible fate, not because she...

Women's Suffrage: a "Costly and Dangerous Experiment"?

Posted on January 21, 2011
After I noted that a U.S. Supreme Court justice had said in an interview that the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment doesn't apply to women (hint: it wasn't Ginsburg, Kagan or Sotomayor who said this), someone wrote me...

"Radical Times Call for Radical Measures," Says Lawyer Who Dropped His Pants

Posted on January 21, 2011
I also need to give the ABA Journal credit for its headline, "Lawyer Says Dropping His Pants Was Educational Rather than Sexual." The lawyer, who has pleaded not guilty to public indecency, reportedly exposed himself to two 19-year-old men at...

Additional Charges Filed in Chicken-Parts-in-Heating-Vent Case

Posted on January 20, 2011
The Denver County DA's office has added a criminal-mischief count to the charges against a man accused of breaking into his ex-wife's home and engaging in, well, mischief. The suspect was arrested in December after the woman accused him of...

If You Don't Pay This Tax, We'll Kill This Dog

Posted on January 20, 2011
The Associated Press reported last week that local officials in the Swiss village of Reconvilier, apparently tired of people not paying the $50 annual dog-ownership tax, have taken a reasonable, measured approach to enforcement by threatening to kill any dog...

Appellate Win for Women Who Say Dr. Phil Locked Them Up With a Naked Guy

Posted on January 19, 2011
"Here's your dinner guest," Dr. Phil McGraw told the women, and then set loose a naked man. At least, that's what two women have alleged. As the THR, Esq. blog notes, that seemed like a pretty bizarre claim at first...

Well, That Was Weird

Posted on January 18, 2011
As a number of you pointed out to me this morning, it looks like there was a break in the series of tubes by which my blog somehow gets to the Internets, and all that was showing up was a...

TSA Worker Gets Two Years for Planting Logic Bomb

Posted on January 18, 2011
Wired magazine reports that a 46-year-old TSA data analyst has been sentenced to two years in prison for loading "logic bomb" software on the system at the TSA?s Colorado Springs Operations Center. The CSOC system is responsible for screening TSA...

Man Claims Emotional Distress Due to Bird Insults

Posted on January 16, 2011
The AFP reports that a Taiwanese man has sued his neighbors claiming that they trained their mynah bird to swear at him and that the bird's relentless taunting caused him serious emotional distress. Few details were available, but it appeared...

Next Wave of Litigation: Ear Candling?

Posted on January 14, 2011
On Point News reports that a Kansas woman has sued Wild Oats Markets and an "ear-candler," alleging that she was injured by a procedure, which she apparently specifically requested, that involves having someone stick a hollow candle in your ear...

New TSA Scanner Procedure Is Dumb in a New Way

Posted on January 13, 2011
I was traveling yesterday, and I wanted to let you know that the TSA has adjusted its naked-scanner policy so that it's stupid in a new and different way. This is the second time I've opted out of being scanned,...

Tax Fight Escalates as Romanian Witches Turn to Cat Excrement

Posted on January 12, 2011
Romanian witches, who are pissed off about a new law that will make it harder for them to avoid paying income tax (what, no tax-evasion spell?), are engaging in some brinksmanship in their struggle with the legislature. A couple of...

Tips on Choosing a False Identity

Posted on January 11, 2011
I really only have two. First, don't choose a name that might draw attention, such as, let's say, "Euphonius Q. Supertramp," the name on a piece of spam email I got a while back. A name like that, while awesome,...

Good Reason to Kill #12: Tried to Hide His Facebook Profile

Posted on January 10, 2011
As FindLaw's headline for this item suggests ("Despite Facebook Stabbing, Couple Stays Friends"), this actually ended reasonably well, as these things go. Reportedly, the argument was caused by a 22-year-old Indianapolis man's refusal to let his girlfriend see his Facebook...

Crocodile Dundee Planning to Sue Australia

Posted on January 10, 2011
"Come and get me, you miserable bastards," was Paul Hogan's response a couple of years ago to the news that he was being investigated for tax evasion. The Australian government said he owed it a lot more money, but Hogan,...

Why You Should Be Consulting "Big Legal Brain"

Posted on January 07, 2011
Big Legal Brain is a new blog that is a great addition to the legal-humor field. Yes, there is such a "field"; the size of that field is small but has just been embiggened by one. At your very first...

Since the Parties "Are Immune to Reason ... I Have Tried Ridicule as a Last Resort"

Posted on January 06, 2011
In a recent 31-page decision resolving a thoroughly ugly divorce, a frustrated Canadian family-law judge said he had resorted to ridicule in a final effort to get through to the parties, though it may also have been an effort to...

Figure at Center of Spanish Corruption Trial Denies Having Muchisimo Dinero

Posted on January 06, 2011
It seems like a pretty good rule of thumb that a guy who owns a tiger (1) has too much money and (2) tends to make very poor decisions. I only have two examples for this, namely Mike Tyson in...

Someone Else Not to Friend on Facebook: Your Victim

Posted on January 05, 2011
Best not to have victims at all, of course, but if you must, keep them at arm's length. FindLaw reports (via WHDH.com) that a thief was arrested in Taunton, Massachusetts, after accepting a "friend" request on Facebook by an unknown...

Malaysia: No Mocking the Sultan on Facebook

Posted on January 04, 2011
The last time I wrote about Malaysia, in 2009, a sharia court there had decided that yes, the law did indeed allow the authorities to beat a woman for the heinous offense of drinking a beer. Last week, the equally...

Don't Be Mad, Y'all -- Lawyer Mike Is Back!

Posted on January 04, 2011
In all honesty, I would have to say this is the best from "Lawyer Mike" so far: Be sure to check out Lawyer Mike's website, yo. Peace out.

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