Law Humor
Legal Antics 
Chronicling legal humor-- because let's face it-- lawyers take themselves far too seriously and the law is damn funny if you look at it through the right lens.
Post Frequency: 1.3/day Last Entry: November 18, 2009 at 10:01:00 Recent Entries: 404
By Nicole Black, Esq.
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Unlike most male lawyers, this guy is a) modest and b) likes curves
Posted on November 18, 2009Funny, charming, successful Lawyer - 32 (Upper West Side) Date: 2009-11-17, 11:26AM EST Reply To This Post Hi ladies: I'm seeking an intelligent, laid back woman with a great sense of humor. May law practice keeps me away from a...
I'm pretty sure most doctors would disagree.
Posted on November 10, 2009Just the Sort of Argument a Hair Lawyer Would Make Hair stylist: What do you do for a living? You look like a lawyer. Customer: Actually, I'm a doctor. Hair stylist: Well, that's a kind of a lawyer. Cloverdale Plaza...
"Bubble butt with brains." Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Posted on November 09, 2009Tall, Cute, Generous, Ivy League Grad seeks Bubble Butt with Brains - 39 (East Village) Date: 2009-11-06, 4:43PM EST Reply To This Post Hi. I'm an unattached, overworked attorney and have no time for dating, which is why I'm looking...
Watch out "hot babes"-this one likes to do "stuff"
Posted on November 02, 2009successful lawyer seeks woman for LTR - m4w - 38 (orlando) Date: 2009-11-01, 6:07AM EST Reply To This Post I am a 38 year old successful caucasian attorney so i need to be discreet.. My schedule is hectic and I'm...
Well that's a big surprise.
Posted on October 28, 2009Via Eavesdrop D.C.: Survey says, XXXXXXX!!!!! Juror's lounge at DC Superior Court during "on call" for jury duty. A lady's voice comes over the PA system to announce: "Would any juror like to volunteer for grand jury? The duration is...
Eh--Why not threaten a judge today? I mean really-why not?
Posted on October 27, 2009That's what this guy must have been thinking when he drafted this motion (via Above the Law):
Who are you, Nicole Black (aka @nikiblack), and what do you do?
Posted on October 26, 2009(Note--this was cross-posted at Sui Generis-a New York Law Blog as well). Some of you may wonder just that--who is Nicole Black? However, more likely than not, most of you probably don't care. I realize that--and answering that question really...
Note to self-it's NOT ok to use Craiglist for secretary w/ benefits position
Posted on October 26, 2009Apparently all these lawyers advertising on Craigslist for a secretary with benefits that I've featured in the past should have known better. Who knew? Via the ABA Journal, an attorney is now facing disciplinary charges for attempting to hire a...
Um, yeah. Because that's what I always assume when I see a happy attorney.
Posted on October 20, 2009The Loincloth and Spear Were Also a Tip-Off Associate attorney to boss: Hey! You're smiling! You must've killed a client! Reston, Virginia Overheard by: The Receptionist Hears the Darndest Things via Overheard in the Office, Oct 16, 2009
Pictures are always important for an assistant-especially when "bonuses" are involved.
Posted on October 19, 2009Personal Assistant fo Lawyer (downtown Dallas) Date: 2009-09-28, 11:34AM CDT Reply to: gigs-qwdsr-1396354665@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Attractive and high-powered Dallas Lawyer looking for a very attractive, sexy and fun female to serve as a Personal Assistant...
I second that emotion!
Posted on October 14, 2009Now Describe Yourself in One Sentence. Legal secretary: The last thing I need is to get arrested for stealing a dead woman's flowers. Salt Lake City, Utah via Overheard in the Office, Oct 12, 2009
Oh Ladies... Any takers? Anyone? Bueller?
Posted on October 13, 2009HANDSOME YOUNG ATTORNEY LOOKING FOR WOMAN OVER 35 Date: 2009-10-11, 8:33PM PDT Reply To This Post This is for women over 35 only ...no young dumb girls....and no insecure or flaky girls. I am a handsome, mature, young attorney and...
Because two lawyers are better than one?
Posted on October 12, 2009Hat tip: Scott Greenfield via Twitter (Simple Justice).
Of course not. Isn't that why we all went to law school? Because we hated science?
Posted on October 06, 200912PM Lawyers Are Not Doctors, Dear Reader Attorney #1: Back in college my girlfriend got mono, but I didn't. I attribute it to having an immune system like Vince Neil. Attorney #2: That guy could fight off the HIV! County...
Good luck ladies. You're gonna need it.
Posted on October 05, 2009Ambitious, Handsome, Successful, Smart, Happy M ISO F - 35 (Los Angeles) Date: 2009-10-04, 10:21AM PDT Reply To This Post I am successful, ambitious and confident. Very happy. Financially secure and responsible. Handsome. Sexy. Dependable. Respectful...
Just call this plaintiff "Dr. Evil"
Posted on September 30, 2009I wish I had the complaint, but this headline will have to do: Man sues BofA for "1,784 billion, trillion dollars."
I'll be in New York City on 10/8
Posted on September 28, 2009On Thursday, October 8th, 2009 I'm going to be speaking at the "Social Media for Lawyers I" conference which is being held at New York Law School from 8-11 a.m.I'm also organizing a meetup that evening at 7--see below for...
When Gen Y attends law school
Posted on September 23, 2009But Your Right to Vomit Stops Where My Shoes Begin Criminal law professor: But why shouldn't it be illegal to be intoxicated in public? Student: No one should impede my right to have a good time. --Brooklyn Law School via...
This is your law professor on drugs.
Posted on September 16, 2009We Won't Know 'til We Take the Bar Exam Law student: The professor was late the first day because he couldn't find his keys until he realized they were in the ignition of his car, and then he came in...
lawtechTalk Episode #5-Cloud Computing and Your Law Practice
Posted on September 11, 2009The fifth episode of lawtechTalk is now available. This presentation will focus on three different types of online legal technologies. In it I'll discuss the concept of "cloud computing" and explore the main features of each to help you figure...
Brief hiatus
Posted on August 30, 2009I'll be taking a week or two off from blogging, but never fear, I shall return!
You didn't learn that in law school either?
Posted on August 26, 200911AM Elvira Also Believes Her Doctor Is Psychic Woman on phone: I got a letter from the insurance agency. What should I do? Lawyer: What does the letter say? Woman: Aren't you a lawyer? Lawyer: Yes, but I need to...
Hello Ladies!
Posted on August 25, 2009Lawyer Still Seeking Travel Companion - 51 (River Oaks) Date: 2009-08-21, 8:03PM CDT Reply To This Post I first posted this yesterday, and so far I've received responses from nothing but robot scammers trying to get me to join their...
NYC Social Media Conference for Lawyers 9/21
Posted on August 22, 2009On September 21, 2009, in New York City I will be a speaker at Social Media: Risks & Rewards. This comprehensive, dynamic event will explore the inherent challenges of social media and will arm you with the specific tools necessary...
I had to include this one just for the Google hits this blog's gonna get.
Posted on August 19, 2009I'm thinking these two winners are the lawyers whokeep trying to find "dates" on Craigslist. Who's with me on this one? The End Of Western Civilization: An OINY Short Story. Lawyer #1: I saw this funny video on YouTube last...
See, cops really can be understanding.
Posted on August 17, 2009Via Texts From Last Night: (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be...
A healthy dose of pessimism never hurts a viral video.
Posted on August 11, 2009Via the Legal Blog Watch, first there was the happy Jill and Kevin's wedding dance. Lawyers looked at it and offered their own healthy does of reality: the JK Divorce Dance. Don't you just love lawyers?
That's what you get for running.
Posted on August 04, 2009Via "FMyLife"--further proof that running is simply a ridiculous form of exercise: Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby...
Using online tools to prep a legal case
Posted on August 03, 2009The fourth episode of lawtechTalk is now available. This screencast (a recording of computer screen output along with video of me discussing what is seen) will focus on using online tools to assist you with brain storming and organizing your...
Bar Examiners--Don't make me do this again!
Posted on August 03, 2009Via Texts From Last Night, a text from a lawyer the night after the bar exam: (310): we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You think she'll need to sign on the dotted line to close the deal?
Posted on July 28, 2009Lawyer seeking mistress / girlfriend - 33 (Austin) Reply to: pers-vh9mx-1272434131@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-07-15, 11:57PM CDT If you've read this far, you must not think I'm a total asshole, so I guess I'll just be direct...
Wait. They offer those in court? NYC is so craaazy.
Posted on July 27, 2009Via the New York Personal Injury Law Blog: In Bronx Supreme Court today, a woman calling out "Hand Jobs! Hand Jobs!" My inquisitive correspondent found that McLean v. Hand Jobs, Inc. (Index #350502/2008) was on for a Preliminary Conference before...
Why, he's perfect--and on Craigslist. Things that make you say "hmmm".
Posted on July 21, 2009Handsome, Successful, Funny Lawyer Looking for Hot College Girl 18-25 - 28 Date: 2009-07-18, 8:31AM PDT Reply To This Post This is for all you lovely college girls out there who are looking for a hot, smart, mature guy. I...
The complimentary burglar--the best kind.
Posted on July 20, 2009Via KFYRnew.com, a note left by a teenage burglar:
Camping-the solution to legal discontent?
Posted on July 13, 2009The Intro to Every Horror Movie from the 80's, in a Nutshell Male 30-something lawyer: I'm looking forward to this weekend. Me and my girlfriend are going camping. Male 50-something lawyer: The only thing I have left to look forward...
Start a blog--get a job
Posted on July 13, 2009I'm proud to announce that I'm now a contributing blogger at one of my favorite law blogs, Lawyerist. My first post, "Start a blog-get a job," explains how blogging can help attorneys who were recently recently laid off, are new...
Honesty-the best policy.
Posted on July 12, 2009Disgruntled Lawyer Seeks Hot Girl for Broken Plans and Disappointment - 33 (Lower East Side) Reply to: pers-jgmm9-1258273540@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-07-07, 5:02PM EDT Hi there, I'm a depressed overweight overworked balding lawyer that hates his job...
I just can't improve on the title, so why even try?
Posted on July 07, 2009Why New York's Prisons Are Overflowing Agitated man : I'm going to take that lawyer to court now! Disinterested store owner: For what? Agitated man: Not talking nice! --35th & 4th, Brooklyn Overheard by: Rhian via Overheard in New York,...
"Feast on the feces of your young" = not sexy
Posted on July 06, 2009Doesn't anyone find nerds/geeks sexy? - 35 (South Mipples) Reply to: pers-zvm9r-1223694638@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-06-15, 10:45PM CDT Alright. Here's try number 2. Why the second try? Because of all the replies I've received, I feel it...
Multiple bar exams-and a model to boot. Awesome.
Posted on July 01, 2009SEXY, TAN, MUSCULAR LAWYER / MODEL LOOKING FOR PRETTY N SMART GIRL Reply to: pers-zujsm-1234106356@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-06-22, 11:26AM PDT This is for all of the girls out there who are smart and sexy and fun....
Wish I'd know this before law school.
Posted on June 30, 2009My Therapist Says That's Why I Don't Get Any 40-something man: Hey! I know you! You're Victor's daughter, right? Teenage girl: Yeah. 40-something man: Wow, look how tall you've gotten. You probably don't remember me, but I'm a friend of...
Will lawyers *ever* get technology?
Posted on June 25, 20094PM We're Looking for a Porn Site. Lawyer, about purchasing domain name: Why don't you go through that website. What's it called? Who's your daddy dot com or something? CEO: I think that's a different kind of website, Brett. Baltimore,...
A new use for social media status reports.
Posted on June 24, 2009That's right. I just couldn't stay away. I'll continue to post over the summer, posting just won't be as predictable as before. Via Courtoons:
New blog
Posted on June 15, 2009If you're a foodie, check out my newest blog, The Epicurean Esquire. Thanks!
Summer vacation
Posted on June 14, 2009I'm going to take a summer break from this blog--a break of undetermined length. At least one month--maybe two. But, never fear--I'll be back before you know it. Try to carry on in my absence;)
If only this guy had shared just a bit more about himself...
Posted on June 10, 2009Eclectic Guy Wants to Get Out Tonight - 25 (Friendship Heights) Reply to: pers-kgf78-1208633505@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-06-06, 3:03PM EDT Hello! I'm a 25 year-old single white male. I'm 5'11 with blue eyes, and while I?m no...
Free Screencast- "Web-based Law Practice Management Systems"
Posted on June 10, 2009For a limited time, the 3rd episode of lawtechTalk, "Web-based law practice management systems" can be viewed for FREE. This screencast (a recording of computer screen output along with video of me discussing what is seen) will focus on three...
The guy was lying--lawyers don't know how to make small talk.
Posted on June 09, 2009Via FMyLife: Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML
How to make friends and influence judges.
Posted on June 08, 2009Via Lawyerist, we learn that saying "Screw You" to a judge in written and verbal form is the way Ashton O'Dwyer Jr. influences people. Whether his approach was successful remains to be seen. Mr. O'Dwyer's entire handwritten response to the...
How to pick up chicks if you're a lawyer.
Posted on June 02, 2009Sexy bathroom advertisement lawyer - w4m - 25 (Unidentified bar in Katy) Reply to:pers-yem9w-1194917172@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-05-29, 10:48AM CDT So there I was, perched on a toilet in some random bar in Katy. I admit that...
Art through the eyes of a lawyer.
Posted on June 01, 2009Via Overheard in New York: Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability. --Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA
Examples of how *not* to advertise
Posted on May 28, 2009Via Esquire, Five Lawyer Ads That Make Any Supreme Court Candidate Look Brilliant:
And there are pictures, too!
Posted on May 27, 2009Handsome, Sweet & Hung Lawyer Coming to Town - Tuesday Night Only - m4w - 29 (My Hotel - Midtown) Reply to:pers-caumt-1188942101@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-05-26, 2:31AM EDT So you pretty much have all the facts now...I....
Sadly, I'm not even kind of surprised that this occurred.
Posted on May 26, 2009His Private Life Is Irrelevant, Counselor. Attorney on conference call: Your honor, opposing counsel is beating a dead whore! New Orleans, Louisiana Overheard by: Glad she's not a dead whore via Overheard in the Office, May 26, 2009
Not sure of that would have passed the character and fitness test.
Posted on May 19, 2009Via Texts From Last Night, one of my newest favorite blogs (created by lawyers, coincidentally), comes the following: (919): I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let...
Because muscles make the lawyer.
Posted on May 18, 2009Via Craiglist: looking for a young handsome ruthless lawyer with a back bone (needed north of the city) Reply to: job-ykxc4-1141217470@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-04-26, 4:00PM EDT I am looking for a young, dark haired, muscular, confident...
Sometimes it's not so bad being a lawyer...
Posted on May 12, 2009A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens. He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go....
Henry sounds like a real winner.
Posted on May 11, 2009Looking for a young, sexy secretary (Ann Arbor) Reply to: mcbrands@live.com [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-04-15, 4:10PM EDT I'm a defense attorney with my own profitable law practice in Ann Arbor. I have recently purchased a small building...
Who's Joining Me at the "Get A Life" Conference?
Posted on May 06, 2009UPDATE: New pricing announced! VIP Package: $750 - Includes Get A Life.? Conference, Cocktail Hour at Millenium Park Grill, Presidents' Dinner, Wrigley Rooftop Cubs Game, FREE 1 Year Membership to Total Practice Management Association, Materials CD, Access to Conference Online...
The waay lawyers think.
Posted on May 04, 2009A priest, a doctor, and an lawyer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Lawyer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such...
lawtechTalk-The "Consumer Reports" for legal technology
Posted on April 30, 2009I've started a new legal technology consulting business, lawtechTalk. lawtechTalk helps you understand valuable Internet and Web 2.0 technologies and how to incorporate them into your law practice to maximize efficiency and save time and money. lawtechTalk brings the most...
My advice: Work on your opening. The rest is sort of ok.
Posted on April 28, 2009Unpretentious lawyer looking for a monogamous relationship - 54 Reply to: pers-rcapn-1139506908@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-04-25, 11:39AM EDT Hi. Here's my story: I would have been very content if I had married my high school sweetheart and...
Makes perfect sense to me.
Posted on April 27, 2009Ad: Kosher Toilet Paper-- We Answer to a Lower Power Lawyer: And what do you sell? Jury candidate: I used to sell diamonds. Now, in the depression...I sell toilet paper to religious people. --Centre Street via Overheard in New York,...
If this guy's really a lawyer, one can only hope he's disbarred.
Posted on April 20, 2009Attractive Male Seeking Hot Female 4 Impossible Plutonic Friendship - m4w - 30 (South Denver) Reply to: pers-qjczq-1113516729@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-04-08, 4:10PM MDT Well, well, well. You must be an optimist. Do you believe that a...
I think this guy's onto something...
Posted on April 15, 2009Via Courtoons come the following comic:
Somehow he skipped the whole law school thing. I'm so jealous.
Posted on April 14, 2009Hot rich lawyer looking for gold digging female - 28 (NYC) Reply to: pers-yedrk-1114857950@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-04-09, 3:52PM EDT I am a lawyer, fresh of out of college making more money a year than you will...
A law student who breaks the mold...
Posted on April 13, 2009Why Do You Think I Went to Law School? Law student #1: Are you applying for the TA position? Law student #2: No. Law student #1: Why not? Law student #2: I'm not interested in helping people. --Fordham Law School...
It's funny because it kinda true...
Posted on April 08, 2009Via Courtoons comes the following comic:
No really--just some time in a hot tub. That's all.
Posted on April 07, 2009Lawyer seeks Hot Tub Companion (SF) Reply to: gigs-89urj-1105838670@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-04-03, 2:26PM PDT Attractive, nice and fun 30-something lawyer seeks young, attractive companionship for an hour at the hot tubs...
Perhaps honesty isn't always the best policy...
Posted on April 06, 20099AM Thankfully, Larry Would Learn How to Be a Better Criminal in Jail Lawyer: Did you know there was a gun in the house? Defendant: No. Lawyer: Did you hold the gun at any point? Defendant: No. Lawyer: Did you...
I'm from a family of doctors, so I'm gonna have to say: "No comment."
Posted on April 01, 2009Via Courtoons:
"Somewhat of a law student"???
Posted on March 31, 2009You: love Radiohead or have a good reason as to why you dont - m4w - 25 (Cary) Reply to: pers-abnp3-1084512667@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-03-20, 8:21PM EDT I am a 25 year old guy who is new...
Yeah! Cops don't do that-unless they're wearing navy blue.
Posted on March 30, 2009Officers Had Probable Cause to Administer a Field Civics Test Girl: So, I'm really scared because I got jury duty. I don't want to be in the same room as a criminal. Paralegal: Well, maybe they're not a criminal. That's...
Gosh, you'll do it for *free*? What a deal!
Posted on March 24, 2009Lawyer looking for Model/Actress Needing FREE Green Card - 31 (Midtown East) Reply to: pers-4jdmn-1086370168@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-03-22, 9:31AM EDT I am willing to marry a girl looking for a Permanent Green Card for FREE, provided...
No wonder my kids are always late to school. It all makes sense now.
Posted on March 23, 2009You Have No Cause Of Legal Action Attorney on phone: The thing is that, it is not the teacher's responsibility to get your kids out of bed, it's yours. Ellicott Square Building Buffalo, New York Overheard by: wonders if they...
I'm not even sure what to say about this particular colleague.
Posted on March 17, 2009Have me at Hello.......with a Walk in the Clouds..or As You Wish - 36 (intown atl (ITP)) Reply to: pers-1047833915@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-02-23, 9:48PM EST I've often been described personality wise as a cross between Jerry...
See what law school does to you? It's just wrong, I say.
Posted on March 16, 2009We Can Honestly Say You'll Be the Coolest Tort-Themed Bicycle Gang in New York Female law student: We're going to start a bicycle gang called The Tortuous Tigers. Male law student: Yeah, we can ride all over Brooklyn wreaking havoc...
An entire generation-ruined.
Posted on March 12, 2009Via the Onion, Year Of Law School Now Mandatory For Nation's 25-Year-Olds:WASHINGTON?Under the provisions of a bill approved by Congress and signed into law Tuesday, every 25-year-old American, regardless of prior life commitments, is now legally obligated to enroll in...
After This Ad, 50% of Male Attorneys Can No Longer Sleep at Night
Posted on March 10, 2009Via Craigslist:mr. hot shot attorney - (i hope u know) Reply to: pers-qyaqy-1060902370@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-03-04, 5:44PM AKST yes, you. and you know who you are. you drive me crazy. every time i sit across from...
Judges say the darndest things
Posted on March 08, 2009Via Overheard in New York:Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480... (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes...
If lawyers talked like they wrote
Posted on February 25, 2009Via Courtoons comes the following comic:
Programming Update
Posted on February 25, 2009Posting will be intermittent over the next week as this blogger soaks up the sun in Florida.
Wouldn't surprise me to learn that this guy aced the bar.
Posted on February 24, 2009Where Lawyers Come FromSpazzed customer: Yo, dude, I need something to help me concentrate. I have to take a really big test and then I can forget it all. I have to take the bar -- have you heard of...
Bummer. And I was so tempted to reply.
Posted on February 23, 2009Hot SWM seeking Asian Woman - 40 (Newport Beach) Reply to: pers-1031409625@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-02-11, 8:38PM PST Me . . . very intelligent (multiple graduate degrees & business owner); family-oriented but never married & no kids (for real); yoga &...
How to argue like a lawyer.
Posted on February 18, 2009Via Funny and Jokes:Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases. Memorize this list: Let me put it this wayIn terms of Vis-a-visPer se As it wereQua So to speak You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as ?Q.E.D.?, ?e.g.?,...
Bad cop. Or, at least, bad technique. Very, very bad.
Posted on February 17, 2009Hat tip: Fail blog.
No, not all lawyers--just some lawyers.
Posted on February 11, 2009A lawyer joke for you:A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink. A few minutes later, he says to no one in particular, ?All lawyers are assholes.? The fellow next to him lit into him. ?How dare you...
If by "girl" he means "English teacher", then I totally get it.
Posted on February 10, 2009Lonley Lawyer Seeks Girl To Play With - m4w - 31 (Lexington) Reply to: pers-1018020543@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-02-02, 4:28PM EST I am a passionate man who knows what he wants in life, unfortunately, I work so much that I never...
That's the problem with reading those crazy law books.
Posted on February 09, 20092PM I Was Like, "Shoot!" Lawyer to client: I have a concealed handgun license. I used to carry my gun with me all the time, but then I found out it's illegal to carry a weapon and be intoxicated.Guadalupe StreetAustin,...
Silly cops-big words are for lawyers.
Posted on February 04, 2009Via Lawyerist, cop talk converted to human talk: He indicated? He said I have been employed by? I worked for I exited the patrol vehicle? I got out of the car I observed? I saw I ascertained the location of...
Sure. What the hell.
Posted on February 03, 2009Death row Florida inmate applies to become a member of Florida's Supreme Court: Hat tip: Above the Law
Lawyer fees=$20-$40/ hour. I know we're in a recession, but--C'MON!
Posted on February 02, 2009Via Lawyerist, spotted on Craigslist: I?m looking for a licensed lawyer (if you just graduated and passed the bar and can legally practice) with experience in family law (that?s looking for more experience and references)to assist me with my custody....
Those crazy law clerks.
Posted on January 30, 2009Here's a comic from a great new legal humor blog I recently discovered, Courtoons:
Shortly thereafter--the thrill was gone.
Posted on January 27, 20091PM Ohmigah, a Photocopier? Cute! Law student intern #1: on first day: Wow, look, we get cubicles!Law student intern #2: Oh my god! This is so cool. It's just like on The Office!VancouverCanadiavia Overheard in the Office, Jan 23, 2009
This is another lawyer disclaimer, capiche?
Posted on January 26, 2009Yet another feisty lawyer disclaimer, this time compliments of taxgirl, aka Kelly Phillips Erb.And finally, let?s make sure we understand a couple of things, ok? 1. Unless you have a representation letter in hand, you and I don?t have an...
Says who?
Posted on January 22, 2009Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more criminal law cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
My Newest Blog-Legal Tweets
Posted on January 21, 2009I've started a new blog called Legal Tweets, which covers legal topics trending on Twitter, the micro-blogging service that many lawyers have joined in recent months.Check it out and tell all your friends!
Yet another reason lawyers win the popularity contest...
Posted on January 21, 20095PM I Prefer Working in the Gutters Of Society Arrogant attorney, in disgust: I would never do yard work. It would make me feel...poor.Washington, DCvia Overheard in the Office, Jan 15, 2009
Sadly, people actually responded...
Posted on January 20, 2009to this satirical job posting on Craigslist (hat tip ABA Journal):-----------------------------Associate Attorney (Midtown West) Reply to: job-991754136@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-13, 5:41PM EST Fast-paced 20-attorney law firm looking for an eager associate to join our growing practice...
Best Legal Disclaimer Ever
Posted on January 19, 2009Thanks to Debra Snider for pointing out (on Twitter) the best lawyer disclaimer ever from Valorem Law Group:Disclaimer (Normally we would put this in really small print, but several leading eye physicians have advised us to stick to larger fonts)....
Come Learn With Me at Solo Practice University
Posted on January 16, 2009I'm thrilled to announce that I've joined the faculty at Solo Practice University?, a web-based educational community that will help you learn about the one thing that most law schools fail to teach: the "practice of law." At Solo Practice...
Goldilocks-felon in the making.
Posted on January 15, 2009Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more criminal law cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
He's also really modest-with good reason.
Posted on January 13, 2009SEXY, TAN, MUSCULAR LAWYER / MODEL LOOKING FOR PRETTY N SMART GIRL Reply to: pers-979396128@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-03, 8:32PM PST Are there any girls out there with beauty and brains? Seems like a rarity I guarantee that total package. I...
An example of why lawyers are oh-so-popular.
Posted on January 12, 200912PM Can't You at Least Get Your Guide Dog to Do It for You? Male disability attorney, venting to paralegal: I just kept thinking. Seriously, how can you not get your paperwork done? You're disabled, what else do you have...
Bushisms over the years
Posted on January 08, 2009Via this Yahoo article, some awesome Bushisms:? "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." ? September 2000, explaining his energy policies at an event in Michigan. ? "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" ?...
Bitter Lawyer-Yale
Posted on January 07, 2009Yet another episode of the hysterical series, Bitter Lawyer. I bring you "Yale":
He's awfully demanding-and apparently very, very clean.
Posted on January 06, 2009Attractive Fun, Passionate,Spontaneous Lawyer Seeking A Sexy Fun Woman - 33 (OC ( CDM ) Please be Cuie) Reply to: pers-900467546@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-10-31, 7:32AM PDT Please read the ad, and be looking for the same thing. I gave this...
He's just being honest.
Posted on January 05, 200912PM We're Still on For Tonight's Lingerie Pillow-Fight, Right? Male attorney to another: We're not going to circulate this externally, not yet. If we want to do that internally, that's fine--that can be just between us girls.Bethesda, Marylandvia Overheard in...
Happy New Year!
Posted on December 31, 2008See you next year! In the meantime, from me to you-Happy New Year!
Great question.
Posted on December 30, 2008A lawyer joke for you: A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, ?Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam...
I wondered that very same thing about 1/2 my law school colleagues.
Posted on December 29, 2008Only Metaphysically. Student: Isn't all truth metaphysical by this standard?Law professor: Are you stoned?UC HastingsSan Francisco, CaliforniaOverheard by: Loving thisvia Overheard Everywhere, Dec 18, 2008
Happy Holidays!
Posted on December 24, 2008Legal Antics will be on a brief hiatus until the weekend. In the meantime-Happy Holidays!
To my fellow members of the tribe...
Posted on December 22, 2008Happy Hanukkah! Enjoy the rest of the holiday and while you're at it, enjoy the following from the Fail Blog:
Clients do the darndest things.
Posted on December 19, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more criminal law cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
I gotta hand it to you Mr. President.
Posted on December 18, 2008Your instinctively lightning quick response to an unexpected shoe flying at your face was pretty adept. Too bad the rest of your instincts during the last two terms weren't quite as impressive.
Damn those Sudanese refugees!
Posted on December 17, 20085PM What If We Bribe You with Cake? Lawyer: You know they are bringing in immigrants and everything.Conference caller: I don't know if I want to testify against a Sudanese refugee! Do we have to?Lawyer: Something tells me we are...
The Divine Queen of the Almighty Eternal Creator Addresses the California Supreme Court
Posted on December 15, 2008Thanks to the Box Turtle Bulletin for pointing out this gem of an amicus curaie brief. Some choice snippets from the brief:After a night full of dreams, before dawn of November 11, 2008, before I woke up in the morning,...
Just toys? Bummer.
Posted on December 12, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more lawyer cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
Obviously.
Posted on December 09, 2008Via Overheard in New York:Awesome judge: If you do not have a basic understanding of the English language, you will not be able to serve. If you cannot understand what I'm saying, please come up now. Now, two translators will...
Lawyer holiday greetings
Posted on December 08, 2008Thanks to Denise Howell for pointing out this ABA holiday card:
But, it's such a practical defense!
Posted on December 05, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more lawyer cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
How to really talk to cops.
Posted on December 03, 2008Via Cracked.com comes this useful primer on how to talk to "da man". Some of my favorite pointers: When you see the familiar lights of a police car flashing in your rear view mirror, your immediate instinct is going to...
Jonathan Lee Riches attacks again.
Posted on December 02, 2008Via Above the Law, it appears that Jonathan Lee Riches, one of the most prolific pro se litigants of all time, has filed a motion to intervene in MDY v. Blizzard, asserting that World of Warcraft caused him to live...
This should have happened a long time ago.
Posted on December 01, 2008Thanks to a regular reader for pointing out this Radio News "story" from the Onion:
"Insecure, moody and fairly damaged"? Say no more-I'm sold!
Posted on November 25, 2008From a recent Craiglist posting:Perfect on Paper - 24 Here's the thing, it's easy for people to lie about themselves, or even tell the truth but spin it. Given that, I can make myself look pretty damn good without saying...
Because oxycondone fixes everything.
Posted on November 24, 20081PM Don't Practice Law Without It Worker #1: I mean, I just want to tell them I can't make them feel better. *Bob* can't make them feel better. *Katrina* can't make them feel better. Their doctors can't make them feel...
The headline says it all.
Posted on November 20, 2008Bush: 'I regret saying some things I shouldn't have said' (CNN)"I regret saying some things I shouldn't have said," Bush told CNN's Heidi Collins when asked to reflect on his regrets over his two terms as president. "Like 'dead or...
Mild-mannered law student by day...
Posted on November 19, 2008Bad-ass laptop defender by night:ASU student Alex Botsios said he had no problem giving a nighttime intruder his wallet and guitars.When the man asked for Botsios' laptop, however, the first-year law student drew the line."I was like, 'Dude, no --...
See what the law can do to your morale?
Posted on November 18, 20085PM The Highest Aspiration in Norristown Young attorney #1: I look like an old woman in this coat.Young attorney #2: Maybe a slutty old woman.Young attorney #1: I wish I was a slutty old woman.Norristown, Pennsylvaniavia Overheard in the Office,...
"Sexy time"? Borat? Is that you?
Posted on November 17, 2008Lawyer Is LOOKING FOR A SEXY FEMALE PERSONAL ASSISTANT (Downtown LA) Reply to: gigs-902322956@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-11-01, 6:50PM PDT The job: answer the phone, organize my agenda, book meetings, pick me up or drop me off at the airport. Shopping...
Gen Y in action
Posted on November 14, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more lawyer cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
Bitter Lawyer-Gayholm Sydrome
Posted on November 12, 2008It's episode 5 of the Bitter Lawyer, for your viewing enjoyment:
Sure, if by "chat" you mean "I run like hell"
Posted on November 11, 2008It Says Here the Mule Consented? Cop: You know there's a warrant out for your arrest, right?Guy with arm in cast: Oh, really?Cop: Yeah... So we should probably have a chat about that.Town CourtDuanesburg, New YorkOverheard by: 91 in a...
Calling all bald lawyers...
Posted on November 10, 2008cute girl seeking bald lawyer - 20 (south hadley) Reply to: pers-870818069@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-10-08, 12:52AM EDT Hi there. I like shoes and music and pillow fights in the rain and Leibniz and whales, and I'm looking for a bald...
Attorney lunch.
Posted on November 05, 2008It seems that Freeborn & Peters, LLP is a Chicago law firm with a sense of humor. Or, at least a firm that allows their associates to have one.On their website, they ask: What happens when you let your Associates...
All that--and a lawyer to boot!
Posted on November 04, 2008Via Craigslist:**********handsome sexy New York Lawyer Reply to: pers-866705972@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-10-05, 4:19AM MSD no children willing to come to meet you and then have vacation in Jamaica help you with modeling career you must be slender and super model...
Tell me I'm not the only one reminded of negotiations with their offspring?
Posted on November 04, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more lawyer cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
Because listening is so overrated.
Posted on November 03, 20083PM I Will Now Return to My Reverie, Already in Progress Lawyer on phone: Ya know, I wasn't really paying attention to what you were saying, but I am leaning towards agreeing with you.St. Petersburg, FloridaOverheard by: IWNDRYvia Overheard in...
Ain't that the truth.
Posted on October 31, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Bitter Lawyer
Posted on October 29, 2008Yet another webisode of the hysterical "Bitter Lawyer" series. Watch it. It's funny.Red Wine-Season 1 Episode 4
A match made in heavan.
Posted on October 28, 2008I say we introduce this chick to the "older attorney" from yesterday. Am I right or am I right?And They Can Afford to Breed With You Female law student in interview suit: I just get along with older white guys....
You had me at "older".
Posted on October 27, 2008From a recent Craiglist listing:Older Attorney Seeks Younger Girlfriend - 39 Call it a mid-life crisis, but I want a younger girlfriend. I'm 6'0", 195lb., and of German-Italian heritage, divorced with no kids. I'm a former pentathlete, so I'm in...
Judges can be so picky.
Posted on October 24, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more criminal law cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
What happens when you file a hard boiled egg with the Court.
Posted on October 22, 2008Via Lowering the Bar comes the following oh-so-humorous Order (click to enlarge each page):
The Bitter Lawyer-Webisode 4
Posted on October 21, 2008Season 1, Epiisode 4 in the Bitter Lawyer Series for your viewing amusement: Red Wine.
God prevails. For now.
Posted on October 20, 2008As reported in this AP article, last year Nebraska Senator Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God, and alleged that God made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents and inspired fear and...
You get what you pay for.
Posted on October 17, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more criminal law cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
More crazy case names:
Posted on October 15, 2008Via Lowering the Bar:I Am The Beast Six Six Six of the Lord of Hosts in Edmond Frank MacGillivray Jr. Now. I Am The Beast Six Six Six of the Lord of Hosts IEFMJN. I Am The Beast Six Six...
That's one way to get a job...
Posted on October 14, 2008From a recent Craigslist posting:Are you a lonely lawyer? - 24 Maybe we can do something about that. I'm an ambitious 3L at a good school, and I'd really like to land a job at a terrific firm. Unfortunately, my...
Yeah, it sure is "funny".
Posted on October 10, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more criminal law cartoons, visit www.Stus.com:
The Slacker's Guide to Law School
Posted on October 08, 2008For those of you in law school or thinking about law school, The Slacker's Guide to Law School-Success Without Stress, written by Juan Doria is a must-read. I wish it had been around when I was in law school. It...
Hard to believe it...
Posted on October 08, 2008These are truly case names: United States v. 11 1/4 Dozen Packages of Articles Labeled in Part Mrs. Moffat?s Shoo-Fly Powders for Drunkenness, 40 F. Supp. 208 (W D.N.Y. 1941) (holding product was misbranded because it was not in fact...
But, he looks like a prisoner.
Posted on October 07, 2008Surprisingly, (ok, not surprisingly), an appellate court concluded that the following was not acceptable:(Whereupon, the following proceedings were held outside the presence and hearing of the jury.) COURT: All right. Mr. Shaw, let?s have an understanding here...
By I am sorry, I mean...
Posted on October 06, 2008You, sir, are an asshole. Ok, that's not what was really said, but it may as well have been: Hat tip: Above the Law.
Such a timely comic...
Posted on October 03, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic. For more criminal law cartoons, visit www.Stus.com
The Love Court
Posted on October 01, 2008I'm baaaack. Did you miss me? Via Above the Law comes this Craiglist love connection:You: Plaintiff - m4m - 33 (DC Superior Court) Reply to: pers-847863619@craigslist.org Date: 2008-09-20, 12:02AM EDT You were one of like three guys in the room...
Up Against a Deadline
Posted on September 21, 2008I apologize, but I'm going to have to take one week off in order to meet a few rapidly approaching deadlines, including the deadline for the update for the West treatise that I co-author: Criminal Law in New York, 4th....
The law and Web 2.0 collide.
Posted on September 19, 2008And, it sure ain't pretty: Hat tip: ReadWriteWeb
Talk to me George. Talk to me.
Posted on September 18, 2008Great Moments in Presidential Speeches 14-03-2008Uploaded by janolabs
The Bitter Lawyer-webisode 4
Posted on September 17, 2008Here's the next installment of the Bitter Lawyer--Red Wine.
This one is causing me painful flashbacks to my PD days.
Posted on September 16, 20082PM For a Fraction of the Price New client: Excuse me, but I think there's been a mistake. I don't need to see an attorney. I thought I made an appointment to meet with a legal aide... A legal... You...
Talk about reading into things.
Posted on September 15, 2008Via Craigslist:Today at Jury Duty - w4m - 30 (Orange County - 9th Circuit) Reply to: pers-826397082@craigslist.org Date: 2008-09-04, 12:21AM EDT I know this is a far attempt....You were the defense attorney on Wednesday in courtroom 9a. You asked me....
The Bitter Lawyer-webisode 3
Posted on September 10, 2008Here's installment three of the hysterical Bitter Lawyer webisodes. This one's called "The Typo" and can be viewed here.
Best lawyer bio. ever
Posted on September 09, 2008I wish all lawyers had a sense of humor like this:Kevin, a Shareholder practicing in Otten Johnson's real estate group, was raised by penguins following a childhood boating accident. He graduated magna cum laude from Colby College, where he learned...
When legislation collides with reality.
Posted on September 08, 2008Attorney Edward Wiest pointed out the following hysterical excerpt of an essay by a cruise ship passenger held hostage by the Jones Act of 1917 (from the Without Baggage blog):...When we reached Juneau, I had to return to Los Angeles....
Yup. That's what we're paid to do.
Posted on September 05, 2008Via Future Lawyer comes the following comic:
Negotiation 101
Posted on September 03, 2008A lawyer joke for you: A golfer stands at the tee, looks off towards the green and swings his driver. He hooks the ball over a hill onto the next fairway. "Fore!" shouts the golfer as his ball drifts out...
Bitter lawyer. So bitter.
Posted on September 02, 2008I offer you the second "webisode" of Bitter Lawyer's "Living the Life", Connotative, Denotative, wherein Nick experiments with lawyer humor.
Not that there's anything wrong with quoting Seinfeld
Posted on September 01, 2008Who says judges don't have a sense of humor? Certainly not this blogger! Case in point, the Maryland Court of Appeals recently quoted the Seinfeld episode where Jerry returns a wig out of spite in a footnote in an opinion:Clerk:...
It's what we call "shooting yourself in the foot"
Posted on August 29, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
eBay, a versatile tool for lawyers
Posted on August 26, 20083PM You Seem to Be Missing My Point Deliberately Senior editor: I know! I could sue the company. I injured my toenail at a company event. What do you think loss of a toenail is worth?Writer: I don't know. See...
Bitter Lawyer
Posted on August 26, 2008I just discovered Bitter Lawyer, and what a discovery! It's got hysterical news coverage, advice columns, articles and blog posts. But, best of all, it has webisodes! That's right, webisodes! of an online series a la "The Office", but for...
Makes sense to me.
Posted on August 20, 2008A few rather creative quotes from insurance claims for you on this fine Wednesday: Windshield broke. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo. No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened. I had been learning to drive with power...
Oh, who has time for you people, anyway?
Posted on August 19, 2008Via the Legal Profession blog--a lawyer with no time for that silly old disciplinary committee: While attempting to serve the Respondent, the Office of the Disciplinary Counsel investigator...spoke with Respondent's wife, who advised the investigator that she had spoken to...
Selective amnesia
Posted on August 18, 2008Thankfully, Larry Would Learn How to Be a Better Criminal in Jail Lawyer: Did you know there was a gun in the house? Defendant: No. Lawyer: Did you hold the gun at any point? Defendant: No. Lawyer: Did you threaten...
Clarification is good.
Posted on August 15, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Ah, George. I got nothing. Nothing.
Posted on August 14, 2008Apparently, we've got more in common than I thought:
Your tax dollars at work
Posted on August 13, 2008I'm pretty sure this is from a commercial, but it's still damn funny:
What was the date again?
Posted on August 12, 2008Because the witness' response is funnier than anything I can come up with: Lawyer: "Now, isn't it true that on the 5th of November last year, you rode naked through the streets on top of a dustcart, letting off fireworks,...
Well, the question itself was so vague, who can blame the little girl?
Posted on August 11, 2008Wrong on All Counts Teacher: Who was the first African-American woman court justice? Girl: Judge Judy! --Leon M. Goldstein High School, Brooklyn Overheard by: Robert via Overheard in New York, Jul 5, 2008
Run away! Run away! Keep running!
Posted on August 07, 2008Yes, the title of this post is a Monty Python reference, but this video, brought to you via Quizlaw, is really all about el presidente.
That's right. We read.
Posted on August 06, 2008To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only...
Yeah, legal research is for losers.
Posted on August 05, 2008Via the Legal Profession Blog comes this unbelievable exchange set forth in a footnote in this opinion from the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit. Thanks to Edward Wiest for pointing this out to me. Phipps: . ....
Yet another judge breaks into verse.
Posted on August 04, 2008And, this time it's a limerick. Via Quizlaw, a judge's rather creative way of advising counsel that the Complaint was far too long: Plaintiff has a great deal to say, But it seems he skipped Rule 8(a). His Complaint is...
TWiL Podcast
Posted on July 29, 2008Recently, I was lucky enough to be invited by the inimitable Denise Howell to participate in one of the most well known legal podcasts, TWiL. The podcast is now available here. In TWiL 16, host Denise Howell, Ernie Svenson, Marty...
More free legal advice
Posted on July 22, 2008Bad acting does not a mistrial make. Via Lowering the Bar, comes the following hysterical video. Rather than re-create the wheel, I'll simply use the inimitable Kevin Underhill's description, since he's one of the funniest lawyers around: This story shows...
Breaking news! A law firm with a sense of humor.
Posted on July 22, 2008And, in other news, pigs fly. The ABA Law Journal tipped me off to this unusually funny law firm website--the Lawyer Job Interview Translator. Halleland, Lewis, Nilan and Johnson actually gets Web 2.0 and Gen Y! Somebody, pinch me, please!
Free legal advice
Posted on July 21, 2008Things not to say during a traffic stop: ? I was smoking, I was smoking marijuana. It's right here in my ashtray. I just picked up an eighth, here it is. I smoked a bowl's worth. I was just smoking...
Settlement talks = oxymoron
Posted on July 17, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Yet another judge breaks into verse
Posted on July 15, 2008Via Quizlaw, comes yet another judge who can simply cannot refrain from creative expression when faced with a 465 page complaint: Plaintiff has a great deal to say, But it seems he skipped Rule 8(a). His Complaint is too long,...
Because, if she didn't have legal skills, she'd be totally unqualified.
Posted on July 14, 2008Via Above the Law comes this rather peculiar Craigslist job posting: Help Wanted: Concubine - m4w - 35 (Upper East Side) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Job Description: You will regularly provide sexual services as needed and on demand...
Summer schedule
Posted on July 11, 2008F or the rest of the summer, I'll be taking Friday's off, as I work on the 2007-8 supplement to my West criminal law treatise. Regular posting will resume in September.
Gun with whiskey glass attachment.
Posted on July 08, 2008If you added an attachable ashtray, this particular gun cold be the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearm's logo:
Another lawyer joke.
Posted on July 07, 2008Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke,...
Ain't that the truth.
Posted on July 03, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Well, they are black men. And, this is New York City.
Posted on June 30, 2008Isn't that enough? (And, just to clarify, my commentary is dripping with sarcasm, criminal defense attorney that I am) If So, I'll Need Big Trash Bags and Ten Minutes in My Apartment Dispatcher's voice on walkie talkie: Four black males...
Oh c'mon--it was so worth it.
Posted on June 27, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Ain't that the truth.
Posted on June 26, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
I always find that randomly citing "Roe v. Wade" stops my opponents in their tracks.
Posted on June 25, 2008I learned it from this guy...here's a court transcript of his arraignment. It made me laugh, but I feel a bit guilty for doing so. The defendant clearly has issues: Judge Wilson explains, (this) "was a rather feeble attempt to...
Pro se litigants are the best.
Posted on June 24, 2008I would like to introduce you to an extremely litigious pro se inmate, Harry Franklin. Back in 1983, Mr. Franklin was a thorn a certain district court judge's side, to say the least. At the time that this decision was...
Just another version of "my lawyer is bigger than yours"
Posted on June 23, 2008My School Has an Appellate Division Eight-year-old boy, carrying real but child-size golf clubs: I have two lawyers, don't I daddy? Father: Yes. Eight-year-old friend: I have three. --18th & Broadway via Overheard in New York, Jun 5, 2008
Silly kids. Litigation is for grown ups!
Posted on June 20, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
I have absolutely no comment whatsoever.
Posted on June 18, 20089AM But She Bills You for a 14 Peon: Did you see that chick last night? She was so hot. After the meeting, Eric* made a beeline for her. Co-worker: Oh, yeah? She was hot? Peon: Well, in the real...
Who are you calling an oxymoron?
Posted on June 17, 2008Came across this today and thought it was laugh-worthy: The word "oxymoron" is from a combination of Greek words for "smart" and "stupid," and it is used to describe a phrase that has an internal conflict or contradiction, such as...
I challenge you, my esteemed colleague, to a barroom brawl.
Posted on June 16, 2008Via Lowering the Bar comes the following rather unique pleading:
Can't forget about the lawyers.
Posted on June 13, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Honesty is always the best policy.
Posted on June 11, 2008Thanks to a regular reader, Beej, for pointing this out to me:
Lawyer can be such charming conversationalists.
Posted on June 10, 2008You Are All Coming to My Beat Poetry Jam, Right? Attorney: Wait until I get into my fecal matter/colon thing. New York City, New York via Overheard in the Office, May 30, 2008
C'mon BarBri let's go party.
Posted on June 09, 2008Oh, BarBri. Oh the memories. Hat tip: Above the Law.
Respectfully, your Honor, that's a silly question.
Posted on June 06, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Way to think on your feet, mi amigo.
Posted on June 04, 2008A lawyer joke for you. And, it's a funny one: Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers,...
Things seem to have changed a bit since I studied for the NY bar.
Posted on June 03, 2008Via Quizlaw, yet another unusual law-related Craislist listing, since removed from the site: DE-STRESS B4 THE BAR EXAM ? WEEKLY ORGY FOR RECENT LAW SCHOOL GRADS The NY bar exam is coming? It?s a time of intense study for recent...
His parents must be litigious.
Posted on June 02, 2008The Emotional Distress Alone Will Cost You Four-Weeks' Allowance Little boy #1: I'm going to smash your bike! Little boy #2: Well, if you smash my bike, I'm going to get a lawyer and sue you! --Central Park via Overheard...
A is for adverse possession...
Posted on May 30, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Obama's sixth sense.
Posted on May 29, 2008Is Obama the next Bush? "On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes ? and I see many of them in the audience here today ? our sense of patriotism is particularly strong." Hat...
Yeah. That'd upset me as well.
Posted on May 28, 2008Another courtroom transcript for you: Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? Witness: He said, "Where am I Cheryl?" Attorney: And why did that upset you? Witness: My name is Kathy.
Hold the cheese. And my pants.
Posted on May 27, 2008Via Above the Law comes this amusing email circulated following a law firm's "wine and cheese party: Last night we had a wine and cheese event. Today, the e-mail below was circulated. ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: [Redacted] To: "DL...
Kids these days.
Posted on May 23, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
It's all even in the end.
Posted on May 21, 2008A lawyer joke for your reading enjoyment: Taking his seat in chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "I have been presented by both of you with a bribe," the judge bagan. Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, Attorney Leoni, gave...
How to get out of jury duty.
Posted on May 19, 2008Via Lowering the Bar comes some entertaining voir dire responses occurring during the recent R. Kelly trial in Chicago, as described in a Chicago Tribune article: Suggesting (especially given the facts of the R. Kelly case) that the age of...
Tax regs? Try watching Teletubbies over and over and over...
Posted on May 16, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Don't look at me. I didn't say it.
Posted on May 13, 2008Having never been to North Dakota, I have no comment--no comment--whatsoever regarding this lawyer's statement during a deposition--this is especially so if you, dear reader, happen to hail from this fine, fine state: A: There are very few production places...
How to drum up business.
Posted on May 12, 2008Another lawyer joke: A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a...
It's all a matter of perspective.
Posted on May 07, 2008A joke for your Wednesday reading pleasure: A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife...
Ah yes--yet another manly law student.
Posted on May 05, 2008Here's another recent Craigslist listing: law student looking - 25 (williamsburg) Reply to: pers-607649012@craigslist.org Date: 2008-03-15, 10:14PM EDT hey ladies! I am 25, from San Diego, and in Williamsburg to study law... I have been here for two years and...
I bet BigLaw's working on it already...
Posted on May 02, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following comic/greeting card:
But, but...clients come first!
Posted on April 30, 200812PM No Matter How Much MacGyver I Watched As a Kid Frustrated lawyer on phone: I know they are engineers! But I cannot draft a contract using only Venn diagrams, mathematic equations and animé references! Lamar Overland Park Kansas Overheard...
Lawyers are always smarter than doctors in lawyer jokes, aren't they?
Posted on April 29, 2008In the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt....
May it please the court, counsel, the cute tall blond behind me...
Posted on April 28, 2008From a recent Craigslist posting: cute tall blond at supreme court argument - m4m - 36 (dc) Reply to: pers-655332634@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-24, 10:46PM EDT on 4/23. Me short with dark hair with woman. You sat behind me. Hat tip: Above...
Are psychics kosher under the FRCP?
Posted on April 24, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following comic/greeting card:
Cops. You gotta love 'em.
Posted on April 23, 2008From a hearing transcript I recently read, where the cop was being crossed: Q. Okay. And would you consider his response to your question coherent or incoherent? A. It was coherent, but the rest of the questioning was more or...
Yep. It's another lawyer joke.
Posted on April 22, 2008One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating...
That's my kind of freakin' deposition.
Posted on April 22, 2008Raise Your Hand If You Assumed "Get My Freak On" Meant Something Else White attorney,at deposition: Are there any activities you used to do before the accident that you can no longer do? Trinidadian woman, 55: I can't get my...
Because that's what really matters.
Posted on April 18, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Foiled again by all that medical mumbo jumbo!
Posted on April 16, 2008Another courtroom transcript that's worth its weight in gold: Q And the serratus anterior nerve that-- or the nerves that go to it, where do they come from? A The neck, the cervical region. Q From the cervical region? A...
Is separate ever really equal?
Posted on April 15, 2008Via Ipse Dixit comes the following: Client: "Ma'am, I just need a program! I need help ma'am. I only just started using, and I need help!" Me: "What are you using? Crystal?" Client: "Nah. That shit is for white people!"
Project Law School
Posted on April 14, 2008This parody video from the Cardozo Law Revue is a bit long--but well worth it. Hat tip: Above the Law
Sadly, it's not an exaggeration.
Posted on April 10, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following law comic/greeting card:
Isn't it ironic?
Posted on April 09, 2008Another lawyer joke for you: A mobster was on trial, facing a possible life sentence, but his lawyer bribed a juror to hold out for a lesser charge. After hours of deliberation, the jury returned a verdict carrying a maximum...
Real men of law school III
Posted on April 08, 2008No action guy--yep, I knew you, too: Hat tip: Tax Law Prof Blog
When sarcasm misses its mark.
Posted on April 07, 20081PM I'd Be Disbarred If It Came Out That I Could Understand Plain English Attorney #1: Does anyone know why I can't access my computer's S drive? Attorney #2: Oh, I know the problem. It's an operator error! Attorney #1:...
Great question, counselor.
Posted on April 02, 20085PM More Importantly, Where's Her Wallet? Lawyer #1: Listen to this -- 'The patient's bladder was emptied and transferred back to recovery room in stable condition with no complications.' Lawyer #2: Where's the rest of her, still in the O.R.?...
The hazards of being a prosecutor.
Posted on April 01, 2008Via Above the Law comes this most-excellent transcript that has it all: a prosecutor getting attacked by a defendant, a bad-ass court reporter with a military background and a defense attorney with guts:
Blogrolling
Posted on March 31, 2008Thanks to the following blogs for recently mentioning or adding a permanent link to Legal Antics to their blogrolls: The Cool Justice Report The Reasonable Blawg Build a Solo Practice, LLC Serial Procrastination Quizlaw The Deleware Employment Law Blog Court'o'rama...
Real men of law school II
Posted on March 31, 2008Videos like this one remind me why I married a guy with a career totally unrelated to the law: Hat tip: Tax Law Prof Blog
All's fair in love and...allowance.
Posted on March 28, 2008Hat tip: Power Of Attorney: Not Happy Hour At The Bar
Spitzer spends his riches on high end call girls, and is then sued by Riches.
Posted on March 26, 2008Jonathan Lee Riches is infamous for his pro se pleadings, as more fully described in this recent Law.com article: Boy Named Sue: Inmate Takes on Everyone from the Spitzers to Skadden Arps: Thirty-nine percent of the 491 cases filed so...
Real men of law school I
Posted on March 25, 2008I didn't know there were real men in law school. Ha ha! Just kidding all you Napoleonic complex manly law school men. You're manly. Really. You are. Especially guys like you, summer jobs guy: Hat tip: Tax Prof Blog.
Me too, Seth. Me too.
Posted on March 24, 2008Via Seth at Quizlaw comes the following post entitled "I have so many questions" regarding the following bizarre crime report:
Is it really so wrong to insert images into pleadings?
Posted on March 20, 2008A lawyer representing himself apparently annoyed the Supreme Court of Florida, as described at the end of the first document. The second document is an example of an offensive pleading. Hat tip: Slate.
You can't please everyone.
Posted on March 18, 2008Via Say What? comes the following transcript from a voir dire: Def. Atty: Would anyone here take offense if I tried in a respectful manner perhaps putting a little pressure upon you, because this is not a game of cricket...
Jury duty--with a funny twist
Posted on March 17, 2008Via New York Personal Injury Blog comes this extremely funny description, written by screenwriter Dan Turkewitz, about his experience with jury duty service in NYC: Tales From The Juror Thoughts, observations, and ramblings, from the jury room at 111 Centre...
This is your lawyer.
Posted on March 12, 2008This is your lawyer on drugs. Like 1-900-Perjury? Ethics lecturer, to room of lawyers: Can I call a witness I think is going to lie? Lawyer: ... On the telephone? --Practising Law Institute, 52nd & 7th via Overheard in New...
Ali G and the law
Posted on March 11, 2008Today's comedic break--Ali G's interview with former U.S. Attorney General Richard Thornburgh. If you're not already familiar with Ali G, he's one of the alter-egos of Sacha Baron Cohen the comedian/actor of Borat fame. His M.O. for the Ali G...
A judge who doesn't hold back.
Posted on March 10, 2008Via Above the Law comes the following letter from a federal judge who doesn't beat around the bush:
I cannot tell a lie.
Posted on March 06, 2008Thanks to Quizlaw for bringing this comic to our attention, via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal:
Some trials see a little more action than others.
Posted on March 05, 2008Here's a trial transcript that just goes to show that it's how you choose to phrase your questions that really makes the difference: Attorney: All right, Mr. C., is it not a fact that this witness came into this court...
Little old ladies say the darndest things.
Posted on March 04, 2008A regular reader emailed me to suggest the following joke. It's one of my favorites: Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called...
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?
Posted on March 03, 2008Via Volokh Conspiracy comes the following humorous snippet from the bad boys of the 9th Circuit, which is their take on their reversal rate by the Supremes: Judge Noonan: "Typical numbers are 20 out of the 16 thousand cases that...
It's funny because it's true.
Posted on February 29, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
I could have sworn el presidente was a leg man.
Posted on February 28, 2008--Nicole Black is, among other things, a Rochester, NY DWI defense lawyer, and is of counsel to Fiandach & Fiandach, one of the largest and most experienced DWI defense firms in New York State. She also co-authors the Thomson-West book Criminal Law in New York and writes a weekly column, "Legal Currents", for The Daily Record...
The New York state of mind
Posted on February 27, 2008A joke for you: A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be...
The best of Ted
Posted on February 26, 2008If you love Scrubs, you love lawyer Ted. Via the Video Venue at the Billable Hour comes the following video--a compilation of "the best of Ted":
Me thinks the judge is a bit bored.
Posted on February 24, 2008Via Above the Law comes this fairy tale of a case, Vitaich v. City of Chicago, No. 94 C 692, 1995 U.S. Dist LEXIS 11804, at * 3-4 (N.D. Ill. Aug. 16, 1995). A snippet for your reading enjoyment: Even...
Never ask a question you don't know the answer to.
Posted on February 22, 2008Case in point: Q. And do you remember how you were dressed [for the line-up]? A. Yeah, dress slacks and a grey short-sleeved shirt, if my memory serves me correctly. Q. Did you have a Texas Law Enforcement belt buckle...
Wait a minute. That's a joke?
Posted on February 20, 2008At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear...
Damn those technicalities.
Posted on February 19, 2008Via the Billable Hour's new Video Venue comes this video that teaches a valuable life lesson:
Yet another reason to avoid "lawyer-speak".
Posted on February 18, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Life's tough for BigLaw associates.
Posted on February 15, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Read this one carefully the first time.
Posted on February 13, 2008Professional Fighting Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians....
Not that kind of penal law.
Posted on February 12, 2008An Attorney? Contribute to Society? Hobo to girl with two bags and seven textbooks: Damn, girl, where you goin' wid all dem books? You rob a Barnes and Noble or somethin'? You tryin'a sell your shit, too? Yeah, you know...
The circular logic of implausible deniability
Posted on February 11, 2008From a suppression hearing transcript I recently read--a cop who decides to defy logic at all costs--because dammit, he can: Q: Did you fill out this document, Sir? A: I did. Q: And what time does it indicate that the...
It's all the same thing, isn't it?
Posted on February 08, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Perfectly legitimate explanations, in my opinion.
Posted on February 07, 2008The following are from actual insurance claims: My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle. When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. I started...
Master of the obvious.
Posted on February 06, 2008Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact. A: At the time my right foot was located at the extreme end of my right leg.
Palsgraf, beavis and butthead style.
Posted on February 05, 2008Via The Billable Hour's Video Venue comes the following video:
Is honesty really always the best policy?
Posted on February 04, 2008Via all-encompassingly comes the most brutally honest law firm rejection letter I've ever encountered: I regret, Hawaii has too many attorneys as it is, and the work just is not there, this is across the board?.I suggest Hawaii is the...
My Newest Blog
Posted on February 03, 2008I'd like to introduce you to my newest blog: Women Lawyers--Back on Track. I started this blog with the intent of to providing women lawyers with resources and information about the legal field and to explore how they do/can happily...
Decade, century. What's the difference?
Posted on February 01, 2008More wisdom from el presidente: "More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way." ?Martinsburg, W. Va., July 4, 2007
Don't look at me. I didn't say it.
Posted on January 31, 2008Via The Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Fact or fiction? You decide.
Posted on January 30, 2008A joke for your reading enjoyment: A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the...
A Judge With a Sense of Humor?
Posted on January 28, 2008Perhaps. My offer of proof: U.S. District Judge Beverly B. Martin's first footnote in an Order in MC Asset Recovery v. Southern Co., No. 1:06-cv-00417: 1 Essentially, in the spirit of an old Woody Allen joke, Southern requests more time...
This is your lawyer. This is your lawyer on drugs.
Posted on January 25, 2008A Taser? Sweet! Lawyer, offering cigarette: Need one? Non-smoking secretary: I'm gonna need something a lot stronger to deal with you today! Lawyer, exiting door to smoke: Top, right desk drawer in my office. Law office Indiana via Overheard in...
Trust me. She knows of what she speaks.
Posted on January 23, 2008Via Ipse Dixit, a list of things one should avoid bringing to court: The complaining witness on your violation of a protective order case your Corona t-shit to your DUI case your weed the six children you watch in day...
How about "kiss my grits"?
Posted on January 22, 2008Tip o' the day--If you happen to live in South Carolina and a judge just revoked your probation, adding the following after your John Hancock on the judge's order is probably not a great idea: "Kiss my ass." And, that's...
A new term of art.
Posted on January 21, 2008A police report that I read the other day described the defendant's clothing as follows: jeans, wife beater. That's right, wife beater. In a police report. Do you think he learned that at the police academy?
Programming note.
Posted on January 14, 2008This blog will be on a brief hiatus for the next week as this blogger soaks up some much-needed sun in Florida. Posting will resume in one week.
What law school can do to you.
Posted on January 10, 2008Another video highlighting the beauty of law school from the archives of our sister blog Sui Generis:
Roger that, mi amigo.
Posted on January 09, 2008Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:
Thanks for the link
Posted on January 08, 2008Thanks to the following blogs for recently adding a permanent link to Legal Antics to their blogroll: Georgia Family Law Blog Jaded Attorney The Tablet PC Lawyer Blog Georgia Wills and Probate Law Blog Georgia Prenuptual and Postnuptual Agreements Blog...
Law School Musical
Posted on January 08, 2008In keeping with the law school theme from yesterday, here's a great video, brought to you via the Billable Hour's new Video Venue. The Video Venue has tons of funny and sometimes, just plain old strange law-related videos, so head...
Lessons learned in law school
Posted on January 07, 2008And Our Immortal Souls, As Well? Professor: What have I told you about fairness? Student: That we should forget about it. Professor: Yes! --NYU Law School via Overheard in New York, Dec 30, 2007
Beware.
Posted on January 04, 2008I apologize in advance. The following joke may cause those of you who once worked in a law firm to suffer from a severe and painful flashback: Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A:...
Iggidity, wiggity--whatever.
Posted on January 03, 2008Via Lowering the Bar, this rather funny description of a California appellate court getting jiggy wid it--or something like that: While the facts of the underlying opinion in U.S. v. Freeman aren't especially comical -- it was an appeal from...
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
Posted on January 02, 2008Q: Is your appearance this morning pursuant to the deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
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Did I harass someone?
Oh, yes. This can be taken in as so many things, especially since you had testif...
How to evict a roommate?
First, in most jurisdictions "self-help" is not a remedy available to any party ...
I have worked for this employer for only three weeks. The employer makes up his own rules as to what he chooses to report for the purpose of property taxes. He tells me to "let them come after us". He defines Entertain
He arrogantly insists, "let them come after us." Well, if you are invo...
How do you recover money from a stop payment placed on a personal check given to you?
you can always take them to small claims court and sure them for 3 times the amo...
The company I worked for forced me to quit instead of dealing with someone harassing me, what can I do?
Look up CONSTRUCTIVE DISCHARGE...................this looks like what happened t...
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