Law Humor
Legal Juice 
Focuses on the lighter side of the law by highlighting all things humorous about the legal profession, ranging from odd cases and strange court filings to weird laws.
Post Frequency: 2.2/day Last Entry: November 21, 2009 at 01:05:35 Recent Entries: 680
By John Mesirow
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Tell Me You Didn't Taser A 10-Year-Old Girl
Posted on November 21, 2009I told you not to tell me that! Per Arkansas Online: Ozark Police Chief Jim Noggle said age is not a factor in determining when his officers use a Taser on someone. Noggle said Tuesday that officer Dustin Bradshaw used his Taser last week on a 10-year-old girl who was kicking and combative with Bradshaw after her mother called police...
Of All The Places To Set Up An Indoor Marijuana Farm ...
Posted on November 20, 2009While scouting locations for an indoor marijuana cultivation facility, would you not exclude any buildings near police stations? You would not, if you were a certain group of folks in Los Angeles. They decided to set up shop in a building 25 feet from a police station...
You Sure You Want To Sell That Door-To-Door?
Posted on November 19, 2009I would wager that this was one door-to-door salesman some of you Juice readers would be quite pleased to see. What was he selling? Weed! As luck would have it (bad luck, that is), one of the doorbells he rang at 3:30 a.m. was at the home of a Brownsville police officer...
Thief Steals The Wrong Mercedes
Posted on November 17, 2009If you're wondering "Is there a 'right' Mercedes to steal?" - the answer is a resounding "yes." It would be a Mercedes that doesn't have a lion in the back.. Per The Telegraph: Caesar, Circus Probst's ferocious five-year-old star, was being transported a Mercedes van when the vehicle was stolen...
A Simple victim, a simple scammer ...
Posted on November 16, 2009As reported in The Murfreesboro [Tennessee] Post: A retired Murfreesboro woman reported a man identifying himself from Publisher?s Clearing House notified her she received a $200,000 prize but she needed to pay $857.75 in taxes before receiving the money...
Turning Yourelf In Is Great. But ...
Posted on November 15, 2009Sure, turning yourself in is great but ... you might want to wait until you sober up! This advice comes to late for William Olson, age 38, of Great Falls, Montana. He drove himself to the Highway Patrol, and turned himself in. For what? Per the Great Falls Tribune: According to charges, Olson was driving in a Toyota 4Runner with his four children, who range in age from 3 to 13, on Morony Dam Road on Sunday...
Boy Plays With Fire, Will Have To Pay The Consequences, And I Do Mean "Pay"
Posted on November 14, 2009I think it's fair to say that virtually every kid on earth is told not to play with fire. Many kids ignore it, and manage to escape unscathed. Such was not the case for an 11-year-old boy in Sweden. He was 9 on that fateful day. Per The Local (Sweden): An 11-year-old boy has been ordered to pay 1...
A Sex Emergency
Posted on November 13, 2009I would imagine that 911 operators get a lot of strange calls. Still, I'll bet they don't get calls like this too often. As reported by the St. Petersburg Times: Joshua Basso said his cell phone ran out of minutes Wednesday, so he called the one number that he knew is always free ? 911 ? with an unusual request...
This Is How You Show Your Respect For Your Mother?
Posted on November 12, 2009You'll have to excuse the pun (you'll see what I'm talking about), but this was extremely uncool. From the Times Herald-Record: A man who stuffed his 98-year-old mother?s dead body in a freezer chest and then cashed her Social Security money was sentenced to six months in jail on Friday...
It's Called A "Car Wash" Not A ...
Posted on November 11, 2009It's called a "car wash," not a "man wash." No doubt these four guys knew that, but decided to give it a shot anyway - NAKED! As reported by the Courier Mail: Four young men who were caught cooling off naked inside a central Queensland car wash have been warned their prank could have had much more serious consequences...
Parent Left Messages For Teacher Saying What?
Posted on November 10, 2009So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent - on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No...
What Does Jury Duty Have To Do With The Wrinkles On A Dog's Testicles?
Posted on November 09, 2009Regular readers know that the Juice is not fond of folks who try to weasel out of jury duty. But this is one of the more idiotic methods I've seen employed (but did it work?). As reported by the Bozeman Daily Chronicle: Erik Slye, a Belgrade auto painter in his mid-30s, was summoned to appear for jury duty on Jan...
"What's In A Name?" Plenty, Says The Judge
Posted on November 08, 2009Let's just say that, suddenly, I'm much happier with "John." The name? "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii." Really. Per the Taranaki Daily News: [Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt] was so worried about the effect on the girl [who was the subject of a custody hearing] he ordered her to be temporarily placed under the guardianship of the court so a suitable name could be chosen...
Were These Five Men Able To "Make Their Luck"
Posted on November 07, 2009Did you know that eight is a very lucky number in China. Know why? Per the BBC: The number eight is considered auspicious in China because it sounds similar to the word for "to make money". There are five Chinese guys who are most likely cursing the number eight right about now...
What's Wrong With Bartering? Everything, In This Case
Posted on November 06, 2009Perhaps this doctor was absent when they discussed the "doctor/patient relationship" in medical school. If the evidence that led to his "summary suspension" holds up when there is a full-blown hearing, it's goodbye "Dr. Perry," and hello "Mr. Perry...
I Can't Believe This Guy Could Find His Bicycle, Much Less Ride It
Posted on November 05, 2009As a daily bicycle commuter, it pains me to blast a fellow cyclist. All I can say about this gent is ... DUDE! From The Cairns Post: A drunken cyclist wobbled along a highway before falling off his bike into a ditch in front of police. Police say the 26-year-old Feluga man?s blood alcohol concentration was more than five times the limit when they breath-tested him after he crashed on the Bruce Highway at Tully...
Bank Robber And His "Go To" Bank
Posted on November 04, 2009If you watch football or basketball, no doubt you've heard announcers say that a team will continue running a certain play until their opponent is able to stop it. Well, it seems a bank robber in Florida subscribes to the same theory. Per The South Florida Sun-Sentinel: Authorities are on the lookout for a robber with some brand loyalty: He's struck the same bank so many times, the tellers recognize him...
Is That A Sausage In Your Pants, Or ...
Posted on November 03, 2009OMG, that is a sausage in your pants! A bunch of them, as it turns out. Per The Cairns Post: A man has been caught stuffing sausages down his pants in a bizarre alleged theft at an Innisfail supermarket. The 38-year-old Innisfail man was charged with stealing after he was seen leaving IGA Innisfail about 6...
A Down-Home Welcome To Athens, Georgia
Posted on November 02, 2009Are we really still in this state of paranoia, such that Middle Easterners can't take photos in the United States without arousing suspicion? Sadly, the answer is "yes," for at least one police officer in Athens, Georgia. Per the Athens Banner-Herald: An Athens-Clarke police officer questioned four Middle Eastern men he saw taking photos of the downtown police station about 6 p...
Tell Me You Didn't Bring A Grenade Into The Courthouse
Posted on November 01, 2009Aram Berberian had been a Rhode Island lawyer for 31 years when he sent this letter to a member of the Kent County, Rhode Island Courthouse police: Frank A. Carter, Jr., Esquire Providence County Supreme Court 250 Benefit Street Providence, R.I. 02903 Dear Brother Carter: On 15 October 1980 I intend to present to the Security Officers at the Kent County Courthouse a hand grenade which I will have smuggled into the courthouse...
Is That A Ferret In Your Pants, Or ....
Posted on October 31, 2009It's strange enough that the dude stole a ferret, but even stranger how he got it out of the pet store. By putting it down his pants! Per The Florida Times-Union: A Jacksonville Beach police arrest report said a 17-year-old saw a man take a ferret from the pet store, stuff it down the front of his pants and walk out of the store...
Clearly These Guys Are Not Cut Out For A Life Of Crime
Posted on October 30, 2009If you're going to commit a burglary or robbery, you don't want to be recognized. So you need a good disguise - something that hides your identity and is easy to change out of. These disguises, done with A PERMANENT MARKER, failed on both counts. From the Daily Times Herald (Carroll, Iowa): A resident of 1844 Randall Road called 911 to report two men with their faces painted black were trying to break into an apartment...
Did Governor Schwarzenegger Drop The F-Bomb In A Letter To The California State Assembly?
Posted on October 29, 2009What do you think? As reported at sfbg.com, here's the veto letter the Terminator sent to legislators regarding a bill that "would have helped the Port of San Francisco with some financing issues." You don't see it? How about now? BAM! So what did the Governor's office say when questioned about the letter? As reported by The Huffington Post: "My goodness...
Would You Do This To Prevent A Burglar From Entering Your Home?
Posted on October 28, 2009Sure, you might wield a gun. You might scream. How about barking like a dog? From The Athens Banner-Herald: A Simmons Street woman scared off a would-be burglar about 11 p.m. Saturday by acting like a dog, an Athens-Clarke police report said. When a suspicious man tried turning the woman's door knob, she got on the floor and began scratching at the door and acting like a large dog, police said, though what dog-like behaviors she specifically mimicked remains unknown...
Not The Best Father/Son Bonding Experience
Posted on October 27, 2009I'm all for a dad spending as much time as possible with his son. I guess I need to qualify that a bit. That time should not include committing burglary together, while intoxicated! Doh! Check out this story, as reported by whnt.com: A father and son are in the DeKalb County Jail, facing burglary and other charges...
No Coke, Pepsi
Posted on October 26, 2009You are a 77-year-old man, unloading groceries from your car, when a guy comes up to you with a gun, demanding that you empty your pockets. You do it, right? Not if you are Pat Gillespie of Flint, Michigan. As reported by mlive.com: Gillespie had a bag with a two-liter of Pepsi, and he took a swing and hit the man...
Lawyer Loses Motion - Does Not Take It Well - At All
Posted on October 25, 2009Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence: Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you...
That's Just Ludacris, Judge
Posted on October 24, 2009Oh no you didn't just cite Ludacris, federal Judge Terence T. Evans. Okay, maybe "cite" is a little misleading, but still ... from footnote 1 in U.S. v. Murphy The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch "hoe." A "hoe," of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening...
LWI? La-Z-Boy While Intoxicated - Really
Posted on October 23, 2009This story is truly wacky. First, you have a Proctor, Minnesota man who took a La-Z-Boy chair and put a lawnmower motor in it, and a steering wheel. Per the Duluth News Tribune, "It has a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels...
When We Stop Thinking, The Machines Win
Posted on October 22, 2009There are more 5 million people in Scotland. So would it shock you to learn that some people have the same name? Me either. One name that at least 2 people in Scotland share is "Derek Lyon." One of them is a convicted drunk driver who lost his license, and the other is ...
Would You Sell Beer To This Guy?
Posted on October 21, 2009Most of us have had a few too many a few times. But this dude sets a new standard for public intoxication (of some sort). UFB right? I'd really like like to know the backstory (and the frontstory [?]) on this guy.
Go Ahead And Tase Me, Bro
Posted on October 20, 2009It would appear that Mr. Octavian Borges is Taserproof. Check this out, from The Courier Mail: A North Queensland man, aged 21, has stunned police by proving impervious to a Taser deployment and casually removing the barbs - not once but three times...
It's Just Politics? Not In This Household
Posted on October 19, 2009With an estimated 200 million-plus guns in the United States, it's a good thing most folks aren't this crazy about politics. As reported in The South Asian Post: Hyderabad, India - A die-hard fan of actor-turned-politician Chiranjeevi killed his father for not casting his vote for the superstar?s newly formed Praja Rajyam Party...
Outsmarted By An Elevator?
Posted on October 18, 2009Yes, it is possible to be outsmarted by an elevator, as demonstrated by a pair of Norwegian vandals. As reported in the Fayetteville Observer: [The vandals]overlooked a small but crucial detail when they started smashing up a train station elevator: They were inside it...
Shoot To Miss?
Posted on October 17, 2009The Route 66 Kitchen in Toledo is apparently the place to be ... if you like out-of-control gunfights. Check out the security video below. Incredibly with all those people shooting at each other (police believe at least 20 shots were fired), nobody was hurt! You can read more (a lot) in the Toledo Blade article...
Can You Tell Someone Is Guilty Just By Looking At Them? Absolutely
Posted on October 16, 2009This guy could not have made it easier for the police officer to bust him. He just flat-out looked guilty. From pennlive.com: Cesar Lopez, a 29-year-old Lebanon, Pa., man, was busted Saturday when he walked up to a police officer with a small bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead, according to Lebanon police...
You're Really Going To Suspend Me For Wearing A Pink Tie?
Posted on October 15, 2009Yes, Mr. 9-year bus driver, they are. As reported in The State Register-Journal: A Springfield Mass Transit District bus driver received a one-day unpaid suspension recently for wearing a pink tie to help raise awareness for breast cancer. The driver had to serve the suspension, but his action also led to the SMTD agreeing that employees could wear pink on Fridays in recognition of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October...
Mother And Daughter Share EVERYTHING
Posted on October 14, 2009So this 46-year-old woman in Florida had a boyfriend for about a year. Then she had to, um, go away for a little while (to jail). Well, really, did you expect her boyfriend to just sit around and wait? When his girlfriend's 25-year-old daughter was there? They didn't wait...
You Can Do That With A Harmonica?
Posted on October 13, 2009In the annals of history, this has got to be the first report of a harmonica beat down. Yeah, I said "a harmonica beat down." Here's the story, per The Tulsa World: According to Decai Liu's arrest report, his roommate was in the bathroom getting ready for work when Liu, 52, burst in and started beating him with the instrument...
You Didn't Outlaw Throwing Snowballs, Did You?
Posted on October 12, 2009Now imagine - if you can - a law that both Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann would agree goes too far. That law outlaws throwing snowballs! And the offending municipality is ... Grand Forks, North Dakota. Here's the law: 9-0123. Throwing rocks, snowballs, and other objects...
Mrs. Kobe, Mrs. Kobe, Mrs. Kobe, Mrs. Kobe
Posted on October 11, 2009Now, if I titled the post "Vanessa Bryant, Vanessa Bryant ...." would you know who I was talking about? No. But like Prince, Shaq, and Magic, everybody knows who Kobe is. Now they're also going to know a little more about his wife Vanessa, thanks to a lawsuit filed by the couple's former housekeeper, Maria Jimenez, for wrongful termination, among other things...
Drugs In Malaysia - A BAD Idea
Posted on October 10, 2009Lots of folks in the United States think our drug laws are too harsh. Maybe, but check out how it is in Malaysia, per The New Straits Times: KOTA BARU: A 44-year-old Thai carpenter was sentenced to death by the High Court yesterday after he was found guilty of trafficking in cannabis four year ago...
Born On 7/7/77 - Wouldn't You Consider A Career In Fortune-Telling?
Posted on October 09, 2009Yes, April S. Uwanawich (am I the only one who reads this name and thinks "You Want A Witch?"), was born on 7/7/77. And she is a fortune-teller in Pennsylvania. Just one small problem - it's against the law. As reported in The Pottstown Mercury: A person is guilty of the charge if they "tell fortunes or predict future events ? pretend to effect any purpose by spells, charms, necromancy or incantation, or advise the taking or administering of what are commonly called love powders or potions," reads the statute...
That'll Teach You To Pick On Cross-Dressers
Posted on October 08, 2009Two drunks guys (Dean Gardener, 19, and Jason Fender, 22) decided to hassle two cross-dressing men. Big mistake. True, the drunk "bully" got one punch off, but that was it. Per The Daily Telegraph: But the fight is over in a matter of seconds as the other cage fighter, sporting a wig and a sparkling black dress, floors both the assailants with two lightning-quick punches...
I'm Guessing This Woman Hasn't Robbed Many Banks
Posted on October 07, 2009Rule number one for a bank robber preparing a note for the teller: make it legible! Hokc ogll sht es wlll ikkk you! Now! I totally made that up. In her defense, Stephanie Martin's note probably wasn't that bad. Here's what happened, as reported by kptv...
Not Your Typical Car Ride
Posted on October 06, 2009I'm not sure how I missed this May 2009 story, but it's none the worse for wear. Bradley Dean Milne, age 33, had a helluva ride. As reported by the Northern Territory News: Darwin Magistrates Court heard that the couple were planning to drive to East Arm Wharf in the Mazda ute to have sex...
Kick The Kitty, Anyone?
Posted on October 05, 2009What? You've never heard of "kick the kitty?" Perhaps that's because it was only recently invented by Nicola Collinson. To see how it's played, though, you'll need her cell phone because she made a video of herself doing it on her phone! Or, perhaps you know one of the people she sent her video to, one of whom sent it to the RSPCA...
How About You Make Your Own Sandwich?
Posted on September 30, 2009This is how you [allegedly] treat your disabled wife? Per the Worcester, Massachusetts Telegram: Wayne G. Prinsen, 50, of 5 Spring St., Spencer, was released on personal recognizance and ordered to stay away and have no contact with his wife in accordance with a restraining order...
Really? Armed Robbery For That?
Posted on September 29, 2009I like animals too, but this is nuts. As reported by The Daily Telegraph: In one of Sydney's weirdest crimes, a young woman has been accused of pulling a gun on a dog owner at their home in a brazen attempt to steal a Chihuahua puppy after posing as a would-be buyer...
Busted For Acting Like Borat
Posted on September 28, 2009Who knew a couple mankinis would cause such a fuss? As reported by the BBC: Two students who dressed up as the TV character Borat are at the centre of a row in Vietnam. The pair performed a dance act at a company party dressed as the spoof Kazakh journalist in his notoriously skimpy "mankini" swimming costume...
Hmm. Might Want To Holster That Finger Next Time
Posted on September 27, 2009I don't think there's any doubt that Anthony Vakeva's bird-flipping days are over. In January 2005, Mr. Vakeva flipped off Mr. Blackwell at a red light. I'm guessing he would have thought twice about doing so had he known that Blackwell was a TRAINED AMATEUR BOXER (with a very short fuse...
Holy Roller?
Posted on September 26, 2009Would you turn your kid into the police if you knew he was breaking the law? This mother answered "yes" as reported by The Sandusky Register: A 16-year-old boy who used a page from his Bible as a rolling paper for a marijuana joint was charged with drug possession, an Erie County sheriff deputy's report said...
Call The Police! Someone's Being Attacked!
Posted on September 25, 2009Oh my god! Did you hear that screaming out back? I'm going to call the police! What did the police find? As reported in the Northern Territory News: Officers scrambled to respond to an emergency call from a woman who reported a possible attack when she heard someone "in distress" behind a fence about 6...
Police Officers Conducting Searching Having Wii Too Much Fun
Posted on September 24, 2009Darn it! I went and gave it away, didn't I? If I asked you to guess what some of the members of Polk County's High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area task force were doing while their coworkers were executing a search warrant, you'd probably guess "playing a Wii" right? As reported by Florida's News Channel 8: With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March...
Can't A Guy Just Do His Laundry Without Being Arrested?
Posted on September 23, 2009So what's the problem with a guy washing his pants at a laundromat? Um, he apparently didn't have any other pants to wear ... and was walking around bottomless. Per the Naples Daily News: Arresting Deputy Jeffrey S. Magner reported making contact with [Mr...
The Baby Name Police Strike Again
Posted on September 22, 2009The name police, in addition to residing in Sweden, also reside in Australia. Today's installment involves a couple who wanted to name their child "Ned Kelly." If you're wondering why that name would be a problem, click here for more information on this notorious Australian...
Excuse Me. What Did You Just Call Me?
Posted on September 21, 2009Um, a douchebag. Yeah, I'm sure I wouldn't be too thrilled if I were featured in a book called "Hot Chicks With Douchebags." As reported by RadarOnline, Mr. Michael Manelli was pissed enough to file a lawsuit against the publisher and Mr. Jay Louis, the author of the book and the creator of the website www...
The King Of Peeping Toms?
Posted on September 20, 2009If the Guinness folks had a category for peeping toms, there is no doubt that this 46-year-old Canadian man would be in the book. (His name has not been released.) As reported at canada.com, he was arrested after "an apparent bungled break and enter...
Man Violates Parking Meter
Posted on September 19, 2009So, not only did Adam Michael Kelly violate a parking meter, he also cussed out a police officer! Brilliant! As reported by The Cairns Post: Police were called to a disturbance at the corner of Shields and Abbott streets on August 31 about 8.40pm and found Kelly dry-humping a parking meter and yelling out: "Yeah baby, you know you want it...
What? You Want Your Tip Back?
Posted on September 18, 2009If you do a good job, you should get a good tip, right? Let's say you work for Notre Dame University's catering department, and you earn a tip of $29.87. Such was the case for Sara Gaspar. As luck would have it (good luck, initially - now, not so good), per The South Bend Tribune: ...
Seriously? I Can't Tip The Gravedigger?
Posted on September 17, 2009Is there really a law that forbids you from tipping someone for good service? Yup. (Okay, technically it's a by-law that applies to city-owned cemeteries.) In Hamilton, Ontario, you are forbidden from tipping a cemetery worker! Really. Props to The Hamilton Spectator for digging this up (sorry!)...
You Expected To Get Away On That?
Posted on September 16, 2009The Juice loves bicycles. He even commutes to work by bike. But if he were ever going to attempt a robbery, he wouldn't use a bicycle for the getaway! That's what James Lachenauer, Jr. is charged with. Incredibly, he wasn't caught on his bike. Per the South Florida Sun Sentinel: Police said Lachenauer was armed with a silver revolver and entered the Medication Station Pharmacy on Woolbright Road around 10:30 a...
Over A Pound Of Weed Gets You How Much Time?
Posted on September 15, 2009That depends. In this case, the offender had 2 previous drug offenses. He also had hidden over a pound of weed in a washing machine. But, and this was a big "but" for the Judge, the offender is a high-achieving environmental scientist, as reported by The Cairns Post (Australia)...
Not The Best Way To Start The School Day
Posted on September 14, 2009Back in the day, getting high in the back of the bus was something that happened when the bus driver hit a bump in the road. This was not the case with two Ohio boys who were busted recently, as reported in the South Side Neighborhood Watch at Akron...
Criminal Doctor Awarded Damages!
Posted on September 13, 2009I will forever think of this case when I hear anything about the European Court of Human Rights. As reported by The Argus: [Hypnotherapist Imad Al-Khawaja] was convicted in 2004 of indecently assaulting two women, then aged 20 and 47, while they were hypnotised...
You Call That An Apology?
Posted on September 12, 2009You may recall the case involving Nevada Judge George Assad, who jailed a guy's girlfriend until he showed up in court. Problem was, she hadn't done anything! (This innocent nurse had just come to court to explain that her boyfriend just started a new job, so he couldn't make it...
[Ex] Deputy Gave Prisoner A Sandwich That Had Been Rubbed Against ...
Posted on September 11, 2009If you are among those who can look at a piece of bologna and still eat it, that may change after you read this. As reported by The Columbus Dispatch: [Ex-deputy] Joseph M. Cantwell, 38, pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor health-code violations for giving Joseph Copeland a bologna sandwich that had been rubbed against another prisoner's penis...
An ATM Withdrawal That Definitely Exceeded The Daily Maximum
Posted on September 10, 2009Just how did 2 men in Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania avoid the daily maximum withdrawal amount on the ATM at the Delaware County Memorial Hospital? They took the ATM! During visiting hours! Per myfoxfilly.com, it may have had up to $96,000 in it. The security tape above shows most of the heist...
McCurry Opens Can Of McWhoopass On McDonald's?
Posted on September 09, 2009Maybe McDonald's has sold over 100 billion burgers, but McCurry (Malaysian Chicken Curry) wouldn't be intimidated. As reported by the BBC News: The American fast-food giant McDonald's has lost an eight-year legal battle to prevent a Malaysian restaurant calling itself McCurry...
So It's Okay To Invade Brittany Spears' Privacy?
Posted on September 08, 2009Remember when a bunch of people at UCLA Medical Center snuck a peak at Brittany Spears' electronic medical records? No? I didn't either. Well they did. As reported by California Healthline: The Department of Public Health said 53 employees, including 14 doctors, at UCLA Medical Center breached Spears' records on two occasions...
You're Wearing Those For Your Community Service?
Posted on September 07, 2009So this woman (no, that's not her, but could you resist using that picture?) crashed her car and refused a breathalyzer test. For her crime, she was sentenced to 80 hours of community service. Apparently nobody anticipated that she would show up for the community service in 4-inch heels...
Better Than Flying First Class?
Posted on September 06, 2009Forget about flying first class. Men may soon be asking for "Martz" class. Why? Pilot Martz was flying a helicopter while receiving oral sex from a porn actress! How do we know this? It's on video! ("The video shows the woman disrobing before engaging Martz in a sex act while the San Diego landscape is passing by the [ahem] cockpit windows," as reported by the San Diego Union-Tribune...
Naked Jogging Priest Says What?
Posted on September 05, 2009Reverend Robert Whipkey was arrested in Frederick, Colorado for jogging naked (around the high school track) at 4:30 a.m. He was busted while walking home, still naked. So what was his defense to the indecent exposure charge? Per the Daily Camera: Whipkey?s attorney argued his client?s actions didn?t satisfy an element of the indecent-exposure law that requires proof he ?knowingly? exposed himself...
One Year In Jail For Man With Strange Fetish
Posted on September 04, 2009You'll have a hard time believing what this Minnesota man's fetish is, and that he will be spending a year in jail because of it. Per the Duluth News Tribune: Christopher Neil Bjerkness is not a rapist, but a Duluth judge lectured him on Wednesday that unless he stops carrying out a bizarre sexual fetish of slashing exercise balls with a knife, he could some day find himself facing an indeterminate civil commitment as a sexual psychopath...
I Don't Like The Smell Of This Proposed Honolulu Law
Posted on September 03, 2009Oftentimes, some things you just have to live with, like, say, smells you don't like. Actually, if a proposed Honolulu bill passes, you might not, at least in Honolulu. The question is, how does one determine if an odor "unreasonably disturb[s] others or interfere[s] with their use of the transit system?" Hey, Axe disturbs me...
iPhone Catches Muggers
Posted on September 02, 2009Great. Just what the world needs - another reason for iPhone users to brag about their beloved phones. You can bet that Carnegie Mellon University student Can Duruk will be talking it up. He was mugged the other day in Pittsburgh. Per ThePittsburghChannel...
Virginia May Be For Lovers, But Constance Bay Is For ...
Posted on September 01, 2009Of course the Juice would never condone vandalism, but ... how about that artwork! No doubt the City of Ottawa will think twice before installing a sign with an empty panel. A skilled vandal took the opportunity to fill that empty panel with ... well ...
Are You Saying That I Can't Have Sex With My Patient?
Posted on August 31, 2009Not only did this doctor have sex with his patient ... he did so in his office, weekly, and at least one of those times ... her husband was in the waiting room! Per metro.co.uk: A doctor 'nearly fell off the couch' when a patient told him her husband was in a surgery waiting room outside while they had sex, a disciplinary panel heard...
Man On The Lam After Ham Slam
Posted on August 30, 2009Mr. Joe Scola, of Gloucester, Massachusetts, heard the front door of his restaurant slam. As reported in the Gloucester Daily Times, When he glanced outside, he saw his waitress returning from a break. She asked him, "Who's that guy carrying the meat down the street?" Scola recounted yesterday...
A Little Tea With Your Mercury, Dear? ... I Mean ...
Posted on August 29, 2009So this guy's estranged wife visited him regularly. How did he repay her kindness? He put mercury in her tea! At least five times! Why? So that when she got sick, he could take care of her, and win her back. How much jail time do you get for something like this? Zippy...
Illegal Nudity In An Art Gallery?
Posted on August 28, 2009No nude sculptures or paintings were hauled away, but 26-year-old model KC Neill was. As reported by NBCNewYork.com: Police arrested a woman at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for stripping naked in the middle of the Arms and Armour exhibit. You can see the video here...
Burglar's Serious Chutzpah
Posted on August 27, 2009Talk about chutzpah. Check out this burglary, as reported by Sweden's "The Local" and "Helsingborgs Dagblad" A thief in southern Sweden took time off during a weekend break-in to surf pornographic websites on a company computer ... local newspaper Helsingborgs Dagblad reports...
Are You Sure You Want To Steal THAT Car?
Posted on August 26, 2009In this [alleged] car thief's defense, how could he have known that the POV ("personally owned vehicle") he stole belonged to a police officer. Oops. This is from the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:Summary: On 08/13/2009 at 0600, off duty Officer Ruben Crews reported his POV as stolen from his residence...
I Pity The Fool Who Sells Me Bad Beef Jerky
Posted on August 25, 2009This story is wacky for 2 reasons: it involves a robbery due to some bad beef jerky, and the alleged robber works 2 doors down from the scene of the crime! As reported by The Cleveland Plain Dealer: Police say a Cleveland barber got so upset by what he considered bad beef jerky that he returned to the store where he bought it and tried to rob the owner...
If You Don't Like The Food, DON'T COMPLAIN
Posted on August 24, 2009I seriously doubt that Mr. James Lewis will ever complain about his wife's cooking again. I can tell you how I know this in 2 words: fifty stitches. As reported by wral.com: Deputies responded to an assault call Friday morning on the 5000 block of Justice Branch Road and found paramedics treating James Lewis, 85, for head injuries...
Does Lightning Strike The Same Place Twice?
Posted on August 23, 2009Oscar Reynolds Jr. was acquitted of robbing the Liberty Bank in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Guess what Mr. Reynolds was doing about a month after the acquittal? He was robbing that same bank! Unlike the first time, where he was acquitted because he could not be positively ID'd, smart money says Mr...
Bad Babysitter Arrested?
Posted on August 22, 2009A 21-year-old woman in Sioux Falls, South Dakota was not arrested for anything she did to her 3-year-old charge. Actually, it's what she didn't do - WATCH THE CHILD - that led to her arrest. As reported in the Rapid City Journal: Police were called to an apartment building after a woman reported finding a 3-year-old girl wandering the complex about 1 a...
Oh Really? And Just How Would You Smuggle 14 Live Birds From Vietnam To Los Angeles?
Posted on August 21, 2009It's easy to play Monday-morning bird smuggler. But do you have any better ideas? From the L.A. Now blog (by Scott Glover) of the Los Angeles Times: A man who allegedly flew from Vietnam to Los Angeles with 14 live birds hidden in his pants was one of two men indicted on smuggling-related charges today by a federal grand jury in Los Angeles...
Tasered, With A Twist
Posted on August 20, 2009So this homeless man in Lancaster, Ohio got burned by a taser. And I mean literally "burned." Per the Lancaster Eagle Gazette, Officers said they spotted a man -- later identified as [Mr. Daniel C.] Wood -- allegedly placing the end of a can in his mouth then running away...
How To Burgle And Assure You'll Be Caught
Posted on August 19, 2009There's just no way 48-year-old William King was going to get away with the multiple burglaries he recently committed. How do we know this? Per The Toronto Star: A man burrowed his way through drywall into two salons where he stole cash, cigarettes and a lighter, had a smoke and a bathroom break...
This Guy Really Loves His Car
Posted on August 18, 2009I love my car, or so I thought until I read this story. As reported by krqe.com: An Albuquerque man faces indecent exposure charges after police say children saw him simulating a sex act with his car in a grocery store parking lot. Danny Brawner, 46, was indicted on two counts of aggravated indecent exposure and one count of indecent exposure for the July 28 incident in the parking lot of the Smith's Food and Drug store on 101 Coors Blvd...
Uncool Dad, Very Uncool
Posted on August 17, 2009Definitely not the way to treat your daughter... As reported by the Gainesville Sun: Sometimes throwing pizza is a crime. That was the allegation that resulted in the arrest of a 38-year-old Gainesville man early Friday morning. The man, whose name is being withheld to protect the identity of the victim, is charged with child abuse without great harm, a felony...
Cab Driver Jumps The Gun
Posted on August 16, 2009Cab Driver Tewfik Boukhelal jumped out of his cab - while it was moving! This was not okay with his two passengers, especially the one who was knocked unconscious as she too jumped out of the moving cab. Why did he do this? Because Mr. Boukhelal thought the passengers (1) had released a substance, and (2) were going to steal from him...
Think This Guy Can Be Rehabilitated?
Posted on August 15, 2009He's a 38-year-old former lay minister at a Lebanon County (Pennsylvania) church, and here are his priors, per the Lebanon Daily News: [In] October 1997, he was arrested and charged with exposing himself to a Lebanon Valley College student in a college parking lot...
Yes, That Was An Alligator On Cruising By On That Bicycle
Posted on August 14, 2009So this dude is riding his bike in St. Charles Parish (in Louisiana) with a 3-foot-long alligator around his neck. And yes, it was alive. Per the Times-Picayune, when the police approached 38-year-old Terron Ingram and the gator ... Ingram dropped the reptile and his bike and ran off, but was apprehended a few blocks away...
Burglar Foiled By Calling For A Cab?
Posted on August 13, 200918-year-old burglar Jake Ormerod could have called any cab company. But he didn't ... As luck would have it [bad luck, that is], the burglary victim was a cab driver. And one of things Mr. Ormerod stole from his house was a cell phone - the very phone he used to call the cab company...
Did Grandfather Grope Minnie Mouse At Disney World?
Posted on August 12, 2009You be the judge. Mr. Moyer "was accused of touching the woman's chest and buttocks in the Toontown area of the Magic Kingdom." As reported by clickorlando.com: "I'm not guilty," Moyer told the judge. "I haven't, as the prosecution says, molested or grabbed -- maybe unintentionally touched, but that's as far as it went...
Do Not Yawn In This Judge's Courtroom
Posted on August 11, 2009Clifton Williams could tell you why yawning in Judge Rozak's courtroom is not a good idea. Per the Chicago Tribune: As Circuit Judge Daniel Rozak handed down [Mr. Williams's] cousin's sentence -- 2 years' probation -- Williams, 33, stretched and let out a very ill-timed yawn...
What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate
Posted on August 10, 2009From the case of Salinero v. Pon, 124 Cal.App.3d 120, 177 Cal. Rptr. 204 (1981): The owner of a six-story apartment building hired an independent contractor, the plaintiff's employer, to wash the windows of the building. No safety devices - from which window washers could be suspended - had been installed on the building...
Don't Mess With My Dog
Posted on August 09, 2009If Alexander Yermilov is saying this, you should listen. If not, you might find yourself on the business end of an ax. As reported by UPI: Prosecutors said a man in the Chita region of Russia killed two friends he found dismembering his pet dog so they could prepare a meal...
Some Serious Polygamy
Posted on August 08, 2009For 57-year-old truck driver Mohamed Nor of Malaysia, 3 wives and 18 kids (ages 4 to 34) are not enough. So he is seeking the permission of the Syrariah High Court to marry a fourth women. And guess who has consented to the marriage? Wives 1,2 and 3...
I'm Certain You Have NEVER Been This Drunk
Posted on August 07, 2009Nor would you want to be, because many folks have died with lower blood-alcohol levels. Would it surprise you if a fraternity was involved? Or pledges? Five hours of drinking? Me either. Pledges to Beta Theta Pi at Lehigh University in Pennsylvania kicked off the pledging season with a bang...
To Be, Or Not To Be - A Potato Chip, That Is
Posted on August 06, 2009Actually in the United Kingdom, what Americans call potato chips, they call "crisps." The burning question before a UK High Court judge was: Are Pringles "crisps" or not? Why is this important? Because if they are crisps, they get taxed at 17.5%! If not, they are exempt from the tax, as is most other food...
As If Running A Marathon Isn't Hard Enough
Posted on August 05, 2009So Shelley Gallant was approaching the 12-mile mark of the Chicago Marathon when, out of the blue, a man she didn't know "came out of nowhere" and sucker-punched her in the face! And she crumbled to the ground. She stopped running right? Nope. She sat down, dazed, for about 30 minutes, and then ran another 8 miles before the race was terminated due to the heat...
Streaker Gets Hosed
Posted on August 04, 2009I'll call him Fuzzy because, well, I don't know his name. Since he's a minor and wasn't charged with a felony, his name has been withheld. Now technically, Fuzzy didn't actually "streak" across the Parkland High School (Pennsylvania) gym [during a basketball game!] because he had a sock on his ...
Three Generations Of Imbeciles Are Enough
Posted on August 03, 2009So said Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes of the United States Supreme Court in a case that blew me away when I first encountered it in law school. The case is Buck v. Bell, 274 U.S. 200 (1927). Virginia passed a law allowing the state to forcibly sterilize certain "mental defectives" to promote "the health of the patient and the welfare of society...
Talk About Getting A Break ...
Posted on August 02, 2009I'm not saying Florida Judge Jorge Labarga was wrong. I'm just saying that, if 18-year-old Alexandria Severino believes in a higher being, she should now call him "Labarga." The crimes? Ms. Severino pleaded guilty to 2 counts of trafficking in ecstasy, and one count of trafficking in hydrocodone...
Sometimes, What Goes Around Comes Around
Posted on August 01, 2009This is one of those times. Remember the New York judge who jailed 46 people because a cell phone went off in his courtroom? (If you don't, click here. It was outrageous.) Guess what happened to him (Niagra Falls City Court Judge Robert M. Restaino)? He's gone! He was removed from the bench by the State Commission on Judicial Conduct, whose decision was upheld by the State Court of Appeals.
I Would Not Want To Go To This School
Posted on July 31, 2009Regular readers know the Juice is not a fan of dress codes. Check this out, from Georgia's Thomson-McDuffie Junior High School website: In order to foster a climate conducive to [blah, blah, blah] ... the following guidelines have been developed with input from councils, faculty, administration, and students...
Police Officer Says He'll Tase Man Where?
Posted on July 30, 2009Up his ass! And other places in the vicinity... Although the Juice does not *** expletives, fox12idaho does. Here's a portion of the transcript of a Boise, Idaho man's arrest: Officer #3: Do you feel this? Complainant: Yes, sir. Officer #3: Do you feel that? That's my - Complainant: okay Officer #3: Taser up your a**...
Is Husband Really Okay With Cheating Wife?
Posted on July 29, 2009Yes, because then he could blackmail them! Fifty-year-old San Antonio, Texas lawyer Ted Roberts coaxed some serious cashish from an accountant, a lawyer, and two executives who had the pleasure of Mary Roberts' company. Old Ted threatened to tell their wives and employers if they didn't pony up...
Songbird-Fighting Ring?
Posted on July 28, 2009Just when you thought you'd heard it all - an illegal songbird fighting operation! As reported by Fox61 in Connecticut: Multiple state law enforcement agencies busted up a bird fighting ring in the town of Shelton Sunday morning. However the birds involved are known more for their voice than violence...
Not Only Was This Custodian Not Cleaning ...
Posted on July 27, 2009Custodian Stephen L. Thompson must really dislike a certain Clark County court reporter. We know this because he urinated on her chair. How do we know this? Per the courier-journal.com: A probable-cause affidavit filed in Clark Superior Court said an employee with the county circuit court discovered a ?wet substance? on her chair upon arriving at work July 15...
White People, Please Leave The Courtroom
Posted on July 26, 2009I kid you not. As reported in The Kansas City Star: [Fulton Superior Court Judge Marvin] Arrington asked all white people to leave before he lowered the boom on the defendants, telling them that bad behavior in poor black neighborhoods drags down black advancement...
An Interesting Way To Stock Your Resale Store?
Posted on July 25, 2009Let's say you have a resale store, and you want some "new" merchandise at a good price. What to do? Steal it! That's what Celia Arocho of Berwyn, Illinois has been charged with, per The Chicago Tribune. Arocho, 52, stands charged with several crimes following her arrest last Saturday in Riverside...
Sentenced To Caning For Drinking A Beer?
Posted on July 24, 2009Not you, knucklehead. You can pick up your beer and keep drinking, unless you're in Malaysia. Such was the case for 32-year-old part-time model Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a mother of two who was busted for throwing a beer down at a night club, and sentenced to six strokes of the cane (and fined)...
Good New / Bad News
Posted on July 23, 2009The good news: Ontario resident Barry Shell won the lottery, hauling in $4,377,298. The bad news? Per The Toronto Star: ... after a smiling Shell, 45, had posed for an OLG [Ontario Lottery and Gaming] photo holding his cheque for $4,377,298, he was arrested outside the building on outstanding criminal charges and taken into police custody...
Nuns Break The Sound Barrier?
Posted on July 22, 2009Okay, so that's a slight exaggeration, since the sound barrier on land is about 761 mph (it varies with the atmospheric conditions). But perhaps I am in a state of shock after reading that a nun in Italy was busted for going 110 mph! Really, and with 2 other nuns in the car...
Using Your iPhone Phone To Find Pot?
Posted on July 21, 2009Before the potheads among you get too excited, or the wingnuts blow a gasket, this new iPhone application won't direct you to your neighborhood dealer. Here's what it will do, as reported by The Sun: Simply named Cannabis, the Ł1.79 [$2.99 US] app lets users search by city for their nearest medical cannabis suppliers, doctors, clinics, lawyers and other relevant organisations...
Boy Hits Mom On The Head With What?
Posted on July 20, 2009With a saw. Really. And then he offered her $5 not to call the police! As reported by The Treasure Coast Palm: The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after James Patrick Fitzgerald and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication...
Those Darn Hospital Visiting Rules ...
Posted on July 19, 2009Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It's definitely the coolest place I've ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can't bring the patient's horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up...
Can You Stalk Someone From The Attic?
Posted on July 18, 2009Yes indeed. Washington [state] resident Roy "Billy" Day did not appreciate being dumped. So he camped out (literally) in his ex-girlfriend's attic. (He had a sleeping bag and a fan up there!) He then cut a hole in the ceiling, jumped down and assaulted his ex and her daughter...
Court Doesn't Like Friday?
Posted on July 17, 2009Is it just me, or does "Friday" evoke positive thoughts for you too? For most folks, it's the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend. Well sir, an Italian court took a different view of "Friday." As reported by the BBC News: Italy's top court has banned a couple from naming their son Venerdi (Friday), saying such a "ridiculous" name could expose the boy to mockery...
You DON'T Want To Roll This Guy's House
Posted on July 16, 2009Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com: Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up...
A Right To Dry?
Posted on July 15, 2009Yes, "right to dry," not "right to die," though some people may jump off their condo balconies if, heaven forfend, Project Laundry List, and some New England legislators get their wish. What do they want? Per The Boston Globe: If successful, the measures in Vermont and Connecticut would be the first in New England, and among the first in the country, to protect the age-old custom of air-drying laundry...
Man F-bombed Judge And ...
Posted on July 14, 2009... walked right out of the courthouse, a free man. This is the same man who is being investigated for e-mailing death threats to [former] President Bush. Michael Dahlquist was in court in New York regarding some threatening letters he sent a woman in 2004...
Crunchy, Crunchy Food
Posted on July 13, 2009Hey, I like crunchy foods, probably more than most folks. But I absolutely draw the line at glass. Yes, glass. Ms. Lynette Margaret Quessy thought she would get her husband to deal with his drinking problem by lacing his food with glass! As reported by news...
Doctor Takes Picture Of Sedated Patient's What?
Posted on July 12, 2009His penis! And the tattoo says "Hot Rod." That HAD to hurt! The patient was undergoing surgery, and was sedated when the surgeon took the photo. Seems the doc showed it around (so he's not a brain surgeon - ba-da-bing), and someone made an anonymous call to the press...
Group Banned Because Of Their Name?
Posted on July 11, 2009Holy Shit! No, actually, the name of the Canadian band is "Holy Fuck." The band, featured on this month's cover of the magazine "Exclaim," was told by the venue Coachella that their gig was canceled because of their name. Funny thing though. Holy Fuck played there before! And remember, Canada has much more relaxed laws and attitudes about "bad words" than the U...
Hmmm. Did Former Judge Say "Naughty" or "Gaudy" ...
Posted on July 10, 2009Hey, I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, if it's a close call, and there's no history. You make the call on this one. Per the Palm Beach Post: The Judicial Qualifications Commission filed formal charges against [Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge Howard] Berman in December 2000...
Teeth In Your Green Beans?
Posted on July 09, 2009Not to worry. Those teeth? They are in the mouth of a rat, whose head Texan Dale Cane found in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans! If you're thinking this is a one-time thing, think again. As reported in The Beaumont Enterprise: Utah mother Marianne Watson in October 2007 made the news after reporting that she found a rat head in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, also purchased at a Wal-Mart...
Oh No You Didn't Bust That Lady For Dropping The F-bomb At Wal-Mart
Posted on July 08, 2009Sure enough. Kathyrn Fridge, a 28-year-old Texas mom, as reported in the Galveston County Daily News, went with her 2-year-old daughter and mother to Wal-Mart on Aug. 4 to buy batteries just in case Edouard left the county without electricity the following day...
Gliding While Intoxicated?
Posted on July 07, 2009It was a bad idea, and it didn't end well. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review: Witnesses told township police that [Jay Matthew] Tokar [age 46] was flying his glider dangerously close to children playing soccer in the area. They also told police Tokar was yelling at people on the golf course and trying to spit on them...
Judge Said What?
Posted on July 06, 2009Per the Alaska Supreme Court's decision, Judge David Landry: made inappropriate sexual comments to female court employees in the workplace. These included a note to a female employee that her "Hillbilly thermometers are distracting", a note to a court clerk referring to a juror, stating, "I think Ms...
Have I Got A Piece Of Property For You!
Posted on July 05, 2009A Chinese company called "Beijing Lunar Village Aeronautics and Technology Co Ltd," but operating as the "Lunar Embassy to China," offered land on the moon at the low, low price of 298 yuan (about $40) per acre. And just in case you need to check up on your plot, this ambitious company also registered to engage in space travel...
A Doctor Is Kind Of Like A Tailor, Right?
Posted on July 04, 2009They both sew with a steady hand, right? Somehow, a 30-year-old Indian man posed as a doctor for almost a year without raising even an eyebrow. So how was he caught? A security guard overheard the "doctor" telling a patient that he did not know the way to the pathology lab! And what did the man say when he was caught? He said he was a surgeon in India, had a applied for a job, and was just wandering around waiting for word on his application...
Robber's Weapon Of Choice? Tough To Conceal
Posted on July 03, 2009This man didn't walk into Walgreens with no stinkin' pocket knife. No, it's the Powell Doctrine (remember, overwhelming force?) or nothing. Per The Denver Post: A 19-year-old Denver man wielding a samurai sword is suspected of holding up a pharmacy Tuesday night in Glendale...
"I'm Not The Best Criminal"
Posted on July 02, 2009That may be an understatement. Sure, if you're in jail, maybe it's not a big deal to steal from another inmate. But what about stealing a computer from the jail? Yup. Per the Kalamazoo Gazette:Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr. sentenced [Western Michigan University student William K...
Is That Even "Armed" Robbery?
Posted on July 01, 2009Okay so the guy had a knife, but it was a butter knife. And the motel clerk didn't think much of it either. Per the Rapid City Journal [South Dakota]: The front desk clerk told police a man pointed a butter knife at her and asked her for money. When she refused, the man left the hotel, walking west, police said...
Easy Way To Make $45 On Your $5 Investment!
Posted on June 30, 2009You know those ideas that make you say "why didn't I think of that? It's so simple." Well, this isn't one of them. The only simple thing about this scheme is the dude that tried to pull it off. From the South Florida Sun-Senitnel: Add a zero to a $5 bill and it becomes a $50? Well, one would-be thief today tried to pass off a fake fifty at the Ace hardware store, 510 E...
How To GUARANTEE That Your Kid Will Get Better Grades And Higher SAT Scores
Posted on June 29, 2009The old saw remains true: if it's sounds too good to be true, it is. So how did former high school secretary Caroline McNeal allegedly assure that her daughter increased her grades and SAT scores? Per The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: The first clue that something was amiss came when a high school guidance office employee in fall 2007 noticed that the SAT college entrance exam score in the school computer for Ms...
A Truly Obscene Number Of Obscene Phone Calls
Posted on June 28, 2009How many? In Paul Kavanagh's case, 15,000! He's been at it since 1995. On one day in February of this year, he made 65 calls! After all these years, how did they catch a guy who used unregistered cell phones? He gave the police a huge clue when he told one of his victims that he "liked the way [her] hair is today...
Dude, You're Violin Is Killing Me!
Posted on June 27, 2009What's a person to do when his boarding housemate's violin playing has been driving him insane for three years? Per The Courier Mail: The man approached the violin player, snapped the bow and threw it out the window of the Lutwyche residence. He said he had been listening to him play it badly for three years and finally had a "brain snap and couldn't listen to it any longer"...
How Can You Convict One Twin If You Can't Tell Them Apart?
Posted on June 26, 2009An interesting question, and not an academic one, for identical twins Gavin and Rhys Higgins, and for the alleged victim, Darryl Churchill. Per the Daily Mail: Darryl Churchill had claimed that one of the twins set upon him after a dispute over a game of pool which he had refereed...
Is BFWI A Crime?
Posted on June 25, 2009BFWI? Breast-feeding while intoxicated. And yes, at least in Grand Forks, North Dakota it is - and it's a felony. As reported by the Grand Forks Herald: A Grand Forks mother who police say was ?extremely intoxicated? while breast-feeding her 6-week-old pleaded guilty to child neglect Tuesday...
Doctor's Troubling Career Ends
Posted on June 24, 2009Timothy Paul Gatschet of Wichita, Kansas was not exactly a shining example of what a doctor should be. From The Hays Daily News: [The Kansas State Board of Healing Arts] had taken away his license in 1993 for inappropriate conduct. In 1996, he was convicted of three felony counts of attempted enticement of a child...
Pennsylvania Beer Laws? Grab A Six Pack And Get Comfortable
Posted on June 23, 2009You live in Pennsylvania, and you just want to pick up a six-pack of beer and be on your way. So you head down to the Sheetz convenience store, which has a license to sell beer. But, under Pennsylvania law, because Sheetz wouldn't allow folks to drink on the premises, they're not allowed to sell beer at all! Say what? Sheetz took this absurd law to the Pennsylvania Supreme Court and ...
Dear, I Think That Man Was Driving Backwards
Posted on June 22, 2009Now, dear, don't be ... oh my! He is driving backwards - down the highway! As reported by tdn.com (Washington State): Police arrested a driver Thursday night who was cruising along Interstate 5 ? in reverse. The 41-year-old man drove at least three miles backward on Interstate 5 before his arrest around 8:30 p...
Damn You Teddy!
Posted on June 21, 2009Here's the defense: "It wasn't me. It was all the bear's idea." The crime? Per The Sydney Morning Herald: Police said in April this year [22-year-old Russell] Hounslow's 21-year-old flatmate found a camera inside a teddy bear on her bedside table and discovered it was linked to a video cassette recorder...
Dude Must Have Been REALLY Hungry
Posted on June 20, 2009Talk about a petty crime. Per newsok.com (The Oklahoman): Roger Hamilton told police he was sitting on a bus station bench, preparing to put mayonnaise on his 76-cent bologna and cheese sandwich, when a man wearing headphones began staring at him. Hamilton, 24, told police he asked the man if he could help him, but the man punched him in the mouth and snatched his sandwich...
Can A Lady Just Mail A Letter Without Being Harassed?
Posted on June 19, 2009On several occasions, I have put an envelope in my bike bag and arrived home, having forgotten to stop by the mailbox. Never, though, have I stopped by the mailbox, having forgotten to put on my clothes. Florida resident Marilyn Incigeri made that trip to the mailbox ...
You're Stalking The Police?
Posted on June 18, 2009Dude. Of all people to stalk, the police? That's what Thomas C. Massey of Traverse City, Michigan is accused of, per the Traverse City Record-Eagle: Massey spent a good portion of Monday shouting at officers and making a profane gesture at them as he paced around the building, police said...
Saved By The Cell ... Phone
Posted on June 17, 2009If you are one of those folks who refuses to carry a cell phone, I seriously doubt that this story will change your mind. But for those who carry them religiously (me?), and feel strange if we don't have them, vindication! Check out this story from the Atlanta Journal Constitution: The robber came in the door of the Beverage Mart liquor store in Roswell, waving a big, black hunting knife...
License Plate "0" May Be #1 In Parking Tickets
Posted on June 16, 2009Perhaps you might feel otherwise, but despite receiving 77 parking tickets this year - all "unearned" - Illinois resident Tom Feddor would not dream of giving up his "0" license plate. His grandfather got it in 1971, and it's been in the family ever since...
Clerk Makes Himself Immortal
Posted on June 15, 2009How can a judge's clerk make himself immortal? By cleverly inserting his name in an opinion. Props to the Southeast Texas Record's John Browning for sharing this story. And speaking of the story, here's how law clerk Bob Bragalone put his name in Judge Belew's published opinion: He started each paragraph of the opinion with a letter in his name...
Cook Put What In The Steak?
Posted on June 14, 2009Pubic Hair! As reported by cbs4denver.com: "According to the [police] complaint, a second kitchen worker told police [the cook] put a slit in the steak and pushed something inside, then stated, "These are my pubes," referring to pubic hair." [The cook said they were facial hairs...
Wet Blanket On Iowa Wet T-Shirt Contest?
Posted on June 13, 2009[Sorry if this disappoints anyone, but that there is a costume.] So wet t-shirt contests might not be your thing, but really, is it something you want to spend time prosecuting? In Mason City, Iowa, that would be a "yes," as reported by RadioIowa.com...
Punished For Toilet Paper Letter?
Posted on June 12, 2009Texas Inmate George Morgan filed a habeas petition, which the state moved to dismiss. This didn't sit well with Mr. Morgan. So he wrote a note to assistant U.S. attorney Susan San Miguel on toilet paper. What did the note say? As reported by Courthouse News Service: "Dear Susan, Please use this to wipe your ass, that argument was a bunch of shit! You[rs] Truly, George Morgan...
Beyond Road Rage
Posted on June 11, 2009So this man and his son (the Estays) were cruising down an Idaho highway when they saw their car ... being driven by someone else. They say they thought it was stolen. Nope. Turns out it was being repossessed (by the Lyles). A car chase ensued. Per kpvi...
What, You Don't Find Kohl's Exciting?
Posted on June 10, 2009Honestly, I'm not a Kohl's guy either. But some people get really excited about shopping there ... A man from Oconomowoc, accused of fondling himself in a department store, was charged Monday with one count of Lewd and Lascivious Behavior. According to the criminal complaint, Daniel Wagner, 38, was seen masturbating in a Kohl's Department store on St...
Interesting Gardening Apparel
Posted on June 09, 2009There are folks who garden in more traditional garb (clothes), and then there are the Pierces of Boulder, Colorado. They were spotted gardening in front of their rental unit with very little on - Ms. Pierce was sporting pasties and a thong; Mr. Pierce was was just wearing a thong...
Really? You Missed A Cyst That Big?
Posted on June 08, 2009Although he had examined the patient several times in 2002 and 2003, the doctor failed to notice that his patient had a 32 pound cyst! What did he tell her? Per the Otago [New Zealand] Daily Times online, that ... ...she was overweight and prescribed weight-loss pills...
Toilet Tissue Tax Tiff
Posted on June 07, 2009Oh no you didn't K-Mart. You didn't just charge Mary Bach tax on that toilet paper. Everybody knows that, unlike other paper goods, toilet paper is not taxed in Pennsylvania. No, Ms. Bach is not making a federal case out it - just a teeny, tiny $100 state court case...
Would You Sue Your Mom?
Posted on June 06, 2009If you blamed your mom for severing your pinky, would you sue her? A contractor in New Jersey did. As reported at NorthJersey.com: In 2006, John P. Garrity was installing hardwood floors for his mother, Nancy, when the accident occurred, according to court papers...
Can You Have Your Pot And Eat It Too?
Posted on June 05, 2009Sort of. A 17-year-old Washington student stood before his class and presented his essay on why marijuana should be legalized. And? Oh no you didn't... Per The News Tribune: At the end of his speech ... [he] pulled out a joint, lit it and smoked away...
A Helping Hand For Possible Jumper On Bridge?
Posted on June 04, 2009I guess it depends on what you mean by "helping." If you mean helping the possible jumper - who had been standing on the bridge for hours - make up his mind, then yes, Lai Jiansheng provided a helping hand to Chen Fuchao. Lai approached Chen and shook his hand, then pushed him off the bridge! Luckily for Chen, as reported by The China Post, [he] fell 26 feet (8 meters) onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion laid out by authorities and survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries, the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday...
Dad Picks Wrong Woman To Be His Son's "First"
Posted on June 03, 2009It should go without saying that every kid ought to hear "the talk" from his parents. But a 42-year-old British dad apparently wanted to go the extra mile for his 14-year-old son - by hooking him up (sorry) with a prostitute! Alas, the woman dad approached was ...
Drunk People Make Bad Decisions
Posted on June 02, 2009Here's a very good example, per WTHR.com: It was a day that kept getting worse for a Terre Haute man who put his car in a ditch and then tried to get it out with a "borrowed" tractor. When officers arrived, they discovered a large farm tractor and car in a ditch, apparently after falling from the bridge...
Maybe Things Aren't Going Well With Your Employer, But ...
Posted on June 01, 2009Warning: Do not read this right before, or after, eating, because it's really, really gross. Okay, here it goes, per The Standard, "China's Business Newspaper" A domestic helper has appeared in court accused of trying to injure her employer by mixing her menstrual blood in a pot of vegetables she was cooking...
Think This Poor Kid Has ANY Sober Relatives?
Posted on May 31, 2009A 1-year-old boy was waiting for a relative to pick him up at the police station in Schererville, Indiana because his mom was busted for drunk driving. So his dad drove to the station to get him, only he was drunk too, and was also busted for drunk driving...
If You're Growing Weed, Think Twice About Having Burglar Alarm ...
Posted on May 30, 2009Dr. Alfredo Gonzalez, of Cape Cod, Massachusetts, learned this the hard way. While the doc was out, his burglar alarm went off. The police responded and, while searching for a burglar, instead found a $4,000 "BloomBox," and seven marijuana plants. Doh! And guess where doctor Gonzales works? He directs a drug treatment facility! Word is, per court documents, that Dr...
A Robber's Brilliant Disguise
Posted on May 29, 2009It's 4:30 a.m. in Lincoln, Nebraska, and this guy needed some cigarettes. He was probably drunk (from drinking Bud Light.) Why would I guess that he was drinking Bud Light? Well sir, as reported by the Lincoln Journal Star: A man who robbed a north Lincoln Kwik Shop on Monday morning brought a disguise ? he was wearing a Bud Light box on his head...
Not Exactly A Stand-Up Audi Dealer
Posted on May 28, 2009You take your car in to be repaired. Clearly you're not going to leave anything valuable inside of it. But what about leaving the tires and wheels on it? I am not joking. Apparently, you need to take them with you. As reported in The Charlotte Observer: Mickey Coffino dropped off her Audi at the dealer on a Friday afternoon to get her trunk and window fixed...
What's Wrong With Strip Poker?
Posted on May 27, 2009Okay, how do you feel about strip "throw rocks at cars on the highway from an overpass" poker? Yes, that's what two dipshits in Washington have been charged with. As reported by KOMO News: State troopers have arrested two people suspected of damaging at least 14 vehicles by throwing baseball-sized rocks onto them from a railroad trestle over Interstate 5 as a part of a stripping game...
Uh, How Did You Get To Court Today?
Posted on May 26, 2009I'll give you a hint. Tony Van, of San Francisco, California, went to court to find out what the jury decided in his auto theft case. Here's another hint, he didn't take the streetcar to court. His transportation to court: a stolen Lexus SUV! Here's how the police discovered this, per the Marin Independent Journal: While Van was in the courthouse awaiting the verdict, two Civic Center employees on a break noticed some loose Yorkies around a Lexus in the parking lot...
Teacher, Teacher - This Is No Way To Supplement Your Income
Posted on May 25, 2009Oregon elementary school teacher Elizabeth Lucinda Logan picked the wrong way to supplement her income. She stole a student's coat and sold it on eBay! As reported in the Hillsboro Argus, Judge Marco Hernandez called her behavior "bizarre." He said it didn't make sense that someone of her intelligence would testify she immediately tried to get the coat back from the online auction site when she found out the coat might belong to a third-grade girl...
Love Bites?
Posted on May 24, 2009Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that's probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his ... What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel: According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night...
Yo. What The Hell Are You Doing On My Sofa?
Posted on May 23, 2009This is eerily similar to a recent Juice post, though with a much less compelling rationale, and no bags of poop. How would you like to return to your home on a Sunday morning and find some dude passed out on your couch? In his underwear? Having raided your refrigerator? A couple in Pierson, Florida was not too pleased...
I Know It's The Most Populous Country In The World, But ...
Posted on May 22, 2009Sure, there are more than 1,338,000,000 people in China, but we're still talking about a boatload of corruption. As reported by crienglish.com: Chinese disciplinary organs have punished 881,000 officials for misconduct from July 2003 to December 2008, the Communist Party of China (CPC) Central Commission for Discipline Inspection (CCDI) said on Wednesday...
Good Dog, Bad Dog
Posted on May 21, 2009The police dog did a good job subduing the suspect, biting him on the arms and legs. But then he forgot who he was working for. Per The Daily Telegraph: Police and the dog squad were called to a home on The Causeway just before 2.30am after receiving reports of a man hiding in a garage...
Wow. That's A Cool $20 Coin!
Posted on May 20, 2009Check out the new $20 coin! What do you mean there is no new $20 coin? But that guy said ... Per The Patriot News: State police are looking for a man who passed a fake $20 coin at an ice cream parlor in Williams Township, Dauphin County. Police said the man, described as white, short and stocky, with black curly hair, used the coin Friday evening to purchase ice cream at Willow Tree Ice Cream...
Serious Beatdown Over An OLD Affair
Posted on May 19, 2009So this 78-year-old woman thinks her 84-year-old husband had an affair 35 years ago. What did she do? As reported by The Daily Herald: The woman allegedly told police she pushed her husband down and hit him with a bowl and a metal pipe. Investigators recovered the woman's diary in which she allegedly wrote, "I beat him again...
Isn't Tenure Awesome?
Posted on May 18, 2009The headline from the story by WXYZ in Detroit sums it up nicely: "Teacher By Day, Inmate By Night." For 30 days anyway, when Mr. Donald Colpaert is not teaching social studies to middle schoolers in Macomb County, he's in jail. Here's an exchange between WXYZ reporter Heather Catallo and Mr...
A Hurt Much Worse Than Being Dumped
Posted on May 17, 2009It can't feel good to be dumped. (Like The Juice would know?) But surely it must be better than having your penis nearly bitten off? The question could be posed to a 56-year-old Belgian man who has some serious teeth marks on his ... Per The West Australian: A Thai woman bit her Belgian boyfriend?s penis out of jealousy during sex, but doctors managed to save the nearly-severed organ, police and reports said today...
Do NOT Mess With Old Faithful
Posted on May 16, 2009There might be a webcam on you ... right now. There's definitely one on Old Faithful at Yellowstone National Park, as 6 trespassers found out. Some folks watching it online saw them leave the boardwalk, and saw 2 of them urinate on Old Faithful! They called park rangers, and the suspects were rounded up, as reported by redgreenandblue...
Doctor Powered His Car With What?
Posted on May 15, 2009I immediately thought of "Fight Club" when I read this story. As reported by Forbes.com: For a time, Beverly Hills doctor Craig Alan Bittner turned the fat he removed from patients into biodiesel that fueled his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator...
Sure, Officers, Come Right In
Posted on May 14, 2009For the sake of argument, let's say you have, oh, roughly 296 marijuana plants growing in your basement. The police come to your door, asking if they can search your house. You say ... yes? You do if you are Nathan King, Jr. of Kanawha County, West Virginia...
It Definitely Pays To Thoroughly Clean Your Room ...
Posted on May 13, 2009This is a lesson that a Unity College (Maine) student learned the hard way. After school is over, and your cleaning out your room, MAKE SURE TO TAKE YOUR MARIJUANA PLANTS WITH YOU! Per the Portland Press Herald: Unity College held its graduation ceremonies Saturday...
Life For Stealing A TV And A Laptop?
Posted on May 12, 2009Okay, so it would be his 8th strike. But really, do you want to send a 31-year-old man away for life for stealing a laptop and a tv? As reported by kfor.com: Brew is always on the move at Pope Distributing in Enid, but beer wasn't what was on tap for a couple of criminals who recently paid Pope's an unwelcome visit and stole a television and laptop computer...
Sex Doctor Back At It
Posted on May 11, 2009They must really need dermatologists in Edmonton. Either that or perhaps they make it a practice to coddle offending doctors. Dr. Paul Lubitz had sex with not one, not two, not three, but FOUR of his patients. Really, should this guy be practicing medicine? [No!] He is, after serving an 18-month suspension...
Tell Me You're Not Going To Charge This Guy
Posted on May 10, 2009Even if this is technically a crime (like you never speed!), what kind of person would report this? Very uncool. The guy wasn't hurting anybody. As reported by The Republican-American: A man from Stonington faces public indecency charges after state police said he was driving nude on Interstate 84 on Wednesday morning...
Bank Robbing 101
Posted on May 09, 2009One would think it goes without saying that perhaps the first rule of robbing a bank (other than not getting caught at the scene) is to not allow yourself to be identified, be it by a surveillance camera, fingerprints, a wallet ... A wallet? Yes, Albert Vincent Perkins allegedly robbed a bank in Kansas City, and left his wallet behind, with his driver's license in it! Per the AP: The U...
Chuck Norris Is In The Protection Business?
Posted on May 08, 2009No, it's not the "give us cash to protect yourself from us" kind of protection. Without even being there, Chuck Norris has singlehandedly ended a series of break-ins at a bakery in Split, Croatia. From the Croatian Times: Store bosses have seen off burglars by placing a life-sized photo of Hollywood action star Chuck Norris in the window...
So You're Just Sitting In The Courtroom ...
Posted on May 07, 2009You're Benjamin J. Marchant, and you're just sitting in a courtroom in Dickson County, Tennessee. You haven't done anything, other than give a ride to a friend who does have some business before the court. And what did Judge Durwood G. Moore do to Mr...
Community Service In 4-Inch Heels?
Posted on May 06, 2009So this woman (no, that's not her, but I could you resist using that picture?) crashed her car and refused a breathalyzer test. For her crime, she was sentenced to 80 hours of community service. Apparently nobody anticipated that she would show up for the community service in 4-inch heels...
Another Jury Duty Slacker, And His Dog's Testicles ...
Posted on May 05, 2009Regular readers know that the Juice is not fond of folks who try to weasel out of jury duty. But this is one of the more idiotic methods I've seen employed (but did it work?). As reported by the Bozeman Daily Chronicle: Erik Slye, a Belgrade auto painter in his mid-30s, was summoned to appear for jury duty on Jan...
Judge DROPS The F-bomb - Constructively, Of Course
Posted on May 04, 2009Oh no you didn't just drop the f-bomb in court, Lord Justice Nicholas Wall. He did, to make a point. As reported by the Sun: Lord Justice Nicholas Wall used the words of English poet Philip Larkin to stress the devastating impact on children when couples keep warring after they split up...
Yes, I Know Spitting Is Gross, But ...
Posted on May 03, 2009Should spitting really be criminalized? "Yes," said the powers that be in Cincinnati. Here's a law that was passed in 2006 as part of the "Neighborhood Quality of Life Unified Code" Sec. 1601-27. Spitting in a Public Place. No person shall spit upon any sidewalk, street, highway, alley, the floor of any bus used for public transportation, theater, railway or public transportation depot or platform or the floor of any school house, church or public building of any kind...
How's The Tumidity There?
Posted on May 02, 2009Tumid? Seriously, does anyone know what "tumid" means? Some legislators did, because they put it in Section 3303.14 of the Columbus (Ohio) Code: "Nude" or "state of nudity" means a state of dress or undress that exposes to view: ... 2. Human male genitals in a discernibly tumid state, even with a complete and opaque covering, or3...
You Call That A Burglary?
Posted on May 01, 2009I guess technically it's a burglary, since the home was broken into, and something was stolen. But really, jellybeans? And nothing else? As reported by the Erie Times News: Police said the burglar broke the window in the front door of a home in the 12000 block of East Lake Road in North East Township sometime between 7 and 11:59 p...
Not The Most Romantic Place For Intimicay
Posted on April 30, 2009Sure, everyone has either heard about, or engaged in, a love tumble in a strange place or two. But, as Maxwell Smart often said to the Chief, "would you believe" a couple in British Columbia was caught having sex IN A GARBAGE TRUCK!? As reported in the Courier Mail, there were " ...
I'll Have A Double Skim Latte, Hold The Lead
Posted on April 29, 2009I don't even know if that's a real drink. But I do know that I don't expect the dude working at Starbucks to be packing heat. Such was the case at a Washington, DC Starbucks (at 16th and U Streets, NW), as reported by myfoxdc.com. How do we know he was packing? Because he shot himself in the leg! "...
With A Picnic Table?
Posted on April 28, 2009This one is just really, really, really strange. Per wtol.com: Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says [Mr.] Price ... was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. Holy shiznit! So what charge is Mr...
You Might Think Twice Before Pissing This Kid Off
Posted on April 27, 2009A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor's porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey: The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil...
No! Not Another Crime Committed With ... An Octopus!
Posted on April 26, 2009Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press: The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs...
How Do You Revoke Your Own Bond?
Posted on April 25, 2009New Yorker John McDonald was charged with second-degree assault for attacking a cab driver in Aspen, Colorado. Why? Apparently he was pissed because the cabbie wouldn't take him somewhere to buy cigarettes. So, said the cabbie, McDonald popped him in the face, breaking at least one bone...
No, I Won't Drink To That
Posted on April 24, 2009Ohio resident Alan David Patton went to great lengths to collect urine ... so he could drink it. So a father and his son were trying to use a restroom at Sports Ohio. Per the Columbus Local News: The father told police there were trash bags covering the toilets and paper cups in the urinals, as well as typed signs in the restroom directing people to use the urinals with the cups in them...
Officer, You Tasered A Cow?
Posted on April 23, 2009If nothing else, that's gotta bring some seriously bad karma. As reported by the AP, Police [in Rogers, Arkansas] are conducting an internal investigation into an allegation that a lieutenant used his stun gun to shock a cow and shared a videotape of the incident with other department employees...
Busted For Starting A Pillow Fight
Posted on April 22, 2009Hey man, I just find the news. I don't make this stuff up. I'm not sure I could. Darin Cassler of Burlington, Vermont was arrested for starting a pillow fight, albeit a large one. As reported by The Burlington Free Press: The pillow pugilism broke out Friday afternoon on Church Street and involved perhaps 50 people, according to a video organizers posted on the social-networking site Facebook...
The Only Way To Fly ...
Posted on April 21, 2009Forget about flying first class. Men may soon be asking for "Martz" class. Why? Pilot Martz was flying a helicopter while receiving oral sex from a porn actress! How do we know this? It's on video! ("The video shows the woman disrobing before engaging Martz in a sex act while the San Diego landscape is passing by the [ahem] cockpit windows," as reported by the San Diego Union-Tribune...
Busted For - Literally - Throwing Money Out The Window
Posted on April 20, 2009You know the expression "throwing money out the window?" How about "money to burn?" Well, a man in Taiwan DID BOTH, and was arrested and "charged with public endangerment and destruction of currency," as reported by news.com.au. The man tossed the bills [$1 million Taiwan ($30,000 US)] from a taxi in a crowded part of Taichung city on Sunday as people stopped to pick up the cash, Changhua police official Lin Shih-ming said...
A Real Jury Charmer
Posted on April 19, 2009Defendant Richard Glawson can forget about jury sympathy. After the judge refused the prosecutor's request to have Glawson shackled, he sucker-punched an elderly juror, then had to be pulled off of him. Sure, hindsight is 20/20. In this case, though, foresight should have been easy enough...
The City That Banned Karaoke ...
Posted on April 18, 2009Seriously, you banned karaoke, Lilburn, Georgia? And it lasted 2 years? I'm guessing those lawmakers must have hated "Footloose." All that dancing and music ... As reported in The Atlanta Journal Constitution: Sing your hearts out, Lilburn. Now, it?s allowed...
Two-Year-Old Steals Video Games?
Posted on April 17, 2009Yes, a 2-year-old girl left a Hollywood Video store in New York with more than $1,000 of video games in her stroller! Sure, some might argue I should also mention that, per the Albany Times Union, Police said [the girl's stepfather] Miguel Angel Rodriguez, 20, hid ...
Cat Makes Itself At Home In Neighbor's Yard, And The Neighbor Get's A Ticket?
Posted on April 16, 2009For real. Apparently it wasn't the first time Michael Rainey's cat mistook neighbor Joseph Loflin's yard for a litter box. As reported by Click2Houston.com: "'Your cat has been back there defecating in my back yard,'" [former police officer] Loflin said he told his neighbor...
You Named Your Horse "Nutzapper?"
Posted on April 15, 2009If you want your horse to race in North America, the name must be approved by the Jockey Club. Andy Hillis wanted to name his horse "Nutzapper" after hearing it used in a joke on the Tonight Show. So Hillis told the Jockey Club (as reported in Slate) that he wanted the name because (prepare to dab away the tears) "as a young boy in Canada, he loved to zap walnuts in boiling oil and sprinkle them on salads...
Am I The Only One Who Missed This Story?
Posted on April 14, 2009So Kevin Costner was getting a massage at a hotel in Scotland. According to the masseuse, who later filed a claim of unfair dismissal and sexual discrimination, here's a highlight: Throughout the massage he kept putting his hand underneath his towel but never kept it there long enough for me to suspect anything...
Son - Fat, Drunk and Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life
Posted on April 13, 2009(For the uninitiated, that's from Animal House.) I have no idea if Christopher Kelly is fat or stupid. I do know that on a recent night, he was incredibly drunk. Here are some highlights of his bender, as reported in This Is Lancashire: When the story of Christopher Kelly's escapes were told to magistrates, a probation service officer had to leave the court in fits of laughter...
Quite The Mature Streaker
Posted on April 12, 2009Call Guinness Book. At least I've not read about an older streaker. As reported in the Irish Independent: Police in Duisburg, Germany are becoming rather irked with a serial streaker. They hauled him into court after he streaked during a girls' football match...
A Doctor Without Boundaries ...
Posted on April 11, 2009As reported by The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, here is the story of Dr. John Geoffrey Limbert of Victoria, British Columbia: This family physician cared for a female patient for five years during which time she had two pregnancies. Subsequently, he established himself as a full-time sex therapist [I think you can guess where this is going] and she sought his professional advice...
Lookout. Here Comes The Judge.
Posted on April 10, 2009Defendant Bruce Young (who was awaiting trial on federal drug charges) was pissed - twice! (blank-sucking little blank?). But he was not in court on the drug charges when the outbursts occurred. He was there on charges of attempted escape and conspiracy to commit escape...
Not Your Average Police Dog
Posted on April 09, 2009I think this dog skipped a lot of classes at the Police K-9 Academy...
A Really Strange Tradition
Posted on April 08, 2009Remember the neighborhood kid who used to stick a firecracker in a tadpole's mouth and light it? Or the kid who smeared lightning bugs on each fingernail and proudly held up his hands? No? (And no, it wasn't me! He lived in my neighborhood, and his name is ...
So Somehow This Is My Fault?
Posted on April 06, 2009Darren Mirren, age 16, had an interview scheduled with a commercial cleaning company. He didn't show. When they called him, he said he didn't know how to find the office. So they rescheduled the interview. Again he didn't show. Prepare yourself for this: He didn't get the job! OMG...
Poop Suit
Posted on April 05, 2009What do you do when your kid steps in poop? Here's what one woman did, as reported by UPI:[Norwalk, Connecticut] City Attorney M. Jeffry Spahr said Kelly DeBrocky of Mahopac, N.Y., filed suit against the city April 7, seeking $100 compensation for her child's ruined shoes and tickets for Maritime Aquarium -- which the mother said her family had to leave early because of the incident -- The (Stamford, Conn...
If You're Not Ready For The Test ...
Posted on April 04, 2009Kids, if you're not ready for the test, do NOT go down this road. As reported by Northland's News Center: A school in Duluth received quite the scare Monday. Around noon, the Nettleton Magnet School was evacuated after a 911 call claimed that someone was shot on the campus...
A Case Of Life Imitating Art?
Posted on April 03, 2009Two friends, Robert John (age 20) and Carl Thorpe (age 26) ran into each other in town. They had a few drinks and returned to Mr. Thorpe's apartment to watch a DVD "featuring football [soccer] hooligans," as reported by the BBC. [The DVD] featured footage of fans biting each other...
Some Seriously Strange Bonding
Posted on April 02, 2009This takes BFF to a whole nother level. As reported by WKBW - TV in Buffalo, New York: City of Tonawanda Police tell us of a most bizarre scene on Longs Avenue early Monday morning. It started with a call to law enforcement, after Longs Avenue Resident Jenny Stickles reported her car stolen...
What About This Idea For Getting To And From The Bar?
Posted on April 01, 2009A motorized barstool! Think about it. You hop on it at home, drive right into (and up to) the bar, down a few, then drive back home. Brilliant! The proud owner, Kile Wygle, said it can go 38 mph! Luckily for him, he was "only" going 20 mph when he crashed...
Oh No You Didn't Just Try To Rob THAT Village
Posted on March 31, 2009Criminals don't always make the best decisions. Here's an excellent example, as reported by the South Asian Post: Angry villagers in eastern India [Jharkhand] burned eight robbers and beat four others to death, police said. About 20 robbers raided a remote village in Jharkhand state, but were surrounded by hundreds of villagers, who began chasing them, the police said...
Can Employers and Employees Drop The F-Bomb in Italy?
Posted on March 30, 2009Yes, and no. Okay, maybe. According to the Court's latest ruling, yes. According to some prior rulings, no. Read on, from ANSA.it: It is OK to say ''Who the f*** do you think you are?'' to a boss as an ''instinctive'' reaction to being reprimanded, Italy's highest court said Thursday...
What Part of "No Omelette" Do You Not Understand?
Posted on March 29, 2009Ravi, the husband, wanted an omelette for dinner. And he's not real flexible (at least he wasn't at the time). Wife Kavitha, a school teacher, didn't feel like cooking no stinkin' omelette. After an argument, she began chopping onions for the omelette...
Streets Safe For Swedish Strip Club Ads?
Posted on March 28, 2009Tired of the same old billboards? You wouldn't be, if you were in Sweden. Some Swedish legislators were upset by mobile billboard ads for strip joints. Per The Local: ?It?s degrading to continually be confronted with cars whose main purpose is to drive around Stockholm?s streets in the evenings ? with naked women as the focal point ? serving as advertisements for strip clubs,? wrote Sylvia Lindgren and Veronica Palm ...
The Lake Oswego Police Blotter
Posted on March 27, 2009It's been a slow few days in Lake Oswego, Oregon, a town where, apparently, folks will call the police for just about anything. Here are a few highlights from the police department's records, as reported by the Lake Oswego Review: 3/16/09 3:21 p.m...
Mrs. Kobe, Mrs. Kobe, Mrs. Kobe
Posted on March 26, 2009If I titled the post "Vanessa Bryant, Vanessa Bryant ...." would you know who I was talking about? No. But like Prince, Shaq, and Magic, everybody knows who Kobe is. Now they're also going to know a little more about his wife Vanessa, thanks to a lawsuit filed by the couple's former housekeeper, Maria Jimenez, for wrongful termination, among other things...
Take That Stinking Parking Ticket And ...
Posted on March 25, 2009So this British woman (Penny Batkin) is driving her disabled son (he's 4, can't walk or talk, and has frequent seizures) to a hospice when she hears him gasping for air, as reported by The Telegraph. Of course she immediately pulls over to resuscitate him, which she does...
How About Theses Excuses For Speeding?
Posted on March 24, 2009Here are some interesting excuses offered by speeding drivers, as recalled by a Tennessee judge and some police officers, as reported by The Murfreesboro Post: ... When he asked why she sped, the driver replied, ?My colon has fallen in my vaginal canal...
Killjoys In Tremonton, Utah
Posted on March 23, 2009I guess, once upon a time (and still? - okay, let me have it, Tremontonians), certain animal behavior was popular in Tremonton, Utah. From the Tremonton City Ordinances: 13-221. Unlawful Acts. It shall be unlawful for any person to ... (4) ... let any male animal to any female animal for the purpose of providing entertainment or viewing to any person...
Flower Fight Leads To A Severed ...
Posted on March 22, 2009No, not that. Read on... So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly "poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric," per The Telegraph. But that wasn't the end of it...
"He's A Good Dog." I Think The Mailman Would Disagree
Posted on March 21, 2009OMFG. Make sure you click on the link at the end of the post to see a picture of mailman Gary Bloom's face. He was just making the rounds in Springfield, Missouri when the dog literally attacked HIS FACE. As reported by ky3.com: The Springfield-Greene County Health Department quarantined the dog for a mandatory 10 days...
A Candidate For The World's Worst Driver
Posted on March 20, 2009If there is a worse driver out there, I'd be shocked (unless it's the guy in this Juice post). As reported in The Hamilton Spectator, here are some highlights of Toronto resident Gloria O'Neill's driving history: Her driver?s licence was suspended as far back as 1978, when she was just 21...
Former MP's Friend Not Very Helpful In Court
Posted on March 19, 2009Former Labour MP Helen Clark (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire) is in the soup for some things she allegedly said to a barmaid. You know things are probably not going well when your "friend" testifies ... "I felt she had had a lot to drink. I felt she was out of control...
Pub Owner Faces The Music
Posted on March 18, 2009Nobody likes a noisy neighbor. What if you lived next to a bar that cranked out music - outside - from 9 p.m. - 3 a.m., from 5 speakers, nonstop? Such was the fate of some folks in Barcelona, Spain. As reported at canada.com: A court in Barcelona said three persons living near the city's Donegal pub "developed depressive anxiety syndrome that needed medical treatment" due to the noise ...
Dude, You're iTouch Is On Fire - No, I Mean It's Really "On Fire"
Posted on March 17, 2009Perhaps the Apple iTouch has been out so long that it's no longer "hot." A 15-year-old Ohio boy would beg to differ. Seems he bought an iTouch in November 2008. As alleged in the Complaint filed in Federal Court in Ohio: On December 4, 2008 ...Plaintiff ...
Judges Speed Too, And This One Lies
Posted on March 16, 2009Nobody likes getting a speeding ticket. But how far would you go to beat it? If you are Australian Judge Marcus Enfield (former Judge, that is), you'd go pretty damn far. As reported at abc.net.au (and brought to The Juice's attention by John in Australia), Mr...
Yes, You Want To Get To Court On Time, But ...
Posted on March 15, 2009No doubt you should always be on time for a court appearance. But let's say you don't have a ride, and there's this car sitting over there ... Yup, he [allegedly] stole it! As reported by the Cincinnati Enquirer: Spinnie, 42, of Norwood, is accused of stealing a Chevrolet Uplander on Tuesday in order to get to his 9 a...
How To Get Sundays Off In South Carolina ...
Posted on March 14, 2009If you're scheduled to work on Sunday in South Carolina, how about this little ditty from the South Carolina Code: Any employee of any business which operates on Sunday under the provisions of this section has the option of refusing to work in accordance with Section 53-1-100...
Man In Restaurant Busted For 2 F-Bombs
Posted on March 13, 2009Is it criminal to be incredibly rude and demeaning? If so, then this New Yorker dining out in Galveston, Texas is surely guilty. Here's what happened, as reported in The Galveston County Daily News: A Galveston officer was enjoying an early dinner at 4:15 p...
And I Thought Airline Security Was Crazy In The U.S.
Posted on March 12, 2009The Juice abhors vagueness. The European Union register of hand-luggage restrictions (which, by the way, was secret until last year!) prohibits passengers from bringing "any blunt instrument capable of causing injury" on the plane, as reported by The Austrian Times...
F-Bombs Hurled At Judge; "No You" Says Judge. The Result?
Posted on March 11, 2009So the police respond to a call regarding a gas station burglary. At the scene, they see old Bullock trying to hide. When told to halt, he runs - and crashes through a plate glass window. He was caught and taken to the hospital. When the cuffs were removed, and put on with his hands in front of him so he could be treated, he ran again! He was caught again, charged with unauthorized entry and simple escape, and convicted on both counts...
Not The Kind Of "Calling Card" You Want To Leave At The Scene
Posted on March 10, 2009If you're going to break into a tavern and steal 4 1/2 cases of beer, it's not a good idea to leave YOUR LIBRARY CARD ON THE FLOOR. Yes, these are allegations, but it sure doesn't look good for 34-year-old Kristopher Lehnhardt of Sheboygan, Wisconsin...
That's Not A Letter Sticking Out Of The Mailbox
Posted on March 09, 2009What else would you put in a mail slot on a door other than a letter? A penis, or course. Such was the case with Mr. Bryan Owens. And it wasn't easy. As reported in The Sun: Prosecutor Paul Caulfield said: ?He had adapted the draft excluder to make a hole wide enough for him to stick his penis through so others could see it...
Your Honor, You've Been Served
Posted on March 08, 2009Judge Paul Cosgrove was already having a bad day. He was at a meeting of the full Canadian Judicial Council, trying to keep his job. (A panel of 5 judges had voted 4-1 to remove him.) And at that meeting (per the Globe and Mail) ... Adding to Judge Cosgrove's woes, security was so lax at the Council meeting that a man who managed to plant himself in front of him at one point interrupted the hearing to angrily serve Judge Cosgrove with what he claimed were legal papers...
Tell Me You Didn't Crash That Funeral
Posted on March 07, 2009Son of a biscuit! She did crash that funeral. As reported by FoxCarolina.com: According to a[n] incident report, Nicole Leonard walked into the church while the funeral was going on and started dancing near the casket. Sure, that's weird, but read on...
The 20th Time? Definitely NOT A Charm
Posted on February 26, 2009Certainly all relationships have their ups and downs, but this is ridiculous. Chalie Simon, a 19-year-old sophomore at the University of Colorado, and her ex-boyfriend had, according to him, broken up about 20 times over the course of a year! I'm guessing that he broke up the 20th time, and here's why, as reported by The Boulder Daily Camera: Cmdr...
What Family Wouldn't Be Proud To Have Two Brothers Who Are Judges?
Posted on February 25, 2009Perhaps there is one such family. It involves something that has probably never happened before, nor is it likely to ever happen again. On the same day, the New York Commission on Judicial Conduct found that two brothers should be removed from the bench...
Doesn't Know ... From A Hole In The Ground ...
Posted on February 24, 2009I think it's safe to say that virtually everyone has heard the expression "doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground." With that in mind, here's an excerpt below from a Florida disciplinary case against Dr. G.K. Dwarka Nath: 37. The pathology report for the "colonoscopy" biopsy found benign squamous mucosa ...
Okay, So This Judge May Not Be A Racist, But He Definitely Has No Future In Comedy
Posted on February 23, 2009Let's say you are Sheikh Khalid Ben Abdfullah Rashid Alfawaz, you're rich, and you're getting a divorce in an English court. During a Hearing, here are some of the judge's comments:That the sheikh could choose ?to depart on his flying carpet? to escape paying costs...
Damn Skunk Lover
Posted on February 22, 2009What do you do to a guy who feels bad for a trapped animal frying in the sun (with no food or water) so he moves the cage? You arrest him, of course. No worries, though. Read on (from UPI): Charges were dropped Thursday against a Utah man who moved a city-owned skunk trap into the shade because he felt sorry for the animal inside...
Think This Guy Is Drunk?
Posted on February 21, 2009Think this guy is drunk? You'll know for sure at 45 seconds.
Teacher Hair Today, Gone ...
Posted on February 20, 2009Since the Juice is against school dress codes, how do you think he feels about "hair" codes? Check this out, from The Hindu (the "Online edition of India's National Newspaper"): In a bizarre incident, a teacher snipped off the hair of five students in a school in Burdwan district of West Bengal for allegedly not adhering to the institute?s code of conduct related to hairdo...
DUI Judge - Now The Juice Is REALLY Ticked Off
Posted on February 19, 2009A few days ago, I had a post on Ohio Judge James Heath. He essentially walked after a DUI and a refusal. After having seen the YouTube video of his arrest below, now I am really incensed. Judge Heath repeatedly tried to used his position as a judge to weasel out of the arrest...
So What's Wrong With Returning A Lobster?
Posted on February 18, 2009Like many shoppers before him, Mr. Walter Tessier walked into a grocery store (in Amsterdam, New York) and bought a lobster. He later returned to the store claiming that the lobster was bad, and exchanged it for a bag of king crab legs. So whatsamatta? Just this: the lobster shell was empty! As reported by The Times Union: When confronted, the man with a passion for seafood ran from the store with the bag of crab legs in hand, they said...
Tenure Is Awesome! Just Ask This Teacher ...
Posted on February 17, 2009The headline from the story by WXYZ in Detroit sums it up nicely: "Teacher By Day, Inmate By Night." For 30 days anyway, when Mr. Donald Colpaert is not teaching social studies to middle schoolers in Macomb County, he's in jail. Here's an exchange between WXYZ reporter Heather Catallo and Mr...
Must Be Nice To Be A Judge
Posted on February 16, 2009How does a Judge who refused to take a Breathalyzer test, and gets arrested for DUI, and has his license suspended for one year, essentially walk? I don't know. But that's what happened to Warren County (Ohio) Common Pleas Judge James Heath. And on top of that, apparently as recorded in the police video of the incident, Judge Heath tried to weasel out of the DUI...
Memo To Judge: "This Is Bullshit"
Posted on February 15, 2009That's what Natasha Riley, not pleased with the way things were going for her client, said to Judge Mangano in the Brooklyn Family Court during a custody proceeding. But Judge Mangano would have the last laugh. Because most lawyers aren't dumb enough to address a judge that way [even if it is bullshit!], Judge Mangano became suspicious...
Teacher's Abscence Definitely Not Excused
Posted on February 14, 2009How come nothing this exciting ever happened in my school? If they didn't already know about prostitutes, students at the Western Intermediate School in Bellefontaine, Ohio now do, courtesy of fourth grade teacher Amber Carter. And yes, "Amber" is her real name...
Not Your Average Armed Robbery
Posted on February 13, 2009This guy must have had some seriously sore feet. As reported by the South Florida Sun Sentinel: The allure of foot relief may have been too much for a thief who held off a Wal-Mart guard with a pen knife as he fled with a stolen tube of foot cream, the Broward Sheriff's Office said Wednesday...
Just Two Drinks? Really? And You Said What To The Police - On Video?
Posted on February 12, 2009Connecticut Judge E. Curtissa Cofield said she had one beer and one mixed drink three hours before her blood alcohol level came in at .17, more than twice the legal limit. What do you think she would say if someone made the same claim in her courtroom? As reported in The Courant, here's how Judge Cofield was caught: On Oct...
Giving Burglars A Bad Name ...
Posted on February 11, 2009Here's what Andrew Allen admitted stealing from a home in Blackpool, England, per the Blackpool Gazette: "He stole a dustpan and brush, a cat basket, a trowel and lawn feeder, a basket with tools and a gardening glove." Street value - Ł51 ($75 US)! Dude, why? In a nutshell: Methadone, sleeping pills, and alcohol...
Banned, Convicted Sexual Assaulter Hypnotherapist Awarded Damages For Distress And Anxiety
Posted on February 10, 2009I will forever think of this case when I hear anything about the European Court of Human Rights. As reported by The Argus: [Hypnotherapist Imad Al-Khawaja] was convicted in 2004 of indecently assaulting two women, then aged 20 and 47, while they were hypnotised...
What's Up, Doc?
Posted on February 09, 2009Maybe I've seen too many "Nip/Tuck" commercials recently, but wouldn't you think that the plastic surgeon who specialized in breast enhancement would be the one who left his spouse and was asking for a divorce? Such was not the case with former New Hampshire doctor James Kartell...
You Think Einstein Used Ecstacy?
Posted on February 08, 2009Okay, so it's not like a lot of smart people ingest a pill of unknown origin from a drug dealer but... Emma Louise Fischer and Tara Jay Loane, both age 21, definitely put some distance between themselves and the rest of the ecstacy pack. It all started when the police busted a drug dealer, and started checking the numbers on his cell phone...
Holster That Taser, Bro
Posted on February 07, 2009A 14-year-old Canadian girl was arrested for being drunk and disorderly (she later pleaded guilty) and was placed in a cell. Maybe it's just me, but how much of a threat can a girl that age - in a jail cell - be? As reported by canada.com: Roberts [the family's lawyer] said the two officers used the conductive energy device after the girl had been ?sporadically peeling paint from the walls of her jail cell...
This Stinks
Posted on February 06, 2009A Michigander named C.J. McDonald is just dying to see his township's meeting minutes. And he wants to see the original minutes because he doesn't trust the ones on the web. So he filed a FOIA lawsuit, which the judge tossed because he said Augusta Township provided Mr...
A Use For A Chicken That You Probably Haven't Considered
Posted on February 05, 2009Sorry to disappoint a certain segment of you Juicers, but it's nothing sexual. It's actually criminal. As reported by The West Australian, a man broke into a butcher shop and stole a frozen chicken. He then took that chicken to a cafe, where he allegedly used it to try to smash the cafe's window...
Some Seriously Smelly Feet
Posted on February 04, 2009Can you imagine a man's feet smelling so bad that he got kicked out of a university? It's true, and Teunis Tenbrook has been fighting getting the boot (sorry) FOR 10 YEARS! Exactly how a case like this can take 10 years is a mystery to me, but whatever Mr...
Doctor "Do Whatever I Please"
Posted on February 03, 2009That's apparently the way Dr. Henry Kinch's mind works. Mrs. B and her husband, Mr. B, were his patients for many years. Oh, and Dr. Kinch prescribed anti-depressants to Mr. B without seeing him. I'm sure you know where this is going ... Yes, you guessed it, Dr...
Quite The Crime Spree
Posted on February 02, 2009When you think of a crime spree, don't you think of a string of similar crimes? Irishman Richard William O'Flynn, in Australia on a 2-year visa, defied convention with his spree. As reported by livenews.com.au: His most bizarre act was to take a goldfish into a Ticketek office in the CBD and demand money so he could pay for food to feed it...
What's A Foot Worth?
Posted on February 01, 2009Apparently, a severed foot is worth less than $100, at least in St. Lucie County, Florida. As reported tcpalm.com: The St. Lucie County Fire District firefighter accused of absconding with a portion of a man?s leg from an Interstate 95 crash scene last year was arrested Monday on a misdemeanor theft charge, a Florida Highway Patrol spokesman said...
How Many Dogs Can You Have Until Your Home Is Considered A "Kennel?"
Posted on January 31, 2009If you live in Kern County, California, the answer is ... there is no limit! That's got some folks mighty angry with Ms. Kimi Peck, who has at least 168 dogs insider her home, according to KGET News. That's a lot of dog hair. (Can you imagine washing and brushing all of those dogs?) Why so many dogs? Peck says the animals at her house are society's throwaways: dogs deemed too vicious or turned over to animal shelters in the Southland over the last 15 years and facing certain euthanasia...
Look Out For That #@*&+!
Posted on January 30, 2009Hey, look out for that ... lamppost. As reported by the BBC: CCTV has captured the moment when two handcuffed prisoners' attempt to escape custody came to a crashing end as they ran into a lamppost. The pair ran away while awaiting their court hearing in Hastings and managed to cross a street towards a car park before they were recaptured...
Just Don't Complain About The Calzone ...
Posted on January 29, 2009Didn't I tell you not to complain about the calzone? But no, you wouldn't listen. As reported by the Sun Sentinel: Flagler County authorities say a restaurant owner pistol-whipped and beat a customer who complained that his takeout order was incorrect...
Not The Smartest Way To Express Displeasure With Your Lawyer And The Jury
Posted on January 28, 2009Mr. Weusi McGowan was on trial in San Diego. It's clear that he was dissatisfied with both his lawyer and the jury. How do we know this? Per 10news.com: At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on [his attorney's] hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No...
One Of The Strangest Toilet Stories Ever
Posted on January 27, 2009That headline is not hyberbole. As reported by the AP: Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years. TWO YEARS! What would you think happens to your body under those circumstances? The sheriff said the woman's muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by "natural means...
A Foot Fondler Hits The Target
Posted on January 26, 2009Target the store, that is. I don't understand what drives a foot fetishist, though when I think about the sweet, gentle curve of the arch, the juicy meat of the big toe ... oh, sorry. Anyway, I don't know what Robert James, Sr. of Montgomery County, Pennsylvania was thinking when he went to Target, posing as a podiatrist...
Tell Me You Didn't File A Lawsuit Over That
Posted on January 25, 2009No! I told you not to tell me that! As reported by The Cincinnati Enquirer: The 88-year-old Blue Ash woman arrested after refusing to give a 13-year-old neighborhood boy his football back after it landed in her yard has sued the youth's parents, alleging emotional distress...
Seriously - You're Giving Me A Ticket For That?
Posted on January 24, 2009[Warning: kids, leave the room.] Ms. Gill Hodges committed an almost unspeakable crime: she used four parking vouchers to pay for her parking, instead of two! And she had the nerve to wonder what difference it made, since her four vouchers added up to Ł2, exactly the required fee...
Do Not Come Between This Man And His Chicken
Posted on January 23, 2009Calvin Edwards of Fort Pierce, Florida takes his chicken VERY seriously. Just ask his brother. Per The Treasure Coast Palm: The brother said he and Edwards were ?scuffling over chicken wings when Calvin pulled a small pocket knife and threatened to cut him? ...
Armed - With A Dildo - And Dangerous
Posted on January 22, 2009This one is bizarre, even to the Juice. Shaun Michael Burke has been charged with seriously beating a woman with a rubber dildo (wrapped in duct tape) while he robbed her house. The police also suspect that her dog bit Mr. Burke - for the last time...
Surely The Best Fake Student - Ever
Posted on January 21, 2009Maybe you wouldn't be so impressed if I told you that Elizabeth Okazaki pretended to be a student for 4 months at UCLA, even obtaining a BruinCard that allowed her to use the recreational facilities (where she stored some of her stuff!) and the libraries...
Seriously, Busted For Feet On The Seat?
Posted on January 20, 2009Kathleen Jennings, age 19, is getting hosed. This young lady is no reprobate. She is a Cub Scout leader who works with disabled children! And she is an A student, and is studying math at Manchester University. She's never been in any trouble before...
Twin Trouble In Italy
Posted on January 19, 2009In Italy, you can be a part-time Judge and a practicing attorney. So there were these identical twins, one of whom was a part-time Judge and a lawyer. The other sister had finished law school, but was not a practicing attorney, or so everyone thought...
Wendy's, Toilet Paper, And ... A Lawsuit?
Posted on January 18, 2009When the moment comes, I think it's safe to say that most of us would prefer not to be in a public place, especially a fast food restaurant. The moment came for Henry Chai in a Wendy's Restaurant in Montgomery County, Ohio. Now, as fast food goes, I like Wendy's...
Registered Socks Offenders
Posted on January 17, 2009For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for "conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency"), and put on the sex offenders' registry for 10 years. Really. Per The Southport Visiter: Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s...
Bank Robbery Doomed To Fail?
Posted on January 16, 2009Got the gun? Check. Ready to do this? Check. In the bank? Um. No. Per the Lexington Herald-Leader: Police in Nicholasville say a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn't in one. The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank...
Need Some Cigarettes? You'll Need A Pick-Up Truck ...
Posted on January 15, 2009All this for some cigarettes? Check this out from the Pocono Record: Two males backed a pickup truck through the front glass door of the Tobacco Road store on Route 209 in Middle Smithfield Township at 3:38 a.m. Monday, police said. And then they took a bunch of cigarettes? Not exactly...
I Hate Taunting
Posted on January 14, 2009Let's say you rob somebody, and then you're foolish enough to call him the following day to taunt him. Would you do it from a phone that could be traced to you? A young man in New York did. And it led to his arrest, along with his 4 alleged accomplices...
A Little Too Late For Remorse
Posted on January 13, 2009Certainly nobody (save some of the cheaters) would argue that it's wrong to cheat on your spouse. Likewise, just about everybody (save a few vengeful souls) would argue that Rajni Narayan, of Adelaides, Australia, went too far when she "... set fire to her husband's genitals...
An Embarrassment To Petty Thieves Everywhere
Posted on January 12, 2009You would think that even a petty thief would be mindful of the the old adage about "going to the well once to often." Not this guy. As reported by the Australian publication The Age: A serial beer bandit who was caught after stealing beer on three separate occasions from the same house...
It's My Yard, Beyatch, So Go ...
Posted on January 11, 2009Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren't real happy about that, or the ... used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees; plastic reindeer; smiley faces painted on the driveway; lampshades tied to bushes, and ...
Know When To Say When
Posted on January 10, 2009Certainly it's no State v. Johnson, but the Buldoni case will have to do for today. As reported at myCentralJersey.com, here's what happened in a case involving Mr. Buldoni, before Judge Emery Toth: After pleading not guilty, Buldoni, also known as Luis Martinez, tried to explain the offenses to Toth...
Indian Security Guards Not Up To The Task
Posted on January 09, 2009This man clearly belongs in the Streaking Hall of Fame. As reported by The Times of India: Students at the varsity were stunned to see a youth walk stark naked right past them, said MSU officials. "Though it was a holiday due to Moharram, there were several students on the campus as the youth festival is on...
Multitasking - A Quintessential Juice Story
Posted on January 08, 2009Here's the story from ABC News (that's the Australian Broadcasting Corporation): A Darwin man has been fined $2,000 for filming himself masturbating while speeding along the Stuart Highway. The man is already in jail until August after pleading guilty to carrying cannabis in the car boot and two plants on the back seat...
So, Do You Really Know What "Mayhem" Means?
Posted on January 07, 2009I sure didn't. I was reading through the Idaho Code (couldn't sleep - and was almost there when I got to the definition of "mayhem") Every person who unlawfully and maliciously deprives a human being of a member of his body, or disables, disfigures or renders it useless, or cuts out or disables the tongue, puts out an eye, slits the nose, ear or lip, is guilty of mayhem...
A Very Strange Condition For Granting Bail
Posted on January 06, 2009Just what is the condition imposed by Judge Tom Broadmore for granting bail to Mr. Ben Hana (who was charged with cannabis possession and obscene exposure)? That he wear underwear. For real. Per The Dominion Post, it seems that Mr. Hana is "... well known around Wellington [New Zealand] as Blanket Man...
Pig or Hog? Does It Matter?
Posted on January 05, 2009Does it really matter if "Pig-pig" is a pig or hog? Turns out it does. As reported by The Tacoma News Tribune: A pig named Pig-pig was at the center of a courtroom drama this spring in Tacoma Municipal Court. The weighty legal question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck? Seriously, the question for the learned legal scholars: Is a pig a hog? The saga began back in 2006 when a Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department inspector told Judson Morris III he was not permitted to keep a hog at his house within the City of Tacoma...
You Drove Drunk Where?
Posted on January 04, 2009As reported in the Tacoma Washington News-Tribune: In May, a 22-year-old Gig Harbor man spent a night drinking at a tavern with a friend before seeing how fast he could drive his car ? on an airport runway. According to court documents, Jesse Andrew Floberg, who worked at the Tacoma Narrows Airport, used a code to let himself in, drove onto the runway ? and floored it...
Man Loves Dog
Posted on January 03, 2009If your dog is looking over your shoulder, be warned that this story may really disturb her. Hell, it really disturbs me. As reported by Kansas station KAKE: Police make an unusual arrest Tuesday evening. A woman in the 3700 block of E. Clark heard someone break into her garage...
Doctor Gets Away With A Wrist Slap For Some Serious Stuff
Posted on January 02, 2009If you or I ever try to pull the shit that Tennessee doctor Robert E. Grindstaff admitted to doing, fuhgeddaboudit. While he was in the hospital, here's what went down, per The Kingsport Times-News: [from August 3 through September 8] unlicensed personnel at Grindstaff?s Pinecrest Family Practice in Johnson City treated 115 patients by evaluating and questioning them about their needs and calling in refills for prescriptions without consulting a physician...
Why Having Milk Delivered To Your Home Became An Attractive Option
Posted on January 01, 2009If you fancy a little weed with your milk delivery, you could have had it, for a little while. As reported by The Belfast Telegraph:An OAP milkman supplied cannabis to pensioners to ward off their aches and pains, a court heard today. Robert Holding, 72, delivered the drug - which he kept in an egg box - while doing his daily milk round...
Surely One Of The Most Idiotic Prescription Drug Warnings
Posted on December 31, 2008People often ask how I find the stories for Legal Juice. I found this one on the back page of the "A" section of yesterday's Washington Post. I was skimming a full-page ad for a new allergy drug called "Xyzal." Ignore, if you can, the idiotic name "Xyzal...
Can't Bite That
Posted on December 30, 2008Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that's probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his ... What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel: According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night...
Er. Um. Sorry.
Posted on December 29, 2008Seriously, I thought you were someone else ... As reported by The Arkansas Times: Best reason not to work under your car In August, a Springdale man, angry at his girlfriend, went to the trailer park where she lived, saw her doing some mechanical work under a jacked-up car, kicked the jack away, causing the car to fall, seriously injuring the woman underneath it...
This Former State Department Officer REALLY Dislikes Arabs
Posted on December 28, 2008As reported in The Huffington Post, Patrick Syring, a former State Department foreign service officer, really, really dislikes Arabs and the Arab American Institute. (He's been indicted for threatening the staff at the Arab American Institute.) Here are a few voice-mails and e-mails: [Voice mail to the Institute:] Hello, I'm Patrick I'm in Arlington VA, and I think James Zogby is worse than Osama bin Laden...
Bungling Burglars
Posted on December 27, 2008Check out these fellas, as reported by The Arkansas Times: Worst dillweeds Several people were arrested in April and charged in a series of burglaries in the Hillcrest section of west Little Rock after they pawned a digital camera that contained pictures of them displaying and bragging about all the loot they'd stolen, including the camera...
Doctor Used WHAT To Power His Car?
Posted on December 26, 2008I immediately thought of "Fight Club" when I read this story. As reported by Forbes.com: For a time, Beverly Hills doctor Craig Alan Bittner turned the fat he removed from patients into biodiesel that fueled his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator...
This Is How You Behave At - And After - The Christmas Party?
Posted on December 25, 2008Englishman Elliot Carnell caught one hell of a break. After drinking 15 pints of beer at a Christmas party, Carnell punched his ex-wife's Sri Lankan boyfriend in the head - 6 times! Oh, and he hit his ex-wife and her daughter when they tried to stop him...
Victim Kills Co-Burglar, And Burglar Gets Life In Prison?
Posted on December 24, 2008Straight from Judge in the case, as reported by The Palm Beach Post: "This case presents the strangest facts and set of circumstances that I've witnessed in my 28 years as a lawyer," Circuit Judge Jorge Labarga said as he sentenced Dean to life in prison...
They Killed Frosty!
Posted on December 22, 2008Actually, "Snowzilla" is the real name of the 16-foot snowman in question. Some families in Anchorage, Alaska began building him in 2005. He was a huge hit. Per The Anchorage Daily News: It was just a few years ago that 16-foot-tall Snowzilla arose in a residential yard in Airport Heights, launching an annual procession of local gawkers and an international media blitz...
How Do You Really Punish Noisy Teen Rockers?
Posted on December 21, 2008Beyond a reasonable doubt, this violates the 8th Amendment's prohibition on cruel and unusual punishment. Seems that Colorado Judge Paul Sacco was tired of seeing the same rockers in his courtroom for noise violations. It was obvious to him that the fines were not a deterrent...
A Police Officer And A Cow?
Posted on December 20, 2008Yes, you read that correctly. A police officer and a cow. As reported by CBS.com, a Bulington County, New Jersey police officer has been charged with ... ...four counts of animal cruelty after allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006...
Facebook Used For What?
Posted on December 19, 2008For service of court papers. For real. As reported by the BBC: Mark McCormack, a lawyer in Canberra, persuaded a court to allow him to use the unusual method after other attempts to reach them failed. The couple's home is being repossessed after they reportedly missed payments on a loan of over A$100,000 ($67,000; Ł44,000)...
You Walked Into A Police Station Doing What? With What?
Posted on December 18, 2008A 19-year-old New Zealand man named Eptai Taiwhanga, as reported by 3 News ... ...walked into Westport police station drinking alcohol and carrying cannabis resin. Maybe he thought it was a pub? Unsurprisingly, except to him perhaps, he was hit with breaching Westport's liquor ban and possessing a Class B drug...
An Unusual ATM Withdrawal
Posted on December 17, 2008What was so unusual about this ATM withdrawal in Beaumont, Texas? Well, it wasn't that Mr. Leandro Sanchez made the withdrawal around 3 a.m. It was simply this - he took the entire ATM! From a bank! With a forklift! I guess he didn't think it would set off an alarm...
Honey, Our Child Has Been Kidnapped, Again!
Posted on December 16, 2008Let's just say you're divorced, and your ex-wife calls to tell you one of your kids is being held for ransom. I think most folks would pay up. Just suppose, though, that your ex-wife called to say that one of your children was again taken hostage, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! For real...
The Judge And The Drunk Driver
Posted on December 16, 2008Having been charged with OUI (operating under the influence), Jorge Pinto appeared for a Hearing before Judge James McGovern of Bristol County, Massachusetts. The problem? Pinto was drunk - in court! The Judge was tipped off to this, so he ordered a breathalyzer test...
Do Not Toilet Paper This Guy's House
Posted on December 15, 2008Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com: Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up...
Blagojevich Unfiltered
Posted on December 15, 2008In case you missed it over the weekend, check out this uncensored Blago post.
Burglarizing A Haunted House?
Posted on December 14, 2008Seriously, what do you expect when you burglarize a haunted house? That the spirits are just going to let you waltz out the door with their otherworldly possessions? I don't think so. As reported by the AP, out of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: A news report says a burglar who broke into a house claims he was held captive by a "supernatural figure" for three days without food and water...
Uncensored: Blagojevich's F-bombs
Posted on December 13, 2008Regular readers know one of the Juice's least favorite phrases is "expletive deleted." So, straight from the indictment (with very brief intro's) are the f-bombs uttered by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (and his wife!). On squeezing some money from his authority to appoint President-Elect Obama's replacement in the Senate...
Do The British Hate Christmas?
Posted on December 12, 2008Sure, it's not a frontal attack on Christmas. Nevertheless, municipalities are chipping away at old St. Nick. As reported by The Telegraph: [crossing guard] Kevin Simpson has decorated his lollipop [crossing sign] each year for Christmas to spread some festive cheer among the children arriving at Berrywood Primary School in Hedge End, Southampton...
Suspended For THIS Facebook Post?
Posted on December 11, 2008Regular readers know that the Juice is a hardcore free speech advocate. That said, I think most folks would agree with me that Pembroke Pines Principal Peter [damn you for not having a last name beginning with "P" !] Bayer grossly overreacted. As reported by CBS4: On Friday, November 9th, 2007, then high school senior Katherine Evans posted a picture of her Advanced Placement English teacher, Sarah Phelps, on her page and called her "the worst teacher I've ever met...
Hey Honey, Did You Pack Any Liquids, Perishables, Or Sex Toys?
Posted on December 10, 2008In this post-9/11 world, we ask a lot of airport security personnel ? they are, after all, our first line of defense against airborne terrorist attacks. We expect them to be vigilant watchdogs, keeping their eyes and ears open for signs of anything unusual in our nation?s airports...
How Much Jail Time For 2 Rooms Full Of Weed?
Posted on December 09, 2008Dude had 60 pot plants growing in 2 rooms. As luck would have it [bad luck, that is], there was a fire in his apartment building, leading to the discovery of the weed. So how much time do you think he's facing? Zippy. Nada. Squadoosh. Sure he doesn't have a record, but if it happened to you or me, fuhgeddaboutit...
All That To Avoid An $88 Ticket?
Posted on December 08, 2008You're not going to believe what this formerly respectable couple did to try and avoid a Ł60 ($88 US) ticket and three points. And it's not like it would have put the wife over the top - her driving record was spotless. So Mrs. Diane Rodger, a lecturer [professor] was doing 40 mph in a 30mph zone when she was nailed by a speeding camera...
Ouch! Bad Burglar!
Posted on December 07, 2008"Why me?" the 64-year New York homeowner had to be thinking after burglar Luis Hidalgo broke into his home and bit his ear off! So badly that it couldn't be reattached! And Hidalgo punched and kicked the homeowner, and whacked him in the head with a karaoke machine...
Belly Dancer Offers Unusual Defense To A Parking Ticket
Posted on December 06, 2008As you'll see, this defense is not available to everyone... As reported by The Times: The driver was a belly dancer who had stopped in her car in a restricted parking zone in London. She had left her vehicle stationary with the engine running, and walked off with some props into the building where she was to perform...
S-bomb Brings Contempt, But Not F-bomb?
Posted on December 05, 2008Sounds crazy, right? But that's apparently the way it went down. As reported by WLWT.com: Jamel Sechrest, one of 50 people accused of being members of the "Taliband" wasn't happy that his trial is set for February and told Judge Robert Ruehlman "That's f---ing bulls--t...
VOTE FOR LEGAL JUICE OR ELSE....
Posted on December 05, 2008Or else another blawg will win :( ... Anyway ... for the second straight year, the ABA (American Bar Association) Journal selected Legal Juice as one of the 100 best legal blogs (from a pool of 2,000+). Yada, yada, yada. PLEASE CLICK ON THIS LINK AND VOTE FOR LEGAL JUICE! It will take about 10 seconds.
Busted For The Sign On His Truck?
Posted on December 04, 2008So here's what Joseph Decker, of Hughestown, Pennsylvania, had on the back window of his truck: IF YOU'RE IN AMERICA & CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH GET THE FUCK OUT! I think that's idiotic, and I don't think Joe (Decker, not "the Plumber") would have a problem with my opinion...
THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION OF 2008
Posted on December 04, 2008For the second straight year, the ABA (American Bar Association) Journal selected Legal Juice as one of the 100 best legal blogs (from a pool of 2,000+). Blah, blah, blah. PLEASE CLICK ON THIS LINK AND VOTE FOR LEGAL JUICE!
Not The Best Way To Dispose Of The Evidence
Posted on December 03, 2008Come crunch time, I guess we all occasionally make the wrong decision. This would appear to be just such an occasion. As reported by The Naples Daily News: When caught red handed with a pair of stolen $16 earrings, Naples police say a Golden Gate teen turned to drastic measures to get rid of the evidence ? he drank them...
VOTE FOR LEGAL JUICE!
Posted on December 03, 2008For the second straight year, the ABA (American Bar Association) Journal selected Legal Juice as one of the 100 best legal blogs (from a pool of 2,000+). It is one of ten in the "Quirky" category. From the ABA's announcement of the top 100: "Half the blogs on last year?s inaugural Blawg 100 list didn?t make the cut this year...
Crazy Hoon
Posted on December 02, 2008What's up with these crazy hoons? As reported by The Age: A P-plate driver [driver with a probationary license] was caught doing burn-outs in a police station car park. The 23-year-old hoon left a 20-metre skid-mark in the Craigieburn police station car park before driving off...
Kid Busted For Farting In School?
Posted on December 01, 2008Yes, the kid was busted for farting in school, and otherwise "disrupting" his class. From TheLedger.com, here's the story: A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities say he was "passing gas" and turned off his classmates' computers...
Would It Be Okay To Perform Surgery On Crack?
Posted on November 30, 2008Surgery is scary enough. I'd like to know that my doctor is certain that operating while on crack would be a bad thing. It's not that California ear, nose and throat specialist Li Quang Nguyen actually operated while on crack, but check this out, as reported by the OC Register: In July 2007, Dr...
Seriously Hard-Headed Dude
Posted on November 29, 2008If he wanted to kill himself before, just imagine how he must feel now. Joe Clapper of Lincoln, Nebraska shot himself in the head, with his girlfriend in the room. He must have wanted to send her some kind of message, doing it with her right there in the room...
Sex In All Kinds Of Places
Posted on November 28, 2008These folks were caught (and some were busted for) having sex in all kinds of places. As reported by The Mirror, the places are ... On a cop car For some people having sex in public just isn?t daring enough and they must take it that extra mile by, for instance, having sex on a police car...
Not The Best Place To Burn Rubber
Posted on November 27, 2008Think of the last place you would burn rubber. As reported in The Age: ... [a] P-plate driver [driver with a probationary license], 20, who picked up his Holden sedan from the police impound yard at Preston, paid a release fee, got in the car, revved the engine, acknowledged his friends, and did a burn-out as he drove out...
"Butt Bandit" Busted
Posted on November 26, 2008Everyone in Valentine, Nebraska can now breathe a huge sigh of relief because the Butt Bandit has been arrested. It's not clear why they call him the Butt Bandit since neither his butt, nor any other part of him, ever stole anything. To the contrary, he actually leaves something behind [bad pun, I know], his butt (and/or groin) prints in vaseline or lotion...
God And Indiana
Posted on November 25, 2008Things are crazy in the Hoosier state, where Ms. Liz Ferris got the vanity plate "BE GODS" nine years ago. Because she let the renewal lapse, she had to reapply. Her application was rejected! Why? Per The Indy Channel: "We do not permit personalized license plates with references to deity," said BMV [Bureau of Motor Vehicles] spokesman Dennis Rosebrough...
A Strange Source Of Funds For Heroin Start-Up
Posted on November 24, 2008I would say "only in America," but this happened in Scotland, pursuant to European human rights laws.... Seems that in some Scottish prisons, for a number of years, the prisoners had to "slop out" (clean out) their own toilets. And? Per the Daily Record: The slopping-out bonanza began in 2004 when knife-wielding mugger Robert Napier used European human rights law to win a court case against the prison service...
What's In A Name?
Posted on November 23, 2008About 12 years ago, Ocean City, Maryland resident Richard Brueckner disappeared - right when Richard Thelander was "born." Now these are just the allegations against Brueckner/Thelander (as reported in The Maryland Coast Dispatch), but it sure doesn't look real good: The charges against Brueckner ...
What'd You Call Me?
Posted on November 22, 2008Um, a douchebag. Yeah, I'm sure I wouldn't be too thrilled if I were featured in a book called "Hot Chicks With Douchebags." As reported by RadarOnline, Mr. Michael Manelli was pissed enough to file a lawsuit against the publisher and Mr. Jay Louis, the author of the book and the creator of the website www...
Not A Good Time To Burgle
Posted on November 21, 2008Not that there is ever a "good" time to commit burglary ... But if you're a burglar by trade, you definitely do not want to break into a house when ... it's filled with police officers! As reported by The Age: TWO men who broke into a Melton [Australia] house at midnight ? while police were already inside carrying out a drug raid...
The Worst Smelling Bathroom Ever
Posted on November 20, 2008How can I be so sure? Because, in that bathroom, for several months, was the body of a deceased 90-year-old woman. Seems that Alan Bushey, the leader of a religious group called the Order of the Divine Will (6 members!) told member Tammy Lewis (yes, it was her bathroom), that Ms...
Tell Me They Haven't Outlawed Throwing Snowballs!
Posted on November 19, 2008How appropriate that I stumbled across this law the same day I saw our first snowflakes here in Washington, DC. Now, imagine - if you can - a law that both Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann would agree goes too far. That law outlaws throwing snowballs! And the offending municipality is ...
Start Your Day With Some Juice
Posted on November 19, 2008Subscribe by email (scroll down the right-hand side of this page and fill in the box), and you'll receive the first 1-2 lines of each day's post. Just click on the link if you want to read the rest of the post.
Before You Confront That Driver Who Cut You Off ...
Posted on November 18, 2008Before you chase that feller down, you may want to consider the case of a man who got into it with Nebraska resident Tango Crenshaw. After Mr. Crenshaw's motor home and a vehicle nearly collided, per the Lincoln Journal Star: The driver of the car yelled at Crenshaw, and Crenshaw argued with him...
Might As Well Leave A Note With Your Name And Address
Posted on November 17, 2008So, Bernard Wood was free on bond for breaking into 2 homes in the same neighborhood on successive days in June. What does he do with his time while out on bond? He returns to that same neighborhood, and breaks into another home! Only this time he left a card with his name on it, saying "I did it...
Seriously - A Lawsuit Involving A Dog Named Shithead
Posted on November 16, 2008I could not make this shit up! [Sorry.] A priest in Morganfield, Kentucky is suing Shithead's owner and the city for allowing the dog to be buried near a veteran's memorial. It's not the name that upsets Father Gerald Baker: "What are we saluting? A flagpole with a monument to the dog? It's offensive...
11-Year-Old Whacks Mom On The Head With A Saw
Posted on November 15, 2008Really. With a saw. And then he offered her $5 not to call the police! As reported by The Treasure Coast Palm: The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after James Patrick Fitzgerald and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication...
Be Kind To Your Cobbler
Posted on November 14, 2008This is no way to treat your cobbler. As reported by The South Asian Post: A Punjab police constable is suspended after he allegedly fired at a cobbler following an argument. The officer claims the weapon went off accidentally as he tried to control heavy traffic, but cobbler Nand Lal, who was shot in the leg and hospitalized says the officer disagreed with his political point of view and opened fire...
I Happen To Like Macaroni
Posted on November 13, 2008Such is not the case with Donald J. Jacobs, Jr. of North Platte, Nebraska. Per the North Platte Telegraph: According to the police report, Jacobs was intoxicated and assaulted his girlfriend with the pot when he discovered she made macaroni for his dinner...
You Will NEVER Guess Where This Dude Built A House
Posted on November 12, 2008Mr. John Renshaw built a 2-story, 2-bedroom house inside a ... barn! Totally inside a barn! Why? Because he knew he couldn't get a permit to build it, and, per The Telegraph, [Council officers] think he attempted to use a loophole in the law that states that properties built without planning permission are allowed to stand if they have been lived in and undetected for at least four years...
Does This Poor Kid Have Any Sober Relatives?
Posted on November 11, 2008A 1-year-old boy was waiting for a relative to pick him up at the police station in Schererville, Indiana because his mom was busted for drunk driving. So his dad drove to the station to get him, only he was drunk too, and was also busted for drunk driving...
Um, Can Another Doctor Read My Films?
Posted on November 10, 2008You'd probably be better off having your palm read than having your x-rays or CT scans read by Oregon and Washington radiologist David Shoemaker. Both states have suspended Dr. Shoemaker's license. Here are a few of the "Findings of Fact" by the Oregon Board of Medical Examiners: "On May 18, 2001, Patient I underwent CT scans (with contrast) of the abdomen and pelvis...
Seriously, This Is A Crime?
Posted on November 09, 2008Even if this is technically a crime (like you never speed!), what kind of person would report this? Very uncool. The guy wasn't hurting anybody. As reported by The Republican-American: A man from Stonington faces public indecency charges after state police said he was driving nude on Interstate 84 on Wednesday morning...
Probation For This Kind Of Abuse?
Posted on November 08, 2008This is just outrageous. As reported by the Northwest Arkansas Times: Fayetteville police responded to the Washington Regional Medical Center on May 24 to investigate suspected child abuse. According to the police report, the victim [a 4-year-old girl] had a 4-inch skull fracture with a pool of blood between her skin and skull [the evidence was unclear regarding how the child?s skull was injured...
Darjeeling Express - Kidnapper Flees India
Posted on November 07, 2008Actually, it would be "bugnapper." As reported in The South Asian Post: SILIGURI, India - A Czech national who was sentenced to three years imprisonment by a court for collecting rare insects from a national park in Darjeeling has fled India after jumping bail...
GWI - Gliding While Intoxicated
Posted on November 06, 2008It was a bad idea, and it didn't end well. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review: Witnesses told township police that [Jay Matthew] Tokar [age 46] was flying his glider dangerously close to children playing soccer in the area. They also told police Tokar was yelling at people on the golf course and trying to spit on them...
Twice In One Day?
Posted on November 05, 2008It was not a good day for Manheim Township, Pennsylvania resident Michael Hufford. At about 11:00 a.m., he was in an accident, and was busted for suspected DUI. The police released him to his girlfriend. Just 5 hours and 8 minutes later, Mr. Hufford was in another accident, and was again busted for suspected DUI...
What Do You Do If Your Child Tells You She Has Been Bullied?
Posted on November 04, 2008Any parent would be rightfully angry upon learning that their child was bullied. Perhaps, though, stabbing the bully is not the proper response. Say what? Per the Toronto City News: Here's what [the police] say happened: two female students at an Oshawa school - which isn't being named - were engaged in a war of words...
Really, You Won't Allow This License Plate?
Posted on November 03, 2008Juice devotees know that Sweden really is Big Brother when it comes to names. Apparently that applies to license plates too. Check this out from The Local: Officials with Sweden?s Road Administration (Vägverket) have denied a driver?s request for a licence place with what at first glance appears to be a completely innocent combination of characters...
Does Judge Buy Lame Speeding Excuse?
Posted on November 02, 2008Just when you thought you'd heard them all... Check out this excuse for speeding, as reported in The Local: A woman from southern Sweden has lost her bid to have a speeding fine overturned on the grounds that she was suffering from diarrhea at the time of the offence...
Is Having Sex While Driving Legal?
Posted on November 01, 2008At least in Germany it is. As reported by Reuters (a few years ago): A Cologne court fined a man who admitted he was having sex with a hitchhiker sitting astride him when he drove his car into a road sign. But only because he fled the scene of the accident with his naked accomplice...
I Love Bacon, But I'm With PETA On This One
Posted on October 31, 2008Working on a pig farm must really suck. But why take it out on the pigs? So PETA did some undercover video work at a pig farm in Iowa, resulting in 6 workers being charged with 22 counts of animal cruelty. What did the video show? ... Another worker admitted to sodomizing the animals with metal rods, shoving clothes pins in the eyes and genitals...
Oh No You Didn't Show Up At The Courthouse In That
Posted on October 30, 2008I'll give you a hint. Tony Van, of San Francisco, California, went to court to find out what the jury decided in his auto theft case. Here's another hint, he didn't take the streetcar to court. (Please, no e-mails if it doesn't go to the courthouse...
Food Been A Little Crunchy Lately?
Posted on October 29, 2008Hey, I like crunchy foods, probably more than most folks. But I absolutely draw the line at glass. Yes, glass. Ms. Lynette Margaret Quessy thought she would get her husband to deal with his drinking problem by lacing his food with glass! As reported by news...
Prison For Search Engine Results?
Posted on October 28, 2008You may recall that, for several years, a google search of "miserable failure" brought up, as the first result, Bush's White House biography! (Google has since fixed this "problem.") Now, imagine that the pranksters were in Poland, and the target was the Polish President...
You Are On Notice. Do NOT Mess With This Woman
Posted on October 27, 2008Of course, if you don't mind having your head handed to you ... As reported in The South Asian Post: A woman chopped the head off a man who allegedly tried to attack her and then paraded the head through a market in northern India, police said. Police arrested the woman late on Thursday after receiving calls from frightened witnesses, said police officer Ram Bharose...
Good Drinking Buddy And A Good Doctor?
Posted on October 26, 2008Perhaps this is the case with trauma doctor Martin Derusha, Jr. of Fort Worth, Texas. As to the doctoring, as reported in The Fort Worth Star-Telegram, per Mr. Derusha, "At this point in my career, I have no malpractice (claims), no problems at all in medicine...
Going To Jail Over How Much?
Posted on October 25, 2008Would you rather pay your $7.45 Waffle House tab, or spend the weekend in jail? A 66-year-old Florida woman chose the latter, perhaps because she didn't have $7.45. Perhaps because she's ornery. Or maybe she's mentally ill? Maybe she was lit (she placed her order around 3:45 a...
What's Wrong With Friday?
Posted on October 24, 2008Is it just me, or does "Friday" evoke positive thoughts for you too? For most folks, it's the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend. Well sir, an Italian court took a different view of "Friday." As reported by the BBC News: Italy's top court has banned a couple from naming their son Venerdi (Friday), saying such a "ridiculous" name could expose the boy to mockery...
Possibly The Worst Driver In History
Posted on October 23, 2008If there is a worse driver out there, I'd be shocked. As reported in The Hamilton Spectator, here are some highlights of Toronto resident Gloria O'Neill's driving history: Her driver?s licence was suspended as far back as 1978, when she was just 21...
Shit Kills?
Posted on October 22, 2008The word "shit" is just that - a word. Certainly some folks prefer not to say it, hear it or see it, but, well, tough ... Seriously, this is still America, right? Tell that to Brian Barnett, a Green Party candidate in Arkansas. I don't know anything about his politics, and I will stipulate that his sign was an incredibly stupid way to try to attract voters...
Seriously, You Want The Dog That Badly?
Posted on October 21, 2008It's often not pretty when relationships end. But what would these doctors do about the dog they both wanted? From the Bangkok Post: A woman doctor shot at her boyfriend, who was also a doctor at the same hospital in Ubon Ratchathani province, after he refused to let her take care of their dog after the couple broke up...
This Really, Really Sucks!
Posted on October 20, 2008Seriously, it sucks so much, a Michigan man couldn't resist. A car wash, a vacuum, an arrest... From The Saginaw News: Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash. The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was arrested Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit...
Shoot Me, Please!
Posted on October 19, 2008Seriously, he said to shoot her, and she did. The charges? None. Here's the story from The Denver Post: Authorities said a woman who shot her husband in the knee won't face charges because he begged her to do it. The Arapahoe County Sheriff's office said a 35-year-old woman accused her husband of being drunk and becoming violent during an argument...
If The Underwear Doesn't Fit, You Must Acquit
Posted on October 18, 2008So maybe that's not exactly the defense employed, but it's damn close. As reported in The South Asian Post: An Indian man escaped a possible death sentence for drug trafficking after his lawyer told a court it was impossible to walk with a stash of heroin in his underpants...
Definitely Not A Cat Lover
Posted on October 17, 2008Why would one think that this young South Carolinian dislikes cats? Per The Post and Courier: He admitted to killing eight cats ? slitting the throats of six kittens and bashing in the skulls of two adult felines. Brutal. Anything else? In addition to eight counts of ill-treatment of animals, Campbell faced a harassment charge stemming from threatening telephone calls and profanity-laced e-mails directed at his ex-girlfriend, then 15...
Ouch! Do NOT Make This Lady Angry!
Posted on October 16, 2008In her wake, a woman from Lillington, North Carolina, left 2 injured men, one of them a police officer. Warning: Men, reading this will likely cause you to cringe. From The Daily Record: Rebecca Arnold Dawson of Lillington was in court again on charges of assaulting Lillington Police Officer Ronnie Bass...
Run, Do Not Walk, From This Doctor's Office
Posted on October 15, 2008An obstetrician named Roman Hasil has amassed quite a record, both on and off the job. As reported by The Courier: Dr Hasil committed one of the drink-driving offences, on February 6 at McGraths Hill, just weeks before he was suspended by the NSW Medical Board after a damning report into several botched operations he had performed in New Zealand...
Not The Best Solution For The Munchies
Posted on October 14, 2008Okay, maybe going to McDonald's when you have the munchies isn't such a bad idea. But let's say, for whatever reason, you try to pay for your food with ... pot! I guess it didn't occur to the hungry gent to sell the weed, and then buy some food? As reported in the Treasure Coast Palm: A McDonald's cashier called 911 at 12:22 a...
Teacher Did What?
Posted on October 13, 2008What did Canadian elementary school teacher Maria Pantalone do that resulted in her pleading guilty to assaulting a 12-year-old boy? Hint #1: She threw something at him. Hint #2: It was brown. Need another hint? Hint #3: It smells really, really bad...
Not Your Average Heist
Posted on October 12, 2008A strange crime as reported in The Hartford Advocate: It's always surprising to see what lengths people will go to get away with petty crimes, even if it's for something as silly as ganking baby food. According to the Courant, 22-year-old Bristol resident Paul Bergeron allegedly tried lifting some of the instant baby formula Enfamil from a Shaw's supermarket on Sept...
Driving And Doing What?
Posted on October 10, 2008No, not texting, reading or polishing fingernails. (We actually had a case involving a woman who was eating crabs while driving - I swear.) But this dude, he was injecting himself with heroin while he was driving! Per the Hartford Advocate: According to police reports, on Oct...
Not The Way To Deal With The Troop Shortage
Posted on October 09, 2008If you're out on bail for some serious crimes, how do you leave the country, without permission, and not get in trouble? Here's how: you're in the Army, and your unit gets called to Iraq (and nobody tells the Judge!) Per the Alabama Press-Register: In May 2006 a grand jury indicted Sean Sebastian Lane, 33, for enticing a child younger than 16 via a computer, attempting to entice a child younger than 16, two counts of transmitting obscene material to a child younger than 16, and attempting to invite a child younger than 16 to enter a vehi cle, house, office or other place for the purpose of a sexual act...
If You Love Me, Steal That Car
Posted on October 08, 2008Ullricht Walter, a German citizen living in South Africa, had good reason to doubt that his wife loved him. Per The Times: ... Ullricht had discovered e-mail correspondence ["steamy love letters"] between [his wife] Linda and her high-school sweetheart, who even flew out from Germany for a clandestine meeting...
A Final Attempt To Get Justice?
Posted on October 07, 2008It is not yet known what motivated a 45-year-old woman to drive her car into the courthouse doors. Whatever it was, though, it's likely the same thing that motivated her to then back up her car, and ram into the doors again... and again ... and again! Per the Journal Pioneer: When police arrived on the scene the woman had backed up a fourth time and rammed her car through the doors again, this time ending up inside the building...
A Really Big Bag, Or Really Small Bras ...
Posted on October 06, 2008Now, either this lady had a really big bag, or the Victoria's Secret "PINK" bras are really, really small. Why? Because she stuffed 160 of them into her bag! Here's the story from The Miami Herald: There's a bra bandit on the loose in Southwest Florida...
Men Across New York Hail Judge's Ruling
Posted on October 05, 2008What could a Judge do to please so many men? As reported by the AP: It won't be last call for ladies' night. A New York federal judge has a tossed out a suit claiming that drink discounts for women discriminate against men. The case was filed by attorney Roy Den Hollander, who also recently sued a university over its women's studies program...
Busted For Hugging?
Posted on October 04, 2008Did I mention that the Iowa City, Iowa man hugged a cop? Oops. Here's the story, as reported by the AP. Hugs aren't getting any kisses from the law in Iowa City. Luke Schreder is now charged with assault on a peace officer, for hugging a policeman...
Another Day, Another Tasering
Posted on October 03, 2008Unlike the incident in yesterday's post, I don't have any problem with this shocker in Ypsilanti, Michigan. As reported at mlive.com, Ypsilanti Police Sgt. Deric Gress said police were called to the scene at 4:10 a.m. on a report of a man chasing a woman outside an apartment complex...
Man Tasered By Police, And Later Dies, Was Carrying What?
Posted on October 02, 2008An incredibly threatening ... squeegee. Really. Maybe the drugs killed him - maybe not. Here's the story, from the Orlando Sentinel: A sheriff's office spokesman said the man who deputies Tasered in south Orange County died this morning. Capt. Angelo Nieves of the Orange County Sheriff's Office confirmed the man was "under the influence" when deputies used a Taser to control him...
Your Money And Your Feet!
Posted on October 01, 2008I might have to add a separate category for foot fetishes. (Click here and here for more foot fetish entries.) As reported by CBS3 in Philadelphia: An alleged foot fetish bandit is due in court for a preliminary hearing following a series of bizarre attacks in Philadelphia...
Dude Really Needs To Chill
Posted on September 29, 2008Gino Lee Breeze, a 20-year-old man from Wales, has a wee bit of a thin skin. Thing is, the gents he thought were joking about him, weren't. No matter, though. The wheels were set into motion as Mr. Breeze went to the home of one of the men he thought had a laugh at his expense...
You Were Battered By What?
Posted on September 28, 2008A fart. Yes, the police charged Clarksburg, West Virginia resident Jose Antonio Cruz with battery for farting on a policeman! As reported in the Charleston Daily Mail: South Charleston police said they were fingerprinting Cruz at police headquarters Tuesday when Cruz moved near Patrolman T...
One Wicked Lady
Posted on September 28, 2008You can find the original report on this sadistic woman, Ms. Eunice Spry, here. She was just re-sentenced for the incredible abuse she inflicted upon 3 foster children over a 19-year period. Incredibly, the appeals court reduced her sentence for the abuse from 12 to 10 years...
One Really Creepy Firefighter
Posted on September 27, 2008It started with a really bad car accident. Melbourne, Florida resident Carl Lambert had to have his leg amputated at the accident scene. Things went from extremely bad to extremely strange. Per CBS12 news: Lambert's Attorney says he was flown to the hospital, but his leg didn't follow...
A Good Day For Johns
Posted on September 26, 2008Maybe this won't help Johns everywhere, but 9 Johns in Pennsylvania had a real good day. The "Johns" I am referring to are the customers of prostitutes. What's the cause for celebration? As reported by lehighvalleylive.com, Riegelsville's Craig Cardone and 8 others, accused of soliciting prostitutes, are getting their cars back...
Dude Busted For Stickers On His Car?
Posted on September 25, 2008Yup. A 20-year-old construction worker named Cory Bishop got a ticket for having "indecent" stickers on his car. Where are things going apparently going so well that they have time to write tickets for such a harmless "offense?" Harrisonville, Kansas...
Full Nudity, Anyone?
Posted on September 24, 2008Ojai, California's loss is Ashland, Oregon's gain? Ms. Jennifer Moss, as reported by The Oregonian ... ...often pedaled a bicycle around Ojai in a hemp G-string and flower-shaped pasties to promote Earth-friendliness. Live and let live, right? Her most recent misdemeanor arrest was for removing everything but her G-string and pasties in front of parishioners leaving an Easter Sunday Mass outside a Catholic church in Ojai...
You're Telling Me It's Illegal For Men To Go Topless?
Posted on September 24, 2008Not only is it illegal for men to go topless in Easton, Maryland, it's illegal for "any person." What about babies? What about boys? Here's the law: Sec. 18-9. Required dress, upper torso, penalty. (a) It shall be unlawful for any person, whether male or female, to appear upon the streets, sidewalks and highways, or in any public building of the Town of Easton unless he or she is wearing a shirt, blouse or similar article of wearing apparel designed to cover the upper torso of said person...
Twelve-Year-Old Kid Did What?
Posted on September 22, 2008It's 2:30 a.m. in Hartman, Arkansas. Do you know where your 12-year-old is? No worries. He's just drinking your beer, with his 10-year-old friend, then taking the truck out for a spin. Why? Per the AP, to find a girl they met at the rodeo! Here's what happened: The boys made it about 10 miles before the 12-year-old lost control of the truck...
Not A Kid You Would Want As A Neighbor ...
Posted on September 21, 2008So if you're a neighbor of 15-year-old Ryan Bowen, you could always move. (One poor family did.) But what do you have to do to get the court to issue an ASBO (Anti-Social Behavior Order) against you? And to take the unusual step of naming you? (The ASBO imposes a curfew, prevents Ryan from associating with certain people, and imposes other restrictions on his behavior...
What's Wrong With The Barter System?
Posted on September 20, 2008Usually nothing. But there are exceptions. Per the Chicago Tribune: A DeKalb lawyer was suspended for 15 months Thursday for arranging to have a female client perform nude dances for him in exchange for credit on her legal fees, a state commission said...
If You Are A Acquitted Of Robbing A Bank ...
Posted on September 19, 2008About a month ago, Oscar Reynolds Jr. was acquitted of robbing the Liberty Bank in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Guess what Mr. Reynolds was doing this past Tuesday? He was robbing that same bank! Unlike the first time, where he was acquitted because he could not be positively ID'd, smart money says Mr...
Do The Dishes, Or Else
Posted on September 18, 2008So this woman, Briana "don't make me pounce on you" Pouncy, told her live-in boyfriend Joseph Boykins to do the dishes. He didn't. When she came home to a sink full of dirty dishes, it was on. They argued, and she told Mr. Boykins to leave. When he refused, it got ugly...
Sure, Spitting Is Gross, But ...
Posted on September 17, 2008Should spitting really be criminalized? "Yes," said he powers that be in Cincinnati. Here's a law that was passed in 2006 as part of the "Neighborhood Quality of Life Unified Code" Sec. 1601-27. Spitting in a Public Place. No person shall spit upon any sidewalk, street, highway, alley, the floor of any bus used for public transportation, theater, railway or public transportation depot or platform or the floor of any school house, church or public building of any kind...
Can You Run Yourself Over?
Posted on September 16, 2008It takes some doing but, yes, you can. A 63-year-old Floridian named Mary Davis found this out the hard way. She was pissed off when the police, who came to her house in response to a domestic dispute, arrested her son. As reported by the Florida Times-Union: ...
As Ye Sew ...
Posted on September 15, 2008You might know the rest of the saying ("so shall ye reap"), and so might Pennsylvania dentist Thomas McFarland, Jr., but he paid it no heed. The "sewing" in this case was the dumping of about 300 used needles [and other medical waste] into the ocean, which washed up on the beach in Avalon, New Jersey - where McFarland owns a vacation home! How did the authorities figure out it was McFarland? As reported in The Press of Atlantic City: ...
One Hot Kitchen
Posted on September 14, 2008Is f-bombing on TV okay in Australia? Hell yes. Chef Gordon Ramsay, of "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" in Australia (and "Hell's Kitchen" in the U.S.) drops some serious f-bombs. Per The Daily Telegraph, ... celebrity chef Ramsay slipp[ed] in the f-word more than 80 times in one episode...
Flying Through The Air With A Dog On His Arm?
Posted on September 13, 2008If it sounds really crazy, it's usually true. As reported by the Los Angeles Times: A 28-year-old man pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor count of animal cruelty in a bizarre New Year's Eve incident in which he leaped off the San Diego-Coronado Bridge with an Oceanside police dog biting his arm...
How Do You Miss A Cyst That Big?
Posted on September 12, 2008Despite having examined the patient several times in 2002 and 2003, the doctor failed to notice that his patient had a 32 pound cyst! What did he tell her? Per the Otago [New Zealand] Daily Times online, that ... ...she was overweight and prescribed weight-loss pills...
What Not To Say If You Get Pulled Over For A DWI
Posted on September 11, 2008Before I tell you what Christopher Lucero told New Mexico State Police Officer Kurtis Ward, just remember one thing: Lucero was drunk! As reported in The Albuquerque Journal, Lucero said he was weaving because: His passenger spilled his beer ... Doh! There's more...
Where Are My Breasts?
Posted on September 10, 2008Although you usually get what you pay for, that does not apply in this case. As reported by radio station CJAD: A 34-year-old St Constant woman has taken her doctor before the College of Physicians disciplinary committee for her more than $5 000 breast augmentation which only lasted four days...
Robber Left What Behind At The Crime Scene?
Posted on September 09, 2008Our purse snatcher in Port St. Lucie, Florida, was a male cross-dresser, and apparently not a very good one. Why? He left his fake breast at the scene of the crime! And it was made with a condom filled with water, stuffed in a sock! The cops are dusting the condom for prints, and are doing DNA testing on 2 hairs they found on the sock...
Police To Limit Beer Consumption At Auto Race?
Posted on September 08, 2008Outrageous, right? But true. As reported by UPI: Police in Australia have set what they describe as "very generous limits" for an upcoming auto race [The Bathurst 1000] The limit? ... no more than a case of beer a day for adults. Holy shiznit. You know Aussie's like their beer if a case a day is a "limit...
The Dangers Of Burping
Posted on September 07, 2008How can a burp lead to an arrest? Here's how, as reported by The Australian: A 19-year-old man who allegedly burped in the face of administrative staff at a north Queensland police station has been charged with being a public nuisance. Innisfail District Police Inspector David Tucker said the man from Tully was at the local police station on Monday when he allegedly burped twice in a female worker's face...
Sick Man's "Best Friend"
Posted on September 06, 2008What kind of person would sexually assault a dog, and make a boy watch? It's difficult to fathom. As reported by the Grand Junction Sentinel: Allegations that a former Grand Junction man had sex with a dog while forcing a 7-year-old boy to watch has astounded even the county?s top prosecutor...
What Happened To Personal Responsibility?
Posted on September 05, 2008Darren Mirren, age 16, had an interview scheduled with a commercial cleaning company. He didn't show. When they called him, he said he didn't know how to find the office. So they rescheduled the interview. Again he didn't show. Prepare yourself for this: He didn't get the job! OMG...
Part Two: Library Book Returned, Or Jail?
Posted on September 04, 2008Remember that post about the woman who refused to return the "obscene" library book she checked out? (Hint: It was yesterday's post.) So do you think she returned the book, or was sent to jail? Wrong. Neither. The city (Lewiston, Maine) decided not to pursue the matter any further...
Choice: Return Library Book Or Go To Jail
Posted on September 03, 2008Maine resident JoAn Karkos said she'll take jail. And it's not because she likes the book, "It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health." It's because "she claims [it] violates the city's obscenity ordinance," per The Sun Journal...
Digging Up Corpse Why?
Posted on September 02, 2008For a skull bong, at least in part. True, gruesome, and bizarre. Here's the story, as reported from Texas by The Tribune: A Kingwood teenager that took part in a grave desecration earlier this year, was sentenced Aug. 25 to 240 days in county jail for abuse of a corpse...
For Labor Day, A Story About A Working Man
Posted on September 01, 2008Maybe Wayne Simpson should have just called the customer who he said gave him her cell phone number. Said Wayne: I honestly thought she fancied me. I certainly fancied her. She was gorgeous. She pulled up a chair very close to me and sat there staring into my eyes and fluttering her lashes...
An F-Bomber Himself?
Posted on August 31, 2008Following up on yesterday's Legal Juice post, it appears that Captain Decker is an f-bomber himself, and an s-bomber! (The guy is probably an honorable public servant. Regular Juice readers know, though, that it irks the Juice when people make a big deal about so-called "bad" words...
Busted For Dropping The F-Bomb At Wal-Mart?
Posted on August 30, 2008Sure enough. Kathyrn Fridge, a 28-year-old Texas mom, as reported in the Galveston County Daily News, went with her 2-year-old daughter and mother to Wal-Mart on Aug. 4 to buy batteries just in case Edouard left the county without electricity the following day...
Mayors Gone Mad?
Posted on August 29, 2008Power corrupts, and absolute power ... So maybe Italian mayors don't have "absolute" power, but they recently obtained additional authority to enact new laws. Here are a few of them, as reported by Reuters: In Eraclea, near Venice, building sandcastles is now illegal In Capri, it is illegal to leave the beach area wearing a bikini...
Speeding, Kneeling Bird-Flipper
Posted on August 28, 2008Australian Christian Marchesani has unambiguous contempt for speed cameras. Well, aside from the above photo, per the Australian Broadcasting Corporation: ... in January Marchesani sat on the fuel tank of his motorbike and rode past a speed camera twice with his thumbs up, reaching speeds of up to 130 kilometres an hour in a 70 zone...
Cheerleaders Can't Wear School-Issued Cheering Uniforms In School?
Posted on August 27, 2008If you have eyes, you've no doubt noticed that skirts have gotten pretty short lately. Some schools, like Monroe High School in Ohio, are stemming the upward creep of the hemline by instituting dress codes. As reported by WLWT.com, skirts should be no shorter than 3 inches above the knee...
Mother Trucker! Homeowner's Association Just Says "No"
Posted on August 26, 2008By now probably everyone has heard of a few stupid homeowner's association rules. But check this one out. Jim Greenwood lives in a suburb of Dallas, Texas called Frisco. More specifically, he lives in - hold your nose up, and speak nasally - Stonebriar Village...
A Real "Career Criminal" - Who Gets Bail?
Posted on August 25, 2008A 26-year-old man in Northern Ireland has 104 convictions. His crimes include, per The Belfast Telegraph, ... a string of offences including burglary, theft, assault and other dishonesty type offences. And, per the police, ?every single time he was granted bail he broke the conditions...
Bad Doctor, Bad Boss
Posted on August 24, 2008All doctors know that it is unethical, at a minimum, to have a sexual relationship with a patient. And that, at a minimum, there is an appearance of impropriety when a boss has a sexual relationship with a subordinate. Well, as reported by Radio New Zealand, a family doctor in New Zealand had a sexual relationship with a patient, who also worked for him...
Ignore Overdue Library Books At Your Peril
Posted on August 23, 2008That's what Heidi Dalibor, of Grafton, Wisconsin did. The result? After ignoring letters from the library and a court notice, per The News Graphic: Still, the last thing she expected was a knock on her door by Grafton police. "They showed me a warrant they had for my arrest," said Dalibor, 20...
Condom Buyer's Remorse?
Posted on August 22, 2008Things must not be going well if you get to a place where you need to return a box of condoms for a refund. And, when the clerk won't give you a refund, you call 911, claiming that you were robbed. As reported in the North Jersey Record, Kadien Jackson, 21, of Blauvelt, N...
What Happens If You Drive Down This Woman's Street?
Posted on August 21, 2008Bad things. The woman is 56-year-old Mary Ann Lamkin. The street is Island Shore Drive in Hamburg Township, Michigan. You have been warned. As reported by livingstondaily.com: Mary Ann Lamkin, a former Hamburg Township trustee, already has two felony convictions for trying to impede traffic in her neighborhood and was on bond for new charges of disturbing the peace when she allegedly drove down the center of Island Shore Drive on July 31 as a neighbor came in the opposite direction...
Hooters Girl Sues Hooters Over Contest
Posted on August 20, 2008Okay, this not a new case, but it's too wacky to omit on that basis. The waitresses at the Panama City Beach Hooters were told that whoever sold the most beer would get a new Toyota. As reported by the AP, [Hooters waitress Jodee] Berry, 27, won a beer sales contest in last May at the Panama City Beach Hooters...
Landlord Has Interesting Way Of Getting Attention of Delinquent Tenants
Posted on August 19, 2008He crashed his Hummer into their - um, his - house! At about 2:30 a.m.! As reported by delawareonline: According to New Castle County police, the tenants, a 50-year-old man and his 53-year-old wife, awoke around 2:30 a.m. to a loud crash at their home on Lute Court in the Harmony Woods development in Ogletown...
Virginia Keeps Unconstitutional Laws On The Books
Posted on August 18, 2008Though it certainly wouldn't be the case, I guess not many legislators are eager to appear to be in favor of sodomy, flag-burning, cohabitation, or unmarried couples having sex. That's probably why, per the Virginian-Pilot: The state code [still] declares it illegal for unmarried couples to have sex...
Shhh. Kids, You Can Get R-Rated Movies At The Library
Posted on August 17, 2008At least they can in Lake County, Florida. I was just kidding about Jackass. It was Jackass Number Two that a kid who appeared to be about 11 rented! And the issue was born. The library board voted 9-0 against a policy that would prohibit kids under 17 from renting R-rated movies...
After A 30-Foot Fall, Kid Tasered Up To 19 Times
Posted on August 16, 2008Really. This happened to 16-year-old Ozark, Missouri resident Mace Hutchinson. Here's the story, from ky3.com: A family from Branson wants answers about what happened to their son that left him hospitalized. Early Saturday morning, police found Mace Hutchinson, 16, underneath the Highway F overpass over U...
Judge Forces Parents To Paddle And Spank Their Kids?
Posted on August 15, 2008Several parents have accused Cameron County (Texas) Justice of the Peace Gustavo "Gus" Garza of ordering them to paddle or spank their kids in court. Per The Brownsville Herald: This morning, [Judge] Limas will hear the request for a temporary restraining order against Garza first brought last week by Mary Vasquez and her husband Daniel Zurita, who filed a lawsuit against the justice of the peace, a former state district attorney and special prosecutor...
When Is A Strip Club Not A Strip Club?
Posted on August 14, 2008In Hamburg, Iowa, the owner of Shotgun Geniez was charged with violating obscenity laws after a 17-year-old danced nude there. The defense? It's not a strip club. It's a theater, and is therefore exempt from Iowa's obscenity laws. The result? As reported in The Omaha World-Herald: "The evidence proved beyond a reasonable doubt Shotgun Geniez is primarily a strip club that features nude dancing...
Now THIS Is Speeding
Posted on August 13, 2008130 MPH on a motorcycle! As if that's not bad enough, per Sky News, [Christopher O'Donovan] led police on a 23-mile high speed chase across the Wiltshire countryside, racing through villages and tracks and along several A-roads. Witnesses say up to 17 police vehicles pursued O'Donovan before the police helicopter took over the chase...
Free Porn?
Posted on August 12, 2008How do you get free porn? Well, here's what a guy in Longmont, Colorado tried, as reported by The Longmont Times: ... the man provided a badge and a business card without a name, and told the clerks he was a detective with the Longmont Police Department?s ?age verification unit,? which does not exist...
Yes, "Iron Man" Was Good, But Dude, Seriously ...
Posted on August 11, 2008So 55-year-old Wyoming resident David Anthony Vaughn was enjoying "Iron Man" at the Eastridge Movies when the unthinkable occurred - the projector malfunctioned. Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! When Mr. Vaughan demanded a refund, he was offered a voucher to see another movie...
God Drops By A 7-Eleven
Posted on August 10, 2008From the Police Blotter of the Daily Nexus, at the University of California, Santa Barbara: Sun., Aug. 2, 2:47 a.m. ? Officers working the late shift received a call concerning a man loitering at the 7-Eleven convenience store on Hollister Avenue...
This Granny Is Off Her Rocker
Posted on August 09, 2008Of course grandparents spoil their grandchildren. Maybe a little candy from grandma, or some new clothes. But how about this: 54-year-old Brenda Bouschet was arrested after driving around a Marathon, Florida supermarket parking lot with her 3-year-old granddaughter sitting on the roof! Not to worry, said Ms...
That's No Way To Treat A Car Thief
Posted on August 08, 2008As Police Cmdr. Kelly McMillin said: "you couldn t make up something stranger than this." So here's what happened, per knbc.com. Old Edward Bishop went and stole himself a pickup truck. Not so exciting, but ... ...while [Mr. Bishop was] sitting outside a convenience store, a man with a gun hopped in and ordered him to start driving...
Rockers Need Their Booze ...
Posted on August 07, 2008Admittedly being a rocker is not your average profession. So, you would expect that, come tax time, they would claim some unusual business expenses, right? What about booze? Yup. As reported by UPI, a Swedish rocker ... tried to claim that because rockers drink a lot as part of their jobs, he should be allowed to import 12 gallons of spirits, 16 gallons of wine and 300 beers into Sweden without having to pay hefty import duties...
Never Douse Yourself With Gasoline ...
Posted on August 06, 2008... and never toss a lighter to someone who has just doused himself with gasoline. Because if you do, charges of assisting suicide might await you, as they did a 30-year-old South Korean man. His girlfriend's distraught ex poured gasoline on himself, then stopped the couple, and threatened to kill himself...
Keep The Cat Away From This Guy
Posted on August 05, 2008Warning to cats: the following story may be disturbing to your kittens. As reported by wcbstv.com:A man accused of forcing his 7-year-old daughter to stab the family cat by holding a knife in her hand has reached a plea agreement that would send him to prison for 18 months...
Illegal Butt Crack?
Posted on August 04, 2008No, it's not another butt cleavage, low rider pants story. And actually, it was meth, not crack, that Brian James Verdoes snuck into jail. How was he caught? From the Worthington Daily Globe: While in the jail, Verdoes exhibited strange behavior, lying on the floor with his legs raised in the air...
You Outlawed Dancing?
Posted on August 03, 2008Clearly they have not seen "Footloose," one of the best Kevin Bacon movies of all time. People, people, people. You can't stop dancing, as Kevin Bacon proved beyond any reasonable doubt. So who dares to question the lessons of "Footloose?" Well sir, the Indian State of Andhra Pradesh, that's who...
The Naked Tickling Burglar Milk Container Urinator?
Posted on August 02, 2008This Thomas Blacine is one weird dude. (Though that is apparently urine in the photo below, it's not Mr. Blacine.) He has been breaking into women's homes, naked, and tickling them while they sleep. And videotaping them while they sleep. And peeing in at least one woman's milk container! Now he obviosly likes the way Linda Combs looks while she's sleeping - because he's hit her house twice! "I felt something on my leg and thought it was my cat and I look up and it was this naked guy, and he ran again," said Ms...
You Put A Video Screen Where In Your Car? And It Was Playing What?
Posted on August 01, 2008A 16-year-old Indiana boy had a 15-inch video screen in the rear window of his car. And he was driving around, playing porn on it! He was busted, and appealed the conviction. The ruling? The Indiana Court of Appeals upheld the conviction. As explained by police Sgt...
This Guy Has To Be The World's Worst Driver
Posted on July 31, 2008This will blow your mind. Alan Hogg, age 34, was convicted of drunk-driving - for the 13th time. He's also had 34 convictions for driving while disqualified. You may have guessed that this didn't happened in the United States. Dude would have been executed, at least...
No Bride Or Groom, And The Marriage Is Legal?
Posted on July 30, 2008Only in Montana (really - it's the only state that allows it.) A couple can get married without either of them attending! It's called a double-proxy wedding. Per Montana Code Section 40-1-301: If a party to a marriage is unable to be present at the solemnization, he may authorize in writing a third person to act as his proxy...
Lie, And You'll Get By ...
Posted on July 29, 2008Randy Miller always wanted to be a soldier. In 2004, he achieved that when he enlisted and was assigned to the elite 82nd Airborne at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. He volunteered to be a paratrooper, not the safest of choices. He made 22 jumps and, along the way, picked up two Army Achievement Medals and a Combat Infantryman Badge...
Employee Fired For Calling Cops On Shoplifter
Posted on July 28, 2008Former Home Depot employee Michael Boyer probably couldn't believe it either. As reported in The Detroit News: "It sounds crazy but he was not fired for confronting or physically restraining a customer. He was terminated for involving professionals, the police, to catch someone with a shopping cart full of stolen goods," said Joey Niskar, Boyer's attorney...
Solitary For Hairy Boy?
Posted on July 27, 2008Leave the poor boy alone! Grant Stranaghan, age 15, of Ulster, Northern Ireland, dared to attend school with his hair 2 inches below his collar. Gasp! Hair must not be below the collar (of course, this just applies to boys), so Grant was suspended for 3 days...
A Wicked Foster Mother
Posted on July 26, 2008Ms. Eunice Spry may be the worst foster mother ever. Over the course of 20 years, here is some of the abuse she subjected three foster children to: She forced sticks down their throats.She starved the kids for a month, keeping them in a locked room, with no clothes...
You Named Your Kid What?
Posted on July 25, 2008Let's just say that, suddenly, I'm much happier with "John." The name? "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii." Really. Per the Taranaki Daily News: [Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt] was so worried about the effect on the girl [who was the subject of a custody hearing] he ordered her to be temporarily placed under the guardianship of the court so a suitable name could be chosen...
The Jeans That Keep On Giving?
Posted on July 24, 2008At least that's how Gaylon Linn Murphy drew it up. As reported by The LA Times: Murphy, 52, apologized for his actions, which began when he tore a hole in his Gucci jeans during a visit to a Home Depot store. He then attempted to claim the retail price of the jeans, valued at between $500 and $1,500, from both the building supply store and a local restaurant where he had dined...
Where's My Ear?
Posted on July 23, 2008So Peter Lees had recently broken up with his girlfriend, Gaile Stevens. She didn't take it well. Per the Ledbury Reporter, Mr. Lees was hosting a Pagan wedding party at his house when Ms. Stevens made an appearance. Per Mr. Lees: She was dressed as a comedy cleaning woman with rubber gloves and a broom and there was the most bizarre stuff coming out of her mouth...
A Long Strange Trip ...
Posted on July 22, 2008So it was for Mark Pannell of Buffalo, New York. Here's how his day went, as reported by The Buffalo News: ... at about 8:45 a.m. Saturday ... deputies stopped Pannell's car on Grand Island Boulevard near Staley Road for what is being described as minor traffic violations...
What Happens When You Shoot A Bullet Through The Floor?
Posted on July 21, 2008Bad things, at least in this instance in Brigantine, New Jersey. As reported in The Press of Atlantic City: ... Kevin Dorsey, 36, was visiting his girlfriend's West Brigantine Avenue apartment and had the .40-caliber handgun out when he somehow shot it into the floor at about 12:40 a...
No, You Can't Look In My Bag
Posted on July 20, 2008Some of us, like Michael Righi (and me), have a real problem with groundless intrusions into our lives, even small ones. (If you're inclined to give up your rights because "you have nothing to hide, so what's the big deal," you might want to skip this one...
Dad Picks Wrong Place To Rob
Posted on July 19, 2008And so did husband, who was with dad. Why? Because daughter (and wife) Stephanie Martinez was working at the Pizza Patron in Denton, Texas when her father and husband tried to rob it! It also turned out to be a bad choice because one of the employees hit dad so hard he knocked him out...
A Graduation To Remember ...
Posted on July 18, 2008Before you jump all over 19-year-old Calvin Morett [not pictured above - that dude is a "model"], remember that you were once 19 too. It seems Mr. Morett was not content to throw his cap in the air. Instead, he came to graduation dressed as a 6-foot penis, and sprayed students and school administrators with silly string (per The Albany Times Union)...
When You "Assume" ...
Posted on July 17, 2008Many of you are too young to have watched "The Odd Couple" on tv. There's a courtroom scene (see above) in which Felix is representing his buddy Oscar. Felix warns the court that, when you "assume," you make an "ass" of "u" and "me." That would apply in this case from Sweet Home, Oregon...
You Called The Judge A What?
Posted on July 16, 2008An asshole! (Or, as reported at Ocala.com, "a two-syllable curse word?a crude term referring to the anus." Must be a "family" newspaper. Please.) Anyway, Ms. Sarah E. Muller was not pleased with Marion County [Florida] Judge R. James McCune Jr.'s denial of her request to be dismissed from jury duty...
It's My Yard, So Go ....
Posted on July 15, 2008Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren't real happy about that, or the ... used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees; plastic reindeer; smiley faces painted on the driveway; lampshades tied to bushes, and ...
Sock Thief Gets How Long?
Posted on July 14, 2008If you're Mr. James Dowdy, a long time. Per the Belleville News-Democrat: In 1993, Dowdy received a three-year-prison sentence for attempted burglary after police caught him with a bag of stolen socks. Damn. Three years for that? But wait ... [In 1997] ...
Ladies And Gentlemen, Your Pilot Has ...
Posted on July 13, 2008Spirit Airlines pilot Wayne Giles, age 46, was not exactly an ideal neighbor. Here's a sampling of what he did to his neighbors over a six-year period: throwing shit [really], old fruit, and eggs at an elderly couple's home; sending anonymous letters, for more than 5 years, graphically detailing sex acts...
You Call That A Potato Chip?
Posted on July 12, 2008Actually in the United Kingdom, what Americans call potato chips, they call "crisps." The burning question before a UK High Court judge was: Are Pringles "crisps" or not? Why is this important? Because if they are crisps, they get taxed at 17.5%! If not, they are exempt from the tax, as is most other food...
Beware The Teddy Bear
Posted on July 11, 2008Here's the defense: "It wasn't me. It was all the bear's idea." The crime? Per The Sydney Morning Herald: Police said in April this year [22-year-old Russell] Hounslow's 21-year-old flatmate found a camera inside a teddy bear on her bedside table and discovered it was linked to a video cassette recorder...
Judge Not Pleased With Outrageously Long Complaint , Moved To Prose
Posted on July 10, 2008How long was the Complaint filed by a Vancouver, Washington attorney against GMAC Mortgage, et al.? 465 pages! You probably won't be surprised to hear that the Defendants filed a Motion for a More Definite Statement (in laymen's terms, "What the hell is this crap?")...
Do NOT Piss Off This Boy
Posted on July 09, 2008A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor's porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey: The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil...
Flower Fight Leads To A Severed ...
Posted on July 08, 2008No, not that. Read on... So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly "poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric," per The Telegraph. But that wasn't the end of it...
No You Didn't Just Give Me A Ticket For That
Posted on July 07, 2008Ms. Gill Hodges committed an almost unspeakable crime [kids, leave the room]: she used four parking vouchers to pay for her parking, instead of two! And she had the nerve to wonder what difference it made, since her four vouchers added up to Ł2, exactly the required fee...
Officer, I Swear It's Just Soap!
Posted on July 06, 2008Don Bolles, drummer for the legendary punk rock band The Germs, was on his way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting when he was pulled over by Newport Beach, California's finest. For whatever reason (they hate punk?), they decide to search his car. I'm sure Bolles now wishes he hadn't consented...
Eviction Over A Candy Wrapper?
Posted on July 05, 2008As reported in The South Florida Times: Adrienne Frasier, a single mother of three children, has filed a housing discrimination complaint after being evicted from the Villas D?Este development in Delray Beach. The family had rented a luxury apartment there for more than three and a half years before being evicted after one of Frasier?s sons allegedly threw candy wrappers onto the ground...
Cat Microwaved By Lawyer?
Posted on July 04, 2008It?s good to be passionate about your work, but not too passionate. Take the case of Stanley Protokowicz, a Maryland divorce lawyer. He represented one Thomas Sanders (his best friend), who, shortly after divorce proceedings began, learned that his wife had been having an extramarital affair...
I WON'T Drink To That
Posted on July 03, 2008Ohio resident Alan David Patton went to great lengths to collect urine ... so he could drink it. So a father and his son were trying to use a restroom at Sports Ohio. Per the Columbus Local News: The father told police there were trash bags covering the toilets and paper cups in the urinals, as well as typed signs in the restroom directing people to use the urinals with the cups in them...
Lawsuit Over One Penny?
Posted on July 02, 2008That's what Bob Nicks was threatened with by the Performing Rights Society (PRS), which collects royalties for musicians - a lawsuit for one penny. Per the Evening Chronicle: The not-for-profit organisation says any boss who plays music to their workers or customers through a radio at work needs a licence...
What's In A Name?
Posted on July 01, 2008If you ask a Los Alamos, New Mexico man named Variable, a lot. Variable wanted to change his name to Fuck Censorship. But Bernalillo County Judge Nan Nash refused his requested. So Variable appealed. The Court of Appeals ... denied it. Why? Per WTOPnews...
Um, That's Not My Weed?
Posted on June 30, 2008Talk about really bad timing (or being really stoned - or both), as reported by The Maryland Coast Dispatch [Ocean City]: On Monday evening, an OCPD officer was in the Liquor Mart on 18th Street investigating a theft when he observed a female standing at the counter paying for her purchase...
Just Bad Luck? Or ...
Posted on June 29, 2008In the past three years, trains on which Lee Shuang-chuan and his wife Chen Shi Shen-hong rode derailed three times! After the most recent derailment, on March 17, 2006, authorities thought the death of Lee?s wife was a tragic accident. They had been traveling on a train bound for Vietnam to visit Chen?s relatives...
Not The Most Intelligent Way To Protest High Gas Prices
Posted on June 28, 2008Yes, I know that gas prices are even higher in Europe than here. Even so ... [As reported by the AP]: A German man doused his BMW with gasoline and torched it on Friday in protest at skyrocketing fuel costs, police said. The unemployed 30-year-old man drove the black 1995 BMW 3-series sedan onto the lawn outside Frankfurt's convention center grounds at about 7:30 a...
A Little Fast And Lose With The Truth?
Posted on June 27, 200815-year-old Eric Crespo was charged with attempted murder and illegal possession of a gun. On the night of his arrest, he was interrogated by Detective Perino for over an hour. In court, though, Perino didn't remember it quite that way. As reported in The Village Voice: Under cross-examination by Crespo?s attorney, Mark DeMarco, Perino denied 11 more times that he had any conversations with Crespo after he was in custody...
Mowing While Intoxicated?
Posted on June 26, 2008North Pole, Alaska (really) resident Wyatt Lewis got an unusual DUI. As reported by the Anchorage Daily News, here's how fellow North Pole resident Anne Sterle described it: "I was woken at about 1 in the morning by hearing a lawn mower outside my window," Sterle said...
Naked Jogging Priest With A Novel Defense
Posted on June 25, 2008Reverend Robert Whipkey was arrested in Frederick, Colorado for jogging naked (around the high school track) at 4:30 a.m. He was busted while walking home, still naked. So what was his defense to the indecent exposure charge? Per the Daily Camera: Whipkey?s attorney argued his client?s actions didn?t satisfy an element of the indecent-exposure law that requires proof he ?knowingly? exposed himself...
God Deals Coke?
Posted on June 24, 2008Hey, don't shoot the messenger. A man named God Lucky Howard was busted in Tampa, Florida for selling cocaine. And the charges include selling drugs near a church... Click here for the source.
Motion Not To Cry?
Posted on June 23, 2008Really. As reported by the AP from Hamilton, Ohio: Prosecutors in southwest Ohio say there should be no crying during closing arguments in death penalty cases. Motions were filed this week, saying defense attorneys have strategically been known to cry on cue and beg for their client's lives...
No Bonus Points For Making Parole Appointment?
Posted on June 22, 2008Not if you arrive at the meeting with your parole officer IN A STOLEN CAR. And parolee Marcus George had just been released from prison last week for ... burglary and theft! Per the AP, turns out he took a car for a very long test drive. He never returned it! Mr...
This Guy LOVES His Car
Posted on June 21, 2008Mr. Sandy Wong, of Edmonton - he really loves his car. As reported in the Edmonton Sun, here are a few details of his relationship with a BMW: Wong was busted for masturbating while sitting on the roof of a 2007 BMW 328i sedan on display at the Home and Garden Show at the Northlands AgriCom...
What Are Those Teeth In My Green Beans?
Posted on June 20, 2008Not to worry. Those teeth? They are in the mouth of a rat, whose head Texan Dale Cane found in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans! If you're thinking this is a one-time thing, think again. As reported in The Beaumont Enterprise: Utah mother Marianne Watson in October 2007 made the news after reporting that she found a rat head in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, also purchased at a Wal-Mart...
Another Crime Committed With An Octopus?
Posted on June 19, 2008Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press: The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs...
Whoa There, Your Honor
Posted on June 18, 2008Las Vegas Municipal Judge George Assad got a little carried away. Seems he was upset that one Joshua Madera failed to appear in court to clear up some unpaid traffic tickets. Per the Las Vegas Sun: When Madera called the court to seek a continuance because he was starting a new job that day, a clerk told him he could not obtain a continuance over the telephone...
A Couple Strange Louisiana Laws - Silly String & Butt Cleft
Posted on June 17, 2008These laws are from the Code of Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana: Sec. 19-12. Silly String sales restrictions. ... (b) It shall be unlawful for any person to sell any silly string, or its equivalent as defined herein, within three hundred (300) feet of any parade route within the parish on any day a parade is scheduled...
A Most Unusual Weapon
Posted on June 16, 2008I lack the imagination to make these stories up. Seems that young Ms. Marin (age 18) was picked up for trying to pinch a pair of shoes at a London store called Lizard. While the police were detaining her, she managed to secure her weapon - her right breast - and let loose with a stream of milk at the officer...
Big Brother And The "Legal Weed" Bottle Cap
Posted on June 15, 2008So Vaune Dillmann is a retired policeman who owns the Mt. Shasta Brewing Co. in Weed, California. (The town was named after lumber baron and state senator Abner Weed.) The bottle caps of his beer read "Try Legal Weed" (surrounded by "A Friend in Weed Is a Friend Indeed...
So You Want To Be A Doctor?
Posted on June 14, 2008While reviewing doctor disciplinary cases, I came across this incredible story. In 1976, Illinois pharmacist Gerald Barnbaum had his license revoked for Medicaid fraud. He moved to California, and legally changed his name to Gerald Barnes, a prominent doctor whose name he found in a medical directory...
Pot Yes, Tobacco No?
Posted on June 13, 2008It's true. Starting in July, Dutch folks will not be allowed to smoke cigarettes in bars, restaurants and cafes, including in the coffee shops famous for selling soft drugs. But, and this is a big "but," smoking marijuana or hashish will still be legal! You can read more in this Spiegel Online article.
Obscenity Trial Judge's Porn Website
Posted on June 12, 2008Alex Kozinski, Chief Judge of the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, is one of the most important judges in the United States. (The 9th Circuit includes California, Washington, Nevada, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Arizona, Alaska and Hawaii.) As fate would have it, Judge Kozinski is presiding over the trial of Ira Isaacs, a filmmaker based in Los Angeles, who is accused of distributing criminally obscene sexual-fetish videos depicting bestiality and defecation...
Coincidence? What Do You Think?
Posted on June 11, 2008I'm sure you've heard that the California Supreme Court overturned the state's ban on same-sex marriages. So June 17 is the first day that same-sex couples can legally marry in California. Well, as reported by the Los Angeles Times, ... the Kern County [California] clerk will stop performing all civil marriages before June 17 ...
A Very Cooperative Suspect
Posted on June 10, 2008Perhaps Tennessee resident David Dewayne Sanders is not aware of his constitutional right not to incriminate himself. As reported in The Murfreesboro Post, [Detective] Beene approached Sanders last week on South University Street and asked if he had any drugs on him...
If You're Going To Turn Yourself In ...
Posted on June 09, 2008... make sure you're not drunk! This advice comes to late for William Olson, age 38, of Great Falls, Montana. He drove himself to the Highway Patrol, and turned himself in. For what? Per the Great Falls Tribune: According to charges, Olson was driving in a Toyota 4Runner with his four children, who range in age from 3 to 13, on Morony Dam Road on Sunday...
Oh No You Didn't Just Ban ...
Posted on June 08, 2008... party balloons! The California Senate passed a bill banning helium-filled, metallic party balloons. Why? Per the AP, Utility company officials blame fly-away balloons for shorting out power lines and causing hundreds of blackouts in recent years...
What Goes Around ...
Posted on June 07, 2008... every now and then, comes around. This is one of those times. Remember the New York judge who jailed 46 people because a cell phone went off in his courtroom? (If you don't, click here. It was outrageous.) Guess what happened to him (Niagra Falls City Court Judge Robert M...
Hey Judge In Wal-Mart DEATH Case - You're NOT Funny
Posted on June 06, 2008Yes, it's a wrongful death case. William H. Waggoner, age 88, died a month after he was hit by an automatic door at a Wal-Mart in Marble Falls, Texas. Is it me, or is a case like this an inappropriate forum to try to be funny? Judge James Nowlin tried ...
That Nosy Swedish National Tax Board Again!
Posted on June 05, 2008Remember the story about the Swedish parents who wanted to name their daughter "Metallica?" Or the Swedish transvestite who wanted to change his name to Pia? Add to that list the Swedish couple who wanted to name their daughter "Elvis." Fuhgeddaboutit, said the National Tax Board...
Life Imitating Art?
Posted on June 04, 2008Two friends, Robert John (age 20) and Carl Thorpe (age 26) ran into each other in town. They had a few drinks and returned to Mr. Thorpe's apartment to watch a DVD "featuring football [soccer] hooligans," as reported by the BBC. [The DVD] featured footage of fans biting each other...
If You Curse In Saudi Arabia, You Better Hope You Get A "Disbelief" Judge, Not A "Heresy" Judge
Posted on June 03, 2008Turkish barber Sabri Bogday has been sentenced to beheading for "using God's name in vain," as reported by the Los Angeles Times. It happened "during an argument with a neighbor, who later complained to police." Why is the judge you get so important? The [Arab News Daily] quoted a lawyer as saying: "Some judges consider it heresy and infidelity, and say that the accused cannot repent and so faces the death penalty...
The Next Time You Think You Heard Something In The Closet ...
Posted on June 02, 2008... you will probably think about this story. Over several months, this guy noticed that some of his food kept disappearing. So he had cameras that transmitted images to his cell phone installed. As reported by the AP: One of the cameras captured someone moving inside his home Thursday after he had left, and he called police believing it was a burglar...
Your Honor Said What?
Posted on June 01, 2008Judges have to put up with a lot of crap, day in and day out, and deal with it, on the record. I'm not sure how long I would last. Judge Mark Chow of King County, Washington made it from 1991 until just recently. As reported in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Chow was presiding in a King County Jail courtroom Jan...
Another Bizarre Fetish ...
Posted on May 31, 2008As reported in The Cincinnati Enquirer: A Columbus man has been charged with crawling under a table at a library on University of Cincinnati's campus, spraying a substance from a syringe on a woman's shoes and then photographing them. Dwight Pannell, 43, was booked into the county jail Wednesday on charges of voyeurism, assault and criminal trespass...
The Pettiest Of Petty Criminals?
Posted on May 30, 2008Oh yes she did. Stefanie Woods stole a 9-year-old girl scout's cookie money! And, she just pleaded "no contest" to skipping out on a $25.84 bill at Denny's. As reported by WPBF-TV, here's what Ms. Woods had to say for herself about the Denny's case: "All I can say is that, I'm really sorry, and Denny's was not my fault, even though you guys don't want to believe me...
The Reluctant Bicycle Commuter?
Posted on May 29, 2008You might think that the government official who represents the Motor Accidents Authority, and is also the Education Minister for over 1 million kids in New South Wales, Australia, is biking to work to set a good example. You would be wrong. Minister John Della Bosca is riding his bicycle to work because he has gotten seven speeding tickets, from the same camera, in the same place...
10 Years In The Clink - And Lifelong Embarrassment
Posted on May 28, 2008He will be forever known as the "duct tape bandit." Why? Kasey Kazee, unarmed, entered a liquor store in eastern Kentucky - with his head and face almost completely covered in duct tape. The manager tackled him and held him until the police arrived...
Death Sentence For Masturbating?
Posted on May 27, 2008Okay, so I'm overstating it a little bit. Sanchez Brumfield was charged with killing a man in Louisiana. He's being tried for first-degree murder. While in a holding cell in the courthouse basement, he was seen masturbating by the deputies who were monitoring him by camera...
Best Notice of Appeal - Ever
Posted on May 26, 2008While Mr. Swinyer was in jail, [former] correctional officer Cole admitted that he assaulted Mr. Swinyer by grabbing him around the throat and shoving him against the wall in response to - what else - a "donut" comment (really). Mr. Swinyer filed suit and litigated the case himself...
Boared Thief Gives Police A Hand
Posted on May 25, 2008An 18-year-old stole an SUV, but couldn't shake the cops. So he ditched it, and ran into the woods. Bad move, because he ran into a bunch of wild boars. The boars were pissed, scaring the thief so much that he started yelling for help. The police gladly responded, and arrested the young man...
Not The Best Time To Be Calling 911 ...
Posted on May 24, 2008So the Largo, Florida police respond to a call about a problem at a bar, and they find Dana Shelton. But there's no problem, and they tell Shelton to move along. Unless you are completely plastered, you realize this is a good thing. Not Shelton...
The $341,000 Fly?
Posted on May 23, 2008Just like the McDonald's coffee case (PLEASE click here to read the incredible truth about that case, not the BS put out by business groups and the insurance companies), I'm sure that, though the facts are bizarre, Mr. Mustapha's injuries are real and quite serious...
This Diet Sucks!
Posted on May 22, 2008As a result of this diet, you've gone from 413 pounds to 308 pounds in 8 months. Awesome, right? Not according to much-lighter Broderick Lloyd Laswell. Not only is he not pleased, he filed suit against the responsible parties - his jailers in Benton County, Arkansas (the Sheriff and the Jail Captain)...
How Many Wives (And Kids) Is Enough?
Posted on May 21, 2008For 57-year-old truck driver Mohamed Nor of Malaysia, 3 wives and 18 kids (ages 4 to 34) are not enough. So he is seeking the permission of the Syrariah High Court to marry a fourth women. And guess who has consented to the marriage? Wives 1,2 and 3...
This Kid Is In Some SERIOUS Trouble
Posted on May 20, 2008It's 2:30 a.m. in Hartman, Arkansas. Do you know where your 12-year-old is? No worries. He's just drinking your beer, with his 10-year-old friend, then taking the truck out for a spin. Why? Per the AP, to find a girl they met at the rodeo! Here's what happened: The boys made it about 10 miles before the 12-year-old lost control of the truck...
As You Brag, So Shall You ...
Posted on May 19, 2008... reap. A saying that will no doubt be heeded (even though I just made it up) by Jane Kodros, who was substitute teaching at Alton High School in St. Louis, Missouri when the brag bug bit. What did she brag about? Per the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: ...
How About This Defense?
Posted on May 18, 2008Dude (Horace Bordelon) robs a bank in California, the same one he robbed 7 years earlier. His defense? As reported in The San Francisco Chronicle: He robbed the bank only so he could return to the routine of prison life, so he didn't actually intend to steal any money...
Not Your Average Fetish
Posted on May 17, 2008So here's what David Aston, married (but not for long) father of two, likes to do in his spare time, as reported by the Oxford Mail: Oxford Crown Court heard Aston twice stripped naked from the waist downwards, crouched on all fours on a towel in woodland near Bicester and encouraged four girls to kick him in the groin until he could no longer handle the pain...
If Guinness Book Had A Category For Peeping Toms ...
Posted on May 16, 2008There is no doubt that a recently arrested 46-year-old Canadian man would be in the book. (His name has not been released.) As reported at canada.com, he was arrested after "an apparent bungled break and enter." His real purpose was soon revealed...
Sex And Knife Play?
Posted on May 15, 2008No, I wouldn't normally think of them together either. Catherine McCoubrey and her boyfriend did, though. As reported in the Winnipeg Free Press: ... the couple had been drinking alcohol and were engaged in so-called ?rough sex? when the boyfriend asked McCoubrey to carve a heart-shaped symbol on to his chest...
Wo. You Don't Want To Catch This Judge On A Bad Day
Posted on May 14, 2008It would appear that Maryland District Court Judge Bruce S. Lamdin had a lot of bad days. The excerpts below are from the opinion released yesterday by the Court of Appeals of Maryland. As stated in the opinion, "... Judge Lamdin expressly admitted that he made each of the comments attributed to him and that those comments violated specific Canons of the Maryland Code of Judicial Conduct...
Not The Best Landlords
Posted on May 13, 2008Certainly it's natural to want to maximize one's real estate investment. But we are still, for the most part, a nation of laws. San Francisco landlords Kip and Nicole Macy apparently didn't care much about the law. They were trying to clear out a 6-unit building they bought in San Francisco...
Dude Stole From The Wrong Folks
Posted on May 12, 2008I don't think Michael Spillman, Jr., of Mansfield, Ohio, will be stealing anything anytime soon. He was at the home of Jacqueline Chapman and Bernard Demuth when they left for a funeral. When they came home, Spillman was gone, and so was $2,200 in gaming equipment...
What Is The Punishment For Firing A Gun In The Air?
Posted on May 11, 2008Daniel Ranallo can tell you, because he did it in Phillipsburg, Pennsylvania, and got busted. As described by Judge Pursel, per The Morning Call: This is a bizarre case where the defendant was wandering around with a gun looking for someone and firing the gun in a public place...
So Much For Customer Service!
Posted on May 10, 2008In a Fairfax County, Virginia Food Lion, a customer and a Food Lion manager got into an argument over the use of certain coupons. It goes without saying that coupon use is a very contentious issue. So perhaps it's not surprising that the manager then knocked over the customer's grocery cart...
Okay, So Maybe Working In A Nursing Home Isn't The Best Job, But ...
Posted on May 09, 2008Warning: Brushing your teeth will not be the same for a little while after you read this. As reported in the Evening Telegraph, nursing home worker Nina Strange ...dip[ped] a toothbrush into bath water, in which a patient had just defecated, before using it to brush the 75-year-old woman's teeth...
65-Year-Old Living With Mom Wigs Out
Posted on May 08, 2008So maybe it's only a little strange that 65-year-old Tad Gunter is living with his 85-year-old mother, Margery Gunter. Actually, it's really nice if he's taking care of her. What do you think, nice or strange? Margery Gunter told deputies that her son, Tad Gunter, has been acting weird for the past month, according to an arrest report...
More Weird And Wacky British Laws
Posted on May 07, 2008In addition to a few previously noted wacky British laws, as reported in The Daily Mirror, here are a few more that are still on the books: A law enacted by George I states that: "The severest penaltys will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal house...
Tennessee Republican Leader With Some Serious Gender Issues
Posted on May 06, 2008Perhaps that's the reason Tennessee House Republican Leader Jason Mumpower did what he did. As reported in the Nashville Scene: Tennessee is the only state in nation with a law preventing sex-change recipients from retroactively revising the sex designation on their birth certificates to correspond with their new gender identity...
Kid Gets Suspended For This?
Posted on May 05, 2008Yes, Christian Haughwout, a 14-year-old student at The Morgan School in Clinton, Connecticut, was suspended for 10 days for ... bringing a camera to school that emits a mild shock! The official reason for the suspension? "Possession of a dangerous instrument and causing a threat or danger to the physical well-being of himself or other people...
Male Lawyer Call Female Lawyer What?
Posted on May 04, 2008This is not your garden variety "babe-calling" case. Ms. Aude sued Mr. Mullaney for negligently giving her herpes. (The jury found that he did, but that she was "contributorily negligent.") Mr. Mullaney was represented by Allen Harris (and Benjamin Lipsitz)...
So Much For "Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold"
Posted on May 03, 2008Actually, "hot" and "warm" revenge didn't work out too well either for David Alan Hawkins, who had the misfortune of trying to develop a condominium project when the Savings and Loan crisis hit in the 1980s. He lost his financing, and the project, with the collapse of Queen City Savings and Loan...
Man Climbs On Roof Of Moving Vehicle?
Posted on May 02, 2008Okay, maybe that sounds just a little insane. But consider this - he was driving! As reported in the Reading Eagle, Messerly was driving his employer?s minivan on the bypass in West Reading about 3 p.m. April 4 when he climbed out of the driver-side window, stood on the roof and was catapulted into the woods when the van crashed into a guide rail, borough police said...
Lesbians Sue lesbians?
Posted on May 01, 2008So no matter what happens, the lesbians win! Actually, that's not true. The Lesbians might win. What the hell am I talking about? Three Greek women who live on the island of Lesbos filed suit against the Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, per the AP, claiming that its name "insults the identity" of the people of Lesbos...
Cops Summon A Three-Year-Old?
Posted on April 30, 2008They did. They summoned him to court (on charges of creating a law and order problem!), and 3-year-old Mukesh Prasad came with his daddy. The Magistrate was pissed. The summons was immediately dismissed. How did this happen? Seems a couple of police officers in Sultanpur, India were looking for Mukesh's 19-year-old brother, Sunil...
This Is How You Examine Someone For An Ear Infection?
Posted on April 29, 2008You would not believe the frequency with which doctors sexually abuse their patients. In doing research for these posts, I come across cases similar to this at least several times each week. According to a woman examined by Arkansas Dr. Clarence Jay Arendall, here's what happened, as reported by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette: [The woman] said in the lawsuit filed March 12 that she visited Arendall for an ear infection in the past five years but that during the examination, he lowered her pants, touched her genitals, fondled her breasts and made sexual comments to her...
Traffic Court Judge, Who Knows A Thing Or Two About Traffic Tickets, In The Soup Again.
Posted on April 28, 2008Philadelphia Traffic Court Judge Willie F. Singletary knows a thing or two, OR 55, about traffic tickets. That's because, a year ago, his driver's licenses was suspended through 2011 due to 55 traffic violations totalling $11,427, as reported by the Philadelphia Daily News...
Lawyer Said What To The Judge?
Posted on April 27, 2008Here's what William P. Smith, Esq. said to the Judge in a Florida Bankruptcy proceeding: Mr. Smith: I suggest to you with respect, Your Honor, that you're a few French fries short of a Happy Meal in terms of what's likely to take place. Billy, Billy, Billy...
A One Month Suspension For What?
Posted on April 26, 2008Remember the post the other day about the doctor who got a one week suspension for having a sexual relationship with a patient? Well, Dr. Mark Blaylock got a one month suspension for ... putting a picture of a government official in the trash! For real...
Was This Psychiatrist Treated Fairly?
Posted on April 25, 2008You are psychologist Andrew Jacobs, and you need a psychiatrist to treat your wife for depression. Not surprisingly, you refer her to the same Harvard-trained psychiatrist you've been referring people to for 10 years. Surprisingly, this man, Kansas Dr...
Felons Can't Vote In Idaho But ...
Posted on April 24, 2008They can run for president. Of the United States. No shit. All you have to do is pay a $1,000 fee and you're on the ballot. That's just what Keith Russell Judd, a felon who is locked up in federal prison until 2013, did. You can read more (just a little bit) in this Idaho Mountain Express article.
Perhaps The Flight Crew Should Have Cut Her Off?
Posted on April 23, 2008So this woman is on a Delta flight that lands at Logan International Airport in Boston. As she would make sure everyone knows, she is FAMOUS! As reported in The Boston Globe: The general manager of WHDH Channel 7 was arrested after an allegedly drunken, obscenity-laced tirade at Logan International Airport in which she threatened to call a news crew and put a state trooper "on TV and ruin [his] life," according to a police report...
Um. What Address Did You Say This Was?
Posted on April 22, 2008This is a strange one. See if you make the same call the jury did. Here's the scene, as described in The Oregonian: The petite 24-year-old Beaverton woman got out of the shower wrapped in a towel, stopped to watch a couple minutes of TV and then sat down on her bed...
Dude! This Is How You Come To Court?
Posted on April 21, 2008Malcolm Williams came to the Houston County Courthouse to pay some fines and to report to his probation officer. When he emptied his pockets before going through the metal detector, as reported in the Dothan Eagle: ...out spilled two baggies of marijuana along with a wad of cash and a cell phone...
Strip Search?
Posted on April 20, 2008If you missed it, check out yesterday's entry regarding some strange "justice" in Eutawville, South Carolina. Here's some more of that there strange justice. This is the side of the story of three fellas who were pulled over by the Eutawville police: They had finished a day of fishing, and were driving through Eutawville, with a boat in tow...
Here A Bra, There A Bra, Everywhere A ...
Posted on April 19, 2008How the hell was this done? Somebody just waltzed into Victoria's Secret in Flagstaff, Arizona and stole 350 bras! Mind you, the store was open. And for some reason, the anti-theft tags did not trigger the alarm. The haul has a retail value of about $15,000...
Bent Penis Is Key To Case?
Posted on April 18, 2008So said Plaintiff's attorney Rob Serafinowicz in a case now being tried in the Waterbury Superior Court in Connecticut. The case involves allegations by Neil Perrotti that, when he was 17 years-old, former Middlebury First Selectman Edward B. St. John sexually assaulted him...
Does Home Seller Have A Legal Obligation To Disclose That The Neighbor Is Wacky?
Posted on April 17, 2008Yes, this is the subject of a lawsuit in Arizona. Nathan Thinnes sold his house to Glenn Melton, who bought it for his daughter, Kelly Zegers. Thinnes did not disclose that his neighbor was a REAL problem. When Melton discovered this, he asked Thinnes to take the house back, which he refused to do...
Apparently It's Okay To Invade Brittany Spears' Privacy - If ...
Posted on April 16, 2008Remember when a bunch of people at UCLA Medical Center snuck a peak at Brittany Spears' electronic medical records? No? I didn't either. Well they did. As reported by California Healthline: The Department of Public Health said 53 employees, including 14 doctors, at UCLA Medical Center breached Spears' records on two occasions...
Good Throw Foils Robbery - Wright Triumphs Over Wrong
Posted on April 15, 2008"Down on the floor!" - or something like that - said the knife-wielding, would-be robber of the Cigarette Outlet in Des Moines, Iowa. Although employee #1 complied, #2 (Ruth Wright) didn't, and grabbed a couple cans of chewing tobacco. Per the Des Moines Register: Wright threw two cans of chewing tobacco at the man, one of which bounced off his face...
You're A Judge, And This Is Really Your Defense?
Posted on April 14, 2008Zoinks. Judge Kerry Evans was before the Ontario Judicial Council in 2004. The charges included: patting the groins and buttocks of co-workers; French-kissing co-workers; force-feeding Jujubes to his co-workers; andengaging in oral sex with a court worker in his office washroom...
It's A Bird. It's A Plane. No, It's A Sausage!
Posted on April 13, 2008Have you ever been hit by a sausage? No? Then maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge authorities in Manchester, England who are prosecuting a 12-year-old boy for throwing a cocktail sausage at a neighbor. And it hit him on the shoulder! And this crazy judge said he couldn't believe such a case had been brought before him! What the hell is wrong with those English judges? Clearly this boy must be stopped...
Ladies Kissing Ladies In Singapore
Posted on April 12, 2008Per a report in Reuters India: Singapore bans sex between men and any man found to have committed an act of "gross indecency" with another man could be jailed for up to two years. There is no legislation on sex between women. Okay, so this authoritarian country would allow a commercial showing women kissing? No way...
"Naughty" or "Gaudy?"
Posted on April 11, 2008Hey, I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, if it's a close call, and there's no history. You make the call on this one. Per the Palm Beach Post: The Judicial Qualifications Commission filed formal charges against [Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge Howard] Berman in December 2000...
Life In Jail For Abusing ATM Glitch?
Posted on April 10, 2008Okay, so after discovering the glitch (the man's account was only debited 1/1,000th of the amount withdrawn!), he made an additional 171 withdrawals, to the tune of about $25,000. And yes, it was in China, where he could have been sentenced to death (for real)...
The Most Idiotic Prescription Drug Warning Ever
Posted on April 09, 2008People always ask how I find the stories for Legal Juice. I found this one on the back page of the "A" section of yesterday's Washington Post. I was skimming a full-page ad for a new allergy drug called "Xyzal." Ignore, if you can, the idiotic name "Xyzal...
Judge Drops A-Bomb On "Victim"
Posted on April 08, 2008I gotta say, I really like the way Springdale District Court Judge Stanley Ludwig handled this one. Here's what happened, as reported in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette: The alleged victim had accused his wife of beating him, Ludwig said. Ludwig said he found the woman innocent, believing the man?s injuries to be self-inflicted...
How Did Attorney Stop Disciplinary Proceedings? By Becoming A Judge!
Posted on April 07, 2008In October 2006, as reported in The Montgomery Advertiser: [Then attorney Stuart] DuBose, pleaded guilty to violating the State Bar's rules and was suspended from the practice of law for 45 days. But the state Supreme Court ruled that the penalty wasn't sufficient...
Why You Shouldn't Fall Asleep In Class...
Posted on April 06, 2008At least, don't fall asleep in Melissa Nadeau's class. Why not? Just ask Vinicios Robacher, a 15-year-old student in Danbury, Connecticut. When Vinicios crashed, Ms. Nadeau allegedly awoke him by slamming [the palm of] her hand down on his desk so hard that it injured his left eardrum! The boy's parents have filed papers with the Danbury town clerk, as the AP reported, which is "a prelude to a lawsuit...
All Whites, Please Leave The Courtroom
Posted on April 05, 2008For real. As reported in The Kansas City Star: [Fulton Superior Court Judge Marvin] Arrington asked all white people to leave before he lowered the boom on the defendants, telling them that bad behavior in poor black neighborhoods drags down black advancement...
Witness Repeatedly F-Bombs Questioning Attorney - Hellish Deposition
Posted on April 04, 2008Must have been "f-bomb the lawyer day." Mr. Aaron Wider is the owner and CEO of HTFC Corp. In a lawsuit brought by GMAC Bank against HTFC, Mr. Bodzin (GMAC's attorney) was attempting to take Mr. Wider's deposition. To say Mr. Wider was uncooperative would be an incredible understatement...
A Court Reporter Not To Be Messed With
Posted on April 02, 2008Vietnam veteran and court reporter Ronald Tolkin was in the right place at the right time. That place was a courtroom in Brooklyn, New York. Others present: prosecutor Carolyn Pokorny, defendant Victor Wright, Judge Block, and U.S. Marshal Alvarez. As reported by nymag...
A Picnic Table?
Posted on April 01, 2008This one is just really strange. Per wtol.com: Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. Holy shiznit! So what charge is Mr. Price looking at? A felony! What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price...
Stabbed For Being Friendly?
Posted on March 31, 2008Yup. A 30-year-old Toronto man was riding the bus. After making eye contact with the man next to him, the friendly guy said "hello." This was too much for the unfriendly guy, who, as reported in The National Post, then asked Why do you say hello to me? I don't know you...
This TOTALLY Bites!
Posted on March 30, 2008Robert Johnson REALLY wanted to be a telemarketer. The only problem? He is missing 18 teeth. But Johnson wasn?t going to let that stop him. He applied for a telemarketing position, went through three days of training, and received generally positive evaluations from the telemarketer...
I'm Getting That Damned Motorcycle!
Posted on March 29, 2008Dude really wanted the motorcycle, so he came equipped - with a blow torch, gas cannisters, a screwdriver and a claw hammer. Problem was, he was a little bit to loud. The homeowner's 4-year-old son heard some noise, and woke his dad. So dad chased him down the street, then realized he was buck naked...
Threats Of Killing For Better Test Scores?
Posted on March 28, 2008By who? A principal! According to Anita White, a teacher at New Braunfels Middle School in San Antonio, Texas, here's what principal John Burks said to her and three other teachers: He stated if the scores were not to his liking, he would kill us all and then kill himself...
Venomous Viagra? Asian Elixir? Or Just Cheap Vodka With A Snake?
Posted on March 27, 2008A fella in Palo Pinto County Texas, known as "Bayou Bob," has been arrested for selling alcohol without a license. Not just any alcohol, mind you, but vodka with a rattlesnake in every bottle. It helps that Bob Popplewell is a rattlesnake rancher...
Bank Teller Thinks Something About Transaction Smells Funny
Posted on March 26, 2008Tyler J. Meverden of Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin, went to the bank to make what he probably thought was a routine deposit. There was just one problem, as reported in the Door County Advocate: The money Tyler J. Meverden, 21, tried to deposit at a Sturgeon Bay bank reeked of marijuana, according to a Sturgeon Bay Police Department investigation into the incident...
Aussie TV - Raining F-Bombs? C-Bombs?
Posted on March 25, 2008Can you say that on TV in Australia? Hell yes. Chef Gordon Ramsay, of "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" in Australia (and "Hell's Kitchen" in the U.S.) drops some serious f-bombs. Per The Daily Telegraph, ... celebrity chef Ramsay slipp[ed] in the f-word more than 80 times in one episode...
Sorry, Sir. Those Are NOT Allowed In The Hospital
Posted on March 24, 2008Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It's definitely the coolest place I've ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can't bring the patient's horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up...
What Hand Gesture - Not The Bird - Lands Texas Attorney In Jail?
Posted on March 23, 2008Austin Texas attorney Adam Reposa, in court representing a man charged with DWI, was not pleased with a particular objection made by the prosecution. As reported by keyetv.com, Travis County Court at Law #6 Judge Jan Breland put Adam Reposa into the lockup after he made what is described in court documents as "?a simulated masturbatory gesture with his hand while making eye contact with the Court?" Mr...
No Jail Time For Canadian Child Molester?
Posted on March 22, 2008How can that be? I have no idea. As reported in the Edmonton Sun: According to the agreed facts, the victim disclosed to her parents that Lister had sexually assaulted her on approximately six occasions between September 2005 and June 2006 when she was between 11 and 12 years old...
On The Lam After Ham Slam
Posted on March 21, 2008Joe Scola, of Gloucester, Massachusetts, heard the front door of his restaurant slam. As reported in the Gloucester Daily Times, When he glanced outside, he saw his waitress returning from a break. She asked him, "Who's that guy carrying the meat down the street?" Scola recounted yesterday...
What Happens If You Offer Gum To A Prostitute?
Posted on March 20, 2008Actually, Dayton, Ohio resident Tony Henderson only thoughtthe woman he propositioned was a prostitute. Actually, she was a police officer. So what happened that fateful night in April 2006? As reported by the Court of Appeals of Ohio, Dayton Police officer Dyan Briggs was working as a prostitution decoy...
An Unforgettable Lap Dance
Posted on March 19, 2008Not the good kind of "unforgettable," though. A fellow named Stephen Chang was at the Hot Lap Dance Club, when, he alleges in his lawsuit, he got a lap dance that was - sorry - not so hot. Seems he caught a heel in the eye, causing "serious injuries...
Judge Hit With F-Bombs, S-Bombs, BS-Bombs ...
Posted on March 18, 2008Mr. Smith (that's his name, really) was sentenced to 21 years for six drug offenses. He requested a new trial, fired his lawyer, and represented himself at the hearing on his request for a new trial. Mr. Smith's "first use of profanity occurred when he used the word 'fuck,' apparently for emphasis [Well I never!], in recalling an earlier conversation with his trial counsel who allegedly invited [Smith] to [appeal] based on ineffective assistance of counsel at trial...
DNA Samples from 5-Year-Olds?
Posted on March 17, 2008For those of you in the United States who are worried about the steady erosion of privacy rights (count me in), transplant yourself to the United Kingdom for a moment. As reported in The Guardian, here's a suggestion from Britain's most senior police forensics expert: Primary school children should be eligible for the DNA database if they exhibit behaviour indicating they may become criminals in later life...
Book Hierarchy In Jail?
Posted on March 16, 2008In Kansas (and probably lots of other states), absolutely. By law, the Bible reins supreme, and stands alone. Here's the text of Kansas statute 19-1906: Bibles for prisoners; ministers to have access to jail. The sheriff of each county shall provide at the expense of the county for each prisoner under his charge, who may be able and desirous to read a copy of the Bible or New Testament, to be used by such prisoner at proper seasons during his confinement; and any minister of the gospel desiring to aid in reforming the prisoners and instructing them in their moral and religious duties, shall have access to them at seasonable and proper times...
Just Another Day Working The Drive-Thru
Posted on March 15, 2008Okay, it wasn't just another day for one Dunkin' Donuts worker. On that day last month, John Greco, age 46, of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, decided to pick up some coffee at the drive-thru, without any pants on! So when he picked up his order, his toolkit was there for all to see...
Right To Dry?
Posted on March 14, 2008Yes, "right to dry," not "right to die," though some people may jump off their condo balconies if, heaven forfend, Project Laundry List, and some New England legislators get their wish. What do they want? Per The Boston Globe: If successful, the measures in Vermont and Connecticut would be the first in New England, and among the first in the country, to protect the age-old custom of air-drying laundry...
The Most Bizarre Toilet Story EVER
Posted on March 13, 2008And that headline is not hyberbole. As reported by the AP: Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years. TWO YEARS! What would you think happens to your body under those circumstances? The sheriff said the woman's muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by "natural means...
What Does It Take To Ban A Doctor In New Zealand?
Posted on March 12, 2008A helluva lot. As reported in The Brisbane Times: Court documents reveal the GP [general practitioner], known only as DAP, began having sex with patients as early as 1987. He was twice suspended from practicing in 1996 and 2001. He ... faced disciplinary action after admitting to maintaining sexual relationships with at least eight female patients, including the daughter of an elderly woman...
Redefining Hard-Up Young Men
Posted on March 11, 2008I'm having a hard time thinking of anything that compares to what brothers Nicholas and Alexander Grunke were planning on doing. They saw a young lady's picture with her obituary (I think you have an idea where this is going), and thought she was attractive...
You Can Ignore That Speeding Ticket If ...
Posted on March 10, 2008... you happen to be a Montgomery County (Maryland) police officer. I know what you're thinking - they're chasing criminals, so it's okay. That's true, but only for 76 of the 224 tickets the officers received from speed cameras over the last 8 months of 2007...
You Have NEVER Been This Drunk
Posted on March 09, 2008Nor would you want to be, because many folks have died with lower blood-alcohol levels. Would it surprise you if a fraternity was involved? Or pledges? Five hours of drinking? Me either. Pledges to Beta Theta Pi at Lehigh University in Pennsylvania kicked off the pledging season with a bang...
Asking A Cop If He Wants A Doughnut? Doh! Bad Move.
Posted on March 08, 2008But not for the reasons you might suspect. Up in Douglas County, Oregon, 2 fellers dressed like cowboys offered some doughnuts to a couple deputies. Now they didn't take offense, mind you, just notice of how these dudes were dressed. So when they responded to a burglary, in which doughnuts were among the stolen items, and there were cowboys boot prints at the crime scene ...
Did The "My Breasts Are Too Big" Defense Work?
Posted on March 07, 2008For real - this defense was really used in court. The charge against Japanese pin-up Serena Kozakura was kicking a hole in a door, and then crawling through it to enter an apartment. She was convicted. On appeal, Serena's lawyer argued that, with a 44-inch chest, she could not possibly have fit through the hole in the door! The Judge agreed, and tossed the case...
Yes, There Is Such A Thing As "Bad Publicity"
Posted on March 06, 2008Just ask Vern Potter. Seems old Vern was wanted for insurance fraud relating to a personal injury claim from an automobile accident. Obviously he didn't get enough to retire on, because he took a job with a roofing company. Just recently, he was up on the roof of an elementary school, shoveling snow off, when a photographer from the New Hampshire Union Leader took his picture...
Case Took How Long To Wend Its Way Through The System?
Posted on March 05, 2008It may have seemed like infinity, but no, only twenty-five years! And it may not be over yet! As reported on Canada.com: In 1983, the Public Service Alliance of Canada (PSAC), which represented clerical workers at Canada Post, filed a human rights complaint against the corporation, saying it paid lower wages to the mostly female workers of its clerical section, than to the mostly male workers in its operations section...
Incredible "American Idol" Story
Posted on March 04, 2008So Sheila Brooks of Indianapolis put her one and three-year-old children in a tub with 9 inches of water and left the room to get some clothes. Per The Indianapolis Star: "Daesheana [Brooks' seven-year-old daughter] stated that they were in her mother's bedroom watching American Idol on TV for several minutes and her mother suddenly stated that she forgot and left the two youngest children in the tub," Officer Gustavia Dodson wrote in the report...
Um. Someone Stole My Jacket?
Posted on March 03, 2008This will be the only defense available to a man who robbed a convenience store in Des Moines, Iowa and left his jacket behind - WITH HIS W-2 IN THE POCKET! Doh! The man is still at large, though probably not for long, since he only netted $115 in the heist...
Dude Really Did Not Want To Go To Work
Posted on March 02, 2008How do we know this? Because Daniel Kuch, of Pasco, Washington, had his friend shoot him, and then told the police he was shot while jogging. Could work really be that bad? Apparently Kuch wanted to avoid an upcoming drug test. Both Kuch and his friend were busted...
Cook Put What Kind Of Hair In The Steak?
Posted on March 01, 2008Pubes! "According to the [police] complaint, a second kitchen worker told police [the cook] put a slit in the steak and pushed something inside, then stated, "These are my pubes," referring to pubic hair." (The cook said they were facial hairs. Huh?) Why would a cook do this? He was pissed that the customer said the first steak was "medium," not "rare" per his order...
Something Else You Shouldn't Do At The Police Station
Posted on February 29, 2008Show up for questioning about stolen clothes, including a jacket, wearing the stolen jacket! As reported at SheboyganPress.com, Felipe M. Medina, of Sheboygan, was charged Thursday with a misdemeanor count of retail theft. The criminal complaint said Medina took a pair of blue jeans, a black T-shirt and a black jacket from a Kohl?s store on Nov...
Woman Left Man 13 Times - Then He Finally Gave Her The Boot
Posted on February 28, 2008Over the 14 years Noel "Nutsy" Campbell and Miss Jasmine were involved (I can't say "together" because at one point, she left him for 4 years!), she left him 13 times. He always took her back. So why did he finally decide he'd had enough? He was tired of the beatings Miss Jasmine inflicted on him, among other things...
Of All The Place To Relieve Yourself ...
Posted on February 27, 2008...I would put "in front of the police station" near the bottom of the list. Of course, the calculus changes, when, like a 40-year-old Appleton, Wisconsin man, you have consumed so much booze that your blood-alcohol level is 4 times the legal limit...
They've Outlawed Dancing?
Posted on February 26, 2008Have they not seen "Footloose," one of the best Kevin Bacon movies of all time? People, you can't stop dancing, as Kevin Bacon proved beyond any reasonable doubt. So who dares to question the lessons of "Footloose?" The Indian State of Andhra Pradesh, that's who...
Think These Two Were Made For Each Other?
Posted on February 25, 2008Damn! As reported by the AP: A man fighting with his girlfriend clung to a car roof and punched her through the window as she drove more than a mile on a busy road, hitting several other cars, police said. Both were hurt in the brawl Saturday and were arrested, police Sgt...
They Beat Bloggers There
Posted on February 24, 2008... and jail them too. Egyptian blogger Karim Amer got four years for criticizing Islam and President Mubarak on his blog. He's now been in jail for a year. Karim Amer, who is serving his prison sentence in Borg Al-Arab Prison, Alexandria, wrote in his letters to one of his legal counsels that he was beaten on 24 October 2007...
Cop Tasered A Cow?
Posted on February 23, 2008If nothing else, that's gotta bring some seriously bad karma. As reported by the AP, Police [in Rogers, Arkansas] are conducting an internal investigation into an allegation that a lieutenant used his stun gun to shock a cow and shared a videotape of the incident with other department employees...
Where Is The Last Place You Would Drive A Stolen Car?
Posted on February 22, 2008Charles Chambers went to the Anderson County (South Carolina) Sheriff's Office "to demand the return of nearly $2,000 officers seized from him during a drug arrest last June," per the AP. After they told him to pound sand, ... an officer noticed he got into a car that matched the description of a vehicle stolen about three hours earlier...
Not The Typical "Man Loves Dog" Story
Posted on February 21, 2008If your dog is looking over your shoulder, be warned that this story may really disturb her. Hell, it really disturbs me. As reported by Kansas station KAKE: Police make an unusual arrest Tuesday evening. A woman in the 3700 block of E. Clark heard someone break into her garage...
Judge Not Impressed By Peace Priest
Posted on February 20, 2008Reverend John Dear and 8 others "occupied the elevator of Sen. Pete Domenici's Santa Fe office for more than five hours" in 2006, per the The Albuquerque Tribune. They were protesting the Iraq War. They remained in the elevator because they were denied access to the Senator's third-floor office...
Does MySpace Friend Request Violate A Protection Order?
Posted on February 19, 2008Yup, according to a Staten Island judge. As reported by the AP: The ruling this week lets stand charges that a 16-year-old broke the law when she sent friend requests on the social networking site to a woman and her two daughters. Criminal Court Judge Matthew A...
Smells Like Fake Insanity
Posted on February 18, 2008Per the St. Petersburg Times: To prove he's incompetent to stand trial on multiple felony charges, Robert Sinclaire Lee hid a razor in his mouth and used it to cut his wrist in court. He smeared feces on his face. And Monday, he entered a courtroom with feces hidden in his jail jacket pocket...
Online Sex Auction Takes A Bizarre Turn ...
Posted on February 17, 2008As reported in the City News: It is a tale that could only happen in the age of the Internet and it's become the focus of worldwide attention. A German woman has won a court battle to force an Internet service provider to reveal the names of the men who may have gotten her pregnant...
Would You Vote For This Man?
Posted on February 16, 2008Milwaukee Alderman Michael McGee had been arrested three times in the past 18 months, and was involved in several other incidents. He was arrested (that's #1) for shouting an obscenity at Blockbuster employees. In the aftermath of a protest following the Blockbuster incident, he did not contest "a municipal charge of resisting and obstructing an officer...
Flashing Belt Buckle In Court Said What?
Posted on February 15, 2008Well, the bailiffs told reporter Mike Longaecker (of The Republican Eagle) that the message on the woman's flashing belt buckle read "fuck you." Shazam! Why? Per Mr. Longaecker: While the attorney for a suspected Red Wing murder accomplice argued for his client?s release, a supporter of the suspect had a courtroom message she also wanted to deliver...
A Man Who Is Quite Serious About His Weed
Posted on February 14, 2008So this 52-year-old dude was growing pot in the loft of a house he owned with a 59-year-old woman. She dropped by the house to tell him to kill the weed. An argument ensued, after which she tried to tear down the wall that partitioned off the weed room...
Irony
Posted on February 13, 2008Sixty-one-year-old Janusz Nowak of Sosnowiec, Poland was sick and tired of people vandalizing his bus stop. So, he pasted the following notice on the pavement: "Dear Vandals - please stop destroying the bus-stop." And guess what happened? He was arrested for vandalism! A police spokesman said: "Although the man had good intentions and wanted to express his indignation towards hooligans' behaviour in the neighbourhood he unfortunately broke the law himself...
Jail Time For A Handshake?
Posted on February 12, 2008Anthony Rentas, husband of Attorney Kathy Brewer Rentas, was sentenced to 90 days house arrest for violating his probation. Call it a hunch, but I don't think Ms. Rentas was thanking Assistant U.S. Attorney Jenifer Keene when she shook her hand after the hearing...
Do NOT Cut And Paste In The Phillipines
Posted on February 11, 2008Especially if you're doing it with a random nude body and your ex-girlfriend's head. Rustan Ang now knows this. As reported in the Philippine Daily Inquirer: The Court of Appeals has affirmed a four-year prison term, P100,000 fine ($2,470 U.S.) and mandatory psychiatric treatment for a man who threatened to spread a pornographic picture with his ex-girlfriend's face on it after she rebuffed his attempts to rekindle their relationship...
Insanity From Italian Judges
Posted on February 10, 2008How can a 34-year-old man, who admitted to a four-month-long sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl not see the inside of a cell? He was originally sentenced to 3 years but, on appeal, the court reduced the sentence to 1 year and 4 months. Why? The court concluded there was "real love" between Vicenza butcher Antonio de Pascale and the girl...
She Said "No Omelette" - Okay?
Posted on February 09, 2008So the husband, Ravi, wanted an omelette for dinner. And he's not real flexible (at least he wasn't at the time). Wife Kavitha, a school teacher, didn't feel like cooking no stinkin' omelette. After an argument, she began chopping onions for the omelette...
Make Up Your Mind!!!!
Posted on February 08, 2008Ah yes, the happy couple. James McManus and Corina McCarthy became engaged in December 2005, and they lived... Actually, she dumped him, and returned the "relatively expensive" engagement ring. She changed her mind, again, and they got engaged, again, with the same ring...
Not Your Average Texas Legislator
Posted on February 07, 2008I think Representative Borris Miles will have a tough time explaining this (as reported by The Houston Chronicle): ... in December ... Miles crashed a party at the posh St. Regis Hotel. Party host David Harris said a drunken Miles shocked guests with loud, profane language before planting a Godfather-style "kiss of death" on his cheeks [and tried to grab his groin, per Mr...
Judge Said What To Attorney?
Posted on February 06, 2008As reported in The Star-Ledger, The Advisory Committee on Judicial Misconduct charged that Superior Court Judge F. Michael Giles [Essex County, New Jersey] launched a tirade against Sebastian Bio when the attorney pressed him on a legal matter in 2006...
Don't Be Hatin'
Posted on February 05, 2008Surely Ponce de Leon High School (Florida) Principal David Davis would deny it's hatin'. Decide for yourself. As reported by the Student Press Law Center: The lawsuit, filed Thursday [by a junior at the school], alleges that Principal David Davis told several students who were wearing rainbow belts and shirts and writing pro-gay expressions on their hands that supporting gay and lesbian rights was impermissible at the school...
New Rule: No Farting In School
Posted on February 04, 2008True. As reported in The Knox County Times, Camden-Rockport Middle School in New Jersey has banned farting, apparently due to a bunch of superfarting eighth-graders. This is from the Fire Cracker, the school's newsletter: Strange, but true, thanks to a bunch of 8th grade boys, intentional farting has been banned from CRMS...
Should He Be "Doctor Of The Day?"
Posted on February 03, 2008Earlier this month, the North Carolina Legislature honored Dr. Bob Crummie as "doctor of the day." In addition to some interesting "deep thoughts" (see below), Dr. Bob has had a few run-ins with the law: In 1997, he was convicted of driving while intoxicated...
Short On Street Smarts?
Posted on February 02, 2008Okay, so the 2 cops were in an unmarked car in street clothes [sort of]. But perhaps alleged prostitute Rose M. Townsend should have picked up on the following signs: Detective Osborne was wearing a tactical vest with the word "Police" in large letters! Detective Hamblin was wearing his badge on the outside of his clothing...
Bad Dog! (Don't Eat It. Eat It. Don't Eat It. Eat It.)
Posted on February 01, 2008What would you do if your dog ate the food off your plate? Me and Devin Shane Calhoun, well sir, we'd shoot him. (Note to PETA, truly, I like dogs.) As for Mr. Calhoun, of Conifer Colorado, he definitely does not. As reported by UPI: A Conifer, Colo...
Not The Model Doctor/Patient Relationship
Posted on January 31, 2008As reported by The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, here is the story of Dr. John Geoffrey Limbert of Victoria, British Columbia: This family physician cared for a female patient for five years during which time she had two pregnancies. Subsequently, he established himself as a full-time sex therapist [I think you can guess where this is going] and she sought his professional advice...
Dude Dissed A Priest For Bad Sermonizing! And Then Sued Him!
Posted on January 30, 2008Sorry, no f-bombs. But, here's a little tale courtesy of John Browning of The Southeast Texas Record: Father Luis Alfredo Rios of St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Crystal Lake, Ill., was sued for making a "wrongful sermon" by one of his parishioners, Angel Llarona...
Whose Foreskin Is It Anyway?
Posted on January 29, 2008Parents get divorced. Dad converts to Judaism, and wants son circumsised - and Mom doesn't. Now if I were to to tell you that the son istwelve years old, who else do you think they should ask? Yes, junior, of course! You would think someone would have thought of this before the case worked its way up to the Oregon Supreme Court! Nope - not in the 3 years the parents have been litigating this issue...
How About A Shot Of Weed Killer?
Posted on January 28, 2008Here's how Georgia Dr. Totada R. Shanthaveerappa promoted his "Integrated Medical Specialists" and "Integrated Chemotherapy Specialists" clinics, as reported in the Gwinnett Daily Post: He advertised that his clinic practiced "safe and effective, nontoxic, scientifically-based alternative" medicine that could "cure or control most cancer and other chronic disease," according to court documents...
No Matter How Routine The Sex May Have Become ...
Posted on January 27, 2008Yes, electricity and sex occasionally cross paths, but this is insane. Toby Taylor (37) and his wife Kirsten Taylor (29) of York County, Pennsylvania apparently used a live electrical cord to sexually stimulate each other (according to Mr. Taylor). This time, though, the shock ended up giving Ms...
Man Revokes Own Bond?
Posted on January 26, 2008New Yorker John McDonald was charged with second-degree assault for attacking a cab driver in Aspen, Colorado. Why? Apparently he was pissed because the cabbie wouldn't take him somewhere to buy cigarettes. So, said the cabbie, McDonald popped him in the face, breaking at least one bone...
Quite The Day For Younger Brother
Posted on January 25, 2008Here's a wacky story from Patna, India: Villagers at a wedding in eastern India decided the groom had arrived too drunk to get married, and so the bride married the groom?s more sober brother instead, police said. ?The groom was drunk and had reportedly misbehaved with guests when the bride?s family and local villagers chased him away,? Madho Singh, a senior police officer, told Reuters...
Drinking (A Lot!) And ... Riding?
Posted on January 24, 2008The German police pulled this guy over and gave him a breath test. The results? Ten times the legal limit! So they busted him for driving while intoxicated, right? Nope. He was riding down the road in his wheelchair! Was he charged? As reported in The Fayettesville Observer: Police said that because the man was technically traveling as a pedestrian, he could not be charged with a driving offense...
Yes, Another Wacky "Motion To Continue"
Posted on January 23, 2008Regular Juice readers no doubt remember this "Motion for Continuance." This one is not quite as funny (the bar is now pretty high), but it's still juiceworthy. In the Louisiana case of Harrell v. Spencer, et al., defense counsel filed, I shit you not, an "Unopposed Motion To Continue Trial Due To Conflict With The LSU Tiger's National Championship Game...
If You Think Your Job Is Bad ...
Posted on January 22, 2008Think again. You are not a "manual scavenger." As described by writer Sunil Kuksal: The term ?manual scavenging? describes the daily work of manually cleaning and removing human feces from dry (non-flush) latrines across India. Workers, mostly women and young boys, are also referred to as ?night soil workers?, a Victorian euphemism that hides the repugnance of the word ?shit?...
Setting The Standard For Stalkers
Posted on January 21, 2008Wow. There is an aerobics instructor in Winnipeg who regrets the day she said "hello" to Alanna Phizacklea, who attended the gym where the victim taught. Apparently, that "hello" was all it took, because there was nothing else that transpired between the two of them...
Oh No You Didn't Mess With My Dog
Posted on January 20, 2008If Alexander Yermilov is saying this, you should listen. If not, you might find yourself on the business end of an ax. As reported by UPI: Prosecutors said a man in the Chita region of Russia killed two friends he found dismembering his pet dog so they could prepare a meal...
What Happens If You Skip Class At Arson University
Posted on January 19, 2008Kansan Austin Jones found out when he and some friends tried to set an SUV ablaze. He set his own pants on fire! So he took off his pants and boxers, and took off. How do we know this is the way it went down? The incident was recorded by a neighbor's security camera...
The Ref Made Me Do It?
Posted on January 18, 2008So said 27-year-old professional soccer player Bob Malcolm after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. Here's a man who truly believes in accepting responsibility for his actions: I recognise that footballers are role models and that, as such, they should set a positive example...
The Power Of The Playboy Bunny
Posted on January 17, 2008It's just a bunny, right? Wrong, as Elizabeth Johnson, a junior at Gateway High School in Kissimmee, Florida learned. Her crime? She wore sweat pants with a Playboy bunny and the word "Playboy." The time? Two days of detention! From a UPI article, here are the highlights: Elizabeth Johnson, a junior at Gateway High School, said a dean approached her at school and instructed her to change out of her black Playboy sweat pants, which she did...
Do You Really Want To Send That Letter?
Posted on January 16, 2008Precisely what Illinois attorney Marvin Gerstein should have asked himself. He had helped his union-member client obtain an arbitration hearing with the client's employer, Kraft Foods. Although the union had a lawyer at the arbitration representing the client, Gerstein was there too in a "nonrepresentative capacity...
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