Law Humor
Lowering the Bar 
Legal humor. Seriously.
Post Frequency: 2.1/day Last Entry: November 20, 2009 at 04:09:54 Recent Entries: 673
By Kevin Underhill
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Man Tests Police by Dressing to Match Suspect's Description
Posted on November 20, 2009I can remember times when I was really, really bored. I mean, really bored. But I don't think I've ever been so bored that I even considered checking a police scanner to get a description of somebody the police were...
UPDATE: Amended Complaint in Dolphin Case Also Points Finger at Algae
Posted on November 18, 2009As you may recall, this summer a woman sued the Brookfield Zoo alleging she had fallen near the dolphin pool because the zoo had recklessly encouraged said dolphins to splash water out of said pool, making the floor slippery. Local...
Joe Francis Sentenced to Time Served, Is Now Free to Sleaze Again
Posted on November 18, 2009Joe Francis, the Girls Gone Wild founder -- or as Gawker.com described him, the "alleged arm-twisting sexual aggressor and loathsome Girls Gone Wild founder" -- was sentenced on November 7 to time already served, and was released into the wild...
Plaintiff Alleges That Defendants Concealed Location of His House
Posted on November 17, 2009This case was filed recently in San Mateo County, just south of San Francisco: Stanley G Hilton v. San Francisco International Airport; San Francisco International Airport Authority; City and County of San Francisco; San Mateo County; Town of Hillsborough; United...
TSA Targets Snow-Globe Terrorism Threat
Posted on November 16, 2009As I have argued before, the absence of hijackings since 9/11 is almost certainly not due to the unenhanced security provided by the Transportation Security Administration, which daily protects our nation's planes from the threat of oversized nail clippers, undeclared...
Bear-Disturbance Acquittal Follow-Up
Posted on November 16, 2009Last week I mentioned that I was having trouble finding the law that Kenneth Herron supposedly violated when he infiltrated the bear grotto at the San Francisco Zoo. I speculated that it might have been section 5.08 of the San...
San Francisco Jury Struggles With Whether Bear Was "Disturbed"
Posted on November 13, 2009Last week, a jury acquitted Kenneth Herron of a misdemeanor charge stemming from an incident in which he somehow managed to get into the Grizzly Bear Grotto at the San Francisco Zoo. Herron, who has a history of mental illness,...
Balloon Parents to Plead Guilty
Posted on November 12, 2009CNN has reported that Richard and Mayumi Heene, shown in this photo from last month pretending to be anguished about the fate of their son Falcon, who they said had accidentally flown away in a large balloon, are expected to...
Jury Finds Florida Man Was Not "Too Fat to Kill"
Posted on November 12, 2009Edward Ates "looked down and shook his head in court" as he listened to the jury's verdict against him on November 6. As he did, his ponderous jowls wobbled slowly from side to side. Or, at least, ponderous and wobbly...
Washington Honking Case Taken Up by State Supreme Court
Posted on November 12, 2009The Washington Supreme Court has agreed to hear Helen Immelt's claim that the city of Everett violated her First Amendment rights when it convicted her of excessive honking. As I noted this summer, the state court of appeal ruled against...
Chicago Courts Rejecting Evidence Gathered by Laser
Posted on November 11, 2009The Chicago Tribune reports that judges in Cook County, Illinois, have been dismissing speeding tickets issued to drivers whose speed was measured with laser guns rather than boring old radar. The traffic court has taken the position that evidence gathered...
Indicted Financier and Bank Regulator Were "Blood Brothers," Plea Agreement Says
Posted on November 10, 2009James Davis, formerly the CFO of the Stanford Financial Group, pleaded guilty in August to fraud and conspiracy charges in a deal with federal prosecutors. The Stanford Financial Group was either a $7 billion financial-management company or a "massive Ponzi...
Korean Woman Passes Driver's Test on 950th Try
Posted on November 09, 2009It seems like only yesterday that Cha Sa-soon was failing her 775th written driver's test, but in fact it was February. Cha, a 68-year-old grandmother from South Korea, had been taking the test every two days or so starting sometime...
Alleged Car-Stealer Charged With Stealing Car to Get to Hearing on Car-Stealing Charges
Posted on November 07, 2009The California Highway Patrol got a report of a stolen car on November 3 and were able to track it down quickly because it was equipped with LoJack. They found it parked near a courthouse in Vallejo, about a 30-minute...
Latest Bad Disguise(s): Drawing on Your Face With a Sharpie
Posted on November 06, 2009I have to go back and make sure my numbering is consistent, but I think these would be Bad Disguises Numbers 6 and 7: I am going to count these as two Bad Disguises even though they are fundamentally based...
Colonel Sanders Appears at UN to Seek Membership for Grilled Nation
Posted on November 05, 2009United Nations officials in New York said they were "still trying to find out exactly what happened" to enable a man dressed as Colonel Harlan Sanders to get past security and into the UN building on October 22. Reports suggested...
Blagojevich Can Appear on "Celebrity Apprentice," Says Judge
Posted on November 05, 2009A federal judge has ruled that former Illinois governor and loony pseudo-celebrity Rod Blagojevich can indeed appear on "Celebrity Apprentice" in March. U.S. District Judge James Zagel decided on October 20 not to block Blagojevich from appearing on the show,...
So Long, Guy Who Refused to Marry Interracial Couple
Posted on November 04, 2009"I do hereby resign," began the only sentence anybody was interested in hearing out of Keith Bardwell, who until November 3 had been Justice of the Peace for the Eighth Ward of Tangipahoa Parish, Louisiana. Everybody has been calling for...
"Air Zaidi" Shoe Is Top Seller in Bangladesh
Posted on November 03, 2009It isn't really called "Air Zaidi," but it is damn popular in Bangladesh, apparently. The "Zaidi shoe," a black and brown lace-up named after the guy who threw similar footwear at former President George W. Bush in 2008, is apparently...
Judge Denies Wrongdoing; Says He Was Only There for the Soup
Posted on November 02, 2009"No, I did not," Judge Michael Hecht testified in a Tacoma courtroom last week, in his own defense. He said this repeatedly. What had he not done, you ask? Have a seat. Hecht was on trial for felony harassment and...
Halloween Breathalyzer Costume Results in What I Believe to Be Irony
Posted on November 02, 2009As we learned from Alanis Morrisette, irony is a tricky concept, so I have looked up the definition: irony, n. 1. A figure of speech in which the intended meaning is the opposite of that expressed by the words used;...
Never Bring a Chainsaw to a Gunfight
Posted on October 31, 2009As you probably know, it is difficult enough to chase somebody while waving a chainsaw without having to worry that the person is going to suddenly turn and pull a gun on you, but I guess this is something that...
Court Criticizes Everybody Involved in Briefing That Totaled 5,415 Pages
Posted on October 30, 2009A while back, I made fun of a brief that was filed on behalf of Jeffrey Skilling (of Enron fame, or infamy), not because it was bad but because it was 239 pages long. At the time, I thought that...
Gang Member to Get Makeover for Trial, Says Attorney
Posted on October 29, 2009"Clothes make the man, and a mustache couldn't hurt either," will apparently be the trial theme in Richard Rodriguez's case against the city of El Monte, California. Rodriguez sued the city in July, alleging that a police officer used excessive...
Experts Agree: Chances of Governor's Message Being Random Are Tiny
Posted on October 29, 2009As you have probably heard, things are going just great in California, apart from the state being massively in debt, occasionally on fire, and thoroughly riddled with active fault lines. Also, our bridges suck, but on the bright side, the...
Pilots Who Forgot to Land No Longer Allowed to Fly
Posted on October 28, 2009The Northwest Airlines pilots who failed to respond to air-traffic controllers for 90 minutes, missed their destination by 120 miles, and claimed they had "lost track of time" while using their laptops, have been stripped of their licenses by the...
State Assistant AG Fired After Inappropriate Cemetery Visit
Posted on October 28, 2009A 66-year-old deputy assistant attorney general is now no longer employed by South Carolina after a police officer noticed him and another person engaging in an unspecified activity in a "secluded part of a downtown cemetery." He and the 18-year-old....
French Court Finds Church of Scientology Guilty of Fraud
Posted on October 28, 2009On October 26, a French court held that the Church of Scientology and six of its members were guilty of fraud, sentenced the members to as much as two years in jail (suspended) and fined them up to $600,000 each....
Judge Reprimanded for Jailing Guy Who Gave Him the Raspberry
Posted on October 27, 2009I think I'm with the judge on this one, even if the state supreme court said he screwed up. Municipal Court Judge Emery Toth was reprimanded last month for violating the New Jersey Code of Judicial Conduct by "speaking disrespectfully...
Consumer's Suit: I Was Duped by the Loops Made of Froot
Posted on October 24, 2009As I wrote this past summer, a number of lawsuits have been filed in California over the past couple of years by people who say they were deceived by certain representations on cereal boxes. Specifically, plaintiffs including Janine Sugawara, Mark...
Another Consumer Says He Was Duped by Froot Loops
Posted on October 24, 2009As I wrote this past summer, a number of lawsuits have been filed in California over the past couple of years by people who say they were deceived by certain representations on cereal boxes. Specifically, plaintiffs including Janine Sugawara, Mark...
Lowering the Bar, Live at Microsoft
Posted on October 22, 2009As I think I have mentioned before, I occasionally do presentations based on "Lowering the Bar" for law firms, in-house legal departments, bar associations, and/or anybody else who might be interested. I gave one of these at Microsoft today, and,...
Lowering the Bar at Microsoft
Posted on October 22, 2009As I think I have mentioned before, I occasionally do presentations based on "Lowering the Bar" for law firms, in-house legal departments, bar associations, and/or anybody else who might be interested. I gave one of these at Microsoft on October...
FAA Investigating Balloon-Boy Case; Balloon Dad Prepares for Apocalypse
Posted on October 21, 2009According to reports on Tuesday, the Federal Aviation Administration is now conducting its own investigation of Richard Heene's report last week that his 6-year-old son might be aboard a runaway helium balloon. The balloon flew about 50 miles and caused...
Fish Killer Gets Probation
Posted on October 20, 2009I think I have only seen one other story that I thought was funny although it involved domestic violence, and that one involved a woman beating a man with his own prosthetic leg. See "Man Beaten With Own Leg by...
First-Grader Beats Rap for Knife Charge
Posted on October 19, 2009Zachary Christie, the 6-year-old who was suspended recently after bringing a camping utensil to school, has been granted a reprieve. Christie was facing 45 days in the big house for allegedly violating the school district's "zero-tolerance" policy towards possible weapons...
Juror Who Caused Mistrial With Online Research Must Pay Jury Fees
Posted on October 19, 2009Paul Christiansen, who caused a mistrial in March by doing his own research on the defendant and disclosing it to other jurors, has been fined $1,200 by a court in Newbury, Massachusetts. Jurors, of course, are instructed not to do...
"Grand Theft Auto" Insanity Defense Fails Again
Posted on October 15, 2009I know this has been tried before, and I'd be surprised if it has ever worked, but it didn't work this time. In an opinion issued on October 14, the California Court of Appeal held that an insanity plea to...
Woman Learns to Swear in Order to Make Partner
Posted on October 15, 2009On October 12th the legal newspaper The Recorder ran a story on Judy O'Brien, who is now general counsel at a Bay Area startup called Obopay, and was formerly a partner in the Silicon Valley law firm Wilson Sonsini Goodrich...
Can Church-and-State Issues Be Funny? Hell, Yes
Posted on October 14, 2009I am way overdue in suggesting that you buy a copy of Jay Wexler's book, Holy Hullaballoos: A Road Trip to the Battlegrounds of the Church/State Wars. At the outset, given that the FTC is now regulating blog endorsements, I...
Stalin Libel Claim Dismissed
Posted on October 13, 2009I thought today's proceeding was another hearing in the case, but it turns out the judge was ready to announce his decision. That decision: it is indeed fair to say that Joseph Stalin was a bad guy. The judge found...
Bank Demands Thumbprint Before Cashing Check; Says Lack of Arms No Excuse
Posted on October 01, 2009This one is really pretty straightforward. The bank requires a thumbprint before cashing a check for anyone who does not have an account there. Steve Valdez did not have an account, but he also has no thumbs. The bank rejected...
British Government Considers Mandating Plastic Pint Glasses
Posted on September 30, 2009Trying to control stabbings by banning knives that have a point on the end was bad enough. But this is really going too far. The BBC reported recently that the British Home Office is seeking a new design for pint...
Mock School Robbery Leads to Actual School Lockdown
Posted on September 29, 2009A high school in Montrose, Michigan, offers what sounds like a pretty cool class in forensic science. Over the past several years the class has included a surprise event in which people portraying masked gunmen stage a mock robbery, and...
Beer-Drinking Woman's Caning Can Proceed, Says Malaysian Court
Posted on September 29, 2009Now that Ramadan is over, the case of Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno is back in the news. As you know, Ramadan is the Muslim holy month during which followers abstain during daylight hours from things like eating, drinking, smoking, and...
New Supreme Court Portrait Reveals Lack of Consensus
Posted on September 29, 2009On whether or not to look at the camera, anyway: Actually, that does not appear to be the final official portrait. Good thing, because this almost seems like one of those band photos where they all insist on broodingly staring...
Attorney Loses Round One in Battle for First Amendment Right to Wear Hats
Posted on September 28, 2009Q: Does the First Amendment to the United States Constitution guarantee an attorney the right to wear whatever he or she wants to wear in court? A: No. This is the lesson of Bank v. Katz, a case decided on...
Wellford Police Allowed to Chase Criminals Again
Posted on September 28, 2009Criminals in Wellford, South Carolina, now must again be concerned that police may come after them, even if they are more than an arm's-length away. WSPA News reported recently that Mayor Sallie Peake decided to rescind the no-chase policy she...
Police in South Carolina Town Not Allowed to Chase Suspects
Posted on September 25, 2009There are many sad examples of innocent bystanders and police officers being injured as a result of high-speed chases, and so it is understandable that some cities might direct officers not to engage in those kinds of pursuits, on the...
Bank of America Sued for 1.784 Sextillion Dollars
Posted on September 25, 2009Apparently hoping to either (a) send a message, (b) set the new record for largest demand ever made in a lawsuit, (c) be awarded all of the money that may exist in the galaxy, in whatever human or alien denominations...
It's a Series of Tubes!
Posted on September 25, 2009If you were getting a "Page Not Found" response earlier today, that was because I seem to have jacked up some server settings when I was tinkering with them last night. Me doing that is sort of like Tom DeLay...
Joe Francis Pleads Guilty, Avoids Jail in Tax Case
Posted on September 24, 2009"I'm happy to finally be able to redirect my attention to the business at hand, which is to provide quality entertainment," said Joe Francis after his guilty plea was accepted on September 23. "Quality" is not really the first adjective...
Motion Dismissed for "Negligent Stapling"
Posted on September 24, 2009The ABA Journal reports today that a judge in New York dismissed a motion for default judgment partly because it had been so poorly stapled. It appears that the staple or staples used were inadequately closed during the stapling process,...
Emu Tased
Posted on September 23, 2009On Sunday, police in Scott County, Mississippi, finally cornered and subdued one of the emus that have apparently been threatening motorists on Interstate Highway 20 for the last few days. If you are traveling in the area, please be aware...
UPDATE: State High Court Will Not Review Burning Man Case
Posted on September 22, 2009On September 16, the California Supreme Court refused to hear the appeal of Anthony Beninati, who blamed promoters of the Burning Man festival for injuries he sustained in 2005. Its decision affirmed that of the Court of Appeal, which ruled...
A Sentence Rarely Found in Legal Pleadings
Posted on September 21, 2009Link: Brant v. The Chop Shop, Inc., Civ. No. 09-3464 (E.D. Pa. filed Aug. 31, 2009) (PDF) Link: On Point News
Great Wall Warnings
Posted on September 19, 2009I guess the bottom sign might be asking that others assist heart patients who may be trying to ascend the Great Wall, rather than a warning to the latter not to do so. It's hard to say. There seems little...
"Some Rumors Should Rest Untested"
Posted on September 18, 2009Here's an opinion by the Minnesota Court of Appeals that is unpublished, but should not go unread. Below are the first two sentences of the court's opinion - I have reversed the order for slightly greater comedic effect: Four teenage...
Attorney Crashes Party at Courthouse Groundbreaking
Posted on September 17, 2009A new federal courthouse is being built in Austin, Texas, and a groundbreaking ceremony was held there on September 2 that attracted numerous dignitaries. Just the group assembled for the ceremonial groundbreaking portrait below included two district judges, two magistrate...
Big Firm Rocked by Tab-Divider Scam
Posted on September 16, 2009In what is believed to be the largest tab-divider scam yet perpetrated on a large American law firm, three men are accused of defrauding Wilson Sonsini Goodrich & Rosati out of $1 million by charging it for tab dividers that...
Practice Tip: Good Behavior Advisable During Disciplinary Hearing
Posted on September 15, 2009Here's the tip: If you are facing disciplinary charges alleging that you were disruptive and abusive in court, don't be disruptive and abusive during the disciplinary hearing. Colorado attorney Mark Brennan forgot this rule during a hearing in July, during...
Sex Fees Not Deductible Medical Expenses, Tax Court Rules
Posted on September 15, 2009Therapeutic? Probably. Deductible? No. So ruled the U.S. Tax Court yesterday in the case of William Halby, a New York tax attorney who claimed that the amounts he spent on, let's call them personal-gratification-related books and materials, and also numerous...
Plaintiffs' Firm Sued by Potential Client After Chair Collapse
Posted on September 14, 2009"We seek justice for people who have suffered from the negligence of others," says the website of Fetterman & Associates, a well-known plaintiffs' law firm in Florida. "If you are the victim of injuries . . . please contact us...
Police Investigating Burglary Fail to Notice Burglar Returning to Steal TV
Posted on September 13, 2009A determined burglar returned to the scene of his crime to re-steal a TV, managing to get away with the set while police were still inside the house. Homeowner Steve Fluegge, of Pensacola, Florida, said he surprised a burglar inside...
Longest Known Judicial Oath
Posted on September 11, 2009According to the people at Improbable Research, who collect interesting and completely ridiculous studies done in many scientific fields (including the social sciences), the longest known oath required of witnesses in a judicial proceeding was the oath required in Burmese...
UPDATE: "Open Mike" Duvall Resigns
Posted on September 10, 2009Well, that didn't take long. Just one day after the public disclosure of his affair with a lobbyist, on whom he was also cheating (if that's the right word) with a third woman, all of which was revealed by him...
Monkey Mask Fails to Defeat Traffic Camera
Posted on September 10, 2009This may seem at first like a great idea for beating those automatic photo-enforcement cameras they set up to catch speeders: I would honestly like to be able to say this idea worked and that there was still a mystery...
Recent Headlines
Posted on September 09, 2009"Cops find man isn't dead, just a slob" (NY Daily News) "Man to Somerville Police: 'I'm naked. You can't take me'" (Somerville Journal) "Men's room rant to judge leads to jail sentence" (Associated Press) "Driver plows into Grand Junction liquor...
Open Mike Likely to Close Out Legislator's Career
Posted on September 09, 2009If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: If you are a state representative who is the vice-chairman of the legislature's commerce committee and a member of its ethics committee, are married with two children and are...
Malaysian Woman Sentenced to Caning for Drinking Beer
Posted on September 08, 2009I have been meaning to post on this case for a while, and given yesterday's post on the story of Lubna Hussein, the Sudanese woman punished for wearing pants, now seems like a good time. In July, Kartika Sari Dewi...
Sudan Fines Woman Who Dared To Wear Pants
Posted on September 07, 2009The New York Times reports that a Sudanese woman has been fined the equivalent of $200 after a trial on Monday in which she was found guilty of wearing pants in public. She was, however, spared the 40 lashes she...
Slight Problems Found With "Nurse of the Year" Award
Posted on September 06, 2009Here is a short list of the potential problems that authorities recently alleged alleged in connection with Betty Lichtenstein's "Nurse of the Year" award, which she received in 2008: She isn't a nurse. Wait, I found a few more: She...
Don't Miss The [Alberto] Gonzales Cantata
Posted on September 05, 2009Only two shows left for The Gonzales Cantata, the world's first concert opera based entirely on former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales's 2007 appearance before the Senate Judiciary Committee. As you may recall, Gonzales was questioned and criticized (by Republicans...
Iraqi Shoe-Thrower to Get Early Release
Posted on September 03, 2009BAGHDAD -- An Iraqi journalist imprisoned for hurling his shoes at former President George W. Bush will be released next month after his sentence was reduced for good behavior, his lawyer said Saturday. Muntadhar al-Zeidi, you may recall, threw both....
Funkytown's Crazy Co-Mayors
Posted on September 02, 2009I'm a little miffed that my hometown, Kansas City, waited until after I moved away to elect crazy people to run it. Actually, the voters elected one person, Mark Funkhouser, to be mayor, but he brought along his wife Gloria...
An Unusual Penalty
Posted on September 01, 2009The New York Times Topics blog has a post today on prepositional phrases and how they can result in unintentional comedy if you aren't careful. This is common in legal writing, too, and one of the NYT's examples has a...
Tour Companies Battle Over Trademarked Duck Noises
Posted on August 31, 2009I suppose it was only a matter of time before Ride the Ducks and Bay Quackers ended up in litigation. Both companies operate land-and-water tours using amphibious vehicles of a type known in World War II as DUKWs or "Ducks,"...
Wrongening the Math
Posted on August 30, 2009It seems that I got the math wrong in my post a couple of weeks ago about the $1 trillion lawsuit against Oprah Winfrey. See "Oprah Stole My Poetry, Man Claims In $1 Trillion Lawsuit," Lowering the Bar (Aug. 12,...
Good Reason to Kill #60: Messed With Your Dungeons & Dragons Character
Posted on August 28, 2009Happily, this was not a successful killing attempt, but Zachary King did go after two acquaintances with a hammer due partly to hurt feelings over a game of Dungeons & Dragons the previous day. King's preliminary hearing was held on...
Possible Joe Francis Defense Arguments: He Knows Celebrities, Is Just Like Hefner
Posted on August 27, 2009There's been lots of interest in the post the other day about the deposition conduct of Joe Francis, the "Girls Gone Wild" mogul who, it now seems, may have replaced Roy "Lost Pants" Pearson as the gift that keeps on...
Do You Really Want Your GPS Directions Read By Bob Dylan?
Posted on August 26, 2009On his BBC Radio 6 Music Sunday show on August 23, Bob Dylan told listeners that he is "talking to a couple of car companies" about becoming the voice of their GPS navigation systems. Great artist, terrible idea. It is...
Defendant Gone Wild
Posted on August 25, 2009"He has put a lot of this foolish behavior behind him," said Joe Francis's lawyer in 2007, but guess what? He had plenty left. Back then, Mr. Francis, who some of you may know as the purveyor of "Girls Gone...
"I'm With The CIA" Defense Fails Again
Posted on August 24, 2009Whether or not this defense will work in the context of possible prosecutions for torture enhanced interrogation techniques remains to be seen, but it does not seem likely to help dodge a speeding ticket. Sources reported today that a man...
Michael Jackson's Death Led to Arson, Says Arsonist
Posted on August 23, 2009The death of the King of Pop has certainly affected each and every one of us, and we show our respect and our grief in various ways. Some buy his music, some build makeshift shrines, and some set fire to...
Taster's Choice Follow-Up: Is "Youthened" A Word?
Posted on August 21, 2009A reader has suggested that maybe the most noteworthy thing about the Christoff decision is that "the California Supreme Court thinks 'youthened' is a legitimate verb." See Christoff v. Nestle USA, Inc., No. S155242, slip op. at 3 (Cal. Aug....
Dolphins Blamed For Woman's Slip And Fall
Posted on August 20, 2009Allecyn Edwards, possibly wanting to prove she could be as creative as her parents were with her first name, alleged in a complaint filed August 18 that the Brookfield Zoo and its dolphins are responsible for injuries she suffered last...
California Supreme Court Rules In Taster's Case
Posted on August 20, 2009The California Supreme Court ruled on August 17 in a case I have been following for some time, namely the dispute between the maker of Taster's Choice coffee and one of its former Tasters over an allegedly unlawful use of...
Man Who Posed As Lawyer "Seemed To Know What He Was Talking About," Say Colleagues
Posted on August 19, 2009Howard Kieffer practiced law for years in at least ten different states, specializing in federal criminal defense. That seems like an impressive number of states until you learn that he did not all get bogged down in taking the bar...
Church Sued For "Enabling" Addicts By Feeding Them
Posted on August 18, 2009Ah, the pro se plaintiff . . . the gift that keeps on giving. Justin Collins v. Glide Memorial Methodist Church, No. CGC-09-491480 (San Francisco Super. Ct., filed Aug. 14, 2009) Negligence action. The defendant enables drug addicts by feeding...
Next On "Dancing With The Stars": Tom DeLay
Posted on August 18, 2009Former GOP leader Tom DeLay, who retired from Congress in 2006 after being indicted on still-pending money-laundering charges, is back. He will be appearing on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars." Yes, it is sometimes impossible to tell...
Russian Court Says U.S. Band Needs License to Play Its Own Songs
Posted on August 17, 2009On June 15, a court in the Russian city of Rostov-on-Don (not to be confused with the other Rostov, which is not on Don), fined the U.S. band Deep Purple after finding that the band had illegally performed copyrighted songs...
Murder Convicted Of Murder
Posted on August 14, 2009In a not-shocking development in this now-seven-year-old drama, rapper Corey Miller has been convicted for a second time of the 2002 murder of a fan at a nightclub in Harvey, Louisiana. Miller was originally convicted in September 2003, but a...
Fall of the Republic, #137
Posted on August 13, 2009True or false: this person was once elected governor of a major American state. Is the "Jailhouse Rock" joke too obvious? Oh, well: Blagojevich, who has steadfastly refused to lay low while awaiting trial on corruption charges, should probably start....
Oprah Stole My Poetry, Man Claims In $1 Trillion Lawsuit
Posted on August 12, 2009In July, Damon Goffe sued Oprah Winfrey in federal court, alleging that Winfrey had infringed his copyright in a series of poems. Goffe demanded 1.2 trillion dollars ($1,200,000,000,000) in damages for what were, presumably, the greatest poems in the universe,...
Woman Claims Display Was So Distracting, She Fell Over It
Posted on August 11, 2009I haven't read the complaint, but at first glance this doesn't seem to make a lot of sense: Lindsay Ross v. Dollar Tree Stores Inc., No. SCV245445 (Santa Clara Super. Ct. July 10, 2009). Slip and fall. The plaintiff was...
Cat Blamed For Pornography
Posted on August 10, 2009Police in Florida say a man accused of possessing child pornography has claimed that his cat downloaded the material while he was in the other room. The officers immediately apologized for the intrusion and everyone laughed about the crazy things...
Driver Who Was Texting And Talking While Driving Ends Up Swimming
Posted on August 10, 2009At this point, unfortunately, charges based on texting while driving are not especially newsworthy. Charges based on texting while driving while also talking on a second phone at the same time while driving a tow truck are a different story,...
Cyclists Get More Room To Ride, Increased Taunt Protection
Posted on August 06, 2009In what I personally find to be a very disturbing development, it is now illegal in Louisiana to taunt someone who is riding a bicycle. It is also illegal in at least two states to throw something at such a...
BREAKING: Jefferson Convicted of Bribery, Storing Cash in Freezer
Posted on August 05, 2009Former U.S. representative William Jefferson was convicted today (Aug. 5) on 11 of 16 bribery counts. A jury found that Jefferson, a Democrat from Louisiana who was on the House Ways and Means trade subcommittee, had used his position to...
Robber in Gorilla Suit Foiled by Worker With Meat Cleaver
Posted on August 04, 2009Police in Conway, Florida, reported that a worker at Jimmy's Japanese Hibachi was taking out the trash last Monday night when a man in a gorilla suit appeared and punched him in the head. The worker fled into the restaurant,...
We Regret The Error
Posted on August 04, 2009From the California version of The Recorder on August 3, 2009: Understandable. In this business, it is often hard to tell those two concepts apart. Link: Law.com (free registration required).
Court: Illegal-Entry Charge Corroborated By Fence-Climbing, Bush-Hiding
Posted on August 04, 2009I am not unsympathetic to the plight of the immigrant, legal or illegal, but I also think this is probably the right decision. The Ninth Circuit affirmed today the conviction of Javier Garcia-Villegas, who was convicted of illegally attempting to...
Mexican Navy Invades Cancun to Prevent Beach-Stealing
Posted on August 03, 2009In what is likely its most dramatic and successful operation to date, the Mexican Navy seized a beach in Cancun on July 30, not to retake it from a foreign enemy but to get the sand back. Tourists at the...
Bank Teller Fired For Catching Robber
Posted on August 03, 2009Jim Nicholson, a bank teller in Seattle, heroically chased and subdued a man who tried to rob his bank last Tuesday. On Thursday his employer, Key Bank, somewhat less heroically fired him. Nicholson was working when a man in sunglasses...
LucasFilm Employee Alleges She Was Called An "Ewok"
Posted on July 31, 2009From yesterday's report of filings in San Francisco Superior Court: Tabitha Totah v. Lucasfilm Entertainment Company Ltd., CGC-09-490959 (7/30/09) Employment complaint for race discrimination, sexual harassment and wrongful termination. The plaintiff was fired because, as her supervisor said, "You needed...
Judge Who Lost Pants Loses Another Suit
Posted on July 31, 2009It seems that our old friend Roy L. Pearson, Jr., he of the $65 million pants, has recovered sufficiently from losing that case to get on with losing another one. This one was a wrongful-termination lawsuit against the District of...
Swine-Flu Defense Fails In DUI Case
Posted on July 30, 2009Back in the day, as I recall, we blamed (or tried to blame) el Nińo for pretty much everything, but now it seems to be swine flu - I mean, the H1N1 virus. At least, blaming H1N1 is apparently all...
Punch Another Monopoly Player, Go Directly to Jail
Posted on July 30, 2009That headline is a little obvious, but it's really the only one for this story. Police in Fraser, Michigan, reported that a 54-year-old man assaulted a female friend with whom he was playing Monopoly on Saturday night. Police appeared to...
Another Animal-Attack Lawsuit Fails: Humans Now 0-5
Posted on July 29, 2009On Point News reports that last week, a West Virginia jury rejected the claims of a man who blamed his employer's negligence for injuries he suffered when he was attacked by a goose. Based on my studies of somewhat similar...
Judge Dismisses "Super American Grand Jury" Indictment Against Obama
Posted on July 28, 2009A federal judge in D.C. recently dismissed a grand-jury indictment charging President Obama with treason. You may not have been aware that the President had actually been indicted for treason, which normally would be fairly big news. But it appears...
Law Review Article Titles: Stop the Madness
Posted on July 27, 2009I know there are a lot of examples of this kind of thing out there, unfortunately, but I just happened to come across this one recently: YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDNEYING ME!: The Fatal Problem of Severing Rights and Remedies...
How to Avoid Jury Duty, #7: Die
Posted on July 24, 2009A woman in Arlington, Washington, said her husband would not be reporting for jury duty as ordered on June 24, because he had been dead since 2005. Finally, an absolutely ironclad excuse for getting out of jury duty. County officials...
Appropriate-Shoe-Motion Case Ends in Mistrial After Jurors Read About Motion
Posted on July 24, 2009A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a case in Florida in which the plaintiff's attorney had filed a motion to compel defense counsel to wear appropriate shoes. Bill Bone argued in the motion that it was "well known...
Man Has Perfectly Believable Story About Why He Was Naked In a Cemetery
Posted on July 23, 2009Oh, for the simpler times when we could all leave our doors unlocked, our phones weren't all tapped, and the authorities were less cynical and would accept at face value your explanations for why you were butt-naked in a cemetery...
Nevada Supreme Court to Pretend to Consider Bail for O.J.
Posted on July 21, 2009Nevada's highest court (and its only appellate court) will hear oral argument on August 3 as to whether O.J. Simpson should be allowed to go free on bond while he appeals his conviction for that gun-waving memorabilia negotiation he conducted...
Honesty Maybe Not The Best Policy If It Involves You And A 14-Year-Old
Posted on July 20, 2009In June, the Salt Lake Tribune reported that a 23-year-old driver who had been pulled over for failing to use his blinker was arrested after volunteering the fact that, in addition to not being so good with turn signals, he...
Lawyer Jailed for Contempt Is Freed After 14 Years
Posted on July 20, 2009Pennsylvania lawyer H. Beatty Chadwick either could not or really did not want to hand over the $2.5 million his ex-wife was awarded after their divorce, and he was prepared to go to jail for contempt rather than do so....
Senator Agrees To Do That Crack Cocaine Thing
Posted on July 17, 2009Possibly the high point of the Sotomayor hearings was this comment to a witness by Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Alabama): Sessions, in a casual tone, said "Mr. Henderson, It's good to work with you. Senator Leahy and I are talking during...
Saudi Arabian Family Sues Genie for Harassment
Posted on July 16, 2009There are probably some translation issues with this story, but so be it. According to Arabic news sources, which I of course read diligently, a family in Mahd al Dhahab, in western Saudi Arabia near Medina, filed a lawsuit in...
Man Fined After Altercation With Punching-Bag Machine
Posted on July 15, 2009On July 9, a court in Ireland fined a man 2,000 euros for damage he caused to a punching-bag machine he punched at a local festival. The court rejected his argument that he had acted only in anger after the...
Financial Crisis Comes Full Circle As Bank Sues Itself
Posted on July 14, 2009According to reports last week, Wells Fargo Bank NA is locked in a legal battle in Florida with an equally-matched opponent who will be almost impossible for it to defeat: itself. The Consumer Warning Network website reported on July 2...
Judge Finally Gets Around to Ruling on 26-Year-Old Case
Posted on July 13, 2009Recently, District Judge Ronald McPhillips of Toole County, Montana, ruled that James Rubow had not breached his agreement with Milan Ayers, who contended that Rubow owed him millions of dollars for improperly taking his share of a natural-gas field. This...
Appropriate-Shoe Motion Added To Lowering the Bar's Pleading Archive
Posted on July 10, 2009It seems appropriate to add the "Motion to Compel Defense Counsel to Wear Appropriate Shoes" (PDF) to the Archive of Useful Pleadings, and so I have. If you encounter any other pleadings (or court orders, opinions, etc.) that you think...
Motion to Compel Defense Counsel To Wear Appropriate Shoes
Posted on July 09, 2009Our lead trial counsel has a "lucky tie" that he wears every day (or at least he did during jury selection) even though it's getting a little threadbare. This is a fairly common habit among trial attorneys, and I haven't...
The Verdict is In: Juror Wanted to Go to Jackson Memorial
Posted on July 08, 2009As you may have heard, Michael Jackson passed away recently, and a memorial service for him was held on Tuesday here in Los Angeles. (I am normally located either in San Francisco or in my underground lair, but am in...
Gambler Appeals; Wants More of His Money Back From Casino
Posted on July 07, 2009A 67-year-old South Korean man who lost millions gambling is appealing a decision in which a court ordered a casino to pay him the equivalent of over $2 million (U.S.) in damages for allegedly turning a "blind eye" to his...
Yankees Fans Now Free to Move About During "God Bless America"
Posted on July 07, 2009Yesterday, the New York Yankees, the NYPD, and the city of New York settled a lawsuit filed against them by Bradford Campeau-Laurion after he was thrown out of Yankee Stadium last year. Campeau-Laurion said that he had gotten up to...
Terrorist Watch List No Obstacle to Bomb-Buyers, Says GAO
Posted on July 05, 2009The New York Times reported recently on a Government Accountability Office study finding that people whose names appear on the ginormous and ever-expanding "terrorist watch list" have had little trouble buying guns and explosives. The GAO found that those on...
Court: Man Burned at Burning Man Assumed Risk of Being Burned by Burning Man
Posted on July 02, 2009On June 30, the California Court of Appeal held that a man who was burned by the huge bonfire that ends the Burning Man festival each year could not sue the festival organizers. Anthony Beninati admitted he had intentionally walked...
DOJ Moves to Dismiss Geronimo Skull Suit
Posted on June 30, 2009Legal Times reported on June 12 that the Justice Department had moved to dismiss claims brought by a group of Native Americans who are hoping to recover Geronimo's remains. See "Geronimo's Descendants Sue to Get His Skull Back," Lowering the...
Meat Thieves Captured
Posted on June 29, 2009Police in Spokane, Washington, reported last week that they had arrested the ringleader of a meat-stealing operation that has plagued stores in the area for some time. Christopher Webber was booked last Thursday on charges of "leading organized crime...
Weapons Conviction Thrown Out Due to Counsel's Napping, Magazine Reading
Posted on June 25, 2009On June 15, a New York judge set aside a conviction on the grounds that the defendant's attorney had provided ineffective assistance of counsel. For future reference, your lawyer may be providing ineffective assistance if he or she is sleeping...
Tip: Reckless Nude Driving Apparently OK in Georgia
Posted on June 24, 2009I somehow came across a report last week discussing what sheriff's deputies and state troopers were doing in Ware County, Georgia, a rural county down near the Florida border, on the night of June 12 & 13. Sure, they came...
San Francisco Docket (June 2009)
Posted on June 23, 2009Here are a few cases filed in San Francisco Superior Court during the past couple of weeks. I hasten to add that, as with all my "docket reports" of this kind, I know nothing about these particular cases other than...
Beauties Behaving Badly
Posted on June 21, 2009As you all know, the world has been riveted in recent days by an ongoing struggle against oppression and injustice. Also, I think there is something going on in Iran. Here at home, tensions continued to escalate as Carrie Prejean,...
City Attorney Apologizes for Trash Can Incident
Posted on June 19, 2009Sometimes after a long week of legal work, a guy just needs to unwind, and then find a quiet place to catch up on much-needed rest. The gentleman pictured above has issued a public apology for the sleepytime incident, but...
City Workers Ordered to Wear Underwear
Posted on June 18, 2009Thinking about a vacation? Be sure to consider Brooksville, Florida (pop. 8,000). In addition to everything else Brooksville has to offer -- three city parks, a nine-hole golf course, and "an excellent library" -- Brooksville can now assure visitors that...
City Council Members Settle Legal Dispute Over Right to Parking Space
Posted on June 17, 2009In March, two members of the Oakland (California) City Council finally resolved an epic and high-stakes legal battle after a fight that lasted three months and spawned a legal opinion by the city attorney. The burning question: who was entitled...
British Manufacturers Offer Pointless Anti-Stab Knives
Posted on June 16, 2009Popehat reports that a British manufacturer is planning to offer "anti-stab" knives, driven by an increase in knife-related crime over the past few years in that relatively gunless land. The manufacturer said he had been inspired by a documentary in....
Foundation Announces 12th Annual Dumb-Warning List
Posted on June 15, 2009The Foundation for Fair Civil Justice, a tort-reform group, recently announced the winners of its 12th annual "Wacky Warning Label" contest. While I dislike the word "wacky" almost as much as "Ahmadinejad," they do come up with some very funny...
Crunch Berries: Reconsideration Denied
Posted on June 13, 2009I should have checked the docket again the other day when updating the saga of the Crunch Berries litigation. As I noted on Friday, the plaintiff had moved for reconsideration of the judge's decision to dismiss her case without leave...
UPDATE And Comment On The Crunchberry Litigation
Posted on June 12, 2009The tale of Janine Sugawara, the woman who sued the manufacturer of "Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries" for allegedly misleading her about the "berries," has turned out to be extremely popular, bringing literally tens of thousands of people to this...
Internet Blamed for Latest Face-Stealing Incident
Posted on June 11, 2009Just the other day I was writing (again) about the Case of the Taster's Choice Guy, a former model who posed for a picture in 1986, forgot about it, and sixteen years later happened to see his own face on...
No Right to Honk, Judge Tells Chicken Lady
Posted on June 10, 2009In a landmark First Amendment decision that will disappoint drivers everywhere, the Washington Court of Appeals has ruled that honking a car horn is not necessarily protected speech. As you might expect, the case arose from a dispute about chickens.....
Lawyer Charged With Billing During Sex
Posted on June 09, 2009As I think I have mentioned before, surprisingly few jurisdictions actually have rules making it unethical for an attorney to have sex with his or her client. It is never a good idea (okay, almost never), but often is not...
Jay Wexler's "Holy Hullabaloos" Book Published
Posted on June 08, 2009Just a heads-up that Jay Wexler's book, "Holy Hullabaloos: A Road Trip to the Battlegrounds of the Church/State Wars," has been published. Jay is a professor at Boston University School of Law, who teaches a variety of classes, including on...
Firm's Valiant Layoff-Spin Attempt Fails
Posted on June 05, 2009From the ABA Journal: "No Layoffs" at WilmerHale, But Firm Asks Some Lawyers to Find New Jobs Based on comments posted on the Journal's website, this seems to have fallen a little short of the mark in terms of reassurance....
UPDATE: Taster's Choice Case Goes to California Supreme Court
Posted on June 03, 2009The California Supreme Court is hearing argument today in the case of Russell Christoff, a former model who, in 2002, happened to notice his own face staring back at him from the label of a Taster's Choice jar, and sued...
Gambler Threatens to Sue the Venetian for Bad Feng Shui
Posted on June 02, 2009The Venetian casino in Las Vegas is reportedly being threatened with a lawsuit by a Taiwanese man, identified only as "Yuan" (which should really narrow it down), who blames "feng shui sabotage" for a two-million-dollar losing streak last year. According...
Reasonable Consumer Would Know "Crunchberries" Are Not Real, Judge Rules
Posted on June 02, 2009There are days every now and then when my actual legal work directly intersects with my blog work. This is one of those days. On May 21, a judge of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California...
Swords in the News
Posted on May 31, 2009Has anybody else noticed that the number of incidents involving one or more people wielding a sword seems to be on the increase? It could be that these have been going on all the time and that I have only...
"Disaster" Looms If Stronger Beer Allowed, Says Alabama Senator
Posted on May 29, 2009The Wall Street Journal reported on May 14 that a bill passed by the Alabama Senate would raise the amount of alcohol allowed in beer from 6% to 13.9%. The current six-percent limit means that many kinds of beer, such...
CORRECTION: Alabama Governor Signs Beer Law; Disaster Looms
Posted on May 29, 2009I am informed by Free the Hops representatives that Alabama Gov. Bob Riley has in fact signed House Bill 373, which raises the state alcohol limit for beer to 13.9 percent by volume. The state's limit was previously six percent,...
Handcuffing Leads to Divorce
Posted on May 28, 2009Robert Drawbaugh has filed for divorce from his wife, saying that their marriage had "broken down irretrievably." A warning sign: police had to rescue him in March after she handcuffed them together and started biting him. Despite the difficult situation,...
"Just Couldn't Take" The Boredom, Says Juror Who Went Home
Posted on May 27, 2009Jury duty may look interesting on TV, but then TV makes it look like it only lasts about ten minutes or so. Even the most interesting case involves a fair number of boring interludes, each of which typically lasts a...
Pringles Qualify as "Potato Chips," Court Rules
Posted on May 26, 2009Reversing a lower court's ruling that Pringles did not qualify as "potato chips" for purposes of taxation, Britain's Court of Appeals has held that they are, basically, close enough. This matters because if Pringles are considered "potato chips" - or...
When To Give Up Crime
Posted on May 23, 2009When you are beaten and subdued by two 19-year-old Hooters girls. This is a relatively clear sign that you are in the wrong line of work. Last month in Loganville, Georgia, a 40-year-old man saw two girls walk into a...
Missourians Elect Another Dead Man to Office
Posted on May 22, 2009In April, voters in Winfield, Missouri, elected Harry Stonebraker to a fourth term as mayor. He won an overwhelming victory, taking 90 percent of the vote. He had also been dead for about a month. Stonebraker died on March 11,...
More E-Mail Advice: Don't Reply to All, Know When to Quit, Use Capital Letters
Posted on May 22, 2009I have in the past violated the "no reply to all" rule, but usually (not always) I judged correctly that what I was sending was funny or useful enough that I would be forgiven. If not, I at least knew...
Compulsive Gambler Says Casino Enticed Him With "Lucky Money"
Posted on May 20, 2009Testifying this week in his case against Melbourne's Crown Casino, real-estate developer and compulsive gambler Harry Kakavas blamed the casino for causing him to lose $30 million (Australian) during a lengthy gambling spree in which he may have risked as...
More E-Mail Tyranny: No "Out-of-Office" Replies, Says Partner
Posted on May 19, 2009A partner in the London office of Cleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton has told lawyers in that office that it is unacceptable to fail to answer an e-mail message at any time, except possibly when a lawyer is on a...
No Text Messages While Testifying, Judge Rules
Posted on May 15, 2009Here's one to add to your list of Places Where Texting Is Not Appropriate: the witness stand. A judge in Miami declared a mistrial on Wednesday after he learned that a witness for the plaintiff in a property dispute had...
Trail of Chewing-Tobacco Spit Leads to Thieves
Posted on May 14, 2009In the latest episode of "CSI: Wisconsin," authorities tracked down two men accused of stealing a safe from a tavern in the town of Campbell by getting a DNA profile from the trail of chewing-tobacco spit they left behind them...
Ventura Discusses Cheney, Waterboarding, and Waterboarding Cheney
Posted on May 13, 2009Jesse Ventura, who said he was waterboarded as part of his military training, on whether torture works: I'll put it to you this way: You give me a waterboard, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I'll have him confess to...
No Trademark for Chippendales' "Cuffs & Collar," Board Rules
Posted on May 13, 2009The TTABlog, which covers actions by the Trademark Trial and Appeal Board, noted in March that that the TTAB had refused to allow registration of the "Cuffs & Collar" mark used by Chippendales. The TTAB ruled that the mark was...
Woman Sues Wal-Mart for Nutria Attack
Posted on May 11, 2009Reports last week stated that Rebecca White, of Abbeville, Louisiana, had sued Wal-Mart for injuries she allegedly suffered when a "large wild nutria" ran out from behind a rack of Coca-Cola products, causing her to run over her own foot...
Law Firm Party-School Rankings Released
Posted on May 10, 2009The latest U.S. News and World Report law-school rankings were released recently, with few surprises evident, but more interesting may be the recent party-law-school rankings released by the SubtleDig site. Those planning to "party" in law school in the same...
Mule Drivers Must Have Biometric ID, Says TSA
Posted on May 08, 2009The Transportation Security Administration, taking a break from its critical shoe-removal and water-bottle-disposal duties, has told the mule-skinners at Hugh Moore Park that they must comply with strict post-9/11 security measures by applying for high-tech biometric Transportation Worker Identification Credentials...
Man Sues for Right to Wear Skirt
Posted on May 06, 2009At least this gentleman is not asking for something ridiculous like three quadrillion dollars, or, given the facts of this case, three dollars. He just wants one dollar, and a ruling that he can freely wear his manskirt without fear...
Holy Spirit Lawsuits, Round Two
Posted on May 05, 2009Receiving the Holy Spirit seems to get more dangerous all the time. In at least two prior cases, worshippers injured in falls after being "taken by the spirit" have sued their churches for negligence, mostly claiming that the churches failed...
Texting in Court Equals Jail for Utah Woman
Posted on May 04, 2009A woman who sent two text messages from a Utah courtroom got 30 days in jail for contempt of court, sources reported recently. While pretty much every court prohibits the use of cellphones while court is in session, 15 days...
Dog-Scrotum Observation Preferable to Jury Service, Declares Citizen
Posted on May 01, 2009Continuing with the theme of ways to get out of jury service, here's one that was tried in January by Erik Slye, a busy citizen of Gallatin County, Montana. You may want to take this down and copy it onto...
I Pity the Fool Who Does Not Strike Mr. T From The Jury
Posted on April 30, 2009As I've mentioned before, one of the most popular searches that leads people to this site is something like "how to get out of jury duty," and here's the latest idea for that -- be Mr. T. T, born "Laurence...
New Swiss Law Aims to Halt Invasion of Naked Germans
Posted on April 27, 2009The canton of Appenzell Innerrhoden, located in northeastern Switzerland, has voted to ban nude hiking in an effort to deter naked Germans from tromping around their tiny mountain state. The incursion apparently began last autumn, when residents began encountering Germans...
People, Please Stop Hiding Things in Justice Breyer's Pants
Posted on April 22, 2009In my experience, people did sometimes stick things in my underwear. [laughter] Or, not my underwear . . . whatever. Whatever. I was the one who did it? I don't know. I mean I don't think it's beyond human experience....
Don Henley Sues Candidate to Stop Song Parodies
Posted on April 21, 2009Again we learn the lesson that suing somebody who's saying something you don't like is guaranteed to get them more publicity (often now called the "Streisand Effect"). This time the teacher is Don Henley, a founding member of The Eagles,...
Dog-Walking Controversy May Cost Couple Their Home
Posted on April 21, 2009Robert Wirth, Jr., and his wife, Sandra Blaker, are appealing a court's order directing them to pay over $40,000 in a case stemming from Wirth's insistence on walking their dog without a leash in violation of homeowners-association rules. The association...
Law Firms: Last Vestige of the Medieval Guild System?
Posted on April 20, 2009?In the current economic crisis, we see the final demise of the medieval guild in the American legal profession,? said Joel Henning, a law firm consultant at Hildebrandt International Inc. Carlyn Kolker, 'Medieval' U.S. Law Firm Pay Structure Buckles, Bloomberg...
Muslim Clerics Issue Cell-Phone Fatwa
Posted on April 18, 2009A panel of Muslim clerics in northern India have issued a fatwa prohibiting the use of cellphones, at least in certain un-Islamic ways. If they will extend this to the BlackBerry, I might be willing to convert. A fatwa, you...
Will Perry Mason Defend Himself?
Posted on April 17, 2009The Associated Press reported yesterday that Perry Mason had been charged with felony barratry in Texas, a crime that carries a penalty of up to ten years in jail. "Barratry" is the dastardly crime committed when a non-attorney solicits clients...
"Octomom" Seeks Trademark
Posted on April 16, 2009Nadya Suleman, also known as the "Octomom" for her amazing ability to give birth to eight offspring at once (or at least in rapid succession), has applied to trademark that nickname, according to reports on April 15. If she ever...
Kansas City Docket: Chips Ahoy
Posted on April 15, 2009Friends in the Midwest noticed this new case filing last week: Michael Rolf v. Kraft Foods, 4:09-cv-00270-FJG (W.D. Mo. filed 4/8/2009) Product liability complaint. The plaintiff got "high" after eating a box of Chips Ahoy cookies "with drugs in them...
Justice Thomas Still Fascinated by Dishwashers
Posted on April 14, 2009Speaking to a group of students on April 13 at a dinner sponsored by the Bill of Rights Institute, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas admitted that he is perpetually enthralled by the Miracle of the Dishwashing Machine: I have to...
Rambo Cupid Fires Arrows Around Minnesota Neighborhood
Posted on April 13, 2009Police in Burnsville, Minnesota, said that Kyle Fletcher went out onto his patio deck on April 3 with a powerful compound bow and fired several arrows into neighboring homes in an effort to impress a woman. Police found arrows embedded...
Note: Personal Sovereignty Claims Not Getting Any More Valid
Posted on April 10, 2009A remarkable number of people believe that most of one's legal troubles can be cured by declaring oneself to be an independent sovereign nation. Usually this has to do with tax issues, as we saw a while back when a...
What Not To Call 911 About, #3: Missing Shrimp
Posted on April 10, 2009Another entry for the possible new category on needless 911 calls. In August of last year, a Jacksonville man called 911 to complain that Subway did not make his sandwiches correctly. Just a few weeks ago was the 911 Call...
Another Lawsuit Fails to Unseat Obama
Posted on April 09, 2009Previously I wrote about Philip J. Berg, the lawyer who had sued to stop Obama from becoming president on the theory that Obama was not a "natural-born citizen," as the Constitution requires. That case was dismissed for lack of standing....
Fly With Your Pants Down, Lose Your License, Judge Rules
Posted on April 08, 2009An administrative-law judge has ruled that the FAA properly revoked the license of a man who allowed a sex act to be performed upon him as he flew a helicopter around San Diego. The judge cited the pilot's likely inability...
UPDATE: Former SF Official Gets Maximum Despite Brain Claims
Posted on April 03, 2009Former SF supervisor Ed Jew was sentenced today to 64 months in jail by a judge in SF federal court. Judge Susan Illston apparently rejected the claim that the defendant had been afflicted by childhood head injuries that first manifested...
Attorney for SF Official Says Extortion Scheme Caused by Childhood Head Injuries
Posted on April 03, 2009Here's an argument that Rod Blagojevich might want to take notes on, now that he has been very unsurprisingly indicted. Former San Francisco supervisor Ed Jew (who I'm going to refer to as "Ed" here in hopes of not appearing...
Drunk Motorcyclist Who Hit Wild Boars Awarded $8.6 Million
Posted on April 01, 2009I can't remember how many times I have tried to warn people that bad things were going to happen if we didn't tame our state's boars and train them to be alert for drunk drivers when crossing the street. Why...
DUI Charge for Driver of Motorized Bar Stool
Posted on March 31, 2009If you have been paying attention, you should know by now that you can be charged with driving under the influence no matter what sort of vehicle you are driving. In the past we have seen DUIs handed out to...
Man Who Attempted Suicide Sues Hospital That Saved Him
Posted on March 30, 2009If someone injures you while saving your life, can you sue them? Well, of course you can sue them, since you're not dead, but can you win? I guess so. Earlier this month, Michael Dexter was paid 90,000 pounds as...
Disgraced Attorney's Assets Included 100-Foot Yacht, Stupid-Looking Sculpture
Posted on March 27, 2009The New York Law Journal reports today on a list of Marc Dreier's assets compiled by Mark Pomerantz, the receiver appointed by the court to "locate, recover and safeguard" whatever Dreier and his firm had left out of the $400...
Tennessee Considers Low-Pants Bill
Posted on March 26, 2009Maybe the economy has recovered faster than we all thought, because otherwise it seems odd that legislatures would still be spending time on low-pants legislation. Tennessee is the most recent jurisdiction to devote energy to this vital issue. House Bill...
Ninety Days Is Sentence For "Suspicious Activity" With Vacuum
Posted on March 26, 2009A 29-year-old man who pleaded no contest last month to indecent-exposure charges has been sentenced to 90 days in jail, reports said today. The man was arrested last October after someone called police to report "suspicious activity" at a car...
Case Law Hall of Fame Addition: Denny v. Radar Industries
Posted on March 23, 2009Here's one that's pretty darn concise: J.H. GILLIS, Judge. The appellant has attempted to distinguish the factual situation in this case from that in Renfroe v. Higgins Rack Coating and Manufacturing Co., Inc. (1969), 17 Mich.App. 259, 169 N.W.2d 326...
Contract Written in Blood Still Not Binding, Says Court
Posted on March 20, 2009Attorneys in California who have been drafting contracts in blood, due to a belief that this will make the contract especially binding, should stop. Actually, attorneys anywhere who have been doing this should stop. As I noted back in 2007,...
Kentucky Dueling Update: Lawyers Also Must Take the No-Dueling Oath
Posted on March 16, 2009I wrote recently about a Kentucky law that required all "first responders" to take an oath swearing that they had never fought in a duel, causing me to wonder whether there had been a problem with first responders showing up...
Ohio Court Says It Can't Afford Any More Paper
Posted on March 16, 2009Things are tough all over, including in the nation's courthouses. A court in Ohio is so strapped for cash that it has announced that it will not accept new case filings starting today (March 16) because it only has enough...
Motion for New Trial Based on Juror's Twittering
Posted on March 14, 2009I have ranted enough about the soul-crushing lump of Satan's dung that some call the "BlackBerry," so let me move on now to demon-spawned Twitter, which appears to be the latest method of shattering humanity's collective ability to concentrate and/or...
Canadian Asks for Politeness, Gets Pepper Spray
Posted on March 13, 2009Canadian asks U.S. border guard to say "please," Canadian gets faceful of pepper spray. It's a fairly simple equation. I think this is in the USA PATRIOT Act, actually. The man conceded he had made the request for politeness "repeatedly,"...
Monks Brawl Over Jurisdiction at Tomb of Christ
Posted on March 13, 2009A while back, I saw a report that a bunch of monks had gotten into a brawl in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem. I was horrified -- well, not entirely -- at this breach of the peace...
Madoff Pleads Guilty, Goes Directly to Jail
Posted on March 12, 2009About Mr. Madoff's plea hearing, which took place today in U.S. District Court in New York, I'll just comment that if any of your defense attorney's statements are greeted with "loud laughter," and/or applause breaks out when bail is denied,...
Epic Trademark Battle Erupts Between Makers of Competing Fart-Sound Software
Posted on March 11, 2009I think my iPhone is a great invention, made even greater by the many software applications that you can download for it. But as 95 percent of my cable channels demonstrate, even the greatest inventions can be put to utterly...
Another Suit Alleges Negligent Laying-On-Of-Hands
Posted on March 10, 2009Here's a report of a lawsuit filed on March 2 in Superior Court in Oakland, California: Rev. Dr. Cheryl Elliott v. Randy Keyes; The United Pentecostal Church of Modesto; Does, No. RG09-438883 (Oakland Super. Ct. filed 3/2/2009) Negligence action. Defendant...
"We Will Get You," Store Promises Vinegar Thief
Posted on March 09, 2009The owner of the Newport Avenue Market in Bend, Oregon, is fed up with whoever has been stealing bottles of expensive balsamic vinegar from the market for over a year now. This is why a sign now hangs in the...
En Banc Rehearing Denied in Pants Case; Is Supreme Court Next?
Posted on March 07, 2009When we last saw Roy Pearson, he had filed a petition asking the full D.C. Court of Appeals to rehear his case en banc. As you likely recall, Pearson is the former judge who sued his dry cleaner for allegedly...
West Virginia Debating Barbie Ban
Posted on March 06, 2009Earlier this week, I learned (from the excellent blog, "Popehat") that West Virginia lawmaker Jeff Eldridge (D-Lincoln) had introduced a bill that would make it illegal to sell Barbie dolls in the state: A BILL to amend the Code of...
California Supreme Court Appears on Jumbotron
Posted on March 06, 2009Reasonable people can disagree as to whether cameras should be allowed in the courtroom. I personally think they should not, because cameras tend to make people do stupid things like wear Star Trek uniforms to court. But I am willing...
Golfer Sues Course After Hitting Himself With Ball
Posted on February 26, 2009The last golf-ball-strike case I reported on was Yoneda v. Tom, a 2006 case in which the Hawaii Supreme Court ruled that the plaintiff could not recover from the man who hit him in the eye with a golf ball...
Miley Cyrus Sued for Four Billion Dollars Over Picture
Posted on February 26, 2009If you've been closely following the career of Miley Cyrus, like I haven't, you may be aware of the controversy over a photo someone posted online of Miley and some friends making faces at the camera with two appearing to...
Santa Suit
Posted on February 25, 2009It appears that during the off-season, Santa is kept busy with legal matters, in addition to whatever it else he does while the elves are busy making all the toys for next year. Santa's lawyers are now dealing with the...
Quest for Driver's License Stretches Into Fourth Year
Posted on February 24, 2009Reuters News reported on Monday that Cha Sa-soon, a 68-year-old grandmother from South Korea, had failed her driver's test. Why is that news? Because she has now failed it 775 times. I guess it isn't news if you knew about...
Kentucky Prohibits First Responders From Dueling
Posted on February 23, 2009Originally, this post was about a debate over a Kentucky law that requires the state Office of Homeland Security to give God credit for being a vital member of its staff. Section 39G.010(2)(a) of the Kentucky Statutes requires the office's...
Nebraska Man Still Pursuing Lawsuit Against God
Posted on February 20, 2009When we last saw Ernie Chambers, his lawsuit against Almighty God accusing said deity of causing a variety of natural disasters, and seeking injunctive relief to prevent same, had just been dismissed. He has not given up, however.Chambers, who was...
Thief Wedgied
Posted on February 19, 2009Tighten your belt before trying to steal anything from the Brickyard Animal Hospital in Salt Lake, at least while Yvonne Morris is on duty. Police said Morris spotted a man breaking into a co-worker's car in the parking lot, and...
Geronimo's Descendants Sue to Get His Skull Back
Posted on February 19, 2009"We're tired of waiting and we're coming after them," said Harlyn Geronimo, a great-grandson of the famous Apache leader. Specifically, they're tired of waiting to get Great-Grandpa's skull back from the creeps at Yale who allegedly stole it almost a...
Official Suspected of Corruption Just Because He Owned Estate, Jet, Helicopter, Tiger, Blah, Blah, Blah
Posted on February 18, 2009None of the evidence against Juan Antonio Roca proved he engaged in any wrongdoing, said his lawyer, who did not explain how a city planner making $150,000 a year could afford two very large estates in Spain. Also not explained...
Firm Offers "60 Minute Divorce," Free Lunch Included
Posted on February 13, 2009The ABA Journal reports that the Brodsky Law Firm in New York is running ads offering a "60 Minute Divorce" package for $299 (court fees and costs not included). "Got an hour? Get a divorce!" For When You Can't Stand...
Grad Student Says He Will Sue Over Lost Collection of Lizard Dung
Posted on February 12, 2009"Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever," said Daniel Bennett about the 77 pounds of lizard dung somebody threw out while he was away from his lab. Bennett, a graduate student at Leeds University...
Man Has Cuffs Removed, Briefly, at Police Station
Posted on February 11, 2009I guess the police station is the logical place to go if you are trying to get some handcuffs off, although now that I say that, I think I would try a locksmith first. But, FYI, the police-station option is...
Author of "Why We Get Duped" Admits He Got Duped
Posted on February 10, 2009I guess it can happen to anybody, but still it is awfully ironic that the author of a book on the phenomenon of "gullibility" would later end up losing thirty percent of his life savings to Bernard Madoff's Ponzi scheme....
Australian Arrested for Pigeon, Eggplant Smuggling
Posted on February 10, 2009A man described as "an Australian pigeon fancier" was arrested in Melbourne on February 3 after customs officials found two birds in his pants. Officials said the man had wrapped each pigeon in a roll of newspaper and stuffed one...
"Lobster Gone Bad" Turns Out To Be Hoax
Posted on February 09, 2009A man in Amsterdam, New York, returned a lobster to his local Price Chopper supermarket on January 18, saying it was "bad." Employees said that Walter Tessier wanted to exchange the bad lobster for a bag of king crab legs....
Florida Driver Cited For Speeding, 49 Or So Other Violations
Posted on February 06, 2009Laying a claim to the title of World's Worst Driver, or maybe just Least Likely to Be Allowed to Ever Drive Again, 46-year-old Elvis Barrett racked up approximately 50 traffic citations in a brief period on the morning of February...
The Mysterious Piano, Captive-Audience Doctrine, and Other Assorted Items
Posted on February 05, 2009Groups opposed to the Australian government's plan to impose a mandatory filter on Internet access formed a new political party. The organizer of the "Australian Sex Party," Fiona Patten, said that party members were in agreement with the need to...
Class-Action Attorney Paid Just Like Class Members -- In Gift Cards
Posted on February 05, 2009The "coupon settlement" is a controversial practice by which a class action is settled in such a way that the class attorney gets his or her fee while the actual class members get only a coupon or gift card. This...
Thieves Grab Costumes for Late-Night Performance
Posted on February 03, 2009Last Sunday night or early Monday morning, a person or persons unknown stole a variety of costumes from a shop associated with the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. The items taken, worth about $5,000 in all, were intended for upcoming productions of...
Pro-Life Group Criticizes Doughnut Maker
Posted on February 03, 2009The American Life League, an anti-abortion/pro-life group, objected in January to a promotion that doughnut maker Krispy Kreme ran for Inauguration Day. The company had offered customers one free doughnut on January 20th, a donation it said was intended to...
Court Rejects Unabomber's Request to Get Unabombing Stuff Back
Posted on January 31, 2009Good news -- convicted "Unabomber" Ted Kaczynski, now serving a life term for murder, will not be getting back any of the unabomb-making materials that the FBI seized from his cabin in 1996. Kaczynski's cabin.Defense experts argued that Kacyznski's twisted...
Man Cited for "Riding White Horse in a Snowstorm"
Posted on January 30, 2009I put that in quotes only because it sounded to me like some kind of drug-related slang term, but in fact it was exactly what it describes. Police in Cody, Wyoming, said they cited a 28-year-old man on Sunday for...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Rod Blagojevich Has Left the Building
Posted on January 29, 2009And now, the end is near;And so I face the final curtain.My friend, I'll say it clear,I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.I've made my wallet fullBy selling each and every highway;But more, much more than this,I did it...
Blagojevich Now Giving "Closing Argument"
Posted on January 29, 2009Having refused to show up at what he called an unfair "kangaroo court," making the rounds of talk shows instead, soon-to-be-former Governor Rod Blagojevich said on Wednesday that he had decided he would make an appearance at his own impeachment...
Chicago Police Discover (Eventually) That 14-Year-Old Isn't Real Officer
Posted on January 28, 2009A Chicago boy has been charged with impersonating a police officer after he successfully impersonated a police officer for several hours, despite being only 14 years old. To clarify, he fooled other police officers, not just the public. The boy,...
God Made That Deposit, Says Couple Who Spent It
Posted on January 27, 2009Randy Pratt, who along with his wife is facing felony theft and conspiracy charges for spending $175,000 that their bank says didn't belong to them, told a court last week that they kept the money because they considered it "a...
One More View on the Oath of Office
Posted on January 26, 2009On FindLaw.com today, law professor Michael Dorf weighs in on the oath-of-office controversy. I was pleased to see that he reached pretty much the same conclusions as I did: that because of the Twentieth Amendment, the oath wasn't necessary to...
Sarcasm Not Helpful to Arrestee
Posted on January 23, 2009Here's a story that reminds us that if you're clearly going to get arrested anyway, you might as well lighten the mood a little with some good quips. This has to be done very carefully to be effective, however, and...
I Do Solemnly Swear That I Have Heard Enough About the Oath
Posted on January 22, 2009Just when you think American political discourse can't get any more trivial, and I often do, then it does. Get more trivial. You know what I mean. As you all likely know by now, President Obama took the oath of...
Tax Returns Are Hard, Says Federal Reserve Bank President
Posted on January 21, 2009According to a spokesman, the mistake Timothy Geithner made on his tax returns is a common one, and since he's corrected it and paid the $34,000 he owed, the matter should be considered closed. Our system is so complicated, said...
Transition
Posted on January 20, 2009From a New York Times blog today: The Bushes Depart | 12:56 p.m. The helicopter steps are folded up. The blade begins to rotate. The Obamas and Bidens are standing still, holding each other?s hands, as they watch the helicopter...
Inauguration Day Edition
Posted on January 20, 2009Good news for Obama supporters -- Myanmar's "top astrologer" is predicting not only that Obama will be elected to a second term, but also that he will not be killed during either one. "Obama will definitely be re-elected again," said...
Aquarium Stocked With Stolen Sea Creatures
Posted on January 19, 2009A 30-year-old New York man is being charged with grand and petit larceny for crimes he committed during the last two months. The grand larceny charge is for stealing a shark and the petit larceny is for swiping a moray...
Cranky Lady Who Kept Stray Football Sues for Emotional Distress
Posted on January 16, 2009Last October in Cincinnati, an 89-year-old woman who was sick of kids' toys ending up in her yard was arrested after she confiscated a stray football. According to Edna Jester -- and if I was going to make up a...
Serial Toilet Arsonist Continues to Terrorize San Francisco
Posted on January 14, 2009The person or persons unknown who have been setting fire to portable toilets in San Francisco has (or have) struck again, the SF Chronicle reports today. Since this is happening in San Francisco, we can assume it is some sort...
Restraining Order Entered After Christmas Wii Assault
Posted on January 13, 2009A New Hampshire judge refused Monday to lift an order that requires Randi Young, 24, and Heath Blom, 26, to stay away from each other. Both were arrested on Christmas Day after a Nintendo-Wii-related incident that allegedly turned violent. According....
Robbers "Overly Prepared," Says Guard Who Chased and Sat on Them
Posted on January 12, 2009The off-duty guard who captured two teenage robbers in New Zealand last month said he noticed them before the robbery began because they were overdoing their preparations a bit.Herman Sakaria was driving home from work when he saw the two...
Doping Scandal Strikes Sport of Kings, Dorks
Posted on January 12, 2009You can now add one to the list of sports tainted by scandal over the possible use of banned substances. If you think chess is a sport, anyway.The possibility of "doping" by international chess athletes got some publicity recently when...
Officials Say Pumpkin-Wearers Not In Compliance With Helmet Law
Posted on January 09, 2009Reports this week said that police in Nigeria have begun cracking down on taxi passengers who refuse to wear helmets as a new law requires. The helmets are required for passengers of what the article described as the hordes of...
Bay Area Docket (Jan. 6, 2009)
Posted on January 09, 2009A new case filed this week in SF Superior Court. I feel a little guilty about finding this hilarious, but I do: Thomas [redacted]., a minor, by his guardian ad litem v. Napa Valley Wine Country Tours; Shayne One; Richard...
It's Officially an "Ugly Divorce" If Somebody Wants a Kidney Back
Posted on January 08, 2009The breakup of any long-term relationship always involves some awkward moments where you have to split up the possessions you shared and decide who really owns what. It's awkward enough when you're talking about CDs. Much worse when somebody wants...
Bear Forced to Wear Wire in Custody Battle
Posted on January 08, 2009It's bad enough that our government is now routinely spying on us. Now you can't even trust stuffed animals. Last week, a Nebraska man sued his ex-wife, her father, and the woman's former law firm for allegedly hiding a recording...
Pearson Returns; Seeks En Banc Hearing in Pants Case
Posted on January 06, 2009Today brings the expected but still welcome news that former administrative judge Roy Pearson is still pursuing his case against the dry cleaners who allegedly lost his pants (shown, left, at a post-trial fundraiser in their honor). This is despite...
University, Manufacturer Sued After "Musical Chairs" Injury
Posted on January 06, 2009From today's report of newly filed San Francisco cases: Jason Miller v. Academy of Art University; Academy of Art University Foundation; Stephens Institute Inc.; Elisa Stephens; Scott Stephens; Samsonite Corporation; Does12/31/2008 CGC-08-483694 Complaint for negligence, products liability and premises liability...
Bail Granted On Condition Defendant Wear Underwear
Posted on January 06, 2009Ben Hana, a homeless resident of Wellington, New Zealand, is known locally (although not very creatively) as "Blanket Man" because he goes around wrapped in a blanket. Hana was arrested on December 23 on allegations of cannabis possession and indecent...
2008 Lowering the Bar Awards
Posted on January 02, 2009Now that 2008 is over, we can finally close the books on it and maybe try to evaluate some of the nonsense spawned during it. The following are my selections for those people and/or events that may have Lowered the...
Legislation That Comes Back to Bite You
Posted on January 02, 2009Tim Smith has just been trying to help, but as always, no good deed goes unpunished.Smith witnessed a car accident Monday as he was riding his bike to the beach. (This happened in Fort Lauderdale, where people are still doing...
I'm Sorry, Doctor, But What Did You Say Your Name Was?
Posted on December 31, 2008This item has been sitting in my file since I first saw it over a year ago, patiently waiting for me to come up with some legal angle to justify posting it here. I still don't see how to do...
Car-Wash Robber Has a Very Bad Day
Posted on December 30, 2008Times are tough all over, tough enough that some have turned to crime who really have no aptitude for it. For example, the masked gentleman who tried to rob the Washman Autospa in Portland on December 30 Authorities said that...
Blagojevich Mocked in Furniture Ad
Posted on December 29, 2008This excellent ad appeared in the Chicago Tribune on Thursday. It's not clear whether this was originally called the "Senate Sofa," or they renamed it to take advantage of the opportunity. But who cares? I know Blagojevich insists he can...
Your Drinks Made Me Beat My Wife, Says Plaintiff
Posted on December 29, 2008In December 2006, Yoichi Shimamoto punched his wife in the face not long after they got off a plane in San Francisco. That, of course, was United Airlines' fault.The Shimamotos -- puncher and punchee -- have now sued the airline...
No End in Sight to Feud Among Rival Santa Groups
Posted on December 26, 2008Maybe I haven't been paying enough attention, but it seems like there was a lack of Santa-related legal stories this season (comical ones, anyway), at least compared to years past. This one may (or may not) make up for that...
Amish Object to Putting "Mark of the Beast" On Cattle
Posted on December 22, 2008The U.S. Department of Agriculture recently moved to dismiss a lawsuit filed by a group of Amish farmers who object to putting the "mark of the Beast" on their cattle. The specific "mark" they are worried about is a radio-frequency...
Court Approves Serving Lawsuit Via Facebook
Posted on December 19, 2008Better take a close look at all those "friend" requests you've been getting. One of them might be a process server. This week, an Australian court approved a lawyer's request to serve two defendants with a lawsuit by sending them...
Legislation Breaks Out During Brawl in South Korean Assembly
Posted on December 19, 2008I love a good legislative fight. Not the kind where they debate stuff -- the kind where everybody ends up involved in an actual bench-clearing brawl. Unfortunately for C-SPAN's ratings, these things only seem to happen overseas. Last May, I...
D.C. Court of Appeals Rejects Appeal in $54 Million Pants Case
Posted on December 18, 2008With great sadness I must report that the D.C. Court of Appeals has ruled against former judge Roy Pearson, so there will be no new trial on his claim that his dry cleaners lost a pair of his pants. Pearson...
Court: Pearson's Claim "Not Supported by Law or Reason"
Posted on December 18, 2008I've now had a chance to skim the D.C. Court of Appeals' opinion in Pearson v. Chung (PDF copy at the link below). It is surprisingly light on mockery or outrage about Pearson's pointless legal quest, although it is, unsurprisingly,...
Iraqi Shoe-Thrower Evolving Into Mythic Hero Symbol
Posted on December 17, 2008The story of the journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush the other day has now become entirely surreal, with the shoe-thrower being hailed as a hero throughout the Muslim world, and the shoe itself adopted by crowds as...
Burglar Says He Was Trapped In Home By "Supernatural Figure"
Posted on December 17, 2008A Malaysian newspaper reported last weekend that a couple had returned from a trip to find an exhausted, dehydrated and terrified burglar inside their home. The man, who the couple reportedly found "clasping his hands in an apologetic gesture for...
Breath Tests Demanded for Australian Legislators
Posted on December 16, 2008Australian newspapers, and some members of Parliament, called this month for legislators there to be subjected to periodic breath tests. The calls were prompted by a series of incidents in which drunken legislators have embarrassed themselves and the government...
Bush Survives Shoe Barrage During Baghdad Press Conference
Posted on December 15, 2008Sources said President Bush was resting comfortably after narrowly escaping injury at a press conference in Baghdad on Sunday night. The president, on a surprise visit to the Iraqi capital, was surprised to find a shoe being thrown at him...
UPDATE: Urlacher's Toenail Accuser Has Lied Before
Posted on December 14, 2008A couple of weeks ago I wrote about allegations that Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher has been painting his three-year-old son's toenails blue and otherwise causing him gender confusion. I was reminded recently that Urlacher's accuser, Tyna Marie Robertson, has a...
Thief Unwisely Tries to Steal Law Student's Laptop
Posted on December 12, 2008A burglar learned the dangers of trying to come between a first-year law student and his case notes in an incident on November 6 at Arizona State University. Alex Botsios told police he woke up to find that a man...
Batman Reportedly Planning to File Bat-Complaint
Posted on December 11, 2008Variety Magazine reported last month that the mayor of Batman, a city in southeastern Turkey, is preparing a lawsuit against Warner Bros. and Christopher Nolan, the director of the two most recent "Batman" movies. The mayor alleges that the filmmakers...
Single-Equity-Partner Structure Poses Risk, Says Magazine
Posted on December 10, 2008"Dreier Troubles Show Danger of Single-Equity-Partner Structure," says a headline on the ABA Journal's site today.One such danger: the single equity partner gets locked up for fraud.This was in connection with the arrest of Marc Dreier, of the Dreier Law...
"Chinese Democracy" Criticized by Chinese Government
Posted on December 10, 2008After 17 years of working on it, Axl Rose is finally happy with the new Guns N' Roses album, "Chinese Democracy." Surprisingly, the Chinese government is less pleased.Websites and searches related to the album were reportedly blocked throughout China after...
Cardboard Criminals, or, Paper Perpetrators
Posted on December 08, 2008On December 3, authorities in Reading, Pennsylvania, reported that a man disguised as a paper plate tried to rob a local gas station. According to a report in the Morning Call, "[t]he caper began near Reading when a man wearing...
The Tale of Blackie the Talking Cat: Miles v. City Council (1982)
Posted on December 06, 2008Here's another one for the Case Law Hall of Fame.The question in this case was whether the city of Augusta, Georgia, could impose an "occupation tax" on the plaintiffs under the circumstances. The circumstances were that plaintiffs owned a talking...
O.J.'s Sentencing Speech Causes Spectators to Weep, Judge to Reverse Conviction
Posted on December 05, 2008Wait, I'm reading this wrong -- turns out he was the only one weeping, and the judge didn't buy his bullsh*t for a second. He got 15 years in prison. I stand corrected. O.J. Simpson did address the court this...
Lap Dancing "Not Stimulating," Says Chairman of Lap Dancing Association
Posted on December 05, 2008Testifying before a British parliamentary commission last week, Simon Warr insisted that additional regulation of the industry he and his colleagues operate is unnecessary, and that most people just don't understand what their business is really all about...
"She Wasn't Driving Like a Christian," Says Driver Who Rammed Car
Posted on December 04, 2008A driver who rammed another car at high speed outside San Antonio last week told police that Jesus had told him to do so because the other motorist was not "driving like a Christian."In my experience, He is usually satisfied...
Harvard Professor Opines on Scalia's "Gollywaddles"
Posted on December 03, 2008Last month, Jay Wexler spoke to noted language expert Steven Pinker and asked him where Justice Scalia might have come up with the term "gollywaddles," which Scalia used during oral argument this term in FCC v. Fox Television Stations. Wexler...
Sarkozy Wins One Euro in Voodoo-Doll Case; Doll Will Remain on Sale
Posted on December 02, 2008French president Nicolas Sarkozy has triumphed in his legal battle against a company that is marketing a book and voodoo doll using his image, reports said this week.He has been awarded one euro. In October, Sarkozy's lawyer sent the company...
China Executes Fraudulent Ant-Breeder
Posted on December 01, 2008In another reminder not to do anything at all wrong in China, state media reported last week that a businessman who had been convicted of fraud in connection with a "bogus ant-breeding scheme" had been executed. The Xinhua News Agency...
Taco Bell Lawyers Disrespectin' 50 Cent
Posted on November 28, 2008Lawyers for Taco Bell are accusing rapper 50 Cent of using his trademark-infringement lawsuit against the company for ulterior motives.Cent filed the lawsuit back in July after the company sent out a letter suggesting that it would donate $10,000 to....
Bears Linebacker Accused of Painting Son's Toenails Blue
Posted on November 27, 2008Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears continues to not get along with his ex-wife and/or baby mama, Tyna Robertson. In court this week after the parties filed cross-motions on custody issues, Robertson said that she has not been allowing Urlacher...
"White Line Fevers From Mars": Norman v. Reagan (1982)
Posted on November 26, 2008In this opinion from 1982, a judge dismissed Kent © Norman's complaint against Ronald Reagan, then President of the United States. (It wasn't clear whether he claimed a copyright in "Kent" or had changed his middle name to ©.) While...
SF Bay Area Docket (Nov. 2008)
Posted on November 25, 2008The following cases were filed in San Francisco Bay Area courts during the past two weeks: Wendell Joost Jr. v. Guerneville Business Corp. dba Russian River Resort; et al., No. SCV243949 (filed 11/12/2008) Action for nuisance and trespass. The plaintiff...
Note to Self: No Grocery-Store Carjackings This Holiday Season
Posted on November 24, 2008The reason: grocery shoppers are likely to be toting heavy frozen turkeys, which could easily be used as weapons. This lesson comes to you from Raleigh, North Carolina, where "authorities say a shopper clubbed an alleged carjacker with a frozen...
2008 California Bar Exam Results
Posted on November 24, 2008The results of the most recent California bar exam were announced last Friday. This year, the examiners let 61.7 percent pass -- the highest pass rate since 1997. So, if you passed (in California or elsewhere), congratulations. If you didn't...
"Borat" Lawsuits Unsuccessful
Posted on November 21, 2008Good news for "Borat" (and for "Bruno," who will apparently be featured in Sasha Baron Cohen's next movie) -- every case filed to date by people unhappy with the way they were depicted in the film has been dismissed. The...
Monty Python Fights Piracy With New YouTube Clips
Posted on November 20, 2008In a great new development, which they say is aimed at defeating piracy, ending the spate of "crap quality videos" people are posting on YouTube, and selling more stuff, Monty Python has established its own YouTube channel featuring videos of...
DHS Says Scanners Successfully Detect "Mal-Intent"
Posted on November 19, 2008Amid all the post-election [euphoria]/[depression] (choose one), it should not be forgotten that, behind the scenes, the Department of Homeland Security is still quietly on the job. And that is still terrifying. The DHS reported recently that tests of its...
Road Rage Getting Medieval
Posted on November 18, 2008While there are far too many road-rage incidents involving firearms, it is heartening to know that in at least some cases, men are still using the more honorable melee weapons with which their forefathers brutalized each other, back when "road...
Swedish Parliament Intervenes in Birthday-Party Dispute
Posted on November 17, 2008While Sweden's parliament was on the right side of this dispute, you would think it might have more important things to do than get involved in a fight over who should be invited to an eight-year-old's birthday party. I know...
UPDATE: Settlement Reached in N.C. Dirty-Dancing Case
Posted on November 14, 2008The long legal battle between the town of Marshall, North Carolina, and the woman it banned from its dance hall for overly provocative dancing, has finally ended. The town agreed to pay Rebecca Willis $275,000 to settle the case. This...
Firm Fires Managing Partner Via Note on Chair
Posted on November 13, 2008Ah, there's nothing like the close-knit camaraderie of a law-firm partnership. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers (please consider said term to include sisters); for he that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; and...
Swiss Government Demands Respect for Plant Dignity
Posted on November 13, 2008The Wall Street Journal reported in October that an ethics committee in Switzerland has interpreted that country's constitution to require respect for the dignity of plant as well as animal life. Among the committee's conclusions: it is "morally impermissible" to...
Convictions Reversed Due to Judicial Sleeping
Posted on November 12, 2008In a dramatic reversal of a ruling I reported on last year, the High Court of Australia has overturned the convictions of two men because the judge in their trial slept through much of the proceedings. An appellate court had...
A Quote That Might Possibly Describe A Law-Firm Associate But Is Actually About John Stuart Mill
Posted on November 11, 2008He was such a demon for work that, growing overheated through feverish memo-writing, he would gradually strip off his clothes and work gravely at his stool without waistcoat or pants, as his colleagues watched in prim Victorian wonder. Link: Adam...
"Confusion Flakes" Cited As Grounds for Reversal
Posted on November 11, 2008Here's something I came across the other day while doing some research. After he was found liable for fraud, among other things, John Ryan appealed but presented little in the way of legal arguments or authority in his appellate briefing....
Survivor of Attempted Vehicular Homicide Sued for Car Damage
Posted on November 10, 2008A 17-year-old boy who was hit by a car and then abandoned by the driver has been sued for the damage his body negligently caused to the car.As we saw a while back (here and here) this shameful practice of...
Councilman Says He's Done Drinking, Urinating on Crowds From Balconies
Posted on November 10, 2008A Jersey City councilman says he has "resolved not to touch alcohol again" after being accused of urinating on a crowd of concertgoers from a nightclub balcony last week. Steve Lipski did not admit the conduct, which allegedly took place...
What Would You Name a Magazine for Women Litigators?
Posted on November 07, 2008If you said "Sue," you win. Or, at least, you have guessed correctly - you don't win anything. The ABA Journal reported recently that a new magazine with the excellent name, "Sue: For Women in Litigation," will launch in January....
Lawyer Says Client's Tax Problems Caused by LFS: "Late-Filing Syndrome"
Posted on November 07, 2008In October, the lawyer for a man who did not pay taxes or file returns for five years said that his client had been unable to do so because he suffers from a medical condition called "Late-Filing Syndrome," which renders...
Supreme Court Debates 'F-Bomb'
Posted on November 06, 2008Though no one ever actually dropped it, the "F-Bomb" was the main topic of conversation during Supreme Court arguments Tuesday in FCC v. Fox Television Stations. The case is on appeal from a Second Circuit decision that the FCC acted...
Election Update II: Biting the Dream
Posted on November 05, 2008As some of you may have heard, Barack Obama was elected President last night. The news was received with angst by some, but with enthusiasm by many, even abroad in countries that Obama may one day be forced to bomb....
Election Update #1
Posted on November 04, 2008Election Day is here, at long last. As always, there are crucial issues at stake on San Francisco's ballot. Perhaps the most important, of course, is whether the city will rename what is currently the "Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant"...
Attorney Says Client Killed In Self-Defense; Dismemberment Harder to Explain
Posted on November 03, 2008The attorney representing a Fresno man accused of killing a gang member said last Wednesday that his client had simply acted in self-defense after the victim forced his way into the client's home. At a press conference, David Mugridge described...
UPDATE: Supreme Court Denies Motions for Divided Argument
Posted on October 31, 2008The Supreme Court did take up the "emergency" motions for reconsideration in the Carcieri case at its Friday conference today, and denied them. That means it will not decide whether Joe Larisa or Ted Olson gets to argue for the...
Supreme Court May Decide Supreme Court Argument Argument
Posted on October 31, 2008The furious (and now completely ridiculous) battle over which attorney gets to argue Carcieri v. Kempthorne for the petitioners in the Supreme Court continues to rage, and it now looks like it may be resolved by the Court itself on...
Florida Low-Pants Crackdown Implicates Few
Posted on October 30, 2008Police reports posted today show that attempts to enforce a Florida ordinance against saggy pants have been less fruitful than sponsors may have hoped. In the nine weeks since enforcement of the Riviera Beach ordinance started, police have arrested and/or...
TSA Fails to Detect Box Cutters, Inflatable Yasir Arafat Dolls
Posted on October 29, 2008In the November issue of the Atlantic, Jeffrey Goldberg offers more evidence that airport security is mostly to make it seem like somebody is doing something, and is not in fact protecting you much:[B]ecause I have a fair amount of...
Attorneys Bicker Over Supreme Court Argument, Coin-Toss Rules
Posted on October 29, 2008As November draws near, most of the country is debating who will get to sit in the Oval Office; but over in a corner of the highest level of the American legal community, the fight is over who will get...
Woman Arrested for Cybermurder
Posted on October 28, 2008A 43-year-old woman in Tokyo has been arrested for killing her husband, although they weren't legally married, she didn't really kill him, and he isn't really dead.The two had only met online, as part of a popular interactive game called...
D.C. Court Hears Argument in Appeal of Pants Case
Posted on October 23, 2008Roy Pearson Jr., who is on the verge of getting his own category here, was in the D.C. Court of Appeals on October 22 to argue for the reinstatement of his $54-million lawsuit against the dry cleaners who he says...
ACLU Successfully Defends Woman's Right to Swear
Posted on October 23, 2008Sources are reporting that Dawn Herb, who as you may recall was cited for disorderly conduct in 2007 after a neighbor heard her swearing at her toilet, has settled her lawsuit against the city of Scranton, Pennsylvania. Ms. Herb, who...
French President Threatens to Sue Voodoo-Doll Maker
Posted on October 22, 2008French President Nicolas Sarkozy, shown here getting angry at some Europeans about something, has threatened to sue a company that has been marketing a Sarkozy voodoo doll. The doll bears a number of colorful quotes from the outspoken statesman (such...
Yet Another Comical Case Name
Posted on October 21, 2008This one may take you a little while to get through, but it's worth it: United States v. International Brotherhood of Teamsters, Chauffeurs, Warehousemen and Helpers of America, AFL-CIO; Commission of La Cosa Nostra; Anthony Salerno, also known as Fat...
Clarification: Monkey v. Ape
Posted on October 20, 2008While I dearly wish that "Monkey v. Ape" was the name of a reported case, or maybe something you might be able to see on pay-per-view, here I am using the phrase to refer to a question raised this weekend...
Father Has Son Prosecuted for Laziness
Posted on October 18, 2008The Nigerian state news agency reported on October 17 that a frustrated father had hauled his 20-year-old son into court and asked that the boy be prosecuted for idleness. The person who sent me this item said he has printed...
Faked Evidence Fails to Conceal Ape's Whereabouts
Posted on October 17, 2008A California man is in trouble again after failing to comply with a court order to give up his monkey and doctoring evidence to make it appear he had done so. Authorities said David Grigorian pleaded guilty earlier this year...
Fashion Heir Fights Like "Man Possessed" on Air France Flight
Posted on October 17, 2008Mathias Guerrand-Hermčs, described as the "heir to French fashion house Hermčs" and a "transatlantic polo organizer and financier," whatever that means, was arrested for air rage on October 16 after a drunken mid-air brawl. The fight ended with Guerrand-Hermčs cuffed...
. . . And Equal Time to the Other Guy
Posted on October 16, 2008Since I posted an admittedly unfair but comical photo of Senator McCain, in the interest of neutrality here's an admittedly unfair but comical photo of Senator Obama too: Everybody looks stupid in bowling shoes, but this may have been the...
Why We Wait For All Cameras to Leave the Room
Posted on October 16, 2008You have to sympathize with someone letting off a little steam after what had to be an incredibly stressful event, but still: Turns out McCain was just reacting to having started to walk off stage in the wrong direction, but...
Well, It Sounded Like "Rodent" to Me
Posted on October 16, 2008From the archives, here's an appellate ruling on a claim of error by the defendant, Mr. Roden: "Appellant asserts that the prosecutor referred to him as 'Mr. Rodent' on at least three occasions. This claim is unsupported by the record."...
Case Against God Dismissed; Plaintiff Considering Appeal
Posted on October 16, 2008Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers suffered a setback this week in his lawsuit against God, when a Douglas County judge dismissed the case. Judge Marlon Polk said Chambers had produced no evidence that he had been able to accomplish service...
Florida Couple Secedes
Posted on October 15, 2008Apparently not knowing that their entire state tried this about 150 years ago, and that it turned out badly, Florida couple Joel and Donna Brinkle have declared themselves independent and claim they are not subject to the authority of the...
"Mail Goggles" Designed to Prevent Regrettable Emails
Posted on October 14, 2008Here's another great idea being tested by Google Labs. As many of you may know from bitter experience, the well-known phenomenon of "drunk dialing" has been partly replaced by drunk emailing, although the latter is worse because the email evidence...
"Lowering the Bar" in Vegas
Posted on October 13, 2008Thanks to everyone at my firm, Shook, Hardy and Bacon, for letting me do the live version of "Lowering the Bar" at our firm's retreat this past weekend in Henderson, Nevada (just outside Vegas), and for not throwing anything especially...
Cast of Thousands Fails to Generate "Plain English" Order
Posted on October 09, 2008Here's another one from the archives:[The Court asked counsel to] prepare a "plain English" version of the injunctive order, which the Court could then substitute for the somewhat convoluted order still in place. . . . In response, [counsel] submitted...
Court Dismisses Claim Alleging That Plaintiff Had Less Fun As Brunette
Posted on October 09, 2008A judge in Connecticut has granted summary judgment in favor of L'Oreal, dismissing the claims of a woman who alleged emotional distress due to becoming a brunette. Charlotte Feeney claimed that she bought a tube of permanent hair color in...
Italian Lawyer Changed Places With Twin; Both Charged With Fraud
Posted on October 08, 2008The last identical-twin-swap story I wrote about involved two sisters who changed places when one had a final exam and a probation hearing on the same day. That got them in trouble, but at least they weren't lawyers. Italian newspapers...
Touched by an Angel
Posted on October 07, 2008In court papers filed last week, attorneys for John LaVoie, pastor of the "Church of Liberty" in Tucson, Arizona, argued that the civil-forfeiture proceeding against LaVoie is unconstitutional because it violates his right to freedom of religion. Specifically, they said...
O.J. Simpson Convicted of Murder
Posted on October 05, 2008He was actually charged with stealing some footballs, and I suppose it is possible that this jury was upset about that crime. Remotely possible. Still, note to self: if acquitted of double murder in controversial case, avoid writing book called...
Mascot Badgerer Pleads Guilty
Posted on October 02, 2008I can understand not wanting to leave Shea Stadium, but don't take it out on the mascot. A 32-year-old man who was accused of harassing "Mr. Met" at a game back in May has pleaded guilty, the NY Daily News...
I Am Sorry
Posted on October 01, 2008I am sorry that Mr. Murphrey had to go through what he describes in this letter. I am sorry that attorneys sometimes act unprofessionally and even childishly. I am sorry that I did not have a chance to post this...
Superbad Popcorn Lawsuit Dismissed
Posted on October 01, 2008A judge in Manhattan Civil Court has dismissed a lawsuit filed by a man who claimed he hurt his tooth on an unpopped popcorn kernel while watching "Superbad" last year. Steve Kaplan had sued the AMC-Lincoln Square Cinema where he...
Woman In Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct
Posted on September 30, 2008According to reports, a woman in Middletown, Ohio, was charged with disorderly conduct on Monday for a string of disturbances she caused while wearing a cow suit. The woman allegedly chased children around her neighborhood, urinated on a neighbor's front...
What Could Possibly Explain the Market Crisis?
Posted on September 30, 2008Now that the bailout has gone down in flames, and the nation's soup kettles are starting to heat up, it is worth taking a moment to wonder why so many people seem to be wondering how this all came about....
"Seinfeld" Episode Used to Illustrate Duty of Good Faith
Posted on September 30, 2008Admitting he was "perhaps an unlikely legal illustrator," the Maryland Court of Appeals recently cited Jerry Seinfeld to illustrate the contractual and fiduciary duty of "good faith." The case, Clancy v. King, is not especially notable otherwise, except maybe because...
Another Option for Keeping Control of Your Courtroom: Duct Tape
Posted on September 29, 2008Here's another one from the archive, showing why it's a bad idea to cause a Texas judge to lose his patience with you: (Whereupon, the following proceedings were held outside the presence and hearing of the jury.) COURT: All right....
Still More Comical Case Names
Posted on September 29, 2008Schmuck v. United States, 489 U.S. 705 (1989). United States v. Approximately 64,695 Pounds of Shark Fins, No. 05-56274 (9th Cir. Mar. 17, 2008).
Millionaire Claims Ghosts Caused Him to Flee His Mortgage, I Mean Mansion
Posted on September 26, 2008I wrote that post yesterday about Stambovsky forgetting that I also had this one in the pipeline. I was sort of kidding about that case coming in handy for those who might need a reason to bail out of a...
More Comical Case Names
Posted on September 25, 2008Now added to this growing list: Easter Seals Society for Crippled Children v. Playboy Enterprises, 815 F.2d 323 (5th Cir. 1987). Julius Goldman's Egg City v. United States, 464 U.S. 814 (1983). I Am The Beast Six Six Six of...
Case Law Hall of Fame: "As a Matter of Law, the House is Haunted"
Posted on September 25, 2008Here's a worthwhile addition to the Hall of Fame that may just come in handy these days as well. In Stambovsky v. Ackley, New York's Appellate Division held in 1991 that a homebuyer could try to get out of a...
Man With 86 Wives Will Have 86 Lawyers
Posted on September 25, 2008Human-rights groups in Nigeria say they have "mobilized" dozens of lawyers to help defend a man who has been threatened with death for having too many wives. Bello Masaba, a preacher from the town of Bidda, in a Muslim majority...
Attorney Who Bartered With Stripper Client is Suspended
Posted on September 24, 2008In October, Illinois attorney Scott Erwin will begin a 15-month suspension that was imposed by the state bar for alleged misconduct involving a client. A female client who worked as an exotic dancer charged that Erwin had touched her inappropriately....
Florida Cops Taser Naked Dog-Walker; Claim It Was "The Only Way"
Posted on September 23, 2008Some say that Tasers are a step forward because it is good for police to have more non-lethal options, while some argue that they are too risky because police tend to resort to the Taser even when it isn't really...
Draft Law Precludes Any Review of Government Bailout Decisions
Posted on September 22, 2008Here's my summary (which I know you've been waiting for) of the proposed mortgage-bailout legislation: The Secretary of the Treasury is authorized to purchase "mortgage-related assets from any financial institution having its headquarters in the United States...
Inmate Sues For Injuries Sustained During Escape Attempt
Posted on September 22, 2008In January, Scott Gomez Jr. sued officials in Colorado after he was injured at the Pueblo County jail. More specifically, he was injured while trying to escape from the Pueblo County jail. But if you're thinking that he claimed in...
Amusing Case Names, #1
Posted on September 22, 2008Vacation (or the impending end of it, anyway) is also a good excuse to clean out the archives. Here's a case name I always liked: United States v. 11 1/4 Dozen Packages of Articles Labeled in Part Mrs. Moffat?s Shoo-Fly...
McCain Ruled (Probably) Natural-Born U.S. Citizen
Posted on September 19, 2008Another issue I was writing about last month was the continuing uncertainty over what it takes to be a "natural-born citizen," which is a constitutional limitation on who can serve as President. Both campaigns have now survived at least one...
Good Reason to Kill #59: Insisted on Riding "Shotgun"
Posted on September 19, 2008This doesn't beat #23 (Used the Last Roll of Toilet Paper) or #47 (Argued Over Yahtzee Rules), and it was only an attempted killing, but it does deserve to be on the list. On September 16, police in Shreveport, Louisiana,...
Americans Still Struggling With Pants
Posted on September 18, 2008I'm back from Greece, without much to report in terms of legal developments there, at least during the last 2500 years or so. Not that they didn't come up with some interesting stuff, like ostracizing unpopular politicians for ten years...
First Arrest for Baggy-Pants-Ordinance Violation
Posted on September 15, 2008If anyone has noticed the reduced number of posts here lately, that is only because I am in Greece on vacation and the Internet here apparently operates by mule. In a few days I should be back in the country...
Goats Freed From Congo Jail
Posted on September 10, 2008A herd of goats has managed to escape justice after a government official found them sitting in jail in Kinshasa, capital of the Democratic Republic of Congo. Deputy Justice Minister Claude Nyamugabo said he was on a routine visit to...
"Heated," "Tense" Proceedings in Battle Over Cost of Hilary Duff's Birthday Party
Posted on September 07, 2008In case you haven't been closely following the domestic life of the Duff family, the parents of pop stars Hilary and Haylie Duff are getting divorced, a process that they have apparently been engaged in for many years. The latest...
Start Your Legal Plate Collection Today
Posted on September 04, 2008Do you have a complete set of Jose Arcadio Klein's legal-themed plates yet? If not, why not? I guess a complete set would take up a lot of room in your office (there are a lot), but you should get...
Officer: Sex With Hookers Was Part of My Job, Unenjoyable
Posted on September 03, 2008An officer who was suspended from the Beaumont, Texas, police department for having sex with prostitutes while on duty testified that he did so only because it was part of his job, and that he certainly did not enjoy it....
Witch Pardoned
Posted on August 29, 2008The government of Glarus, a canton in eastern Switzerland, has officially exonerated Anna Goeldi, who had the bad luck to be the last person executed in Europe after being charged with witchcraft. This was in 1782, almost one hundred years...
Beijing "Protest Parks" Go Remarkably Unused
Posted on August 28, 2008Sources reported last week that, although Chinese officials had named three Beijing parks as "protest zones" for use during the Olympics, surprisingly no protests were staged in any of them. The Xinhua news agency said that 77 applications to demonstrate...
Tax Tip: Income Earned In Antarctica May Not Be Deductible
Posted on August 28, 2008A recent report advises U.S. citizens that, although up to $80,000 of income earned in a "foreign country" can normally be excluded from taxable income, that does not apply if you earned the money in Antarctica. Antarctica, which is not...
UPDATE: Cloned-Dog Owner Wanted in Tennessee
Posted on August 27, 2008Authorities in Tennessee said last week that Joyce McKinney, the former beauty queen who stalked, kidnapped and assaulted a Mormon missionary, jumped bail by disguising herself as a member of a deaf-mute theater troupe, and then surfaced three decades later...
Court Affirms Verdict Against Lawyer for Affair With Client's Wife
Posted on August 26, 2008Somewhere in the top half of the long list of Bad Ideas is this one: have an affair with a client. Much closer to the top of that list is this one: have an affair with a client who is...
TRO Denied; Obama Can Still Run -- For Now
Posted on August 25, 2008The Obama campaign is probably breathing a big sigh of relief now that the motion for temporary restraining order sought by Philip J. Berg, Esquire, has been denied. Berg, who says he is a Democrat (and presumably a Clinton supporter),...
Amateur Ninjas Say They Were Sending "Message to Drug Dealers"
Posted on August 25, 2008According to reports on August 21, police said they had arrested two young men dressed as ninjas and carrying a variety of ninja-type armament such as bows, knives, throwing stars, swords, and nunchuks. The men, aged 20 and 19, were...
Exxon Punitives Case May Be Litigated Until Earth Consumed by Dying Sun
Posted on August 22, 2008That might be a slight exaggeration, but it does appear that the Exxon case, which has already been pending for nearly twenty years, will be around for a few more. As many of you may know, earlier this year the...
Immigration Agency Announces End of Innovative Self-Deportation Program
Posted on August 22, 2008Sources reported today (August 22) that the federal government would be ending Operation "Scheduled Departure," an innovative pilot program under which illegal immigrants would have up to 90 days to leave the country on their own initiative. Under the program,...
Pennsylvania Man Convicted of Aggravated Gnome-Hurling
Posted on August 21, 2008Charles Morrison, 31, of Greensburg, Pa., was convicted on August 19 of charges including felonious aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, according to a report in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. The deadly weapon: a two-pound garden gnome. Morrison's 16-year-old stepdaughter told...
Ice-Cream Killer Pleads Guilty in Exchange for Picnic
Posted on August 19, 2008On August 6, Tremayne Durham was sentenced to life in prison for the murder of an Oregon man in 2006. Durham, who either realized he had a weak case or was just really hungry, agreed to plead guilty in exchange...
Knights Templar v. Pope Benedict XVI, et al.
Posted on August 19, 2008The Daily Telegraph reported last week that the Knights Templar, or at least a group that claims to be the heirs of the Knights Templar, had sued Pope Benedict XVI. The lawsuit, filed by the Association of the Sovereign Order...
Batman Ties Up Traffic In Fathers' Rights Protest
Posted on August 15, 2008Speaking of bats (like I was Thursday), another one showed up today, this one on a highway sign over the M25 motorway in England, near Heathrow. Dressed as Batman, 48-year-old Geoffrey Hibbert said he was roosting on the sign as...
McCain Sued by Jackson Browne Over Use of "Running on Empty"
Posted on August 14, 2008John McCain's latest campaign ad continues the pop-culture theme of his Britney/Paris ad, this time using the song "Running on Empty" to mock Obama for proposing gas conservation through tire inflation. That's my song, said Jackson Browne, who is not...
Lawsuit Alleges Bat Exposure
Posted on August 14, 2008Seems like bats are everywhere these days. While one of them is setting box-office records, a bunch of others are allegedly tormenting Utah schoolchildren. So says a recent lawsuit against the Alpine School District, alleging that bats infested the school...
UPDATE: Judge Halverson Defeated in Primary Election
Posted on August 13, 2008Embattled Nevada judge Elizabeth Halverson, who as you may recall has been under investigation for some time based on charges that she mistreated staff, improperly met with jurors, fell asleep on the bench, and so on, was soundly defeated in...
Paris Hilton Sued For Insufficient Publicity
Posted on August 13, 2008You wouldn't think anyone would have a cause of action against Paris Hilton for not getting enough publicity, but Worldwide Entertainment Group is claiming that it does. Worldwide was apparently the entity responsible for "National Lampoon's Pledge This!," a 2006...
Court Overturns Law That Mandated 50% Good News
Posted on August 13, 2008A Romanian law that required at least half of all news broadcasts to be comprised of "good news" has been struck down by that country's constitutional court. Whether that is good news or bad news depends on who you ask....
Naked Cowboy Arrested in San Francisco
Posted on August 12, 2008You win some, you lose some. Less than a month after successfully defeating a motion to dismiss his trademark lawsuit against the maker of M&Ms, New York's "Naked Cowboy" Robert Burck was arrested in San Francisco when he tried to...
Man Who Sued God Appears in Earthly Court
Posted on August 11, 2008On August 5, Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers appeared in court to pursue his lawsuit against God. Chambers sued God in 2007, saying he was trying to make a point that anyone could file a lawsuit. "Anybody can file a...
Pets Too Sexy For Saudi Arabia, Say Religious Police
Posted on August 10, 2008Are there any two words as comforting as "religious police"? Doubtful. Especially if they follow the words "Saudi Arabia's." Saudi Arabia's religious police, also known by the even more comforting title "The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the...
UPDATE: More Details Emerge in Cloned-Dog-Mormon-Attack Case
Posted on August 09, 2008I admit I was a little worried about at least some of the details of the McKinney story I reported on the other day. The London Times is a reputable source, and most of the story, of course, like the...
ACLU Says It Will Go To Bat For Mullets If Necessary
Posted on August 08, 2008Last week I reported (again) on the continuing battle to secure the homeland against the threat of sagging pants, a battle that had flared up in Flint, Michigan, where Chief David Dicks announced that disorderly conduct/indecent exposure laws would be...
Cloned-Dog Owner Denies She is Actually Mormon Sex Kidnapper
Posted on August 07, 2008Here's the kind of lead-in sentence that you see almost every day: The woman who had her pet dog cloned by South Korean scientists flatly denied early Thursday that she was a bail jumper accused of sexually assaulting and kidnapping...
Teen Threatened With Haircut Stabs Father With Minature Sword
Posted on August 07, 2008I think that is a slight improvement over the original headline, but not by much. According to reports, a 15-year-old Florida boy stabbed his father in the hand with a "miniature sword" because the man repeatedly threatened to give his...
WHEREAS, You Acted Like a Jerk In Court
Posted on August 06, 2008WHEREAS, on the dates set out below, in the presence of Judge Thomas Mountjoy of the Court of Greene County, Missouri, attorney Carlos Dupree Romious, aka D. Carlos Romious, did do the following stupid things, among others: On June 16,...
Stormtrooper-Copyright Battle Will Have Sequel
Posted on August 05, 2008Back in April we learned that George Lucas was trying to solidify his control over the Star Wars universe by suing the guy who designed the stormtrooper costumes for the original film. Andrew Ainsworth had been selling replicas of the...
Tip of the Day: 911 Is Not For Sandwich Complaints
Posted on August 04, 2008Sources reported on August 4 that a Jacksonville man was arrested last week after he called 911 to report that his Subway sandwiches had not been made correctly. Seeking extra bonus points, he called it a second time to complain...
Panic, Heroism Reportedly on Display During California Bar Exam
Posted on August 01, 2008A source who was taking the California Bar Exam on July 29, when the session was presented in Sensurround, reports scenes of both abject fear and valiant heroism among the attorneys-to-be at the Ontario test site, arguably closest to the...
Lexis/Nexis Used to Screen Out DOJ Candidates on Political Grounds
Posted on August 01, 2008Greg Mitchell of Legal Pad has had some time to scan the 140-page report on the DOJ investigation into whether the White House illegally used political criteria to disqualify candidates for career positions at Justice. (It's not against the law...
Latest Low-Pants Ban: Lynwood, Illinois
Posted on August 01, 2008The city council of Lynwood, Illinois, a Chicago suburb, is the latest to join the crusade against sagging pants. Reports said that the new city ordinance would impose a $35 fine on anyone found to be showing more than three...
Request for Grey Poupon Has Unexpected Result
Posted on July 31, 2008It appears that a driver's request for a bit of Grey Poupon was rather rudely rejected on June 18, according to documents obtained by The Smoking Gun. Most likely, the request was made in fond remembrance of the famous commercials...
"Torture Memo" Author Detained in Oakland
Posted on July 30, 2008He was "detained" only because of a mechanical problem with a plane on which he had hoped to fly to the Ninth Circuit conference in Sun Valley, Idaho. But former deputy AG and "torture memo" author John Yoo's failure to...
If There Is An Earthquake While You Are Taking the Bar Exam, Do You Get Extra Time?
Posted on July 29, 2008If you think the answer to that might be yes, you are probably going to fail anyway. Some of those enjoying Day One of the California bar exam, which is otherwise a walk in the park, were rudely interrupted today...
Lawn Boy Murdered
Posted on July 28, 2008"I can do that [if I want to]," Keith Walendowski told police after he shot his lawn mower to death. "It's my lawn mower and my yard," he said, "so I can shoot it if I want." The mower's fatal...
Minneapolis Firm Offers "Lawyer Job Interview Translator"
Posted on July 25, 2008Nicole Brown of Legal Antics reports that Halleland Lewis Nilan & Johnson, a Minneapolis law firm, has produced a new recruiting tool that is worth checking out. The "Lawyer Job Interview Translator" features a senior-partner type answering standard recruiting questions...
50 Cent Sues Taco Bell Over Value-Menu Promotion
Posted on July 25, 2008Rapper 50 Cent, also known as Curtis Jackson, has sued Taco Bell and its advertising agency, accusing them of using his name and reputation without permission for its "Why Pay More" promotion, which offers items for 79, 89, or 99...
New Zealand Family Court Judge Says No to Stupid Names
Posted on July 24, 2008A family court judge in New Zealand has taken a stand against parents who saddle their children with goofy names, which seem to be fairly common, at least per capita, in that country. Judge Rob Murfitt ordered that a nine-year-old...
SF Voters to Decide Whether to Name Sewage Plant after President
Posted on July 24, 2008This November, among the important issues that San Francisco voters will be asked to decide is whether to rename a city sewage plant in honor of President Bush. The measure qualified for the ballot on July 7 after organizers turned...
Taser Caper Results in Prison for Father-Son Team
Posted on July 22, 2008On June 20, Paul Crowell of Waukesha, Wisconsin, was sentenced to two years in prison after pleading guilty to "possession of an electric weapon," namely a Taser that he had stolen from a police officer. Crowell's father has pleaded guilty...
Police Believe Rhode Island Man May Have Set New Blood-Alcohol Record
Posted on July 22, 2008State police in Rhode Island, said that a man they arrested early on July 22 may be the new holder of the state record for highest blood-alcohol content: .491. They clarified that this was believed to be the highest ever...
UPDATE: Police Chief Says Low Pants Are Probable Cause for Search
Posted on July 18, 2008It appears that Chief of Police David Dicks is still pursuing his campaign to keep pants from sagging in Flint, Michigan, as he announced back on June 25. Dicks described the wearing of low pants as "immoral self-expression" (which makes...
Partner Strips at Press Conference to Show Detainee Mistreatment
Posted on July 18, 2008I have the utmost respect for the work David Remes, a partner at Covington & Burling, is doing in defense of detainees at Guantanamo. And I think the strategy of dramatically illustrating how they are mistreated is not a bad...
Gay Italian Wins Lawsuit for Driving-Test Discrimination
Posted on July 16, 2008A 26-year-old Italian man who was told he had to retake a driving test because he is homosexual has been awarded $150,000 in damages. A court in Sicily ruled that the government agencies involved had discriminated against Danilo Giuffrida after...
Poorly Faked Heart Attack Fails to Result in Mistrial
Posted on July 16, 2008This story shows the importance of proper training before appearing in a courtroom, even (well, especially) if one has decided to represent oneself. And depending on the strategy, acting lessons may be a good idea. Keison Wilkins may have thought...
UPDATE: Church Answers Lawsuit of Fallen Man
Posted on July 15, 2008We learned last month about the Knoxville man who sued his church claiming he had been injured in a fall caused by the holy spirit. (It wasn't capitalized in the complaint). Matthew Lincoln did not blame the spirit, however (let...
German Legislation Would Give Infants Right to Vote
Posted on July 10, 2008In what appears to be a true story and not one found in The Onion, sources report that a bill introduced in the German parliament would lower the voting age to zero. A spokesman for German embryos and fetuses said...
Book Review: "Lawyer Boy" by Rick Lax
Posted on July 08, 2008Rick Lax sent me a pre-publication copy of his new book, "Lawyer Boy," which was released today (July 8). After reading it, I first considered hunting him down in order to eliminate further competition in the legal-humor department, but decided...
Rule 8 Invoked Against 465-Page Complaint
Posted on July 08, 2008Rarely granted is the Motion for More Definite Statement under Federal Rule 8(a), which requires complaints to contain "a short and plain statement of the claim" being made. But now we know it is appropriate at least where a plaintiff...
Crocodile Dundee Taunts Tax Authorities
Posted on July 08, 2008I guess after you've conquered New York, humiliated Colombian drug dealers, and . . . well, whatever happened in that third movie I didn't even know existed until now, the Australian Tax Office does not seem very daunting. Paul Hogan,...
Naked Cowboy v. Mars Lawsuit Allowed to Go Forward
Posted on July 07, 2008On June 23, a federal judge in New York denied a motion to dismiss Robert Burck's trademark-infringement claims against Mars, Inc., and its ad agency. Mars is the maker of M&Ms and other truly outstanding products (it is also one...
McCain Gets Endorsement From His Former Jailer
Posted on July 05, 2008In a development that John McCain must have been very happy to hear about, the man who was in charge of the "Hanoi Hilton" while McCain was a prisoner of war has endorsed him for the presidency. Tran Trong Duyet...
Nelson Mandela Removed from U.S. Terror Watch List
Posted on July 03, 2008Anyone who thinks the "War on Terror" will be declared over anytime soon should think about this: the U.S. government just now removed Nelson Mandela from its official terrorist watchlist. Mandela was put on the list along with other members...
Mother Reported to Authorities After Psychic Claims Abuse
Posted on July 03, 2008As we learned last week when a court vacated the grounding of a 12-year-old, Canadians are awfully protective of children's rights. In this case, they leapt to the defense of an autistic girl after a psychic declared that the girl...
Boy George Denied U.S. Visa
Posted on July 02, 2008CNN reported on June 24 that U.S. immigration authorities had denied a visa to George Alan O'Dowd, better known to some as Boy George of "Culture Club" fame. O'Dowd, 48, had been scheduled to perform a series of concerts in...
Woman Denied Beer at Convenience Store
Posted on July 01, 2008A 74-year-old woman was denied the right to buy beer at a convenience store in Norwalk, California, the Associated Press has reported. Granted, this happened after she had driven her car through the front window and into the store, but...
Posner Affirms Conviction, Laments Ostrich Myth
Posted on July 01, 2008On June 25, the Seventh Circuit affirmed the conviction of Conrad Black, one of several former newspaper executives found guilty last year of defrauding their company out of millions of dollars. In a bad sign for the defendants, the opinion...
Criminal Armed With Plant Defeated by Customer Armed With Bar Stool
Posted on June 29, 2008In a crime that was described as both "bizarre" and "creative" (showing what a fine line that can be), a Florida man tried to rob a store earlier this month armed with a plant. "The man came in with the...
City of Flint, Michigan, Joins Crusade Against Saggy Pants
Posted on June 27, 2008Claiming that he was acting on a "significant" number of citizen complaints, the police chief for Flint, Michigan, said on June 25 that he had directed officers to start arresting people seen wearing pants and/or shorts that sag "too low."...
Woman Sues Victoria's Secret For Allegedly Defective Underpants
Posted on June 26, 2008On June 9, Macrida Patterson filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles County alleging that she was injured last year by a defective product. According to the report, Patterson was putting on a "low-rise v-string" thong she had purchased at Victoria's...
Court Overturns Father's Decision to Ground 12-Year-Old Daughter
Posted on June 25, 2008In a decision that has sent shock waves through the Canadian grade-school community, a court in Quebec has ruled that a father improperly grounded his 12-year-old daughter, preventing her from going on a school field trip. Coming next: Motion to...
Man Sues Church After Falling Due to Receipt of Holy Spirit
Posted on June 23, 2008Lakewind's logo, depicting Jesus or possibly Blackbeard A former board member of the Lakewind Church in Tennessee has sued the church and its pastors, saying that he was injured when he fell after the spirit took him during a church...
New Adhesive-Toilet-Seat Case Against Home Depot
Posted on June 20, 2008On June 11, a St. Louis man filed a lawsuit against Home Depot alleging that it had negligently failed to monitor the condition of the toilet seats in its customer restrooms, and had negligently failed to warn of a serious...
"Lawyer Who Wouldn't Stop Talking" Talks His Way to Suspension
Posted on June 20, 2008Some of you probably think the phrase "lawyer who wouldn't stop talking" is redundant, but it isn't quite. There is a time for talking, and a time for not talking; and one good time for not talking is just after...
Claim for Reimbursement of Dating Costs is Rejected
Posted on June 19, 2008A 30-year-old Korean man, identified only as "Park" (which, in Korea, does not narrow it down one bit), has lost his bid to be reimbursed by his ex-girlfriend for the money he spent on their dates. Park sued the woman...
German Court Rejects Document-Phobia Defense
Posted on June 18, 2008A German court has rejected a woman's appeal of a decision terminating her child-support benefits, despite her disability claim. The woman had argued that she could not respond earlier to an agency's requests for information because she has a "phobia...
Practice Tip: Phrase "Oops, My Bad" Rarely Appropriate in Court
Posted on June 18, 2008For those of you wanting to be jailed briefly for contempt, this item offers some pretty good tips that you might want to jot down: You will be instructed to turn off all cell phones while in the courtroom. Ignore...
Court Rules Lawyers Must Speak Out During Trial if Judge Is Snoozing
Posted on June 17, 2008Here's an important tip: the Court of Appeal for Ontario, Canada, has ruled that lawyers who notice that their trial judge is sleeping must awaken him or her at the time and object, rather than waiting to raise the issue...
Leona Helmsley's Dog Forced to Survive on Mere $2 Million Trust Fund
Posted on June 16, 2008As you may recall, when Leona Helmsley died last year she left $12 million to her dog, more than twice as much as she left to any other family member. (Two grandchildren were completely stiffed, for "reasons that are known...
Motorized Cooler Driver Faces DWI Charges
Posted on June 13, 2008I have already written about a number of non-automotive drunk driving charges, including incidents that involved "vehicles" such as riding lawnmowers, horses, and at least one Zamboni. Not wanting to repeat myself, I passed on covering another recent riding-lawnmower DUI...
Man Walks 25 Miles to Be Sentenced
Posted on June 12, 2008Stephen Shoemaker was so determined to get to the courthouse in order to be sentenced for a drunk-driving conviction that, when his brother didn't show up to give him a ride, he says he just started walking. That does show...
UPDATE: Both "Thong Bandits" in Custody
Posted on June 11, 2008As predicted, the "disguises" employed by the Thong Bandits during their robbery of a convenience store in May did little to help them avoid arrest. Police in Arvada, Colorado, announced last Friday that Joseph Espinoza and Joaquin Rico had turned...
Mistrial Declared After Jurors Found Playing Sudoku
Posted on June 10, 2008Showing that issues with the jury system are not limited to America, on June 10 a judge in Sydney declared a mistrial in a high-profile drug-conspiracy case after it was discovered that the jurors spent much of their time in...
Get to the Good Hotel First If Litigating Against Skadden Arps
Posted on June 09, 2008The law firms of Skadden Arps and Quinn Emanuel are on opposite sides of the Barbie-Bratz doll lawsuit, which is being tried in Riverside, California. As I can tell you from personal experience, by far the best place to stay...
Use of F-Bomb Before Supreme Court Discussed
Posted on June 06, 2008In a June 5 post, Marty Lederman of SCOTUSblog discussed the FCC v. Fox Television case, which involves "whether fleeting expletives are so inherently shocking as to justify a virtual ban on their broadcast between 6:00 a.m. and 10:00 p.m."...
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Denounces U.S. Legal System, Courtroom Artist
Posted on June 05, 2008Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who has confessed to being the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, had some statements to make at his arraignment on Thursday (June 5): First, he looks forward to becoming a martyr. Second, the U.S. legal system is...
Parties Ordered to Conduct Deposition at State Line
Posted on June 04, 2008Here's an order going directly to the Lowering the Bar Legal Document Archive. Apparently, in a lawsuit pending in the Western District of Texas (at Austin), the parties were unable to agree on whether the deposition of a corporate representative...
Chinese Government Lists What Not to Do During Olympics
Posted on June 04, 2008With the Beijing Olympics just a couple of months away, the government's excitement and paranoia are almost tangible. This week, Reuters reported that the government has posted on its official Olympic website an extensive list of things that foreigners are...
Lawyer-Musician Kicked Out of R. Kelly Courtroom for Trying to Hawk CD
Posted on June 03, 2008The Chicago Tribune reported on June 2 that Mike Roman, a Chicago criminal-defense attorney who moonlights in a rock band, had been kicked out of the courtroom where R. Kelly is on trial. Roman (left) apparently showed up during a...
Store Owner Told to Stop Taking Shoes From Shoplifters
Posted on June 02, 2008The owner of Wagon Wheel Liquors in Durango, Colorado, says he will comply with a police order to stop taking shoes from people he catches shoplifting in his store. Gabe Fidanque said he was frustrated because calling the police did...
British Judges to Get New Attire; Fashion Critics Aghast
Posted on May 31, 2008Earlier this month, a panel of British judges recommended a number of changes to the country's judicial-dress requirements, which have been roughly the same for hundreds of years. Wigs will no longer be worn in civil and family courts, and...
Wife Sues For Share of Formerly Secret Lotto Prize
Posted on May 30, 2008On May 15, a judge ruled against a Miami woman who had sued her husband to get a share of a $600,000 lottery prize he won. Donna Campbell said that last summer she began to suspect that her husband, Arnim...
Gallery of Bad Disguises, #3: The Thong Bandits
Posted on May 30, 2008Before too long there will be enough material of this kind to create a separate category or gallery of Bad Disguises. Previous candidates would include the Duct Tape Bandit and the Tree That Robbed a Bank, and to those we...
UPDATE: Conviction in Hedgehog-Assault Case
Posted on May 29, 2008William Singalargh, who as we learned in April had been accused of assaulting a 15-year-old boy with a hedgehog, was convicted this week on charges of "common assault" and "offensive behavior" and ordered to pay about $550 in fines. Singalargh...
Wind-Breaking Said to Be Last Straw in Employment Case
Posted on May 28, 2008An employment tribunal in England has ruled that a woman's co-workers discriminated against her by using "laddish" behavior to maker her work life miserable, and that senior managers did not intervene. Indeed, one of the managers seems to have been...
Fourth Circuit Reinstates Dirty-Dancing Lawsuit (Again)
Posted on May 27, 2008On April 30, the 4th Circuit reinstated a seven-year-old lawsuit against the city of Marshall, North Carolina, by a woman who was banned from the town dance hall for allegedly dancing in a "sexually provocative manner." The court ruled that...
Pirate Boards Macy's Flagship; Claims No Booty
Posted on May 26, 2008On Memorial Day, police arrested a 29-year-old man in the Herald Square Macy's store in Manhattan after spotting him "brandishing" what was described as a curved, rusted, "pirate-style sword," presumably a cutlass. The report also used the word "carrying," although...
Q: Does a Criminal Defendant Forfeit His Right to Counsel by Punching Said Counsel in the Face?
Posted on May 23, 2008A: Yes. Or, as one report put it, "[t]he Minnesota Court of Appeals . . . [has ruled] that a defendant gives up his right to a court-appointed lawyer when he beats up the one he has." In State of...
Ape Appeals
Posted on May 23, 2008As expected, Matthew Pan (or his handlers, depending on how you view this story), has appealed to the European Court of Human Rights. You may recall that Pan is a chimpanzee currently residing in Austria. An animal-rights group took his...
Congress Forgets Part of Farm Bill
Posted on May 22, 2008The U.S. Congress, which some of you may remember as a third branch of government, roused itself this week to override President Bush's veto of a popular farm bill. That was the plan, at least, until somebody noticed that they...
Arizona Considering Bill That Would Punish "Dissent" in Public Schools
Posted on May 20, 2008I'm starting to think it is the purpose of a house of representatives (using lower-case there to mean, generically, that half of a bicameral legislature, not a specific house that happens to be full of representatives) to pass utterly stupid...
153rd Time is the Charm for Frequent Arrestee
Posted on May 19, 2008Although Paul Baldwin was charged only with stealing a can of beer (retail value: $1.99), on May 19 a judge in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, set his bail at $10,000. This may have something to do with the fact that this...
Your Dog's Body Damaged My Car, Says Alleged Creep
Posted on May 17, 2008"I have complete compassion for them," said Jeffery Ely about the family he sued after killing their dog. Ely had been driving at night on January 4 when Nikki Munthe's dog, Fester, a miniature pinscher, ran out into the road...
Firearms Instructor Teaches Students to Unload Guns Used for Firearms Instruction
Posted on May 16, 2008Accounts differed of the incident on May 3 in which Dave Hansen, police chief of Riverdale, Utah, managed to shoot himself while teaching a gun-safety class. Two of Hansen's students, Bart Ulm and Lewis Walker, claimed they had been concerned...
More Lessons in Avoiding Jury Duty
Posted on May 15, 2008Thankfully, the Chicago Tribune is providing "gavel-to-gavel" coverage of the R. Kelly trial in Cook County, and though this trial will probably teach us many important lessons, the first of them has to do with jury service. Reporter Stacy St....
Man Who Attacked Founder of Jedi Church Gets Suspended Sentence
Posted on May 15, 2008After a hearing on May 14, 27-year-old Arwel Hughes was sentenced to two months in jail (suspended), a light punishment for one who turned to the Dark Side. Hughes was arrested in March after he assaulted Barney and Michael Jones,...
JetBlue Sued by Man Forced to Ride in Lavatory
Posted on May 14, 2008Numerous sources reported recently on a lawsuit filed by Gokhan Mutlu, a gentleman who alleges that Jet Blue employees deprived him of his original seat during a cross-country flight and forced him to use the lavatory toilet seat instead. Pro:...
Judge Finds Alleged Indian Tribe to Be "Complete Sham"
Posted on May 13, 2008On May 6, a federal judge in Utah ruled that a group calling itself the "Wampanoag Nation" was not a branch of the recognized Native American tribe of that name, but instead was a sham organization set up to further...
Knife-Purchasers Must Register, Says Chinese Government
Posted on May 12, 2008China's Ministry of Public Security, in full public-securing mode as the Olympic Games approach, has told citizens that anyone buying "potentially deadly knives" must now register with the state. According to the government, "potentially deadly knives" include switchblades, knives with...
Judge Who Lost Pants Wants Job Back
Posted on May 09, 2008In what is certainly welcome news for amateur legal humorists everywhere, Roy Pearson has filed another lawsuit. As you may recall (see, e.g., "Judge Drops Pants; Suit Still On," Lowering the Bar (June 6, 2007)), Pearson was formerly Judge Pearson,...
Claim Alleges Trip Ruined by Dung
Posted on May 09, 2008A New York woman who says a family trip to Connecticut was ruined when her child stepped in dog feces has filed a claim against the city they were visiting. Kelly DeBrocky says that she and her family were planning...
Bear in Prison
Posted on May 08, 2008Despite that title, this is not the bear from "Bear Convicted," a March item that had to do with a bear prosecuted in Macedonia for stealing from a beekeeper. That bear is still at large, as you would know if...
Oregon Says Its Laws Are Copyrighted, Can't Be Published
Posted on May 07, 2008A battle has been going on for about three weeks now between the state of Oregon, which has laws, and some legal websites that have been publishing those laws. Oregon is insisting that they not do so. Justia.com, for example,...
Probation May Be Revoked for Sharing
Posted on May 06, 2008A judge in Vinton County, Ohio, has been asked to revoke probation for Timothy Caudill and send him to prison for nine months. The offense: sharing a Little Debbie snack cake without permission. At the time of the infraction, Caudill...
Droopy-Pants Law Fails in Louisiana; Similar Measure Gutted in Florida
Posted on May 05, 2008On April 22, a bill that would have ended the scourge of droopy pants throughout Louisiana failed in the state senate. This was lamented by the bill's sponsor, Sen. Derrick Shepherd (D-New Orleans), who said the state should take a...
Everything's Bigger in Texas -- Including Bad Checks
Posted on May 02, 2008Saying he was planning to start a record company, Charles Fuller tried to cash a large check at a bank in Fort Worth last week. Problems with this story included: One does not normally start record companies using cash; and...
Hand-Held Lie Detector Deployed: Now We're Completely Safe
Posted on May 01, 2008If you have been taking any comfort in the idea that our strategy in the War on Terror can't get any worse, cut it out. MSNBC reported recently that the Pentagon has spent $2.5 million to date on a project...
UPDATE: "Duct Tape Bandit" Pleads Guilty
Posted on April 30, 2008The improbably named "Kasey G. Kazee," better known to history as the "Duct Tape Bandit," pleaded guilty on April 29 to robbing a Kentucky liquor store. The robbery failed despite the fact that Kazee had carefully prepared for the robbery...
New Video Questions Dupre's Claim
Posted on April 30, 2008Welcome back to the case that poses the following legal questions, among others: Is it possible to have less than zero credibility, and What happens if both parties to a lawsuit suffer from that handicap? I think the answer to...
Client 9's Playmate Sues Over "Girls Gone Wild" Video
Posted on April 30, 2008Ashley Alexandra Dupre, well into her 14th minute of fame due to her affiliation with Eliot Spitzer, has sued "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis for allegedly taking advantage of her youth and vulnerability by once filming her sans T-shirt....
"The Secret": Your Path to Happiness, Love, Litigation
Posted on April 28, 2008Some of you may be familiar with "The Secret," an enormous bestseller that encourages people to follow the "law of attraction," which I thought was something that made people hang out near playgrounds but which turns out to be "an...
European Union Passes Volume Limits for Bagpipes
Posted on April 27, 2008Bagpipers across Europe are protesting new regulations that would force them to pipe quietly. European Union officials in Brussels have ruled that, under EU health and safety laws, bagpipes cannot expose users to average noise levels of more than 85....
Benny the Bull In Trouble Again
Posted on April 24, 2008An Illinois dentist has sued the Chicago Bulls after allegedly being injured by the team's mascot, Benny the Bull, in what is a rare example of a lawsuit predicated on a negligent high-five. Don Kalant alleges he was watching a...
Charges Dropped in "Weekend at Bernie's" Case
Posted on April 22, 2008New York prosecutors dropped charges today against two men who had been charged with a number of offenses resulting from an attempt to cash a Social Security check in January. The problem, as you may recall, was the body they...
Hair Salon's Reign of Terror Finally Ended
Posted on April 21, 2008The Baolou International Beauty Salon in the city of Zhengzhou, China, has finally been closed by authorities. The salon had apparently been terrorizing local residents, who cited a number of incidents in which unsuspecting hair-growers had been vastly overcharged for...
Obama's Campaign Font Said to Offer Hope, Geometric Simplicity
Posted on April 18, 2008For those of you wondering about the secret of Barack Obama's success, that mystery has been solved-- it's the font: Steven Heller: As a branding expert, can you tell me what it is about the typographical scheme of Senator Obama's...
UPDATE: "Bulletproof" Reposa Gets 90 Days for Lewd Gesture
Posted on April 17, 2008Justice was swift -- and pretty harsh -- for Adam "Bulletproof" Reposa, who was cited for contempt on March 11 after gesturing inappropriately in response to an argument by opposing counsel. Reposa allegedly rolled his eyes and made a repetitive...
Idaho Official: Democratic Primary Will Be Three-Way Contest; Also Pointless
Posted on April 17, 2008Idaho Secretary of State Ben Ysursa said on April 16 that the state's Democratic primary, set for May 27, will be a three-person race. In addition to better-known candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, Keith Judd has also qualified to...
Woman Sues for Injuries Caused by Large Dancing Mystery Man
Posted on April 16, 2008A woman in Vero Beach, Florida, has sued a Palm Beach nightspot claiming that she was injured by a 300-pound Canadian who fell on her there. Kathryn Muth accuses Cucina Dell'Arte of negligence on the grounds that the restaurant is...
Dwarf Becomes New Italian Prime Minister
Posted on April 15, 2008Silvio Berlusconi won another term as Italy's prime minister on April 14, despite being shorter than his rivals. Berlusconi, who is just five feet six inches tall, or a mere 1.71 meters in metric units, is routinely portrayed in political...
Rooster Executed
Posted on April 14, 2008At a bend in the road near Joe's Creek, birds sing and dogs bark. But the rooster no longer crows. So begins this tale of tragedy, as reported in the St. Petersburg Times. According to the report, Gilman the Rooster...
"Bulletproof" Attorney Jailed After "Obscene Gesture" in Court
Posted on April 11, 2008Okay, if you had to vote right now, would you vote to sanction this guy? "For what?" -- does it matter? Okay, what if I told you he is an attorney -- wait, I'm not finished -- who is actually...
UPDATE: Transcript of Witchcraft Resolution Hearings Posted
Posted on April 10, 2008Here's a followup to last week's post on the witch-exoneration resolution that was not passed again this year by the Connecticut legislature. Testimony on that resolution was heard on March 20, and the transcript has just been posted. The committee...
Charges Filed After Parents Argue Over Baby's Gang Affiliation
Posted on April 10, 2008The Denver Post reported today that the father of a 4-year-old boy pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct on Tuesday, after a heated argument with his ex-girlfriend during which he knocked displays over in the store where she works. The two...
Arguments Commence in New Zealand Spear-Assault Trial
Posted on April 09, 2008Let's stick with New Zealand, as long as it is going to keep generating stories like these. Last week: false claim of wombat rape. Monday: assault with a deadly hedgehog. Tuesday: opening arguments in the trial, on assault charges, of...
UPDATE: Fired Butt Artist Settles Wrongful-Termination Lawsuit
Posted on April 09, 2008I have just learned that, last month, the parties reached a settlement in Stan Murmer's wrongful-termination lawsuit against his former employer. As you may recall from prior reports on his firing and on the denial of the school district's motion...
Man Faces Five Years for Hedgehog Assault
Posted on April 08, 2008In the second animal-assault story from New Zealand in two weeks, police in the North Island town of Whakatane said that William Singalargh, 27, had been arrested for assaulting a boy with a hedgehog. Many details about the assault remain...
Revenge of The Prop Guy
Posted on April 07, 2008Battle will be joined tomorrow in a British case in which a rebel prop designer will challenge George Lucas, emperor of the Star Wars universe, as to who owns the rights to the stormtrooper costumes used in the films. Andrew...
Youth Rights Under Siege in Midwest
Posted on April 07, 2008In addition to the continuing War on Low Pants, about which I will report again in the near future, other recent legislative developments in the Midwest are threatening the rights of young people. In Arkansas, the right of toddlers to...
Witches Screwed Again in Connecticut
Posted on April 04, 2008In other civil-rights news, Connecticut's General Assembly failed again this year to pass a resolution that would have cleared the names of those prosecuted for witchcraft there during the 17th century. This marks the 361st year in a row that...
Poll: What's the Scariest Part of the Torture Memo?
Posted on April 04, 2008There has been a lot of buzz over the last couple of days about the newly released memo written in 2003 to provide legal arguments in support of using torture aggressive interrogation techniques. And there is probably more to come....
Man Jailed for Curiosity About Groin-Kicking
Posted on April 03, 2008Last week, 28-year-old Jarrett Loft, of Guelph, Ontario, Canada, was sentenced to sixty days in jail simply for asking seven different women to kick him in the groin. Isn't that pretty far down the list of things that need to...
Florida Attorney Sanctioned for Insulting Court with "Children's Picture Book"
Posted on April 02, 2008On Friday, March 7, Bonnie Goldstein of Slate.com wrote about a furious battle going on between a Florida attorney on one side and the Florida Bar and Florida Supreme Court on the other. Any bets on how this one comes...
Wombat-Rape Story NOT An April Fools' Day Item
Posted on April 01, 2008I guess it is understandable that some readers believe that the previous post, about a New Zealander who was sentenced to community service for falsely reporting he had been raped by a wombat, an assault that he said caused him...
Australian Sentenced for False Claim of Wombat Rape
Posted on April 01, 2008Arthur Cradock of Motueka, New Zealand, was sentenced last week to 75 hours of community service for making a false police report, after he admitted he had not actually been raped by a wombat as he had claimed. Cradock called...
Russian Farmer Sues Space Agency for Rocket Damage
Posted on March 31, 2008Tired of having rocket parts rain down on his village, a Russian shepherd is suing Roskosmos, the Russian space agency, for one million rubles after a 10-foot piece of space trash hit his property, narrowly missing his outhouse. Boris Urmatov...
Canadian Dollar, Lawsuit Activity Up
Posted on March 28, 2008Now that Canadians have a currency that can actually compete with the U.S. dollar, it looks like they may be trying to catch up to us in unnecessary lawsuits as well. Last week, the National Post of Canada reported on...
Court of Appeal Upholds Right to Private Drunkenness
Posted on March 27, 2008In a recent case, the California Court of Appeal definitively resolved a legal question that has long puzzled scholars: If a man is drunk inside a woodshed, and leaves the woodshed only at the request of police, can he be...
San Francisco Superior Court Is Victim of Hit-and-Run
Posted on March 26, 2008Legal Pad reported yesterday that officials at SF Superior Court are trying to figure out who has to pay for damage to the courthouse apparently caused by a hit-and-run driver earlier this month. Trust me, there is no point in...
Video Ruins Yet Another Workers' Comp Claim
Posted on March 26, 2008How many workers' compensation claims have been proven false by a video showing the claimant doing something inconsistent with his claimed injury? Well, it's probably a lot. And now it's a lot plus one. Garrett Dalton, 41, of Naugatuck, Connecticut,....
"Pro-Life" Candidate Seeks to Appear on Idaho Ballot
Posted on March 25, 2008Probably most Senate candidates from Idaho have been pro-life, but this one is Pro-Life. Literally. Mr. Pro-Life, 66, is a strawberry farmer who was born "Marvin T. Richardson." He ran for the state legislature under that name in 2004, but...
FBI Said Ready to Take Decisive Action to Protect Federal Officials From Noogies
Posted on March 24, 2008On March 21, the Boston Globe reported that, after a year-long investigation by the Justice Department, the FBI has concluded that three FBI agents should be terminated for a noogie one of them delivered to a federal prosecutor in 2006....
Author Writes New "About the Author" Page, Then Writes About How It's New
Posted on March 23, 2008Rather that just restate that headline again, thus wasting even more of your ever-dwindling lifespan, I will simply direct you to the "About the Author" link in the left-hand column, should you be inclined to read about the author. The...
Southerners Fear War Between the States
Posted on March 21, 2008In case you missed it, February 27th was "Give Our Georgia Friends a Drink Day," as proclaimed by Ron Littlefield, mayor of Chattanooga, Tennessee. Littlefield said he was concerned about them because the Georgia Legislature had passed a resolution expressing...
When Cows Attack
Posted on March 21, 2008From today's report of new cases in Santa Clara County: Michael Kellogg v. County Of Santa Clara; Ferrara Enterprises LLC; Does; No. 1-08-CV-108597 (filed March 20, 2008) Premises liability lawsuit. The defendants did not properly fence a walking trail and...
Escaped Prisoner Mocks Police, Insists They Recapture Him
Posted on March 20, 2008A 31-year-old Estonian thief who escaped from a Finnish prison on February 29 was "recaptured" a week later, but only after going to some trouble to arrange it. It's not entirely clear whether Martin Vaiksaar had decided he wanted to...
Bear Convicted
Posted on March 19, 2008Reuters News reported last week that a court in Bitola, Macedonia, has convicted a bear of theft and property damage in a case brought by a beekeeper. Rumors of violent protests against the ruling in Jellystone Park could not be...
Lawsuit Alleges Serious Injuries Inflicted by Negligent Lap Dance
Posted on March 18, 2008Tough times on Wall Street these days -- not only are securities traders getting smacked around by the market, they aren't even safe during their leisure-time lap dances. A lawsuit filed on March 14 by trader Stephen Chang alleges that...
New Website Design: Please Read With Caution
Posted on March 18, 2008As you can tell (at least if you've seen a past version of this site), the design has changed mildly. I remain loyal to blue, but certain other long-serving design elements have been ruthlessly and suddenly dumped, something I now...
U.S. Supreme Court To Consider Use of Expletives
Posted on March 17, 2008Use by others, that is, although it may use a few of its own. The Supreme Court granted certiorari today in the case of FCC v. Fox Television Stations, which presents the following question: Is the Federal Communication Commission's determination...
Another Reason Not to Streak in Minnesota
Posted on March 14, 2008From the police blotter in Silver Lake, Wisconsin, yesterday: On 3-13-08 at approx. 1620 hrs., [Deputy] Zarletti was parked by the Silver Lake DNR boat launch when he was alerted by a citizen that a male was running across the...
Kevorkian May Run for Congress
Posted on March 14, 2008Dr. Jack Kevorkian, who was released on parole last year after serving eight years for second-degree murder, reportedly will run for Congress in a hotly contested House race. A local paper reported on March 12 that Kevorkian had obtained the...
The Law Accordion to Hanson Bridgett
Posted on March 13, 2008Would your managing partner wear lederhosen for a marketing video? If not, maybe you work at the wrong firm. To celebrate a name change and its 50th birthday, the firm now known as HansonBridgett has put together the video below,...
Politician Reinstated After Scandal
Posted on March 13, 2008A politician who recently lost his job after a scandal has been reinstated, and his record will be cleared, officials said today. Thanks for reading, Client-9, but it's not you. Eighth-grader Michael Sheridan, of New Haven, Connecticut, was suspended and...
How Client-9 Was Caught
Posted on March 12, 2008NPR had an interesting segment this morning (March 12) as to how Client-9, formerly known as Eliot Spitzer, was found out. As you might expect, our old friend the USA Patriot Act had a part to play, helping fulfill its...
Elvis's Pretrial Conference Goes Poorly
Posted on March 12, 2008Tip: if appearing in court for a pretrial conference in your criminal case, it is best to present a respectful demeanor and stay relatively low-key. One should avoid, for example, showing up dressed as a late-model Elvis Presley, complete with...
Florida Election Too Close to Call Because Nobody Voted
Posted on March 12, 2008Tired of feeling like your vote doesn't count? Move to Prospect Bend, an unincorporated community in Broward County, Florida, near the town of Tamarac. There, every vote counts -- or every vote would count, if they could get one. Tamarac...
New York Town Takes Serious Action Against Silly String
Posted on March 11, 2008On March 3, the town board of Huntington, New York took decisive action to maintain public order by banning the sale of Silly String within 1,500 feet of a parade route. It joined several other U.S. communities in doing so....
Brazilian Boy Will Not Be Allowed to Enter Law School
Posted on March 10, 2008Officials at Paulista University in Brazil said they had decided that Joao Victor Portelinha de Oliveira would not be allowed to start law school this year as he had planned. Although he successfully passed the entrance exams and a writing...
A Doughnut Drama in Three Acts
Posted on March 07, 2008Act One. A small town in Oregon. Two men in "cowboy garb," Adam and Vincent, are eating doughnuts. Enter two sheriff's deputies. DEPUTY ONE: A burglary has been reported. DEPUTY TWO: Yes, we must hurry to the scene of it....
Deponent and Counsel Jointly Sanctioned $367 Per F-Bomb
Posted on March 06, 2008"Few depositions warrant sanctions more than this one," wrote Judge Eduardo Robreno (E.D. Pa.), in this opinion dated February 29, before embarking on an "extended discussion" of the conduct to show why. The story and a PDF of the opinion...
Japanese Bikini Model Uses Self as Exhibit
Posted on March 05, 2008Serena Kozakura was convicted last year of property destruction, after a man accused her of kicking a hole in the door of his room so she could get inside. Since Kozakura is a well-known pin-up and bikini model in Japan,...
Law School That Didn't Exist Is Sued by Student Who Didn't Take Classes
Posted on March 05, 2008From today's Santa Clara County (CA) new-case report: Katrina Petrini (in pro per) v. Doug Marcus aka Douglas Marcus; Chuck Marcus; Charles Marcus; Marcus Charles; National Law School Inc.; Does; No. 1-08-CV-107116 (filed 2/29/2008) Fraud lawsuit. The defendants charged the...
Police Say Shooting Designed to "Get Some Time Off Work"
Posted on March 03, 2008Most of us have "called in sick" at one point or another, when we probably could have dragged ourselves into the office but had other priorities. But who among us has been as creative, determined, and stupid as Daniel Kuch,...
Deadline to Apply for Internship With Sen. Larry Craig is March 15
Posted on February 29, 2008Remember, time is running out to apply for an internship in the office of Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho). The deadline is March 15, 2008, or when Senator Craig resigns, whichever comes first. "For those interested in politics," Craig writes on his official site, the internship position represents "an incredible opportunity to get a behind-the-scenes look at how our government functions...
Italian Supreme Court Further Limits Groping Rights of Italian Men
Posted on February 28, 2008The New York Times reports today that the long-cherished right of Italian men to grope freely, already under siege, has been further limited by an Italian Supreme Court decision. The ruling, which appears to have been issued recently although the NYT did not provide a date (or citation), affirmed a man's 2006 conviction on public-indecency charges; specifically, for "ostentatiously touching his genitals through his clothing...
Repeated Demands for Prostitute: Grounds for Termination?
Posted on February 27, 2008I don't want to keep you in suspense: the answer is yes.Riverside Casino and Golf Resort, located in Iowa, apparently gives its employees a special bonus to mark their first year of employment. The bonus, at least in this case, was a gift certificate and a free night's stay at the casino's hotel...
Junk-Mail Deliverer Sues After Mailbox Injury
Posted on February 25, 2008"When I received a solicitor's letter," said Paul O'Brien of Leeds in Great Britain, "I thought someone was having a laugh." This was because the letter explained that Mr. O'Brien was likely to be sued by a woman who had injured herself while putting junk mail through the slot in his front door...
Police Stop of Ax-Wielding Bike Rider Found Justified
Posted on February 22, 2008In a classic opinion of which I have just learned, the California Court of Appeal ruled in 1998 that police were in fact justified in detaining a man they saw on a bicycle at 3:00 in the morning, primarily because they noticed he was also carrying a large ax at the time...
"Heavy Hitter" On the Ropes
Posted on February 22, 2008The Nevada Bar Association said earlier this month that it had received a complaint against personal-injury lawyer Glen Lerner, and that it was investigating. Lerner is extremely well-known in Nevada, largely because of his ridiculous TV commercials, which have shown him (among other things) spinning like the Tasmanian Devil and dropping a giant phone on litigation opponents...
Ginormous Rock at Issue in Engagement-Ring-Retrieval Suit
Posted on February 20, 2008Sadly, it seems to be all too common for legal disputes to arise over who gets the engagement ring if a wedding is called off. But not many of those disputes involve a ring worth close to half a million dollars, or a former sister-in-law of the President...
Practice Tip: Probably Okay to End Deposition Early if Other Side Brings a Gun
Posted on February 19, 2008On February 12, an attorney representing a man suing NFL running back Reggie Bush said he and his client chose to end a deposition early after noticing that the other side was armed. "I knew they weren't going to like what they were going to hear, but I never thought they'd bring a gun," said Brian Watkins, an attorney for sports marketer Lloyd Lake...
Butt Artist's Case Against Former Employer Will Proceed
Posted on February 18, 2008"Butt Artist Trial is Set" was the actual headline of the article at the link below, which informs us that a motion to dismiss Stephen Murmer's lawsuit against his former employer was denied on February 15. Murmer, you may recall, is the teacher who was fired when his school district learned that, in his spare time, Murmer is an artist who paints things with his butt...
Judge Jumps the Gun on Declaring Defendant Guilty
Posted on February 16, 2008The evidence against Joseph Nee, on trial for allegedly plotting a Columbine-style attack at his high school, seems to have been fairly strong. Or at least you could infer that from the fact that the judge in his bench trial announced to a crowded courtroom that the State had proven its case, and was then reminded that closing arguments had not yet been made...
Lowering the Bar's Official Disclaimer and Policies
Posted on February 15, 2008Introduction to the Preamble to the Disclaimer After over a year of doing this, I have finally gotten around to posting an Official Disclaimer and Policies. (Yes, if you were a client, I would move a lot more quickly than that.) These will also be available at any time by simply clicking on the appropriate link in the left-hand column, a link lovingly hand-crafted by me to ensure the best possible clicking experience for you, the reader...
Bill Would Make KFC the "Official Picnic Food of Kentucky"
Posted on February 15, 2008On January 18, Kentucky State Rep. Charles Siler introduced a bill that would designate Kentucky Fried Chicken (specifically, Original Recipe) as the state's "official picnic food." The provision itself is just one sentence, but the preamble offers some interesting details: WHEREAS, Harland Sanders opened his first restaurant in Corbin, Kentucky in 1930; and WHEREAS, Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffoon made Harland Sanders an honorary Kentucky Colonel in recognition of his contributions to the state's cuisine in 1936; and WHEREAS, Colonel Sanders's "Original Recipe" fried chicken was first cooked in Colonel Sanders's restaurant in 1940; and WHEREAS, the first "Kentucky Fried Chicken" franchise restaurant selling the Original Recipe chicken was opened in 1952; and WHEREAS, today, the Original Recipe chicken is sold in more than 11,000 Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants in more than 80 countries and territories around the world, bringing recognition and fame to the Commonwealth of Kentucky; NOW, THEREFORE, Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Kentucky: SECTION 1...
Mustache-Discrimination Case Reaches Indian Supreme Court
Posted on February 14, 2008On Monday, February 11, justices of the Supreme Court of India heard argument in the case of a man who claims he was fired from his job at Indian Airlines because of his sizeable and "elaborate" handlebar mustache. Initial reports were that the justices appeared likely to side with the mustache...
FBI Rejects Waterboarding In Favor of Starbucks
Posted on February 13, 2008Writing on the New York Times website Tuesday, Mike Nizza discussed the revelation that in contrast to the CIA's admitted use of techniques like "waterboarding" to try to get information out of Al Qaeda suspects at Guantanamo, FBI interrogators used less coercive tactics...
Judge Bars Holocaust Float and Dancing Hitlers from Rio's Carnaval
Posted on February 12, 2008On January 31, a judge in Rio de Janeiro issued an order telling a group not to proceed with its plans to offer a float in the city's Carnaval parade because the Holocaust-themed float depicted a heap of naked corpses and one or more dancing Adolf Hitlers...
"Puddles" Scandal Drives Mayor Out of Office
Posted on February 11, 2008Grace Saenz-Lopez, the mayor of Alice, Texas, resigned on February 1 after admitting that she had dognapped a Shih Tzu named "Puddles" that she had been caring for. Not since Nixon's "Checkers" speech has a stupidly named dog been so important to a politician's career...
Overaggressive Handshake Lands Attorney in Jail
Posted on February 11, 2008"It all stems from a handshake," said Gwendolyn Tuggle, who is defending attorney Kathy Brewer-Rentas against charges that she assaulted a federal prosecutor. "It was definitely more than a handshake," said court security officer Gilberto Pay, who witnessed the shake between Brewer-Rentas and Assistant U...
Ballot Proposal to Turn Alcatraz Into "Global Peace Center" Fails
Posted on February 08, 2008Let's take a short break from mourning for the shattered dream of a Romney presidency and remember another casualty of Super Tuesday: the Alcatraz proposal on the San Francisco ballot. Proposition C would have changed city policy towards the island, hoping to turn the former prison into a more uplifting kind of monument, but it failed to pass...
Barack Obama's Fight Against Vampires Set to Music
Posted on February 08, 2008You may know that Barack Obama was president of the Harvard Law Review, but you probably didn't know that he then became engaged in a fight against a secret society of student vampires. Now that story is not only being told, there is a musical version...
Snack Analysis Leads to Thief
Posted on February 06, 2008It seems fairly common for burglars to treat themselves to a snack while they are burgling -- occasionally one will even stop to make himself an omelette or something like that -- but it may become less so if this story is widely distributed in the burglar community...
City Sues to Force Alleged Recycler to Keep Trash Service
Posted on February 06, 2008Eddie House of San Carlos, California, was sued on January 22 by the city of San Carlos, California, for municipal code violations related to garbage. The problem is apparently that Mr. House doesn't generate any. Garbage, that is. House, who claims to "care" about the so-called "environment," says he recycles virtually everything he uses and disposes of what little is left over in ways that makes it unnecessary for him to have his garbage picked up by the city...
Lawsuit Appears Likely Against Collection Agency For Letter Addressed to "Mr. S__t Face"
Posted on February 05, 2008Attorney Kenneth Hiller of Buffalo, New York, says his client plans to sue Nationwide Collections Inc. based on a letter he received in October 2007. The agency was trying to collect an unpaid Columbia House record club membership fee of $16.96, and despite the low amount the letter began somewhat aggressively by addressing the recipient as "Dear S__t...
UPDATE: Driver Drops Lawsuit Against Family of Cyclist He Killed
Posted on January 30, 2008As I (and many, many others) reported last week, Tomas Delgado sued the family of a teenage boy he killed in a traffic accident in 2004, on the grounds that the boy and his bicycle had negligently damaged the front of Delgado's Audi. Due apparently in large part to the public outcry, Delgado dropped the case this morning...
Attorney Held in Contempt for Reading Maxim in Court
Posted on January 29, 2008The WSJ's Law Blog reports today that a judge in North Carolina held an attorney in contempt last week after he saw the attorney reading Maxim magazine in court. For those of you not familiar with Maxim, it is (reportedly) a men's magazine something like Playboy but with slightly more clothing involved...
Mug Offered as Evidence to Prove Defendant Was "World's Greatest Dad"
Posted on January 27, 2008On January 22, defense attorneys representing Cesar Rodriguez conducted a remarkable cross-examination of a detective who had been called to testify against their client. Rodriguez is on trial for the murder of his 7-year-old stepdaughter, Nixzmary Brown...
Cyclist Sued for Damaging Front of Driver's Car
Posted on January 25, 2008A Spanish newspaper reports that businessman Tomas Delgado is suing for damage that 17-year-old Enaitz Iriondo caused to Delgado's car during an accident in 2004. Delgado alleges that Iriondo thoughtlessly caused 20,000 Euros worth of damage to the Audi A8 by allowing his body and bicycle to be impacted by the front end of it while Delgado was trying to speed...
Candidate's Platform: "I Don't Plan to Do the Job"
Posted on January 22, 2008Evidently a strong believer in smaller government, Ed Hamilton says that if elected he will shrink the size of the government in Kerr County, Texas, by at least one job -- his own. Hamilton, a 77-year-old Republican, says that the position of treasurer is an unnecessary one that costs the county $46,000 a year, and ought to be eliminated...
Robber Awarded $1 Million for Violating Probation
Posted on January 22, 2008A judge in Massachusetts has ruled that a convicted two-time bank robber can keep a $1 million lottery prize he won recently, even though playing the lottery violated the terms of his probation. Timothy Elliott pleaded guilty to unarmed robbery in 2006 (he had previously spent two years in jail for the armed kind), and was given five years of probation, which among other things required him not to "gamble, purchase lottery tickets or visit an establishment where gaming is conducted ...
Car's Owner Receives Multiple Parking Tickets For Car That Had Been Stolen
Posted on January 21, 2008San Francisco is a notoriously difficult place to park, not so much because of the hills but because of the relatively small size of the city and its downtown. Adding to the fun is the zeal of its parking control officers. This one may not be their fault, but it's somebody's fault...
Plaintiff Who Visited "Pissed Off Pete's" Alleges Beating by Pete
Posted on January 20, 2008This case report is triggering a new category, "[Lowering the] Bar Exam Questions." Here's the first one:Question 1: Patricia Plaintiff patronized a pub called "Pissed Off Pete's." Pete, who proved to be pissed off, pushed, punched and projected Plaintiff, producing pain...
Court Ruling Will Force Employers to Spank Employees Equally
Posted on January 17, 2008If they are to spank at all, anyway (which this attorney does not recommend). In 2006, a jury in Fresno, California, awarded Janet Orlando about $1.7 million for her claims that she had been spanked at work. Orlando alleged that her employer, Anaheim-based Alarm One, held "contests" for its sales teams and that members of the losing team were deliberately humiliated...
New Addition to Case Law Hall of Fame: The Case of the Stuffed-Bear Donation
Posted on January 16, 2008Whatever you're working on right now, wouldn't you rather be working on a case where the only material issue was who owned the big stuffed bear? Me too. See Pardue v. Turnage, 383 So. 2d 804 (La. App. 1980). The dispute arose in Tangipahoa Parish, in eastern Louisiana...
Debate Over Free-Speech Rights of Chicken Man Rages in Colorado Town
Posted on January 16, 2008While Europe debates whether animals are entitled to constitutional rights like human beings, here in America we are debating the constitutional rights of human beings dressed like animals. The latest dispute over advertising in the form of "mobile signs" or "mascots" is taking place in Woodland Park, Colorado, where the city council is threatening to outlaw Chicken Man...
UPDATE: Monkey Denied Person Status
Posted on January 15, 2008As I reported last October, an Austrian court refused to grant Matthew H. Pan legal standing on the grounds that he is a chimpanzee, and it appears that the Supreme Court of Austria has now affirmed that decision. An animal-rights group had sued on Mr...
What Not to Use as a Disguise, #3: Drywall Compound
Posted on January 14, 2008I think we have enough failed-disguise posts now to consider starting a new category, or at least a sub-category of The Criminal Mind. This does not quite rise to the level of What Not to Use as a Disguise #1 (tree branches) and #2 (duct tape), but it makes the list...
Katrina Victim Sues For Three Quadrillion Dollars
Posted on January 12, 2008No one would question that New Orleans and thousands of its residents suffered enormous damage as a result of Hurricane Katrina. Some people lost everything. One person apparently lost more than everything, since he or she filed a claim against the federal government demanding over three quadrillion dollars -- $3,014,170,389,176,410, to be exact...
Missouri City Council to Consider Ban on Swearing, Bar Dancing
Posted on January 09, 2008Saying that legislation is necessary because the historic downtown area "gets a little too lively on some nights," City Councilman Richard Veit of St. Charles, Missouri (a St. Louis suburb) has proposed a measure that would ban swearing and other lively conduct in the city's drinking establishment...
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I do not owe a bill from over 5 years ago for prepaid elective surgery. A year after the surgery, however, I started getting calls about a bill. I asked repeatedly for a copy of the bill which I never received. Now it's
The hospital or company, by law, must supply you with a copy of the bill. If the...
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