Law Humor
Say What! 
Classic Real-life Texas courtroom humor, most of which comes straight from actual depositions and trials.
Post Frequency: 1.3/day Last Entry: November 19, 2009 at 08:20:00 Recent Entries: 458
By Judge Jerry Buchmeyer
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December 1996 - The Court Reporters
Posted on November 19, 2009December 1996 - The Court Reporters Have Done It Again!Lynn Brooks of Dallas, who is (among other things) the book review editor of the Journal of Court Reporters, writes:Court: To the charge of driving while intoxicated, how do you plead?A. Drunk.***Q, And when was that?A...
October 1993 - Number One Easy
Posted on November 18, 2009October 1993 - Number One Easy StreetFrom Hollis Horton of Beaumont (Orgain, Bell, etc.), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a workers' compensation case - which was settled, "sometime after the deposition, for an amount which reportedly allowed the plaintiff to maintain his standard of living...
September 1993 - More From the
Posted on November 17, 2009September 1993 - More From the Buchmeyer TrialsFrom an environmental criminal trial (the charges were illegal dumping of hazardous wastes):Q. Isn't it a fact that ABC Corporation converted to non-lead glaze in 1990 - two years before your company?A. That is not a fact - and it's not true, either...
November 2000 - Did They Really
Posted on November 16, 2009November 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Bruce D. Bain of Tyler (Bain, Files, Jarrett & Bain), this "rather unique definition" of the term "tangible things" in Interrogatories served on Bruce's female client in a "divorce and custody battle."For the purposed of these interrogatories, the phrase "tangible thing" means any material inanimate object or living organism other than human and also includes any human being or part thereof displaying relevant information communicable in any manner other than by the testimony of that human being.
January 1996 - East Texas SlangFrom
Posted on November 13, 2009January 1996 - East Texas SlangFrom Raymond W. Cozby, III of Tyler (Cowles & Thompson), this closing argument made by his brother, Andrew J. Cozby, the prosecutor in a criminal trial in Houston:Mr. Cozby: Members of the jury, I appreciate your patience during this trial...
October 1995 - Did They Really
Posted on November 12, 2009October 1995 - Did They Really Say That?Q. You are absolutely sure of that?A. I'm positive of that, sir, I think.___Q. Do you know of any witnesses to the accident?A. Well, none except the ones that saw it.___Q. When you got to the hospital, they took 12 stitches in your head?A...
July 1994 - A Tendency to RambleFrom
Posted on November 10, 2009July 1994 - A Tendency to RambleFrom William T. Little of Houston (Gilpin, Paxson & Bersch), this excerpt form the plaintiff's deposition in a personal injury case - with the warning that the witness was a "colorful older gentleman who had a tendency to ramble...
September 1993 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on November 09, 2009September 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From J. Burke McCormick of Richmond, VA (Little, Parsley & Cluverius), this excerpt from a deposition he took "in a construction lawsuit between the developer of a large apartment complex (my client) and the general contractor on the project...
November 1994 - The Cheapest Chickens
Posted on November 06, 2009November 1994 - The Cheapest Chickens in TownFrom Jaki Jones of Houston (Jaki is the secretary of Philip S. Gordon of Gustafon & Venzke), these excerpts from the deposition of Mrs. Jimmie Johnson - the plaintiff's best friend, who saw her (Mrs. McCoy) being assaulted in a grocery store parking lot in Houston...
October 1997 - The Trial: State
Posted on November 05, 2009October 1997 - The Trial: State Your Name PleaseFrom Kathryn M. Kase, of Albany, N.Y. (who "used to be a Texas lawyer"), this excerpt from a murder case tried by her and Terence L. Kindlon, who is conducting cross-examination.Q, Ernest Horge is your name...
September 1995 - Hints From HeloiseFrom
Posted on November 04, 2009September 1995 - Hints From HeloiseFrom Richard A. Hipp of Houston, this excerpt from the deposition of one of the plaintiffs in a "termite case." Richard sets the scene: The plaintiffs discovered several colonies of termites in their newly purchased home; after filing suit, the plaintiff "removed the interior sheetrock from the two bedrooms where the insects were located," choosing to "peacefully coexist" with the termites untreated and with the sheetrock removed - "until these fateful events...
July 1994 - Did He Really Ask That?From
Posted on November 03, 2009July 1994 - Did He Really Ask That?From Barbara LeGrande of Fort Myers, FL ( LeGande & LeGrande), this excerpt form a murder trial; Barbara's client had been found guilty - and her partner and husband, J.L. "Ray" LeGrande, was examining a "mitigation witness," the defendant's brother...
September 1997 - Did They Really
Posted on October 30, 2009September 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Sharon E. Conway of Houston (Evans, Kosot, etc.), this excerpt from the deposition of her client in a DTPA/fraud case, which involved the wrongful repossession of a truck purchased by her client.Q. Has he been treated for any injuries in this case?A...
July 1994 - Did He Really Ask That?From
Posted on October 29, 2009July 1994 - Did He Really Ask That?From Keith M. Fletcher of Houston (Simmons & Fletcher), this excerpt from the deposition of his client in a personal injury/auto accident case.Q. When were you hospitalized?A. '83 at Memorial Southwest. I had my gallbladder taken out by Dr...
November 1996 - To "Wayward in
Posted on October 28, 2009November 1996 - To "Wayward in Port Arthur"From Al Weisenberger of El Paso, this letter - sent to Al by his father, Royce Weisenberger, a retired state district judge in Hope, Ak. - which was written in 1927 by Hope attorney Luke F. Monroe "to an apparently wayward wife in Port Arthur, Texas...
October 1995 - And The Child WitnessQ.
Posted on October 27, 2009October 1995 - And The Child WitnessQ. And lastly, Gary, all of your responses must be oral, okay? What school do you go to?A. Oral.Q. And where do you live?A. Oral.
July 1993 - The Expert and the
Posted on October 26, 2009July 1993 - The Expert and the Tooth FairyFrom Robinson C. Ramsey of Wharton, this excerpt from the deposition of an economist - taken by Darryl Carter of Houston (Soules & Walace).Q. Well, let me ask you this: You've determined that in your best judgment to fully compensate Mr...
July 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?From
Posted on October 23, 2009July 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?From J. Michael Weston of Dallas (Alexander & Weston), this "objection, ruling and aftermath" from a case tried before Judge David Brooks (191st District Court):Q. Mr. Tafacory, on that morning, did you see cars pull into the parking lot at the premises?A...
June 1992 - A Bill Reid "Two-fer"From
Posted on October 22, 2009June 1992 - A Bill Reid "Two-fer"From William (Bill) Reid of Austin (assistant district attorney, and chief of appellant division), this excerpt from a sentencing hearing before Judge Jon Wisser of Austin (299th District Court).The Court: The State of Texas v...
July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing
Posted on October 21, 2009July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing Document TitlePaul J. Van Osselaer of Austin (Van Osselaer, Cronin & Buchanan) and Robert Slovak of Dallas (Gardere Wynne Sewell) ? who are opposing counsel in a case on my docket ? jointly submitted the following:?Paul Van Osselaer of Austin ? was hoping that the alternative relief would be granted just to figure out what is going on...
February 2004 - Making It Through
Posted on October 20, 2009February 2004 - Making It Through The HolidaysThis contribution is from U.S. District Judge Joseph A. DiClerico, Jr. of Concord, N.H. (Joe and I served several years together on the Code of Conduct Committee for federal judges and judicial employees)...
September 1993 - Life Imitates
Posted on October 16, 2009September 1993 - Life Imitates Lawyer JokesFrom Joe Weis of Greenville (Pemberton, Green, Newcomb & Weis), this excerpt from a recent slander trial before Judge Paul Banner of Hunt County. Joe and his partner, Larry Green, represented the defendant, the chair of the board of a local bank...
September 2002 - The "Suicide Question"
Posted on October 15, 2009September 2002 - The "Suicide Question" From U.S. Magistrate Judge Marcie A. Crone of Houston, this "excerpt from a recent employment discrimination" trial in her court in which the Plaintiff alleged mental anguish as well as other claims Q. I'm not asking if you attempted suicide...
November 1996 - Can You Be More
Posted on October 14, 2009November 1996 - Can You Be More Specific?From Cynthia Buhr of Dallas (Carrington, Coleman, etc.), this examination concerning the relationship between the witness and the female plaintiff, his "housemate."Q. Are you in a romantic relationship with Ms...
November 1994 - Thanks for Shooting
Posted on October 13, 2009November 1994 - Thanks for Shooting MeFrom Larry C. Blount of Sulphur Springs (Powers & Blount), this excerpt from a temporary custody hearing; the witness was the mother of the husband (represented by Robert Newsom) and Larry, by his cross-examination, was trying to show the court that the mother was dangerous and should not be around children...
September 1993 - Did She Really
Posted on October 12, 2009September 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Judge Catherine Adamski Gant of Fort Worth (141st) District Court), this excerpt from one of her recent trials:The Court: You may stand down. Do you have any other witnesses?Pro Se Plaintiff: No, I don't.The Court: [As pro se plaintiff resumes her seat at counsel table] Are you resting now?Pro Se Plaintiff: I'm fine...
December 1999 - But There Was No
Posted on October 09, 2009December 1999 - But There Was No InfidelityFrom Les Cochran of Houston (Cochran & Cochran), this excerpt from the deposition of his client in a medical malpractice case.Q. When did that divorce become final?A. Last year.Q. And what were the reasons for that divorce?A...
November 1999 - Nothing More To
Posted on October 08, 2009November 1999 - Nothing More To ProveFrom Greg Butts of Dallas (Law Offices of Richard Schiro), this excerpt from a post-judgment deposition of the debtor-defendant.Q. Well, how about any other sources of income? Anything else that you do or have considered doing in order to increase your income?A...
November 1998 - Did They Really
Posted on October 07, 2009November 1998 - Did They Really Say That?From Robert E. Hollmann of Odessa submits a copy of a completed jury information form from one of his recent trials, which contained these entries:Your occupation: landscaperYour employer: Simpson Apts.Spouse's occupation: housewifeSpouses employer: house
December 1996 - The Custody of
Posted on October 06, 2009December 1996 - The Custody of and Behavior Concerning "Pork Rind"This marvelous contribution comes from U.S. District Judge Sidney A. Fitzwater, who received it from his life-long friend, Stephen R. Bowers (who is a sole practitioner in Elkhart, Ind...
January 2001 - Classic TyposFrom
Posted on October 05, 2009January 2001 - Classic TyposFrom Sue F. Reid of Dallas, this marvelous typo in "an order appointing special commissions ... in an eminent domain proceeding for the appointment of three free-holders (disinterested parties) ... for the county court at law to hear testimony and assess damages ...
May 1995 - The ThinkerFrom Martha
Posted on October 02, 2009May 1995 - The ThinkerFrom Martha Hardwick of Dallas (Bauer, Rentzel, Millard & Hardwick), this deposition excerpt - with Martha's admission that she was "the obviously surprised questioner":Q. What made you decide to do that?A. I am thinking.Q. That's all right...
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis
Posted on October 01, 2009April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...
November 1999 - What Did I Score?From
Posted on September 30, 2009November 1999 - What Did I Score?From Catherine E. Brown Dodson of Amarillo this excerpt "from a hearing in a suit to establish paternity filed in the 181st District Court, the Honorable Samuel C. Kiser presiding."The mother was represented by Arnold N...
September 1999 - From The Buchmeyer
Posted on September 29, 2009September 1999 - From The Buchmeyer CourtQ. Did you take the defendant's deposition?A. Yes, I took his deposition here in the federal building in a room on the 13th floor.Q. And was the defendant present for that deposition?_____Q. Did your husband ever suggest that you answer my questions, "Not that I recall?"A...
May 1990 - Many of Us Have the
Posted on September 28, 2009May 1990 - Many of Us Have the Same Problem TomJerome Aldrich of Angleton (and a Brazoria County assistant district attorney) sent this trial excerpt with the simple observation that it "shows that prosecutor Tom Selleck (not related to the movie star of the same name) and the defense attorney, Lloyd Stansbury, wanted during jury voir dire was an UNBIASED jury...
June 1985 - Have You Ever Been
Posted on September 25, 2009June 1985 - Have You Ever Been in Trouble with the Law?This excerpt from an actual deposition originally appeared in the book "I Solemnly Swear" by Houston court reporter Jerry von Sternberg (Carlton Press, 1978).Q. Have you ever had any trouble with the law?A...
March 2002- And Then Things Went
Posted on September 24, 2009March 2002- And Then Things Went Downhill...From Steven C. Laird of Fort Worth (Russell, Turner, Laird & Jones), a contribution from the trial of a medical negligence case. The excerpt is ?the very beginning of the cross-examination of the plaintiffs? nursing expert? a ?very attractive, statuesque nurse in her early 40?s...
November 2001 - The Truth Would
Posted on September 23, 2009November 2001 - The Truth Would Be FineFrom Jeff Doran of Palestine, these excerpts from his deposition of the opposing party in a will contest.A. We went to his [the lawyer's] office.Q. And what did he give you?A. He gave us some papers, but I don't know what they were...
December 1999 - Read My LipsFrom
Posted on September 22, 2009December 1999 - Read My LipsFrom Cindy Madole of Dallas (Cindy, an attorney with International Paper, was formerly with Shank, Irwin & Concert in Dallas), this excerpt from a deposition taken years ago "in a rather heated securities fraud lawsuit" - by Bill Chaney (who was then with the Shank, Irwin firm, but who is now with Whittenburg, Whittenburg & Shaster)...
November 1996 - Did They Really
Posted on September 21, 2009November 1996 - Did They Really Say That?From John H. Spurgin, II of Austin (McGinnis, Lochridge & Kilgore), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in a wrongful discharge case:Q. Did Rusty White ever attack your person? Did he ever assault you?A...
June 1998 - How Long Were You Dead?From
Posted on September 18, 2009June 1998 - How Long Were You Dead?From Douglas M. Barlow of Beaumont, these excerpts from the voir dire examination in a capital murder case, of a potential juror who seemed "to be an expert on death."Q. Have you ever been arrested for anything else, Mr...
November 1997 - Al Ellis ... In
Posted on September 17, 2009November 1997 - Al Ellis ... In Print Again!From Al Ellis of Dallas (Al is now at Howie & Sweeney, and he claims to be getting a regular paycheck), this two-fer he submitted first by phone, and later by this letter:Dear Jerry:If it weren't for the humor in this business, we would all be babbling (sic) idiots...
November 1996 - Classic TyposFrom
Posted on September 16, 2009November 1996 - Classic TyposFrom "anonymous" in Houston, a form from "a local nursing facility" which contained this handwritten explanation of the reason for termination of an employee:Reason for Separation: Miss Gross Conduct.Anonymous suggests that "perhaps there should be a 'Miss Gross Conduct' Pageant...
September 1995 - Did They Really
Posted on September 15, 2009September 1995 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge David V. Wilson of Lufkin (217th District Court), this excerpt from a temporary hearing to establish paternity. Judge Wilson sets the scene: "The attorney fro the wife, without objection from the husband's attorney, brought out some evidence about the husband physically abusing her (which was totally irrelevant to the subject matter of the hearing)...
October 1992 - Did I Really Ask
Posted on September 14, 2009October 1992 - Did I Really Ask That?From Wayne Tolivar of Gilmer, this excerpt from an early 1992 deposition in which James Moody of Dallas (Strasburger & Price) is questioning Wayne's "client about the operation of the family dairy business."A. No...
May 1994 - Ask a Written QuestionFrom
Posted on September 11, 2009May 1994 - Ask a Written QuestionFrom Jerry W. Corbin of Denver City, who represented the plaintiff in an automobile accident case along with Steve Clark of Andrews, this excerpt from written interrogatories submitted to a doctor - who was "a little more than upset with lawyers in general and this case in particular":Q...
November 2000 - And Were You Successful?From
Posted on September 10, 2009November 2000 - And Were You Successful?From Marcus D. Taylor of Quitman, the Criminal District Attorney of Wood County, this excerpt from the direct examination of the defendant in a criminal sexual assault case - who had returned home at 7:00 o'clock in the morning, and was avoiding telling his wife "exactly" what he had done...
October 1998 - I Hear Voices But
Posted on September 08, 2009October 1998 - I Hear Voices But ...From Charles Zamora of Columbus, Ohio (Charles is also licensed in Texas), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in a workers' compensation case.Q. So it's your testimony then that you are still having hallucinations?A...
September 2000 - The Jury SelectionFrom
Posted on September 04, 2009September 2000 - The Jury SelectionFrom Timothy M. Quill of Missouri City, this voir dire story from a capital murder case that Tim tried in Houston. In her answers to the lengthy jury questionnaire, "one lady indicated that she and her husband were in the process of divorce, a proceeding which the husband had initiated, and about which she sounded quite bitter...
September 1999 - Voir Dire is Like
Posted on September 03, 2009September 1999 - Voir Dire is Like a Box of Chocolates: You Never Know What You're Going to GetFrom Crawford Long of Waco (Crawford is the first assistant district attorney of the Criminal District Attorney's Office of McLennan County), this excerpt from voir dire in a murder trial in the 54th District Court in Waco...
November 1997 - Did They Really
Posted on September 02, 2009November 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Andrew H. Petty of Houston (Alsup & Petty), this paragraph from a discovery request:Request For Production No. 19Please produce all documents Defendant destroyed which relate to matters in Plaintiff's Original Complaint.
October 1995 - Those WitnessesRaise
Posted on September 01, 2009October 1995 - Those WitnessesRaise Your Right HandQ. Do you understand what you are to swear to?A. Yes, sir. I am to swear and tell the truth.Q. That's right. And do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?A. Well, your honor, I expect the other side will win the case...
October 1994 - The Jim Cowles CollectionFrom
Posted on August 31, 2009October 1994 - The Jim Cowles CollectionFrom Jim E. Cowles of Dallas (Cowles & Thompson), this from a plaintiff's deposition - one of the "3,032 plaintiffs ... in the infamous Lone Star Steel cases, pending in Morris County since 1987" - taken by Jim Harris of Beaumont (Holmes & Harris)...
September 1998 - Did They Really
Posted on August 28, 2009September 1998 - Did They Really Say That?From a federal court criminal trial in Dallas:Mr. Hunter: Your Honor, I understand that our witness had gone to the parking lot to retrieve his glasses. So I understand we're going to be penalized for it, but that's what we're waiting for...
September 1997 - Great Moments
Posted on August 27, 2009September 1997 - Great Moments in the History of JusticeFrom District Judge Manuel Banales of the 105th Judicial District (Nueces, Kleberg & Kenedy Counties), this Somewhat Great Moment in which "History - of sorts - was made in [his] courtroom [in] Kleberg County on March 11, 1997...
June 1994 - Doing Voir DireFrom
Posted on August 25, 2009June 1994 - Doing Voir DireFrom Jon L. Anderson of Lufkin, this excerpt from the voir dire in a capital murder case in Angelina County before Judge David Wilson (217th District Court). Jon was the defense attorney, and the prosecutor was Angelina County District Attorney Clyde Herrington...
December 1997 - I Did a BuchmeyerFrom
Posted on August 24, 2009December 1997 - I Did a BuchmeyerFrom Jeffrey Hirt of Houston, this excerpt from his examination of the present wife of his client:Q. Gina, how long have you known your stepdaughters?A. Actually, since before they were born. When Joan was still pregnant...
December 1996 - Objectionable ObjectionsFrom
Posted on August 21, 2009December 1996 - Objectionable ObjectionsFrom Joseph A. Fischer, III of Houston (Mayor, Day, etc.), this rather imaginative - but certainly useful - objection made by the opposing attorney during the plaintiff's deposition.Q. (By Mr. Fischer): So your testimony is that your failure to remember what was provided to you makes what was provided to you inadequate?Plaintiff's Attorney: Objection to the form of the question...
May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom
Posted on August 20, 2009May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom Thomas A. Chambers of Liberty, this excerpt from the cross-examination of the defendant in a criminal assault case.Q. You were mad when you went to [the victim's] door, weren't you?A. No, but I was real pissed off.
May 1998 - Classic TyposFrom Patrick
Posted on August 19, 2009May 1998 - Classic TyposFrom Patrick Shaw of Dallas (Woodward Shaw & Howell), from a letter by a Dallas mediator:... the March 20, 1998 date of 1:30 p.m. is confirmed unless all three of you agree to medicate at 8:30 a.m._____From Susan K. Pavlica of Houston (Mayer, Brown & Platt), from a transmittal letter to the district clerk:Pursuant to the Court's instructions, I am an Amended Notice of Oral Hearing ...
September 1997 - Did They Really
Posted on August 18, 2009September 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Philip R. Russ of Amarillo, this contribution of a father being cross-examined during the trial of an oil and gas lease case:Q. Well, I mean why should we believe anything that's coming out of your mouth as you sit here right now?A...
September 1995 - Did They Really
Posted on August 17, 2009September 1995 - Did They Really Say That?From John Adams of Austin (John is the clerk of the Texas Supreme Court), this excerpt from a letter by an attorney requesting to be "placed on inactive status" because of a medical breakthrough.Dear Sir:I have been an active member of the Texas Bar Association since _____...
December 1998 - I Love an Honest
Posted on August 14, 2009December 1998 - I Love an Honest ManFrom Stuart Smith of Waco (Naman, Howell, Smith & Lee), this excerpt from the deposition of an eye witness to an accident.Q. Did y'all ever go out and do anything together?A. Yeah, a time or two.Q. Did he seem to be having trouble with his hand?A...
April 2001 - Classic Typo'sFrom
Posted on August 13, 2009April 2001 - Classic Typo'sFrom Alan M. McGraw of Round Rock, this typo from "a real estate contract recently proposed by a California lawyer."... the prevailing party shall be entitled to recover any amounts that the courts may judge to be reasonable attorneys' feed from the opposing party...
July 2000 - What Was That Date
Posted on August 12, 2009July 2000 - What Was That Date Again?From Amy Hanner of Austin (Amy is a legal assistant to Velva L. Price of the firm of Kothmann & Associates), this excerpt from a deposition taken by Velva Price - who is the president-elect of the Travis County Bar Association...
July 1998 - Those JurorsFrom G.
Posted on August 10, 2009July 1998 - Those JurorsFrom G. David Ringer of Dallas (McKinley, Ringer & Zeiger), this response to a jury questionnaire from a trial David had in Rockwall County:How long have you lived in this county? All my life.Where did you previously live? Chicago.
September 1995 - The Wonderful
Posted on August 07, 2009September 1995 - The Wonderful World of Pro SeFrom Preston W. McGee of Tyler (Potter, Minton, etc.), these two marvelous pro se motions that were astutely denied by Magistrate Judge Judith K. Guthrie.Come Now Henry W. _____, plaintiff in the above-entitled and numbered cause, to file this motion to personally conduct a deposition on each and every member for the grand jury to see if their blood is not tainted...
July 1997 - Couldn't ResistIn a
Posted on August 06, 2009July 1997 - Couldn't ResistIn a motion filed in one of my cases, the defendant's attorney presented this classic typo: "Large portions of the Plaintiff's Affidavits are inadmissable heresy." After I stopped laughing, the only thing I could do was enter this Order:The Defendant's Motion To Strike Plaintiff's Summary Judgment Affidavits is GRANTED but only to the Following Extent: the request on page 2 to strike those portions of the affidavits as "inadmissable heresy" is GRANTED, and these heretical portions of the affidavits SHALL first have a wooden stake driven through them and next shall be boiled in oil!!SO ORDERED.
February 1999 - Did They Really
Posted on August 05, 2009February 1999 - Did They Really Ask That?From Donald J. Hahn of Dallas (Collins, Norman & Basinger), this question that a lawyer asked his client in a hearing in Probate Court No. 2 (Judge Robert E. Price):Q. Now, Mrs. Smith, is it true that you were well acquainted with John Smith as a result of the fact that you were married to him for over 55 years?
April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis
Posted on August 04, 2009April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis contribution from David W. Lindemood of Midland is from a CPS trial before District Judge Dean Rucker (318th District Court) in which Lindemood was the attorney ad litem for the child. The witness, who was the CASA guardian ad litem, is being questioned by Chris McCormack of Midland...
October 1996 - The Judicial CornerFrom
Posted on August 03, 2009October 1996 - The Judicial CornerFrom District Judge Willie B. DuBose of Midland (385th District Court), this excerpt from a cocaine possession case he tried earlier this year. Judge DuBose sets the scene: Tom Parker, assisted by Bob Stevens, was representing the defendant and Wayne Frost was prosecuting...
June 1992 - Of the Rankest SortFrom
Posted on July 31, 2009June 1992 - Of the Rankest SortFrom Robert Finlay of Honolulu, HI, this testimony from "a hotly contested murder trial" involving a difficult, albeit zoological, point of evidence:Prosecutor: On the photograph, what are on the brown, blood-like smudge?Mr...
June 1996 - My Father Which Was
Posted on July 30, 2009June 1996 - My Father Which Was My GrandfatherFrom John E. Athey of Austin, this "document" which he found in the Real Property Records of Travis County (and which had been filed July 27, 1994).TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:I JAMES PATRICK WOLF II and JAMES PATRICK SHUFF III, are One of the same person...
December 1990 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on July 29, 2009December 1990 - I'm Glad We Cleared That Up: Bulls & SnakesFrom Farrell Bolz of Houston, these excerpts from "the deposition of [Huntly B. Farichild] an elderly landowner of Sunshine, LA, whose bull wandered through a gate and then highway fence, and was struck by my client's [truck] in the middle of an intersate highway...
October 2001 - The Potted Plant
Posted on July 28, 2009October 2001 - The Potted Plant RuleFrom Thomas E. Quirk of San Antonio (Aaron & Quirk), this excerpt from a plaintiff's deposition in a case he is handling. Thomas adds: "We thought the client was wise to advise his lawyer properly."Q. Then what?A...
June 1985 - How Did the Accident
Posted on July 27, 2009June 1985 - How Did the Accident Happen?This excerpt from an actual deposition originally appeared in the book "I Solemnly Swear" by Houston court reporter Jerry von Sternberg (Carlton Press, 1978).Q. What happened then?A. The last thing I remember I see a car up in the air, and I knew I was being turned...
April 2001 - Classic TyposFrom
Posted on July 24, 2009April 2001 - Classic TyposFrom Danna Mayhill of Athens, this typo from a response she received to her request for disclosure in a modification of custody case:Q. State the legal theories and in general, the factual basis of the claims or defenses of _____ Sims...
October 2000 - The Nothing ManFrom
Posted on July 23, 2009October 2000 - The Nothing ManFrom Lyle H. Jeanes, II of Dallas (Paul B. Van Ness Associates), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a personal injury car accident case. The plaintiff's counsel was Earl Drott of Tyler. Dennis Black of Tyler (Ramey & Flock) is asking the questions, starting with:Q...
June 2000 - The Word on the StreetFrom
Posted on July 22, 2009June 2000 - The Word on the StreetFrom District Judge Robert P. Brotherton of Wichita Falls (30th District Court), this rather contentious "debate" during a deposition in a suit involving several defendants. Judge Brotherton adds: "In true Jack Webb fashion, the names have been changed to protect the innocent...
May 1999 - Did They Really Say
Posted on July 21, 2009May 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Jane Portis Davis of Texarkana (Jane is the legal assistant for J. David Crisp of Crisp, Jordan & Boyle), this excerpt from the deposition of an examining physician in an asbestosis case who gave this explanation of the plaintiff's shortness of breath:"...
June 1998 - May I Approach the
Posted on July 20, 2009June 1998 - May I Approach the Witness?From Judge Scott Wisch of Fort Worth (372nd District Court), this excerpt from one of his criminal trials.Mr Platt: May I approach the witness, Judge?The Defendant: Yeah.The Court: Do you have a middle name that I don't know about?The Defendant: No...
October 1997 - Do You Speak English?From
Posted on July 17, 2009October 1997 - Do You Speak English?From John Phillip Mustachio of Houston, this excerpt from the trial testimony of "the plaintiff, whose first language is Greek."Q. What I'm trying to do, Mr. Emmanouil, is to show that you have quite a bit of experience in owning and operating real estate, do you not?A...
December 1996 - Them HoesFrom William
Posted on July 16, 2009December 1996 - Them HoesFrom William A. Bratton, III of Dallas, this excerpt from the examination of a government witness in a criminal case. Assistant U.S. Attorney Robert Webster is questioning the witness about some tape-recorded conversations she had with the defendant:Q...
June 1996 - Those ExpertsFrom D'Juanna
Posted on July 15, 2009June 1996 - Those ExpertsFrom D'Juanna Parks of Beaumont/Port Arthur (Provost & Umphrey), this excerpt from the deposition of the treating physician of her client, the defendant.Q. But just based on your knowledge as a physician, some patients you would expect would not have back or neck injuries?A...
October 1995 - Well, How Did The
Posted on July 14, 2009October 1995 - Well, How Did The Accident Happen?Q. How on earth did you come to get so completely intoxicated?A. I got in bad company. You see, there were four of us. I had a bottle of whiskey and the other three don't touch the stuff.
September 1994 - Classic Typos(1)
Posted on July 13, 2009September 1994 - Classic Typos(1) From a full-page ad by a personal injury/products liability, etc. law firm in the Albuquerque, NM yellow pages:INSURED? We Can Help You. PROVEN RESULTS! 24 Hr. Service. Free Consultation. No Fee Until Successful (Costs May Be Additional)...
May 1994 - Did They Really Say
Posted on July 10, 2009May 1994 - Did They Really Say That?From James R. Sutterfield of New Orleans (Hoffman, Sutterfield, etc.), this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff in a maritime personal injury case. Jim sets the stage by explaining: "We have all counseled our clients to tell the truth; we all know that criminal convictions are much more damaging when they are lied about first; and we have all been mistaken in what we thought we were told...
September 2001 - Case ContinuedFrom
Posted on July 09, 2009September 2001 - Case ContinuedFrom District Judge Burt Carnes of Georgetown (368th Judicial District) this marvelous (!) "announcement of ready" that came from Ms. Sara Naylor at a Monday docket call - after "a particularly violent thunderstorm had rolled through the area...
June 2000 - Did They Really Say
Posted on July 08, 2009June 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From William S. Hommel, Jr. of Tyler (McGee, Hommel & Starr), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in a personal injury case.Q. Do you have any idea what your condition is? ... I mean, some people say, "Well, I got a herniated disk in my back...
October 2000 - Did They Really
Posted on July 07, 2009October 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Thomas B. Alleman of Dallas (Winstead, Sechrest & Minick), this entry he found scribbled in the nurse's notes concerning a patient:3/28/98 - Spoke with wife who said, "He just bit me on the hand, fortunately he didn't have any teeth in...
October 1998 - Verbal Typo'sFrom
Posted on July 06, 2009October 1998 - Verbal Typo'sFrom H. Deloyd Bailey of Provo, Utah - who is licensed to practice in Texas - this lawyer exchange which took place in his deposition of the doctor in a medical malpractice case.Mr. Mautz: All counsel here today are just, you know, we're really put out at the time you've taken over each one of those words...
December 1997 - Did They Really
Posted on July 02, 2009December 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Louis Scofield, Jr. of Beaumont (Mehaffy & Weber), this excerpt from the trial of a personal injury case "against a local establishment where they serve drinks and people dance."Q. Was there anyone else sitting at your table?A...
October 1997 - Do You Speak English?From
Posted on July 01, 2009October 1997 - Do You Speak English?From Gerald T. Culver of Houston (Gerald is a certified fraud examiner, Special Crimes Bureau of the Harris County District Attorney's office), this marvelous (!!) excerpt from a motion for new trial hearing in a criminal case:Q...
October 2000 - What Kind of Medication
Posted on June 29, 2009October 2000 - What Kind of Medication Is It?From Judge Richard A. Beacon, Jr. of Greenville (354th District Court), this excerpt from the voir dire examination by defense counsel Ron Ferguson during a felon-in-possession of a firearm trial.Mr. Ferguson: Anyone here have something that has to happen at 5:30? They've got to pick up the kids at daycare? Got to take medicine at 5:30? They've got to have dinner on the table at 6:00? No?Prospective Juror: I have to have medicine during the day, but I carry it with me...
January 2002 - Did They Really
Posted on June 26, 2009January 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From Al Ellis of Dallas (Al is of counsel with Howie & Sweeney), this excerpt from ?a routine personal injury deposition? in which he received ?the final answer as to why the divorce occurred.?Q. What was the reason for your mom?s first divorce, if you know?A...
July 1999 - Praying with Judge
Posted on June 24, 2009July 1999 - Praying with Judge Buddie HahnThe contribution from District Judge Buddie J. Hahn of Orange (260th Judicial District) that was printed in the May 1999 et cetera - where the defendant being sentenced said, "I would like to just bow in prayer before I start" - caused Rodney Price of Vidor to send me the following story:The account of Judge Buddie Hahn and the prayerful defendant brought to mind the Judge's own praying incident of several years ago...
November 1999 - Did They Really
Posted on June 23, 2009November 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Robert C. McCabe of Houston (Oldenettel & McCabe), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in his suit against a real estate agent:My question is really simple: Is this listing agreement the one that related to the listing that this listing agreement relates to?
July 1993 - Did She Really Say
Posted on June 19, 2009July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.
September 2000 - Scary SexFrom
Posted on June 18, 2009September 2000 - Scary SexFrom Michael F. White of Killeen (Libersky & White), this revealing excerpt from his deposition of the wife in a temporary hearing in a divorce case involving [her] request for a restraining order.Q. You say that you are terrified and fearful of Mr...
October 1999 - Did They Really
Posted on June 17, 2009October 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge Joe M. Leonard of Greenville (196th District Court), this excerpt from "a hearing on a protective order."Judge Leonard: The state by their evidence is claiming family violence.Defendant: Yeah, that's why I was trying to show you guys, I mean...
May 1999 - Let's All Bow in PrayerFrom
Posted on June 16, 2009May 1999 - Let's All Bow in PrayerFrom District Judge Buddie J. Hahn of Orange (260th Judicial District), this excerpt from the sentencing hearing in one of his cases:Defense Counsel: And have you asked me for the opportunity to address the judge, the jury, and the court about this particular incident?Defendant: That's correct...
Did They Really Say That? - October
Posted on June 15, 2009Did They Really Say That? - October 2000From Bill Boyd of McKinney (Boyd & Veigel), this excerpt from a deposition he took.Q. Now, how many members of Lisa's family ... are there that are alive and around and that show up from time to time at family reunions or events?A...
The Return of the Forces of Light
Posted on June 12, 2009The Return of the Forces of Light v. the Powers of Darkness - March 2000John Albach's "End of the World" contributions that appeared in the January 2000 column spawned two contributions of unusual, but very "nice" contract provisions:(1) From Jack Hazlewood of Amarillo, who years ago "happened to stumble on to Roy Rogers' contract with his movie studio (or maybe his agent)" in Nichols Encyclopedia of Legal Forms, this clause buried "deep in the fine print":Actor [Roy Rogers] shall never in performance to which he is assigned or which he agrees to perform be presented in any role other than the unalterable and unswerving enemy of evil, injustice, and wrong; but shall always be portrayed in roles in which he is to appear as the constant and dedicated champion of right and justice...
Taking a Break - September 1995From
Posted on June 11, 2009Taking a Break - September 1995From Robert A. Schwartz of Houston, this excerpt from the deposition of his client, the plaintiff in a DTPA case, who contended that the defendant had falsely represented that a condominium unit, including the roof, was "new or virtually new" - but that the roof had to be replaced shortly after the purchase...
Industrial Strength Stupid - July
Posted on June 10, 2009Industrial Strength Stupid - July 1998From Judge David L. Hodges of Waco (County Court at Law), this excerpt from a jury trial in which the State was seeking to commit the patient to the Austin State Hospital because he "had been depressed with suicidal tendencies...
Classic Typos - September 1995From
Posted on June 09, 2009Classic Typos - September 1995From Judge Lucius D. Bunton of Midland (W.D. Texas), from a brief filed with the Fifth Circuit:Judge Walter, in his reasons, noted that the reputation of plaintiff's attorney is formidable. Willie Gary is a nationally renounced attorney having a celebrity client list...
Headaches and Interrogatories -
Posted on June 08, 2009Headaches and Interrogatories - July 1995From Donald Lee Wolf of Tyler (Calame, Linebarger etc.), these responses for admission presumably submitted by "someone suffering from Post 1040A Syndrome." (These answers were prepared by Al D. Thigpen of Tyler...
Matters of Opinion - October 1994John
Posted on June 05, 2009Matters of Opinion - October 1994John E. Clark of San Antonio (Goode, Casseb & Jones) - speaking with authority, as "an ex-appellate judge" - quite correctly urges me "not to overlook the carefully chosen words of our Learned Appellate Courts when you need one more item (besides trials & depositions) for et cetera...
February 2002 - Did He Really Say
Posted on June 04, 2009February 2002 - Did He Really Say That?From Paul A. Leche of Austin (Paul is General COunsel of the Texas Department of HumanServices), this contribution:Years ago in Washington, D.C., I had a case before a large federal agency in which I was eager to call as a witness a highly placed administrator in tha agency...
April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis
Posted on June 03, 2009April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis contribution from David W. Lindemood of Midland is from a CPS trial before District Judge Dean Rucker (318th District Court) in which Lindemood was the attorney ad litem for the child. The witness, who was the CASA guardian ad litem, is being questioned by Chris McCormack of Midland...
July 1993 - Did She Really Say
Posted on June 02, 2009July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.
February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom
Posted on June 01, 2009February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom Thomas G. Sharpe, Jr. of San Antonio (Whetley & Sharpe), this excerpt from his deposition of a defendant regarding the collection of a judgment for Tom's client:Q. First of all, what I'm asking, sir, is what are you going to do to pay this judgment?A...
June 1992 - A Bill Reid "Two-fer"From
Posted on May 29, 2009June 1992 - A Bill Reid "Two-fer"From William (Bill) Reid of Austin (assistant district attorney, and chief of appellant division), this excerpt from a sentencing hearing before Judge Jon Wisser of Austin (299th District Court).The Court: The State of Texas v...
July 1997 - Did They Really Say
Posted on May 28, 2009July 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From John T. McCully of Dallas, this excerpt from the examination of a police officer in a DWI case:Q. At the time the defendant stepped out of the car ... did you have any idea that this may be a driving while intoxication investigation?A...
November 1994 - Pleading of the
Posted on May 27, 2009November 1994 - Pleading of the MonthFrom Carol A. Bourgeois, CLA of Austin (Carol is a paralegal with Babb & Bradshaw), this jury demand filed in Travis County by Eric Yollick of The Woodlands:Comes now M&M Conracting, Inc., Defendant, and states that, pursuant to the Constitution of our beloved United States of America and pursuant to the Constitution of the Great, Sovereign, and Mighty State of Texas, the Lone Star State and Home of the World Champion Houston Rockets, M&M Contractors demands a trial by a jury of its peers and declares that all fees, which the learned Rules of Civil Procedure and the laws of our beautiful State, Home of El Capitan in the West and Piney Woods of the East, have been paid.
May 2004 - Ask A Stupid Question
Posted on May 26, 2009May 2004 - Ask A Stupid Question ?Hal Monk of Bedford, who confesses that he has enjoyed the et cetera column for so many years that he ?feels plum guilty for not having sent ? any contributions in the past,? sent in this excerpt from the January 1993 deposition of Hollywood celebrity Zsa Zsa Gabor, Monk?s client...
July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's
Posted on May 22, 2009July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's ColumnFrom Loren G. Klitsas of Houston (Celedonia, Smith & Klitsas), this excerpt from the long cross-examination of an investigating police officer "recording his opinions as to the cause of the traffic accident."Q...
December 2001 - Did They Really
Posted on May 21, 2009December 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge Ralph H. Walton, Jr., of Granbury, 355th Judicial District), this excerpt ?from the direct examination by the prosecutor in a recent driving-while-intoxicated case in [his] court in which the elderly, hard-of-hearing ?Uncle Billy? was called to testify...
October 1993 - Back to the BasicsFrom
Posted on May 20, 2009October 1993 - Back to the BasicsFrom Charles R. Erickson of Houston (Triton Tool & Supply), these deposition excerpts from a "typical oilfield personal injury case with numerous defendants, cross-plaintiffs and, of course, attorneys":Q. Are you married?A...
January 1989 - What Was That Again?From
Posted on May 19, 2009January 1989 - What Was That Again?From Judge David G. Lewis of Dumas (Moore County Court of Law), this excerpt from a recent divorce custody trial in Moore County.Q. And what did you do that night?A. We made and sent out some fliers. [Being the West Texas pronunciation of "flowers"]Q...
February 2001 - Did They Really
Posted on May 18, 2009February 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From David L. Zedler of Sherman, this contribution that occurred during testimony in a recent jury trial.A. The last time I saw [the child who was the subject of the suit], she was eating a bowl of goldfish.Mr...
April 1999 - But How Dead Is He?From
Posted on May 15, 2009April 1999 - But How Dead Is He?From Randall D. Terrell of Austin (Hill, Gilstrap, etc.) this excerpt from a deposition in which "John C. Wilson was questioning [and] George Thompson was attempting to elevate the discussion."Q. Did you see a doctor at that time...
April 2007 - I Think He Disagrees
Posted on May 14, 2009April 2007 - I Think He Disagrees with the VerdictThis contribution ? and the title ? are from Judge Marvin L. Moore of Midland (County Court at Law No. 2). At the conclusion of a DWI trial in Judge Moore?s court, the jury returned a verdict of ?not guilty,? but the prosecutor disagreed with the verdict and the following exchange took place:THE COURT: Let me go ahead and read the verdict...
July 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?From
Posted on May 13, 2009July 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?From J. Michael Weston of Dallas (Alexander & Weston), this "objection, ruling and aftermath" from a case tried before Judge David Brooks (191st District Court):Q. Mr. Tafacory, on that morning, did you see cars pull into the parking lot at the premises?A...
December 1994 - Did He Really Say
Posted on May 12, 2009December 1994 - Did He Really Say That?From Michael J. Black of San Antonio (Burns & O'Gorman), this excerpt from a personal injury deposition taken by Sam Houston Knutson of Mike's firm:A. We just really discussed the tests.Q. Okay. And what did Dr...
June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph
Posted on May 11, 2009June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph Jacobson, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 49, No. 4 ? April 1986.Q. Isn?t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?A. Yes, it is, but you can?t prove it!
October 1997 - The PleaPromises,
Posted on May 08, 2009October 1997 - The PleaPromises, Promises...From Michael D. Valicek of San Antonio, this paragraph in a not-so-standard plea agreement in a criminal case in Comal County (22nd Judicial District).3. My plea is entered without any persuasion, and I have not been promised nothing for entering this plea.
June 1994 - Doing Pro SeFrom a
Posted on May 07, 2009June 1994 - Doing Pro SeFrom a pro se pleading recently filed with Judge Eileen O'Neal of Houston (190th District Court), the "friendliest introduction" that she's ever received:Now comes Plaintiff Ronald Dwayne Whitfield, and says to the honorable judge of this court, "Hello...
October 1992 - Death and/or TaxesFrom
Posted on May 06, 2009October 1992 - Death and/or TaxesFrom J. Mark Hansen of Dallas (Vial, Hamilton, etc.), this excerpt from "a deposition I took recently [which] comes under the heading "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."Q. Have I named all the places you've lived in your life as best as you can remember?A...
June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?James
Posted on May 05, 2009June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?James P. Walker, Jr. of Dallas (McKinley, Dubner) shares an excerpt from the deposition of a bankruptcy debtor who is serving time for stock fraud at the La Tuna Federal Corrections Institution. This cross-examination is by Wade Williams of Galveston (Mills, Shirley)...
June 1985 - Have You Ever Been
Posted on May 04, 2009June 1985 - Have You Ever Been in Trouble with the Law?This excerpt from an actual deposition originally appeared in the book "I Solemnly Swear" by Houston court reporter Jerry von Sternberg (Carlton Press, 1978).Q. Have you ever had any trouble with the law?A...
July 1989 - How Much Did You Have
Posted on May 01, 2009July 1989 - How Much Did You Have to Drink?Defendant: (Charged with drunk driving) Your Honor, I only had one for the road.Judge: How many did you have for the ditch?___Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your defense?Defendant: Habitual Thirstiness?
October 1991 - Summer ClerkingFinally!
Posted on April 30, 2009October 1991 - Summer ClerkingFinally! The first et cetera contributions from summer clerks from McCleod, Alexander, Powel & Apffel of Galveston (and Houston).From Jennifer E. Patton, excerpts from a deposition in a real estate dispute - with Jennifer's explanation that the plaintiff's attorney is deposing the owner of some adjoining property (a doctor); that the defense attorney "had been objecting 'almost continuously;'" and that, after this went on "for quite some time" the good doctor" decided to strike back:"Def...
May 2005 - The Juror NoteThis contribution
Posted on April 29, 2009May 2005 - The Juror NoteThis contribution is from District Judge Gary L. Clingman of Lovington, N.M. It is a note "written on the back of a response to a post-jury service comment/suggestion survey we regularly send out!""I have a comment, or complaint about one of the public defenders' lawyers...
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on April 24, 2009May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From
Posted on April 23, 2009May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge David Cleveland of Palo Pinto (29th District Court), this testimony from the trial of will contest involving two wills left by Walter Howeth:Q. When did you last see Walter?A. At the funeral.Q. Did he make any comment to you at that time?A...
June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph
Posted on April 22, 2009June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph Jacobson, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 49, No. 4 ? April 1986.Q. Isn?t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?A. Yes, it is, but you can?t prove it!
May 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?In
Posted on April 21, 2009May 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?In a murder trial, the policeman testified, "When I arrived, the victim was still alive and he said ..."At this point, the witness was abruptly interrupted by the judge, with stern warning that the witness should not say anything else until it was determined whether the evidence was admissible...
April 1991 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on April 20, 2009April 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?Tom Whitlock of Denton contributes this trial excerpt from "a mental health probable cause hearing in which he represented the proposed patient." Tom is cross-examining the mother of his client:Q.Has she ever [acted suicidal] or threatened to hurt anyone else?A...
September 1997 - Did He Really
Posted on April 17, 2009September 1997 - Did He Really Say That?From Walter Cowger of Dallas (Akin, Gump), this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff in a wrongful discharge case.Q. Did you come here today [from Oregon] just for this deposition?A. Yes, I did.Q. You're not planning to move back to Texas anytime soon?A...
May 1985 - Were You in the Military
Posted on April 16, 2009May 1985 - Were You in the Military ServiceQ. Were you in the Army?A. No sir, I didn't go.Q. Why?A. Well, when I was ready to leave they said, 'Well, everything is over,' and I say, 'Okay,' So I didn't go.
June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles
Posted on April 14, 2009June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles W. Hury of McAllen received this last page of an apartment lease guaranty form from a friend whose son is attending Texas A&M.7. Binding Nature. This Guaranty shall be binding upon and unsure to the benefit of the parties hereto and there respective heirs, legal representatives, successors and assigns...
February 1997 - I'm Not Sober,
Posted on April 13, 2009February 1997 - I'm Not Sober, But ...From David L. Traylor of Dallas, this exchange that took place recently before U.S. District Judge Joe Kendall (Dallas Division, Northern District of Texas):Judge: As you stand here today, are you sober?Defendant: No, I'm not sober...
April 1999 - Using the Faculties
Posted on April 10, 2009April 1999 - Using the Faculties From Gregory P. Propes of Denton (Gregory is an appellate attorney in the Denton County District Attorney's Office), this excerpt from a DWI trial before Judge Jim E. Crouch (County Criminal Court No. 1). Assistant District Attorney Debra Bender was the prosecutor and Joshua Webber of Dallas was the defense attorney...
June 1996 - Typo's (Classic &
Posted on April 09, 2009June 1996 - Typo's (Classic & Otherwise) From Roger A. Berger of Houston (Glover, Anderson, etc.), this typo from answers to interrogatories by the plaintiff in a medical malpractice case, where the plaintiff was "claiming unnecessary surgery and claiming that his symptoms (before the operation) were not caused by gallstones or an inflammation": Interrogatory No...
November 1994 - Is That Clear?From
Posted on April 08, 2009November 1994 - Is That Clear?From William R. Kendall of Reno, NV (Laxalt & Nomura), this excerpt from his deposition of a safety engineer in a slip and fall case:Q. Were you aware that Mr. Lowe testified that he slipped off of one of the stairs and fell down the stairs?A...
May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom
Posted on April 07, 2009May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom W. Bernard Whitney of Fort Worth, this excerpt from the deposition of the defendant-husband in a case involving the mental and physical ability of his wife - who was "the testatrix in 1984 and who subsequently died in May 1992":Q...
July 1993 - Did She Really Say
Posted on April 06, 2009July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.
February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom
Posted on April 03, 2009February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom Thomas G. Sharpe, Jr. of San Antonio (Whetley & Sharpe), this excerpt from his deposition of a defendant regarding the collection of a judgment for Tom's client:Q. First of all, what I'm asking, sir, is what are you going to do to pay this judgment?A...
January 1990 - Let's Be Particularly
Posted on April 02, 2009January 1990 - Let's Be Particularly CarefulFrom Robert F. Alexander of Houston, this testimony from a cocaine possession trial before a jury and Judge Miron Love (177th District Court, Harris County). The cocaine was allegedly found by the jail officer/witness during a "routine inventory search"; on cross, Robert is trying to establish that this "client was quite sober during his search...
November 1989 - Let's Be Particularly
Posted on April 01, 2009November 1989 - Let's Be Particularly Careful Out ThereFrom Judge James A. Blackstock of Angleton (County Court at Law No. 3 and Probate Court), this bit of direct examination by the state's attorney who is interrupted by an objection by the guardian ad litem for the children...
January 2000 - How Alive Is He?From
Posted on March 31, 2009January 2000 - How Alive Is He?From Robert W. Hedrick of Fort Worth (Hartless, Patton & Hedrick), this excerpt from the deposition of the wife (Robert's client) in a divorce case. The husband's attorney "is inquiring about the wife's ownership of stock in a family corporation, and the wife is claiming the stock under the term's of the husband's will...
January 1989 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on March 27, 2009January 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?From Judge Jerome Jones, probate judge in Galveston, this marvelous exchange - which took place in a will contest trial when the attorney was examining "a woman friend" of the deceased.Q. And so you had a conversation with the deceased prior to his death...
May 1985 - What About Your Job?Q.
Posted on March 26, 2009May 1985 - What About Your Job?Q. What do you do for a living?A. I help my brother.Q. What does your brother do?A. Nothing.***Q. You said you went to Galveston in 1920, yet the first job you told me about was in 1946. What did you do between 1920 and 1946?A...
July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell
Posted on March 25, 2009July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell the Truth...Judge: (To young witness) Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?Witness: Yes, I would go to hell.Judge: Is that all?Witness: Isn't that enough?
November 1997 - A Lot of LotFrom
Posted on March 24, 2009November 1997 - A Lot of LotFrom Ronnie W. Baham, Jr. of Houston (Brown, Sims, Wise & White), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in a personal injury case which, Ronnie submits, might get "a lot" of laughs.Q. What kind of work do you do on this house you just moved into? Carpentry work?A...
June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles
Posted on March 23, 2009June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles W. Hury of McAllen received this last page of an apartment lease guaranty form from a friend whose son is attending Texas A&M.7. Binding Nature. This Guaranty shall be binding upon and unsure to the benefit of the parties hereto and there respective heirs, legal representatives, successors and assigns...
September 1998 - Peanuts Are A
Posted on March 20, 2009September 1998 - Peanuts Are A Different DealFrom Robert N. Nebb of Lubbock (Robert practices with Michael H. Carper), this excerpt from a deposition taken in a case pending before U.S. District Judge Sam Cummings, in which the complaint alleged that the construction of a natural gas pipeline caused damage to the plaintiff's cotton and bean crops...
March 1998 - But I'll Try To Do
Posted on March 19, 2009March 1998 - But I'll Try To Do BetterEmmett Colvin of Dallas (Of Counsel to Bruner, McColl) admists that "the late Jim Bowie ? of Dallas, not the Alamo ? and I told this story so many times with embellishments, that the truth may been lost in the process...
May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom
Posted on March 18, 2009May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom W. Bernard Whitney of Fort Worth, this excerpt from the deposition of the defendant-husband in a case involving the mental and physical ability of his wife - who was "the testatrix in 1984 and who subsequently died in May 1992":Q...
April 1995 - Well That's Entirely
Posted on March 17, 2009April 1995 - Well That's Entirely Different!From Danny L. Tran of Houston (Danny is a paralegal with Able & Monroe), this excerpt from the husband's deposition in a divorce case in San Angelo, being taken by Levert J. Able:Q. Now, in addition to money that you had with Turner, Eppler & Guerin -A...
February 2001 - Industrial Strength
Posted on March 16, 2009February 2001 - Industrial Strength Stupid QuestionsFrom Stephen B. Schulte of Kerrville (Keith, Weber & Mosty), "the worst deposition questions" he has ever heard:Q. And finally, if we can, Mr. Manne, the - that last sentence goes on to say, you know, after you're saying that it's the position we have taken - and, by the way, let me just ask you about that...
June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From
Posted on March 13, 2009June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From a telephone hearing conducted by one of the bankruptcy judges in Dallas: the judge has been advised that 12 attorneys are ready for him on the conference call.The Court: Okay. Thank you. I'm going to give the decision on the motion...
January 2004 - That's Good Advice!This
Posted on March 12, 2009January 2004 - That's Good Advice!This contribution, from Carl Pipoly and Melissa Brantner of San Antonio, is from a personal injury trial where the defense counsel violated a motion in limine by injecting the workers' compensation case into the trial...
December 1994 - Did He Really Say
Posted on March 11, 2009December 1994 - Did He Really Say That?From John R. Halliburton, an assistant U.S. attorney in Shreveport, LA - John has been a regular "et cetera" contributor for years - this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff who claimed the Air Force failed to timely diagnose and treat his medical condition:Q...
July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim
Posted on March 10, 2009July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim D. Bowmer of Temple (Bowmer, Courtney) sent me a couple of stories "about our great friend Percy Foreman." One time when Percy was questioning a prospective juror of German heritage in Comal County, which is not noted for its leniency against criminal defendants...
July 1993 - Did She Really Say
Posted on March 09, 2009July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.
January 1989 - What Was That Again?
Posted on March 06, 2009January 1989 - What Was That Again? From Judge David G. Lewis of Dumas (Moore County Court of Law), this excerpt from a recent divorce custody trial in Moore County.Q. And what did you do that night?A. We made and sent out some fliers. [Being the West Texas pronunciation of "flowers"]Q...
June 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?George
Posted on March 05, 2009June 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?George A. Kelt, Jr., a United State Magistrate in Houston, discovered "this bit of testimony given by the young widow in the case concerning the fracus" in State of Texas v. Charlie Coleman:Q. Do you remember what day of the week Nov...
September 1992 - Did He Really
Posted on February 25, 2009September 1992 - Did He Really Mean That?Mark Giles sent me a paragraph from a temporary order in a divorce case - in which "the parties took strong positions as to their parrot, Herme" - with the note that the order (drafted by the opposing counsel, of course) "uses words that could have a double meaning," explaining "some of her client's disgust at the parrot arrangement...
September 2002 - The "Suicide Question"From
Posted on February 24, 2009September 2002 - The "Suicide Question"From U.S. Magistrate Judge Marcie A. Crone of Houston, this "excerpt from a recent employment discrimination" trial in her court in which the Plaintiff alleged mental anguish as well as other claimsQ. I'm not asking if you attempted suicide...
May 1994 - Did She Really Say That?From
Posted on February 23, 2009May 1994 - Did She Really Say That?From Suzanne Saenz of Houston (Suzanne is a legal assistant with Ronald W. Ryan), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a medical malpractice case.Q. Mr. Williams, are you on any medication today?A. Yeah. No...
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From
Posted on February 18, 2009May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge David Cleveland of Palo Pinto (29th District Court), this testimony from the trial of will contest involving two wills left by Walter Howeth:Q. When did you last see Walter?A. At the funeral.Q. Did he make any comment to you at that time?A...
July 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?Q.
Posted on February 06, 2009July 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?Q. What's his first name?A. I can't remember.Q. He's been your brother-in-law for 45 years and you can't remember his first name?A. No, I tell you. I'm too excited! [Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Borofkin] Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name.
January 2002 - Did They Really
Posted on February 05, 2009January 2002 - Did They Really Ask That?From Senior State District Judge A. D. Azios of Houston, this incident which took place while he was trying a felony case as a visiting judge in Montgomery County. The questions are by Assistant District Attorney Mike Seiler...
June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From
Posted on February 04, 2009June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From a telephone hearing conducted by one of the bankruptcy judges in Dallas: the judge has been advised that 12 attorneys are ready for him on the conference call.The Court: Okay. Thank you. I'm going to give the decision on the motion...
October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on February 03, 2009October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That Up!From Judge Michael D. Schattman of Fort Worth (348th District Court), this exchange "between attorney Ken Kreis of Bosie, ID and a pretty hostile witness in a case I tried Feb. 15 of the year."Q. Well, my question wasn't whether he made a lot of trips to the office...
June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles
Posted on February 02, 2009June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles W. Hury of McAllen received this last page of an apartment lease guaranty form from a friend whose son is attending Texas A&M.7. Binding Nature. This Guaranty shall be binding upon and unsure to the benefit of the parties hereto and there respective heirs, legal representatives, successors and assigns...
January 2004 - Did She Really Ask
Posted on January 30, 2009January 2004 - Did She Really Ask That?From Robert A. Bragalone of Dallas (Cooper & Scully), this excerpt from a deposition he recently attended.Q. And where are - how are you calculating that? How old do you believe Damien was when he was born? We'll start there...
July 1993 - Did She Really Say
Posted on January 29, 2009July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.
February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom
Posted on January 28, 2009February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom Thomas G. Sharpe, Jr. of San Antonio (Whetley & Sharpe), this excerpt from his deposition of a defendant regarding the collection of a judgment for Tom's client:Q. First of all, what I'm asking, sir, is what are you going to do to pay this judgment?A...
June 1998 - Timely ObjectionsFrom
Posted on January 27, 2009June 1998 - Timely ObjectionsFrom Steven C. James of El Paso, this excerpt from a deposition he took in a case involving "the collapse of a huge rock wall being built on a hillside between several El Paso homes." Steven is questioning the defendant builder about the cause of the wall failure...
June 1998 - Tell Us About Your
Posted on January 26, 2009June 1998 - Tell Us About Your Criminal RecordFrom Bryant W. Scott of Houston, this excerpt from a jury trial before Judge John Compton of Houston (151st District Court). The plaintiff, "an unsavory dressed fellow" suing a mortgage company represented by Bryan, was claiming "priority of his mechanic's and materialmen's lien...
May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton
Posted on January 23, 2009May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton CollectionFrom Cindy Singleton this excerpt after cleaning out her desk during her last week at the Tarrant County D.A.'s office.Judge: Is the defendant known by any other name?Defense: Do you have an a.k.a?Defendant: Hell Lady, I don't even have a car!
July 2006 - Great Law Firm NamesCarey
Posted on January 22, 2009July 2006 - Great Law Firm NamesCarey Charles Dippel of Houston (Andrews Kurth) writes that he "was once associated with Sears and Burns. The partners tongue-in-cheek sought to join ____ Hurtz and ____ Hollers so that the name of the new firm would be: "Sears, Burns, Hurtz and Hollers...
June 2007 - Did He Really Ask That?This
Posted on January 21, 2009June 2007 - Did He Really Ask That?This marvelous contribution is from Mike J. Bowers of Dallas (Bell Nunnally & Martin, L.L.P.) ? who writes, ?It has taken 20 years and countless depositions, but finally I have a deposition excerpt that I hope is worthy of your including in your article in the Texas Bar Journal...
September 2005 - ?Transquips?From
Posted on January 20, 2009September 2005 - ?Transquips?From Lynn Brooks of DeSoto, who is a certified shorthand reporter:Q. You must have been hurt in some event. What type of injury did you get?A. Finger mashed.Q. Nothing you lost time from work from?A. (Indicating)Q. I?m sorry?A...
June 2003 - How Do You Define Drunk?From
Posted on January 16, 2009June 2003 - How Do You Define Drunk?From Judge Buddie J. Hahn, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 50, No. 11 ? December 1987.Q. On the day that Twine was shot, were you intoxicated?A. I definitely was not.Q. Had you been drinking that day?A. I drank a few beers...
April 1993 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on January 15, 2009April 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From Bonnie Cade of Arlington, this testimony taken by her daughter, Betty Lynn Cade, who is a court reporter in Nashville, TN - "Where reporters follow their clients through discovery into the courtroom where they take the testimony":Q...
June 1996 - The Perils of Pro SeFrom
Posted on January 14, 2009June 1996 - The Perils of Pro SeFrom Gregg A. Marchessault of Tyler (Gregg is an assistant U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of Texas), this prayer from the brief of defendant-appellant filed in the Fifth Circuit by a pro se prisoner who, after his bank robbery conviction, filed a suit seeking the "return of the money that was seized by the FBI as his bank robbery loot":ConclusionTherefore all things considered, this appellant respectfully requests this court to cause an order to issue, ordering the FBI to return the currency in the amount of $6,600 that was seized from him...
November 2005 - Not Even CloseFrom
Posted on January 13, 2009November 2005 - Not Even CloseFrom Mark W. Laney of Plainview(Laney & Stokes), these excerpts from Rudd Owen?s cross-examination of the plaintiff in a state court case:Q. How old is your son?A. 33.Q. What does he do for a living?A. He?s a general manager of Hobby Lobby in Chicago...
June 1990 - I?m Glad We Cleared
Posted on January 12, 2009June 1990 - I?m Glad We Cleared That UpFrom March Lynn Rothmas of Beaumont (Benckenstein, Oxford, etc.), this remarkable(!) excerpt from a deposition taken by Mary Ellen Blade, a partner at the same firm:Q. Did you die, as far as you know?A. I don?t know nothing...
October 1997 - And You, Sir, Are
Posted on January 09, 2009October 1997 - And You, Sir, Are AdiosFrom Versal Rush of Wichita Falls (Versal is the first assistant public defender), this exchange that took place in a competency trial before Judge Keith Nelson (78th District Court). The client believed that he spoke to Elvis and animals (especially a certain rooster); he claimed to have been, among other things, "a lawyer, judge, doctor, porno producer/director/star, parapsychologist," etc...
July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell
Posted on January 08, 2009July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell the Truth...Judge: (To young witness) Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?Witness: Yes, I would go to hell.Judge: Is that all?Witness: Isn't that enough?
May 1999 - The "By Golly Objection"This
Posted on January 07, 2009May 1999 - The "By Golly Objection"This contribution was sent to me by James M. Ziegler, Ph.D., of Houston (Ncompass Research, Inc.) James, who is an expert in "biomechanics and injury causation analysis," found this rather unique objection made in a deposition by his client, an attorney who "had hoped to never be quoted in [the et cetera] of the Texas Bar Journal...
May 1998 - The Closing ArgumentJoseph
Posted on January 06, 2009May 1998 - The Closing ArgumentJoseph A. Esparza of San Antonio (Joseph is an assistant criminal district attorney) submits a truly classic closing argument made by his former partner, Ellen Wheeler-Walter, during a misdemeanor trial. Ellen's argument, which was promptly followed by a verdict for the State, was simply:"She did it...
July 1999 - Classic TyposFrom Lillie
Posted on January 05, 2009July 1999 - Classic TyposFrom Lillie Knight of Houston (Lillie is an assistant city attorney), this typo in a letter she received from a property tax consultant:Dear Ms. Knight:... Thank you for your business, and please send your fiends our way.Please return before May 31st...
May 1999 - Written in BloodFrom
Posted on January 02, 2009May 1999 - Written in BloodFrom Mikal S. Lambert of Wichita Falls (Fillmore & Purtle), this excerpt from a deposition in a death case where a motorist had run over a pedestrian. Mikal is cross-examining the DPS trooper who had supervised the drawing of blood from the decedent for a blood-alcohol test...
May 1985 - Were You in the Military
Posted on December 29, 2008May 1985 - Were You in the Military ServiceQ. Were you in the Army?A. No sir, I didn't go.Q. Why?A. Well, when I was ready to leave they said, 'Well, everything is over,' and I say, 'Okay,' So I didn't go.
January 2000 - Did They Really
Posted on December 24, 2008January 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From W. Marc McDonald of Fort Worth (Bourland, Smith, etc.), this "classically confused" statement made by one of his partners, William R. Korlo, Jr. during a recent deposition.Mr. Korlo: All right. Let me turn your attention to Plaintiff's Exhibit No...
July 1994 - Did He Really Say That?From
Posted on December 23, 2008July 1994 - Did He Really Say That?From Martin Randal Merritt of Dallas, this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition.Q. Have you ever been injured before?A. No. I'll swear on my mother's eyes to that.Q. Where is your mother?
January 2002 - Did They Really
Posted on December 16, 2008January 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From Al Ellis of Dallas (Al is of counsel with Howie & Sweeney), this excerpt from ?a routine personal injury deposition? in which he received ?the final answer as to why the divorce occurred.?Q. What was the reason for your mom?s first divorce, if you know?A...
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on December 15, 2008May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...
November 2008 - Lawyers Are A Scary
Posted on December 11, 2008November 2008 - Lawyers Are A Scary ThingFrom Joshua T. Kutchin of Dallas (Fanning, Harper & Martinson), this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff, a Dallas Area Rapid Transit bus driver who grew up in Ethiopia ? and who seemed ?a little overwhelmed by the deposition process?:Q...
June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From
Posted on December 10, 2008June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From a telephone hearing conducted by one of the bankruptcy judges in Dallas: the judge has been advised that 12 attorneys are ready for him on the conference call.The Court: Okay. Thank you. I'm going to give the decision on the motion...
February 1997 - I'm Not Sober,
Posted on December 09, 2008February 1997 - I'm Not Sober, But ...From David L. Traylor of Dallas, this exchange that took place recently before U.S. District Judge Joe Kendall (Dallas Division, Northern District of Texas):Judge: As you stand here today, are you sober?Defendant: No, I'm not sober...
November 2008 - Did They Really
Posted on December 08, 2008November 2008 - Did They Really Say That?From Lloyd A. Muennink of Austin, this excerpt from the deposition of a fact witness for the plaintiff in "a drilling mud land farming case regarding libel and slander" - where the defense attorney was "constantly asking what the [plaintiff's] attorney told him or discussed after every break in the deposition...
April 2007 - The Sound of SilenceThis
Posted on December 05, 2008April 2007 - The Sound of SilenceThis contribution is from Randy Wilson of Abilene, who writes that several years ago in the 326th District Court in Taylor County, preceding a custody trial, before Judge Aleta Hacker, a novice attorney was conducting a closed end voir dire by asking questions of the panel such as:Q...
April 2001 - Did They Really Say
Posted on December 04, 2008April 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From Jeffrey C. Lewis of Texarkana, this exchange that took place during his cross-examination of the female plaintiff in a medical malpractice trial in Bowie County.Mr. Lewis: I'm not asking you for a medical opinion, but as far as you're concerned (the defendant doctor's) surgery, his technique, what he did with your right foot, fixed all the problems you were complaining about?Plaintiff's Attorney: Objection...
May 1999 - Those JurorsFrom Judge
Posted on December 03, 2008May 1999 - Those JurorsFrom Judge Alvin G. Khoury of Longview (124th District Court), these answers by two different jurors to the same question in a juror questionnaire he used in a recent capital murder trial.35. What is the highest grade you completed in school?A: 10036...
September 1999 - Did They Really
Posted on November 21, 2008September 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Ilse D. Bailey of Kerrville (Ilse is an assistant county attorney of Kerr County), this exchange that took place after the defendant had entered a plea of guilty to a Class B misdemeanor theft charge - pawning a stolen Black & Decker drill for $5...
November 1998 - Beware of ExpertsFrom
Posted on November 20, 2008November 1998 - Beware of ExpertsFrom Walter L. Taylor of Houston (Harris & Taylor), this excerpt from a deposition his partner, Steve Harris, was taking of a "fairly well-respected" doctor at a major medical facility in Houston." Steve is trying to establish that the standard of care at the hospital "might be higher than that of Steve's client" who, "let's just say, practices in West Podunk...
May 1998 - Did They Really Say
Posted on November 19, 2008May 1998 - Did They Really Say That?From Marc J. Shrake of Minneapolis (Zelle & Larson), this excerpt from the deposition of his client, the owner of a tree removal service.Q. Now, is the crew responsible to keep track of the number of trees that are removed or trimmed?A...
November 2008 - Did They Really
Posted on November 17, 2008November 2008 - Did They Really Say That?From Bruce R. Hardesty of Austin (King & Hardesty), this excerpt from the deposition he took of a witness to a hit-and-run automobile accident - who, with his mother's help, got the license number of the car in question [____38D]...
September 2001 - Doing Voir Dire
Posted on November 14, 2008September 2001 - Doing Voir Dire From Pierre T. Williams of El Paso (Pierre is an Assistant County attorney), this excerpt from voir dire in a juvenile delinquency proceeding.Mr. Williams: We're going to have police officers testify. Does anyone believe that they always tell the truth or always lie? Anyone, by a show of hands...
November 1998 - Did They Really
Posted on November 13, 2008November 1998 - Did They Really Say That?From Jeff Patterson of Dallas (Hartline, Dacus, Dreyer & Kern), this "very strange and humorous deposition" excerpt in one of his firm's cases.Q. Tell me all the people that made the trip from ...A. It was my mother, father, and my daughter...
July 1998 - Classic Typos(1) From
Posted on November 12, 2008July 1998 - Classic Typos(1) From "a reprint of Roe v. Wade in a prominent constitutional law case book:" The third reason is the State's interest [in] protecting prenatal life. Some of the argument for this justification rests on the theory that a new human life is present from the moment of contraception...
July 1998 - Classic Typos(1) From
Posted on November 10, 2008July 1998 - Classic Typos(1) From an affidavit of Marital History and Heirship" filed in Gregg County in March 1991:I, Henry H. Harbour, being duly sworn, state upon oath that i have read the foregoing affidavit of marital history and heirship relating to Lillie Culver and I was personally acquainted with Lillie Culver and her husband, Paul V...
October 1994 - Did He Really Say
Posted on November 07, 2008October 1994 - Did He Really Say That? From Municipal Judge Steven C. Williamson of Fort Worth, this excerpt from a guilty plea by "a man charged with discharging a firearm within the city limits in his own backyard)." Court: How do you wish to plead? Defendant: Guilty...
June 1996 - Classic Typos From
Posted on November 06, 2008June 1996 - Classic Typos From Thomas V. Erdos, Jr. of Austin, this "red hearing" of a typo he found in the Lexis version of Southwest Airlines Co. v. Texas High Speed Rail Auth., 867 S.W.2d 154 (Tex. App. - Austin 1993): A procedural due-process requirement of notice and herring does not necessarily abrogate the state's immunity from suit and immunity from liability...
July 1995 - Be Careful with Experts
Posted on November 05, 2008July 1995 - Be Careful with Experts From Sharon Emerson of Corpus Christi (Sharon is a paralegal with Kleberg & Head), this excerpt from the deposition "of an expert marine surveyor in a case involving the captain of a crew boat which ran into an offshore drilling platform because he fell asleep...
April 1999 - Did They Really Say
Posted on November 04, 2008April 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Jane Starnes of Houston (Jane is an assistant district attorney for Harris County), this "hysterical" excerpt from a possession of cocaine case she tried last year.Q. Now, you've admitted that you were pretty hysterical out there?A...
May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom
Posted on November 03, 2008May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom Dana A. Ehrlich of San Angelo, this excerpt from his deposition of a judgment debtor (whose current occupation, Dana thought, was "hanging around the race track").Q. Are you a horse trainer, a horse breeder, or owner? Just what are you?A...
October 2000 - Did They Really
Posted on October 31, 2008October 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Thomas B. Alleman of Dallas (Winstead, Sechrest & Minick), this entry he found scribbled in the nurse's notes concerning a patient:3/28/98 - Spoke with wife who said, "He just bit me on the hand, fortunately he didn't have any teeth in...
March 1998 - The Energizer BunnyFrom
Posted on October 30, 2008March 1998 - The Energizer BunnyFrom Marion J. Borchers of New Braunfels, this excerpt from a pleading filed in a bankruptcy court in the Southern District of California. In the case, "the ex-husband of the debtor opposed the sale of land in Comal County, Texas and appealed an adverse ruling, lost three motions to stay, and then filed an ex parte motion for clarification" - which drew this response from Jeffrey Isaacs of San Diego, Calif...
March 1990 - Is That a Reasonable
Posted on October 29, 2008March 1990 - Is That a Reasonable Fee? This is from a hearing before the Texas Railroad Commission. It comes from Jack Balagia, Jr. of Austin (McGinnis, Lochridge, etc): he explains that An Unnamed Austin Lawyer is testifying in support of the reasonableness of the hourly rates being charged by his firm - which were to be passed through to the customers by the gas utility his firm was representing:Q...
February 1989 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on October 28, 2008February 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?From Mary Strand, a staff attorney for the Tyler Court of Appeals, this testimony from a hearing on temporary child conservatorship - by witness who had "obviously not been testifying as expected":Q. Let me ask you this: Have you been frank in your answers?A...
November 2008 - Did They Really
Posted on October 27, 2008November 2008 - Did They Really Say That?From Donald A. Ferrill of Fort Worth (Brown Thompson, etc.), this statement from a Petition for Review filed in the Texas Supreme Court by opposing counsel:Evidence does exist that the body was destroyed. Dr. Reed's Single Animal Record reflects that he conducted his own autopsy.
March 1999 - Classic TyposEt cetera's
Posted on October 24, 2008March 1999 - Classic TyposEt cetera's first triple submission - from San Antonio attorneys Jonathan B. Cluck (Kampmann & Cluck), Clarkson F. Brown (Brian L. Blakely & Associates), and Jason J. Thompson (Thompson & Thompson) - this typo in a Jan...
April 1998 - The Judge Without
Posted on October 23, 2008April 1998 - The Judge Without a GavelRobert F. Barnes of Hidalgo (former district judge of the 93rd and 275th district courts), was visited by a group of third-grade students from Mission on a "field trip" when he was sitting in Mission as a visiting judge...
July 2006 - Classic TypoJack Haney
Posted on October 22, 2008July 2006 - Classic TypoJack Haney of Huntsville (Haney, Kraemer & Moorman) recently received a motion for production of documents that asked for production of:Copies of signature card and other records concerning any account of decedent, _______, with Vanguard and Infidelity Investments.
June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?
Posted on October 21, 2008June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That? James P. Walker, Jr. of Dallas (McKinley, Dubner) shares an excerpt from the deposition of a bankruptcy debtor who is serving time for stock fraud at the La Tuna Federal Corrections Institution. This cross-examination is by Wade Williams of Galveston (Mills, Shirley)...
April 1997 - Did They Really Say
Posted on October 20, 2008April 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Robert F. Redmond, Jr. of Richmond, Va. (McGuire, Woods, etc.), who is a member of the State Bar of Texas, this excerpt from his deposition of a personal injury plaintiff "who claimed soft tissue neck and back injuries subsequent to a very minor rear end impact...
February 1999 - SPEAKING IN "lower
Posted on October 17, 2008February 1999 - SPEAKING IN "lower case"From David S. Crawford of Arlington (Perdue, Brandon, etc.), this marvelous excerpt from the transcript of a hearing before Judge Thomas Wilson Lowe III of Fort Worth (236th District Court) in a case involving a pro se, "lower case" defendant...
February 1999 - What Did I Just
Posted on October 16, 2008February 1999 - What Did I Just Say?From Darryl S. Vereen of El Paso (Mounce Green, ect.), this excerpt from "the deposition of the investigating DPS trooper in a multi-vehicle truck/auto fatality collision" - where beer cans were found in the decendent's car...
January 2001 - You Wake Him UpFrom
Posted on October 15, 2008January 2001 - You Wake Him UpFrom Michael M. Fulton of San Antonio, this exchange that took place years ago in a trial before an elderly State District Judge who "went to sleep from time to time on the bench."Plaintiff's Attorney: The bus ran the red light, didn't it?Defendant's Attorney: Objection...
January 1999 - Revenue and SafetyFrom
Posted on October 14, 2008January 1999 - Revenue and SafetyFrom William E. "Gene" Storie of Austin - Gene is the assistant chief of the Taxation Division in the Texas Attorney's office - this excerpt from his deposition of the other side's expert.Q. From your understanding of this lawsuit, is it about pipeline safety?A...
February 1999 - Did They Really
Posted on October 13, 2008February 1999 - Did They Really Ask That?From Donald J. Hahn of Dallas (Collins, Norman & Basinger), this question that a lawyer asked his client in a hearing in Probate Court No. 2 (Judge Robert E. Price):Q. Now, Mrs. Smith, is it true that you were well acquainted with John Smith as a result of the fact that you were married to him for over 55 years?
February 1999 - Did They Really
Posted on October 10, 2008February 1999 - Did They Really Report That?From Ted H. Roberts of San Antonio, the following excerpt from a newspaper article in the San Antonio Express News.CORPUS CHRISTI - Two weeks after first hearing about the last moments of the victims' lives, jurors in South Texas sentenced the man who killed the Refugio County residents to death.
February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom
Posted on October 09, 2008February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom Amy K. Rosenberg of Fort Collins, Colo. (Liggett, Smith & Williams), this trial excerpt from a "marriage dissolution proceeding" in which Amy's colleague, Michael Liggett, "was cross-examing the soon-to-be ex-wife" regarding some of her expenditures...
July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell
Posted on October 08, 2008July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell the Truth...Judge: (To young witness) Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?Witness: Yes, I would go to hell.Judge: Is that all?Witness: Isn't that enough?
February 2002 - Are You A Spirit?
Posted on October 07, 2008February 2002 - Are You A Spirit? From Karan Hogan of San Antonio (Karen is the Court Investigator for Judge Polly Jackson Spencer, Probate Court No. One in Bexar County), this note sent to Judge Spencer by William Goodman, the court-appointed attorney ad litem " in the guardianship proceeding of the proposed ward the day after the hearing...
September 1997 - Did They Really
Posted on October 06, 2008September 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Walter Cowger of Dallas (Akin, Gump), this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff in a wrongful discharge case.Q. Did you come here today [from Oregon] just for this deposition?A. Yes, I did.Q. You're not planning to move back to Texas anytime soon?A...
March 1988 - Does Orkin Know About
Posted on October 03, 2008March 1988 - Does Orkin Know About This?Ben Taylor, who works as a briefing attorney for Judge Kilgarlin of the Texas Supreme Court, found this testimony in a gas explosion case (reported at 736 S.W.2d 836). He explains that the defense attorney "was attempting to cross-examine one of the plaintiff's fact witness...
April 2003 - Doing Voir DireFrom
Posted on October 02, 2008April 2003 - Doing Voir DireFrom Paul Mewis of Houston, this excerpt from a voir dire record in a criminal case.The Court: What kind of work do you do?Prospective Juror: I'm a financial analyst.The Court: How long have you been doing that?Prospective Juror: 610 years...
May 1985 - Were You in the Military
Posted on October 01, 2008May 1985 - Were You in the Military Service?Q. Were you in the Army?A. No sir, I didn't go.Q. Why?A. Well, when I was ready to leave they said, 'Well, everything is over,' and I say, 'Okay,' So I didn't go.
April 2000 - The Nirvana WarningThis
Posted on September 30, 2008April 2000 - The Nirvana WarningThis "two-fer" is from Ilse D. Bailey-Graham of Kerrville (Ilse is an assistant county attorney).First, Ilse discovered this typographical error in a Kerr County Sheriff's Office DWI offense report:20. Sgt. Billeiter then administered the one leg stand...
June 1993 - Just Feeling NormalFrom
Posted on September 29, 2008June 1993 - Just Feeling NormalFrom Ronald S. Schmidt of San Antonio (Schmidt & Davis), this excerpt from the deposition of a plaintiff who was claiming that a real estate deed was forged. Ronald explained that the plaintiff's answers were confusing - some documents he admitted signing, but he denied others - so Ronald began questioning the plaintiff (who had been in prison on drug charges) about whether he actually remembered "the incidents surrounding the signing of the questioned documents":Q...
June 2000 - Did They Really Say
Posted on September 26, 2008June 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Julian T. Lopez of San Antonio (Rodriguez, Ketterman & Lopez), this excerpt from the deposition of his client in a personal injury case:Q. Okay. And just after the accident, who got to you first?A. Julian...
June 2000 - Did They Really Say
Posted on September 25, 2008June 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Thomas A. Silver of Corpus Christi (Barger, Hermansen, etc.), this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff's husband in a personal injury case:Q. And do you know how fast Ms. _____ was going?A. Well, I can't tell you, because when she hit me, my - because my wife, you know - Have you ever seen when you, when you grab ahold of a chicken and you wring its neck? (Indicating)Mr...
March 1999 - Please Repeat the
Posted on September 24, 2008March 1999 - Please Repeat the QuestionFrom Patrick Wright of Dallas, these excerpts from the deposition of his client, who was suing Kentucky Fried Chicken because he "had been beaten up at a KFC store by another patron who was angry because of the slow service," allegedly because KFC failed to provide adequate security...
May 2008 - Have I Been Courteous
Posted on September 23, 2008May 2008 - Have I Been Courteous to You?This contribution is from Christopher R. Johnston of El Paso (Firth, Johnston, Martinez), who writes that he was finishing up a deposition and took a break to make sure there were no further questions to be asked of the witness...
November 1997 - Did They Really
Posted on September 22, 2008November 1997 - Did They Really Ask That?Discovered in a deposition by my former law clerk Robert Musslewhite:Q. I'm going to ask you four questions that I'm going to guess are going to sound real strange to you, even stranger that the rest of my questions -A...
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From
Posted on September 19, 2008May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge David Cleveland of Palo Pinto (29th District Court), this testimony from the trial of will contest involving two wills left by Walter Howeth:Q. When did you last see Walter?A. At the funeral.Q. Did he make any comment to you at that time?A...
July 1995 - I'm in a Damned Fish
Posted on September 18, 2008July 1995 - I'm in a Damned Fish BowlFrom J. Redwine Patterson of Dallas (Patterson, Lamberty, etc.) this excerpt from the Lone Star Steel Mill Toxic Tort litigation in East Texas. Redwine explains that, as he is Sometimes Wont To Do, he was making a sketch of the witness while another lawyer began the deposition...
June 1995 - A Twinkle in His EyeFrom
Posted on September 17, 2008June 1995 - A Twinkle in His EyeFrom Debbie H. Brower of Texarkana (DHB Reporting & Paralegal Service), this excerpt from a deposition she reported in a Louisiana workers' compensation case. The plaintiff is being asked if she knows the persons named in a lengthy list of witnesses provided in answers to interrogatories...
May 2001 - Did They Really Say
Posted on September 16, 2008May 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From Roger A. Berger of Houston, who was defending a hospital emergency room group in a malpractice case, this excerpt from the deposition of the administrator of the Group. The question by the plaintiff's counsel was intended to define the different types of emergency room patients - but it elicited a literal answer...
September 2005 - ?Transquips?From
Posted on September 15, 2008September 2005 - ?Transquips?From Lynn Brooks of DeSoto, who is a certified shorthand reporter:Q. You must have been hurt in some event. What type of injury did you get?A. Finger mashed.Q. Nothing you lost time from work from?A. (Indicating)Q. I?m sorry?A...
June 2003 - How Do You Define Drunk?From
Posted on September 12, 2008June 2003 - How Do You Define Drunk?From Judge Buddie J. Hahn, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 50, No. 11 ? December 1987.Q. On the day that Twine was shot, were you intoxicated?A. I definitely was not.Q. Had you been drinking that day?A. I drank a few beers...
December 1990 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on September 11, 2008December 1990 - Did I Really Hear That?From Parker C. Folst, III of Houston (Susman Godfrey), this excerpt from a deposition in a RICO case taken by his partner, Ken Marks; the witness was "the chairman of a New York-based investment banking company"- who was not too "bashful about volunteering his opinions concerning a former employee...
June 2007 - Classic TyposJames
Posted on September 10, 2008June 2007 - Classic TyposJames A. Newsom of Houston Munisteri, Sprott, Rigby, Newsom & Robbins) found this typo in a letter he received from a Beaumont attorney:Mr. Newsom,I have provided LexisNexis with your contact information on behalf of John Crane, Inc...
July 2005 - Ozzie and HarriettThese
Posted on September 09, 2008July 2005 - Ozzie and HarriettThese two contributions are from Stephen A. Doggett of Richmond from his examination of the husband in a divorce case:Q. So, what are you saying? Are you saying she is not a good mother? ?A. I?m just saying that sometimes I may have felt that she did things I wouldn?t have done...
February 2003 - Don't Leave Me
Posted on September 08, 2008February 2003 - Don't Leave Me OutFrom Donald J. Drago of Austin, upon the review of a document shown as an exception on a commitment for title insurance covering a tract of land in Harrison County, this "restrictive covenant" found in a Warranty Deed from the Smiths (the sellers) to an investment entity:Item No...
July 2008 - The Death CertificateL.T.
Posted on September 05, 2008July 2008 - The Death CertificateL.T. ?Butch? Bradt, of Houston, found this title contribution in the case of Rodriguez v. Rodriguez in Fort Bend County. ?Dear Sir, I cannot believe that you would fax my office any kind of motion. Especially not an Emergency Ex-Parte Motion to Retain Case on Court?s Docket...
May 2008 - I Was A Hot DogThis
Posted on September 04, 2008May 2008 - I Was A Hot DogThis contribution from District Judge Ron Ennis of Dumas (69th Judicial District). It involves a wrongful termination case that Ron heard by assignment in Randall County, Charlotte Bingham of Crenshaw, Dupree & Milam of Lubbock was questioning the jury panel about their experience with losing employment...
July 1993 - Did They Really Say
Posted on September 03, 2008July 1993 - Did They Really Say That?From Scott Ozmun of Austin (Whitehurst, Harkness, etc), this excerpt from the deposition of the daughter of Scott's client in a breast implant case.Q. And what do you mean by "deformed"?A. Well, her breasts were -Q...
June 2002 - Did They Really Say
Posted on September 02, 2008June 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From District Judge Bob McCoy of Fort Worth (48th District Court), this statement made by a pro se plaintiff to Judge McCoy and defense counsel in chambers:?I am going to sue them all for alienation of infection (sic) and I am going to do it in Federal Court...
January 2002 - Did They Really
Posted on August 29, 2008January 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From Al Ellis of Dallas (Al is of counsel with Howie & Sweeney), this excerpt from ?a routine personal injury deposition? in which he received ?the final answer as to why the divorce occurred.?Q. What was the reason for your mom?s first divorce, if you know?A...
June 1994 - I'm Not a Mercenary
Posted on August 28, 2008June 1994 - I'm Not a Mercenary SwineFrom William W. Parish of Dallas, these end-of-deposition comments by a physician, who had just been cross-examined by the opposing attorney.Mr. Parish: Okay, doctor. Then you will waive the reading and signing of the deposition?Witness: Or maybe I shouldn't waive it until I get my check from you since this guy is calling me a mercenary swine...
June 1993 - Drinkin', Divorcin',
Posted on August 27, 2008June 1993 - Drinkin', Divorcin', and Dressin' from the DryerFrom Jimmy L. Verner, Jr. of Dallas (Koons, Fuller & Vanden Eykel), these excerpts from his deposition of the wife in a divorce case - where Jimmy is doing the best to "try to root out all the fault in the break-up of the marriage...
December 1994 - It Ain't Gonna
Posted on August 26, 2008December 1994 - It Ain't Gonna Work For YouFrom Coyt Randal Johnston of Dallas (Johnston & Budner), two excerpts from a six-week products liability trial involving the sleeping pill, Halcion. Randal and Mike Mosher represented the plaintiffs, and Randal's opening statement "made a big point that no witnesses would testify they had ever seen [Randal's plaintiff] use illegal drugs" - thus setting the stage for this exchange during Randal's direct examination of the former wife of his client:Q...
January 2006 - Let's Talk About
Posted on August 25, 2008January 2006 - Let's Talk About Something ImportantThis deposition excerpt was submitted by Kristine Arlitt of San Antonio (Kristine practices with Christopher J. Weber).The deposition was taken in Kerrville in the case of Castlecomb Homeowners Association v...
February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom
Posted on August 22, 2008February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom Amy K. Rosenberg of Fort Collins, Colo. (Liggett, Smith & Williams), this trial excerpt from a "marriage dissolution proceeding" in which Amy's colleague, Michael Liggett, "was cross-examing the soon-to-be ex-wife" regarding some of her expenditures...
April 1991 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on August 21, 2008April 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?Tom Whitlock of Denton contributes this trial excerpt from "a mental health probable cause hearing in which he represented the proposed patient." Tom is cross-examining the mother of his client:Q.Has she ever [acted suicidal] or threatened to hurt anyone else?A...
July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's
Posted on August 20, 2008July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's ColumnFrom Loren G. Klitsas of Houston (Celedonia, Smith & Klitsas), this excerpt from the long cross-examination of an investigating police officer "recording his opinions as to the cause of the traffic accident."Q...
June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph
Posted on August 19, 2008June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph Jacobson, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 49, No. 4 ? April 1986.Q. Isn?t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?A. Yes, it is, but you can?t prove it!
January 1996 - East Texas SlangFrom
Posted on August 18, 2008January 1996 - East Texas SlangFrom Raymond W. Cozby, III of Tyler (Cowles & Thompson), this closing argument made by his brother, Andrew J. Cozby, the prosecutor in a criminal trial in Houston:Mr. Cozby: Members of the jury, I appreciate your patience during this trial...
May 1994 - Did She Really Say That?From
Posted on August 15, 2008May 1994 - Did She Really Say That?From Suzanne Saenz of Houston (Suzanne is a legal assistant with Ronald W. Ryan), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a medical malpractice case.Q. Mr. Williams, are you on any medication today?A. Yeah. No...
May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom
Posted on August 14, 2008May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom W. Bernard Whitney of Fort Worth, this excerpt from the deposition of the defendant-husband in a case involving the mental and physical ability of his wife - who was "the testatrix in 1984 and who subsequently died in May 1992":Q...
October 1991 - Did I Really Ask
Posted on August 13, 2008October 1991 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge Joseph H. Hart of Austin (126th District), this passage from an early 1991 hearing.Q. What happened to this man she was taking care of [at the home care facility]?A. He's deceased now.Q. Was he taken out of the home when he had to go to the hospital - he had to be admitted to the hospital?A...
December 2001 - The Whole EnchiladaFrom
Posted on August 12, 2008December 2001 - The Whole EnchiladaFrom District Judge Bob McCoy of Fort Worth (48th Judicial District of Texas), this exchange which recently took place in his court:Presiding juror to bailiff: Do we answer the questions and then deliberate, or deliberate and then answer the questions?
February 2000 - The Medical ChartsFrom
Posted on August 11, 2008February 2000 - The Medical ChartsFrom Joseph V. Crawford of Austin (Wright & Greenhill), this entry in a patient's medical report by a chiropractor in Lake Charles, La:SUBJECTIVE COMPLAINTSPatient complained of headaches, neck pain, left forearm and thumb, right lower leg, left ankle, ringing in both ears and both hips.
Feburary 2002 - Those Jurors Assistant
Posted on August 08, 2008Feburary 2002 - Those Jurors Assistant District Attorney to a prospective female juror: "Could you return a verdict of guilty on the testimony of only one eye witness?"Prospective Juror (with all seriousness): "No, I could not give a guilty verdict, the witness would have to have two eyes...
February 2001 - Did They Really
Posted on August 07, 2008February 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From David L. Zedler of Sherman, this contribution that occurred during testimony in a recent jury trial.A. The last time I saw [the child who was the subject of the suit], she was eating a bowl of goldfish.Mr...
July 2000 - Did They Really Say
Posted on August 06, 2008July 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Rocky Dhir of Dallas (Rocky is one of my law clerks this year), this excerpt he discovered in a deposition in one of our recent civil trials.Q. How was the roof [of the apartment] inspected, then: from the balconies and from the parking lot, I think you said?A...
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From
Posted on August 05, 2008May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Albon O. Head, Jr. of Fort Worth (Jackson & Walker), this deposition excerpt from a toxic tort case - with the "confession" that he would enjoy embarrassing one of their "young (and very bright, I might add) associates" who took this deposition...
May 1995 - Classic TyposFrom Robin
Posted on August 04, 2008May 1995 - Classic TyposFrom Robin Kennedy of Dallas (Caron, Greenberg & Fitzgerald), a response to a request for production of documents in a Dallas case: "Subject to and without waiving all applicable objections, defendant will produce the materials for the plaintiff's inspection at a mutually inconvenient time and place...
January 1990 - Did I Really Say
Posted on August 01, 2008January 1990 - Did I Really Say That? Judge Robert Lee Eschenburg, II of Floresville (218th District Court) notes that "you rarely write about a judge's goof" ? and contributes one of his own:I have just finished a criminal trial. During the final argument by one of the attorneys, the other attorney raised an objection...
December 2001 - Did They Really
Posted on July 31, 2008December 2001 - Did They Really Say That? From Judge Ralph H. Walton, Jr., of Granbury, 355th Judicial District), this excerpt ?from the direct examination by the prosecutor in a recent driving-while-intoxicated case in [his] court in which the elderly, hard-of-hearing ?Uncle Billy? was called to testify...
June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph
Posted on July 30, 2008June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph Jacobson, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 49, No. 4 ? April 1986.Q. Isn?t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?A. Yes, it is, but you can?t prove it!
July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's
Posted on July 29, 2008July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's ColumnFrom Loren G. Klitsas of Houston (Celedonia, Smith & Klitsas), this excerpt from the long cross-examination of an investigating police officer "recording his opinions as to the cause of the traffic accident."Q...
September 1993 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on July 28, 2008September 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From Donald K. Buckman of Fort Worth (Cantey & Hanger), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in an age discrimination suit:Q. Was it permissable for you and your employees to use the 1065 photocopier if the others were busy?A...
February 1995 - Did They Really
Posted on July 25, 2008February 1995 - Did They Really Ask That?From Doug Gwyther of Corpus Christi (Doug is a legal assistant with Perry & Haas), these "unartful questions" asked by one of the "young and extremely talented partners" at Perry & Haas.Q. Do y'all have any corners that you can't see around?A...
September 1993 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on July 24, 2008September 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From Donald K. Buckman of Fort Worth (Cantey & Hanger), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in an age discrimination suit:Q. Was it permissable for you and your employees to use the 1065 photocopier if the others were busy?A...
July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's
Posted on July 23, 2008July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's ColumnFrom Loren G. Klitsas of Houston (Celedonia, Smith & Klitsas), this excerpt from the long cross-examination of an investigating police officer "recording his opinions as to the cause of the traffic accident."Q...
February 1993 - Oh, Shucks! Oh,
Posted on July 18, 2008February 1993 - Oh, Shucks! Oh, Lord!From Cheryl D. Olesen of Beaumont (Wells, Peyton, etc.), this excerpt from the deposition of the owner of a construction company ? with the explanation that "the questioning attorney was apparently attempting to establish that part of the delay [in completion of the job] was occasioned by company employees performing side jobs for adjoining landowners...
October 2002 - The Record Will
Posted on July 17, 2008October 2002 - The Record Will So ReflectFrom Judith K. Shipway of Austin, Judith is an Assistant District Attorney for Travis County. This excerpt is from direct examination conducted by Chris Dagan, also a Travis County Assistant District Attorney. Judith suggests this is how "a careful prosecutor makes sure the record clearly reflects the meaning of the words used by a witness in his or her testimony...
July 1989 - Did He Really Ask That?Q.
Posted on July 16, 2008July 1989 - Did He Really Ask That?Q. Did your father have any other children?A. I didn't know about them. I weren't born yet.Q. If you don't know, just say, "I don't know." Now, Mr. J., you don't know much about your family, do you?A. I don't know.
May 1985 - What About Your Job?
Posted on July 15, 2008May 1985 - What About Your Job? Q. What do you do for a living?A. I help my brother.Q. What does your brother do?A. Nothing.***Q. You said you went to Galveston in 1920, yet the first job you told me about was in 1946. What did you do between 1920 and 1946?A...
December 1987 - Did They Really
Posted on July 14, 2008December 1987 - Did They Really Say That?Judge Buddie J. Hahn of Orange (260th District Court) sends this excerpt from "a murder trial that recently took place in my court."During Voir Dire:D.A.: Has anyone served on a criminal jury before?(One juror raised his hand)D...
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on July 11, 2008May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...
Sept 1987 - Do You Mean Literally,
Posted on July 10, 2008Sept 1987 - Do You Mean Literally, Or What?John Wright of Grand Prairie (Wright & Associates) submitted the standard "identify everybody and everything" interrogatories in a case in which is client had been sued in JP Court. Fortunately for all of us, these were the handwritten answers to questions 3 and 11 by the plaintiff, Tammy Sue Porter...
December 2002 - Did They Really
Posted on July 09, 2008December 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From Thomas B. Alleman of Dallas (the Winstead firm), this letter "suggesting the most singular method for resolving a dispute that [Tom] has seen in 25 years of practicing law."Dear Mary:Enclosed please find a check in the amount of $2,500...
January 1989 - What Was That Again?
Posted on July 08, 2008January 1989 - What Was That Again? From Judge David G. Lewis of Dumas (Moore County Court of Law), this excerpt from a recent divorce custody trial in Moore County. Q. And what did you do that night? A. We made and sent out some fliers. [Being the West Texas pronunciation of "flowers"] Q...
October 1993 - Be Careful With
Posted on July 07, 2008October 1993 - Be Careful With ExpertsFrom Judge Frank Andrews of Dallas (116th District Court), this excerpt from the testimony of the obstetrician/gynecologist in a malpractice-death case.Q. All right. Let's go back to 4:15 [on the patient's chart]...
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis
Posted on July 03, 2008April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...
February 2003 - Don't Leave Me
Posted on July 02, 2008February 2003 - Don't Leave Me OutFrom Donald J. Drago of Austin, upon the review of a document shown as an exception on a commitment for title insurance covering a tract of land in Harrison County, this "restrictive covenant" found in a Warranty Deed from the Smiths (the sellers) to an investment entity:Item No...
March 2005 - Did He Really Say
Posted on July 01, 2008March 2005 - Did He Really Say That?From Michael R. Ross of Houston (Tribble & Sanders), who represents the?not-so-innocent defendant (incarcerated in the state penitentiary) in an automobile collision case.?The plaintiff was represented by C. Michael Davis of Friendswood, who filed special exceptions to the defendant?s original answer, where State Farm pleaded ?the complications and/or injuries suffered by Plaintiff and giving rise to this suit were proximately caused by pathophysiological factors over which this Defendant possessed no control...
June 2007 - Classic TyposJames
Posted on June 30, 2008June 2007 - Classic TyposJames A. Newsom of Houston Munisteri, Sprott, Rigby, Newsom & Robbins) found this typo in a letter he received from a Beaumont attorney:Mr. Newsom,I have provided LexisNexis with your contact information on behalf of John Crane, Inc...
May 1998 - What Is It That You
Posted on June 27, 2008May 1998 - What Is It That You Don't Remember? From John T. Ritter of Austin (Davis & Davis), this excerpt from a memorable deposition. Q. Let me ask you this: Do you have any memory problems? Do you have problems recalling things, from time to time? A...
September 1997 - Did They Really
Posted on June 26, 2008September 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Pete T. Patterson of Houston (London, Schaeffer & Patterson), this excerpt from the testimony of the president of a management company in a premises liability case - in which Pete represents the plaintiff...
February 2, 1995 - Are You Married?From
Posted on June 25, 2008February 2, 1995 - Are You Married?From Paul Purtha of Dallas (Humphrey & Associates), this excerpt from a recent depostition in a nursing home liability case:Q. Were y'all married at that time?A. Yes, we were.Q. Could you tell me what year y'all got married?A...
July 1997 - Did They Really Say
Posted on June 24, 2008July 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge Bruce Woody of Dallas (County Court at Law No. Four), this excerpt from the record in a "no hot water in the apartment" case recently tried in his court.Q. Okay, did you ever have occasion to receive hot water in a cold water outlet?A...
May 2008 - Great NamesThis contribution
Posted on June 23, 2008May 2008 - Great NamesThis contribution is from Roger D. Hepworth of Austin (Henslee Schwartz), who writes that he "was reading an old case and had to laugh out loud."This was an appeal of a student discipline matter in a case before the Commissioner of Education...
June 2008 - Classic TyposStan Hinton
Posted on June 20, 2008June 2008 - Classic TyposStan Hinton of Frisco found this marvelous typo in an "Errata" issued by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit on March 7, 2008:"Precedential Opinion Decided:"March 6, 2008Page 2, three lines from the bottom,'Bowels' should be 'Bowles...
June 1987 - Did I Really Ask That?Court
Posted on June 19, 2008June 1987 - Did I Really Ask That?Court Jesters records this question asked by a Vancouver lawyer: "what colour were the blue jeans?" As well as the Canadian lawyer who single-handedly (or mouthily) asked these immortal questions:Q. How long have you known your brother?Q...
April 2004 - Can You Describe the
Posted on June 18, 2008April 2004 - Can You Describe the Pain?This deposition excerpt is from Marvin L. Cook of San Antonio (he is general counsel of Southwest Business Corp.). The plaintiff in a slip-and-fall case is being questioned about the injuries allegedly suffered at the time of the fall...
May 1995 - The PasswordFrom Randall
Posted on June 17, 2008May 1995 - The PasswordFrom Randall B. Wilhite of Houston (Looper, Reed, etc.), this excerpt is from his direct examination of his client, the wife who "was requesting an unequal division of community property based on her husband being physically abusive toward her during the marriage...
May 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?
Posted on June 16, 2008May 1989 - Did I Really Hear That? This is from a post-trial hearing before me; the attorney was placed under oath so he could "make a record" in connection with a motion to dismiss on Speedy Trial Act grounds.The Court: Why don't you just do a narrative?Attorney: I will not question myself, your Honor...
October 1992 - A Modest ProposalFrom
Posted on June 13, 2008October 1992 - A Modest ProposalFrom Faith G. Burk of Dallas (Tobolowsky & Associates), this excerpt from a deposition taken by "her beloved boss," Iral E. Tobolowsky, in a landlord/tenant case - during which Ira discovers "the perfect wife":Q. Do you and your husband have a savings account or money market?A...
October 1995 - The AccidentQ. In
Posted on June 12, 2008October 1995 - The AccidentQ. In your opinion, how faw apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?Q. Were you alone in the car?A. Yes.Q. Were you driving?
June 1994 - Classic TyposFrom C.
Posted on June 11, 2008June 1994 - Classic TyposFrom C. Charles Dippel of Houston, a "long ago filed" bill of reviews in which "the plaintiff claimed her cause of action was truly meritricious (instead of meritorious)."From Stephen Gardner of Dallas, a Memorandum Opinion and Order which was "singed on Dec...
June 1993 - Doing Voir DireFrom
Posted on June 10, 2008June 1993 - Doing Voir DireFrom John Wright of Grand Prairie, this voir dire tale from one of his first trials, in the late 1950s, in which John's client represented the plaintiff in a justice of the peace court in Grand Prairie. John's client told him to "move as quickly as possible because he had a plane to catch" - so John just told the judge that the first six panel members looked fine and he "would take them as jurors...
May 1985 - Were You in the Military
Posted on June 09, 2008May 1985 - Were You in the Military ServiceQ. Were you in the Army?A. No sir, I didn't go.Q. Why?A. Well, when I was ready to leave they said, 'Well, everything is over,' and I say, 'Okay,' So I didn't go.
May 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?
Posted on June 06, 2008May 1989 - Did I Really Hear That? This is from a post-trial hearing before me; the attorney was placed under oath so he could "make a record" in connection with a motion to dismiss on Speedy Trial Act grounds.The Court: Why don't you just do a narrative?Attorney: I will not question myself, your Honor...
November 1997 - Witness 1, Lawyer
Posted on June 05, 2008November 1997 - Witness 1, Lawyer 0From Douglas D. Fletcher of Dallas (Fletcher & Springer), this excerpt from the deposition of an elevator mechanic in a personal injury case.Q. It would take you 30 full minutes, generally, to oil and grease [the elevator]?A...
April 2002 - Did They Really Say
Posted on June 04, 2008April 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From David A. Lawrance of Fort Worth (Kirkley, Schmidt & Cotten), this excerpt from an asbestos case deposition.Q. What you have in front of you is what has been marked as Exhibit A to your answers to interrogatories, and this is a list of, by my count, close to 300 different jobsites...
January 2006 - The Cross ExaminationU.S.
Posted on June 03, 2008January 2006 - The Cross ExaminationU.S. District Judge Fred Biery of San Antonio recently tried a robbery case to a jury in which "a related issue was whether a gun found several weeks after the robbery and after a creek bed had drained from recent rains was the gun which had been in the possession of the defendant...
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis
Posted on June 02, 2008April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...
February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom
Posted on May 30, 2008February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom Amy K. Rosenberg of Fort Collins, Colo. (Liggett, Smith & Williams), this trial excerpt from a "marriage dissolution proceeding" in which Amy's colleague, Michael Liggett, "was cross-examing the soon-to-be ex-wife" regarding some of her expenditures...
July 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?
Posted on May 29, 2008July 1987 - Did I Really Hear That? Q. What's his first name?A. I can't remember.Q. He's been your brother-in-law for 45 years and you can't remember his first name?A. No, I tell you. I'm too excited! [Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Borofkin] Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name.
April 1996 - Did They Really Ask
Posted on May 28, 2008April 1996 - Did They Really Ask That?From Beverly Hays of Dallas (Beverly is a paralegal with Patterson, Lamberty, etc. who "hopes this one makes the cut"), this excerpt from a personal injury deposition.Q. Why were you in Dallas that day?A. To see "Catherine the Great...
October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on May 27, 2008October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared that UpTheodore A. Hargrove, III of San Angelo sends this story about the Very First Divorce Client of Judge Royal Hart (51st Judicial District, Tom Green County):His client, the wife "lived on a ranch and apparently got none of the benefits of grocery shopping...
December 2002 - Did They Really
Posted on May 23, 2008December 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From John T. Flynn of Atlanta, Ga. (Smith, Currie & Hancock), this exchange between his client "and opposing counsel in a dispute where [his] client, as the developer of a series of multi-family residential units, had not responded to a letter from the defendants requesting payment for certain money they believed due...
April 2001 - Did They Really Mean
Posted on May 22, 2008April 2001 - Did They Really Mean That?From Christopher L. Graff of Austin (Hutchinson & Grundy), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in an automobile accident case.Q. Are you aware of any acts or omissions that Mr. _____ did or failed to do that caused or contributed to this accident?A...
June 1999 - How Dead Was He?From
Posted on May 21, 2008June 1999 - How Dead Was He?From U.S. Bankruptcy Judge John C. Akard of Lubbock, this explanation he received from an attorney in San Angelo who was explaining why his client was not present for the hearing before Judge Akard:The first time he died was in the Brownwood hospital.
April 1998 - Doing Voir DireFrom
Posted on May 20, 2008April 1998 - Doing Voir DireFrom Judge Bonnie Sudderth of Fort Worth (352nd Judicial District), this excerpt from a voir dire examination in her court:Mr. Smith: Okay, Mr. Riley?Prospective Juror: Yes, sir.Mr. Smith: You served on a civil jury. What were the facts?Prospective Juror: I never got it...
July 1997 - What Is The Truth,
Posted on May 19, 2008July 1997 - What Is The Truth, Anyway?From Melvin R. Wilcox, III of Longview (Smead, Anderson, Wilcox & Dunn), this excerpt from the deposition of a representative of the Chicago Northwestern Railroad concerning contracts filed with the Interstate Commerce Commission...
September 1996 - Did They Really
Posted on May 16, 2008September 1996 - Did They Really Say That?From U.S. Magistrate Judge J.Q. Warnick of Lubbock, this excerpt from a civil rights jury trial in his court - in which the pro se plaintiff claimed he was assaulted by several corrections officers. Texas Assistant Attorney General Bruce Garcia was questioning the male plaintiff:Q...
October 1995 - Do The Preliminary
Posted on May 15, 2008October 1995 - Do The Preliminary Stuff FirstQ. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
April 2003 - Doing Voir DireFrom
Posted on May 14, 2008April 2003 - Doing Voir DireFrom Paul Mewis of Houston, this excerpt from a voir dire record in a criminal case.The Court: What kind of work do you do?Prospective Juror: I'm a financial analyst.The Court: How long have you been doing that?Prospective Juror: 610 years...
May 1985 - Were You in the Military
Posted on May 13, 2008May 1985 - Were You in the Military Service Q. Were you in the Army?A. No sir, I didn't go.Q. Why?A. Well, when I was ready to leave they said, 'Well, everything is over,' and I say, 'Okay,' So I didn't go.
February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom
Posted on May 12, 2008February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom Trish Nasworthy of Grand Prairie (Trish is an Assistant City Attorney), this mistake she spotted in an ad in the Dallas Morning News.LITITAGATION ATTORNEY needed immediately. Large plaintiff's personal injury firm seeks associate...
February 2002 - Those JurorsFrom
Posted on May 09, 2008February 2002 - Those JurorsFrom Dan Lewis Carabin of San Antonio, this incident which his secretary Mary Lou Oravits, recently observed during voir dire in a criminal trial pending in the 144th District Court of Bexar County (the Honorable Robert Barton, Senior Judge presiding)...
January 2002 - Did They Really
Posted on May 08, 2008January 2002 - Did They Really Ask That?From Senior State District Judge A. D. Azios of Houston, this incident which took place while he was trying a felony case as a visiting judge in Montgomery County. The questions are by Assistant District Attorney Mike Seiler...
July 1999 - Classic TyposFrom Lillie
Posted on May 07, 2008July 1999 - Classic TyposFrom Lillie Knight of Houston (Lillie is an assistant city attorney), this typo in a letter she received from a property tax consultant:Dear Ms. Knight:... Thank you for your business, and please send your fiends our way. Please return before May 31st.
January 2001 - Classic TyposFrom
Posted on May 06, 2008January 2001 - Classic TyposFrom Sue F. Reid of Dallas, this marvelous typo in "an order appointing special commissions ... in an eminent domain proceeding for the appointment of three free-holders (disinterested parties) ... for the county court at law to hear testimony and assess damages ...
May 1995 - The ThinkerFrom Martha
Posted on May 05, 2008May 1995 - The ThinkerFrom Martha Hardwick of Dallas (Bauer, Rentzel, Millard & Hardwick), this deposition excerpt - with Martha's admission that she was "the obviously surprised questioner":Q. What made you decide to do that?A. I am thinking.Q. That's all right...
April 1998 - How Far Did You Go
Posted on May 02, 2008April 1998 - How Far Did You Go In School?From Rob Ramsey of San Antonio (Soules & Wallace), this trial excerpt:A. I known him [Mr. Barrera] since we started school. We went to school together and part of college.Q. Did you go to the same high school together?A...
October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on May 01, 2008October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That Up!From Judge Michael D. Schattman of Fort Worth (348th District Court), this exchange "between attorney Ken Kreis of Bosie, ID and a pretty hostile witness in a case I tried Feb. 15 of the year."Q. Well, my question wasn't whether he made a lot of trips to the office...
July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell
Posted on April 30, 2008July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell the Truth...Judge: (To young witness) Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?Witness: Yes, I would go to hell.Judge: Is that all?Witness: Isn't that enough?
March 1990 - Is That a Reasonable
Posted on April 29, 2008March 1990 - Is That a Reasonable Fee?This is from a hearing before the Texas Railroad Commission. It comes from Jack Balagia, Jr. of Austin (McGinnis, Lochridge, etc): he explains that An Unnamed Austin Lawyer is testifying in support of the reasonableness of the hourly rates being charged by his firm - which were to be passed through to the customers by the gas utility his firm was representing:Q...
October 1997 - And You, Sir, Are
Posted on April 28, 2008October 1997 - And You, Sir, Are AdiosFrom Versal Rush of Wichita Falls (Versal is the first assistant public defender), this exchange that took place in a competency trial before Judge Keith Nelson (78th District Court). The client believed that he spoke to Elvis and animals (especially a certain rooster); he claimed to have been, among other things, "a lawyer, judge, doctor, porno producer/director/star, parapsychologist," etc...
December 1986 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on April 25, 2008December 1986 - Did I Really Hear That?Q. What is your name?A. Ernestine McDowell.Q. And what is your marital status?A. Fair.
June 1998 - Something Completely
Posted on April 24, 2008June 1998 - Something Completely DifferentFrom Anonymous in Somplace, Texas - this excerpt from "bylaws" which had been prepared by parents who were incorporating a high school girls' booster club, which Anon., had been asked to review.The Sergeant at Arms shall:(a) Confirm that a quorum exists at all meetings ...
July 1995 - A Peerless JurySenior
Posted on April 23, 2008July 1995 - A Peerless JurySenior District Judge A.D. Azios of Houston (who presided over the 232rd District Court) was presiding over an uncontested mental competency hearing in a criminal case. After waiting a very long time for the jury panel, the attorneys agreed that - since both sides agreed that the defendant was certainly not competent to stand trial - they would just "take 12 attorneys who were in the courtroom to serve as jurors...
May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom
Posted on April 22, 2008May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom Michael P. Mallia of Houston (Mallia & Jacobs), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a medical malpractice case, in which Suzan Cardwell (Franklin, Cardwell & Jones) asks:Q. Have you ever had any female problems, for example?A...
November 1996 - Did They Really
Posted on April 21, 2008November 1996 - Did They Really Say That?From Marvin L. Cook of San Antonio (Marvin is general counsel for Southwest Business Corporation), this excerpt from his deposition in a covenant not too compete suit filed by his client.Q. Okay. I'm going to focus in on MacCurdy [the defendant] now...
July 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From
Posted on April 18, 2008July 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From Stephen J. Gugenheim of Dallas (Gardere & Wynne), two segments from the deposition "of the plaintiff in a bad faith case" - that was taken by Michael Quinn of Dallas (Zelle & Larson). Stephen Notes: "the first segment adds new meaning to the word "literal...
June 1995 - Be Very Careful With
Posted on April 17, 2008June 1995 - Be Very Careful With ExpertsFrom Joseph G. Rollins of Houston, this excerpt from the cross-examination of a medical expert witness in a workers' compensation trial.Q. Dr. Brown, you say the plaintiff has pain in his back, radiating down into his leg...
July 1993 - Blah Blah BlahFrom
Posted on April 16, 2008July 1993 - Blah Blah BlahFrom Kent Chambers of Beaumont (Strong, Pipkin, etc.), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a car/motorcycle accident case that was used at trial.Reporter's note: Whereupon there was an interruption, after which time the deposition continued as follows:Mr...
October 1996 - Al Ellis and the
Posted on April 15, 2008October 1996 - Al Ellis and the Deposition from HellAl Ellis of Dallas writes: "Often one has to take hundreds of depositions to find something worthy of print in et cetera. Occasionally, however, comes the "Deposition from Hell," in which almost the entire deposition is worthy of being printed in et cetera along with at least 35 separate footnotes...
June 1995 - From the Guiness Book
Posted on April 14, 2008June 1995 - From the Guiness Book of World RecordsFrom Al Ellis of Dallas, this excerpt from one of his recent depositions:Q. Before March of '88 were you in the law firm?A. No. I take that back. For two years while I was pregnant with my dauther, I had various positions, like a substitute teacher ...
December 1996 - The Court Reporters
Posted on April 11, 2008December 1996 - The Court Reporters Have Done It Again!Lynn Brooks of Dallas, who is (among other things) the book review editor of the Journal of Court Reporting, writes:The National Court Reporters Association has done it again: put together the third book of collected humor - stuff that lawyers and witnesses wish they'd never said...
May 1992 - A Really Prepared WitnessFrom
Posted on April 10, 2008May 1992 - A Really Prepared WitnessFrom Karen Jones of Bellevue, WA (Riddell, Williams, etc.) - who clerked for Chief Justice Barefoot Sanders of Dallas (N.D. Texas) - This reprise of a classic deposition excerpt:Q. ...Do you recognize the person in [this photograph] Plaintiff's Exhibit B?A...
April 2008 - Justice in Rusk CountyThis
Posted on April 09, 2008April 2008 - Justice in Rusk CountyThis marvelous!!! contribution is from Justice Bailey C. Moseley of Texarkana (Court of Appeals, 6th Appellate Dis-trict), who writes:?A number of years ago, I was engaged in a jury trial in Rusk County, representing the defendants in a trespass to try title case in which the plaintiffs were claiming ownership by adverse pos-session...
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From
Posted on April 08, 2008May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Albon O. Head, Jr. of Fort Worth (Jackson & Walker), this deposition excerpt from a toxic tort case - with the "confession" that he would enjoy embarrassing one of their "young (and very bright, I might add) associates" who took this deposition...
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From
Posted on April 07, 2008May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Albon O. Head, Jr. of Fort Worth (Jackson & Walker), this deposition excerpt from a toxic tort case - with the "confession" that he would enjoy embarrassing one of their "young (and very bright, I might add) associates" who took this deposition...
June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?James
Posted on April 04, 2008June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?James P. Walker, Jr. of Dallas (McKinley, Dubner) shares an excerpt from the deposition of a bankruptcy debtor who is serving time for stock fraud at the La Tuna Federal Corrections Institution. This cross-examination is by Wade Williams of Galveston (Mills, Shirley)...
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis
Posted on April 03, 2008April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis
Posted on April 02, 2008April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...
June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph
Posted on April 01, 2008June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph Jacobson, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 49, No. 4 ? April 1986.Q. Isn?t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?A. Yes, it is, but you can?t prove it!
May 2004 - Ask A Stupid Question
Posted on March 31, 2008May 2004 - Ask A Stupid Question ?Hal Monk of Bedford, who confesses that he has enjoyed the et cetera column for so many years that he ?feels plum guilty for not having sent ? any contributions in the past,? sent in this excerpt from the January 1993 deposition of Hollywood celebrity Zsa Zsa Gabor, Monk?s client...
January 1989 - What Was That Again?From
Posted on March 28, 2008January 1989 - What Was That Again?From Judge David G. Lewis of Dumas (Moore County Court of Law), this excerpt from a recent divorce custody trial in Moore County.Q. And what did you do that night?A. We made and sent out some fliers. [Being the West Texas pronunciation of "flowers"]Q...
July 1994 - Who Lives With You?From
Posted on March 27, 2008July 1994 - Who Lives With You?From L.A. Teehan of Houston (Eric J. Hedemann & Assoc.), this excerpt from the deposition of his client in a "premises liability case" - which falls in the they'll never get this guy for perjury category.Q. And you have no other dependents that live with you at all?A...
June 1993 - What Did You Do?From
Posted on March 26, 2008June 1993 - What Did You Do?From Diane Kirstein of San Antonio (Diane is an appellate lawyer for the U.S. Attorney's Office), this excerpt from the cross-examination of a canine enforcement officer in a criminal trial:A. I am a canine enforcement officer with U...
July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing
Posted on March 25, 2008July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing Document TitlePaul J. Van Osselaer of Austin (Van Osselaer, Cronin & Buchanan) and Robert Slovak of Dallas (Gardere Wynne Sewell) ? who are opposing counsel in a case on my docket ? jointly submitted the following:?Paul Van Osselaer of Austin ? was hoping that the alternative relief would be granted just to figure out what is going on...
May 2002 - I'm Not Appreciating
Posted on March 24, 2008May 2002 - I'm Not Appreciating AnythingFrom Sid S. Stover of Jasper (Seale, Stover, Bisbey & Morian), this excerpt from the deposition of his client, Sharon Clark, being taken by Marc Scheiness of Houston (Scheiness, Scott, Grossman & Cohn). Sharon Clark testified that her arm had become entangled in a large machine, horribly injuring it and that she could hear the bones breaking in her arm...
April 1991 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on March 21, 2008April 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?Tom Whitlock of Denton contributes this trial excerpt from "a mental health probable cause hearing in which he represented the proposed patient." Tom is cross-examining the mother of his client:Q.Has she ever [acted suicidal] or threatened to hurt anyone else?A...
February 2000 - The Medical ChartsFrom
Posted on March 20, 2008February 2000 - The Medical ChartsFrom Joseph V. Crawford of Austin (Wright & Greenhill), this entry in a patient's medical report by a chiropractor in Lake Charles, La:SUBJECTIVE COMPLAINTS Patient complained of headaches, neck pain, left forearm and thumb, right lower leg, left ankle, ringing in both ears and both hips.
June 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?
Posted on March 19, 2008June 1987 - Did I Really Hear That? JUDGE (scolding prosecutor): You cannot ask that witness what he was told by someone else. If you want that evidence in, you will have to get it some other way.PROSECUTOR: Very well them, Mr. Davies. Without telling me what he said to you, what did he tell you to say?
September 2002 - The "Suicide Question"
Posted on March 18, 2008September 2002 - The "Suicide Question" From U.S. Magistrate Judge Marcie A. Crone of Houston, this "excerpt from a recent employment discrimination" trial in her court in which the Plaintiff alleged mental anguish as well as other claims Q. I'm not asking if you attempted suicide...
June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?
Posted on March 17, 2008June 1989 - Did I Really Say That? From a telephone hearing conducted by one of the bankruptcy judges in Dallas: the judge has been advised that 12 attorneys are ready for him on the conference call. The Court: Okay. Thank you. I'm going to give the decision on the motion...
November 2004 - The Dog Ate the
Posted on March 14, 2008November 2004 - The Dog Ate the CitationCheryl S. Lay of El Paso (Leslie & Lay, P.C.) serves as an associate municipal court judge ? and she recently had this motion presented to her to recall a warrant:?DEFENDANT?S MOTION TO WITHDRAW AWARRANT AND TO SET MATTER FOR HEARING??2...
June 1993 - What Did You Do?From
Posted on March 13, 2008June 1993 - What Did You Do?From Diane Kirstein of San Antonio (Diane is an appellate lawyer for the U.S. Attorney's Office), this excerpt from the cross-examination of a canine enforcement officer in a criminal trial:A. I am a canine enforcement officer with U...
December 1992 - May I Have a Little
Posted on March 12, 2008December 1992 - May I Have a Little Longer, Judge?From Courtney L. Bass of Irving, this voir dire excerpt sent to her by one of her students from the National Institute on Trial Advocacy - which involves that "catch-all" type questions "which would hopefully elicit any valuable information that we missed by our more specific questions to the panel...
October 1991 - Did I Really Ask
Posted on March 11, 2008October 1991 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge Joseph H. Hart of Austin (126th District), this passage from an early 1991 hearing.Q. What happened to this man she was taking care of [at the home care facility]?A. He's deceased now.Q. Was he taken out of the home when he had to go to the hospital - he had to be admitted to the hospital?A...
February 1989 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on March 10, 2008February 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?From Mary Strand, a staff attorney for the Tyler Court of Appeals, this testimony from a hearing on temporary child conservatorship - by witness who had "obviously not been testifying as expected":Q. Let me ask you this: Have you been frank in your answers?A...
January 2001 - In That Case ...From
Posted on March 07, 2008January 2001 - In That Case ...From Sean P. Healy of Tyler (courtesy of court reporter Kristy Crawford), this exchange in the 321st District Court where "Joe Shumate and Sam George were making announcements at docket call":The Court: Okay. Do y'all want a hearing today after 11 then?Mr...
May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton
Posted on March 06, 2008May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton CollectionFrom Cindy Singleton who sent me these excerpts after cleaning out her desk during her last week at the Tarrant County D.A.'s office.Mr. Ally: Ask that you instruct the jury to disregard, Your Honor, the comment of Mr...
January 2000 - Did They Really
Posted on March 05, 2008January 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From W. Marc McDonald of Fort Worth (Bourland, Smith, etc.), this "classically confused" statement made by one of his partners, William R. Korlo, Jr. during a recent deposition.Mr. Korlo: All right. Let me turn your attention to Plaintiff's Exhibit No...
March 2008 - Classic TyposLarry
Posted on March 04, 2008March 2008 - Classic TyposLarry Warner of Brownsville found this typo in an appeal to the 14th Court of Appeals in Houston:Mr. Richards: We prefer that the witnesses be here as well. That's why we filed for a motion for continuous because we weren't able to serve them...
July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim
Posted on March 03, 2008July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim D. Bowmer of Temple (Bowmer, Courtney) sent me a couple of stories "about our great friend Percy Foreman." One time when Percy was questioning a prospective juror of German heritage in Comal County, which is not noted for its leniency against criminal defendants...
November 2004 - The Dog Ate the
Posted on February 28, 2008November 2004 - The Dog Ate the CitationCheryl S. Lay of El Paso (Leslie & Lay, P.C.) serves as an associate municipal court judge ? and she recently had this motion presented to her to recall a warrant:?DEFENDANT?S MOTION TO WITHDRAW AWARRANT AND TO SET MATTER FOR HEARING??2...
July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing
Posted on February 27, 2008July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing Document TitlePaul J. Van Osselaer of Austin (Van Osselaer, Cronin & Buchanan) and Robert Slovak of Dallas (Gardere Wynne Sewell) ? who are opposing counsel in a case on my docket ? jointly submitted the following:?Paul Van Osselaer of Austin ? was hoping that the alternative relief would be granted just to figure out what is going on...
May 2001 - Did They Really Say
Posted on February 26, 2008May 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From Roger A. Berger of Houston, who was defending a hospital emergency room group in a malpractice case, this excerpt from the deposition of the administrator of the Group. The question by the plaintiff's counsel was intended to define the different types of emergency room patients - but it elicited a literal answer...
April 2004 - Can You Describe the
Posted on February 25, 2008April 2004 - Can You Describe the Pain?This deposition excerpt is from Marvin L. Cook of San Antonio (he is general counsel of Southwest Business Corp.). The plaintiff in a slip-and-fall case is being questioned about the injuries allegedly suffered at the time of the fall...
June 1988 - How Tractor/Trailers
Posted on February 22, 2008June 1988 - How Tractor/Trailers WorkThis is only one of several excerpts sent to me by Al Ellis of Dallas from a single deposition which "totally, fully, and without reservation supports the theory that depositions should never be taken!"Q. So, if somebody was behind you -A...
April 1990 - Recalling & RecollectingTerry
Posted on February 21, 2008April 1990 - Recalling & RecollectingTerry L. Belt of Austin submits this excerpt from the deposition of the father who was seeking to modify the child custody terms of the divorce.Q. Do you remember the incident on the day that you came running up from the basement and explained to your wife that you were going to kill yourself?A...
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on February 20, 2008May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...
June 2002 - Did They Really Say
Posted on February 19, 2008June 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From Jeffrey S. Lisson of Winston-Salem, N.C., this excerpt from a deposition he "recently took of a maintenance supervisor for a hotel at which a paraplegic woman I represent was scalded in a hotel bathroom."Q. [By Mr...
May 1985 - What About Your Job?Q.
Posted on February 15, 2008May 1985 - What About Your Job?Q. What do you do for a living?A. I help my brother.Q. What does your brother do?A. Nothing.***Q. You said you went to Galveston in 1920, yet the first job you told me about was in 1946. What did you do between 1920 and 1946?A...
January 1992 - From the Trials
Posted on February 14, 2008January 1992 - From the Trials of BuchmeyerQ. What did you do with the money you got from the land flip?A. Bought a Mercedes 450 SL convertible.Q. Why?A. Well, it was a little less ostentatious than buying a Rolls Royce.
February 1999 - Did They Really
Posted on February 13, 2008February 1999 - Did They Really Ask That?From Donald J. Hahn of Dallas (Collins, Norman & Basinger), this question that a lawyer asked his client in a hearing in Probate Court No. 2 (Judge Robert E. Price):Q. Now, Mrs. Smith, is it true that you were well acquainted with John Smith as a result of the fact that you were married to him for over 55 years?
June 1985 - How Did the Accident
Posted on February 12, 2008June 1985 - How Did the Accident Happen?This excerpt from an actual deposition originally appeared in the book "I Solemnly Swear" by Houston court reporter Jerry von Sternberg (Carlton Press, 1978).Q. What happened then?A. The last thing I remember I see a car up in the air, and I knew I was being turned...
February 2001 - Did They Really
Posted on February 11, 2008February 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge David R. Gibson of Dallas (County Court at Law No. 1) this excerpt from am affidavit filed in connection with a special appearance in his court:11. On Nov 2nd, 1992, I attended a business meeting at the offices of Smith Import and Export Company as an observer...
July 1989 - How Much Did You Have
Posted on February 08, 2008July 1989 - How Much Did You Have to Drink?Defendant: (Charged with drunk driving) Your Honor, I only had one for the road.Judge: How many did you have for the ditch?__Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your defense?Defendant: Habitual Thirstiness?
February 1989 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on February 07, 2008February 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?From Mary Strand, a staff attorney for the Tyler Court of Appeals, this testimony from a hearing on temporary child conservatorship - by witness who had "obviously not been testifying as expected":Q. Let me ask you this: Have you been frank in your answers?A...
March 1998 - An Expert's Best Friend
Posted on February 06, 2008March 1998 - An Expert's Best Friend Is ...From Ernest Reynolds, III of Fort Worth, this excerpt from his direct examination of an expert witness who had consulted with him on several other cases. The opposing attorney was Tom Webb of San Angelo.Q. We know each other personally; is that correct?A...
July 1994 - How Dead Is He?From
Posted on February 05, 2008July 1994 - How Dead Is He?From Carolyn J. Johnsen of Phoenix, Ariz. (Herbert Schenk & Johnsen) - Carolyn was a law clerk for U.S. District Judge Hal Woodward of Lubbock - this excerpt from the deposition of the guarantor's wife who was accused of altering the signatures on the guarantee:Q...
November 1989 - Let's Be Particularly
Posted on February 04, 2008November 1989 - Let's Be Particularly Careful Out ThereFrom Judge James A. Blackstock of Angleton (County Court at Law No. 3 and Probate Court), this bit of direct examination by the state's attorney who is interrupted by an objection by the guardian ad litem for the children...
December 1999 - As An Older JudgeIn
Posted on February 01, 2008December 1999 - As An Older JudgeIn response to my letter asking the parties in one of my cases to agree to a trial before Magistrate Judge Bill Sanderson, I received this reply from the plaintiff's lawyer (which caused me to take the rest of the day off):I discussed your letter at length with my client...
July 1997 - Did They Really Say
Posted on January 31, 2008July 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From John E. Haught of Beaumont (Mehaffy & Weber), this excerpt from the deposition of a supposed eyewitness to an automobile accident who was a close friend of the plaintiff's family.A. It's nothing out of the ordinary that I didn't, you know, go by and see Ms...
February 2008 - Typos (Classic
Posted on January 30, 2008February 2008 - Typos (Classic & Otherwise)Randy Schaffer of Houston found this typo in one of his letters: "This means the Filth circuit will resolve all of the issues instead of the single issue authorized by the district court." (And someone has written: "I dare you to send this to Buchmeyer...
January 2002 - Did They Really
Posted on January 29, 2008January 2002 - Did They Really Ask That?From Senior State District Judge A. D. Azios of Houston, this incident which took place while he was trying a felony case as a visiting judge in Montgomery County. The questions are by Assistant District Attorney Mike Seiler...
July 1993 - Who Said Vaudeville
Posted on January 28, 2008July 1993 - Who Said Vaudeville Was Dead?From Ronald E. Bunch of Waxahachie, this excerpt from a criminal trial: Ron is questioning the deputy sheriff about his appearance in a line-up.Q. And do you remember how you were dressed [for the line-up]?A. Yeah, dress slacks and a grey short-sleeved shirt, if my memory serves me correctly...
February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom
Posted on January 25, 2008February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom Trish Nasworthy of Grand Prairie (Trish is an Assistant City Attorney), this mistake she spotted in an ad in the Dallas Morning News.LITITAGATION ATTORNEY needed immediately. Large plaintiff's personal injury firm seeks associate...
April 1996 - Did They Really Ask
Posted on January 24, 2008April 1996 - Did They Really Ask That?From Beverly Hays of Dallas (Beverly is a paralegal with Patterson, Lamberty, etc. who "hopes this one makes the cut"), this excerpt from a personal injury deposition.Q. Why were you in Dallas that day?A. To see "Catherine the Great...
July 1996 - Did They Really Say
Posted on January 23, 2008July 1996 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge Michael D. Schattman of Fort Worth (348th District Court), this exchange that took place as Clay Humphries (Cantely & Hanger) began his cross-examination in a wrongful discharge case:The Court: Mr. Humphries, your witness...
March 2007 - Did He Really Say
Posted on January 22, 2008March 2007 - Did He Really Say That?From Timothy J. Daniels of San Antonio (Daniels & Daniels), this story about how he prepared his client, Jim Shipman, ?for direct and cross examination by posing numerous anticipated questions ? spending hours on this aspect...
November 1997 - Did They Really
Posted on January 18, 2008November 1997 - Did They Really Ask That?From Andrew H. Petty of Houston (Alsup & Petty), this paragraph from a discovery request:Request for Production No. 19Please produce all documents Defendant destroyed which relate to matters in Plaintiff's Original Complaint.
May 1996 - I Want To Be AdoredFrom
Posted on January 17, 2008May 1996 - I Want To Be AdoredFrom Kelly M. Massad of Addison, this classic typo from a lawyer's "Divorces $100" advertisement in the Feb. 18 edition of the Dallas Morning News "TV Magazine":Stanley Burch is licensed by the Texas Supreme Court & admired before all U...
May 1994 - Lawyers May Destroy
Posted on January 16, 2008May 1994 - Lawyers May Destroy The EarthThis month's title was supplied by Jimmy Patterson, a reporter with The Midland Reporter-Telegram, who submitted it with this news story:Eight year-old Jennifer Patterson, a second grader at Rusk Elementary in Midland, Texas, explained recently that millions of years ago dinosaurs became extinct "when mediators hit the earth...
May 1996 - The Docket EntryFrom
Posted on January 15, 2008May 1996 - The Docket EntryFrom Robert Edwin Davis, of Dallas (Davis, LeClair, Loegering & Daniel), this docket sheet from a 1995 case in the Circuit Court of Franklin County, Mo. - which "makes it clear that there are still judges sitting on the bench with courage enough to say precisely what they think, and with eloquence enough to make the court's views unmistakable...
June 1995 - What We Have Here is
Posted on January 14, 2008June 1995 - What We Have Here is a Failure to CommunicateFrom Mark W. Laney of Plainview (Laney & Stokes), this excerpt from a deposition in a dog bite case, being taken by his partner, Steve Stokes.Q. What was his name?A. Wes Harris.Q. Is he a local man, Wes Harris?A...
July 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From
Posted on January 10, 2008July 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From Bretton C. Gerard of Dallas (Gerard, Myrin & Singer), this excerpt from the deposition of the defendant in a dispute involving ownership of an apartment complex: the plaintiffs (Bretton's clients) had a contract to sell the apartments - but the defendant contended that he had an interest in the property and a contract to sell them to a third party for a higher price...
July 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From
Posted on January 09, 2008July 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge Tom Bacus of Wichita Falls (County Court at Law Number Two), this excerpt from a hearing to probate the will of a client's only remaining parent." Judge Bacus explains that the attorney - whose practice consists primarily of family law - followed "the usual litany of questions necessary to prove the death facts and admission of the will to probate,' and closed with these questions:Q...
June 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From
Posted on January 08, 2008June 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From Leon Breeden of San Marcos, this excerpt from a hearing on a motion to dissolve a writ of sequestration on a registered quarter horse and other property:Q. Had Mr. Becker come to your property and asked to ... look at this property?A...
November 1992 - Did I Really Cause
Posted on January 07, 2008November 1992 - Did I Really Cause That?From Robert J. Malinak of Houston (Baker & Botts), this excerpt from a deposition in a case involving the alleged wrongful termination of an insurance company. The witness, an employee of the agency, was represented by Richard Tate of San Antonio (Kendrick & Pipkin)...
October 1992 - Did I Really Hear
Posted on January 04, 2008October 1992 - Did I Really Hear That?From Darrell F. Smith of San Antonio, this excerpt from a 1988 deposition; Darrell was then in Midland and John Steven Dwyre of Lubbock was deposing Darrell's client - when "he established for all purposes relativorium cognito uno, cognoscitur et alterum involving [Darrell's] client":Q...
April 2004 - Can You Describe the
Posted on January 03, 2008April 2004 - Can You Describe the Pain?This deposition excerpt is from Marvin L. Cook of San Antonio (he is general counsel of Southwest Business Corp.). The plaintiff in a slip-and-fall case is being questioned about the injuries allegedly suffered at the time of the fall...
July 1993 - Bad Questions and Good
Posted on January 02, 2008July 1993 - Bad Questions and Good AnswersFrom Thomas D. Paul of Houston (Fulbright & Jaworski), this excerpt from a deposition in a patent infringement case - where the questions are being asked by Bryan Medlock of Dallas (Richards, Medlock & Andrews):Q...
May 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From
Posted on December 31, 2007May 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From George M. Walker of Mobile, AL (Hand, Arendall, etc.), this excerpt from "one of the first depositions [he] ever attended" - of a "retired insulator from a local shipbuilding company in an asbestos case" (so there were, "as usual, 25 defense lawyers around a conference room table peppering [the witness] with questions:"Q...
December 1993 - Did He Really Say
Posted on December 28, 2007December 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From Leslie R. Weatherhead of Spokane, WA (Witherspoon, Kelley, etc.), this "gem from a Secret Service 'Q and A' of a guy who designed an impressive scheme to defraud banks through the use of phony checks to fictitious payees such as 'Robin Banks' and 'E...
February 1994 - The Criminal StuffFrom
Posted on December 27, 2007February 1994 - The Criminal StuffFrom Ron Goranson of Dallas (Milner, Goranson, etc.), this trial excerpt from the cross-examination of an IRS undercover agent by Dallas lawyer G. Thomas Rhodus.Q. Now, will you agree with me that there are certainly areas where the tax laws are complex?A...
February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom
Posted on December 21, 2007February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom Trish Nasworthy of Grand Prairie (Trish is an Assistant City Attorney), this mistake she spotted in an ad in the Dallas Morning News.LITITAGATION ATTORNEY needed immediately. Large plaintiff's personal injury firm seeks associate...
October 1991 - Summer ClerkingFinally!
Posted on December 20, 2007October 1991 - Summer ClerkingFinally! The first et cetera contributions from summer clerks from McCleod, Alexander, Powel & Apffel of Galveston (and Houston).From Jennifer E. Patton, excerpts from a deposition in a real estate dispute - with Jennifer's explanation that the plaintiff's attorney is deposing the owner of some adjoining property (a doctor); that the defense attorney "had been objecting 'almost continuously;'" and that, after this went on "for quite some time" the good doctor" decided to strike back:"Def...
June 1997 - BankrupturesFrom Barbara
Posted on December 19, 2007June 1997 - BankrupturesFrom Barbara Botello's Battery of Blunders (proofreader and librarian for the Amarillo firm of Hinkle, Cox, etc.1. Trustee recommends that this clam be allowed ... (claim)2. The creditor can threaten to turn the debtor into the Credit Bureau ...
April 1988 - The Judge Without
Posted on December 18, 2007April 1988 - The Judge Without a GavelRobert F. Barnes of Hidalgo (former district judge of the 93rd and 275th district courts), was visited by a group of third-grade students from Mission on a "field trip" when he was sitting in Mission as a visiting judge...
December 1992 - That Sounds Like
Posted on December 13, 2007December 1992 - That Sounds Like My LawyerFrom David A. Wallin of Dallas ("Illustrations & Designs"), these "courtroom questions" by Canadian attorneys, as reported in a Toronto Star column by Peter V. MacDonald:Q. And you are how old a woman, sir?***Q...
December 2007 - Is That Testimonial?This
Posted on December 12, 2007December 2007 - Is That Testimonial?This contribution is from Lori J. Kaspar, the assistant county attorney of Hood County (Granbury) Court at Law, who writes:"The female defendant stood beside her court-appointed lawyer for her misdemeanor plea."Visiting Judge William H...
January 2001 - In That Case ...From
Posted on December 11, 2007January 2001 - In That Case ...From Sean P. Healy of Tyler (courtesy of court reporter Kristy Crawford), this exchange in the 321st District Court where "Joe Shumate and Sam George were making announcements at docket call":The Court: Okay. Do y'all want a hearing today after 11 then?Mr...
July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim
Posted on December 10, 2007July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim D. Bowmer of Temple (Bowmer, Courtney) sent me a couple of stories "about our great friend Percy Foreman." One time when Percy was questioning a prospective juror of German heritage in Comal County, which is not noted for its leniency against criminal defendants...
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared
Posted on December 07, 2007May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...
May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton
Posted on December 06, 2007May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton CollectionFrom Cindy Singleton who sent me these excerpts after cleaning out her desk during her last week at the Tarrant County D.A.'s office.Mr. Ally: Ask that you instruct the jury to disregard, Your Honor, the comment of Mr...
April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis
Posted on December 05, 2007April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis contribution from David W. Lindemood of Midland is from a CPS trial before District Judge Dean Rucker (318th District Court) in which Lindemood was the attorney ad litem for the child. The witness, who was the CASA guardian ad litem, is being questioned by Chris McCormack of Midland...
April 1990 - Recalling & RecollectingTerry
Posted on December 04, 2007April 1990 - Recalling & RecollectingTerry L. Belt of Austin submits this excerpt from the deposition of the father who was seeking to modify the child custody terms of the divorce.Q. Do you remember the incident on the day that you came running up from the basement and explained to your wife that you were going to kill yourself?A...
July 2003 - Did They Really Say
Posted on December 03, 2007July 2003 - Did They Really Say That?This contribution from Ileana M. Blanco (Bracewell & Giuliani):Q. Let's talk about McNish for a moment. You said he was a beast. He weighed about 300 pounds, didn't he?The Court: I don't think I heard anybody say anybody was a beast...
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