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Law Humor

Arkansawyer Arkansawyer

Satirical take on legal and political issues of the day often in the form of imagined dialog.
By Pseudoanonymous

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Last Entry: November 11, 2009 at 01:54:40

Recent Entries: 61

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Songs with which I’ve sung Quincy to sleep over the years

Posted on November 11, 2009
“America the Beautiful”, known between Quincy and myself as “Oh Beautiful” “My Ride’s Here”, which didn’t have a name I can think of tonight “Come As You Are”, which Quincy asked for as “Drenched in Mud” I’ve sung others, but those over and over (and I never really got tired of them).


“Tomorrow’s Election Analysis Tonight”

Posted on November 03, 2009
Go on–you need the laugh.


“We would much rather get rid of racism than get rid of poverty.”

Posted on November 03, 2009
Okay, this one really is via Will Shetterly: Today, says David Brooks, ?the rich don’t exploit the poor, they just out-compete them.? And if out-competing people means tying their ankles together and loading them down with extra weight while hiring yourself the most expensive coaches and the best practice facilities, he’s right...


Two Cartoons

Posted on November 01, 2009
The first one doesn’t have the greatest artwork, but it is funny and it is my life. The second one (via Will Shetterly) is like if Randall Munroe had a degree in theology.


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My Own Private FakeAPStylebook Entry

Posted on October 27, 2009
Don’t get your Lincolns confused. Abraham Lincoln: Democrat. Blanche Lincoln: Republican.


“Kanye interrupts himself interrupting Taylor Swift”

Posted on September 20, 2009
Exactly as the title says.


I salute you brother

Posted on September 13, 2009
Jim Carroll is dead. I still think of him as Hawk from “Time Considered As A Helix Of Semi-Precious Stones”. I always will.


“A concept album about finding a halfway decent song for Ringo”

Posted on September 13, 2009
Now hitting on all 16 cylinders, the Beatles bolted back to the woodshed for The Beatles, a blandly designed masterwork that could inspire any reasonable citizen of California to launch a race war. To this day, we don?t know much about the four men who comprised the Beatles, but listening to this exceedingly non-black album [...


Warning! The Swine Flu vaccine is a government plot…

Posted on September 12, 2009
…to keep you healthy. That is all.


“The debt of gratitude he is owed makes it all the more horrifying, therefore, that he was treated so inhumanely.”

Posted on September 11, 2009
For once, I don’t have words of my own to add: The Prime Minister has released a statement on the Second World War code-breaker, Alan Turing, recognising the ?appalling? way he was treated for being gay. Alan Turing, a mathematician most famous for his work on breaking the German Enigma codes, was convicted of ?gross indecency? in [...


“What Obama is doing to our kids”

Posted on September 09, 2009
Mr. Obama said a lot of stuff about staying in school and studying, I guess like I do with my nice tutor, and Dad says that?s fine for me, as long as I don?t miss sports practice, but if those other kids do he won?t be able to hire them at his business and we [...


“Mixed Reviews for Connexxtex USB Hub”

Posted on August 28, 2009
Terrible, Terrible Experience When I ordered this, it said it would arrive on the 16th, but it didn?t show up until the 18th, and even then it was delivered while I was out buying garden supplies, so I had to go pick it up the next day. It works fine, but I?m so upset about the [...


“Ted Kennedy was more of a man’s man than any of the brush-clearing, hick-talking, pick-up driving politicians who overcompensate again and again by faking it.”

Posted on August 28, 2009
The question is less about fucking up, but how a man reacts to it. He was kicked out of Harvard for cheating on an exam, so he joined the military (although he would achieve none of the glory of John and Joe, Jr.). When the Chappaquiddick incident happened, he nutted up and told the voters [...


Sitting on your thumb is not an option

Posted on August 03, 2009
It’s short. Read it. Then consider this: Perhaps the ‘baggers will try to shout down U.S. Rep. Vic Snyder at his town hall meeting Wednesday night to talk about the Employee Free Choice Act and health reform. It’s being hosted by the Central Arkansas Labor Council at a union hall on Enmar Drive...


“I think a lot of my white readers think of white racism as a moral failing, not the accumulation of history and set of societal assumptions bearing down on us all.”

Posted on July 24, 2009
If I could get that sentence on a bumper sticker, I would, and not simply for the sake of black people. Understanding racism as a moral failing cripples white people who want, often desperately, not to be complicit in a racist system, and who are willing to make some level of sacrifice to do so...


“They smelled white trash, and they sneered.”

Posted on July 08, 2009
It’s wonderful, isn’t it, to hit a piece of writing that runs right along ideas you’d just been mulling over and thinking of how to express? Not just your thoughts, different in some particulars, but right up next to yours: Our congregational culture proves to be a barrier to many people who would otherwise love to [...


“We made the distinction of loving the child, but ridiculing the man.”

Posted on July 02, 2009
More empathy for an easy target: When the signs started to become clear, that the boy wasn?t right, that he was too isolated, underdeveloped, imperfect - we laughed, we stared, we assumed. He was our first boyfriend before he became our crazy cousin - always family...


“I think he should choose life.”

Posted on July 02, 2009
It’s distressing when a right-wing figure is involved in a sexual pecadillo, just as it was with Mark Sanford. First come the left-wing homophobes, explaining that he’s obviously a closeted gay. Next the gloating over hypocrisy, which (unlike the gay-baiting) has an ethical leg to stand on, until the glee begins to wear on me...


Under the Watchful Cyborg Eyes of the Benton County Sheriff

Posted on June 25, 2009
It’s a darned shame they don’t have this sort of technology in Iran. It would’ve made stopping those demonstrators a whole lot easier. And those civil rights people in the south? They never would have been out of the observation of the police...


“Why it’s a mistake to call Mark Sanford a hypocrite”

Posted on June 25, 2009
Read the whole thing: As several people have noted, in a sane world Sanford’s previous attempt to increase the misery of the poor people in South Carolina would be a much greater disability than his forgetfulness about his marriage vows. This one, too: Ken Starr set a rotten example, and it would be too bad if his critics [...


Blogroll Addition: Michael Yates, Cheap Motels and a Hot Plate

Posted on June 24, 2009
Michael Yates posts infrequently, and when he does, it’s meaty: Economists never say much about work. They talk about the supply of and the demand for labor, but they have very little to say about the nature of the work we do. Like most commentators, they seem to believe that modern economies will require ever more [...


Hey, Kids! Try This Trick from Tehran at Home!

Posted on June 24, 2009
As you can see from the Michael Yates post I linked to yesterday, many of us on the left are rooting for the people of Iran who went out in the streets to protest what they believed to be a stolen election. Now, here’s a thought experiment for you: What do you think would have happened [...


“music, sweet music, I wish I could caress, and kiss”

Posted on June 23, 2009
This came to me through an email list Michael Yates and I are on: A few years after our move, I suffered a bout of depression. I thought that this was because of some problems with our children and disgust with my job. It got so bad that I went into therapy...


Blogroll Addition: Wendell Griffen

Posted on June 21, 2009
Wendell Griffen is a prinicipled and outspoken man, a potent combination which cost him re-election to the Arkansas Court of Appeals. Now he has a blog and we are the better for it: The fact that dangerous people exist who will do dangerous and even deadly things is no excuse for contaminating the gospel of God’s [...


Self-Help for Commenters

Posted on June 21, 2009
Could you be a member of the lunatic fringe? Here are some symptoms: Are your comments longer than the article to which you respond? Do you cut and paste huge amounts of text? Do you write more than all other commenters combined? Do you have these symptoms? Does someone you love? Get help now! It’s never too late to leave [...


From Tragedy Comes A Training Opportunity

Posted on June 20, 2009
I’ve been following this terrible, terrible story with the sick dread a parent of a young child feels*, and looking for something good that might come from it. In the follow-up, I may have found it: On Monday at 4:35 p.m., Katrina Markley reported her two children missing from their duplex at 347-A Sage St...


“We have no proof that he is an American citizen–or for that matter, an earthling!”

Posted on June 20, 2009
Barack Obama, exposed! Ten minutes in, the fraud becomes clear.. (via Mashable)


“This bespells doom”

Posted on June 20, 2009
At least it bespells it correctly.


What I’m going to tell my daughter sometime during her teens

Posted on June 20, 2009
With any luck, you’re going to get to have sex thousands and thousands of times in your life. Try to enjoy it every time. Get contraception, NOW! so you aren’t bound to your biology. Practice safer sex. Experiment. Find out who and what you want...


Woman Dead, Police Negligent? Judge Cox Yawns

Posted on June 10, 2009
This is an outrage: FORT SMITH ? A Sebastian County circuit judge has dismissed a lawsuit accusing Fort Smith police of negligence after a woman was fatally stabbed in a busy intersection. Circuit Judge James O. Cox dismissed the suit filed by relatives of Christina Springs, who was stabbed to death by her estranged husband, Thomas Springs, [...


Local Boy Makes Good (at first. for a while. and then…)

Posted on June 07, 2009
I’d lost track of Vidoop after they moved out of Tulsa till this post from Chris Messina last Friday: When I was laid off from Vidoop last month, I didn?t so much as tweet about it. The circumstances were different this time. But because the lack of information coming from the company is disappointing (if not [...


Discuss: The Greatest Generation was the sixties generation

Posted on June 07, 2009
Think about it: Civil rights–really, a second (this time successful) reconstruction. Ending the Vietnam War. Second-wave feminism. Gay liberation. When you come right down to it, The Future. I’d been thinking along these lines before running into this piece by Chris Hayes (via a commenter on Making Light), who goes at the question from a whole [...


Backdated May Day post

Posted on May 01, 2009
So why May Day? Because the work’s not done: LITTLE ROCK ? Five Arkansas men are charged in a federal indictment in connection with a cross-burning incident in Donaldson, the Justice Department said Friday… The indictment, unsealed on Friday, alleges that from June 15 to June 21 the men were involved in a conspiracy to drive a [...


February’s Quote of the Month

Posted on February 28, 2009


This is where the New Year’s resolutions would go

Posted on January 01, 2009
Had I made any, that is–but I didn’t, so I’m inserting this note to that effect.


Melton Eugene Adams, February 6, 1920–December 4, 2008

Posted on December 04, 2008
From this day on I own my father’s gun. Stay all night, stay a little longer Dance all night, dance a little longer Take off your coat, throw it in the corner Don’t see why you can’t stay a little longer –”Stay All Night”, Bob Wills/Tommy Duncan


For extra credit, write a short paragraph in praise of our sponsor

Posted on December 03, 2008
The Little Rock School District is looking at a ten million dollar budget shortfall, and that’s bad bad bad. How are wealthier districts making ends meet? Here’s one way: “Tough times call for tough actions,” he says. So he started selling ads on his test papers: $10 for a quiz, $20 for a chapter test, $30 [...


Should I quit writing? Should I be good?

Posted on December 01, 2008
Much praise to those who spot the poem whose first line I shamelessly distorted into this title line. I’ve had the worst time trying to blog lately. Anyone with an encouraging word might chime in right about now. Discouraging words would be acceptable, too, as a reality check.


“The Ritual Self: Reaching for the Sacred with No Help from God “

Posted on November 14, 2008
Kind of wonderful: In light of all this supposed heterogeneity of meaning and intention, you now realize that ?God? is just a poetic word, with powerful historic reverberations and resonances, and that people use it as a lowest-common-denominator, generic, term to help coordinate something else that they are doing together, namely creating a psychological environment in [...


Barack Obama Wins. Thank you, Lyndon Baines Johnson.

Posted on November 04, 2008
I’m pretty stoked right now. It’s going to be a great eight years.


The Great Debate

Posted on October 05, 2008
It’s a little late in being posted, but I think you deserve to hear about the Biden-Palin debate: GWEN IFILL: (suddenly turning to camera) Oh hi! Didn’t see you come in! I’m Gwen Ifill, and welcome to “A Heartbeat Away,” better known as “What Will Stupid Sarah Say?” Originally, I was to moderate the first presidential [...


“There?s a subtle difference between insane and impossible.”

Posted on September 14, 2008
On the care and feeding of CEOs: You should respect your gut when that internal ?he?s insane? flag starts waving, but that doesn?t mean you should stop listening. There?s more data to gather and there are times where an insane approach might be the right thing...


League of Women Voters forum on public school funding

Posted on September 08, 2008
I’m going to try to liveblog this, but my connection is intermittent at best. {Arkansawyer: I’m now going through and fixing typos.} From left to right, Will Bond, State Representative, District 44; Sam Ledbetter, State Board member and former representative, District 37; Baker Kurrus, LR School Board member...


Forum on local public schools this Monday at 5:30

Posted on September 06, 2008
It’s at my church and is sponsored by the League of Women Voters. I plan to attend and, if possible, live blog the event. Speaking will be: Little Rock lawyer and state Board of Education member Sam Ledbetter; state Rep. Will Bond of Jacksonville, who’s been leadiing the charge to end the Pulaski desegregation case and [...


Open Minds K-12 conference sessions posted

Posted on September 02, 2008
Right here–schedule coming soon.


Howard Wolfson’s gracious endorsement of Obama (and, in passing, an explanation of how Hillary lost)

Posted on September 01, 2008
Anyone who can read this op-ed by Howard Wolfson and not believe all but an insignificant minority of Clintonites are not getting on the Obama bus (and not shuffling to the back, either) is either deluded or a desperate Republican partisan. (For the moment, let’s overlook the large overlap between those two sad groups of [...


Animator vs. Animation

Posted on August 31, 2008
Just what it says. Sit back and enjoy. via David Weinberger


People we meet at church, part one

Posted on August 31, 2008
This morning’s early service at church was titled Music and Religion, Part II (I missed Part I, darn it), and among the folks who were there were a visiting couple. Someone suggested that I’d enjoy talking with them, and that turned out to be true...


“Ham Sandwich McCain’s Actual Choice for Veep”

Posted on August 30, 2008
“Sandwiches are as American as apple pie,” said McCain spokesman Brian Rogers, “and it’s just like the Democrats to attack them, and, by implication, our entire American way of life, and, by further extension, the very human act of eating, and, by even further extension, life itself, and, by extensive extension, the very concept of [...


“O, Bomb It On The Mountain”

Posted on August 29, 2008
Of course, Dennis Perrin is probably right: “We’re a better country than this,” Obama assures us. Really? What movie has he been watching? All I saw last night was collective mania and delusion. The fact that a black man may lead the next phase of empire is genius, a beautiful cover...


Mr. November

Posted on August 29, 2008
Here’s a promise I’d give anything to hear a politician make in exactly these words: via Andy on the Road


No Comment Necessary

Posted on May 30, 2008
I Hardly Know Me Anymore The Scott McClellan story, as told to Michael Kinsley: It’s sad. It’s just sad. In all my years of public service, I am one of the finest people I have ever had the privilege to know and work with. I cannot imagine why I have chosen this moment to turn against everything [...


Lloyd Biggle, Jr. Looks Down Tonight From Desolation Row

Posted on May 30, 2008
There’s a very good blog entry from University Diaries at Inside Higher Ed: The problem with deciding that such people ? people who?ve read very few books, who can?t write a basic essay, who are probably functionally illiterate ? shouldn?t waste their time, money, and dignity at a university, is that a college degree makes an [...


Geeks Gone Wild!

Posted on May 18, 2008
A brief excerpt from a Relationship Therapy session: Therapist: SP, is the issue that you don’t know anything about these IDPs? SP: Definitely. User will have a few beers after work and then just show up with some IDP and, with only a very brief introduction, expect me to ‘party’, as he puts it...


“Not cyborgs. Robots.”

Posted on May 18, 2008
Well, then, that makes all the difference. (via Jeff Bohren)


Why it’s worth spending a few dollars more to send people places (Part I)

Posted on May 17, 2008
I?ve had some of the most interesting, stimulating, and just plain fun conversations. All of which occurred off-site, while hanging out in neighbouring pubs, coffee shops, or just walking. I?m not going to list names because that makes it sound like some stupid elitist club, and what was so great about these conversations is that [...


A Beginner’s Guide To Social Networking

Posted on May 17, 2008
I left a couple of words out of the title. (Found via The Growing Life.)


Weblog Addition: The Growing Life, by a Collins I don’t think I’m related to

Posted on May 17, 2008
This post had the quote that spurred me to add The Growing Life: Everyone has something lying dormant within them that stands to come alive and wreak havoc upon the world in beautiful ways. Those are words to conjure with. Check Clay Collins out. Here’s another one, this time for Orlis (who I know perfectly well will not [...


Lifecycle Management

Posted on May 17, 2008
8. Idiotic (possibly apocryphal) abuse case gets high public profile. 10. New rules ? means testing, reporting requirements, eligibility tightened. 14. Participation drops. Costs remain high, due to overhead for stricter reporting requirements. Yes, I was tempted to call it “Lifecycle (mis)Management”, but given the political climate (which the next election will help but not cure–there’s lots of [...


The Periodic Table of Governmental Interference in the Sciences

Posted on May 17, 2008
Let’s hope that by 2009 we won’t need a Mendelev to fill in the gaps. via Joho the Blog


“algebra is a civil right”

Posted on May 15, 2008
There’s much food for thought in this: As a left-leaning sort, I like the idea that a kid without the money to ‘go away’ to college has access to the same academic rigor as the kid with rich parents. A former colleague of mine used to say that algebra is a civil right, and I agreed [...



















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