Law Humor

April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis

Posted on July 03, 2008
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...

February 2003 - Don't Leave Me

Posted on July 02, 2008
February 2003 - Don't Leave Me OutFrom Donald J. Drago of Austin, upon the review of a document shown as an exception on a commitment for title insurance covering a tract of land in Harrison County, this "restrictive covenant" found in a Warranty Deed from the Smiths (the sellers) to an investment entity:Item No...

March 2005 - Did He Really Say

Posted on July 01, 2008
March 2005 - Did He Really Say That?From Michael R. Ross of Houston (Tribble & Sanders), who represents the?not-so-innocent defendant (incarcerated in the state penitentiary) in an automobile collision case.?The plaintiff was represented by C. Michael Davis of Friendswood, who filed special exceptions to the defendant?s original answer, where State Farm pleaded ?the complications and/or injuries suffered by Plaintiff and giving rise to this suit were proximately caused by pathophysiological factors over which this Defendant possessed no control...

June 2007 - Classic TyposJames

Posted on June 30, 2008
June 2007 - Classic TyposJames A. Newsom of Houston Munisteri, Sprott, Rigby, Newsom & Robbins) found this typo in a letter he received from a Beaumont attorney:Mr. Newsom,I have provided LexisNexis with your contact information on behalf of John Crane, Inc...

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May 1998 - What Is It That You

Posted on June 27, 2008
May 1998 - What Is It That You Don't Remember? From John T. Ritter of Austin (Davis & Davis), this excerpt from a memorable deposition. Q. Let me ask you this: Do you have any memory problems? Do you have problems recalling things, from time to time? A...

September 1997 - Did They Really

Posted on June 26, 2008
September 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Pete T. Patterson of Houston (London, Schaeffer & Patterson), this excerpt from the testimony of the president of a management company in a premises liability case - in which Pete represents the plaintiff...

February 2, 1995 - Are You Married?From

Posted on June 25, 2008
February 2, 1995 - Are You Married?From Paul Purtha of Dallas (Humphrey & Associates), this excerpt from a recent depostition in a nursing home liability case:Q. Were y'all married at that time?A. Yes, we were.Q. Could you tell me what year y'all got married?A...

July 1997 - Did They Really Say

Posted on June 24, 2008
July 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge Bruce Woody of Dallas (County Court at Law No. Four), this excerpt from the record in a "no hot water in the apartment" case recently tried in his court.Q. Okay, did you ever have occasion to receive hot water in a cold water outlet?A...

May 2008 - Great NamesThis contribution

Posted on June 23, 2008
May 2008 - Great NamesThis contribution is from Roger D. Hepworth of Austin (Henslee Schwartz), who writes that he "was reading an old case and had to laugh out loud."This was an appeal of a student discipline matter in a case before the Commissioner of Education...

June 2008 - Classic TyposStan Hinton

Posted on June 20, 2008
June 2008 - Classic TyposStan Hinton of Frisco found this marvelous typo in an "Errata" issued by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit on March 7, 2008:"Precedential Opinion Decided:"March 6, 2008Page 2, three lines from the bottom,'Bowels' should be 'Bowles...

June 1987 - Did I Really Ask That?Court

Posted on June 19, 2008
June 1987 - Did I Really Ask That?Court Jesters records this question asked by a Vancouver lawyer: "what colour were the blue jeans?" As well as the Canadian lawyer who single-handedly (or mouthily) asked these immortal questions:Q. How long have you known your brother?Q...

April 2004 - Can You Describe the

Posted on June 18, 2008
April 2004 - Can You Describe the Pain?This deposition excerpt is from Marvin L. Cook of San Antonio (he is general counsel of Southwest Business Corp.). The plaintiff in a slip-and-fall case is being questioned about the injuries allegedly suffered at the time of the fall...

May 1995 - The PasswordFrom Randall

Posted on June 17, 2008
May 1995 - The PasswordFrom Randall B. Wilhite of Houston (Looper, Reed, etc.), this excerpt is from his direct examination of his client, the wife who "was requesting an unequal division of community property based on her husband being physically abusive toward her during the marriage...

May 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?

Posted on June 16, 2008
May 1989 - Did I Really Hear That? This is from a post-trial hearing before me; the attorney was placed under oath so he could "make a record" in connection with a motion to dismiss on Speedy Trial Act grounds.The Court: Why don't you just do a narrative?Attorney: I will not question myself, your Honor...

October 1992 - A Modest ProposalFrom

Posted on June 13, 2008
October 1992 - A Modest ProposalFrom Faith G. Burk of Dallas (Tobolowsky & Associates), this excerpt from a deposition taken by "her beloved boss," Iral E. Tobolowsky, in a landlord/tenant case - during which Ira discovers "the perfect wife":Q. Do you and your husband have a savings account or money market?A...

October 1995 - The AccidentQ. In

Posted on June 12, 2008
October 1995 - The AccidentQ. In your opinion, how faw apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?Q. Were you alone in the car?A. Yes.Q. Were you driving?

June 1994 - Classic TyposFrom C.

Posted on June 11, 2008
June 1994 - Classic TyposFrom C. Charles Dippel of Houston, a "long ago filed" bill of reviews in which "the plaintiff claimed her cause of action was truly meritricious (instead of meritorious)."From Stephen Gardner of Dallas, a Memorandum Opinion and Order which was "singed on Dec...

June 1993 - Doing Voir DireFrom

Posted on June 10, 2008
June 1993 - Doing Voir DireFrom John Wright of Grand Prairie, this voir dire tale from one of his first trials, in the late 1950s, in which John's client represented the plaintiff in a justice of the peace court in Grand Prairie. John's client told him to "move as quickly as possible because he had a plane to catch" - so John just told the judge that the first six panel members looked fine and he "would take them as jurors...

May 1985 - Were You in the Military

Posted on June 09, 2008
May 1985 - Were You in the Military ServiceQ. Were you in the Army?A. No sir, I didn't go.Q. Why?A. Well, when I was ready to leave they said, 'Well, everything is over,' and I say, 'Okay,' So I didn't go.

May 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?

Posted on June 06, 2008
May 1989 - Did I Really Hear That? This is from a post-trial hearing before me; the attorney was placed under oath so he could "make a record" in connection with a motion to dismiss on Speedy Trial Act grounds.The Court: Why don't you just do a narrative?Attorney: I will not question myself, your Honor...

November 1997 - Witness 1, Lawyer

Posted on June 05, 2008
November 1997 - Witness 1, Lawyer 0From Douglas D. Fletcher of Dallas (Fletcher & Springer), this excerpt from the deposition of an elevator mechanic in a personal injury case.Q. It would take you 30 full minutes, generally, to oil and grease [the elevator]?A...

April 2002 - Did They Really Say

Posted on June 04, 2008
April 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From David A. Lawrance of Fort Worth (Kirkley, Schmidt & Cotten), this excerpt from an asbestos case deposition.Q. What you have in front of you is what has been marked as Exhibit A to your answers to interrogatories, and this is a list of, by my count, close to 300 different jobsites...

January 2006 - The Cross ExaminationU.S.

Posted on June 03, 2008
January 2006 - The Cross ExaminationU.S. District Judge Fred Biery of San Antonio recently tried a robbery case to a jury in which "a related issue was whether a gun found several weeks after the robbery and after a creek bed had drained from recent rains was the gun which had been in the possession of the defendant...

April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis

Posted on June 02, 2008
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...

February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom

Posted on May 30, 2008
February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom Amy K. Rosenberg of Fort Collins, Colo. (Liggett, Smith & Williams), this trial excerpt from a "marriage dissolution proceeding" in which Amy's colleague, Michael Liggett, "was cross-examing the soon-to-be ex-wife" regarding some of her expenditures...

July 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?

Posted on May 29, 2008
July 1987 - Did I Really Hear That? Q. What's his first name?A. I can't remember.Q. He's been your brother-in-law for 45 years and you can't remember his first name?A. No, I tell you. I'm too excited! [Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Borofkin] Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name.

April 1996 - Did They Really Ask

Posted on May 28, 2008
April 1996 - Did They Really Ask That?From Beverly Hays of Dallas (Beverly is a paralegal with Patterson, Lamberty, etc. who "hopes this one makes the cut"), this excerpt from a personal injury deposition.Q. Why were you in Dallas that day?A. To see "Catherine the Great...

October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared

Posted on May 27, 2008
October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared that UpTheodore A. Hargrove, III of San Angelo sends this story about the Very First Divorce Client of Judge Royal Hart (51st Judicial District, Tom Green County):His client, the wife "lived on a ranch and apparently got none of the benefits of grocery shopping...

December 2002 - Did They Really

Posted on May 23, 2008
December 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From John T. Flynn of Atlanta, Ga. (Smith, Currie & Hancock), this exchange between his client "and opposing counsel in a dispute where [his] client, as the developer of a series of multi-family residential units, had not responded to a letter from the defendants requesting payment for certain money they believed due...

April 2001 - Did They Really Mean

Posted on May 22, 2008
April 2001 - Did They Really Mean That?From Christopher L. Graff of Austin (Hutchinson & Grundy), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in an automobile accident case.Q. Are you aware of any acts or omissions that Mr. _____ did or failed to do that caused or contributed to this accident?A...

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