Law Humor

May 1994 - Did She Really Say That?From

Posted on August 15, 2008
May 1994 - Did She Really Say That?From Suzanne Saenz of Houston (Suzanne is a legal assistant with Ronald W. Ryan), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a medical malpractice case.Q. Mr. Williams, are you on any medication today?A. Yeah. No...

May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom

Posted on August 14, 2008
May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom W. Bernard Whitney of Fort Worth, this excerpt from the deposition of the defendant-husband in a case involving the mental and physical ability of his wife - who was "the testatrix in 1984 and who subsequently died in May 1992":Q...

December 2001 - Send it to BuchmeyerOrder

Posted on August 14, 2008
December 2001 - Send it to BuchmeyerOrder To Retain On DocketOn this day came on to be heard the motion of William Robinson, Plaintiff in the above-entitled and numbered cause, seeking to retain this cause on this Court?s docket. The Court is of the opinion and finds that this cause should be retained...

September 1993 - Did She Really

Posted on August 14, 2008
September 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Todd H. Tinker of Dallas (Nye & Associates) - who is "pleased as punch" to have been able to come up with an entry for "et cetera" at such a tender age - this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in a personal injury case:Q...

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October 1991 - Did I Really Ask

Posted on August 13, 2008
October 1991 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge Joseph H. Hart of Austin (126th District), this passage from an early 1991 hearing.Q. What happened to this man she was taking care of [at the home care facility]?A. He's deceased now.Q. Was he taken out of the home when he had to go to the hospital - he had to be admitted to the hospital?A...

December 2001 - The Whole EnchiladaFrom

Posted on August 12, 2008
December 2001 - The Whole EnchiladaFrom District Judge Bob McCoy of Fort Worth (48th Judicial District of Texas), this exchange which recently took place in his court:Presiding juror to bailiff: Do we answer the questions and then deliberate, or deliberate and then answer the questions?

February 2000 - The Medical ChartsFrom

Posted on August 11, 2008
February 2000 - The Medical ChartsFrom Joseph V. Crawford of Austin (Wright & Greenhill), this entry in a patient's medical report by a chiropractor in Lake Charles, La:SUBJECTIVE COMPLAINTSPatient complained of headaches, neck pain, left forearm and thumb, right lower leg, left ankle, ringing in both ears and both hips.

Feburary 2002 - Those Jurors Assistant

Posted on August 08, 2008
Feburary 2002 - Those Jurors Assistant District Attorney to a prospective female juror: "Could you return a verdict of guilty on the testimony of only one eye witness?"Prospective Juror (with all seriousness): "No, I could not give a guilty verdict, the witness would have to have two eyes...

February 2001 - Did They Really

Posted on August 07, 2008
February 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From David L. Zedler of Sherman, this contribution that occurred during testimony in a recent jury trial.A. The last time I saw [the child who was the subject of the suit], she was eating a bowl of goldfish.Mr...

July 2000 - Did They Really Say

Posted on August 06, 2008
July 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Rocky Dhir of Dallas (Rocky is one of my law clerks this year), this excerpt he discovered in a deposition in one of our recent civil trials.Q. How was the roof [of the apartment] inspected, then: from the balconies and from the parking lot, I think you said?A...

May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From

Posted on August 05, 2008
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Albon O. Head, Jr. of Fort Worth (Jackson & Walker), this deposition excerpt from a toxic tort case - with the "confession" that he would enjoy embarrassing one of their "young (and very bright, I might add) associates" who took this deposition...

May 1995 - Classic TyposFrom Robin

Posted on August 04, 2008
May 1995 - Classic TyposFrom Robin Kennedy of Dallas (Caron, Greenberg & Fitzgerald), a response to a request for production of documents in a Dallas case: "Subject to and without waiving all applicable objections, defendant will produce the materials for the plaintiff's inspection at a mutually inconvenient time and place...

January 1990 - Did I Really Say

Posted on August 01, 2008
January 1990 - Did I Really Say That? Judge Robert Lee Eschenburg, II of Floresville (218th District Court) notes that "you rarely write about a judge's goof" ? and contributes one of his own:I have just finished a criminal trial. During the final argument by one of the attorneys, the other attorney raised an objection...

December 2001 - Did They Really

Posted on July 31, 2008
December 2001 - Did They Really Say That? From Judge Ralph H. Walton, Jr., of Granbury, 355th Judicial District), this excerpt ?from the direct examination by the prosecutor in a recent driving-while-intoxicated case in [his] court in which the elderly, hard-of-hearing ?Uncle Billy? was called to testify...

June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph

Posted on July 30, 2008
June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph Jacobson, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 49, No. 4 ? April 1986.Q. Isn?t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?A. Yes, it is, but you can?t prove it!

July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's

Posted on July 29, 2008
July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's ColumnFrom Loren G. Klitsas of Houston (Celedonia, Smith & Klitsas), this excerpt from the long cross-examination of an investigating police officer "recording his opinions as to the cause of the traffic accident."Q...

September 1993 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on July 28, 2008
September 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From Donald K. Buckman of Fort Worth (Cantey & Hanger), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in an age discrimination suit:Q. Was it permissable for you and your employees to use the 1065 photocopier if the others were busy?A...

February 1995 - Did They Really

Posted on July 25, 2008
February 1995 - Did They Really Ask That?From Doug Gwyther of Corpus Christi (Doug is a legal assistant with Perry & Haas), these "unartful questions" asked by one of the "young and extremely talented partners" at Perry & Haas.Q. Do y'all have any corners that you can't see around?A...

September 1993 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on July 24, 2008
September 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From Donald K. Buckman of Fort Worth (Cantey & Hanger), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in an age discrimination suit:Q. Was it permissable for you and your employees to use the 1065 photocopier if the others were busy?A...

July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's

Posted on July 23, 2008
July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's ColumnFrom Loren G. Klitsas of Houston (Celedonia, Smith & Klitsas), this excerpt from the long cross-examination of an investigating police officer "recording his opinions as to the cause of the traffic accident."Q...

February 1993 - Oh, Shucks! Oh,

Posted on July 18, 2008
February 1993 - Oh, Shucks! Oh, Lord!From Cheryl D. Olesen of Beaumont (Wells, Peyton, etc.), this excerpt from the deposition of the owner of a construction company ? with the explanation that "the questioning attorney was apparently attempting to establish that part of the delay [in completion of the job] was occasioned by company employees performing side jobs for adjoining landowners...

October 2002 - The Record Will

Posted on July 17, 2008
October 2002 - The Record Will So ReflectFrom Judith K. Shipway of Austin, Judith is an Assistant District Attorney for Travis County. This excerpt is from direct examination conducted by Chris Dagan, also a Travis County Assistant District Attorney. Judith suggests this is how "a careful prosecutor makes sure the record clearly reflects the meaning of the words used by a witness in his or her testimony...

July 1989 - Did He Really Ask That?Q.

Posted on July 16, 2008
July 1989 - Did He Really Ask That?Q. Did your father have any other children?A. I didn't know about them. I weren't born yet.Q. If you don't know, just say, "I don't know." Now, Mr. J., you don't know much about your family, do you?A. I don't know.

May 1985 - What About Your Job?

Posted on July 15, 2008
May 1985 - What About Your Job? Q. What do you do for a living?A. I help my brother.Q. What does your brother do?A. Nothing.***Q. You said you went to Galveston in 1920, yet the first job you told me about was in 1946. What did you do between 1920 and 1946?A...

December 1987 - Did They Really

Posted on July 14, 2008
December 1987 - Did They Really Say That?Judge Buddie J. Hahn of Orange (260th District Court) sends this excerpt from "a murder trial that recently took place in my court."During Voir Dire:D.A.: Has anyone served on a criminal jury before?(One juror raised his hand)D...

May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared

Posted on July 11, 2008
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...

Sept 1987 - Do You Mean Literally,

Posted on July 10, 2008
Sept 1987 - Do You Mean Literally, Or What?John Wright of Grand Prairie (Wright & Associates) submitted the standard "identify everybody and everything" interrogatories in a case in which is client had been sued in JP Court. Fortunately for all of us, these were the handwritten answers to questions 3 and 11 by the plaintiff, Tammy Sue Porter...

December 2002 - Did They Really

Posted on July 09, 2008
December 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From Thomas B. Alleman of Dallas (the Winstead firm), this letter "suggesting the most singular method for resolving a dispute that [Tom] has seen in 25 years of practicing law."Dear Mary:Enclosed please find a check in the amount of $2,500...

January 1989 - What Was That Again?

Posted on July 08, 2008
January 1989 - What Was That Again? From Judge David G. Lewis of Dumas (Moore County Court of Law), this excerpt from a recent divorce custody trial in Moore County. Q. And what did you do that night? A. We made and sent out some fliers. [Being the West Texas pronunciation of "flowers"] Q...

October 1993 - Be Careful With

Posted on July 07, 2008
October 1993 - Be Careful With ExpertsFrom Judge Frank Andrews of Dallas (116th District Court), this excerpt from the testimony of the obstetrician/gynecologist in a malpractice-death case.Q. All right. Let's go back to 4:15 [on the patient's chart]...

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