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Law Humor

Legal Juice

Focuses on the lighter side of the law by highlighting all things humorous about the legal profession, ranging from odd cases and strange court filings to weird laws.
By John Mesirow

Post Frequency: 5.9/day

Last Entry: May 25, 2010 at 02:01:20

Judge Hit With F-Bombs, S-Bombs, BS-Bombs ...

Posted on March 18, 2008
Mr. Smith (that's his name, really) was sentenced to 21 years for six drug offenses. He requested a new trial, fired his lawyer, and represented himself at the hearing on his request for a new trial. Mr. Smith's "first use of profanity occurred when he used the word 'fuck,' apparently for emphasis [Well I never!], in recalling an earlier conversation with his trial counsel who allegedly invited [Smith] to [appeal] based on ineffective assistance of counsel at trial...

DNA Samples from 5-Year-Olds?

Posted on March 17, 2008
For those of you in the United States who are worried about the steady erosion of privacy rights (count me in), transplant yourself to the United Kingdom for a moment. As reported in The Guardian, here's a suggestion from Britain's most senior police forensics expert: Primary school children should be eligible for the DNA database if they exhibit behaviour indicating they may become criminals in later life...

Book Hierarchy In Jail?

Posted on March 16, 2008
In Kansas (and probably lots of other states), absolutely. By law, the Bible reins supreme, and stands alone. Here's the text of Kansas statute 19-1906: Bibles for prisoners; ministers to have access to jail. The sheriff of each county shall provide at the expense of the county for each prisoner under his charge, who may be able and desirous to read a copy of the Bible or New Testament, to be used by such prisoner at proper seasons during his confinement; and any minister of the gospel desiring to aid in reforming the prisoners and instructing them in their moral and religious duties, shall have access to them at seasonable and proper times...

Just Another Day Working The Drive-Thru

Posted on March 15, 2008
Okay, it wasn't just another day for one Dunkin' Donuts worker. On that day last month, John Greco, age 46, of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, decided to pick up some coffee at the drive-thru, without any pants on! So when he picked up his order, his toolkit was there for all to see...

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Right To Dry?

Posted on March 14, 2008
Yes, "right to dry," not "right to die," though some people may jump off their condo balconies if, heaven forfend, Project Laundry List, and some New England legislators get their wish. What do they want? Per The Boston Globe: If successful, the measures in Vermont and Connecticut would be the first in New England, and among the first in the country, to protect the age-old custom of air-drying laundry...

The Most Bizarre Toilet Story EVER

Posted on March 13, 2008
And that headline is not hyberbole. As reported by the AP: Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years. TWO YEARS! What would you think happens to your body under those circumstances? The sheriff said the woman's muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by "natural means...

What Does It Take To Ban A Doctor In New Zealand?

Posted on March 12, 2008
A helluva lot. As reported in The Brisbane Times: Court documents reveal the GP [general practitioner], known only as DAP, began having sex with patients as early as 1987. He was twice suspended from practicing in 1996 and 2001. He ... faced disciplinary action after admitting to maintaining sexual relationships with at least eight female patients, including the daughter of an elderly woman...

Redefining Hard-Up Young Men

Posted on March 11, 2008
I'm having a hard time thinking of anything that compares to what brothers Nicholas and Alexander Grunke were planning on doing. They saw a young lady's picture with her obituary (I think you have an idea where this is going), and thought she was attractive...

You Can Ignore That Speeding Ticket If ...

Posted on March 10, 2008
... you happen to be a Montgomery County (Maryland) police officer. I know what you're thinking - they're chasing criminals, so it's okay. That's true, but only for 76 of the 224 tickets the officers received from speed cameras over the last 8 months of 2007...

You Have NEVER Been This Drunk

Posted on March 09, 2008
Nor would you want to be, because many folks have died with lower blood-alcohol levels. Would it surprise you if a fraternity was involved? Or pledges? Five hours of drinking? Me either. Pledges to Beta Theta Pi at Lehigh University in Pennsylvania kicked off the pledging season with a bang...

Asking A Cop If He Wants A Doughnut? Doh! Bad Move.

Posted on March 08, 2008
But not for the reasons you might suspect. Up in Douglas County, Oregon, 2 fellers dressed like cowboys offered some doughnuts to a couple deputies. Now they didn't take offense, mind you, just notice of how these dudes were dressed. So when they responded to a burglary, in which doughnuts were among the stolen items, and there were cowboys boot prints at the crime scene ...

Did The "My Breasts Are Too Big" Defense Work?

Posted on March 07, 2008
For real - this defense was really used in court. The charge against Japanese pin-up Serena Kozakura was kicking a hole in a door, and then crawling through it to enter an apartment. She was convicted. On appeal, Serena's lawyer argued that, with a 44-inch chest, she could not possibly have fit through the hole in the door! The Judge agreed, and tossed the case...

Yes, There Is Such A Thing As "Bad Publicity"

Posted on March 06, 2008
Just ask Vern Potter. Seems old Vern was wanted for insurance fraud relating to a personal injury claim from an automobile accident. Obviously he didn't get enough to retire on, because he took a job with a roofing company. Just recently, he was up on the roof of an elementary school, shoveling snow off, when a photographer from the New Hampshire Union Leader took his picture...

Case Took How Long To Wend Its Way Through The System?

Posted on March 05, 2008
It may have seemed like infinity, but no, only twenty-five years! And it may not be over yet! As reported on Canada.com: In 1983, the Public Service Alliance of Canada (PSAC), which represented clerical workers at Canada Post, filed a human rights complaint against the corporation, saying it paid lower wages to the mostly female workers of its clerical section, than to the mostly male workers in its operations section...

Incredible "American Idol" Story

Posted on March 04, 2008
So Sheila Brooks of Indianapolis put her one and three-year-old children in a tub with 9 inches of water and left the room to get some clothes. Per The Indianapolis Star: "Daesheana [Brooks' seven-year-old daughter] stated that they were in her mother's bedroom watching American Idol on TV for several minutes and her mother suddenly stated that she forgot and left the two youngest children in the tub," Officer Gustavia Dodson wrote in the report...

Um. Someone Stole My Jacket?

Posted on March 03, 2008
This will be the only defense available to a man who robbed a convenience store in Des Moines, Iowa and left his jacket behind - WITH HIS W-2 IN THE POCKET! Doh! The man is still at large, though probably not for long, since he only netted $115 in the heist...

Dude Really Did Not Want To Go To Work

Posted on March 02, 2008
How do we know this? Because Daniel Kuch, of Pasco, Washington, had his friend shoot him, and then told the police he was shot while jogging. Could work really be that bad? Apparently Kuch wanted to avoid an upcoming drug test. Both Kuch and his friend were busted...

Cook Put What Kind Of Hair In The Steak?

Posted on March 01, 2008
Pubes! "According to the [police] complaint, a second kitchen worker told police [the cook] put a slit in the steak and pushed something inside, then stated, "These are my pubes," referring to pubic hair." (The cook said they were facial hairs. Huh?) Why would a cook do this? He was pissed that the customer said the first steak was "medium," not "rare" per his order...

Something Else You Shouldn't Do At The Police Station

Posted on February 29, 2008
Show up for questioning about stolen clothes, including a jacket, wearing the stolen jacket! As reported at SheboyganPress.com, Felipe M. Medina, of Sheboygan, was charged Thursday with a misdemeanor count of retail theft. The criminal complaint said Medina took a pair of blue jeans, a black T-shirt and a black jacket from a Kohl?s store on Nov...

Woman Left Man 13 Times - Then He Finally Gave Her The Boot

Posted on February 28, 2008
Over the 14 years Noel "Nutsy" Campbell and Miss Jasmine were involved (I can't say "together" because at one point, she left him for 4 years!), she left him 13 times. He always took her back. So why did he finally decide he'd had enough? He was tired of the beatings Miss Jasmine inflicted on him, among other things...

Of All The Place To Relieve Yourself ...

Posted on February 27, 2008
...I would put "in front of the police station" near the bottom of the list. Of course, the calculus changes, when, like a 40-year-old Appleton, Wisconsin man, you have consumed so much booze that your blood-alcohol level is 4 times the legal limit...

They've Outlawed Dancing?

Posted on February 26, 2008
Have they not seen "Footloose," one of the best Kevin Bacon movies of all time? People, you can't stop dancing, as Kevin Bacon proved beyond any reasonable doubt. So who dares to question the lessons of "Footloose?" The Indian State of Andhra Pradesh, that's who...

Think These Two Were Made For Each Other?

Posted on February 25, 2008
Damn! As reported by the AP: A man fighting with his girlfriend clung to a car roof and punched her through the window as she drove more than a mile on a busy road, hitting several other cars, police said. Both were hurt in the brawl Saturday and were arrested, police Sgt...

They Beat Bloggers There

Posted on February 24, 2008
... and jail them too. Egyptian blogger Karim Amer got four years for criticizing Islam and President Mubarak on his blog. He's now been in jail for a year. Karim Amer, who is serving his prison sentence in Borg Al-Arab Prison, Alexandria, wrote in his letters to one of his legal counsels that he was beaten on 24 October 2007...

Cop Tasered A Cow?

Posted on February 23, 2008
If nothing else, that's gotta bring some seriously bad karma. As reported by the AP, Police [in Rogers, Arkansas] are conducting an internal investigation into an allegation that a lieutenant used his stun gun to shock a cow and shared a videotape of the incident with other department employees...

Where Is The Last Place You Would Drive A Stolen Car?

Posted on February 22, 2008
Charles Chambers went to the Anderson County (South Carolina) Sheriff's Office "to demand the return of nearly $2,000 officers seized from him during a drug arrest last June," per the AP. After they told him to pound sand, ... an officer noticed he got into a car that matched the description of a vehicle stolen about three hours earlier...

Not The Typical "Man Loves Dog" Story

Posted on February 21, 2008
If your dog is looking over your shoulder, be warned that this story may really disturb her. Hell, it really disturbs me. As reported by Kansas station KAKE: Police make an unusual arrest Tuesday evening. A woman in the 3700 block of E. Clark heard someone break into her garage...

Judge Not Impressed By Peace Priest

Posted on February 20, 2008
Reverend John Dear and 8 others "occupied the elevator of Sen. Pete Domenici's Santa Fe office for more than five hours" in 2006, per the The Albuquerque Tribune. They were protesting the Iraq War. They remained in the elevator because they were denied access to the Senator's third-floor office...

Does MySpace Friend Request Violate A Protection Order?

Posted on February 19, 2008
Yup, according to a Staten Island judge. As reported by the AP: The ruling this week lets stand charges that a 16-year-old broke the law when she sent friend requests on the social networking site to a woman and her two daughters. Criminal Court Judge Matthew A...

Smells Like Fake Insanity

Posted on February 18, 2008
Per the St. Petersburg Times: To prove he's incompetent to stand trial on multiple felony charges, Robert Sinclaire Lee hid a razor in his mouth and used it to cut his wrist in court. He smeared feces on his face. And Monday, he entered a courtroom with feces hidden in his jail jacket pocket...

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