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Law Humor

Legal Juice

Focuses on the lighter side of the law by highlighting all things humorous about the legal profession, ranging from odd cases and strange court filings to weird laws.
By John Mesirow

Post Frequency: 5.9/day

Last Entry: May 25, 2010 at 02:01:20

So You're Just Sitting In The Courtroom ...

Posted on May 07, 2009
You're Benjamin J. Marchant, and you're just sitting in a courtroom in Dickson County, Tennessee. You haven't done anything, other than give a ride to a friend who does have some business before the court. And what did Judge Durwood G. Moore do to Mr...

Community Service In 4-Inch Heels?

Posted on May 06, 2009
So this woman (no, that's not her, but I could you resist using that picture?) crashed her car and refused a breathalyzer test. For her crime, she was sentenced to 80 hours of community service. Apparently nobody anticipated that she would show up for the community service in 4-inch heels...

Another Jury Duty Slacker, And His Dog's Testicles ...

Posted on May 05, 2009
Regular readers know that the Juice is not fond of folks who try to weasel out of jury duty. But this is one of the more idiotic methods I've seen employed (but did it work?). As reported by the Bozeman Daily Chronicle: Erik Slye, a Belgrade auto painter in his mid-30s, was summoned to appear for jury duty on Jan...

Judge DROPS The F-bomb - Constructively, Of Course

Posted on May 04, 2009
Oh no you didn't just drop the f-bomb in court, Lord Justice Nicholas Wall. He did, to make a point. As reported by the Sun: Lord Justice Nicholas Wall used the words of English poet Philip Larkin to stress the devastating impact on children when couples keep warring after they split up...

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Yes, I Know Spitting Is Gross, But ...

Posted on May 03, 2009
Should spitting really be criminalized? "Yes," said the powers that be in Cincinnati. Here's a law that was passed in 2006 as part of the "Neighborhood Quality of Life Unified Code" Sec. 1601-27. Spitting in a Public Place. No person shall spit upon any sidewalk, street, highway, alley, the floor of any bus used for public transportation, theater, railway or public transportation depot or platform or the floor of any school house, church or public building of any kind...

How's The Tumidity There?

Posted on May 02, 2009
Tumid? Seriously, does anyone know what "tumid" means? Some legislators did, because they put it in Section 3303.14 of the Columbus (Ohio) Code: "Nude" or "state of nudity" means a state of dress or undress that exposes to view: ... 2. Human male genitals in a discernibly tumid state, even with a complete and opaque covering, or3...

You Call That A Burglary?

Posted on May 01, 2009
I guess technically it's a burglary, since the home was broken into, and something was stolen. But really, jellybeans? And nothing else? As reported by the Erie Times News: Police said the burglar broke the window in the front door of a home in the 12000 block of East Lake Road in North East Township sometime between 7 and 11:59 p...

Not The Most Romantic Place For Intimicay

Posted on April 30, 2009
Sure, everyone has either heard about, or engaged in, a love tumble in a strange place or two. But, as Maxwell Smart often said to the Chief, "would you believe" a couple in British Columbia was caught having sex IN A GARBAGE TRUCK!? As reported in the Courier Mail, there were " ...

I'll Have A Double Skim Latte, Hold The Lead

Posted on April 29, 2009
I don't even know if that's a real drink. But I do know that I don't expect the dude working at Starbucks to be packing heat. Such was the case at a Washington, DC Starbucks (at 16th and U Streets, NW), as reported by myfoxdc.com. How do we know he was packing? Because he shot himself in the leg! "...

With A Picnic Table?

Posted on April 28, 2009
This one is just really, really, really strange. Per wtol.com: Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says [Mr.] Price ... was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. Holy shiznit! So what charge is Mr...

You Might Think Twice Before Pissing This Kid Off

Posted on April 27, 2009
A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor's porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey: The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil...

No! Not Another Crime Committed With ... An Octopus!

Posted on April 26, 2009
Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press: The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs...

How Do You Revoke Your Own Bond?

Posted on April 25, 2009
New Yorker John McDonald was charged with second-degree assault for attacking a cab driver in Aspen, Colorado. Why? Apparently he was pissed because the cabbie wouldn't take him somewhere to buy cigarettes. So, said the cabbie, McDonald popped him in the face, breaking at least one bone...

No, I Won't Drink To That

Posted on April 24, 2009
Ohio resident Alan David Patton went to great lengths to collect urine ... so he could drink it. So a father and his son were trying to use a restroom at Sports Ohio. Per the Columbus Local News: The father told police there were trash bags covering the toilets and paper cups in the urinals, as well as typed signs in the restroom directing people to use the urinals with the cups in them...

Officer, You Tasered A Cow?

Posted on April 23, 2009
If nothing else, that's gotta bring some seriously bad karma. As reported by the AP, Police [in Rogers, Arkansas] are conducting an internal investigation into an allegation that a lieutenant used his stun gun to shock a cow and shared a videotape of the incident with other department employees...

Busted For Starting A Pillow Fight

Posted on April 22, 2009
Hey man, I just find the news. I don't make this stuff up. I'm not sure I could. Darin Cassler of Burlington, Vermont was arrested for starting a pillow fight, albeit a large one. As reported by The Burlington Free Press: The pillow pugilism broke out Friday afternoon on Church Street and involved perhaps 50 people, according to a video organizers posted on the social-networking site Facebook...

The Only Way To Fly ...

Posted on April 21, 2009
Forget about flying first class. Men may soon be asking for "Martz" class. Why? Pilot Martz was flying a helicopter while receiving oral sex from a porn actress! How do we know this? It's on video! ("The video shows the woman disrobing before engaging Martz in a sex act while the San Diego landscape is passing by the [ahem] cockpit windows," as reported by the San Diego Union-Tribune...

Busted For - Literally - Throwing Money Out The Window

Posted on April 20, 2009
You know the expression "throwing money out the window?" How about "money to burn?" Well, a man in Taiwan DID BOTH, and was arrested and "charged with public endangerment and destruction of currency," as reported by news.com.au. The man tossed the bills [$1 million Taiwan ($30,000 US)] from a taxi in a crowded part of Taichung city on Sunday as people stopped to pick up the cash, Changhua police official Lin Shih-ming said...

A Real Jury Charmer

Posted on April 19, 2009
Defendant Richard Glawson can forget about jury sympathy. After the judge refused the prosecutor's request to have Glawson shackled, he sucker-punched an elderly juror, then had to be pulled off of him. Sure, hindsight is 20/20. In this case, though, foresight should have been easy enough...

The City That Banned Karaoke ...

Posted on April 18, 2009
Seriously, you banned karaoke, Lilburn, Georgia? And it lasted 2 years? I'm guessing those lawmakers must have hated "Footloose." All that dancing and music ... As reported in The Atlanta Journal Constitution: Sing your hearts out, Lilburn. Now, it?s allowed...

Two-Year-Old Steals Video Games?

Posted on April 17, 2009
Yes, a 2-year-old girl left a Hollywood Video store in New York with more than $1,000 of video games in her stroller! Sure, some might argue I should also mention that, per the Albany Times Union, Police said [the girl's stepfather] Miguel Angel Rodriguez, 20, hid ...

Cat Makes Itself At Home In Neighbor's Yard, And The Neighbor Get's A Ticket?

Posted on April 16, 2009
For real. Apparently it wasn't the first time Michael Rainey's cat mistook neighbor Joseph Loflin's yard for a litter box. As reported by Click2Houston.com: "'Your cat has been back there defecating in my back yard,'" [former police officer] Loflin said he told his neighbor...

You Named Your Horse "Nutzapper?"

Posted on April 15, 2009
If you want your horse to race in North America, the name must be approved by the Jockey Club. Andy Hillis wanted to name his horse "Nutzapper" after hearing it used in a joke on the Tonight Show. So Hillis told the Jockey Club (as reported in Slate) that he wanted the name because (prepare to dab away the tears) "as a young boy in Canada, he loved to zap walnuts in boiling oil and sprinkle them on salads...

Am I The Only One Who Missed This Story?

Posted on April 14, 2009
So Kevin Costner was getting a massage at a hotel in Scotland. According to the masseuse, who later filed a claim of unfair dismissal and sexual discrimination, here's a highlight: Throughout the massage he kept putting his hand underneath his towel but never kept it there long enough for me to suspect anything...

Son - Fat, Drunk and Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life

Posted on April 13, 2009
(For the uninitiated, that's from Animal House.) I have no idea if Christopher Kelly is fat or stupid. I do know that on a recent night, he was incredibly drunk. Here are some highlights of his bender, as reported in This Is Lancashire: When the story of Christopher Kelly's escapes were told to magistrates, a probation service officer had to leave the court in fits of laughter...

Quite The Mature Streaker

Posted on April 12, 2009
Call Guinness Book. At least I've not read about an older streaker. As reported in the Irish Independent: Police in Duisburg, Germany are becoming rather irked with a serial streaker. They hauled him into court after he streaked during a girls' football match...

A Doctor Without Boundaries ...

Posted on April 11, 2009
As reported by The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, here is the story of Dr. John Geoffrey Limbert of Victoria, British Columbia: This family physician cared for a female patient for five years during which time she had two pregnancies. Subsequently, he established himself as a full-time sex therapist [I think you can guess where this is going] and she sought his professional advice...

Lookout. Here Comes The Judge.

Posted on April 10, 2009
Defendant Bruce Young (who was awaiting trial on federal drug charges) was pissed - twice! (blank-sucking little blank?). But he was not in court on the drug charges when the outbursts occurred. He was there on charges of attempted escape and conspiracy to commit escape...

Not Your Average Police Dog

Posted on April 09, 2009
I think this dog skipped a lot of classes at the Police K-9 Academy...

A Really Strange Tradition

Posted on April 08, 2009
Remember the neighborhood kid who used to stick a firecracker in a tadpole's mouth and light it? Or the kid who smeared lightning bugs on each fingernail and proudly held up his hands? No? (And no, it wasn't me! He lived in my neighborhood, and his name is ...

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