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Law Humor

Legal Juice

Focuses on the lighter side of the law by highlighting all things humorous about the legal profession, ranging from odd cases and strange court filings to weird laws.
By John Mesirow

Post Frequency: 5.9/day

Last Entry: May 25, 2010 at 02:01:20

Would You Sue Your Mom?

Posted on June 06, 2009
If you blamed your mom for severing your pinky, would you sue her? A contractor in New Jersey did. As reported at NorthJersey.com: In 2006, John P. Garrity was installing hardwood floors for his mother, Nancy, when the accident occurred, according to court papers...

Can You Have Your Pot And Eat It Too?

Posted on June 05, 2009
Sort of. A 17-year-old Washington student stood before his class and presented his essay on why marijuana should be legalized. And? Oh no you didn't... Per The News Tribune: At the end of his speech ... [he] pulled out a joint, lit it and smoked away...

A Helping Hand For Possible Jumper On Bridge?

Posted on June 04, 2009
I guess it depends on what you mean by "helping." If you mean helping the possible jumper - who had been standing on the bridge for hours - make up his mind, then yes, Lai Jiansheng provided a helping hand to Chen Fuchao. Lai approached Chen and shook his hand, then pushed him off the bridge! Luckily for Chen, as reported by The China Post, [he] fell 26 feet (8 meters) onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion laid out by authorities and survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries, the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday...

Dad Picks Wrong Woman To Be His Son's "First"

Posted on June 03, 2009
It should go without saying that every kid ought to hear "the talk" from his parents. But a 42-year-old British dad apparently wanted to go the extra mile for his 14-year-old son - by hooking him up (sorry) with a prostitute! Alas, the woman dad approached was ...

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Drunk People Make Bad Decisions

Posted on June 02, 2009
Here's a very good example, per WTHR.com: It was a day that kept getting worse for a Terre Haute man who put his car in a ditch and then tried to get it out with a "borrowed" tractor. When officers arrived, they discovered a large farm tractor and car in a ditch, apparently after falling from the bridge...

Maybe Things Aren't Going Well With Your Employer, But ...

Posted on June 01, 2009
Warning: Do not read this right before, or after, eating, because it's really, really gross. Okay, here it goes, per The Standard, "China's Business Newspaper" A domestic helper has appeared in court accused of trying to injure her employer by mixing her menstrual blood in a pot of vegetables she was cooking...

Think This Poor Kid Has ANY Sober Relatives?

Posted on May 31, 2009
A 1-year-old boy was waiting for a relative to pick him up at the police station in Schererville, Indiana because his mom was busted for drunk driving. So his dad drove to the station to get him, only he was drunk too, and was also busted for drunk driving...

If You're Growing Weed, Think Twice About Having Burglar Alarm ...

Posted on May 30, 2009
Dr. Alfredo Gonzalez, of Cape Cod, Massachusetts, learned this the hard way. While the doc was out, his burglar alarm went off. The police responded and, while searching for a burglar, instead found a $4,000 "BloomBox," and seven marijuana plants. Doh! And guess where doctor Gonzales works? He directs a drug treatment facility! Word is, per court documents, that Dr...

A Robber's Brilliant Disguise

Posted on May 29, 2009
It's 4:30 a.m. in Lincoln, Nebraska, and this guy needed some cigarettes. He was probably drunk (from drinking Bud Light.) Why would I guess that he was drinking Bud Light? Well sir, as reported by the Lincoln Journal Star: A man who robbed a north Lincoln Kwik Shop on Monday morning brought a disguise ? he was wearing a Bud Light box on his head...

Not Exactly A Stand-Up Audi Dealer

Posted on May 28, 2009
You take your car in to be repaired. Clearly you're not going to leave anything valuable inside of it. But what about leaving the tires and wheels on it? I am not joking. Apparently, you need to take them with you. As reported in The Charlotte Observer: Mickey Coffino dropped off her Audi at the dealer on a Friday afternoon to get her trunk and window fixed...

What's Wrong With Strip Poker?

Posted on May 27, 2009
Okay, how do you feel about strip "throw rocks at cars on the highway from an overpass" poker? Yes, that's what two dipshits in Washington have been charged with. As reported by KOMO News: State troopers have arrested two people suspected of damaging at least 14 vehicles by throwing baseball-sized rocks onto them from a railroad trestle over Interstate 5 as a part of a stripping game...

Uh, How Did You Get To Court Today?

Posted on May 26, 2009
I'll give you a hint. Tony Van, of San Francisco, California, went to court to find out what the jury decided in his auto theft case. Here's another hint, he didn't take the streetcar to court. His transportation to court: a stolen Lexus SUV! Here's how the police discovered this, per the Marin Independent Journal: While Van was in the courthouse awaiting the verdict, two Civic Center employees on a break noticed some loose Yorkies around a Lexus in the parking lot...

Teacher, Teacher - This Is No Way To Supplement Your Income

Posted on May 25, 2009
Oregon elementary school teacher Elizabeth Lucinda Logan picked the wrong way to supplement her income. She stole a student's coat and sold it on eBay! As reported in the Hillsboro Argus, Judge Marco Hernandez called her behavior "bizarre." He said it didn't make sense that someone of her intelligence would testify she immediately tried to get the coat back from the online auction site when she found out the coat might belong to a third-grade girl...

Love Bites?

Posted on May 24, 2009
Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that's probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his ... What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel: According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night...

Yo. What The Hell Are You Doing On My Sofa?

Posted on May 23, 2009
This is eerily similar to a recent Juice post, though with a much less compelling rationale, and no bags of poop. How would you like to return to your home on a Sunday morning and find some dude passed out on your couch? In his underwear? Having raided your refrigerator? A couple in Pierson, Florida was not too pleased...

I Know It's The Most Populous Country In The World, But ...

Posted on May 22, 2009
Sure, there are more than 1,338,000,000 people in China, but we're still talking about a boatload of corruption. As reported by crienglish.com: Chinese disciplinary organs have punished 881,000 officials for misconduct from July 2003 to December 2008, the Communist Party of China (CPC) Central Commission for Discipline Inspection (CCDI) said on Wednesday...

Good Dog, Bad Dog

Posted on May 21, 2009
The police dog did a good job subduing the suspect, biting him on the arms and legs. But then he forgot who he was working for. Per The Daily Telegraph: Police and the dog squad were called to a home on The Causeway just before 2.30am after receiving reports of a man hiding in a garage...

Wow. That's A Cool $20 Coin!

Posted on May 20, 2009
Check out the new $20 coin! What do you mean there is no new $20 coin? But that guy said ... Per The Patriot News: State police are looking for a man who passed a fake $20 coin at an ice cream parlor in Williams Township, Dauphin County. Police said the man, described as white, short and stocky, with black curly hair, used the coin Friday evening to purchase ice cream at Willow Tree Ice Cream...

Serious Beatdown Over An OLD Affair

Posted on May 19, 2009
So this 78-year-old woman thinks her 84-year-old husband had an affair 35 years ago. What did she do? As reported by The Daily Herald: The woman allegedly told police she pushed her husband down and hit him with a bowl and a metal pipe. Investigators recovered the woman's diary in which she allegedly wrote, "I beat him again...

Isn't Tenure Awesome?

Posted on May 18, 2009
The headline from the story by WXYZ in Detroit sums it up nicely: "Teacher By Day, Inmate By Night." For 30 days anyway, when Mr. Donald Colpaert is not teaching social studies to middle schoolers in Macomb County, he's in jail. Here's an exchange between WXYZ reporter Heather Catallo and Mr...

A Hurt Much Worse Than Being Dumped

Posted on May 17, 2009
It can't feel good to be dumped. (Like The Juice would know?) But surely it must be better than having your penis nearly bitten off? The question could be posed to a 56-year-old Belgian man who has some serious teeth marks on his ... Per The West Australian: A Thai woman bit her Belgian boyfriend?s penis out of jealousy during sex, but doctors managed to save the nearly-severed organ, police and reports said today...

Do NOT Mess With Old Faithful

Posted on May 16, 2009
There might be a webcam on you ... right now. There's definitely one on Old Faithful at Yellowstone National Park, as 6 trespassers found out. Some folks watching it online saw them leave the boardwalk, and saw 2 of them urinate on Old Faithful! They called park rangers, and the suspects were rounded up, as reported by redgreenandblue...

Doctor Powered His Car With What?

Posted on May 15, 2009
I immediately thought of "Fight Club" when I read this story. As reported by Forbes.com: For a time, Beverly Hills doctor Craig Alan Bittner turned the fat he removed from patients into biodiesel that fueled his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator...

Sure, Officers, Come Right In

Posted on May 14, 2009
For the sake of argument, let's say you have, oh, roughly 296 marijuana plants growing in your basement. The police come to your door, asking if they can search your house. You say ... yes? You do if you are Nathan King, Jr. of Kanawha County, West Virginia...

It Definitely Pays To Thoroughly Clean Your Room ...

Posted on May 13, 2009
This is a lesson that a Unity College (Maine) student learned the hard way. After school is over, and your cleaning out your room, MAKE SURE TO TAKE YOUR MARIJUANA PLANTS WITH YOU! Per the Portland Press Herald: Unity College held its graduation ceremonies Saturday...

Life For Stealing A TV And A Laptop?

Posted on May 12, 2009
Okay, so it would be his 8th strike. But really, do you want to send a 31-year-old man away for life for stealing a laptop and a tv? As reported by kfor.com: Brew is always on the move at Pope Distributing in Enid, but beer wasn't what was on tap for a couple of criminals who recently paid Pope's an unwelcome visit and stole a television and laptop computer...

Sex Doctor Back At It

Posted on May 11, 2009
They must really need dermatologists in Edmonton. Either that or perhaps they make it a practice to coddle offending doctors. Dr. Paul Lubitz had sex with not one, not two, not three, but FOUR of his patients. Really, should this guy be practicing medicine? [No!] He is, after serving an 18-month suspension...

Tell Me You're Not Going To Charge This Guy

Posted on May 10, 2009
Even if this is technically a crime (like you never speed!), what kind of person would report this? Very uncool. The guy wasn't hurting anybody. As reported by The Republican-American: A man from Stonington faces public indecency charges after state police said he was driving nude on Interstate 84 on Wednesday morning...

Bank Robbing 101

Posted on May 09, 2009
One would think it goes without saying that perhaps the first rule of robbing a bank (other than not getting caught at the scene) is to not allow yourself to be identified, be it by a surveillance camera, fingerprints, a wallet ... A wallet? Yes, Albert Vincent Perkins allegedly robbed a bank in Kansas City, and left his wallet behind, with his driver's license in it! Per the AP: The U...

Chuck Norris Is In The Protection Business?

Posted on May 08, 2009
No, it's not the "give us cash to protect yourself from us" kind of protection. Without even being there, Chuck Norris has singlehandedly ended a series of break-ins at a bakery in Split, Croatia. From the Croatian Times: Store bosses have seen off burglars by placing a life-sized photo of Hollywood action star Chuck Norris in the window...

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