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Law Humor

Legal Juice

Focuses on the lighter side of the law by highlighting all things humorous about the legal profession, ranging from odd cases and strange court filings to weird laws.
By John Mesirow

Post Frequency: 5.9/day

Last Entry: May 25, 2010 at 02:01:20

As If Running A Marathon Isn't Hard Enough

Posted on August 05, 2009
So Shelley Gallant was approaching the 12-mile mark of the Chicago Marathon when, out of the blue, a man she didn't know "came out of nowhere" and sucker-punched her in the face! And she crumbled to the ground. She stopped running right? Nope. She sat down, dazed, for about 30 minutes, and then ran another 8 miles before the race was terminated due to the heat...

Streaker Gets Hosed

Posted on August 04, 2009
I'll call him Fuzzy because, well, I don't know his name. Since he's a minor and wasn't charged with a felony, his name has been withheld. Now technically, Fuzzy didn't actually "streak" across the Parkland High School (Pennsylvania) gym [during a basketball game!] because he had a sock on his ...

Three Generations Of Imbeciles Are Enough

Posted on August 03, 2009
So said Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes of the United States Supreme Court in a case that blew me away when I first encountered it in law school. The case is Buck v. Bell, 274 U.S. 200 (1927). Virginia passed a law allowing the state to forcibly sterilize certain "mental defectives" to promote "the health of the patient and the welfare of society...

Talk About Getting A Break ...

Posted on August 02, 2009
I'm not saying Florida Judge Jorge Labarga was wrong. I'm just saying that, if 18-year-old Alexandria Severino believes in a higher being, she should now call him "Labarga." The crimes? Ms. Severino pleaded guilty to 2 counts of trafficking in ecstasy, and one count of trafficking in hydrocodone...

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Sometimes, What Goes Around Comes Around

Posted on August 01, 2009
This is one of those times. Remember the New York judge who jailed 46 people because a cell phone went off in his courtroom? (If you don't, click here. It was outrageous.) Guess what happened to him (Niagra Falls City Court Judge Robert M. Restaino)? He's gone! He was removed from the bench by the State Commission on Judicial Conduct, whose decision was upheld by the State Court of Appeals.

I Would Not Want To Go To This School

Posted on July 31, 2009
Regular readers know the Juice is not a fan of dress codes. Check this out, from Georgia's Thomson-McDuffie Junior High School website: In order to foster a climate conducive to [blah, blah, blah] ... the following guidelines have been developed with input from councils, faculty, administration, and students...

Police Officer Says He'll Tase Man Where?

Posted on July 30, 2009
Up his ass! And other places in the vicinity... Although the Juice does not *** expletives, fox12idaho does. Here's a portion of the transcript of a Boise, Idaho man's arrest: Officer #3: Do you feel this? Complainant: Yes, sir. Officer #3: Do you feel that? That's my - Complainant: okay Officer #3: Taser up your a**...

Is Husband Really Okay With Cheating Wife?

Posted on July 29, 2009
Yes, because then he could blackmail them! Fifty-year-old San Antonio, Texas lawyer Ted Roberts coaxed some serious cashish from an accountant, a lawyer, and two executives who had the pleasure of Mary Roberts' company. Old Ted threatened to tell their wives and employers if they didn't pony up...

Songbird-Fighting Ring?

Posted on July 28, 2009
Just when you thought you'd heard it all - an illegal songbird fighting operation! As reported by Fox61 in Connecticut: Multiple state law enforcement agencies busted up a bird fighting ring in the town of Shelton Sunday morning. However the birds involved are known more for their voice than violence...

Not Only Was This Custodian Not Cleaning ...

Posted on July 27, 2009
Custodian Stephen L. Thompson must really dislike a certain Clark County court reporter. We know this because he urinated on her chair. How do we know this? Per the courier-journal.com: A probable-cause affidavit filed in Clark Superior Court said an employee with the county circuit court discovered a ?wet substance? on her chair upon arriving at work July 15...

White People, Please Leave The Courtroom

Posted on July 26, 2009
I kid you not. As reported in The Kansas City Star: [Fulton Superior Court Judge Marvin] Arrington asked all white people to leave before he lowered the boom on the defendants, telling them that bad behavior in poor black neighborhoods drags down black advancement...

An Interesting Way To Stock Your Resale Store?

Posted on July 25, 2009
Let's say you have a resale store, and you want some "new" merchandise at a good price. What to do? Steal it! That's what Celia Arocho of Berwyn, Illinois has been charged with, per The Chicago Tribune. Arocho, 52, stands charged with several crimes following her arrest last Saturday in Riverside...

Sentenced To Caning For Drinking A Beer?

Posted on July 24, 2009
Not you, knucklehead. You can pick up your beer and keep drinking, unless you're in Malaysia. Such was the case for 32-year-old part-time model Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a mother of two who was busted for throwing a beer down at a night club, and sentenced to six strokes of the cane (and fined)...

Good New / Bad News

Posted on July 23, 2009
The good news: Ontario resident Barry Shell won the lottery, hauling in $4,377,298. The bad news? Per The Toronto Star: ... after a smiling Shell, 45, had posed for an OLG [Ontario Lottery and Gaming] photo holding his cheque for $4,377,298, he was arrested outside the building on outstanding criminal charges and taken into police custody...

Nuns Break The Sound Barrier?

Posted on July 22, 2009
Okay, so that's a slight exaggeration, since the sound barrier on land is about 761 mph (it varies with the atmospheric conditions). But perhaps I am in a state of shock after reading that a nun in Italy was busted for going 110 mph! Really, and with 2 other nuns in the car...

Using Your iPhone Phone To Find Pot?

Posted on July 21, 2009
Before the potheads among you get too excited, or the wingnuts blow a gasket, this new iPhone application won't direct you to your neighborhood dealer. Here's what it will do, as reported by The Sun: Simply named Cannabis, the �1.79 [$2.99 US] app lets users search by city for their nearest medical cannabis suppliers, doctors, clinics, lawyers and other relevant organisations...

Boy Hits Mom On The Head With What?

Posted on July 20, 2009
With a saw. Really. And then he offered her $5 not to call the police! As reported by The Treasure Coast Palm: The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after James Patrick Fitzgerald and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication...

Those Darn Hospital Visiting Rules ...

Posted on July 19, 2009
Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It's definitely the coolest place I've ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can't bring the patient's horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up...

Can You Stalk Someone From The Attic?

Posted on July 18, 2009
Yes indeed. Washington [state] resident Roy "Billy" Day did not appreciate being dumped. So he camped out (literally) in his ex-girlfriend's attic. (He had a sleeping bag and a fan up there!) He then cut a hole in the ceiling, jumped down and assaulted his ex and her daughter...

Court Doesn't Like Friday?

Posted on July 17, 2009
Is it just me, or does "Friday" evoke positive thoughts for you too? For most folks, it's the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend. Well sir, an Italian court took a different view of "Friday." As reported by the BBC News: Italy's top court has banned a couple from naming their son Venerdi (Friday), saying such a "ridiculous" name could expose the boy to mockery...

You DON'T Want To Roll This Guy's House

Posted on July 16, 2009
Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com: Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up...

A Right To Dry?

Posted on July 15, 2009
Yes, "right to dry," not "right to die," though some people may jump off their condo balconies if, heaven forfend, Project Laundry List, and some New England legislators get their wish. What do they want? Per The Boston Globe: If successful, the measures in Vermont and Connecticut would be the first in New England, and among the first in the country, to protect the age-old custom of air-drying laundry...

Man F-bombed Judge And ...

Posted on July 14, 2009
... walked right out of the courthouse, a free man. This is the same man who is being investigated for e-mailing death threats to [former] President Bush. Michael Dahlquist was in court in New York regarding some threatening letters he sent a woman in 2004...

Crunchy, Crunchy Food

Posted on July 13, 2009
Hey, I like crunchy foods, probably more than most folks. But I absolutely draw the line at glass. Yes, glass. Ms. Lynette Margaret Quessy thought she would get her husband to deal with his drinking problem by lacing his food with glass! As reported by news...

Doctor Takes Picture Of Sedated Patient's What?

Posted on July 12, 2009
His penis! And the tattoo says "Hot Rod." That HAD to hurt! The patient was undergoing surgery, and was sedated when the surgeon took the photo. Seems the doc showed it around (so he's not a brain surgeon - ba-da-bing), and someone made an anonymous call to the press...

Group Banned Because Of Their Name?

Posted on July 11, 2009
Holy Shit! No, actually, the name of the Canadian band is "Holy Fuck." The band, featured on this month's cover of the magazine "Exclaim," was told by the venue Coachella that their gig was canceled because of their name. Funny thing though. Holy Fuck played there before! And remember, Canada has much more relaxed laws and attitudes about "bad words" than the U...

Hmmm. Did Former Judge Say "Naughty" or "Gaudy" ...

Posted on July 10, 2009
Hey, I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, if it's a close call, and there's no history. You make the call on this one. Per the Palm Beach Post: The Judicial Qualifications Commission filed formal charges against [Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge Howard] Berman in December 2000...

Teeth In Your Green Beans?

Posted on July 09, 2009
Not to worry. Those teeth? They are in the mouth of a rat, whose head Texan Dale Cane found in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans! If you're thinking this is a one-time thing, think again. As reported in The Beaumont Enterprise: Utah mother Marianne Watson in October 2007 made the news after reporting that she found a rat head in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, also purchased at a Wal-Mart...

Oh No You Didn't Bust That Lady For Dropping The F-bomb At Wal-Mart

Posted on July 08, 2009
Sure enough. Kathyrn Fridge, a 28-year-old Texas mom, as reported in the Galveston County Daily News, went with her 2-year-old daughter and mother to Wal-Mart on Aug. 4 to buy batteries just in case Edouard left the county without electricity the following day...

Gliding While Intoxicated?

Posted on July 07, 2009
It was a bad idea, and it didn't end well. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review: Witnesses told township police that [Jay Matthew] Tokar [age 46] was flying his glider dangerously close to children playing soccer in the area. They also told police Tokar was yelling at people on the golf course and trying to spit on them...

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