Law Humor

October 1992 - Did I Really Ask

Posted on September 14, 2009
October 1992 - Did I Really Ask That?From Wayne Tolivar of Gilmer, this excerpt from an early 1992 deposition in which James Moody of Dallas (Strasburger & Price) is questioning Wayne's "client about the operation of the family dairy business."A. No...

May 1994 - Ask a Written QuestionFrom

Posted on September 11, 2009
May 1994 - Ask a Written QuestionFrom Jerry W. Corbin of Denver City, who represented the plaintiff in an automobile accident case along with Steve Clark of Andrews, this excerpt from written interrogatories submitted to a doctor - who was "a little more than upset with lawyers in general and this case in particular":Q...

November 2000 - And Were You Successful?From

Posted on September 10, 2009
November 2000 - And Were You Successful?From Marcus D. Taylor of Quitman, the Criminal District Attorney of Wood County, this excerpt from the direct examination of the defendant in a criminal sexual assault case - who had returned home at 7:00 o'clock in the morning, and was avoiding telling his wife "exactly" what he had done...

October 1998 - I Hear Voices But

Posted on September 08, 2009
October 1998 - I Hear Voices But ...From Charles Zamora of Columbus, Ohio (Charles is also licensed in Texas), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in a workers' compensation case.Q. So it's your testimony then that you are still having hallucinations?A...

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September 2000 - The Jury SelectionFrom

Posted on September 04, 2009
September 2000 - The Jury SelectionFrom Timothy M. Quill of Missouri City, this voir dire story from a capital murder case that Tim tried in Houston. In her answers to the lengthy jury questionnaire, "one lady indicated that she and her husband were in the process of divorce, a proceeding which the husband had initiated, and about which she sounded quite bitter...

September 1999 - Voir Dire is Like

Posted on September 03, 2009
September 1999 - Voir Dire is Like a Box of Chocolates: You Never Know What You're Going to GetFrom Crawford Long of Waco (Crawford is the first assistant district attorney of the Criminal District Attorney's Office of McLennan County), this excerpt from voir dire in a murder trial in the 54th District Court in Waco...

November 1997 - Did They Really

Posted on September 02, 2009
November 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Andrew H. Petty of Houston (Alsup & Petty), this paragraph from a discovery request:Request For Production No. 19Please produce all documents Defendant destroyed which relate to matters in Plaintiff's Original Complaint.

October 1995 - Those WitnessesRaise

Posted on September 01, 2009
October 1995 - Those WitnessesRaise Your Right HandQ. Do you understand what you are to swear to?A. Yes, sir. I am to swear and tell the truth.Q. That's right. And do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?A. Well, your honor, I expect the other side will win the case...

October 1994 - The Jim Cowles CollectionFrom

Posted on August 31, 2009
October 1994 - The Jim Cowles CollectionFrom Jim E. Cowles of Dallas (Cowles & Thompson), this from a plaintiff's deposition - one of the "3,032 plaintiffs ... in the infamous Lone Star Steel cases, pending in Morris County since 1987" - taken by Jim Harris of Beaumont (Holmes & Harris)...

September 1998 - Did They Really

Posted on August 28, 2009
September 1998 - Did They Really Say That?From a federal court criminal trial in Dallas:Mr. Hunter: Your Honor, I understand that our witness had gone to the parking lot to retrieve his glasses. So I understand we're going to be penalized for it, but that's what we're waiting for...

September 1997 - Great Moments

Posted on August 27, 2009
September 1997 - Great Moments in the History of JusticeFrom District Judge Manuel Banales of the 105th Judicial District (Nueces, Kleberg & Kenedy Counties), this Somewhat Great Moment in which "History - of sorts - was made in [his] courtroom [in] Kleberg County on March 11, 1997...

June 1994 - Doing Voir DireFrom

Posted on August 25, 2009
June 1994 - Doing Voir DireFrom Jon L. Anderson of Lufkin, this excerpt from the voir dire in a capital murder case in Angelina County before Judge David Wilson (217th District Court). Jon was the defense attorney, and the prosecutor was Angelina County District Attorney Clyde Herrington...

December 1997 - I Did a BuchmeyerFrom

Posted on August 24, 2009
December 1997 - I Did a BuchmeyerFrom Jeffrey Hirt of Houston, this excerpt from his examination of the present wife of his client:Q. Gina, how long have you known your stepdaughters?A. Actually, since before they were born. When Joan was still pregnant...

December 1996 - Objectionable ObjectionsFrom

Posted on August 21, 2009
December 1996 - Objectionable ObjectionsFrom Joseph A. Fischer, III of Houston (Mayor, Day, etc.), this rather imaginative - but certainly useful - objection made by the opposing attorney during the plaintiff's deposition.Q. (By Mr. Fischer): So your testimony is that your failure to remember what was provided to you makes what was provided to you inadequate?Plaintiff's Attorney: Objection to the form of the question...

May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom

Posted on August 20, 2009
May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom Thomas A. Chambers of Liberty, this excerpt from the cross-examination of the defendant in a criminal assault case.Q. You were mad when you went to [the victim's] door, weren't you?A. No, but I was real pissed off.

May 1998 - Classic TyposFrom Patrick

Posted on August 19, 2009
May 1998 - Classic TyposFrom Patrick Shaw of Dallas (Woodward Shaw & Howell), from a letter by a Dallas mediator:... the March 20, 1998 date of 1:30 p.m. is confirmed unless all three of you agree to medicate at 8:30 a.m._____From Susan K. Pavlica of Houston (Mayer, Brown & Platt), from a transmittal letter to the district clerk:Pursuant to the Court's instructions, I am an Amended Notice of Oral Hearing ...

September 1997 - Did They Really

Posted on August 18, 2009
September 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Philip R. Russ of Amarillo, this contribution of a father being cross-examined during the trial of an oil and gas lease case:Q. Well, I mean why should we believe anything that's coming out of your mouth as you sit here right now?A...

September 1995 - Did They Really

Posted on August 17, 2009
September 1995 - Did They Really Say That?From John Adams of Austin (John is the clerk of the Texas Supreme Court), this excerpt from a letter by an attorney requesting to be "placed on inactive status" because of a medical breakthrough.Dear Sir:I have been an active member of the Texas Bar Association since _____...

December 1998 - I Love an Honest

Posted on August 14, 2009
December 1998 - I Love an Honest ManFrom Stuart Smith of Waco (Naman, Howell, Smith & Lee), this excerpt from the deposition of an eye witness to an accident.Q. Did y'all ever go out and do anything together?A. Yeah, a time or two.Q. Did he seem to be having trouble with his hand?A...

April 2001 - Classic Typo'sFrom

Posted on August 13, 2009
April 2001 - Classic Typo'sFrom Alan M. McGraw of Round Rock, this typo from "a real estate contract recently proposed by a California lawyer."... the prevailing party shall be entitled to recover any amounts that the courts may judge to be reasonable attorneys' feed from the opposing party...

July 2000 - What Was That Date

Posted on August 12, 2009
July 2000 - What Was That Date Again?From Amy Hanner of Austin (Amy is a legal assistant to Velva L. Price of the firm of Kothmann & Associates), this excerpt from a deposition taken by Velva Price - who is the president-elect of the Travis County Bar Association...

Posted on August 11, 2009

July 1999 - The Doctor's CertificateFrom

Posted on August 11, 2009
July 1999 - The Doctor's CertificateFrom Judge Tom Bacus of Wichita Falls (County Court at Law No. 2), this excerpt from a doctor's certificate in a civil commitment case - in which the "doctor graphically documented the results of his personal interview with the patient...

July 1998 - Those JurorsFrom G.

Posted on August 10, 2009
July 1998 - Those JurorsFrom G. David Ringer of Dallas (McKinley, Ringer & Zeiger), this response to a jury questionnaire from a trial David had in Rockwall County:How long have you lived in this county? All my life.Where did you previously live? Chicago.

September 1995 - The Wonderful

Posted on August 07, 2009
September 1995 - The Wonderful World of Pro SeFrom Preston W. McGee of Tyler (Potter, Minton, etc.), these two marvelous pro se motions that were astutely denied by Magistrate Judge Judith K. Guthrie.Come Now Henry W. _____, plaintiff in the above-entitled and numbered cause, to file this motion to personally conduct a deposition on each and every member for the grand jury to see if their blood is not tainted...

July 1997 - Couldn't ResistIn a

Posted on August 06, 2009
July 1997 - Couldn't ResistIn a motion filed in one of my cases, the defendant's attorney presented this classic typo: "Large portions of the Plaintiff's Affidavits are inadmissable heresy." After I stopped laughing, the only thing I could do was enter this Order:The Defendant's Motion To Strike Plaintiff's Summary Judgment Affidavits is GRANTED but only to the Following Extent: the request on page 2 to strike those portions of the affidavits as "inadmissable heresy" is GRANTED, and these heretical portions of the affidavits SHALL first have a wooden stake driven through them and next shall be boiled in oil!!SO ORDERED.

February 1999 - Did They Really

Posted on August 05, 2009
February 1999 - Did They Really Ask That?From Donald J. Hahn of Dallas (Collins, Norman & Basinger), this question that a lawyer asked his client in a hearing in Probate Court No. 2 (Judge Robert E. Price):Q. Now, Mrs. Smith, is it true that you were well acquainted with John Smith as a result of the fact that you were married to him for over 55 years?

April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis

Posted on August 04, 2009
April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis contribution from David W. Lindemood of Midland is from a CPS trial before District Judge Dean Rucker (318th District Court) in which Lindemood was the attorney ad litem for the child. The witness, who was the CASA guardian ad litem, is being questioned by Chris McCormack of Midland...

October 1996 - The Judicial CornerFrom

Posted on August 03, 2009
October 1996 - The Judicial CornerFrom District Judge Willie B. DuBose of Midland (385th District Court), this excerpt from a cocaine possession case he tried earlier this year. Judge DuBose sets the scene: Tom Parker, assisted by Bob Stevens, was representing the defendant and Wayne Frost was prosecuting...

June 1992 - Of the Rankest SortFrom

Posted on July 31, 2009
June 1992 - Of the Rankest SortFrom Robert Finlay of Honolulu, HI, this testimony from "a hotly contested murder trial" involving a difficult, albeit zoological, point of evidence:Prosecutor: On the photograph, what are on the brown, blood-like smudge?Mr...

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