Law Humor

July 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From

Posted on January 10, 2008
July 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From Bretton C. Gerard of Dallas (Gerard, Myrin & Singer), this excerpt from the deposition of the defendant in a dispute involving ownership of an apartment complex: the plaintiffs (Bretton's clients) had a contract to sell the apartments - but the defendant contended that he had an interest in the property and a contract to sell them to a third party for a higher price...

July 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From

Posted on January 09, 2008
July 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge Tom Bacus of Wichita Falls (County Court at Law Number Two), this excerpt from a hearing to probate the will of a client's only remaining parent." Judge Bacus explains that the attorney - whose practice consists primarily of family law - followed "the usual litany of questions necessary to prove the death facts and admission of the will to probate,' and closed with these questions:Q...

June 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From

Posted on January 08, 2008
June 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?From Leon Breeden of San Marcos, this excerpt from a hearing on a motion to dissolve a writ of sequestration on a registered quarter horse and other property:Q. Had Mr. Becker come to your property and asked to ... look at this property?A...

November 1992 - Did I Really Cause

Posted on January 07, 2008
November 1992 - Did I Really Cause That?From Robert J. Malinak of Houston (Baker & Botts), this excerpt from a deposition in a case involving the alleged wrongful termination of an insurance company. The witness, an employee of the agency, was represented by Richard Tate of San Antonio (Kendrick & Pipkin)...

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October 1992 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on January 04, 2008
October 1992 - Did I Really Hear That?From Darrell F. Smith of San Antonio, this excerpt from a 1988 deposition; Darrell was then in Midland and John Steven Dwyre of Lubbock was deposing Darrell's client - when "he established for all purposes relativorium cognito uno, cognoscitur et alterum involving [Darrell's] client":Q...

April 2004 - Can You Describe the

Posted on January 03, 2008
April 2004 - Can You Describe the Pain?This deposition excerpt is from Marvin L. Cook of San Antonio (he is general counsel of Southwest Business Corp.). The plaintiff in a slip-and-fall case is being questioned about the injuries allegedly suffered at the time of the fall...

July 1993 - Bad Questions and Good

Posted on January 02, 2008
July 1993 - Bad Questions and Good AnswersFrom Thomas D. Paul of Houston (Fulbright & Jaworski), this excerpt from a deposition in a patent infringement case - where the questions are being asked by Bryan Medlock of Dallas (Richards, Medlock & Andrews):Q...

May 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From

Posted on December 31, 2007
May 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From George M. Walker of Mobile, AL (Hand, Arendall, etc.), this excerpt from "one of the first depositions [he] ever attended" - of a "retired insulator from a local shipbuilding company in an asbestos case" (so there were, "as usual, 25 defense lawyers around a conference room table peppering [the witness] with questions:"Q...

December 1993 - Did He Really Say

Posted on December 28, 2007
December 1993 - Did He Really Say That?From Leslie R. Weatherhead of Spokane, WA (Witherspoon, Kelley, etc.), this "gem from a Secret Service 'Q and A' of a guy who designed an impressive scheme to defraud banks through the use of phony checks to fictitious payees such as 'Robin Banks' and 'E...

February 1994 - The Criminal StuffFrom

Posted on December 27, 2007
February 1994 - The Criminal StuffFrom Ron Goranson of Dallas (Milner, Goranson, etc.), this trial excerpt from the cross-examination of an IRS undercover agent by Dallas lawyer G. Thomas Rhodus.Q. Now, will you agree with me that there are certainly areas where the tax laws are complex?A...

February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom

Posted on December 21, 2007
February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom Trish Nasworthy of Grand Prairie (Trish is an Assistant City Attorney), this mistake she spotted in an ad in the Dallas Morning News.LITITAGATION ATTORNEY needed immediately. Large plaintiff's personal injury firm seeks associate...

October 1991 - Summer ClerkingFinally!

Posted on December 20, 2007
October 1991 - Summer ClerkingFinally! The first et cetera contributions from summer clerks from McCleod, Alexander, Powel & Apffel of Galveston (and Houston).From Jennifer E. Patton, excerpts from a deposition in a real estate dispute - with Jennifer's explanation that the plaintiff's attorney is deposing the owner of some adjoining property (a doctor); that the defense attorney "had been objecting 'almost continuously;'" and that, after this went on "for quite some time" the good doctor" decided to strike back:"Def...

June 1997 - BankrupturesFrom Barbara

Posted on December 19, 2007
June 1997 - BankrupturesFrom Barbara Botello's Battery of Blunders (proofreader and librarian for the Amarillo firm of Hinkle, Cox, etc.1. Trustee recommends that this clam be allowed ... (claim)2. The creditor can threaten to turn the debtor into the Credit Bureau ...

April 1988 - The Judge Without

Posted on December 18, 2007
April 1988 - The Judge Without a GavelRobert F. Barnes of Hidalgo (former district judge of the 93rd and 275th district courts), was visited by a group of third-grade students from Mission on a "field trip" when he was sitting in Mission as a visiting judge...

December 1992 - That Sounds Like

Posted on December 13, 2007
December 1992 - That Sounds Like My LawyerFrom David A. Wallin of Dallas ("Illustrations & Designs"), these "courtroom questions" by Canadian attorneys, as reported in a Toronto Star column by Peter V. MacDonald:Q. And you are how old a woman, sir?***Q...

December 2007 - Is That Testimonial?This

Posted on December 12, 2007
December 2007 - Is That Testimonial?This contribution is from Lori J. Kaspar, the assistant county attorney of Hood County (Granbury) Court at Law, who writes:"The female defendant stood beside her court-appointed lawyer for her misdemeanor plea."Visiting Judge William H...

January 2001 - In That Case ...From

Posted on December 11, 2007
January 2001 - In That Case ...From Sean P. Healy of Tyler (courtesy of court reporter Kristy Crawford), this exchange in the 321st District Court where "Joe Shumate and Sam George were making announcements at docket call":The Court: Okay. Do y'all want a hearing today after 11 then?Mr...

July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim

Posted on December 10, 2007
July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim D. Bowmer of Temple (Bowmer, Courtney) sent me a couple of stories "about our great friend Percy Foreman." One time when Percy was questioning a prospective juror of German heritage in Comal County, which is not noted for its leniency against criminal defendants...

May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared

Posted on December 07, 2007
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...

May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton

Posted on December 06, 2007
May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton CollectionFrom Cindy Singleton who sent me these excerpts after cleaning out her desk during her last week at the Tarrant County D.A.'s office.Mr. Ally: Ask that you instruct the jury to disregard, Your Honor, the comment of Mr...

April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis

Posted on December 05, 2007
April 2005 - A Marvelous AnswerThis contribution from David W. Lindemood of Midland is from a CPS trial before District Judge Dean Rucker (318th District Court) in which Lindemood was the attorney ad litem for the child. The witness, who was the CASA guardian ad litem, is being questioned by Chris McCormack of Midland...

April 1990 - Recalling & RecollectingTerry

Posted on December 04, 2007
April 1990 - Recalling & RecollectingTerry L. Belt of Austin submits this excerpt from the deposition of the father who was seeking to modify the child custody terms of the divorce.Q. Do you remember the incident on the day that you came running up from the basement and explained to your wife that you were going to kill yourself?A...

July 2003 - Did They Really Say

Posted on December 03, 2007
July 2003 - Did They Really Say That?This contribution from Ileana M. Blanco (Bracewell & Giuliani):Q. Let's talk about McNish for a moment. You said he was a beast. He weighed about 300 pounds, didn't he?The Court: I don't think I heard anybody say anybody was a beast...

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