Law Humor

July 1998 - Classic Typos(1) From

Posted on November 10, 2008
July 1998 - Classic Typos(1) From an affidavit of Marital History and Heirship" filed in Gregg County in March 1991:I, Henry H. Harbour, being duly sworn, state upon oath that i have read the foregoing affidavit of marital history and heirship relating to Lillie Culver and I was personally acquainted with Lillie Culver and her husband, Paul V...

October 1994 - Did He Really Say

Posted on November 07, 2008
October 1994 - Did He Really Say That? From Municipal Judge Steven C. Williamson of Fort Worth, this excerpt from a guilty plea by "a man charged with discharging a firearm within the city limits in his own backyard)." Court: How do you wish to plead? Defendant: Guilty...

June 1996 - Classic Typos From

Posted on November 06, 2008
June 1996 - Classic Typos From Thomas V. Erdos, Jr. of Austin, this "red hearing" of a typo he found in the Lexis version of Southwest Airlines Co. v. Texas High Speed Rail Auth., 867 S.W.2d 154 (Tex. App. - Austin 1993): A procedural due-process requirement of notice and herring does not necessarily abrogate the state's immunity from suit and immunity from liability...

July 1995 - Be Careful with Experts

Posted on November 05, 2008
July 1995 - Be Careful with Experts From Sharon Emerson of Corpus Christi (Sharon is a paralegal with Kleberg & Head), this excerpt from the deposition "of an expert marine surveyor in a case involving the captain of a crew boat which ran into an offshore drilling platform because he fell asleep...

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April 1999 - Did They Really Say

Posted on November 04, 2008
April 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Jane Starnes of Houston (Jane is an assistant district attorney for Harris County), this "hysterical" excerpt from a possession of cocaine case she tried last year.Q. Now, you've admitted that you were pretty hysterical out there?A...

May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom

Posted on November 03, 2008
May 1998 - Telling It Like It IsFrom Dana A. Ehrlich of San Angelo, this excerpt from his deposition of a judgment debtor (whose current occupation, Dana thought, was "hanging around the race track").Q. Are you a horse trainer, a horse breeder, or owner? Just what are you?A...

October 2000 - Did They Really

Posted on October 31, 2008
October 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Thomas B. Alleman of Dallas (Winstead, Sechrest & Minick), this entry he found scribbled in the nurse's notes concerning a patient:3/28/98 - Spoke with wife who said, "He just bit me on the hand, fortunately he didn't have any teeth in...

March 1998 - The Energizer BunnyFrom

Posted on October 30, 2008
March 1998 - The Energizer BunnyFrom Marion J. Borchers of New Braunfels, this excerpt from a pleading filed in a bankruptcy court in the Southern District of California. In the case, "the ex-husband of the debtor opposed the sale of land in Comal County, Texas and appealed an adverse ruling, lost three motions to stay, and then filed an ex parte motion for clarification" - which drew this response from Jeffrey Isaacs of San Diego, Calif...

March 1990 - Is That a Reasonable

Posted on October 29, 2008
March 1990 - Is That a Reasonable Fee? This is from a hearing before the Texas Railroad Commission. It comes from Jack Balagia, Jr. of Austin (McGinnis, Lochridge, etc): he explains that An Unnamed Austin Lawyer is testifying in support of the reasonableness of the hourly rates being charged by his firm - which were to be passed through to the customers by the gas utility his firm was representing:Q...

February 1989 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on October 28, 2008
February 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?From Mary Strand, a staff attorney for the Tyler Court of Appeals, this testimony from a hearing on temporary child conservatorship - by witness who had "obviously not been testifying as expected":Q. Let me ask you this: Have you been frank in your answers?A...

November 2008 - Did They Really

Posted on October 27, 2008
November 2008 - Did They Really Say That?From Donald A. Ferrill of Fort Worth (Brown Thompson, etc.), this statement from a Petition for Review filed in the Texas Supreme Court by opposing counsel:Evidence does exist that the body was destroyed. Dr. Reed's Single Animal Record reflects that he conducted his own autopsy.

March 1999 - Classic TyposEt cetera's

Posted on October 24, 2008
March 1999 - Classic TyposEt cetera's first triple submission - from San Antonio attorneys Jonathan B. Cluck (Kampmann & Cluck), Clarkson F. Brown (Brian L. Blakely & Associates), and Jason J. Thompson (Thompson & Thompson) - this typo in a Jan...

April 1998 - The Judge Without

Posted on October 23, 2008
April 1998 - The Judge Without a GavelRobert F. Barnes of Hidalgo (former district judge of the 93rd and 275th district courts), was visited by a group of third-grade students from Mission on a "field trip" when he was sitting in Mission as a visiting judge...

July 2006 - Classic TypoJack Haney

Posted on October 22, 2008
July 2006 - Classic TypoJack Haney of Huntsville (Haney, Kraemer & Moorman) recently received a motion for production of documents that asked for production of:Copies of signature card and other records concerning any account of decedent, _______, with Vanguard and Infidelity Investments.

June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?

Posted on October 21, 2008
June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That? James P. Walker, Jr. of Dallas (McKinley, Dubner) shares an excerpt from the deposition of a bankruptcy debtor who is serving time for stock fraud at the La Tuna Federal Corrections Institution. This cross-examination is by Wade Williams of Galveston (Mills, Shirley)...

April 1997 - Did They Really Say

Posted on October 20, 2008
April 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Robert F. Redmond, Jr. of Richmond, Va. (McGuire, Woods, etc.), who is a member of the State Bar of Texas, this excerpt from his deposition of a personal injury plaintiff "who claimed soft tissue neck and back injuries subsequent to a very minor rear end impact...

February 1999 - SPEAKING IN "lower

Posted on October 17, 2008
February 1999 - SPEAKING IN "lower case"From David S. Crawford of Arlington (Perdue, Brandon, etc.), this marvelous excerpt from the transcript of a hearing before Judge Thomas Wilson Lowe III of Fort Worth (236th District Court) in a case involving a pro se, "lower case" defendant...

February 1999 - What Did I Just

Posted on October 16, 2008
February 1999 - What Did I Just Say?From Darryl S. Vereen of El Paso (Mounce Green, ect.), this excerpt from "the deposition of the investigating DPS trooper in a multi-vehicle truck/auto fatality collision" - where beer cans were found in the decendent's car...

January 2001 - You Wake Him UpFrom

Posted on October 15, 2008
January 2001 - You Wake Him UpFrom Michael M. Fulton of San Antonio, this exchange that took place years ago in a trial before an elderly State District Judge who "went to sleep from time to time on the bench."Plaintiff's Attorney: The bus ran the red light, didn't it?Defendant's Attorney: Objection...

January 1999 - Revenue and SafetyFrom

Posted on October 14, 2008
January 1999 - Revenue and SafetyFrom William E. "Gene" Storie of Austin - Gene is the assistant chief of the Taxation Division in the Texas Attorney's office - this excerpt from his deposition of the other side's expert.Q. From your understanding of this lawsuit, is it about pipeline safety?A...

February 1999 - Did They Really

Posted on October 13, 2008
February 1999 - Did They Really Ask That?From Donald J. Hahn of Dallas (Collins, Norman & Basinger), this question that a lawyer asked his client in a hearing in Probate Court No. 2 (Judge Robert E. Price):Q. Now, Mrs. Smith, is it true that you were well acquainted with John Smith as a result of the fact that you were married to him for over 55 years?

February 1999 - Did They Really

Posted on October 10, 2008
February 1999 - Did They Really Report That?From Ted H. Roberts of San Antonio, the following excerpt from a newspaper article in the San Antonio Express News.CORPUS CHRISTI - Two weeks after first hearing about the last moments of the victims' lives, jurors in South Texas sentenced the man who killed the Refugio County residents to death.

February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom

Posted on October 09, 2008
February 1999 - Lawyers are NextFrom Amy K. Rosenberg of Fort Collins, Colo. (Liggett, Smith & Williams), this trial excerpt from a "marriage dissolution proceeding" in which Amy's colleague, Michael Liggett, "was cross-examing the soon-to-be ex-wife" regarding some of her expenditures...

July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell

Posted on October 08, 2008
July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell the Truth...Judge: (To young witness) Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?Witness: Yes, I would go to hell.Judge: Is that all?Witness: Isn't that enough?

February 2002 - Are You A Spirit?

Posted on October 07, 2008
February 2002 - Are You A Spirit? From Karan Hogan of San Antonio (Karen is the Court Investigator for Judge Polly Jackson Spencer, Probate Court No. One in Bexar County), this note sent to Judge Spencer by William Goodman, the court-appointed attorney ad litem " in the guardianship proceeding of the proposed ward the day after the hearing...

September 1997 - Did They Really

Posted on October 06, 2008
September 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Walter Cowger of Dallas (Akin, Gump), this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff in a wrongful discharge case.Q. Did you come here today [from Oregon] just for this deposition?A. Yes, I did.Q. You're not planning to move back to Texas anytime soon?A...

March 1988 - Does Orkin Know About

Posted on October 03, 2008
March 1988 - Does Orkin Know About This?Ben Taylor, who works as a briefing attorney for Judge Kilgarlin of the Texas Supreme Court, found this testimony in a gas explosion case (reported at 736 S.W.2d 836). He explains that the defense attorney "was attempting to cross-examine one of the plaintiff's fact witness...

April 2003 - Doing Voir DireFrom

Posted on October 02, 2008
April 2003 - Doing Voir DireFrom Paul Mewis of Houston, this excerpt from a voir dire record in a criminal case.The Court: What kind of work do you do?Prospective Juror: I'm a financial analyst.The Court: How long have you been doing that?Prospective Juror: 610 years...

May 1985 - Were You in the Military

Posted on October 01, 2008
May 1985 - Were You in the Military Service?Q. Were you in the Army?A. No sir, I didn't go.Q. Why?A. Well, when I was ready to leave they said, 'Well, everything is over,' and I say, 'Okay,' So I didn't go.

April 2000 - The Nirvana WarningThis

Posted on September 30, 2008
April 2000 - The Nirvana WarningThis "two-fer" is from Ilse D. Bailey-Graham of Kerrville (Ilse is an assistant county attorney).First, Ilse discovered this typographical error in a Kerr County Sheriff's Office DWI offense report:20. Sgt. Billeiter then administered the one leg stand...

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