Law Humor

Another High Court Takes Up Negligent-Golfing Issue

Posted on November 15, 2010
New York's highest court will hear arguments tomorrow in a case that raises the perennial question: Does a golfer have a legal duty to yell "Fore"? A trial judge and a panel of the Appellate Division agreed that Dr. Azad...

"Safe Surrender" Program Draws Hundreds Not Wanted for Anything

Posted on November 13, 2010
Speaking of the U.S. Marshals Service (did you buy some of Bernie Madoff's crap from them this weekend?), another of the service's programs has also proven wildly popular. Five years ago, the service started "Fugitive Safe Surrender," a program that....

Buy Some of Bernie Madoff's Stupid Crap This Weekend

Posted on November 12, 2010
The U.S. Marshals Service has announced it will be holding a large auction of the remaining belongings of Bernie Madoff, on account of he will not be needing any of this stuff for the next 150 years or so. The...

TSA: No Spear Guns in Carry-On Baggage, Please

Posted on November 11, 2010
While I was checking to make sure that toner cartridges and snow globes are still banned from airplanes (they are), I noticed that there are lots of other things that are also not allowed in your carry-on bags. In fact,...

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Assorted Stupidity #8

Posted on November 11, 2010
Not sure which is worse: referring to one of these as a "rigid feminine pleasure device," or attacking a cop with one. The Chicago Tribune reported that the RFPD assault took place when an officer visited a woman's home to...

Google Maps Blamed for Invasion

Posted on November 10, 2010
Bad enough that Google Maps allegedly caused a woman to be hit by a car because its route told her to walk along a highway and failed to warn her that said highway posed certain risks (namely cars). Now it...

Judge Enjoins Oklahoma Ban on Islamic Law

Posted on November 09, 2010
As I noted last week, one of the stranger outcomes of this year's midterm elections (not stranger than California rejecting Prop 19, but still) was the success of an Oklahoma ballot measure that makes it illegal for the state's courts...

Rioting, San Francisco Style

Posted on November 09, 2010
As you may have heard, the San Francisco Giants won the World Series, and anytime somebody wins a championship, of course, things must be set on fire. There were reports that one or more SF victory celebrations had turned into...

NORAD: "Missile" No Threat to Nation, as Far as You Know

Posted on November 09, 2010
This is pretty far off-topic, but I got interested in it for possibly obvious reasons, so I will go ahead and mention it. The government has issued a statement saying that it doesn't know what this thing was, but that...

How to Avoid Jury Duty, #8: Be Pals With a Serial Killer

Posted on November 08, 2010
Here's how this one works: Standard voir dire question: "Has anyone you know ever been convicted of a crime?" Non-standard answer: "I had a close friend in high school who killed 17 people." Resulting statement: "We would like to thank...

Lamebook Sues Facebook

Posted on November 07, 2010
TechCrunch reports that Facebook, Inc., which apparently operates some sort of social-networking website, has been sued by Lamebook, LLC. Lamebook, which accepts and reposts funny and lame stuff users come across on Facebook -- that is, it's sort of the...

Meals Now Less Happy in San Francisco

Posted on November 04, 2010
Those who hate fun scored a victory on Tuesday, and not just those in the Republican Party. Way at the other end of the political spectrum, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted 8-3 to ban the inclusion of toys...

Lawyer Finds $1 Million in Cash in His Closet

Posted on November 03, 2010
From today's ABA Journal: A South Carolina lawyer known for his TV commercials and billboards has turned over $994,000 in cash kept in a closet of his Myrtle Beach law office after a court-appointed bankruptcy investigator stressed the importance of....

Odd Election Results

Posted on November 03, 2010
Various Democrats and Republicans and so forth won their various races and blah blah blah. Here are a few possibly more interesting results from yesterday's elections. Rhode Island voters rejected a measure that would have changed the state's name, which...

Quaids: Lohan, Spears, Gibson Also in Danger From Star Whackers

Posted on November 02, 2010
Randy and Evi Quaid appeared on "Good Morning America" on Monday to discuss their allegations that they and other celebrities are being victimized by a shadowy group of embezzlers, assassins, or possibly embezzling assassins, who they refer to as the...

Denver Citizens to Vote on Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission

Posted on November 01, 2010
Here's an important ballot initiative that voters in Denver will be considering on Tuesday: Shall the voters for the City and County of Denver adopt an Initiated Ordinance to require the creation of an extraterrestrial affairs commission to help ensure...

McDonald's Ordered to Pay Fat Manager

Posted on October 29, 2010
Via the Law360 service I learned that a judge in Brazil has ordered McDonald's to pay a former manager $17,500 based on his allegations that he gained 65 pounds during his years with the company, due to such dastardly corporate...

Assorted Stupidity #7

Posted on October 29, 2010
When I suggested the other day that Charlie Sheen should consider the Tourette's defense, I didn't have all the facts. So unless there is some evidence that Tourette's syndrome could cause someone to do cocaine, bring a porn star to...

Dancing Polar Bears Sue for False Arrest

Posted on October 28, 2010
"The individuals in polar bear costumes," says a complaint quoted by Courthouse News Service, "were singled out for arrest, despite not being disruptive, while more noisy protesters were free to leave, even walking by as Capitol Police arrested the individuals...

Good Reason to Kill #11: Sang "My Way" Poorly

Posted on October 27, 2010
In February, the New York Times reported that many Filipinos are reluctant to sing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" at karaoke bars because of the number of killings the song has allegedly triggered in recent years. "I used to like 'My...

PRACTICE TIP: Referring to Judges on Your Panel as "Ass Clowns" Does Not Maximize Chance of Success

Posted on October 27, 2010
I believe I've pointed out before that insulting a judge hearing your case is usually not good strategy, but maybe it is time for a refresher. This case has a long and tortured history, but it looks like it began...

Randy Quaid & Wife Seek Asylum in Canada; Say They Fear Hollywood "Star Whackers"

Posted on October 26, 2010
It is becoming increasingly apparent that Randy Quaid, who has frequently played oddball characters like "Cousin Eddie" in the "National Lampoon's Vacation" films and the not-entirely-sane pilot in "Independence Day," has not been acting. Quaid and his wife were arrested...

Not Guilty by Reason of Tourette's?

Posted on October 26, 2010
A Florida woman whose previous claim to fame was that she had hiccups for five weeks straight in 2007 is now getting another 15 minutes by (potentially) asserting Tourette's syndrome as a defense to first-degree murder charges. Jennifer Mee, 19,...

Nevada Supreme Court Denies O.J. Simpson's Appeal

Posted on October 22, 2010
In one of the year's least surprising developments, the Nevada Supreme Court has refused to overturn O.J. Simpson's conviction for armed robbery and kidnapping. The court rejected all of Simpson's arguments, which included contentions about the racial makeup of the...

Please Advise at Your Earliest Convenience Whether You Would Like to Super-Size Your Allegations

Posted on October 21, 2010
That's just one of the many possible headlines for an item about a law firm that has opened a drive-thru window. The Kocian Law Group, a personal-injury law firm with offices in Connecticut and New York, opened the new office...

Police-Cam Video of Kansas City Chimp Released

Posted on October 20, 2010
Okay, one more on yesterday's chimp rampage in Kansas City. The occasion (or excuse) for bringing it up again is that the video from the police car's camera has been released. Here's the cellphone video I was going on about...

Gorilla Update

Posted on October 19, 2010
After I posted the previous item on the gorilla said to be rampaging through Kansas City, the original article was updated (same link) and the ape in question is now reported to be a "large chimpanzee" (pan troglodytes) rather than...

Assorted Stupidity #6

Posted on October 19, 2010
Resolved: the sentence "My dad paid cash for my Toyota Corolla and I am too rich to go to jail" is internally inconsistent. Discuss. Please note that the question whether uttering this sentence will keep you from getting arrested has...

Mayor's Inability to Leap Over Giant Human Tomato Costs City $38,000

Posted on October 18, 2010
The original headline for this item, "Mayor that accidentally kicked giant human tomato in the head costs council £24,000," was very good but not quite accurate. Jim Rodgers, who at the time (September 2007) was Lord Mayor of Belfast, technically...

Canadian Mounties Proceeding With "Active Investigation" of Bieber's Role in Laser-Tag Incident

Posted on October 18, 2010
Obviously I am not above writing about Justin Bieber for the purpose of siphoning off some of the massive amount of Bieber-related Internet and Twitter traffic, but I am at least not willing to use the phrase "Bieber Probed" as...

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