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Law Humor

Legal Juice

Focuses on the lighter side of the law by highlighting all things humorous about the legal profession, ranging from odd cases and strange court filings to weird laws.
By John Mesirow

Post Frequency: 5.9/day

Last Entry: May 25, 2010 at 02:01:20

When You "Assume" ...

Posted on July 17, 2008
Many of you are too young to have watched "The Odd Couple" on tv. There's a courtroom scene (see above) in which Felix is representing his buddy Oscar. Felix warns the court that, when you "assume," you make an "ass" of "u" and "me." That would apply in this case from Sweet Home, Oregon...

You Called The Judge A What?

Posted on July 16, 2008
An asshole! (Or, as reported at Ocala.com, "a two-syllable curse word?a crude term referring to the anus." Must be a "family" newspaper. Please.) Anyway, Ms. Sarah E. Muller was not pleased with Marion County [Florida] Judge R. James McCune Jr.'s denial of her request to be dismissed from jury duty...

It's My Yard, So Go ....

Posted on July 15, 2008
Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren't real happy about that, or the ... used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees; plastic reindeer; smiley faces painted on the driveway; lampshades tied to bushes, and ...

Sock Thief Gets How Long?

Posted on July 14, 2008
If you're Mr. James Dowdy, a long time. Per the Belleville News-Democrat: In 1993, Dowdy received a three-year-prison sentence for attempted burglary after police caught him with a bag of stolen socks. Damn. Three years for that? But wait ... [In 1997] ...

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Ladies And Gentlemen, Your Pilot Has ...

Posted on July 13, 2008
Spirit Airlines pilot Wayne Giles, age 46, was not exactly an ideal neighbor. Here's a sampling of what he did to his neighbors over a six-year period: throwing shit [really], old fruit, and eggs at an elderly couple's home; sending anonymous letters, for more than 5 years, graphically detailing sex acts...

You Call That A Potato Chip?

Posted on July 12, 2008
Actually in the United Kingdom, what Americans call potato chips, they call "crisps." The burning question before a UK High Court judge was: Are Pringles "crisps" or not? Why is this important? Because if they are crisps, they get taxed at 17.5%! If not, they are exempt from the tax, as is most other food...

Beware The Teddy Bear

Posted on July 11, 2008
Here's the defense: "It wasn't me. It was all the bear's idea." The crime? Per The Sydney Morning Herald: Police said in April this year [22-year-old Russell] Hounslow's 21-year-old flatmate found a camera inside a teddy bear on her bedside table and discovered it was linked to a video cassette recorder...

Judge Not Pleased With Outrageously Long Complaint , Moved To Prose

Posted on July 10, 2008
How long was the Complaint filed by a Vancouver, Washington attorney against GMAC Mortgage, et al.? 465 pages! You probably won't be surprised to hear that the Defendants filed a Motion for a More Definite Statement (in laymen's terms, "What the hell is this crap?")...

Do NOT Piss Off This Boy

Posted on July 09, 2008
A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor's porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey: The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil...

Flower Fight Leads To A Severed ...

Posted on July 08, 2008
No, not that. Read on... So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly "poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric," per The Telegraph. But that wasn't the end of it...

No You Didn't Just Give Me A Ticket For That

Posted on July 07, 2008
Ms. Gill Hodges committed an almost unspeakable crime [kids, leave the room]: she used four parking vouchers to pay for her parking, instead of two! And she had the nerve to wonder what difference it made, since her four vouchers added up to �2, exactly the required fee...

Officer, I Swear It's Just Soap!

Posted on July 06, 2008
Don Bolles, drummer for the legendary punk rock band The Germs, was on his way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting when he was pulled over by Newport Beach, California's finest. For whatever reason (they hate punk?), they decide to search his car. I'm sure Bolles now wishes he hadn't consented...

Eviction Over A Candy Wrapper?

Posted on July 05, 2008
As reported in The South Florida Times: Adrienne Frasier, a single mother of three children, has filed a housing discrimination complaint after being evicted from the Villas D?Este development in Delray Beach. The family had rented a luxury apartment there for more than three and a half years before being evicted after one of Frasier?s sons allegedly threw candy wrappers onto the ground...

Cat Microwaved By Lawyer?

Posted on July 04, 2008
It?s good to be passionate about your work, but not too passionate. Take the case of Stanley Protokowicz, a Maryland divorce lawyer. He represented one Thomas Sanders (his best friend), who, shortly after divorce proceedings began, learned that his wife had been having an extramarital affair...

I WON'T Drink To That

Posted on July 03, 2008
Ohio resident Alan David Patton went to great lengths to collect urine ... so he could drink it. So a father and his son were trying to use a restroom at Sports Ohio. Per the Columbus Local News: The father told police there were trash bags covering the toilets and paper cups in the urinals, as well as typed signs in the restroom directing people to use the urinals with the cups in them...

Lawsuit Over One Penny?

Posted on July 02, 2008
That's what Bob Nicks was threatened with by the Performing Rights Society (PRS), which collects royalties for musicians - a lawsuit for one penny. Per the Evening Chronicle: The not-for-profit organisation says any boss who plays music to their workers or customers through a radio at work needs a licence...

What's In A Name?

Posted on July 01, 2008
If you ask a Los Alamos, New Mexico man named Variable, a lot. Variable wanted to change his name to Fuck Censorship. But Bernalillo County Judge Nan Nash refused his requested. So Variable appealed. The Court of Appeals ... denied it. Why? Per WTOPnews...

Um, That's Not My Weed?

Posted on June 30, 2008
Talk about really bad timing (or being really stoned - or both), as reported by The Maryland Coast Dispatch [Ocean City]: On Monday evening, an OCPD officer was in the Liquor Mart on 18th Street investigating a theft when he observed a female standing at the counter paying for her purchase...

Just Bad Luck? Or ...

Posted on June 29, 2008
In the past three years, trains on which Lee Shuang-chuan and his wife Chen Shi Shen-hong rode derailed three times! After the most recent derailment, on March 17, 2006, authorities thought the death of Lee?s wife was a tragic accident. They had been traveling on a train bound for Vietnam to visit Chen?s relatives...

Not The Most Intelligent Way To Protest High Gas Prices

Posted on June 28, 2008
Yes, I know that gas prices are even higher in Europe than here. Even so ... [As reported by the AP]: A German man doused his BMW with gasoline and torched it on Friday in protest at skyrocketing fuel costs, police said. The unemployed 30-year-old man drove the black 1995 BMW 3-series sedan onto the lawn outside Frankfurt's convention center grounds at about 7:30 a...

A Little Fast And Lose With The Truth?

Posted on June 27, 2008
15-year-old Eric Crespo was charged with attempted murder and illegal possession of a gun. On the night of his arrest, he was interrogated by Detective Perino for over an hour. In court, though, Perino didn't remember it quite that way. As reported in The Village Voice: Under cross-examination by Crespo?s attorney, Mark DeMarco, Perino denied 11 more times that he had any conversations with Crespo after he was in custody...

Mowing While Intoxicated?

Posted on June 26, 2008
North Pole, Alaska (really) resident Wyatt Lewis got an unusual DUI. As reported by the Anchorage Daily News, here's how fellow North Pole resident Anne Sterle described it: "I was woken at about 1 in the morning by hearing a lawn mower outside my window," Sterle said...

Naked Jogging Priest With A Novel Defense

Posted on June 25, 2008
Reverend Robert Whipkey was arrested in Frederick, Colorado for jogging naked (around the high school track) at 4:30 a.m. He was busted while walking home, still naked. So what was his defense to the indecent exposure charge? Per the Daily Camera: Whipkey?s attorney argued his client?s actions didn?t satisfy an element of the indecent-exposure law that requires proof he ?knowingly? exposed himself...

God Deals Coke?

Posted on June 24, 2008
Hey, don't shoot the messenger. A man named God Lucky Howard was busted in Tampa, Florida for selling cocaine. And the charges include selling drugs near a church... Click here for the source.

Motion Not To Cry?

Posted on June 23, 2008
Really. As reported by the AP from Hamilton, Ohio: Prosecutors in southwest Ohio say there should be no crying during closing arguments in death penalty cases. Motions were filed this week, saying defense attorneys have strategically been known to cry on cue and beg for their client's lives...

No Bonus Points For Making Parole Appointment?

Posted on June 22, 2008
Not if you arrive at the meeting with your parole officer IN A STOLEN CAR. And parolee Marcus George had just been released from prison last week for ... burglary and theft! Per the AP, turns out he took a car for a very long test drive. He never returned it! Mr...

This Guy LOVES His Car

Posted on June 21, 2008
Mr. Sandy Wong, of Edmonton - he really loves his car. As reported in the Edmonton Sun, here are a few details of his relationship with a BMW: Wong was busted for masturbating while sitting on the roof of a 2007 BMW 328i sedan on display at the Home and Garden Show at the Northlands AgriCom...

What Are Those Teeth In My Green Beans?

Posted on June 20, 2008
Not to worry. Those teeth? They are in the mouth of a rat, whose head Texan Dale Cane found in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans! If you're thinking this is a one-time thing, think again. As reported in The Beaumont Enterprise: Utah mother Marianne Watson in October 2007 made the news after reporting that she found a rat head in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, also purchased at a Wal-Mart...

Another Crime Committed With An Octopus?

Posted on June 19, 2008
Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press: The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs...

Whoa There, Your Honor

Posted on June 18, 2008
Las Vegas Municipal Judge George Assad got a little carried away. Seems he was upset that one Joshua Madera failed to appear in court to clear up some unpaid traffic tickets. Per the Las Vegas Sun: When Madera called the court to seek a continuance because he was starting a new job that day, a clerk told him he could not obtain a continuance over the telephone...

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