Law Humor

June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From

Posted on March 13, 2009
June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From a telephone hearing conducted by one of the bankruptcy judges in Dallas: the judge has been advised that 12 attorneys are ready for him on the conference call.The Court: Okay. Thank you. I'm going to give the decision on the motion...

January 2004 - That's Good Advice!This

Posted on March 12, 2009
January 2004 - That's Good Advice!This contribution, from Carl Pipoly and Melissa Brantner of San Antonio, is from a personal injury trial where the defense counsel violated a motion in limine by injecting the workers' compensation case into the trial...

December 1994 - Did He Really Say

Posted on March 11, 2009
December 1994 - Did He Really Say That?From John R. Halliburton, an assistant U.S. attorney in Shreveport, LA - John has been a regular "et cetera" contributor for years - this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff who claimed the Air Force failed to timely diagnose and treat his medical condition:Q...

July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim

Posted on March 10, 2009
July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim D. Bowmer of Temple (Bowmer, Courtney) sent me a couple of stories "about our great friend Percy Foreman." One time when Percy was questioning a prospective juror of German heritage in Comal County, which is not noted for its leniency against criminal defendants...

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July 1993 - Did She Really Say

Posted on March 09, 2009
July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.

January 1989 - What Was That Again?

Posted on March 06, 2009
January 1989 - What Was That Again? From Judge David G. Lewis of Dumas (Moore County Court of Law), this excerpt from a recent divorce custody trial in Moore County.Q. And what did you do that night?A. We made and sent out some fliers. [Being the West Texas pronunciation of "flowers"]Q...

June 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?George

Posted on March 05, 2009
June 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?George A. Kelt, Jr., a United State Magistrate in Houston, discovered "this bit of testimony given by the young widow in the case concerning the fracus" in State of Texas v. Charlie Coleman:Q. Do you remember what day of the week Nov...

Posted on March 04, 2009

Posted on March 03, 2009

Posted on March 02, 2009

Posted on February 27, 2009

Posted on February 26, 2009

September 1992 - Did He Really

Posted on February 25, 2009
September 1992 - Did He Really Mean That?Mark Giles sent me a paragraph from a temporary order in a divorce case - in which "the parties took strong positions as to their parrot, Herme" - with the note that the order (drafted by the opposing counsel, of course) "uses words that could have a double meaning," explaining "some of her client's disgust at the parrot arrangement...

September 2002 - The "Suicide Question"From

Posted on February 24, 2009
September 2002 - The "Suicide Question"From U.S. Magistrate Judge Marcie A. Crone of Houston, this "excerpt from a recent employment discrimination" trial in her court in which the Plaintiff alleged mental anguish as well as other claimsQ. I'm not asking if you attempted suicide...

May 1994 - Did She Really Say That?From

Posted on February 23, 2009
May 1994 - Did She Really Say That?From Suzanne Saenz of Houston (Suzanne is a legal assistant with Ronald W. Ryan), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a medical malpractice case.Q. Mr. Williams, are you on any medication today?A. Yeah. No...

May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From

Posted on February 18, 2009
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge David Cleveland of Palo Pinto (29th District Court), this testimony from the trial of will contest involving two wills left by Walter Howeth:Q. When did you last see Walter?A. At the funeral.Q. Did he make any comment to you at that time?A...

July 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?Q.

Posted on February 06, 2009
July 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?Q. What's his first name?A. I can't remember.Q. He's been your brother-in-law for 45 years and you can't remember his first name?A. No, I tell you. I'm too excited! [Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Borofkin] Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name.

January 2002 - Did They Really

Posted on February 05, 2009
January 2002 - Did They Really Ask That?From Senior State District Judge A. D. Azios of Houston, this incident which took place while he was trying a felony case as a visiting judge in Montgomery County. The questions are by Assistant District Attorney Mike Seiler...

June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From

Posted on February 04, 2009
June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?From a telephone hearing conducted by one of the bankruptcy judges in Dallas: the judge has been advised that 12 attorneys are ready for him on the conference call.The Court: Okay. Thank you. I'm going to give the decision on the motion...

October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared

Posted on February 03, 2009
October 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That Up!From Judge Michael D. Schattman of Fort Worth (348th District Court), this exchange "between attorney Ken Kreis of Bosie, ID and a pretty hostile witness in a case I tried Feb. 15 of the year."Q. Well, my question wasn't whether he made a lot of trips to the office...

June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles

Posted on February 02, 2009
June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles W. Hury of McAllen received this last page of an apartment lease guaranty form from a friend whose son is attending Texas A&M.7. Binding Nature. This Guaranty shall be binding upon and unsure to the benefit of the parties hereto and there respective heirs, legal representatives, successors and assigns...

January 2004 - Did She Really Ask

Posted on January 30, 2009
January 2004 - Did She Really Ask That?From Robert A. Bragalone of Dallas (Cooper & Scully), this excerpt from a deposition he recently attended.Q. And where are - how are you calculating that? How old do you believe Damien was when he was born? We'll start there...

July 1993 - Did She Really Say

Posted on January 29, 2009
July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.

February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom

Posted on January 28, 2009
February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom Thomas G. Sharpe, Jr. of San Antonio (Whetley & Sharpe), this excerpt from his deposition of a defendant regarding the collection of a judgment for Tom's client:Q. First of all, what I'm asking, sir, is what are you going to do to pay this judgment?A...

June 1998 - Timely ObjectionsFrom

Posted on January 27, 2009
June 1998 - Timely ObjectionsFrom Steven C. James of El Paso, this excerpt from a deposition he took in a case involving "the collapse of a huge rock wall being built on a hillside between several El Paso homes." Steven is questioning the defendant builder about the cause of the wall failure...

June 1998 - Tell Us About Your

Posted on January 26, 2009
June 1998 - Tell Us About Your Criminal RecordFrom Bryant W. Scott of Houston, this excerpt from a jury trial before Judge John Compton of Houston (151st District Court). The plaintiff, "an unsavory dressed fellow" suing a mortgage company represented by Bryan, was claiming "priority of his mechanic's and materialmen's lien...

May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton

Posted on January 23, 2009
May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton CollectionFrom Cindy Singleton this excerpt after cleaning out her desk during her last week at the Tarrant County D.A.'s office.Judge: Is the defendant known by any other name?Defense: Do you have an a.k.a?Defendant: Hell Lady, I don't even have a car!

July 2006 - Great Law Firm NamesCarey

Posted on January 22, 2009
July 2006 - Great Law Firm NamesCarey Charles Dippel of Houston (Andrews Kurth) writes that he "was once associated with Sears and Burns. The partners tongue-in-cheek sought to join ____ Hurtz and ____ Hollers so that the name of the new firm would be: "Sears, Burns, Hurtz and Hollers...

June 2007 - Did He Really Ask That?This

Posted on January 21, 2009
June 2007 - Did He Really Ask That?This marvelous contribution is from Mike J. Bowers of Dallas (Bell Nunnally & Martin, L.L.P.) ? who writes, ?It has taken 20 years and countless depositions, but finally I have a deposition excerpt that I hope is worthy of your including in your article in the Texas Bar Journal...

September 2005 - ?Transquips?From

Posted on January 20, 2009
September 2005 - ?Transquips?From Lynn Brooks of DeSoto, who is a certified shorthand reporter:Q. You must have been hurt in some event. What type of injury did you get?A. Finger mashed.Q. Nothing you lost time from work from?A. (Indicating)Q. I?m sorry?A...

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