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Law Humor

Legal Juice

Focuses on the lighter side of the law by highlighting all things humorous about the legal profession, ranging from odd cases and strange court filings to weird laws.
By John Mesirow

Post Frequency: 5.9/day

Last Entry: May 25, 2010 at 02:01:20

So, Do You Really Know What "Mayhem" Means?

Posted on January 07, 2009
I sure didn't. I was reading through the Idaho Code (couldn't sleep - and was almost there when I got to the definition of "mayhem") Every person who unlawfully and maliciously deprives a human being of a member of his body, or disables, disfigures or renders it useless, or cuts out or disables the tongue, puts out an eye, slits the nose, ear or lip, is guilty of mayhem...

A Very Strange Condition For Granting Bail

Posted on January 06, 2009
Just what is the condition imposed by Judge Tom Broadmore for granting bail to Mr. Ben Hana (who was charged with cannabis possession and obscene exposure)? That he wear underwear. For real. Per The Dominion Post, it seems that Mr. Hana is "... well known around Wellington [New Zealand] as Blanket Man...

Pig or Hog? Does It Matter?

Posted on January 05, 2009
Does it really matter if "Pig-pig" is a pig or hog? Turns out it does. As reported by The Tacoma News Tribune: A pig named Pig-pig was at the center of a courtroom drama this spring in Tacoma Municipal Court. The weighty legal question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck? Seriously, the question for the learned legal scholars: Is a pig a hog? The saga began back in 2006 when a Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department inspector told Judson Morris III he was not permitted to keep a hog at his house within the City of Tacoma...

You Drove Drunk Where?

Posted on January 04, 2009
As reported in the Tacoma Washington News-Tribune: In May, a 22-year-old Gig Harbor man spent a night drinking at a tavern with a friend before seeing how fast he could drive his car ? on an airport runway. According to court documents, Jesse Andrew Floberg, who worked at the Tacoma Narrows Airport, used a code to let himself in, drove onto the runway ? and floored it...

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Man Loves Dog

Posted on January 03, 2009
If your dog is looking over your shoulder, be warned that this story may really disturb her. Hell, it really disturbs me. As reported by Kansas station KAKE: Police make an unusual arrest Tuesday evening. A woman in the 3700 block of E. Clark heard someone break into her garage...

Doctor Gets Away With A Wrist Slap For Some Serious Stuff

Posted on January 02, 2009
If you or I ever try to pull the shit that Tennessee doctor Robert E. Grindstaff admitted to doing, fuhgeddaboudit. While he was in the hospital, here's what went down, per The Kingsport Times-News: [from August 3 through September 8] unlicensed personnel at Grindstaff?s Pinecrest Family Practice in Johnson City treated 115 patients by evaluating and questioning them about their needs and calling in refills for prescriptions without consulting a physician...

Why Having Milk Delivered To Your Home Became An Attractive Option

Posted on January 01, 2009
If you fancy a little weed with your milk delivery, you could have had it, for a little while. As reported by The Belfast Telegraph:An OAP milkman supplied cannabis to pensioners to ward off their aches and pains, a court heard today. Robert Holding, 72, delivered the drug - which he kept in an egg box - while doing his daily milk round...

Surely One Of The Most Idiotic Prescription Drug Warnings

Posted on December 31, 2008
People often ask how I find the stories for Legal Juice. I found this one on the back page of the "A" section of yesterday's Washington Post. I was skimming a full-page ad for a new allergy drug called "Xyzal." Ignore, if you can, the idiotic name "Xyzal...

Can't Bite That

Posted on December 30, 2008
Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that's probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his ... What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel: According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night...

Er. Um. Sorry.

Posted on December 29, 2008
Seriously, I thought you were someone else ... As reported by The Arkansas Times: Best reason not to work under your car In August, a Springdale man, angry at his girlfriend, went to the trailer park where she lived, saw her doing some mechanical work under a jacked-up car, kicked the jack away, causing the car to fall, seriously injuring the woman underneath it...

This Former State Department Officer REALLY Dislikes Arabs

Posted on December 28, 2008
As reported in The Huffington Post, Patrick Syring, a former State Department foreign service officer, really, really dislikes Arabs and the Arab American Institute. (He's been indicted for threatening the staff at the Arab American Institute.) Here are a few voice-mails and e-mails: [Voice mail to the Institute:] Hello, I'm Patrick I'm in Arlington VA, and I think James Zogby is worse than Osama bin Laden...

Bungling Burglars

Posted on December 27, 2008
Check out these fellas, as reported by The Arkansas Times: Worst dillweeds Several people were arrested in April and charged in a series of burglaries in the Hillcrest section of west Little Rock after they pawned a digital camera that contained pictures of them displaying and bragging about all the loot they'd stolen, including the camera...

Doctor Used WHAT To Power His Car?

Posted on December 26, 2008
I immediately thought of "Fight Club" when I read this story. As reported by Forbes.com: For a time, Beverly Hills doctor Craig Alan Bittner turned the fat he removed from patients into biodiesel that fueled his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator...

This Is How You Behave At - And After - The Christmas Party?

Posted on December 25, 2008
Englishman Elliot Carnell caught one hell of a break. After drinking 15 pints of beer at a Christmas party, Carnell punched his ex-wife's Sri Lankan boyfriend in the head - 6 times! Oh, and he hit his ex-wife and her daughter when they tried to stop him...

Victim Kills Co-Burglar, And Burglar Gets Life In Prison?

Posted on December 24, 2008
Straight from Judge in the case, as reported by The Palm Beach Post: "This case presents the strangest facts and set of circumstances that I've witnessed in my 28 years as a lawyer," Circuit Judge Jorge Labarga said as he sentenced Dean to life in prison...

They Killed Frosty!

Posted on December 22, 2008
Actually, "Snowzilla" is the real name of the 16-foot snowman in question. Some families in Anchorage, Alaska began building him in 2005. He was a huge hit. Per The Anchorage Daily News: It was just a few years ago that 16-foot-tall Snowzilla arose in a residential yard in Airport Heights, launching an annual procession of local gawkers and an international media blitz...

How Do You Really Punish Noisy Teen Rockers?

Posted on December 21, 2008
Beyond a reasonable doubt, this violates the 8th Amendment's prohibition on cruel and unusual punishment. Seems that Colorado Judge Paul Sacco was tired of seeing the same rockers in his courtroom for noise violations. It was obvious to him that the fines were not a deterrent...

A Police Officer And A Cow?

Posted on December 20, 2008
Yes, you read that correctly. A police officer and a cow. As reported by CBS.com, a Bulington County, New Jersey police officer has been charged with ... ...four counts of animal cruelty after allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006...

Facebook Used For What?

Posted on December 19, 2008
For service of court papers. For real. As reported by the BBC: Mark McCormack, a lawyer in Canberra, persuaded a court to allow him to use the unusual method after other attempts to reach them failed. The couple's home is being repossessed after they reportedly missed payments on a loan of over A$100,000 ($67,000; �44,000)...

You Walked Into A Police Station Doing What? With What?

Posted on December 18, 2008
A 19-year-old New Zealand man named Eptai Taiwhanga, as reported by 3 News ... ...walked into Westport police station drinking alcohol and carrying cannabis resin. Maybe he thought it was a pub? Unsurprisingly, except to him perhaps, he was hit with breaching Westport's liquor ban and possessing a Class B drug...

An Unusual ATM Withdrawal

Posted on December 17, 2008
What was so unusual about this ATM withdrawal in Beaumont, Texas? Well, it wasn't that Mr. Leandro Sanchez made the withdrawal around 3 a.m. It was simply this - he took the entire ATM! From a bank! With a forklift! I guess he didn't think it would set off an alarm...

Honey, Our Child Has Been Kidnapped, Again!

Posted on December 16, 2008
Let's just say you're divorced, and your ex-wife calls to tell you one of your kids is being held for ransom. I think most folks would pay up. Just suppose, though, that your ex-wife called to say that one of your children was again taken hostage, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! For real...

The Judge And The Drunk Driver

Posted on December 16, 2008
Having been charged with OUI (operating under the influence), Jorge Pinto appeared for a Hearing before Judge James McGovern of Bristol County, Massachusetts. The problem? Pinto was drunk - in court! The Judge was tipped off to this, so he ordered a breathalyzer test...

Do Not Toilet Paper This Guy's House

Posted on December 15, 2008
Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com: Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up...

Blagojevich Unfiltered

Posted on December 15, 2008
In case you missed it over the weekend, check out this uncensored Blago post.

Burglarizing A Haunted House?

Posted on December 14, 2008
Seriously, what do you expect when you burglarize a haunted house? That the spirits are just going to let you waltz out the door with their otherworldly possessions? I don't think so. As reported by the AP, out of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: A news report says a burglar who broke into a house claims he was held captive by a "supernatural figure" for three days without food and water...

Uncensored: Blagojevich's F-bombs

Posted on December 13, 2008
Regular readers know one of the Juice's least favorite phrases is "expletive deleted." So, straight from the indictment (with very brief intro's) are the f-bombs uttered by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (and his wife!). On squeezing some money from his authority to appoint President-Elect Obama's replacement in the Senate...

Do The British Hate Christmas?

Posted on December 12, 2008
Sure, it's not a frontal attack on Christmas. Nevertheless, municipalities are chipping away at old St. Nick. As reported by The Telegraph: [crossing guard] Kevin Simpson has decorated his lollipop [crossing sign] each year for Christmas to spread some festive cheer among the children arriving at Berrywood Primary School in Hedge End, Southampton...

Suspended For THIS Facebook Post?

Posted on December 11, 2008
Regular readers know that the Juice is a hardcore free speech advocate. That said, I think most folks would agree with me that Pembroke Pines Principal Peter [damn you for not having a last name beginning with "P" !] Bayer grossly overreacted. As reported by CBS4: On Friday, November 9th, 2007, then high school senior Katherine Evans posted a picture of her Advanced Placement English teacher, Sarah Phelps, on her page and called her "the worst teacher I've ever met...

Hey Honey, Did You Pack Any Liquids, Perishables, Or Sex Toys?

Posted on December 10, 2008
In this post-9/11 world, we ask a lot of airport security personnel ? they are, after all, our first line of defense against airborne terrorist attacks. We expect them to be vigilant watchdogs, keeping their eyes and ears open for signs of anything unusual in our nation?s airports...

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