Law Students

Delightful delicious rage

Posted on November 15, 2009
I had just finished telling my friend Obsquatch how I told a woman who honked her horn at me today that if she did it again, I would "FUCK HER UP." To make me feel better about my ragi-ness, he showed me the video he just made.It fills me with joy. Thank you, Obsquatch...

Dear My Dead Junkie,

Posted on November 06, 2009
Wow. It's that time of year again. Unlike last year, when the anniversary of your death almost escaped me, this year the I've been acutely aware that this day was creeping up. I've been doing a sort of morbid mental countdown. Then today, I got an email from your mom...

Cuz I'm Belize'n On a Jet Plane

Posted on October 29, 2009
yep. that's the title of this post and I'm not apologizing for it. In about an hour, a car is coming to get me to take me to the airport. Then a plane is taking me to Florida. Then another plane is taking me to Belize. Then another teeny tiny little puddle jumper is taking me to this little island in Belize...

My Stolen Lines #7

Posted on October 27, 2009
I think it is worst if you don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing which is going to happen. I wake up. It's any Wednesday. No reason for this Wednesday. I wake up and I hit snooze. I hit snooze twice, actually. Pretty standard. For a Wednesday...

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Stolen Lines #7

Posted on October 15, 2009
I think it is worst if you don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing which is going to happen.For all of you inspirationally challenged writers, here's a new stolen line. This line comes courtesy of the very aweseome and newly employed Butterflyfish...

Smokes

Posted on October 14, 2009
So approximately 3 years and 2 1/2 months ago, I did something awesome. That is, besides start this blog.I quit smoking. Now, I wasn't some half-ass, smoke-when-I-drink, or when-I'm-really-stressed-out smoker. I smoked like it was my job. About a pack and a half...

Dear Whoopi Goldberg,

Posted on October 05, 2009
I understand you've come out full force to defend your fellow famous person ("FFP"), Roman Polanski. Good for you!!! :-) And by "Good for you," I mean, "Shame on you that is so fucked up and don't try to explain it away, because quite frankly you can't explain it away, and any attempt to explain it away is just another horrific and obnoxious slap in the face to sexual assault victims everywhere...

Dear Illinois Bar Takers,

Posted on October 01, 2009
Actually, ALL bar takers:Daisy just reminded me. This is either a really fantastic day for you, or a really fucking shitty day for you. Or, like me, you lost your anonymous exam number and had to sit around freaking out for five more days. Leave a comment...

For lack of any opinions, Here's an update

Posted on September 30, 2009
It's Wednesday.Watching America's Next Top Model- Short People Edition.Tyra Banks is fucking loud.I won my jury trial on Friday. So far, I am 3 for 3.It's almost October. A little over three hours left of September.I fucking hate Fall.Moreover, I don't understand people who say that Fall is their favorite season...

Finally- A Purpose

Posted on September 23, 2009
So, yesterday I was on the train. Just quietly playing Brickbreaker on my stupid fucking phone, thinking about how my life has turned into quite the routine. And how I don't really do anything besides work and the occasional social function. I certainly am not particularly caught up in any political or charitable activities...

Not to be a grammar nazi, but...

Posted on September 19, 2009
does anyone else find this poster fucking annoying? no? Well, I do.

Hi Bloggie!!!

Posted on September 07, 2009
Sorry for the delay in posting. I actually took a little vacation. Went to New York City for the U.S. Open. Learned that I don't hate tennis. Ate a ton of really good food at some totally fucking kick ass restaurants. Drank fantastic wine. Stayed at a ridiculously awesome hotel that I was completely not cool enough to stay at...

My Stolen Lines #6

Posted on August 23, 2009
Me: You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you?Her: Not really, Grace. Me: Well, it's just that I am unable to let go of things. Her: That's tons of people, Gracie. I'm still angry at this fucking bitch I went to high school with who told everyone that I gave a blow job to...

RIP Softball

Posted on August 19, 2009
It looks like my glory was fleeting. I say this now, because I spent the day in the Emergency room, and now can only walk with the assistance of crutches. And crutches are mother fucking hard to walk with! It's bullshit. They make my arms hurt! So the bad news is I can't walk...

Boston Globe Can Suck It But Thanks Boston Globe!

Posted on August 15, 2009
So recently I was asked by two different websites to write for them. It's sort of flattering. I have decided to definitely do one, because I'll only have to write once every other week. The other asked me to provide a sort of sampler platter of what I consider to be the best/least stupid things I've written on this blog...

Stolen Lines #6

Posted on August 13, 2009
"You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"This line comes courtesy of Colby, from Colby in the City, a fantastic blog. She pulled the line from Salaam Paris by Kavita Daswani.The rules: Start your post with the above line. End your post with "I stole the first line of this post from Salaam Paris by Kavita Daswani" And maybe link back to me so people can understand the point of the post...

RIP Ingrid

Posted on August 12, 2009
Oh, Ingrid. You were more than just another hot set of fins to me. We were friends. You were a delightful composite of opposites: At once, both irreverant and devil-may-care, yet always on my case about renter's insurance. Like all of those that came before you, you shall be missed.

Stolen Lines #6

Posted on August 04, 2009
Ok, even I pussed out on the last one. It's been a while. Let's go again. New Stolen Line will be posted on Monday, August 10. I am recommitting. Y'all should too. Now I have to get back to prepping the closing argument for my jury tomorrow. Wish me luck...

Sleazy Defense Attorney

Posted on August 01, 2009
Not too long ago, I'm in my courtroom. I'm having a terrible day. The courtroom is packed, my trial partner and I are...not getting along to put it extremely mildly. The judge is annoyed with everyone. I had already cried twice and almost cried about three more times...

Dear Readers,

Posted on July 30, 2009
There have been a few bloggers lately who have either changed names or taken down their blogs altogether. Some have been open about their new blogs and the reason for the new change. Daisy, for instance wants her blog to be more...family friendly. Some, citing privacy concerns have taken them down altogether, while other anonymous bloggers have reached a point where they don't feel they can say what they want, for fear they will hurt someone's feelings or they could get fired...

Softball

Posted on July 29, 2009
Rather than talk about what I have been trying to talk about for several weeks on this blog, let's talk about my new venture. I. Play. On. The. Office. Softball. Team. Today, I did well. I hit what is called a "Lined Rive" and some guy, as a result of my "Lined Rive" scored a goal...

To All Lawyers Everywhere:

Posted on July 27, 2009
Let's all take a moment and be grateful. Let's raise our collective glasses, and cheers each other. Why?We're not taking the mother fucking bar exam tomorrow. And to all the bartakers? From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all the best of luck. Especially Butterflyfish...

Dear Criminal Defendants,

Posted on July 24, 2009
I know you guys aren't necessarily the smartest bunch, so here's a tip from me to you. When you are in a criminal courthouse, generally, there are a few different kinds of people. There are people wearing black robes. Those are the judges. There are people wearing little blue jackets...

Dear My Darling Psycho-Out-of-Your-Minds, Want-to-Die Bartakers,

Posted on July 23, 2009
So, the bar exam is coming up. You are undoubtedly freaking the fuck out. As I have said before, I have no advice on how to pass the bar exam, as I am likely the dumbest person to have ever passed the fucking thing. A lot of people have asked me to repost this letter that I wrote from back when I took the bar exam...

lame

Posted on July 20, 2009
I can't believe I've only been writing like, once a week lately. I guess there's not a lot going on that's particularly funny or interesting. Today sucked. Like, really sucked. The only good thing that happened was I got like, 10 people thrown in jail...

Magic Vag in The Midwest

Posted on July 13, 2009
So, lately, my ego has been put through the ringer lately. Apparently it?s been a good week for people to inform me, rather matter of factly, that I am sort of an asshole. I?m a bad person, a bad girlfriend, a bad friend, etc? And I feel like I have been just conceding to this...

Dear My Female Friends in Chicago,

Posted on July 06, 2009
Ladies. Stop getting in cabs by yourself. Especially if you've been drinking. Ladies.The next time you are ever inclined to say "Oh my god, Kristi is SOOO wasted!! Let's just put her in a cab and send her drunk ass home." Think twice. You are putting a woman, ostensibly, YOUR FRIEND in a situation where no one can protect her...

Happy Pride, Chicago!

Posted on June 28, 2009

Unimportant Things That Make Me Happy- A Meme

Posted on June 20, 2009
I saw this meme over at Hot Sauce Redemption, a truly fantastic blog. I love the writing. And I love the name. And I love that she called me a quesadilla. Normally, I don't do memes. Especially happy ones, because I am such a naturally miserable, negative and toxic person, but since today is the most perfect day ever, and it's summer and it's Saturday and it's not raining, and I am going to see fantastic live theatre tonight, and there's a good chance there will be lobster bisque before the live theatre and I just got a manicure and pedicure, I'm just going to go ahead and think happy thoughts...

"This Won't End Well..."

Posted on June 20, 2009
You look into his/her eyes and you tell him/her that. It's the same warning you've given a hundred times. A thousand times. You've been right every. single. fucking. time. Being right is starting not to matter one. fucking. bit. This is how it goes:You smile at each other, eyelids getting heavy...

To All Bartakers Everywhere Who Are Reading This Blog:

Posted on June 16, 2009
Calm the FUCK DOWN. Did you hear me? I'll say it again. Calm the FUCK DOWN. And maybe one final time... CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Ok? Here's how I know a decent number of you are freaking out. In case you don't know, Sitemeter is this little tool that tells me who comes to my blog, and how they find my blog...

My Stolen Lines #5

Posted on June 15, 2009
Tell me, have you ever thought of changing your life? In the interest of being the biggger person, I am removing my stolen lines. However, it should be noted that a removal is not necessarily a retraction. I can come up with something better anyway.

My Stolen Lines #5

Posted on June 14, 2009
Tell me... have you ever thought...of changing your life?*Of course I have. Just not in the way YOU wish I would. Just not in the way that would make YOUR life more manageable. Not in the way that would make YOU sleep better at night.**You would always lightly chastise me not to be so hard on myself...

Pause

Posted on June 09, 2009
Rather than feel badly about not posting, I'm just announcing I'll be back in a few days. In the meantime, write your Stolen Lines. Or watch this. I am... life-raft searching...

Stolen Lines #5

Posted on June 02, 2009
Tell me... have you ever thought...of changing your life?Hopefully this line is more inspiring. The rules: Start your post with the above line. End your post with "I stole the first line of this post from the play, Betrayal by Harold Pinter" And maybe link back to me so people can understand the point of the post...

Dear Little Girl Who Lives Below Me,

Posted on May 31, 2009
I heard you and your family outside in the backyard today. I was stuck on my couch all day feeling like shit. I lifted my head long enough to peek out my window into the back yard we share. You all were out there. Having a little family barbecue. Your mom and dad were sitting at the table together...

Meet Ingrid:

Posted on May 28, 2009
I know what you all are thinking. I have a history. I can't handle another fish. It hasn't been that long since I lost Beth. But I can do it. I am ready to love again. Ingrid is gentle. There's a quiet wisdom in her fins, yet, a fierce tenacity. I think we can be happy together.

Stolen Lines #5

Posted on May 25, 2009
OK, so the last one didn't go so well. Most people told me they didn't like the line. I'll post a much better line Monday June 1st. And hopefully, people will like it better. Because it's only cool and fun when people participate. Sorry it's been dead around the blog lately...

List

Posted on May 17, 2009
1. Today I am doing one of my very favorite things. I am sitting in my backyard with my asshole dog. I'm wearing a long flowy summer skirt, a tank top, flipflops and sunglasses. I'm drinking a glass of white wine and I've got my laptop. I just bought some flowers for my deck...

I'm Bored

Posted on May 09, 2009
Someone IM me. AIM: lawwithgraceGChat: Lawwithgrace@gmail.com

My Stolen Lines #4

Posted on May 09, 2009
Feeling both empowered and terrified as I drove into work, I looked up at the sky and started talking.My name is Grace Law. FUCKFUCKFUCK. I can?t even get out the beginning lines without fucking up. Ok. Slow down. Start again. MayitpleasetheCourt, MayitpleasetheCourt, Mayitpleasethecourt...

Sigh... Public Defenders Come Up With The Neatest Stuff!

Posted on May 06, 2009
So, the other day I'm in a courtroom that I'm not usually in. Basically, it's a courtroom for defendants who fuck up the terms of their sentence. Sometimes, it's entertaining. Sometimes it's very sad. Sometimes, it's just annoying. This is one of those days...

What to Do.

Posted on May 02, 2009
I have so many things to write about, and absolutely no time lately, so this is going to be messy. Actually, no it's not. I'll stick to this one topic and then write more tomorrow. So, a couple of people have suggested to me that I should file a civil suit against the cabdriver...

Stolen Lines #4

Posted on April 28, 2009
Feeling both empowered and terrified as I drove into work, I looked up at the sky and started talking.The rules: Start your post with the above line. End your post with "I stole the first line of this post from Stay Tuned, by Jenniffer Weigel" And maybe link back to me so people can understand the point of the post...

Stolen Lines # 4 Announcement and a Very Important Question

Posted on April 21, 2009
I'll post the next Stolen Line on Monday, April 27th. In the meantime, here's a very important question...If a judge has a booger, are you supposed to tell her/him?

I Have Protected Myself. From Myself.

Posted on April 12, 2009
I may have had 5 glasses of wine too many yesterday. Then, I thought it was a good idea to password protect my Blackberry. I remember picking a very creative password. One that I hadn't used for anything else. Then I fell asleep. Suffice it to say, I can't remember my very creative password.

Fun With In Court Identifications

Posted on April 08, 2009
Grace: Do you see that person in this courtroom today?Witness: Yes.Grace: Can you please point her out and describe an article of clothing that she's wearing?Witness: Sure. Black hair, blue jeans, see-through top.Grace: (cough cough) let the record reflect (cough cough) the in court identification of the defendant?Judge: (cough cough) record shall so reflect.

The Dog & Me: A Dialogue: Part VI

Posted on April 05, 2009
Me: Why did you have to eat my entire bag of almonds? It's like the one food I am currently able to eat! Dog: Because if I eat the one food you are currently able to eat, maybe you will die sooner. Why do you ask questions with such obvious answers, Skank?Me: You don't even LIKE almonds...

Victim Impact Statement

Posted on April 04, 2009
When a person is found guilty of a violent crime in the state of Illinois, the victim (or the victim's family member) is given the opportunity to submit a victim impact statement. The statement must be written in conjunction with the State's Attorney's Office, and must be given in advance to the state's attorneys, and may be considered in the aggravation/mitigation portion of the sentencing proceedings...

Dear Ridiculous Gossipy Bitches,

Posted on March 29, 2009
Now, normally, I don't get uptight when I hear gossip about me. I hate it, but I understand that people do, in fact, talk. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed though. I know you are still in law school, and as anyone who has been to law school can attest to, law school is the same as junior high school, but with booze...

My Stolen Lines #3

Posted on March 22, 2009
There's something that I've been thinking about and wondering about and I'm very curious: am I the only one who knows?No, honey. Everyone knows. Well, most people know. Clearly not everyone.No, but everyone should. But don't forget, there are exceptions...

A Holiday I don't Hate

Posted on March 20, 2009
So, if you've been reading my blog for a while, or you know me personally, you know I fucking hate the holidays. Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentines Day, St. Paddy's, Mardi Gras, my birthday, Halloween... whatever. I hate them all. they make me sad...

Dear White, Male, Private Criminal Defense Attorneys Over Fifty,

Posted on March 19, 2009
This "Lady-Lawyer" has some suggestions for you. As always, in no particular order...1. When you see me walk into my courtroom before the morning call has started, and I am carrying a HUGE box of case files, and I haven't even had a chance to put them down, don't come up to me to discuss the unique and particular needs of your client...

Stolen Lines #3

Posted on March 18, 2009
There's something that I've been thinking about and wondering about and I'm very curious: am I the only one who knows?The rules: Start your post with the above line. End your post with "I stole the first line of this post from Then We Came To The End, by Joshua Ferris" And maybe link back to me so people can understand the point of the post...

The Ides of March. My Birthday

Posted on March 15, 2009
Is today. I'm generally not a birthday person, because I think the wrong person gets celebrated. I didn't shoot something the size of a waterman out of something the size of a kiwi. My mom did. Thanks Mama Grace. I supposed I deserve some credit for STAYING alive, which I have managed to do...

Stolen Lines #3 Coming Soon

Posted on March 15, 2009
Stolen Lines #3. I'll post the new line on Wednesday March 18. And thanks for all the sweet birthday wishes. Does someone wanna call either of my fucking parents and remind them it's their daughter's fucking birthday?Ok. Stolen Lines. Wednesday. That's all.

Dearest Lilly Valencia,

Posted on March 11, 2009
I was really sad after our IM conversation. I love you. And I am very sorry. I woke up this morning thinking about you, and I thought about you more as I walked to the el.And then I saw this a few blocks down. And I knew you still loved me. Kisses,Holli Seattle

By Order of Court

Posted on March 04, 2009

A 4AM rant. Totally Not Worth Reading.

Posted on March 03, 2009

Dear Loud Talkers,

Posted on March 02, 2009

A Win

Posted on February 23, 2009
All day long, I have been working my ass off, trying to figure out my new assignment, trying to field phone calls from angry and hurt people in my personal and professional life. I have been trying to adjust to sticking with the most ridiculous life choice I ever made: I gave up meat, dairy, and caffeine...

Yesterday

Posted on February 21, 2009
I knew it would happen eventually. I just didn't think it would happen so soon. SO SOON. Less than one month. I'm in my brand new courtroom. It's a busy morning call. Defense attorneys are interrupting me, shoving files in my hand and asking for plea deals...

Dear Bean Salad From Soprafina,

Posted on February 18, 2009
You suck. A lot. Sincerely, Grace

My Stolen Lines #2

Posted on February 15, 2009
"Ghosts definitely live here," I say. I take one last drunken drag off of a Marlboro light and put it out. I lean back against the wall, and survey the empty living room. Then I survey her. Sweaty and luminous. She absentmindedly plays with my long thin fingers with her own long, thin fingers...

Updates and Thanks

Posted on February 09, 2009
Wow. Just so you all know, I keep on reading over the comments from my last post. Thanks, well... to almost all of you. First off, to the anonymous poster who said I should have told him I was a dyke, and maybe the cab driver would have left me alone: I know you meant that to somehow hurt me, or offend me, but you didn't...

Stolen Lines #2

Posted on February 09, 2009
"Ghosts definitely live here," I say. The rules: Start your post with the above line. End your post with "I stole the first line of this post from You'll Never Eat Lunch in This town Again, by Julia Phillips" And maybe link back to me so people can understand the point of the post...

Stolen Lines #2 Date

Posted on February 05, 2009
It was pretty fun the first time around. Let's do it again. I'll post the next stolen line on Monday, February 9th. I really hope people get into it again. If you're new and want to know what the fuck "Stolen Lines" is all about, read here. Just do it...

This is Not Going to Be A Funny Post. Unless You're an Asshole.

Posted on January 31, 2009
The cat picture is just for cuteness. It's not even that cute. Actually it's kinda gross. And I bet the cat fucking hates it. This week was a big week for me. I've alluded many times to "that one thing" that's happening soon, but I couldn't talk about what it was...

RIP Beth

Posted on January 21, 2009
You weren't just another fish to me. You were special. Mostly because you lived longer than a day. I'll miss your sassy ways. I'm planning a very elaborate memorial for you. You'll just have to trust me on that. You are totally in fish heaven, Little Lady...

Getting Close to the Last Page of a Bad Chapter

Posted on January 18, 2009
So, for those of you who have read my blog for awhile, you know that there's "this thing" that I can't talk about. Actually, technically, I CAN talk about it. I can talk about whatever the hell I want. I guess I mean, I don't, or won't, talk about it...

Why

Posted on January 15, 2009
Tonight in Chicago, it's -11 degrees. We've all known for a few days that Thursday was going to be the coldest day that Chicago has seen in over 8 years. I, personally, have been terrified of today. I don't handle the cold well. However, I have so much other shit going on in my life that I have tried to block out the truly terrifying...

RE: Stolen Lines

Posted on January 13, 2009
I am so glad that people are into it. I totally am thrilled. I want to take a moment and reiterate... there IS NO DEADLINE. I don't know where you got that idea! Write whenever you like! Just let me know if and when you post and I will let the Law With Grace readers know.

Dear "Dude" on the Brown Line,

Posted on January 12, 2009
I didn't take your picture on the el, because, well... you weren't talking on your cell phone loudly, or talking to someone else on the train loudly, or masturbating, or crying, or muttering, or anything else that would actually warrant a picture. But what you were doing was something that I, and perhaps I alone caught, and I was mortified on your behalf...

My Stolen Lines #1

Posted on January 09, 2009
I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway. "He wrote Breakfast at Tiffany's, right?" "No, Dear. that was Truman Capote." "Oh. Right. He's the In Cold Blood guy. Of course." "No, Dear, that was also Capote." "Oh...

Stolen Lines #1

Posted on January 05, 2009
"I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway." Update: And the Artful Blogger's is up. OK. So I've slightly altered the plan. Originally, I thought the title of the book should be the blog post title, but that might confuse people into thinking that what we write is actually an excerpt from the book...

To Person Who Found My Blog By Googling "Define Clam Jouster"

Posted on December 31, 2008
It's a derogatory yet hilarious term for lesbian. For example, at a lesbian bar, one woman might say to another, "I find you very attractive. Do you wish to joust with my clam?" Hope that helps. Happy New Year.

Awesome

Posted on December 31, 2008
Yay. Enough people are interested in the same line blogging thing so we're doing it. On Monday, January 5, I'll post the name of the book or article, which should be the title of the post, and a line from the book or article, which should be everyone's first line...

Dear My Fellow Bloggers,

Posted on December 29, 2008
I have an idea. An experiment. It might be stupid, but it might be kind of cool. I spoke with a couple of people already, and they seemed to be leaning toward the cool side. So here goes:We pick a day. And on that day, I pick up a book or newspaper article, and the title of that book or newspaper article will be the title of everyone's blog post...

Grace's How to Guide for Getting Through the Holidays

Posted on December 24, 2008
1. Don't drink too much.2. Definitely drink enough. 3. If someone starts crying, ignore them. If that doesn't work, ask them if they wouldn't mind getting something out of your car, and then lock them out of the house. Christmas is tough. No cryin4...

Squid's Away Message: Flossin' a Benz on rims that isn't stolen...

Posted on December 23, 2008
2:50 PM Grace: what the fuck does that MEAN?2:51 PM Squid: so much2:51 PM Grace: whatever you're too cool for me. i don't care2:52 PM Squid: it's a line from Tupac's "Picture me Rollin" Grace: hmm.Squid: and it means he actually has the money to buy rims for his benz, he is not just fronting like he has money, driving on stolen ones it all makes perfect sense2:53 PM Grace: that's like, the last thing to brag about...

Public Service Announcement

Posted on December 21, 2008
My phone is dead. Very Very dead. I hate it. And I am glad it's dead. It deserves death. It deserves worse than death. I am hoping, that if and when Verizon is able to retrieve my contacts from the phone, they will let me torture the phone a bit. By throwing it, jumping up and down on it, and then setting it on fire...

Experiment

Posted on December 21, 2008
So, I don't know why we decided to do this, and I don't know what we will really gain by doing this, and most of all, as midnight approaches, I don't know that I can even do it...but here's the plan.br /br /Squid and I, over drinks last week (duh.. who would decide this sober), decided that Monday would be our technology free day...

And The Weather, by Weather Girl Grace...

Posted on December 16, 2008
It's cold.It's "your toes are going to be wet and numb all day" cold.It's "be scared to drive" cold.It's "what the fuck were you thinking moving back to Chicago from glorious Los Angeles?" cold. It's "why even bother?" cold.It's "you're going to die, cold, broke and alone" cold...

Christmas Sucks a Little Less When...

Posted on December 14, 2008

And Seasons Greetings To You, Too! Idiot.

Posted on December 12, 2008

Live blogging the The Amtrak Wolverine

Posted on December 08, 2008
12:10 So far so good. I took a half day today. I brought my luggage with me, and am now on my way to visit the agent and her wife in Detroit. Normally, I would drive, but at the last minute I decided to give the train a shot. It's shit ass cold, so I took a cab from the courthouse to Union Station...

Yay December! Criminals Suck!

Posted on December 02, 2008
Last night after work, Squid, Dirty Hippie, and I went to a little place near the office for a glass of wine. We go to this place fairly frequently, and are on a first name basis with the bartender. The usual patrons of the bar are either lawyers or judges who work in the nearby courthouse, or well-dressed theatre patrons on their way to see Wicked, or a Christmas Carol...

Thanksgiving: The Aftermath: A Big Fat Play.

Posted on November 28, 2008
Phone RingsGrace: Hello?Grandma: Hi Gracie, Honey.Grace: Hi Grandma! It was so great to see you yesterday.Grandma: Oh, Grace, honey, you too...Listen, I feel terrible for what I said to you yesterday. You know I think you look more beautiful than you've ever looked before...

I Guess This Means I Have to Forgive Her, Right?

Posted on November 26, 2008
"Dear Grace,You are the child who was always positive, fun, delightful to be around, willing to do and try anything. You are the child who brought great joy to me and your father. You are the child who accomplished great things. You have been throughout your life a great source of pride for me as your mother...

Protecting the Sanctity of Marriage-

Posted on November 20, 2008
See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Cheating

Posted on November 20, 2008
Dear Metra,It's been a few months now. A few great months. No complaints. You've been steady, and precise, and reliable. Every time, you get me where I need to be. Right on schedule. I want us always to be honest with each other, and so I have something I must tell you...

Happy Floating Holiday!!

Posted on November 17, 2008
In case you are new to my blog, you should know that I HATE holidays. They are designed to torture me. And I realy can't emphasize this enough. However, this one called Grace's Floating Holiday, is truly delightful! So far, I have slept in, drank the traditional Floating Holiday Diet Coke, and had some traditional Rule 23 Tacos...

Dear Ferrero Rocher Assholes,

Posted on November 17, 2008
Every year, you are consistently on my "Why I Hate The Holidays" list. Here's why:Have any of you people ever had dogs as pets? You have? Ok good. That's a start. So, you know when someone knocks on your door or rings your doorbell? What does your dog do? Your dog BARKS...

Veterans Day

Posted on November 10, 2008
Today is Veteran's Day, and I want to take a moment and thank my favorite veteran for her service in the armed forces. Army Girl, as she's called on this blog, was (duh) in the Army for like 12 years. She did a bunch of amazing stuff. She travelled to amazing places, and fought for this country with bravery and patriotism, and a genuine desire to make the world a safer place...

Dear My Dead Junkie,

Posted on November 06, 2008
Hi.Um. I miss you. A lot.Today was a great day. I went to the the Artful Blogger's and Daisy's ceremony where they, along with 1,700 other people were admitted to the Illinois Bar. I was really proud.So...you're dead.Today, after the swearing in ceremony, Artful and his sister-in-law and I went to a little restaurant over by his condo...

Happy Election Day

Posted on November 04, 2008
GO BARACK. GO ANITA.-Wayward Esquire, watch your back..

Clearly, I have Ebola.

Posted on October 28, 2008
I woke up this morning feeling like death. My throat hurts, my head hurts, my skin hurts, my FUCKING HAIR hurts. I have a fever, and i kinda wish i would just die. I took a sick day today which makes me nuts. I hate wasting sick days on actually being sick...

Dear Worst Phone in the History of Life,

Posted on October 26, 2008
Seriously. Go fuck yourself. I hate you. I AM OVER YOU. I should have listened to my friends who told me "Dude, your phone sucks." I STUCK UP FOR YOU!!!! Now, all I want to do is call my mom, and then Army Girl. What the hell? But no. It's way more important for you to "synch up"? Synch up with WHAT?? I never installed the stupid software onto my computer, because it seemed too hard and not important...

Grace's Regret #45435463

Posted on October 22, 2008
When I was 18, and a freshman in undergrad, I went on a roadtrip with my boyfriend and two of our friends. We were all in a very competitive program in college and every semester we had to basically re-audition to stay in the program. We had just gone through this process and passed, but our class had essentially been cut in half...

Pumpkin Shanking

Posted on October 21, 2008
I was invited to THREE pumkin carving parties this Halloween. Of course I find this particularly hilarious, because I hate all holidays, and Halloween is no exception. However, I had fun at the one I ended up going to. And I carved a fucking KICK ASS pumpkin, and no, I TOTALLY don't care that I carved it using a template...

Lucky

Posted on October 13, 2008
First of all, thanks for everyone's responses in my previous post. I feel smarter! I'll post more about that later today or tomorrow. Now I want to vent a little. You know what I hate? When people say dumb shit. Admittedly, I do this more than anyone...

Dear Law With Grace Readers,

Posted on October 09, 2008
I've been meaning to take advantage of your anonymous knowledge for some time. Here's the deal. There are things I need to know. There are things I'd like to know. There are things I'm just curious about. I KNOW some of you know the answers. So TELL ME! Obviously, you don't have to answer all of the questions...

The Dog & Me- A Dialogue Part V

Posted on October 05, 2008
Me: We need to talk.Dog: What are you doing here? I thought you died!Me: Um. No, I didn't die. Dog: Yes. Yes, you died. I remember it vividly. I pooped on your corpse. I'm sure of it! It was SWEET. Me: No. I'm alive. You didn't poop on my corpse...

I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me But...

Posted on September 28, 2008
I CANNOT STOP WATCHING THIS VIDEO AND LAUGHING!-I seriously don't know what my problem is. I giggle just thinking about it. And in case you're thinking about NOT watching the whole thing, near the end, the dude has a dance solo. No. He really does.

Dear Ron Huberman,

Posted on September 23, 2008
When I saw you on the Redline a few weeks ago, I was dazzled. There you were, the President of the CTA riding the Redline, and being totally, unspeakably, ridiculously gorgeous.I have to admit, I didn't know who you were at first. I just thought you were some random, really really well dressed guy without a wedding ring on...

Sarah Palin Isn't So Bad

Posted on September 22, 2008
Just kidding. She's a fucking trainwreck and she IS that bad and yes, I hate her. Ok. Hate is a little strong of a word. It's more like...well...hmm...no, it's pretty much hate.I know that me blasting Palin is a little...well...obvious, so I'll try and keep this brief...

Spiders, Apartments, and Dating Grace: An Update

Posted on September 16, 2008
Blogging two days in a row. I know.So. The spider... is...dead. It took an entire can of hairspray, half a can of carpet stain remover, my landlord screaming like a little girl, and a boot. But it's dead. There was some question as to the size of the spider...

Spotlight on Daisy

Posted on September 15, 2008
Daisy, from the always charming Legally Blonde Ambition, and I, in an effort to cure our respective writer's blocks, decided to interview each other. She asked me some questions, and I asked her some questions. Here's what she had to say:1. Grace: When & why did you start blogging?Daisy: I have a private blog with my best friends from college...

This Spider Wants To Kill Me.

Posted on September 09, 2008
And he won't let me use my door. And he almost made the cable guy cry. And I sprayed it with hairspray, Windex, and Pledge. Nothing worked. I hate my new place. .

All Moved In.

Posted on September 07, 2008
It's a really fucking beautiful day. I spent most of the day watching football on the couch, and playing around on the internet, (YES I HAVE INTERNET IN MY HOUSE AGAIN! FUCKIN' A, YAY YAY YAY!) and now I am in my new back yard sitting on the nice patio furniture writing this blog and sipping a glass of pinot grigio...

The Dog and Me- A Dialogue Part IV

Posted on September 02, 2008
Dog: What the FUCK is with all the boxes?Me: I was waiting for the right time to tell you. We're moving. Dog: "WE'RE" moving? I don't recall having much of a say in this. Me: Well, I know. But I don't have a choice. I couldn't get a mortgage. Dog: Because you're a complete loser...

Dating Grace

Posted on August 26, 2008
So, in my continuing effort to be a more social person, I am going on a date tonight. I've decided that I am going to go on more of these. Not necessarily with the person who asked me tonight. That's still up in the air. We'll see how it goes.I think this will accomplish several things...

Re-Post

Posted on August 22, 2008
Because I'm lazy, I'm blatantly ripping off Daisy and Anonymous Hottie by reposting law school 1L advice that I wrote last year.Dear Incoming 1L's, As your first day of law school draws near, I thought I'd put together a little list of helpful advice...

I'm Feeling Nothing

Posted on August 18, 2008
"...and he said nothing, could get a girl transferred!They all felt something, but I felt nothing.Except the feeling that this bullshit was absurd."Bonus points for anyone who picks up on this classic musical theatre reference.But, no seriously. Nothing...

Long time No Blog

Posted on August 07, 2008
I HATE when I get into a thing where I don't write for several weeks. It's so much harder to start back up. Usually when I stop writing, it's because A. I'm traveling, or B. I'm sad, and feeling not funny. This time, I've actually got a decent excuse...

NuvaRing COMING OUT everywhere!

Posted on July 24, 2008
So, I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, because quite frankly, I don't know if anyone on the planet watches as much TV as I do. And even so, most people have Tivo and don't watch commercials anymore. I actually have Tivo, and am just so used to commercials I forget that I don't have to watch them...

It's Still Not Exactly Bar Exam "Advice" but...

Posted on July 23, 2008
I can't believe that one year ago was the night before I took that fucking thing. Again, since I have NO idea how I passed, I don't feel like I am in any position to give advice, but since people are finding my blog by Googling things like:"bar exam" & "want to die""bar exam" & "freaking out""fucking bar exam""bar exam" & "can't stop crying""I hate the bar exam"I feel I should mention something...

Wow!

Posted on July 15, 2008
I feel so loved! No. Seriously. I do. My blog was set to "private" for, like 5 days, and I got text messages, phone calls, facebook messages, emails, etc... my favorite one by far coming from VCUGirl where she wrote"Oh my god. Your blog is invited readers only, now? I'm devastated...

however...

Posted on July 03, 2008
In my continuing attempt to not have a nervous breakdown, I am on my way to a fun party with Ms. Lilly Valencia at a yacht club. More importantly, I am posting this entry from my cool new phone. Cool new phones are very important when being homeless.

In Case Anyone Was Worried That My Life Was Getting Too Good:

Posted on July 03, 2008
Have no fear.Last year, I tried to buy a condo. The deal fell through because I didn't have a job. Only a job offer, and no one wanted to give me a mortgage.Well, the company wanted to sell me the condo anyway, figuring that once I pass the bar, and start my job with the government, I'll have no trouble getting a mortgage...

Happy Pride, Chicago!

Posted on June 27, 2008
Last year, I spent my Pride weekend with Richard Conviser. This year, not so much. It's going to be an awesome weekend. -

Loud Talker On The Red Line #8

Posted on June 26, 2008
Cheesy Arm Tattoos? Check.Monotone repetitive use of the word "Right"? CheckNamedropping obscure band names? Check.Meet the Indie Rock Band Loud Talker! ("IRBLT")Oh, I love him! He's just so... eccentric. And so smart about, like, garage bands. And music fests...

Bar Exam Advice

Posted on June 24, 2008
So, the bar exam is coming up. I know this because people keep on googling "Bar Exam Advice" I also know it because a couple of my favorite bloggers, Daisy and Anonymous Hottie, are getting ready to take it.I have no advice. I have absolutely NO clue how I passed the bar...

Facebook- Am I retarded?

Posted on June 24, 2008
Actually don't answer that. I know I'm retarded. My dog tells me that every day. So, I just now signed up for Facebook. Well, that's not exactly true. My alter ego "Grace Law" has had a facebook account for quite some time, but it's not really fun because "Grace Law" doesn't exist...

Barcelona Bites and My Attempt at Being Positive

Posted on June 17, 2008
This is not going to be a great summer. I'm just going to say that right now. It's going to suck. This summer is going to suck because of one day in July that I am 100% certain will be one of the worst days of my life. And I can't get out of it. Or control it...

Things NOT to "experiment" with, while drunk:

Posted on June 16, 2008
Self Tanner.-

Yet Another Reason Working Out Sucks

Posted on June 10, 2008
I only brought one shoe to the gym today. I have no idea how this happened. Anyway, I decided that since I already went all the way down to the gym, I should probably get a workout in, and I had my swimsuit with me, so I figured I'd swim laps. Now in order for a girl to put a swimsuit on, she needs to remove all her clothes...

Before we get all "Woo Hoo!! Ellen Can Marry Portia"...

Posted on June 10, 2008
A few states recognizing gay marriages says something good about the state of LGBT rights, certainly.This, however, says something very very bad. You cannot read the opinion and not feel sick about how gays are treated in this country. Or maybe you can and you're a douchebag...

Loud Talker on the Red Line #7

Posted on May 28, 2008
OK. I sorta thought that maybe I'd grown past these sort of posts. That maybe my blog should be slightly more dignified or something like that. Ok. Actually that never crossed my mind. However, I did start to think the Loud Talker posts were a thing of the past...

Soundtrack to my Life

Posted on May 25, 2008
VCU Girl brought up an interesting idea. VCU Girl is also on my shit list because she just sang the freecreditreport.com theme song to me and I can't fucking get it out of my head.Anyway, back to VCU Girl's interesting idea. What would the soundtrack to my life be? So I decided I'd try to come up with exactly what that would be...

HOCKEY! It's so awesome that I...

Posted on May 25, 2008
ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzcan't stay awake to finish that thought.It's a good thing Detroit is winning though. I mean, the Stanley Cup is all about whoever says the most retarded things in front of a microphone wins, right?"I love to score goals," Mikael Samuelsson said...

WOAH. Wait. Wendy...

Posted on May 20, 2008
is short for GWENDOLYN??Is this common knowledge? I mean, it makes sense. But I had no idea. It's just this kind of shit that makes me feel like such an idiot. Seriously. Does everyone know this? I'm floored.

So....

Posted on May 19, 2008
I lost a case today. Well. Sorta. I can't go into it. I have something going on that I really wish I could blog about. But I can't. At least not for about 9 more weeks. Then I still don't know if I can or will. But for those of you who know me, IT might be over soon...

Oh, and also...

Posted on May 07, 2008
I need a new book....I am taking recommendations. Just don't recommend Devel in the White City. Because I don't like it. ----------------I'm a little bored.

Grace Gets a Physical

Posted on May 07, 2008
I eat red meat at least 3 times a week.I smoked more than a pack of cigarettes every day for over ten years. (admittedly I quit almost two years ago)I drink like a frat boy.My medicine cabinet makes Judy Garland's medicine cabinet look like the snack cooler at a little league game...

What I Want in a Life Partner

Posted on May 07, 2008
Nigel Barker + Tone Loc + Courtney Thorne SmithThat's all.I never get what I want.=

My Dating History and Ikea Art

Posted on April 28, 2008
I've lived with two people. Well, not true. I've had a million roommates at different points of my life. But I've lived with two. And I was deeply in love with both of them. The first one, the Actor, and I met in undergrad in Cincinnati. Together we moved from Cincinnati to Los Angeles...

Is it just me?

Posted on April 25, 2008
-Wouldn't it be awesome to have Tone Loc read you a bedtime story?-

I LOVE BASEBALL SO MUCH

Posted on April 21, 2008
OK. That's not exactly true. In fact, I really fucking hate baseball. Sorry, everybody. I know that I'll probably get a bunch of bitchy comments about how that's just Un-American, and baseball is the "thinking man's game" and baseball has a tradition of bringing families together, and it's one of the few remaining sports that the average guy can afford a ticket to, well BLAH BLAH BLAH...

Dear Creators of the "TwoDaLoo"

Posted on April 12, 2008
I've been told I'm a commitment-phobe.That I'm elusive.That I need more privacy than normal people do.I'm not Boo Fucking Radley, but I can't say these characterizations are all that off.I'm working on it, though.However, after seeing THIS, I am pretty much guaranteeing I will be be doubling up on the therapy sessions...

Tagged

Posted on April 10, 2008
I've been tagged by the glorious Fannie. Figures she'd tag me with something book-related. She's smart.Here are the rules:1. Pick up the nearest book of 123 (or more) pages.Night of the Avenging Blowfish, by John Welter2. Open the book to page 123 and find the 5th sentence...

Negotiating 101

Posted on April 08, 2008
Time: 12:30Place: Vicinity of the courthouse. Grace is walking back from the salad bar.Homeless Guy: Hey! Girl! Wanna make a baby with me?Grace: No, thanks.Homeless Guy: Well, then, can I have your lunch?Grace: You can have my roll.Homeless Guy: Can I have your roll and your soda?Grace: Um...

Oy. This whole posting every day

Posted on April 03, 2008
Oy. This whole posting every day thing is daunting. I quit. It takes the irreverence out of blogging. I'll blog when I like. Speaking of irreverence. I had a really bad day of public transportation yesterday. First, the bus driver asked me out. His name is Lee...

Skirt Fucking And Why I'm a Fucking Loser

Posted on April 01, 2008
What are the two most commonly googled phrases that lead people to my blog?1. Skirt Fucking2. Why I'm a Fucking loserI know. Kinda weak way to start the month-long blogging every day thing, but I find it fascinating that SO many people find my blog like this...

Update

Posted on March 31, 2008
I hate when I go so long without writing on the blog. It's just that much harder to go back and start writing again. So this is just a post to get me writing again. Because I really miss it. But this post will not be funny. Or interesting. HOWEVER.I am making a goal...

Embarrassing

Posted on March 21, 2008
"Hello Grace!We've noticed that you've not been active on WriteAPrisoner.com Forum for quite some time now, and we miss you! Could we not tempt you back?We hope to see you soonKindest RegardsWriteAPrisoner.com Forum"

In My Pants: How Not to Get There

Posted on March 20, 2008
So a couple of weeks ago, I was in D.C. for the SLDN Annual fundraising dinner. It's a snappy black tie thingy and I got to go with Army Girl, and got to wear an awesome dress. More on the dinner in another post. (Yeah VCUGirl, be scared.)Anyway, the afternoon of the dinner, Army Girl and I were at the nail salon getting manis & pedis...

Birthday Blog Post

Posted on March 15, 2008
It's my birthday. I'm in Los Angeles. Last week I was in D.C. I have so much to write about, but it will just have to wait. I'm on my way to my birthday party. And I am REALLY fucking old. The end.

My Hair Part II: The Aftermath

Posted on March 04, 2008
Here are some of the things people have been saying about my hair:- It's...really blonde!- It's...really short!- What did you do to your hair?- It's not bad...in the back.- It would be fine if you weren't so pale.- What part isn't highlighted?- It's not as bad as you think it is...

My Hair

Posted on March 02, 2008
I used to have long blonde pretty hair.That changed yesterday.If you want to see what I look like now, please click here.-

Mark The Carpet Man Strikes Again! This Time I Respond.

Posted on February 21, 2008
"Hi Grace! My name is Mark from the near north suburb of Chicago in Des Plaines. You are a Goddess and I?m hoping you would be willing to help me on this very unique fun wild opportunity :) You seem really cool. I hope you might consider.. Please let me know what you think?I am seeking a lady or a group of ladies ages 18-65, willing to literally walk, stand dance, jump on me above the waist for fun or for pics for my Myspace webpage ?Chitown Trample...

Doing My Part For National Security

Posted on February 19, 2008
I am sooo nervous for our country! I just read that the United States military is "stretched dangerously thin!"OMG! WTF!! We're, like, running out of soldiers! Where...can....we...get...more...soldiers? Hmm... Thinking...thinking...THINKING...Whew!! Don't worry...

Shannon Carlson- You need a new job, Baby.

Posted on February 18, 2008
Another really bad commerical, thanks to U.S. Cellular."When I went off to college, it was really sad, because my dad was illiterate, and didn't know how to pay his bills. So I pawned him off on Shannon Carlson, who works for minimum wage at US Cellular to take care of his finances so I dont have to feel guilty about running off to keggers at the frat houses! Now, Shannon is saddled with the responsibilites of having a retard for a dad!"1...

Post Meme

Posted on February 13, 2008
OK. Every once in a while, memes are fun. If you don't think so. Don't read. No one's making you.This one's from the lovely and talented Silly Little Law Student.Here are the rules: Post about the meme and link back to the person who tagged you and go back to your archives and link to your five favorite posts...

Drinking With Grace- Edition #1 Army Girl

Posted on February 12, 2008
A new feature on Law With Grace, first up, my very good friend Army Girl...Grace?s Love Affair w/the Liquor StoreGrace is graciously letting me guest blog about our trips to the local liquor store. This blog is really about Grace?s mad love affair with the store...

Nyquil Commercial- The one With the Roommate

Posted on February 07, 2008
You know which one I'm talking about, right?The girl is walking around her apartment looking like shit, obviously feeling like shit, and her overly perky roommate comes home, and says "oh my god!!! Are you sick? You need nyquil!" and then she goes and gets nyquil for her roommate, and then goes on with the whole "you'll sleep like a baby, or like a puppy or like a blah blah blah," and then the sick roommate says "like before I had a roommmate?"You know what? That's a fucking bitchy thing to say...

Football

Posted on February 03, 2008
Why I Love It:- Daytime drinking- Gambling- Screaming at television sets- Chicken Wings- Having the sound of thousands cheering fans in the background of my condo every Sunday morning, so I can pretend the fans are really cheering for the good job I'm doing with the Swiffer...

Charity

Posted on January 29, 2008
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. My computer is in the shop getting fixed. Because it's broken. Speaking of broken things, my car is also broken. Anyway, so that's why I'm not posting. Because I don't think the tax payers want me blogging from work...

Being a lawyer is GLAMOROUS!!!

Posted on January 22, 2008
I have a fabulous friend. Her name, for purposes of this blog, is Fury Berlin. This is an email that Ms. Berlin sent to me describing her morning at the courthouse."So I go in today on a status for one of the partners (same case that I got sent to where I showed up for ?status? and plaintiff?s counsel was there for trial)...

The Beginning of a New Friendship

Posted on January 15, 2008
On 1/14/08, Sandra James wrote:Dearest One,I am writting this letter with due respect and heartful of tears since wehave not known or met ourselves previously I am asking for your assistanceafter I have gone through a profile that speaks good of you. I want to find out if it's possible for you to deal with individual as to investment...

Goodness Knows, the Wicked's Lives Are Lonely

Posted on January 12, 2008
People can be good for people. In the last ten days or so, I've been hanging out with some seriously high quality people. And I think it makes me a better person.For example, today I was on my way to pick up a friend to take her to lunch, and my CD player broke while my Wicked CD was inside...

Personal Day

Posted on January 10, 2008
So, I took a "personal day" today. Back when I worked in the entertainment industry, if I called in to my boss and said "I'm taking a personal day" I would get laughed at. I once actually had to show up to work hours after a botched wisdom tooth extraction when I was bleeding my face off...

Nothing Really To Say

Posted on January 09, 2008
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. There's really no good reason. Except my internet at home isn't really working. And I don't really have anything to say. So here are some non-newsworthy items. 1. I got a new dry cleaner. They seem nice.And that's pretty much all I got...

My thoughts on Polygamy

Posted on December 30, 2007
I think about polygamy a lot when I'm ironing.It doesn't sound so bad. I mean, it needs to be changed up a bit. the whole religion part of it isn't going to fly. And the fact that the "sister-wives" don't um... have... their own fun as a group is a bit preposterous...

The Nicest Christmas Hater Ever

Posted on December 23, 2007
I sat on the bus, reading my book. I was dressed how I dress nearly everyday: black skirt suit, black heels, black overcoat, pearls. Nothing that reveals much about my personality. Two girls get on the bus. They're sort of dressed... well...let's just say I might be able to hazard a guess as to their sexual orientation...

Dear 72.94.142 from Allentown, PA,

Posted on December 16, 2007
Hey there!!! You're one of the anonymous lurkers who leaves threatening/insulting/creepy messages on my blog. I'm sure you're not the only one, but you're one of the best!!!! Yay, you!But wait. It's not just me, is it? No.It's her. And her. And her...

My Night

Posted on December 10, 2007
New Lingerie: $88Taking a Cab from the El Station to ensure I wouldn't be late: $6.00Bottle of Wine Back at My Place: $18.00Whimsically Offering to Pay Half the Dinner Bill: $34.00________Listening to My Ex Talk about the the NEW Ex?: Priceless.Wait...

The Dog and Me- A Dialogue Part III

Posted on December 01, 2007
Me: You KNOW how hard I am trying to keep a positive attitude about the holiday season. You know I'm tired of being called a grinch. Why in the world would you break my brand new Santa candy dish and eat all the M&M's? Why? Why? Why?Dog: Because people who talk to dogs deserve to have their Santa candy dishes broken, you dumb whore...

Dear Asshole at the Red Line entrance this evening,

Posted on November 26, 2007
That's right. You're a complete asshole. What kind of person watches someone slip down a flight of stairs (yes, readers, Grace has no grace. Apparently Grace also refers to herself in the third person, but that's a separate issue) and instead of saying "oh my god are you ok?" shakes their head disapprovingly and says, "Why do you wear those?" referring to my shoes? I'll tell you what kind of person does that: A TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!Seriously...

Grace Meets Grace

Posted on November 22, 2007
Today, I went to my mother's house for Thanksgiving dinner. My sister brought along her new puppy.Her new puppy. Who she named GRACE. Yes. My big sister named her dog Grace. And not Grace, as in my pseudonym for this blog. I mean, my REAL name.Here's what the night sounded like:"Grace, congrats on getting sworn in as a lawyer!""Ooops! Grace made a poopie on the kitchen floor!""Grace, how's your new condo?""Grace is eating the cat's food again!""Grace! NO! NO!""Look at how cute Grace is!""Grace! NO BEGGING! NO!""Grace...

Ready. Set. Fuck You, Holidays

Posted on November 21, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving.

Sometimes I Just Need a Man to Toss My Salad

Posted on November 14, 2007
And Alejandro is just that man.I'm cheating on my salad bar. With Alejandro.I love my salad bar, because I love the idea of getting exactly what I want. And that's what a salad bar is all about. Choices. Well, you know sometimes I don't want to make choices...

Dear My Dead Junkie,

Posted on November 05, 2007
I'm sorry to refer to you like that in the title of a post. It sounds like I'm almost trying to make a joke. I'm not. I just can't call you by your name, and I can't call you by a fake name, because that seems like something you'd hate.You died a year ago today...