Criminal Law

Too much

Posted on May 27, 2008
I met a client picked up on a bench warrant today. He had pulled his arms and head into his county blues when I came into the lock-up. This didn't strike me as a big deal, I figured he must be sleeping. When I called his name he pulled his head out and peeled open his eyes...

The grossest thing, ever

Posted on May 18, 2008
Seriously, who would eat this??

Saturday night with 600 of my closest Armenian friends

Posted on May 18, 2008
My friend got married last night and I was introduced to a little thing called the Armenian wedding. Here are some of the details worth mentioning:There were over 600 people there. I do not even know 600 people. There was a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label, Crown Royal, and Grey Goose vodka on every table...

Ever have one of those days

Posted on May 17, 2008
When you want to commit some horribly violent act upon EVERYONE in your courtroom? When every question is stupid? When everyone is annoying? Where every offer is ridiculous? Where you start the day off badly (someone swipes your copy of the calendar), and it just keeps getting worse (you don't have time to go get lunch because you are typing up your performance evaluation over the break, and then you close it before you save it)? When you work until 7:00pm on a Friday?Yeah...

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American Idol

Posted on May 15, 2008
Why is it that I start off the season always anxiously awaiting the next episode, then by the time they get down to about 5 or 6 people I am just praying for the whole mess to be over with?I am so over this show right now.BTW, the David Archuletta (or however you spell his name) creates such conflict inside me...

Things I Love

Posted on May 03, 2008
XM Navigation and Traffic System2005 Vesuvio by Peachy Canyon (yummers!)Narcisco Rodriguez for her Louis Vuitton Galliera PM (You will be mine soon!) Louis Vuitton Horizontal Lockit (Hmm, so torn between these two!)

Huh?

Posted on May 02, 2008
Next week I have an ATTEMPTED DUI trial set to start.Wtf?? No one I know has even heard of such bullshit. I cannot wait to start this trial, because I swear I will go down in office history for this.

Yeah, that's right

Posted on May 01, 2008
Today, I got into a brisk 15-minute argument on the record where I fought with the prosecution over, what I and everyone else in the courtroom agreed, a RIDICULOUS position. At the end, after I made my points and the judge agreed with me, my client turned to me with a smile on his face just as he was walking out of the courtroom and said, "Man, you're goooood!"

Out of body experience

Posted on April 30, 2008
In the last week I have been in court on three separate occasions where I had to stop and nearly pinch myself because I couldn't believe what was happening...The judge was actually on MY side!Holy shit! Alert the media.

I rock

Posted on April 28, 2008
Won my probation violation hearing. Woohoo!

Never again

Posted on April 20, 2008
I hereby swear to never, ever again sign a petition outside of a store, or anywhere else for that matter!First of all, I am pretty well convinced that the average voter (sadly, myself now included) doesn't have any business voting on ballot propositions, so I should not encourage more propositions making it onto the ballot...

I have all the answers, suckas

Posted on April 18, 2008
Today, a bar panel attorney was trying to plea down a case, but when asked for the maximum sentence, she did not know what it was. The judge, the prosecutor, the attorney, none of them knew. They all start flipping through the Penal Code trying to find it...

Random "celeb" sighting

Posted on April 12, 2008
Luke from General Hospital at the coffee store.His hair didn't look as awesome as it did in 1981, however.

Soooo jealous!

Posted on April 10, 2008
Karl Lagerfeld has a Diet Coke butler!! I want one too!!!

Discerning Drug User?

Posted on April 09, 2008
Client: "Ma'am, I just need a program! I need help ma'am. I only just started using, and I need help!"Me: "What are you using? Crystal?"Client: "Nah. That shit is for white people!"I laughed out loud at that one.

OMG!!!!

Posted on April 07, 2008
Yes, I am old. NKOTB is BACK! Word! I was in 7th grade when I fell in love with Donnie Wahlberg. I was, to put it mildly, insane. My best friend in the would, K., was as well. We could tell you the names of their siblings, we knew the names of their bodyguards...

Client of the Month Award

Posted on April 07, 2008
I had an in-custody client with a really awesome case set for trial. On day 8 of 10 for trial new facts came out that were bad, bad for us and quickly our awesome case went down the drain. Anyway, the offer was time served with probation for a plea to a lesser charge...

The Pressure!

Posted on March 15, 2008
I have a client who is charged with resisting arrest/delaying an officer in his duties. All he did was watch the cops arresting his 17 year old brother and have the audacity to ask why. The cops threw him to the ground, beat him with batons, and charged HIM with a crime...

Happy Birthday...

Posted on March 10, 2008
to my hubby.Love ya!

"Public Defender" is an element of set "Attorney"

Posted on March 04, 2008
I was poking around in the CEB today when I came across a phrase that really irritated me. See if you can figure out why..."Some attorneys and public defender offices take the position that, as an ethical matter, defense attorneys should not join in guilty pleas in either felony or misdemeanor cases if the defendant denies guilt...

Attorney client privilege, so what?!

Posted on February 29, 2008
This really just happened a few hours ago.I was in an interview room with my client, you know, having a private conversation about his criminal case in which he is entitled to counsel and is protected by the attorney client privilege. No biggie.The door swings open and the dumbest fucking deputy WALKS INTO THE BOOTH:Deputy Dumbshit (DD from here on out): "I couldn't help but overhearing that you -"Me: "I'm sorry, WHAT??"DD: "I just wanted to tell you about the cite out policy you were talking about...

WTF?!

Posted on February 23, 2008
I know what you are thinking. You are looking at these pictures and thinking, what the hell is this nonsense? Well, I will tell you.These are pictures of... children's lunches.No! I AM NOT KIDDING! There are mothers out there who put this shit together for their kids EVERYDAY! What?! I am baffled...

Another First

Posted on February 19, 2008
I worked out a really good deal for a client today. She was really excited about it. So excited, in fact that she (an African American woman) said I (a white woman) was her N-Word.Yeah, yeah, the N-Word. THAT N-Word. I must have had some visual reaction to that, which she read as me being incredulous, so she reassured me again that I, indeed, was her N Word...

Ferocia, don't spray me with your AquaNet!

Posted on February 18, 2008
Words cannot express how much I simply ADORE Christian Siriano from Project Runway. That bitch makes the world go around! I need to meet him, like, right this second. We would be BFF's, I swear to God. I would call him Ferocia Coutura and he could call me Sassy Lashes...

On private counsel

Posted on February 16, 2008
I have a client on a three defendant vandalism case. One of the Co-D's is represented by a bar panel attorney (court appointed attorney because our office declared a conflict) and one is represented by private counsel. And private counsel is a big ass...

Gravely disabled?

Posted on February 16, 2008
This whole Britney Spears thing is such a circus. A circus which I check in on daily via any number of my favorite celeb gossip sites (don't judge, bitches), but a circus nonetheless.I was a bit confused by the turn of events a few weeks ago when she was brought in on a 72 hour hold that was then extended because she was found to be "gravely disabled"...

A dream come true?

Posted on February 05, 2008
I have long harbored an egomanical dream of having a client, in open court, expound on what a wonderful attorney I am. I know, I know I am an attention whore, but hey, I am a trial attorney. We are by definition a little bit self-centered.So anyway, today it happened...

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Posted on February 03, 2008
FUCK YES!!! I love it!! SUCK IT TOM BRADY!!!Congrats to the New York Giants.World champs.

PD Win!

Posted on January 15, 2008
Another PD in my office just got a court order to prohibit the prosecutor from calling her his "colleague" during trial.Word. We are not colleagues! We are not working together! We are not pals! We are ADVERSARIES!Asshole. It is one of those slimy prosecutor things that some of them try and pull that I really, really hate.

PD Win!

Posted on January 15, 2008
My former court partner just won her trial! A third time DUI! She saved a kid from a minimum 120 days of county jail!Woohoo!

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