Family Law

Holiday Tips for Couples :: Visiting the In-Laws

By J. Benjamin Stevens

Decking the halls is great. Decking your in-laws? Not so much. Holiday stress, paired with disagreements with or about your spouse's parents, can make you want to climb up the chimney. Annie Chapman, author of The Mother-In-Law Dance, says that anyone who's been married for longer than one Christmas knows just how taxing it can be. But don't let it spoil your eggnog!

• Talk to your spouse. Disagreements with or about your in-laws can make your spouse feel threatened or defensive, and likewise for you if your spouse doesn't get along with your parents. Make it clear that you love your spouse unconditionally and that any holiday tensions, big or small, don't change that.
• Take a break. At a family gathering, don't wait until you're so frustrated that you engage in a verbal conflict. If things start grating on your nerves, take a break and step away from the situation. A walk outdoors or a quick jaunt to the store can give you the breathing space you need to calm down before things get out of control.
• Plan ahead. Waiting until the Christmas season to announce that you're not planning to attend Christmas dinner can create disappointment or resentment in your in-laws. Plan your holiday schedule with your spouse months in advance and alert each set of in-laws about your plans.
• Look inward and upward. Sometimes, it's not the in-laws who are grumpy and disagreeable. You may not be able to change them, but you can change yourself and your personal reaction to situations. Pray and meditate on God's Word and ask for discernment, patience and wisdom. 

Source:  "De-Stressing Christmas: 11 Tips for Handling Common Holiday Tensions for Couples" by Josh Duvauchelle, published at Focus on the Family (Canada).

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on December 22, 2010 (boomark / email).