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Dumb Texas Laws

Stupid Laws in the Republic of Texas


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  • Abilene: It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
  • Austin: Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
  • Dallas: It's illegal to possess realistic dildos.
  • El Paso: Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them."
  • Houston: Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday. It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
  • If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can't move until the other does.
  • In Alamo a person found intoxicated must be given a large dose of castor oil by a local doctor...and failure to gulp it down will result in a fine.
  • In Dallas County it is illegal to own any realistic looking, phallic shaped, personal massager more than one foot in length.
  • In Kingsville, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.
  • It is legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it's illegal to reciprocate.
  • It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
  • It is illegal to carry a pair of wire-cutters in your back pocket.
  • It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
  • It is illegal for a person to shoot a buffalo from the second story of their hotel.
  • It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
  • It is legal for a husband to beat his wife as long as he uses something no bigger than his thumb.
  • It is legal for the blind to go hunting as long as they have someone with them who isn't blind.
  • Sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school extracurricular activities.
  • Lefors: It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing.
  • Lubbock County: It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream.
  • Mesquite: It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
  • Port Arthur: Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
  • Richardson: It is now illegal to place a "for sale" sign on a car if it visible from the street. It is illegal to do "U Turns".
  • San Antonio: It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
  • Temple: No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. You can ride your horse in the saloon. Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.
  • Texarkana: Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.
  • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
  • There is an old law in Texas that states you are unable to tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle.
  • You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
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