Home -> Law Blog Directory -> Law Humor Blogs -> Bernard Madoff

Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Bernie's Court Tickets On Sale!!

What with all the hoopla about my making an appearance in court on Thursday, we were thinking-Hey! This is a great ticket-selling event--so, with Irving's permission, we're selling tickets for the courtroom, and since there's only 200 seats available, we'll also be simulcasting via the internet on a pay per view basis!

Since everyone has always wanted a seat right next to mine, front row seats will cost $2500, and all of the other seats are $1500. Just like always, we'll be picky about who we're going to let in this Thursday, so you'll have to send your seat request via Ask Me A Question--just scroll the right column.

Annette and her husband Rudy will be in charge of printing out the tickets, and you can make your payments c/o RuAnn Tickets LLC. No credit cards, only certified cashier checks allowed. We'll have a pick-up tickets box at the courthouse, and if you want them sent in advance, just call our office and ask for Winnie.

To schedule your on-line pay-per-view, just click here . $100 for each-Wire transfer or Paypal payments only! For those of you that haven't gotten your SIPC checks yet, and don't have much money left, which is everybody but two people that Harbeck says he sent checks to on Friday (Liz O'Toole and Monica Noel), we'll set up a 900 dial-in so you can listen to the live event. Tune in tomorrow for the 900 number--we're thinking $2.99 a minute.

Ira says that we won't be able to provide refunds or redemptions in case of postponement, or in case there might be any scheduling conflict, but trust me, we'll make sure that everyone gets treated the same way!

Next:
To: Enrica
From Bernie:
Need you to send out a check to that company in Montreal that's handling the on-line broadcast. If you have any questions, call Frankie D.
BLM

Next:
Raoul Felder--if you call here one more time asking for Ruth, I'm going to take the f--king defib and zap your f--king head with it! Ruth doesn't need a divorce lawyer! We've got more lawyers than we have printer cartridges, and Keith Miller up in Boston is a lawyer that we're thinking can lead Ruth's team. If she even needs a lawyer!

Next: Last Wednesday I said we were going long, and the market popped 200 points over the course of the day, but I wasn't sure for how long we'd be long. We're only into the second week of the month, so Annette will need a few more weeks before letting everyone know what we bought, how much we paid, and when we sold for a profit.

Last-

To: Ben Stein
From: Bernie Madoff
I'm thinking that you might want to sign on with MIDAS as a board member; your ideas re: "mark-to-market" make sense to me, although Vic Teicher might not agree. Holdings should be priced on what some of us think the projected returns will be, not what they can be sold for today.

If Tim Geithner signs on for that new type of rule, we'll all be a lot better off, and I know that Jeff Immelt will feel better about his stock options. For what its worth, Ruth and I ran into John Thain and Dick Fuld on Saturday when we had dinner at Nick and Toni's, and they're both on board with the idea, and they'll be happy to endorse it.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 09, 2009 (boomark / email).