Miscellaneous

The Daily Memo - 7/11/08

Posted on July 11, 2008
Jesse Jackson's got some balls. (The Musings of a New Millennium Nigga) I wish I knew how to quit you, Jonathan Lee Riches. (Above the Law) The TTAB shows how unhip it is by ruling that "crazy good" isn't descriptive....

Are "sexual deviant" and "fraternity pledge" really mutually exclusive?

Posted on July 11, 2008
See? Stupid shenanigans don't only happen in Florida (they just happen there with greater regularity), as this story comes from Newport Beach, California: Police are looking for an overweight, unshaven man in his 30s who snuck into two unlocked homes...

Wait a minute? Is he being racist by calling it a "black mark?"

Posted on July 11, 2008
I love Russ Feingold, and his attack on FISA for being a "black mark" on our country is just the latest reason why:...

Black Hole? White Hole? Asshole!

Posted on July 11, 2008
I can appreciate racial sensitivity, but you've got to be kidding me here: A special meeting about Dallas County traffic tickets turned tense and bizarre this afternoon. County commissioners were discussing problems with the central collections office that is used...

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Full moon rising

Posted on July 11, 2008
Penn State apparently has a tradition called the Mifflin Streak where, each year before finals week, a bunch of students camp out on Mifflin Road to watch a bunch of other students go streaking at midnight. A 19-year-old student living...

Is That a T-Bone In Your Pants, Or Are You Just Happy to ... Nope. That's a T-Bone

Posted on July 10, 2008
That pretty man to your right, an Ohio resident, broke the unofficial record for steaks in the pants earlier this week, shattering the old record set just last week. Last week, a Winton Place man was arrested for stuffing three...

What are you going to do, rattle me to death?

Posted on July 10, 2008
In Utica, New York, Stephanie Wilson was taking her baby for a walk when she got into an argument with another women. This was apparently the latest argument in an ongoing feud between the two about money. The argument got...

The Daily Memo - 7/10/08

Posted on July 10, 2008
If life is really getting less cush and more real for some summer associates, well, it's kinda hard to feel too sorry for 'em, no? (Above the Law) FISA passed! FISA passed! USA! USA! USA ... fubar. (Yahoo! News) Oh...

The Last American Moral Stand

Posted on July 10, 2008
How often do you see someone (aside from our brave men and women in uniform of course) sacrifice themselves for a moral cause? I think I love L.F. Eason III. L.F. Eason III gave up the only job he'd ever...

How to get busted for carrying illegal drugs

Posted on July 10, 2008
...By trying to sell $5,700 worth of illegal fireworks. Cause, you know, when you're found selling a fuck-ton of illegal fireworks, the cops may just conduct a search, and find your drugs. Oh, and if you have a warrant out...

I Swear to God, Soon We're Going to Lose All of Our Rights

Posted on July 10, 2008
It's those damn activist judges, you know. First they start chipping away at our civil liberties, and now we can't even have proper sex with a dead person. Jeezum Crow. Wisconsin law bans sex with dead bodies, the state Supreme...

Ladies, there's a real winner of a man waiting for you in Muncie, Indiana

Posted on July 10, 2008
Richard H. Valens Jr. is a special kind of man. The kind of man who gives a beer to a 1-year-old (his nephew, no less) and then, when his girlfriend objects, slugs her in the face and threatens to kill...

What the Hell Did Jesse Jackson Say to Piss Off His Son?

Posted on July 10, 2008
How bad a thing do you have to say to provoke your own son to take a presidential candidate's side over your own? I don't know, but I assume we'll soon be finding out. Whatever the Rev. Jesse Jackson...

What a Sore Loser!

Posted on July 09, 2008
Ever been to Maine? Southern Maine is more or less an extension of Boston and Portsmouth (Fun Fact: Until 1820, Maine was actually part of Massachusetts). But if you travel north of, say, Augusta, you're getting into separated-from-reality territory --...

Darwin Wins Again!

Posted on July 09, 2008
What the hell do they teach in school down in Florida? A Kissimmee man was arrested after he called police to report that he'd been robbed of the money he stole. Police said, early Friday morning, John Opperman-Green robbed a...

Odor Eaters Could Save Your Life

Posted on July 09, 2008
Ever spent a long period of time with someone with stinky feet? Smells like mold and toe jam, dead cat, and sweaty, unbathed smoker vagina. It's one of the least appealing scents you could ever experience. It's enough, in fact,...

The Daily Memo - 7/9/08

Posted on July 09, 2008
Shotgun plus whiskey glass attachment equals Southern harmony. (Legal Antics) After playing Tim Allen's son on TV for years, a Tasing must surely be a step up in life, no? So why the lawsuit? (The Blemish) Judge Fatty Boombalatty lost...

Things to do when stealing a car

Posted on July 09, 2008
Make sure there's nobody watching. Think about wearing gloves so you don't leave prints. Try to be quiet and avoid drawing attention to yourself. Oh, and if you don't know how to drive stick, avoid stealing a manual transmission car....

How to Get Your Parole Revoked, 201, Day Two

Posted on July 09, 2008
Hi class - welcome back! Last week, we talked about using a stolen car to go check in with your parole officer. This week, we're upping the ante. You'll need a little luck on your side, but if you play...

Has W been ruled a felon?

Posted on July 09, 2008
Attorney Jon B. Eisenberg has posted an absolutely fascinating story over at Salon about a lawsuit he's involved in, as co-counsel for the plaintiffs, against President Bush over the warrantless wiretapping shenanigans. Key to the story is a confidential document...

It's like National Lampoon's Vacation only, you know, not fucking funny

Posted on July 09, 2008
In Oldsmar, Florida, an asshole by the name of Jack Q. Brown has been charged with animal cruelty. Seems that Asshole Brown thought it would be a dandy idea to take a young bichon-yorkie dog, Riley, out for a walk....

Here's Your Daily Dose of Wrong

Posted on July 08, 2008
This, on the same day that John McCain asked, "How about some old-fashioned fudge?" I'll never see John McCain the same way again....

I'm Sorry -- I Seemed to Have Misplaced My Car. In Your Pool.

Posted on July 08, 2008
This actually happened to me, twice, though my car didn't land in a pool either time. Once, I'd forgotten to put on the parking brake, and my car managed to squeeze out of a parallel parking spot, on its...

There Once Was a Man from Nantucket ...

Posted on July 08, 2008
What do you do if you're a judge and a lawyer files a 465-page lawsuit you don't have any interest in reading? You write a limerick, of course. Plaintiff has a great deal to say, But it seems he skipped...

The Daily Memo - 7/8/08

Posted on July 08, 2008
You gotta lose yourself in the music ... or Eminem will beat the shit out of you while you're doing your business in front of a urinal. (IndustryFinest.com) "The Web's Hottest Attorneys?" Man, this is gonna be was a short-lived...

Well that's just efficiency

Posted on July 08, 2008
Seventy-four-year-old Lynne Rice was out for a nice Sunday evening drive when she turned her 1988 Caddy into Joe's Food Mart and Video. Into it, as in, right into the store. And get this -- the old lady then got...

Doing computer repairs, by digging into folks' affairs ... deep in the heart of Texas!

Posted on July 08, 2008
Texas has a wonderfully stupid new law which requires all computer repair technicians to also have a state-issued private investigator license. Seems that under other Texas laws, it is illegal to conduct investigation into folks without such a license and...

It's not so bad if you look at it in terms of centuries...

Posted on July 08, 2008
...Because then, James Kevin Pope's prison sentence is only about 40. Yup -- Pope was just hit with a sentence of 4,060 years. If he can find the key to immortality, he'll first be eligible for parole in 3209. But...

Here's a proposition for you ... just leave the gays alone, would you?!

Posted on July 08, 2008
Here in California, we've got a weird form of democracy. With enough support, people can get propositions placed onto statewide ballots. If these propositions pass, state laws or the California Constitution itself are amended. The idea is great on paper,...

Barack Is Already Telling Lies ... and It's Getting Personal

Posted on July 07, 2008
So, I get the above email a couple of hours ago, and I'm feeling pretty goddamn special. Out of the millions of Barack Obama supporters, David Plouffe picked me to be the very first to know that, during the Democratic...

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