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The whole freaking system is out of order!
Posted on November 03, 2009Back in February, we told you about a major whoopsie that had been discovered in the Wilkes-Barry, PA juvy courts. Specifically, two judges were sending minors off to JV prison after taking millions of dollars in kickbacks from the detention...
Fox News: An Ouroboros of Opinion and News
Posted on November 02, 2009After making a little fun of the Obama Administration's "war on Fox News," Jon Stewart unloaded on Fox News over its righteous indignation over the whole thing and showed us how things work at Fox. Awesome. The Daily Show With...
Hello Old-School Southern Racism, Good to See You Again!
Posted on October 19, 2009Wow, just wow. Keith Bardwell is a justice of the peace down in Louisiana who's been getting lots of press over the last few days because he's a bigot. Of course, he doesn't think he's a bigot -- he's just...
Reason Number 264 I Won't Be Moving to Alabama
Posted on September 15, 2009Because the Alabama Supreme Court recently ruled against Love Stuff, a sex toy store, in holding the state's anti-obscenity law constitutional. Said the Court: Public morality can still serve as a legitimate rational basis for regulating commercial activity, which is...
Bono? Is it Bono? B.J.? Kong? Come on, what the hell's your name?!?
Posted on September 14, 2009Earlier this month, a monkey was arrested in Perth, Australia, because he refused to identify himself to the police: The monkey had declined to give his name when questioned by police, so they took him away. At the police station,...
This mughshot appears next to the definition of "classy" in my dictionary
Posted on August 26, 2009So I'm thinking that she got this because, this way, the sun actually does shine down on the place where the sun don't shine and, so she hopes, perhaps people won't shove things up in there. That's the theory, anyways....
Just Because I'm an Ignorant Black Man Doesn't Give You the Right To Be a Worthless Tool
Posted on August 25, 2009Apparently, Alec Baldwin recently told Playboy that he's thinking about moving to Connecticut because he would like to run for Senate against Joe Lieberman. He's thinking about it, he says, because he's got "no use" for Lieberman. Amen, brother. Lieberman...
Scalia done been called out!
Posted on August 24, 2009Last week, Alan Dershowitz called the Scalia to the mat. In a recent dissent in a death penalty case, Dershowitz says that Scalia says the Constitution doesn't forbid the execution of a death penalty convict who later is able to...
Things Not to Do
Posted on August 20, 2009That's right boys and girls, we're back with another exciting installment of everyone's favorite list of common sense items, Things Not to Do! 1) Don't drive drunk. 2) Don't drive drunk at 1:13 in the morning. 3) Don't drive drunk...
Reason Number 325 Why I'll Never Move to Texas
Posted on August 19, 2009Because this fall, a 2007 Texas law goes into effect, having all public schools, under mandate, teaching the Bible. Obviously, many folks are on board with this. Some aren't: Tyler resident Havis Tatum disagress with Tucker. He said, "I don't...
Half of Me Says They Should Be Heavily Punished, The Other Half Is Jealous That I Didn't Do This as a Dumb Kid
Posted on August 18, 2009A pair of Missouri teen broke into a local go-cart joint and took their stolen goods to the local interstate. Witnesses reported seeing the go-carts driving down the highway. "Some people driving by thought it was odd there were go-carts...
Wanna get some pizza?
Posted on August 17, 2009Yes, things have been quiet around the QuizLaw front. Can't be helped, children. Dustin's days are busy running the best little entertainment review site in this corner of the interwebs, and I've been busy being a law talking guy. Times...
And cops wonder why they're so often hated?
Posted on July 22, 2009Check this shit out -- in an area south of Milwaukee, a cop was patrolling the parking lot outside a music arena. It was late at night, and he found a teenager sleeping in his car. The cop knocked on...
See, this is why nobody in Jersey has any manners!
Posted on July 21, 2009Craig Fletcher tried to do the right thing. Late last month, he was robbing a house, and had stuffed three laptops and an Xbox into his backback. That's not the right thing. So the homeowner wound up interrupting him, and...
This guy needs to take a lesson from Meatloaf
Posted on July 20, 2009All Frank Paul Reyos wanted to do was get married. So he took his girlfriend and off the pair hopped to the local courthouse for a quick and simple marriage. Turns out Reyos was a fugitive, wanted by the local...
How not to get busted for driving around with pot and coke in your car...
Posted on July 13, 2009...don't drive around with your two-year-old grandson hanging out of your car window....
On a more serious note...
Posted on July 06, 2009This morning, I was being rather juvenile. Turning to the less-cock-more-important realm of things, the Lawinfo Blog has a nice little roundup of the more significant cases from the just-concluded 2008-09 Supreme Court term. From discriminating against white firefighters to...
Juvenile Mondays, Coming at Ya!
Posted on July 06, 2009Over at The TTABlog we learn that the Federal Circuit has affirmed a decision to refuse trademark protection for a cigarettes which were found to falsely suggest a connection to the Shinnecock Indian Nation. Understandable decision, since the smokes used...
Shot through the heart, and you've been sued...
Posted on June 30, 2009Good on ya, District Judge Michael M. Baylson. He was writing up a 29-page opinion in a case called AFL Philadelphia v. Krause. AFL Philadelphia would be one of the owners of the Philadelphia Soul, an AFL football team. Jon...
What? You think I hung out in the sun too long? I thought I was just getting some nice color...
Posted on June 29, 2009(This melanoma brought to you by The Smoking Gun.)...
Smooth Criminal
Posted on June 29, 2009Oh Florida, I feel so guilty. You just give and give and give, and we just take and take and take. A fight broke out on a Florida bus when news of Michael Jackson's death sparked debate over whether he...
Uhm, honey, you got a little something there on your face ... yeah, there ... and there ... and a bit there, too
Posted on June 17, 2009(From The Sun. She claims she only wanted three stars, not 56, but the story's a bit suspect, you ask me.)...
Uhm, dude, you got a little something there on your face ... yeah, there ... and there ... and a bit there, too
Posted on June 17, 2009(Another friendly booked-criminal from The Smoking Gun, of course,)...
Is that a shiv in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
Posted on June 10, 2009Dawud Yaduallah, that happy-go-lucky dude right over there who used to go by the name David Hanley, is an ex-convict and a career criminal. But now he's also a plaintiff because, free from the confines of prison, he's he's filed...
This is like a literal "get out of jail free" card
Posted on June 09, 2009This is unbelievable. Five years ago, Dwayne Keith Fitzen was serving a 24 year prison sentence in Minnesota, and prison officials decided to transfer him to California. So you know how they had the inmate known as "Shadow" transferred? They...
BREAKING, BREAKING -- Dapper Don Pinched by the Coppers for Hawking His Homehade Hooch Without a License
Posted on June 08, 2009...Actually, this fine fella' was busted for driving with a suspended license (his license had been suspended thanks to a little DUI). But that just didn't have the same Newsie ring, you know?...
Want another reason Australians are better than us?
Posted on June 05, 2009...Their judges say that it's ok for you to go surfing when you're out of work on disability because of your supposed bad back. And you can't be fired for it. Surf's up, bra! Have a gnarly weekend!...
Today's Lesson in Civic Duty
Posted on June 05, 2009Look people. I get it. Jury duty isn't always the most exciting thing in the world. Some obnoxious-yet-boring lawyers blather endlessly to you about how this corporation did something bad but no wait a minute it was that corporation that...
Their flappy-heads are flapping again
Posted on June 01, 2009You know, I now see why the South Park movie tried to teach us to blame Canada. It was just a peremptory attack to Canada trying to blame "South Park:" Two Calgary teenagers have been handed absolute discharges in an...
Would You Hire This Guy? (Part 5)
Posted on May 29, 2009Welcome to the stunning conclusion of our five-part series where we ask the question "would you hire this guy?" The ads featured in each part of this series come from a recent Esquire piece (with a hat tip to Overlawyered),...
Would You Hire This Guy? (Part 4)
Posted on May 29, 2009Welcome to our five-part series where we ask the question "would you hire this guy?" The ads featured in each part of this series come from a recent Esquire piece (with a hat tip to Overlawyered), and they're all gems....
His last name's practically "blunt," so what do you expect?
Posted on May 29, 2009Corie Blount is a former NBA player. Now he's a convicted drug felon. He's just been sentenced to a year in the clink after pleading guilty to two counts of marijuana possession (which he pled to in order to avoid...
Would You Hire This Guy? (Part 3)
Posted on May 28, 2009Welcome to our five-part series where we ask the question "would you hire this guy?" The ads featured in each part of this series come from a recent Esquire piece (with a hat tip to Overlawyered), and they're all gems....
Barbie's Dream House ain't got nuthin on BarBe's BBQ Joint
Posted on May 28, 2009This place right here is K.T.'s Barbecue, in Reading, Ohio. Dunno if the barbecue there is any good, but their new advertising is top notch. Owner Kenny Tessel was having trouble with business, which had dropped 40% thanks to the...
Would You Hire This Guy? (Part 2)
Posted on May 27, 2009Welcome to our five-part series where we ask the question "would you hire this guy?" The ads featured in each part of this series come from a recent Esquire piece (with a hat tip to Overlawyered), and they're all gems....
Suddenly there's a whole lot more work for the Legislature to do...
Posted on May 27, 2009Massachusetts' state Senate has finally moved forward in enacting legislation that would ban folks from texting while driving. While similar bills have come up before, the state Senate has always shot them down: Similar legislation passed overwhelmingly last year in...
Sue-per-man is not amused!
Posted on May 26, 2009Everyone's favorite litigant, Jonathan Lee Riches, is back. And as always, it's a peach. The Guinness Book of World Records plans to name Riches the most litigious human being ever. And so, of course, he's suing them to prevent this....
Would You Hire This Guy? (Part 1)
Posted on May 26, 2009Welcome to our five-part series where we ask the question "would you hire this guy?" The ads featured in each part of this series come from a recent Esquire piece (with a hat tip to Overlawyered), and they're all gems....
BREAKING: California Supreme Court Upholds Discrimination
Posted on May 26, 2009California's high court has upheld last year's passage of Proposition 8, meaning gay marriage is officially no longer legal in California. Because the gays getting married is what caused our state to be on the brink of financial ruin, don't...
Of course, it is a waste of a perfectly good pint of ice cream
Posted on May 22, 2009Dustin keeps trying to tell me that his new home of Portland, Maine is a wonderful place. Yeah, sounds great: A woman who threw a pint of ice cream through a store window after a clerk refused to sell her...
I'll gladly give you a beating today for a cheeseburger today
Posted on May 22, 2009Fran MacLaren is suing her local McDonald's because ... well, I'm not sure. Last April, she was having lunch at the McDonald's and, as she left, she gave a cheeseburger to a homeless man chilling in the parking lot. He...
The latest in criminal defense theory
Posted on May 21, 2009Willie James Maye, of Buffalo, has crafted an interesting new legal argument. Last month, he was busted for selling weed out of his car. He had parked his Chevy Suburban across from a local bar, and was selling his goods...
The best Florida story of the week...
Posted on May 21, 2009I've been posting Florida stories all week, but this right here is the winner. A car thief was almost busted by the victim of said theft. The victim (who "only wants to be known as Mustafa because he is concerned...
The latest edition of "Some Headlines Speak for Themselves"
Posted on May 20, 2009From TCPalm.com: Man, 66, arrested after hunting hog to celebrate son's release from jail Florida, natch....
You can't spell "menage a trois" without three of the letters in "murder"
Posted on May 20, 2009Florida. Menage a trois. Of course it ended in death. Last August, the body of Nestor Estefani was found in the home of his boyfriend, Dr. Cody Smith. Smith wasn't home at the time and, it seeks, Estefani picked up...
If things go well I might be showing her my O-face
Posted on May 19, 2009This is just silly. A woman in Eugene, Oregon is embroiled in a battle with the University of Oregon over the school's football stadium. Specifically, McKay Sohlberg is pissed off about the big three-story "O" that's plastered on the side...
W@ should i say 2 ans his Q?
Posted on May 19, 2009Turns out judges don't like it when witnesses text-message from the stand. While the judge and attorneys conferred, a courtroom spectator passed a note to a defense attorney saying the witness, Sky Development chief operating officer Gavin Sussman, appeared to...
It's funny cause it's true
Posted on May 19, 2009The always solid Overlawyered dug up this great quote from the Yale Book of Quotations which I just had to reprint: The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail. If it were not for this penalty,...
This is the best political story ever
Posted on May 18, 2009What's not to love about a story that starts like this: His résumé includes four years in the U.S. Senate, a seriously homophobic voting record, and a tab with "D.C. Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey. Her résumé includes such prestigious titles...
Yeah, this is a big Obama disappointment
Posted on May 18, 2009"The Daily Show" called Bush and his cronies out on all their bullshit for eight years. And it's good to see that they're willing to call out Obama when he's responsible for some bullshit of his own. The Daily Show...
The Real Law School Rankings
Posted on May 15, 2009Sure, the U.S. News & World Report rankings may be the ones every looks at when seeing how "good" a law school is, but the more important rankings are the brand new Party Law School Rankings. Arizona State comes in...
Look, in these tough economic times, she's just trying to teach the lil' ones to appreciate what they have
Posted on May 14, 2009A March story from WMAR-TV: A kindergarten teacher in Connecticut has been arrested for allegedly forcing a 5-year-old boy to eat food the child had thrown in a garbage can. Sixty-seven-year-old Anne O'Donnell, a teacher at Park City Magnet School...
Yeah. But What a Way To Go
Posted on May 13, 2009In the be careful what you wish for department: Have you ever wanted to be fucked by a jackhammer? Maybe you should rethink that: Sheriff's investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in...
It's a good thing there's not much call for lawyering up in Maine...
Posted on May 13, 2009...because if Michael Harman is any indication, the lawyers up there are idiots. Harman has failed to pay at least three parking tickets that have been slapped on his truck. So when the Bangor police found his truck, recently, they...
Florida women do it with brains!
Posted on May 12, 2009Sheila Sue Williams is the kind of woman I want to marry, because she's smart and industrious -- when she was recently looking for a pay phone to call her mother, and was unable to find one, she did the...
Jimmy Fallon Should Never Be Number 1
Posted on May 11, 2009From OhMyGov's weekly breakdown of the best political jokes: 1. "After they finished the meal, Obama put the duct tape back over Biden's mouth." --Jimmy Fallon 2. "Six billion dollar loss. You know what that means? Somebody is in line...
"Spiderman, Tinky Winky and Oompa-Loompa spend night in the cells after fancy dress brawl"
Posted on May 08, 2009This entry's title, was a real headline from the UK's Daily Mail. One more time: "Spiderman, Tinky Winky and Oompa-Loompa spend night in the cells after fancy dress brawl." I mean, I don't even know what to do with that....
Floridian Tennis
Posted on May 07, 2009No, no, you got it all wrong. This guy here isn't some beat up loser. Because this comes from Florida, so he's a winner. A winner, I says. Don't believe me? Dig it. Graham Brunson was chilling out at Bayfront...
Is this a new type of loan remodification?
Posted on May 06, 2009Russell Bileci is a real peach. The Oakland man borrowed $100 from Maurice Williams, promising to pay him back later that night. But Bileci apparently decided that he didn't want to shell out a Franklin to cover his debt, so...
Joyride
Posted on May 05, 2009Ah, Florida. I've missed you so. Polk County, Florida is where we find a 44-year-old deputy who was forced to resign late last month. This is because his peach of a wife and mother-in-law thought it would be a good...
Economies of Scale
Posted on May 04, 2009So how significant is it that the Obama administration is going to trim $100 million out of the budget. Not so much, it turns out. NPR's "Planet Money" recently did a more detailed discussion about our ability to comprehend scale...
Today's Story Brought to You By the Letter "D" for "Dirty"
Posted on April 29, 2009Up in Canada, eh, a 30-year-old woman and her 26-year-old male friend were discovered by a police officer who had been called to the area because of suspicious activity. When he arrived, eh, he heard noises coming out of a...
I am so smart, I am so smart. S-M-R-T!
Posted on April 28, 2009Many might argue that, on the whole, society's getting dumber by the minute. Well to whatever extent folks are getting dumber, lawyers are getting dumberer! This, according to some study by the Centre for Market and Public Organisation. Comparing the...
Wacky t-shirts speak the truth!
Posted on April 27, 2009This guy's the best. Not content to just buy a hi-lar-ious t-shirt from his local Spencer's Gifts, he decided to take things to the next level by making the shirt's dream a reality. Good on ya, sir. Good on ya....
Things not to do on an airplane...
Posted on April 24, 2009...Ram your seat back as quickly as possible the second the dinger dings and the light goes off, ensuring that the person behind you gets a swift shot to the knees. ...Call the stewardess flight attendant "Sweet Tits McGee" or...
Well how do you really feel?
Posted on April 23, 2009Nicole Marty is a girl after my own heart. Not so much because she was arrested for crashing her car into a utility pole due to bein high on the drugs. Or because her young daughter was also in the...
Duct Tape Saves the Day Again!
Posted on April 22, 2009Judges may want to consider keeping a roll of duct tape sitting next to them on the bench at all times. That way, if they want to follow Idaho Judge Peter D. McDermott's lead, they'll be good to go. McDermott...
David Adkins finds a way to once again be culturally relevant, sort of
Posted on April 13, 2009You might know David Adkins better as Sinbad, that hunky dude right over there. Jingle All the Way, Good Burger, Houseguest ... he's the bringer of joy into all of our lives. But lately, he's been flying under the radar....
Nothing cheers me up on a busy work day like some Southern hijinks
Posted on April 09, 2009Busy busy beaver at work at the moment, so let's cut right to the chase. A 52-year-old Texas woman showed up to a wake in Arkansas with a can of beer ("nothing drowns the sorrow like PBR!"). When asked to...
Let's see you do that, Twitter!
Posted on April 08, 2009The folks that run Facebook are, if you believe the press, running amuck with concern that Twitter is the next big thing that will lay waste to Facebook's paper value and user base. But Facebook, not Twitter, is what helped...
Well fiddle-dee-sticks, this here arrest is the spot of oil done wasted my perfectly good bucket of water
Posted on April 07, 2009(From The Smoking Gun, as always.)...
Aussie politics is so much better than our US baloney
Posted on April 06, 2009Danny Lim is a Sydney politician (I don't understand a lick about Australian politics, but it sounds like he sits on the city council, as a representative of Strathfield, a Sydney suburb). Back in February, he lodged a motion with...
I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough and, Doggone It, The Court Likes Me
Posted on April 02, 2009So there's still a little Senate race going on in Minnesota, even though the election was five months ago. Comedian Al Franken beat out incumbent Norm Coleman and Coleman didn't take his loss siting down. Recounts and court challenges ensued,...
Two students enter, one student leaves!
Posted on March 31, 2009Donald Moten is the former principal of South Oak Cliff High, a Dallas high school. For two years, from 2003 through 2005, a 2008 report says that Moten arranged for student cage matches in a form of "gladiator-style entertainment." Moten...
Awwww ... I think Matt Taibbi's in love
Posted on March 30, 2009Last week, you might have seen an op-ed letter published by the Gray Lady, wherein an AIG executive v.p. offers a self-satisfying resignation because he's not getting his big honking bonus, even though he's purportedly guilt-free and just a simple...
Whaaaaaaaaaa? You arrested who now for the what now?
Posted on March 27, 2009(From The Smoking Gun, of course)...
So that's how they're figuring out how to fix things!
Posted on March 27, 2009South ParkWed 10pm / 9cBailout!comedycentral.com...
Turkey basters and alcohol don't mix
Posted on March 26, 2009One recent Tuesday afternoon, Jennifer Lighten was chilling in her apartment when her wife, Stephanie Lighten, came home (they live in Massachusetts, one of those places going to hell for letting the gays marry). Stephanie was apparently three sheets to...
Letting someone else do the dirty work -- that's the American way!
Posted on March 25, 2009Two guys decided that the way to make some quick cash would be to rob the local jewelry store. And they managed to execute their plan flawlessly, scooping up cash and gems from the Milwaukee store. But then they ran...
Happy Puppy
Posted on March 25, 2009Michelle Owen, of Indiana, didn't like or trust her ex-boyfriend. Concerned that he had used her laptop to search for kiddy porn, she asked the cops to take a look at her computer. But she didn't just come into the...
New Jersey almost went back to the 70s
Posted on March 24, 2009The New Jersey Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling (aside: do all states have such a board?) recently considered a proposal which would've made the Jersey Shore a lot more, uhm, fuzzy this summer, because it would have banned the Brazilian...
Smells like Florida's own Florida had a healthy plate of baked beans for breakfast
Posted on March 24, 2009According to The Legal Satyricon, Florida has its own Florida, and its name is Polk County. A resident of this county, 15-year-old Johnathan Locke, Jr. "has been accused of passing gas on the school bus, and for that mere accusation...
Now that's how you deal with airport security!
Posted on March 20, 2009I love the Brits: A pilot furious at being searched before flying dropped his pants and exposed himself to security staff, then raged: "Do you want to search this?" ... A source said: "The pilot was asked to take off...
You mean the media sometimes plays fast-and-loose and doesn't keep things in perspective and context? That can't be right...
Posted on March 20, 2009...wait, so is this suggesting that a bottle of gin and a night with your daughter is a bad thing? (Comic comes, of course, from XKCD)...
Funky Copyright
Posted on March 20, 2009Some crafty dude scoured YouTube for various music clips and edited them together into a massive funked mash-up. It's pretty damn cool, and could be a great piece for use in a copyright class to discuss the issues of sampling,...
Gotham Streets to Be Safe Once Again
Posted on March 19, 2009Well, thank goodness: Judge dismisses charges against Batman Walsh Ian Nichols, a Tampa-area man, had been arrested last fall for wearing a Batman mask (advantage, Florida). While eating sushi (game, Florida). And he was arrested because a state law forbids...
What a sunuvabitch
Posted on March 19, 2009Seventy-three-year-old Josef Fritzl, an Austrian, is a fucking scumbag. This Vincent Price-looking bastard kept his daughter captive in a dank cellar for 24 years, only speaking to her, for the most part, when he would come down to rape her....
Irish Pride!
Posted on March 18, 2009This should've gone up yesterday, in honor of St. Paddy's day, but thanks to South by Southwest, I'm running a bit behind on everything, so you'll just have to forgive the lateness: (From The Smoking Gun, of course)...
Uhm ... ewwwwwwww
Posted on March 13, 2009Ok, so that last story about lizard shit? That was the vanilla cake. Here's your chocolate icing: A student barred from lectures because of his smelly feet has won a ten-year legal fight to return. Professors and fellow students at...
Uhm ... ew?
Posted on March 13, 2009A British student, Daniel Bennett, is involved in a legal battle with the university where he's a grad student, Leeds University. Over 77 pounds of lizard shit. He had collected the samples from remote areas of the Philippines as part...
Can Superman fix the Recession?
Posted on March 12, 2009I love Jon Hamm, I love bailout humor, and I love intentionally poorly-done bald caps, so this video pretty much has everything: (Hat tip: What's Alan Watching?)...
*whisper* you're going the wrong way
Posted on March 11, 2009Down in Georgia, Harry Jackson was recently busted trying to sneak into jail: Camden County Sheriff Tommy Gregory says Harry Jackson had broken out of the jail, strolled to a nearby convenience store where he broke in and stole 14...
Georgia - the new Florida?
Posted on March 11, 2009First, there was the guy who broke back into jail. Now, there's Snellville City Councilman Robert Jenkins. Seems that the local mayor is trying to clean up the area, so he urged code enforcers to tell the Councilman that he...
Are you having a laugh?
Posted on March 10, 2009British traffic officers have no sense of humor (or "humour," if you will: Gary Saunders, a company director, was using a hands-free phone when he burst out laughing at a joke told by his brother-in-law, who he was talking to....
Clyde Tombough can't roll all the way back over in his grave, but he can nudge onto his side a little
Posted on March 09, 2009Sometimes, states stand up and thumb their nose at modern science. When fucking Kansas does it by allowing their teachers to teach intelligent design as scientific fact, I cry a little. When Illinois does it by saying "fuck all y'all,...
If this thing doesn't work out, they can always rent some kids from the Clown Car Octo-Mom
Posted on March 02, 2009Might Have Shoulda Considered Cremation, Eh?
Posted on February 26, 2009Keep this in mind when your grandma dies and you can't afford her funeral expenses: A funeral director accused of leaving a woman's body to decay in a parked hearse after her relatives failed to pay the bill was arrested...
So, Does This Mean I Can Refer to Mr. Freilich as "Seth the Jew"?
Posted on February 26, 2009According to Clint Eastwood, there's just not enough racist humor anymore. In former times we constantly made jokes about different races. 'You can only tell them today with one hand over your mouth otherwise you will be insulted as a...
Ok, this is taking the "lawyers are bloodsucking vampires" thing a little too far
Posted on February 26, 2009Jonathon Sharkey has filed a lawsuit on behalf of himself and "The Vampyre Nation" against the United States government, seeking sovereignty for the Vampyre Nation. For those like me who didn't know any better: The Vampyre Nation herein known as...
The Usual Suspect
Posted on February 26, 2009If you didn't see Tuesday night's "The Daily Show," well, there's something you need to know:...
Drunk? Get outta here!
Posted on February 24, 2009Good on ya, Eric Marusak of Florida. The job carried out by the police is hard enough without folks lying to them: According to a report from the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, a Port Richey officer spotted the car going...
Seizus-Interruptus
Posted on February 24, 2009If you live in Washington state and enjoy trolling for hookers, you're gonna love these bits of proposed legislation. There are two identical bills pending in the state's House and Senate which would allow cops to seize and impound your...
Reefer Will Save The Economy
Posted on February 24, 2009Want to quickly raise money some cash to save your state's massive budget deficit? A legislator in California has presented an easy, brilliant solution: A state legislator is reviving the debate about legalizing marijuana as a way of raising money...
QuizLaw Oddsmakers: Utah State Senator Chris Buttars next politician to come out of the closet
Posted on February 23, 2009Chris Buttars is a peach. Last month, he sat down for an interview in a documentary called 8: The Mormon Proposition. Check out some of these choice quotes about the gays: "They're mean. They want to talk about being nice....
Compassion: Thy Name is Bunning
Posted on February 23, 2009Former Phillies "great" and ridiculously conservative U.S. Senator, Jim Bunning, is the kind of compassionate Senator who is more interested in humanity than he is in politics. He'd certainly like to see a Conservative Supreme Court, but he's not so....
The (Kinda-Sorta) Daily Memo - 2/23/09
Posted on February 23, 2009Some of the many ways BigLaw bilks BigCorporation. (Bitter Lawyer) Wait, a "motion to kiss my ass" is the worst motion ever? I beg to differ. (Supreme Dicta) PACER is terrible, but it should still be free. (Concurring Opinions) A...
Maybe Social Medicine Is Not Such a Great Idea
Posted on February 20, 2009Not unless you make it profitable for dentists, at least. Check out England's newest problem: Tooth decay is now the third most common reason children are admitted to hospital, official figures showed yesterday. Nearly 37,000 kids a year are kept...
Go Ahead: Tell Me How It's Not Racist
Posted on February 19, 2009Despite the fact that it was the NY Post, which is about as classy as Coors Light nipple pasties, I was willing -- in my mind -- to give them the benefit of the doubt with regard to the controversial...
Who's got time to run when there's drinking to be done?
Posted on February 19, 2009From Florida, of course: A man who tried to rob a convenience store and made off with two bottles of beer didn't make it far -- sheriff's deputies found him sitting on the bench outside the store with the booze....
Obama's going to fix the economy the same way I fixed my kitchen cabinet
Posted on February 18, 2009(Hat tip to Tammy.)...
This is what's wrong with our education system people
Posted on February 18, 2009We don't pay our teachers enough money. So sometimes they're forced to go off and get second jobs. Like fourth-grade Ohio teacher Amber Carter, who picked up a side job as a prostitute. The lovely Ms. Carter found her johns...
Another reason Neil Gaiman is my favorite author
Posted on February 17, 2009I love me some Neil Gaiman. "The Sandman," "American Gods," "Anansi Boys," too many short stories to name -- brilliant shit, all of 'em. But Gaiman has shown himself, time and again, to be more than simply a good writer....
Judge to Hot Chicks: "Only a douchebag would file a lawsuit like this"
Posted on February 17, 2009A while back we told you about a lawsuit filed over the "Hot Chicks with Douchebags" website and book. As you may recall, it wasn't the purported douchebags suing -- rather, three of the pictured hot chicks were suing for...
Whatever with the youth of tomorrow when I can get some serious scrilla in my own pocket!
Posted on February 17, 2009When any governmental agency runs smoothly, you know that there must be shenanigans afoot. And so it was with one of the Wilkes-Barre, PA juvenile courts, where "[y]oungsters were brought before judges withou a lawyer, given hearings that lasted only...
If you could sue anytime someone does anything remotely offensive, I'd be in a heap of trouble
Posted on February 16, 2009Ok, look, we've all seen the picture of little Miley Cyrus pulling her eyes back all slantey-like, right? Sure, I can see how folks are offended. And I can see how Asians are particularly offended, which is why apologies were...
Man's Truck Steals Itself
Posted on February 13, 2009You know, back in the 90s, you could actually pull the keys out of your ignition without putting your car in park (I think most newer cars have corrected this flaw). For dumbasses like myself, the results aren't always pretty....
Male Fantasy Not All that Fantastic
Posted on February 12, 2009I think a lot of dudes probably get off on the idea of seeing two hot twins make out with each other. But when you really think about it ... well, that's "twincest." And that's kind of gross, actually....
Moms Don't Let their Kid's Friends Drive Drunk
Posted on February 12, 2009One of the laws we spend a lot of time on in first-year Torts was the dram shop laws, which hold bars and liquor stores liable if they sell alcohol to a visibly drunk person or a minor who goes...
What's More Loathsome than the KKK? The P-E-T-A.
Posted on February 11, 2009I appreciate PETA's no-fur message, but I'll tell you what: They are a vile, odious little organization that is doing far more harm to their mission than they are doing good. Seriously. "Is this really the KKK?" somebody asked the...
Florida Epitomized
Posted on February 10, 2009Last week, we posted a story about a pizza shop owner who pistol whipped a customer who complained that his take-out order was incorrect. We thought at the time that the owner had perhaps blown things a little out of...
Is this part of their new "show your thighs for the skies" promotion?
Posted on February 10, 2009Karin Keegan is a Delta flight attendant. In October '07, she tried to snag herself a standby seat ib a JetBlue flight (JetBlue has an agreement to let Delta flight attendants standby on flights to their job assignment cities). But...
A Random F**king Thought ...
Posted on February 09, 2009I'm sure this is the sort of thing that's probably been discussed to death on actual political blogs, and I'm sure there's a very simple answer to it that I just don't know. But this question has been nagging...
Common Sense Lesson #160
Posted on February 09, 2009Don't tell your girlfriend, pregnant for nine months, that you've been cheating on her. At least not in person: A woman who is nine months pregnant was charged with felonious assault early Friday morning after she allegedly stabbed a man...
Common Sense Has No Place in Legal Briefs!
Posted on February 09, 2009(Courtesy Daily Legal Cartoons, with a hat tip to Legal Antics)...
What does this have to do with the law?
Posted on February 06, 2009Not a god damned thing. But it's Friday, and a dad filming his kid fresh out of the dentist's office and all hopped up on the pain meds is just good times. (I realize most of you may have already...
Still think old people shouldn't have to take special driver exams?
Posted on February 06, 2009Every few years, there's a story of some batty old person who has no business driving causing mayhem behind the wheel. The most vivid in my recollection is from a few years ago, where some old dude plowed through the...
America, Fuck Yeah!
Posted on February 06, 2009Remember that guy from a few hours ago, the cat with the friendly little "how ya' doing" on his forehead? Well if he had been arrested in South Dakota instead of California, and if he were facing charges for cursing...
Hey! Star Trek Nerds: Here's a Dumb Criminal Story for You
Posted on February 05, 2009I'd never heard of a bat'leth before some dude robbed a couple of 7/11s with one. For the unfamiliar, it's the most popular weapon among Klingon warriors. It was forged by Kahless the Unforgettable. And if you want to...
Congress Really Knows How to Improve its Image (*Facepalm*)
Posted on February 05, 2009.cc_box a:hover .cc_home{background:url('http://www.comedycentral.com/comedycentral/video/assets/syndicated-logo-over.png') !important;}.cc_links a{color:#b9b9b9;text-decoration:none;}.cc_show a{color:#707070;text-decoration:none;}.cc_title a{color:#868686;text-decoration:none;}...
OMG! If Obama's Stimulus Package Doesn't Pass, We're All Going to Lose Our Jobs. Twice!
Posted on February 04, 2009Well, at least according to Nancy Pelosi, who believes that, without the package, "500 million" of us will lose our jobs. That's more than twice the working population of America. We're deep sh*t, folks....
The Great Escape ... Not so Great
Posted on February 04, 2009Here's what happens when two men attempt to escape police, while handcuffed to one another. Hey! Watch out for that pole ... Doh! Jumping Jellybeans, that's embarassing. (H/T JP)...
Rod Blagojevich on The Late Show
Posted on February 04, 2009Here's just the first part (if you want the other parts, check YouTube). And Letterman mocks the living hell out of the guy. God bless Dave: He's not timid....
Ricky Gervais almost has it right
Posted on February 04, 2009Over on his blog, funnyman Ricky Gervais has posted a proposal to Barack Obama via an open letter. It's funny, as you will read, but it's not quite the right plan. Dear Mr President, Firstly, congratulations on your historic win....
Taxachusetts Set to Become Douchiest State in the Union
Posted on February 03, 2009Oh, sure: Gays can get married in Massachusetts, but if the Bay State has its way, they won't be able to avoid state sales tax by registering for wedding gifts in New Hampshire: Massachusetts has ordered a tire chain to...
Introducing Our Newest Caped Crusader: Sleepy Man
Posted on February 03, 2009Hey: In these tough economic times, it's not always affordable to go out and buy an actual cape. Sometimes, we just have to make do. Authorities said a man wearing a sleeping bag as a cape and carrying a screwdriver...
Manhattan Cops Bamboozle the Gays
Posted on February 02, 2009This little scheme the cops are pulling on gay men in Manhattan is downright ridiculous: Anger is building against the police department in the wake of an increase in arrests of gay men for prostitution at Manhattan adult video stores....
A Few Super Bowl Watchers Got More Than They'd Anticipated
Posted on February 02, 2009What's better than the Super Bowl? How about a little porn? That's what a few Arizona watchers got during last night's telecast. It might've been OK had it occurred during the otherwise dull first quarter, but it cut in during...
The Best Praaaaaaank Ever?
Posted on January 30, 2009Take that, MIT and Cal Tech. You've just been outpranked: Someone reprogrammed two city construction road signs near the University of Texas early Monday morning in an attempt to warn Austin of an imminent zombie attack. Messages that typically...
Woman Rapes Man How?
Posted on January 30, 2009You don't read too often about women sexually assaulting men, but this one -- compliments of The Smoking Gun -- is weird, not just for the act, but for the ... method: Meet Janice McCarl. The Colorado woman, 53, was...
Oranges Are Apparently More Dangerous than I Thought
Posted on January 29, 2009The next time the terrorists want to attack the United States, they might want to trade in their dirty bombs for a few oranges. Deadly stuff, you know: Two Marion County boys are facing felony charges after reportedly throwing oranges...
This Is Why I Don't Send Food Back
Posted on January 29, 2009I don't care how bad it is, or how screwed up an order, I'll almost always accept what is given me at a restaurant and shut the hell up, knowing that sending something back or complaining is never going to...
Monkeys Aren't the Only Ones That Can Fling Crap
Posted on January 29, 2009What's the easiest way to get yourself a mistrial? Smear shit on your attorney and then fling it at the jury. Yeah. Literally. A San Diego judge has declared a mistrial in a kidnapping and assault case after the defendant...
Because the 190th Time is the Charm
Posted on January 28, 2009How do you stay out of jail long enough to even be arrested 190 times? Police say a 46-year-old man was arrested for the 190th time in Florida last week. Authorities arrested Henry Farrell after he tried to carjack a...
Cause this is lawsuit, lawsuit night!
Posted on January 28, 2009Michael Jackson is being sued and this time it has nothing to do with kid piddling. Rather, director John Landis is tweaked that, for the last four years, Jackson hasn't bothered to pony up any of the royalties for their...
Where Is that Fourth Amendment? I Know I Had it Around Here Somewhere.
Posted on January 28, 2009The Supreme Court, now apparently firmly titled to the conservative side when it comes to Fourth Amendment matters, has struck another blow against our constitution protections. The Court today ruled that passengers pulled over for a routine traffic stop can...
Kind of Funny or Kind of Offensive?
Posted on January 28, 2009I don't know. The ladies over on Jezebel are up-in-arms over a tacky joke that former president, George H.W. Bush, told at an automobile dealer's convention (which Bill Clinton also attended). I dunno -- it's equal parts amusing and...
Rocky raccoon pulls a Bobbit
Posted on January 28, 2009Who in the hell gets turned on by a raccoon? And if you are actually sick enough to try and rape one, you'd think you'd want to take some safety precautions. Teeth wise. So it won't, oh I don't know,...
Barack Obama Wins One for Common Sense
Posted on January 27, 2009How about that. Just hours after we criticized the contraception funding the Democrats are trying to squeeze into the new stimulus, Barack Messiah Obama, laid down a little common sense and asked the Dems to pull it. House Democrats are...
Who's a classy broad?
Posted on January 27, 2009Look no further, the answer's right here! (Courtesy of The Smoking Gun, of course)...
Contraception Will Save the Economy!
Posted on January 26, 2009So, I'm sure you're all very aware that President Obama is trying to get a $825 billion stimulus plan enacted by Valentine's Day, with the hope -- ultimately -- of creating 3 million new jobs and saving the world. I...
The Least Funny Stupid Criminal of All Time
Posted on January 26, 2009This just pisses me off, and I simply can't imagine the inhumanity, the fucked-up, sick shit going through this dude's head. Clearly, he is mentally unstable. And though I'm no proponent of the death penalty, this guy deserves nothing less...
F' this guy!
Posted on January 26, 2009There's this fucker down in South Carolina, Robert Ford, who's a state senator. And this sumbitch cocksucker has a bill ready for filing which would ban lewd language, to the tune of up to five fucking years in the clink...
A Monday Morning Puzzle
Posted on January 26, 2009As I'm writing this entry on Sunday night, I'm watching the documentary Wordplay, about crossword puzzles. With apologies to Will Shortz for using a rather rudimentary puzzle form, let's play fill-in-the-blank with this story about Elbert Duffy (the man with...
Would They Have Done the Same If He Were Wearing an American Flag Shirt?
Posted on January 23, 2009So, this dude who works at a Sam's in Florida (oh, brother) got reprimanded for wearing a T-shirt with Obama's face on it. A Jacksonville man who chose to show his support for the new president by wearing a shirt...
Barack and Michelle: Ouch.
Posted on January 23, 2009Pay close attention to what this nice, lilly-white woman has to say about Barack and Michelle's love for each other. Ummm. Methinks she might want to check the Urban Dictionary before she speaks to television audiences. (Big H/T Deus...
Florida + Ninja = Awesome!
Posted on January 23, 2009That headline came from reader Sean with a link to this story. Does it live up to his hype? A ninja, or at least someone dressed like one, is lurking in the shadows of Palm Beach County. The Palm Beach...
"Scathing Review of Bitchy Hookers?"
Posted on January 23, 2009In Ohio, Robert McFadden has been arrested for a website he runs. Seems that McFadden's site allowed folks to post review of hookers. The cops say that McFadden traded information about street walkers and online escorts, including a 17-year-old girl,...
Now this is a mustache ride I'd take!
Posted on January 22, 2009Dustin recently put together a list of the best and worst mustaches in Hollywood. Too bad this criminal ain't in Hollywood, because he can teach Magnum a thing or two about how a real man busts the 'stache. (Hat tip...
I showed up and puncshed my time card, sho what else didja wantshfromme?
Posted on January 22, 2009Peru's version of the Supremes sees nothing wrong with folks coming to work a little drunk, ruling that being on the job sloshed isn't a reason for being fired! One of the justices said the firing was not warranted because,...
Retardation is only a theory!
Posted on January 22, 2009In Mississippi, Rep. Gary Chism is introducing a bill in attempt to include a nice little disclaimer in their high school textbooks. It has something to do with his belief that evolution is horseshit. See for yourself: "This textbook discusses...
I Kind of Feel Like the Polygamists Have a Point
Posted on January 22, 2009Up in Canada, where far fewer Americans are making plans to relocate thanks to Obama, an interesting legal question has arisen. See, up in Canada, those liberal minded heathens have legalized gay marriage and, thus, modified the definition of marriage...
O ... oh! ... OH! ... OBA--yaaaaaawn
Posted on January 21, 2009Sounds like it's going to be some gruelling and tired times for the Obama staff: With the metabolism of a White House set by its occupant, Obama's team is preparing for a return to long nights, heavy weekend shifts -...
O ... oh! ... OH! ... OBAMA!!!!
Posted on January 21, 2009What better way to celebrate the new President than by celebrating with the new President. Well not "with" him like, "you and Barack chilling out over a pizza pie and pitcher of beer." More "with" him like, "sticking a freaky-Obama...
The (Kinda-Sorta) Daily Memo - 1/21/09
Posted on January 21, 2009A former Big Law associate is suing his old firm for wrongful termination, defamation, and a slew of other shit, throwing several partners and associates under the bus in the process -- this will definitely end well. (Above the Law)...
Dude: It's Not The Words, It's the Way You Say Them
Posted on January 21, 2009.cc_box a:hover .cc_home{background:url('http://www.comedycentral.com/comedycentral/video/assets/syndicated-logo-over.png') !important;}.cc_links a{color:#b9b9b9;text-decoration:none;}.cc_show a{color:#707070;text-decoration:none;}.cc_title a{color:#868686;text-decoration:none;}...
A Black Man in the White House. Hell Yeah!
Posted on January 20, 2009What the hell are we supposed to write today? Dumb criminal and stupid lawyer stories seem fairly inappropriate, and there's no sense in trying to go about business as usual. This is history, motherfuckers. Hmmm. Did y'all see Jill Biden...
Do it for Dawkins
Posted on January 16, 2009Seth is still to goddamn busy to post (settlement conference today, I believe), so I'm gonna do the nice thing and post this good-luck, inspirational video in his stead, ahead of this weekend's Eagles vs. Cardinals (really?) game. He'd...
RIP John Mortimer: 1923 - 2009
Posted on January 16, 2009John Mortimer has just died. He was 85. And despite my legal training, I had no idea who he was until PaddyDog suggested we run an obit on him. Per PaddyDog: A barrister who abandoned the safe side of the...
The New York Giants can't even be the best when it comes to shooting yourself
Posted on January 15, 2009Last Sunday the New York Football Giant were embarrassed at home by a hungry and expectations-free squad of Philly Eagles. Good times. Part of the reason the Gints couldn't get it done was because they were without their star receiver...
Bah. I Didn't Really Care for the Fourth Amendment Anyway
Posted on January 15, 2009In case you missed it, yesterday The Sups basically trounced all over our Fourth Amendment rights, further de-fanging the exclusionary rule in search and seizure cases. The conservative majority essentially stated that if the police accidentally violate your Constitutional rights...
Daddy's little cash cow
Posted on January 15, 2009From MSNBC: "A California man has been arrested for arranging for his 14-year-old daughter to marry a neighbor in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat, police said. Authorities in Greenfield, a farming community on...
The kids are alright
Posted on January 15, 2009Back in December, Quizlaw reported on a family that was refused a birthday cake with their son's name on it , the son in question was named Adolf Hitler. Apparently Adolf and his sisters have now been removed from their...
Fish Fight
Posted on January 15, 2009When I read the headline "naked man with raw trout beats shoe salesman" I was a little worried someone had stolen my ultimate fantasy. Not so much the naked and shoe salesman part, but it has been a lifelong dream...
Mickey Rourke: Really Not that Cool
Posted on January 14, 2009Look: I love a good comeback story as much as the next guy, and if you've seen The Wrestler, you know that Mickey Rourke deserves a lot of accolades for his work. But what seems to be forgotten in the...
Wow. Our Speaker of the House is Hilarious
Posted on January 14, 2009Ladies and Gentlemen, Nancy Pelosi put this video together, apparently with all the spare time she had between not saving the economy and Botoxing her face into oblivion. And it's Hi-Larious -- it features Pelosi's cats, but it's really...
Stepping away from the insanity for a moment...
Posted on January 14, 2009So yeah, not so much posting from me of late, as we're basically in full-on trial mode. Aside from carving out a few hours each week to enjoy the expectations-free playoff run of a certain Philadelphia football team, I've been...
Floridian's Stupidity is Another Man's Gain
Posted on January 13, 2009They just make it so easy on the cops, don't they? A man who Pasco sheriff's deputies say attempted to steal about $2,000 worth of fishing poles from a parked boat didn't help his situation by telling deputies during questioning...
Gideon v. Wainwright Just Jumped the Shark in Washington
Posted on January 13, 2009If you're caught skipping class in Washington, you might want to get used to this refrain: "You have a right to an attorney, anything you do or say can be held ... " A panel of judges has apparently made...
I Mean, Hooters is Sexist. Why Shouldn't Men Sue?
Posted on January 13, 2009TMZ.com is making a big hullaballoo over the fact that a few guys are filing suit against Hooters because of gender discrimation -- they weren't hired because they are men. TMZ puts it this way: These dumbasses -- led by...
And You Thought You Were Wasting Your Life Away ...
Posted on January 12, 2009If, after 26 years, you still haven't mastered your hobby, here's an idea: Get a different one. It has taken most of his life - but, after 26 years, builder Graham Parker has finally solved the puzzle of the Rubik's...
It's Not Like He's Gonna Eat the Kid
Posted on January 12, 2009In Arkansas, you can't adopt a child if you're gay. In England, apparently you can't adopt a child if you're fat. A man has been told he cannot adopt a child because he is overweight. Damien Hall was told by...
Jackass Punditry of the Day
Posted on January 12, 2009From Joe the Plumber (Samuel Wurzelbacher), who is reporting on the war in Israel for the conservatire outfit, JJTV.com: I'll be honest with you. I don't think journalists should be anywhere allowed war. I mean, you guys report where our...
You Can't Throw a Pie in a Guy's Face When It's Already Covered in Custard
Posted on January 09, 2009By virtue of making fun of himself first, I do believe that Anderson Cooper has just bought three months immunity from "The Daily Show." He is a handsome fella, too. And lookie: Puppys!...
What's so bizarre about this?
Posted on January 09, 2009From Darwin, Australia: Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39, pleaded guilty in the Darwin Magistrates Court to dangerous driving. He was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway in July speeding at 147 kilometres per hour, south of Daly Waters. He...
If You're Gonna Steal a Car for a High Speed Chase, Make Sure It's not Explosive
Posted on January 09, 2009Here's some real Grand Theft Auto stuff: One robbery suspect is dead and another in police custody after a bizarre pursuit Thursday night that ended in a fiery wreck that has shut down a portion of the Brookshire Freeway. Police...
"I'll give you a penny for your thoughts." "Well I've got about 300,000 thoughts." "Not a problem."
Posted on January 08, 2009The weird thing about this story from Indiana is that Craig Stueber had been collecting pennies for 30 years, accumulating about 300,000 of the little Lincolns. The weirder thing is that some dude stole them pennies. Stueber reported that he...
What a Paternity Clusterf**k
Posted on January 08, 2009One of our illustrious readers, Darcy, pointed me toward yet another WTF decision by a Canadian court (you think our court system is messed up? They just make shit up in Canada). It involves a father who learned that he...
Modern-day Calvin sorely misses his Hobbes
Posted on January 08, 2009When I think "four-year-old boy," I almost always picture Calvin. Cute little, pugnacious kid with messy blond hair, dragging around his stuffed tiger and tossing aside philosophical quips when he's not too busy turning cardboard boxes into high-technology...
Playoffs? Don't talk about ... playoffs?
Posted on January 07, 2009The NFL playoffs are full steam ahead. And while some of us (me) are happy to see our teams (E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!) still in the hunt, others of us (Dustin) aren't so lucky (smell you later, Colts). At the moment, the...
Another Sad Hoarding Story
Posted on January 07, 2009A few months ago, I posted about a 73-year-old man in England who had hoarded over 100 tons of trash in his home and the city was called in to clean up his place. Now, a 74-year-old man in...
HaHaHa! Who's Laughing Now, Dumbass?
Posted on January 07, 2009You ever wonder what might happen if you actually did make that bomb joke rattling around your head every time you enter an airport. Ask this guy: A St. Louis man finds out the hard way that jokes about shoe...
The (Kinda-Sorta) Daily Memo - 1/7/09
Posted on January 07, 2009The billable hour may never go away, and it's all Herm Edwards' fault. (Above the Law) Well that sure didn't take long - Norm Coleman's taking Al Franken's Senate victory to court. (Law.com) For my money, until the law bans...
Obama Loves Peach Cobbler. Communists Love Peach Cobbler. Coincidence?
Posted on January 06, 2009I think not. Seven years ago, Barry appeared on a restaurant review show and so dominated the conversation that the producers decided not to air it. Conspiracy?...
Worst Roommate Ever?
Posted on January 06, 2009I once found a roommate online -- nice guy. Was never home on weekends. Liked gay porn a little much for my taste -- mostly because he looked at it on the desktop, in the living room -- but otherwise,...
QuizLaw's Future Lawsuit of the Day
Posted on January 06, 2009(Image via The Smoking Gun; H/T branded)...
Well there are ten thousand spoons, but where's my knife?!
Posted on January 06, 2009Last month, a gal in Nevada was busted for a DUI. Lady was pulled over, and while she said she had only had one margarita, she failed her field sobriety test and blew above a 0.08 on the ol' too-much-booze-in-blood...
My new favorite Senator!
Posted on January 06, 2009By 225 votes, Minnesota is Al Franken's. Hot diggity. Of course, Norm Coleman isn't taking the election certification sitting down, as he's planning a full-own legal onslaught. (Hat tip to If a TV Falls in the Woods for the video...
Today in Dead Cat News
Posted on January 05, 2009In furtherance of my New Year's resolution to write as often as possible about meaningless news stories, here's a doozy of a worthless story: The first family leaving the White House this month will be without one of its longtime...
Show Me Your Nuts
Posted on January 05, 2009Man, how bad is the recession? Even the squirrels are getting screwed: An acorn shortage in Indiana's woodlands has cut into squirrels' chief food source and given hunters more chances to bag some of the furry rodents. Biologists aren't...
Greta's Hansel Arrested in New Year's Robbery
Posted on January 05, 2009This guy apparently has bread crumb dyslexia. A messy thief was arrested after a trail of popcorn kernels led police from a burglarized store to the suspect's living room. California Police say a Food Stop store was robbed early New...
The (Kinda-Sorta) Daily Memo - 1/2/09
Posted on January 02, 2009What does Ben Roethlisberger have to do with the fact that the U.S. News and World Report law school rankings are kinda fucked up? (Law.com) Hey, remember that pinball machine from What Women Want? Yeah, neither does anyone else, which...
Oh Charles, you're supposed to get crazy DUIs after you become a politician, not before
Posted on January 02, 2009Earlier this week, Charles Barkley was arrested for a DUI. And although a drunk Barkley driving around with a gun in the car is rather terrifying, there are some amusing pieces to the story According to the officer who wrote...
This is like something out of a Penthouse letter...
Posted on December 31, 2008Dear Penthouse, So I'm sitting at home alone when a chick walks into my house. She opened a sliding door in the back and just quietly crept in. I was minding my own business when she walked in and up...
This gal is a peach
Posted on December 31, 2008Ladies and gentlemen, I present Britain's Jane Hofmann: When a wealthy businessman's wife got lost in her Mercedes on the way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, she did not stop to ask for directions. Instead she stopped at a supermarket,...
Silly couple, it's "sleeps with the fishes"
Posted on December 30, 2008A couple in Ohio got in some trouble when county officials found that they had a rather unsanitary home. Which certainly wasn't helped any by the 124 cats. Seventy-one of which were dead. Most of which were wrapped in newspapers...
Cruel pigs!
Posted on December 30, 2008Daniel Osborne just wanted to see his mother for Christmas. But she lives in Washington, and he was in Salt Lake City. What's a guy to do, when he has no money for a plane, train or automobile? Well Osborne...
The (Kinda-Sorta) Daily Memo - 12/29/08
Posted on December 29, 2008Hey, did you guys know some crazy broad cured cancer? (Above the Law) Congrats to Sean Hannity, 2008's Misinformer of the Year. (Media Matters). Have you seen what's going to be included in the W Library? (Concurring Opinions) Rumey and...
Monday Morning Interrogation Theater
Posted on December 29, 2008We open on a police precinct in Boulder, Colorado. Specifically, we open in a suspect interrogation room, where we find Officer Kevin Granberg and two 17-year-old boys. We shall call them Acne and Backne. Officer Granberg: Do you boys know...
Overreact much?
Posted on December 29, 2008Last week, Dustin complained about parents who bring their screaming babies to the movies. Well a fella from my hometown feels your pain, Dustin, as Philadelphian (EAGLES!) James Joseph Ciaelell is now facing six charges, including aggravated assault and attempted...
Well they don't look fucking jolly at all!
Posted on December 24, 2008In a dangerous midnight raid, a joint task force made up of agents from the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, the IRS, the FDA, PETA, the AARP and WKRP in Cincinnati stormed the lone house sitting on the vast snowscape,...
Why Does this Man Want to Kill the Internet?
Posted on December 23, 2008A state lawmaker in Idaho, whose head is full of shiny, clinky rocks, has come up with worst idea ever: State Rep. Steve Hartgen, a former newspaper publisher, says he might introduce a bill to force people to use their...
Dude: At Least Let Her Finish the Job before Calling the Cops
Posted on December 23, 2008"Police arrested a married couple Sunday after a dispute over a haircut. Jaycee Houston, 34, told police that his wife, 29-year-old Angela Houston, cut off some of his hair during an argument at their Mount Healthy home. Authorities charged...
That's the Way the Cookie Cru ... What? He's Gonna Slash Their Wrists?
Posted on December 23, 2008I appreciate a man who takes pride in his job, but maybe this guy is a little too serious about his job. A Texas school bus driver has been arrested after allegedly brandishing a knife and threatening three sixth-graders for...
Why Does Saving the Environment Have to Be So Disgusting?
Posted on December 23, 2008A plastic surgeon out in L.A. has found an interesting alternative to unleaded fuel. Human fat! Liposuctioning unwanted blubber out of pampered Los Angelenos may not seem like a dream job, but it has its perks. Free fuel is one...
That's dedication!
Posted on December 22, 2008This one law professor in Michigan, he apparently thinks all the hypotheticals that law profs use are bullshit. Why give the students hypothetical problems to discuss when you can give them the real deal: A law student and the professor...
Stupid is As the Pervert Does
Posted on December 19, 2008Hey! When you're trying to tape the ladies taking a wee, you might want to avoid capturing yourself on camera. A video camera was found in the women's bathroom of a Buffalo Grove business Wednesday afternoon, but no footage was...
Gotcha Journalism is Back
Posted on December 19, 2008Hey! Did y'all hear that Bristol Palin -- Sarah Palin's knocked-up daughter-- is expected to have her child on Saturday? Looks like Grandma Johnston -- the father's mother -- may not be able to make it. A 42-year-old Wasilla woman...
How Many Prostitutes Look 12-Years-Old and Scream, 'Daddy, Daddy'?
Posted on December 19, 2008This story, out of Texas, comes again from QuizLaw confidential informant, Joyce: It was a little before 8 at night when the breaker went out at Emily Milburn's home in Galveston. She was busy preparing her children for school the...
Smoke 'em if you got 'em
Posted on December 18, 2008There's a woman in Muncie, Indiana named Honesty Knight. For serious. Honesty Knight. Anyway, Ms. Knight was recently in a car that was pulled over for a traffic violation. The trooper was talking to the driver about the traffic violation,...
Can I Smell Your Schweaty Balls?
Posted on December 18, 2008I guess it's cheaper than hiring a private investigator: Police are seeking an arrest warrant for a man accused of hitting his wife after she asked to smell his penis to determine whether he was cheating with another woman, according...
The $54 Million Pants Guy Goes Home with Empty Pockets
Posted on December 18, 2008Our friend, Judge Roy Pearson, has finally come to the end of his long journey, losing his final appeal in his efforts to mock the legal system. Roy L. Pearson, the former administrative law judge who sued his dry cleaner...
Shark Takes Joyride Down the Slide of Death
Posted on December 18, 2008Absolutely not legal related at all, but come on: A shark finds out what happens when you jump onto the kiddie slide. You die: "Yesterday morning at around 9:30 AM, prior to the resort's waterscape opening to guests, a 12+-year-old...
Well, Someone at Fox News Is Decent Enough to Call a Bitch a Bitch
Posted on December 17, 2008Alan Colmes -- the weird looking liberal over on Fox News (that the one liberal on the channel looks like an alien is probably part of their master plan) -- recently took issue with Anne Coulter after she inexplicably demanded...
Another Law Designed to Keep Lawyers in Bidness
Posted on December 17, 2008The latest state cyber-bullying law is getting its first test in Missouri after a 21-year-old woman threatened a 16-year-old girl via text message and dumped a can of pork and beans on her car. Apparently, the 16-year-old got a lot...
Well that'll harsh your buzz
Posted on December 17, 2008Donald L. Johnson was just trying to enjoy his high, man, when the local cops had to come in and bust it all up by arresting him and issuing 10 citations. Well, not so much citations as traffic tickets. Because...
What would Obama do?
Posted on December 17, 2008According to one Pennsylvania man, he'd show love for Hitler. Stick with me on this -- it'll make sense in a second. Heath Campbell and his wife Deborah are flipping angry. Deborah called the local ShopRite (a PA-area grocery store...
Taking hating your mother's guts to a whole new level!
Posted on December 16, 2008A wonderful Dutch reader of ours, Joyce, passed along this email (with the above brilliant headline) about a case that's right up QuizLaw's alley. Unfortunately, the only stories she found were in Dutch and we can only read Dutch when...
Which judge got the call right?
Posted on December 16, 2008Both judges were looking at criminal defendants with a history of crimes. In England, a 24-year-old heroin addict was sentenced with 14 years in the clink for burglary. But despite having committed 145 crimes, ">the judge deferred the guy's sentence....
Ok, explain this to me
Posted on December 16, 2008Look, I get the idea of banning smoking in the normal workplace. Workers didn't sign-up to work in a smokey joint that's bad for their health. And I get the idea of banning smoking in bars and restaurants, because, again,...
Fire Up Those Salivary Glands, Floridians ...
Posted on December 16, 2008In Sarasota, spitting is legal again! Hooray! City commissioners voted Monday to abolish a law dating back to 1908 that banned spitting. They argued the law was unenforceable. Lawyers said it was used to target those in lower income neighborhoods....
Well, You Can't Argue They Don't Have a Delicious Sense of the Ironic
Posted on December 15, 2008Here's a kidnapping expert you probably don't want to take any advice from: A well-known U.S. anti-kidnapping expert has himself fallen victim to the wave of abductions in Mexico as unidentified assailants snatched him from a street in the northern...
He Had it Comin' ...
Posted on December 15, 2008This is the best excuse since, "Honey. Honestly, I just slipped and fell and my penis landed in her vagina. For reals!" A man who tried to suffocate a prostitute told police the woman accidentally put her head inside the...
The (Kinda-Sorta) Daily Memo - 12/15/08
Posted on December 15, 2008The leading question on change.gov's list of submissions for Obama's transition teams is whether the soon-to-be-Prez will consider legalizing marijuana. (a href="http://www.salem-news.com/articles/december122008/barack_cannabis_12-12-08.php">Salem News) Yeah, no shit the SEC has some questions to answer about this Madoff debacle...
No textbook left behind
Posted on December 15, 2008Oh, Philly, you never disappoint: Superintendent Arlene Ackerman ordered audits of the textbook supply of every school in the 167,000-student district after some teenagers told Ackerman last month they did not have books. The district has spent $124 million in...
He Hates these Flags? Get Away from the Flags!
Posted on December 15, 2008Man, I may never get tired of this video and the look of dumb-ass shock on W's face when a shoe hurtles over his head. Is that a half-grin he displays? Also, is anyone else the least bit bothered...
Well that's a relief because, frankly, that's the last thing I want to see
Posted on December 15, 2008The (Kinda-Sorta) Daily Memo - 12/11/08
Posted on December 11, 2008Should we just let Obama enjoy his smokes? (Slate) Spoilsport judge orders a deposition excerpt to be taken down from YouTube. (Law.com) Learned Foote? (Supreme Dicta) Hey Larry Craig, do me a favor. Go the fuck away already. (WSJ Law...
How's this for a technicality?
Posted on December 11, 2008In most divorce cases, ex-spouses who are required to pay alimony usually only must do so until his or her ex picks up with a new significant other, generally defined by when that person is cohabiting with someone else. Out...
The economy is fixed!!!
Posted on December 11, 2008I mean it must be if Congress has time to focus on legislation aimed at ending the BCS in favor of a college football playoff The bill is being sponsored by a Texas Congressman, representative Joe Barton, and co-sponsored by...
Congrats, Canada! Your Obama is Coming ...
Posted on December 10, 2008Pajiba's Canadian Wonder, Ranylt Richildis, alerted me to the latest development in the Canadian political clusterfuck, and by most accounts, it's exceptional news. Michael Ignatieff has risen to the top of the Liberal Party, and looks likely to be...
Men can't help falling asleep after sex
Posted on December 10, 2008Seriously, we can't. It's in our DNA. So you can't really blame Vipul Romik Sharma for falling asleep after having sex. What you can blame him for is that said sex was forced after meeting a woman in a bar...
RIP Boston Legal
Posted on December 09, 2008(The following is cross-posted from Pajiba) After four-and-a-half quietly strong seasons, David E. Kelley's remarkable "Boston Legal" quietly passed away last night. We rarely mentioned "Boston Legal" around these parts, and though I contemplated it several times, I never mustered...
If William Tell Were a Fetishist ...
Posted on December 09, 2008... he'd probably be something like Vedran Ribaric, who combined his two favorite pastimes -- sex and shooting -- into one activity. Vedran Ribaric, 26, forced wife Mirna to strip to her knickers and run round her garden while he...
That Virgin Mary Sure Gets Around
Posted on December 09, 2008A reader, Mark, sent this tip, explaining that it doesn't have any real legal substance, but it does take place in Florida. That makes it close enough for our purposes. After all, QuizLaw is just as much about documenting the...
Where else can you read about Canadian politics and stupid Floridians in one fell swoop?
Posted on December 09, 2008No where but QuizLaw, that's where! Look, last week I posted about the fact that the ol' QuizLaw is in the running for quirkiest blawg of the year. I also said that we may not sink to the type of...
Public humiliation, thy name is this guy
Posted on December 09, 2008Frederick Tanne is a Manhattan senior partner at Kirkland & Ellis, a big firm of which I could say nasty things but won't because I'm about to go to trial against them and don't need to give them locker room...
QuizLaw's Mother of the Week Award Goes to:
Posted on December 08, 2008... Sherri A. Feuston, who discovered a better way than washing his mouth out with soap to punish her child for swearing. She drew on his head. With crayon. A Delaware County woman was arrested after her 9-year-old son told...
The Law is the Law is the Law. Damnit.
Posted on December 08, 2008And don't think that going into labor is gonna get you out of it. A man in Massachusetts is appealing a $100 ticket he got for driving to a hospital in the breakdown lane of a gridlocked Boston highway while...
The (Kinda-Sorta) Daily Memo - 12/8/08
Posted on December 08, 2008Here's a trick to upping the odds of the Supremes granting you some cert. (Slate) Looks like the Big 3 are getting their bailout as well. Seriously, where the fuck is my bailout? (Reuters) The first military execution in almost...
"That guy's bell sounds a bit muffled, no?"
Posted on December 08, 2008Poor Gerald Warner is homeless. So you could understand if he was feeling a bit bitter about his lot in life, or if he's lost a few of his marbles from years of the street life. But would you be...
This is some Hollywood shit...
Posted on December 08, 2008Last Thursday, four men stormed into a Harry Winston boutique in Paris. They were carrying sawed-off shotguns and disguised (two were wearing ski masks, and two were wearing wigs and makeup). The staff was pistol-whipped, rounded up, and ordered by...
Email Spam Now Threatening Your Personal Extinction
Posted on December 04, 2008So, I'm one of the dumbasses over on Facebook who just got a virus because I couldn't resist when I got a message from a "friend "I haven't spoken to in years that promised a video that included me....
The Situation in Canada Just Got a Little More Interesting
Posted on December 04, 2008A couple of days ago, I posted a piece on what's going on in Canadian politics, which turned out to inspire one of the most heated comment threads we've had on QuizLaw. What I learned was basically two things: 1)...
Give Your Child the Gift of Poison this X-Mas
Posted on December 04, 2008As the economy continues its free-fall and we head into the holiday season, we've started to hear a lot about the joys and benefits of cutting back on presents this Christmas. In case you need another reason, NPR reported today...
Dr. Horrible gets political...
Posted on December 04, 2008This video was everywhere on the internet yesterday. I ran across it on at least a dozen separate sites over the course of the day. Fuck, it was even posted as an article on our fantasy football league's site. And...
This explains so much ...
Posted on December 03, 2008Remember the movie Men in Black, where the big joke was that all the creepy, marginal, bizarre people in New York are actually aliens? It was funny because it kind of seemed like it could be true, right? Well, a...
The Christmas Spirit -- Florida Style
Posted on December 03, 2008Forget beating up Carolers. In Florida, they do Christmas right. And by "right," I mean: They beat each other up with Christmas trees. Authorities say a west Florida man who lives with his parents has been arrested on a felony...
Kids stab the darndest things
Posted on December 03, 2008You want quirky, ABA, how's this for quirky -- in Florida (where else?), a seven-year-old first grader has been arrested. And accused of robbing one of his classmates. In the school bathroom. For a dollar. At knifepoint. Oh, wait. That's...
We quirky!
Posted on December 02, 2008Last year, we won a hotly contested battled to be named the Best Generally Speaking Blog in the ABA Journal's Blawg 100. We begged, pleaded and stole to get the necessary votes, and it was worth it, because look at...
Why so bad fathering?
Posted on December 02, 2008A Salt Lake City man has pleaded guilty to a charge of reckless endangerment, stemming from an incident last July. Seems that David James Farnham decided to go see The Dark Knight while leaving his 2-year-old son locked up in...
The internet just makes it easier for cops to track stupid vandals
Posted on December 02, 2008Melanie Brockway, a suburban woman of my hometown Philly, was recently busted for vandalism after tagging a ton of local properties. The woman, who apparently calls herself an aspiring artist, "spray painted graffiti on homes, businesses, newspaper boxes, playground equipment...
All I Want for Christmas is your Two Front Teeth
Posted on December 02, 2008Here's yet another story out of Canada. Now that their Prime Minister is on the outs, irritated people have taken to punching out Christmas Carolers. Vancouver police say they are investigating a possible hate crime after a 24-year-old man was...
The Canadian Political System Confuses Me in the Brain
Posted on December 02, 2008I'm on the fence with regard to the logistics of the Canadian Parliamentary system. It's a weird feather. Right now, it's conservative Prime Minister, Stephen Harper -- who is in the minority government -- is in quite a pickle. He's...
Here's a New One: Harassment-by-Orgy
Posted on December 01, 2008I love cases of first impression. Especially ones that deal with orgies. A former manager of the upscale restaurant at the Hilton Minneapolis who allegedly walked in on upper management having an orgy has filed a lawsuit that probably stretches...
There Are Worse Ways to Be Robbed, I Suppose
Posted on December 01, 2008The "booby trap" pun is inevitable. And too appropriate not to re-use. Uganda's police warned male bar-goers to keep their noses clean after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests...
Now I Know Why the Cheesecake Factory is So Delicious
Posted on December 01, 2008They put a little love into every bite. Also, their genitals. Bryce Fitzpatrick was working at the Cheesecake Factory at Chandler Fashion Center when he was promoted from server to food expeditor, a step toward management. One day, while he...
The (Quasi) Daily Memo - 12/1/08
Posted on December 01, 2008Is the Bush Administration's stance on torture ultimately a question of truth or consequences? (Slate) Be warned -- in light of the verdict in the MySpace case, Orin Kerr has promulgates some new Terms of Use. (The Volokh Conspiracy) Is...
Well that's one way to end a high-speed chase
Posted on December 01, 2008Here in Southern California there are a lot of high-speed chases and the local news loves cutting into broadcasts to show the chases live. With good reason -- high-speed chases are awesome. Especially when they end like this one in...
This lawsuit stinks
Posted on December 01, 2008A federal judge has given the thumbs up to a civil suit brought by a Detroit city employee. Susan McBride, who works in the city's Planning Department, recently filed a lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act against the city,...
What did the hungry hooker say to her John?
Posted on November 26, 2008Gobble gobble! ...Thank you, I'll be here all week. ...Actually, I won't. QuizLaw's taking the rest of the week off. Enjoy your turkey, enjoy your football, enjoy your families leaving when it's all over, and enjoy your Black Friday (dump...
Things to be Thankful for This Thanksgiving
Posted on November 26, 2008I am thankful that "nature" didn't make me fall in love with my sister. An incestuous brother and sister are taking on the European Court of Human Right to win their right to continue their relationship. Patrick Stuebing, 31,...
Finally! A Solution to the Global Economic Crisis
Posted on November 26, 2008On the one hand, ugh -- this whole video is so cute I could puke. I mean, real honest to God projectile pea-vomit. But on the other hand: Puppies!...
Penis Print Bandit Holstered
Posted on November 26, 2008What kind of guy leaves penis prints around town? That's just weird. From the Smoking Gun: Nebraska's notorious "butt bandit" was charged today with a public indecency spree in which he allegedly lathered his private parts in baby lotion and...
She's just got a can-do attitude, willing to do more than the mere minimum asked of her
Posted on November 26, 2008You or me, a cop hauls us in and asks us to take our shoes off in jail, we take our shoes off. Tina M. Boggess, when she's taken in by the cops, placed in a holding cell and asked...
Look Out! He is a Spiderpig!
Posted on November 25, 2008From the BBC: A man has been jailed for breaching the peace by singing Spiderpig from The Simpsons Movie at police officers. David Mullen was sentenced to three months for the incident and calling an officer "ginger" in a...
Easily the Biggest Load of Bullshit You'll See This Week
Posted on November 25, 2008It's not a joke. Really. Not a joke. And those aren't Democrats thanking her for making it easier for Obama to win the election. Those are real-life Average Joe Six Packs. Geeyod. What an embarrassment....
God Bless Texas
Posted on November 25, 2008Where even the politicians have no sense of decency: Dallas County Constable Jaime Cortes is already feeling the Christmas spirit. But this is not your average law enforcement holiday event. Cortes, the Precinct 5 constable who was just re-elected, is...
The Daily Memo - 11/25/08
Posted on November 25, 2008The bailout bill could hit over $7 trillion. Buckle up kids, it's going to be a loooooong and bumpy flight. (Bloomberg Meanwhile, the Judges are still complaining about their fucking salaries. To be fair, if we're already spending $7 trillion...
My favorite police officer
Posted on November 25, 2008Back in March, the Mayor of a small New York town (the Canadian article calls Mamaroneck a "bedroom community") was pulled over for using her cellphone while driving by Officer Michael Petrillo. When Mayor Savolt appeared in court in September,...
One town is living up to its name...
Posted on November 25, 2008On Sunday, a 26-year-old man in a wheelchair was stabbed. Quite a surprise, no doubt. So fitting that he was stabbed in the town of Surprise. The victim, James Del Rio ... told police he was in his wheelchair going...
Beady eyes and floppy heads, indeed!
Posted on November 25, 2008For all the good up in Canada, they still fuck some shit up, eh. A recent court case has cost an internet carpooling startup eleven grand (Canadian). The site was designed to let folks easily arrange carpooling -- good for...
This Week's Best "SNL" Skit Left on the Cutting Room Floor
Posted on November 24, 2008Why? Because it's too f**king funny for general consumption. Also, because nobody knows who Rahm Emanuel is. But he will cut you. And he'll probably cut Samberg for this skit....
Sometimes, YouTube Is Too Good to Be True
Posted on November 24, 2008The fact that this woman exists makes me happy. So happy. There's nothing more satisfying than seeing a young mother teach her toddler to say,"F**k Obama." There's just too much crazy, and not enough world to go around....
Arrested for Farting? That's Flutulent!
Posted on November 24, 2008Only in Florida, folks: A 12-year-old Florida student was arrested earlier this month after he "deliberately passed gas to disrupt the class," according to police. The child, who was also accused of shutting off the computers of classmates at Stuart's...
The Daily Memo - 11/24/08
Posted on November 24, 2008Anne Coulter, Star Jones and Geraldo Rivera are on this lady's list of sexiest lawyers? Eegads. (LawInfo) If you're surprised by Obama's slide to the center, you haven't been paying attention to what's been behind the rhetoric. (Salon) An Iowa...
You think you've got landlord problems?
Posted on November 24, 2008You ain't got shit. Because at least your landlord isn't Daniel Cunningham. A building owned by the Honolulu landlord recently collapsed and he claims it was the fault of the building's residents. If that's all we had, this story wouldn't...
Are you there God? It's me, Mugshot.
Posted on November 24, 2008(From The Smoking Gun, of course.)...
These boots were made for stealin, and that's just what I'll do....
Posted on November 24, 2008Last month I told you about the dangerous Florida Bra Bandit, a gal who stole 452 bras worth a little under two hundred grand. Well there's a Texas truck driver who'd like to tell her that she ain't shit. Because...
If a Tree Falls in the Woods and Everyone is Watching, Will Anyone Clean Up the Mess?
Posted on November 21, 2008So, there's this online reality TV deal called Lifecaster, right? Lots of the kids these days, they tape themselves all Ed style, and you can go on over there and watch folks go on about their mundane lives. I don't...
This year, I'm thankful for Stormy Daniels
Posted on November 21, 2008An appeals court has said that Pulaski Township's anti-porn ordinance is unconstitutionally vague. Which means that the local adult video store no longer has to shut down on state-recognized holidays. So this Thanksgiving, the folks in Pulaski can say "whatever"...
Florida-level Genius Found in California
Posted on November 21, 2008Chris Baker, a true American hero. Chris Baker, 19, pulled up next to a police vehicle early Monday morning and rolled down the driver's side window, according to the Merced County Sheriff's Department. Baker allegedly asked Deputy Delray Shelton if....
Ra-ra, sis-boom-fail
Posted on November 21, 2008In Houston, several cheerleaders have been indicted for hazing, and the 17- and 18-year-olds of the squad now face up to six months in the clink. It was only a tradition -- a friendly pre-dawn breakfast hosted by the varsity...
Unbelievable. The 24/7 News Back to Mind-Numbing Tedium
Posted on November 20, 2008Makes you miss election coverage. And Natalee Halloway coverage. And Anna Nicole Smith. I mean, really: Doodles? DOODLES?! The one redeeming point: Hearing Wolf Blitzer say doodle. Talk about a guy who needs some doodlin'....
Conspiracy Theorist Make It To the Supreme Court
Posted on November 20, 2008Yeah. Barack Obama was elected to be the next President of the United States. But it's not official yet. And apparently, Clarence Thomas thinks there's enough evidence that he's not a U.S. Citizen to review his birth certificate in the...
OMG!! What are you guys, like, doing um, next weekend?
Posted on November 20, 2008'Cause evidently Britney has some pearls of wisdom to bestow. Following the incredibly horrible reception of her last attempt, Britney Spears is trying it again with a new documentary film, the brilliantly-titled and, I'm sure, thoughtfully conceived, "For the Record,"...
The Daily Memo - 11/20/08
Posted on November 20, 2008The CA Supremes will hear arguments in March in the Prop 8 case. (LA Observed) Mitt Romney thinks a Detroit bailout is a bad idea if we want to see the industry fix itself. And I'm half-inclined to agree, particularly...
Knock knock .... who's there ... bar results!
Posted on November 20, 2008Tomorrow is the dreaded day, here in California, when bar results come out. Reader three elle asked what recommendations we had to avoid insanity tomorrow, forced to watch the minutes tick away until the results go live. She said she...
Abracadabra ... Marthastewart Lawsuit!
Posted on November 20, 2008Martha is being sued by a magician who is also a hand model. Actually, he's suing some of her companies, because he bought a Martha Stewart Everyday lounge chair and, when he was moving it on his deck last year,...
They may not be able to get married in most states...
Posted on November 20, 2008...but now that eHarmony has settled its lawsuit with NJ's Attorney General, gays can find love through one of the biggest online matching services. Sorta. eHarmony isn't going to let them onto the main site, but will create a special...
Kids Can Be So Cruel
Posted on November 19, 2008This is just mean: A few of the cool kids in a Utah high school convinced the mentally limited janitor to buy them beer in exchange for photographs of their penises (peni?). Fair enough, right? The boys get some beer,...
Is That Your Penis in a Jar Or Are You Just Happy to S ... Wait. Why is Your Penis in a Jar?
Posted on November 19, 2008Freakshows. The whole world is full of 'em. Who the hell thinks to get himself off by sticking his penis in a jar? And who doesn't take it out of the jar before engaging in a high-speed chase with the...
A Silver Lining in the Recession
Posted on November 19, 2008Man, this recession blows. I never thought that something like a little old worldwide economic recession would actually affect me, but Dear God, it's killing me. Thankfully, I'm not like one of the 50,000 Citigroup employees laid off earlier this...
That's it -- they're taking over!
Posted on November 19, 2008Ok, look. Obama's our next President, I get it. But does he have to stick in the faces over every redneck racist out there? It's widely believed that he's going to nominate Eric H. Holder, Jr. for his Attorney General...
I Must Know What Kind of Sandwich It Was
Posted on November 18, 2008Damnit. Damnit. You ever get hung up on the minutia in an otherwise interesting story? Sure, beating your girlfriend with a sandwich makes for a fascinating post, but not knowing what kind of sandwich it was is going to...
Microsoft Helps Keep Lawyers Employed
Posted on November 18, 2008Via the Tax Prof, there's a wacky but legitimate employment law issue arising over computer boot-up times: Lawyers are noting a new type of lawsuit, in which employees are suing over time spent booting [up] their computers. ... During the...
Bad Way to Die: Episode #1
Posted on November 18, 2008In a folding couch: A St. Petersburg woman who killed her husband by shutting him inside a folding couch has been given a one-year suspended sentence, prosecutors said Monday. In response to an insulting comment from her husband in July,...
No. Really. I Was Just Adjusting My Pants. Vigorously.
Posted on November 18, 2008You hear about airplane sexual shenanigans a lot (in fact, an episode of "Entourage" this season centered on an airplane hand-job), but what I want to know is: How do you get away with that shit? There's no where you...
'Sup. Me and the Old Man Are, Like, Best Buds Now
Posted on November 17, 2008Check out this interaction/photo-op between Barack Obama and John McCain. Totally natural. It's like these two have been best friends for eons. They clearly have nothing but respect and admiration for one another. It's like video-taping two buds in...
Are these morons getting dumber or just louder?
Posted on November 17, 2008Finally, a politician that speaks his mind. Of course, it'll cost him his political career. But the brutal truth can set you free. From your job. No one can say Bill Beck is an indecisive politician. He tells it just...
Don't Mess with a Law Student's Laptop. Bitch.
Posted on November 17, 2008You ever see a first-year law student out and about? No, of course you haven't. First year law students don't leave their apartments. They burrow with a bunch of books, a lot of coffee, a pack of cigarettes, and maybe...
Church State Divide Drowned in the Holy Water
Posted on November 17, 2008In one South Carolina parish, if you voted for Obama, guess what? No communion for you! A priest at a South Carolina Roman Catholic church says his parishioners shouldn't take Holy Communion if they voted for Barack Obama because of...
Second Life Bleeds into First
Posted on November 14, 2008What the hell is up with this Second Life game? A few weeks ago, I posted a story about a woman in Japan who was arrested and charged after she killer her cyber-husband in a game similar to Second Life....
Mac n' Cheese Dinner Turns Ugly
Posted on November 14, 2008Compliments to a public defender reader, Jennifer, for this tip, about a man who really doesn't like butterworms for dinner: An unemployed man faces a domestic assault charge after he allegedly attacked his girlfriend last Saturday for making him macaroni...
Politician Whips It Out and Sprays It on the Crowd
Posted on November 14, 2008A reader of ours, Peter, pointed out that yesterday's successful Bodily Fluids Day here on QuizLaw left out the best urination story of the day. He was right: It's not every day that a city councilman makes big news. Then...
Q. What's funnier than living in Sheboygan?
Posted on November 13, 2008A. The fact that in Sheboygan, you can be charged with "felony discharging bodily fluids at a public safety worker," which Daniel L. Shilts found out the hard way last week. After running his car into a pole and almost...
No shit!
Posted on November 13, 2008This is crap. Utter bullshit. A court in Trelleborg, Sweden, has ruled that a woman's diarrhea was not a sufficient reason for her to break the posted speed limit while driving. The district court rejected the 49-year-old woman's argument that...
If we don't stop them now, they'll be teaching our kids about quadruple bypass!
Posted on November 13, 2008Many of the better stories we post here on the QuizLaw (i.e., the *facepalm* and Florida stories) come from Fark. But it's a double-edged sword, getting our story links from them. Because, yes, they find many great stories we'd never...
It's Bodily Fluids Day on QuizLaw!
Posted on November 13, 2008Earlier today, Seth gave you a story about a woman whose diarrhea didn't get her out of a speeding ticket, and then Molly told you about a man in Sheboygan who pissed on an officer, and now I give you...
"It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!"
Posted on November 13, 2008In yet another sign that the economic downturn is ugly and getting worse, The New York Times reports that, contrary to popular belief, law firms are feeling the pinch as well. It is easy to assume that an uptick in...
C*nt Punditry of the Day, Take Two
Posted on November 12, 2008On the election of Barack Obama: "It's an amazing feeling. It's our first, you know, colored president," the 22-year-old actress said in response to a question from Maria Menounos on "Access Hollywood" about her reaction to Obama's win in the...
Happy Veteran's Day, Sucker!
Posted on November 12, 2008Out in Britain, Johnny Law doesn't take time off to respect the dead. A Chiswick motorist claims she was given a parking ticket as she stood alongside her car observing the two-minute silence on Remembrance Day. Stephanie Jost says she...
A Very Special Message from Today's C*nt Pundit
Posted on November 12, 2008"I think it's time for Democrat leaders to counsel the anti-Prop. 8 mob to stop the protests and accept the will of the people of California. "Tell them to leave the churches alone. Tell them to stop blocking traffic and...
Well that's some bad luck
Posted on November 12, 2008Last month, these two dudes broke into a house at 4:30 in the morning, guns ablaze. The house belonged to Lloyd Irvin, who was home with his wife and young son. A friend, Brandon Vera, was also there. The burglars...
The Daily Memo - 11/11/08
Posted on November 11, 2008If it weren't the Onion, I'd have no problem believing that the RIAA was trying to ban word-of-mouth. (The Onion) Over at Columbia Law School, they're planning a big game of Assassins, which is like Gotcha. Remember Gotcha? Remember the...
This law degree is for the dogs
Posted on November 11, 2008Literally. When Amy Jones received her law degree from Baylor University, her playful service dog Skeeter got the same honor. As Jones got her juris doctor degree on Saturday, Skeeter received an honorary law degree. "Amy has busted through brick...
The family that drinks together...
Posted on November 11, 2008...gets DUIs together. Jesus. Indiana state police said that after a mother was arrested for drunken driving, the three relatives who came to pick up her 1-year-old son also had all been drinking. A state trooper stopped a minivan for...
Mississippi Students Not Allowed to Talk about Obama
Posted on November 10, 2008Now this is just weird: More complaints from parents who say school officials will not allow students to talk about President-Elect Barack Obama. Melissa Hayes says teachers at Puckett Attendance Center told her daughters they could not talk about Obama...
Dentist Botches Breast Reduction Surgery. Go Figure.
Posted on November 10, 2008Who goes to the dentist to get breast reduction surgery, anyway? I'd say you get what you paid for, but in this case, it was a 15-year-old who received the surgery for ... medical reasons. From a dentist. A dentist...
Now that the Election is Over, We Can Get Excited About the Accidental Use of the F Word on a Morning News Show Again
Posted on November 10, 2008Joe Scarborough, y'all! Big round of applause! Thanks, Joe. That was the only thing interesting in all of this morning's news telecasts....
The Daily Memo - 11/10/08
Posted on November 10, 2008Hall and Oats have filed a lawsuit over "Maneater." (USA Today) Interesting writeup on the upcoming DOJ transition. (Law.com) A discussion of what happens next with Prop 8. (WSJ Law Blog) "FTC wants to de-muck the intellectual property quagmire." (NetworkWorld)...
Crazy, for lack of a better word, is good
Posted on November 10, 2008Hey, remember Jonathan Lee Riches, everyone's favorite pro se litigant, who went on a tear filing a ton of ridiculously awesome lawsuits from within his jail cell? Well he's back, baby! It seems that he's now doing business as a...
Best Batman lawsuit ever
Posted on November 10, 2008Chris Nolan, director of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, may soon find himself sued by Batman. Not Bruce Wayne's alter ego, mind you. Nah. Nolan may find himself sued by the city of Batman, a city in Turkey. The...
Crack. Butt. Butt Crack. Surprise!
Posted on November 07, 2008Ah. Now that the election is over, we can get back to what matters around here: Florida. Police who arrested a woman for stealing money from a car found a glass crack pipe hidden between her buttocks. Cops made the...
Sarah Palin: 1,142 Days Until the 2012 Election
Posted on November 07, 2008Oh, sure: The election is over. And Sarah Palin has gone back to Alaska. But the late-night hosts know a good punch-line when they see one. And they're going to hang on to this one as long as they...
Hoarding is Such a Weird Psychological Condition
Posted on November 07, 2008True story: Back in my legal services day, I had a client in a nursing home who had a terrible hoarding problem -- he'd go out into dumpsters and pull anything and everything out of them and drag them up...
Dutch People = Whack Jobs with Common Sense
Posted on November 07, 2008The Netherlands is officially hoping to become the only country in the world smart/dumb enough to pass legislation preventing shitty mothers from procreating: Women in the Netherlands deemed "unfit mothers" may soon be forced to take contraception, if a...
Maybe He'll Work on a Nice Mosaic Fountain!!
Posted on November 06, 2008The BBC reports that Osama Bin Laden's son Omar is currently stranded in the Madrid airport following the rejection of his asylum application. Omar and his British wife Zaina (formerly Jane) first attempted to secure UK visas, but were told...
He Bit Off His Nose to Spite ... Obama
Posted on November 06, 2008Yesterday, I marveled at the fact that there didn't seem to be many sour grapes being tossed by the Republicans after the victory of Barack Obama. They seemed downright civil, which was actually a bit disconcerting. Well, thank God for...
The price is kablooey, bitch
Posted on November 06, 2008So this guy walks into a San Francisco law firm with a white tube and flashing light adorning him. He tells the receptionist that he's got a bomb. The bomb squad was called out, they determined it was a dud,...
Maybe the gays should just take their discrimination and go away quietly...
Posted on November 06, 2008As we've talked about on this site, and as has been talked about a gajillion other places, California's Prop 8 passed on Tuesday, stripping gay couples of their recently court-granted right to marry. Because, apparently, if they marry, our schools...
Can you Barack it like this?
Posted on November 06, 2008We're stealing this cross-post, whole hand and without permission ahead of time, from our boy The New Millennium Nigga. Great piece about our new president, and I think NMN will forgive us our thievery. "There won't never be no Black...
One down, three to go...
Posted on November 05, 2008Of course, Obama's win is the big get for the night. No doubt about it (there were literally folks out on my street cheering just after 8 when the election was called). That being said, there are three other races...
Where Are the all the Sour Grapes?
Posted on November 05, 2008When your team wins the Super Bowl, or the World Series, or the Stanley Cup, half the fun has always been in the camera shots of the opposing team's dugout. Man: There is nothing more satisfying than watching a...
Bye Fucking Bye
Posted on November 05, 2008So long, W. You were great for a few laughs, but awful for the country. See you in hell, sir!...
This guy is the best
Posted on November 05, 2008That British dude right there just legally changed his name. He used to be called George Garratt. But the former Garratt said he wanted to be unique, and I guess "George Garratt" wasn't cutting it for him. So now he's...
The Daily Memo - 11/5/08
Posted on November 05, 2008Fucking manga lovers are out of control ... a Japanese man wants to change the law so he can marry a fucking cartoon character. (Metro.co.uk) Poor Tim Robbins. Poor poor guy. (The Huffington Post) Last week, Philly was enjoying the...
Obama Wins! Gays Lose.
Posted on November 05, 2008Beyond the elation of seeing the first black man elected President, there were some deep disappointments in last night's election. Apparently, as a country, we can come together behind a black man, but we're still a long way from fully...
Now wait a minute -- Obama's not actually going to be the first black president
Posted on November 05, 2008(Hat tip: Fark.)...
A man rolls into a bar...
Posted on November 05, 2008In Georgia, Robert Gibson was recently arrested for a DUI. When the cops pulled the 59-year-old over, they say his speech was slurred, his eyes were bloodshot, and his shirt was slobbered-on. Gibson was taken to the hospital and apparently...
A Nice Rational Discussion of the Candidates. With Paintball Guns
Posted on November 04, 2008I fucking love this show....
Who Needs to Vote; Fate Has Already Decided It
Posted on November 04, 2008Well, with a 94 percent certainty. Ironically, 538.com has it at 98 percent. The only thing as big as politics in the D.C. beltway is Redskins football. Political pundits and football fans noticed a trend between Presidential elections and the...
The Five Defining Pop-Culture Moments of the Presidential Campaign
Posted on November 04, 2008If you never watched a minute of the news over the last year, didn't own a TV, and lived in a cave, you'd still somehow be familiar with the top five defining moments of the 2008 Presidential Election. Here they...
Yeah. Sure. And Then a Nun Walked By
Posted on November 04, 2008My oldest friend loathes this story, which hasn't held up very well over the years. But, fuck it: Back when he was in the third grade (maybe fourth), he was in Wal-Mart. And for reasons that escape me, though it...
The Daily Memo - 11/4/08
Posted on November 04, 2008An elderly New Zealand couple have divorced their deadbeat son after he stole twenty grand from them. (Stuff.co.nz) Lying to a judge about your father's death to get out of jury duty so you can go to a horse race...
We don't need no bar license, let the mother fucker burn
Posted on November 04, 2008Samuel Pontier is a helluva guy. He and his wife separated, and she moved into her own house. One day, however, he decided that the house was just too damn messy and that the only course of action was to...
World Fucking Champions
Posted on November 04, 2008I've always said The Scalia is my favorite Supreme. I may have to scratch that, now that I know that Alito is a big ol' Phillies fan: Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito Jr. has turned his desk at the Court...
Happy Election Day from some politically minded convicts...
Posted on November 04, 2008(From The Smoking Gun, of course.)...
Here You Go, Folks: "Real" America!
Posted on November 03, 2008Yes. That is a hanged raccoon. And yes, that sign does say something to the effect of: "Vote No Blacks" (props for not using the word they probably wanted to use), and yes, that is a Confederate flag. Vote McCain....
Welcome to Miami ...
Posted on November 03, 2008CBS News in Miami reported over the weekend that nobody was murdered in Miami during the entire month of October. Why is this big news? It's the first month without a murder since 1966! And here I thought post-Scarface Miami...
The Daily Memo - 11/3/08
Posted on November 03, 2008The Scalia gets wet for opera singers. (Above the Law) Magistrate Muirhead don't like no hardboiled eggs. (Legal Antics) Tomorrow, the Supremes will hear argument for a big (fuck the) FCC case. (SCOTUSblog) The Georgia Supremes have ruled in favor...
When did bigots get computer savy?
Posted on November 03, 2008Some folks are saying that if Obama happens to take an early lead in the polls tomorrow, Democratic California after-work voters may skip the polls (because we all know this state's going blue anyway). This is a bad thing for...
Obama or Treat
Posted on November 03, 2008In the suburbs of Michigan, Shirley Nagel decided to mix politics and Halloween. A sign outside of Nagel's house warned all the little trick-or-treaters that there would be "[n]o handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters of kids of supporters." And...
Is there something going on tomorrow?
Posted on November 03, 2008There's, like, an election or some junk, right? So Fark recently had one of its Photoshop contests, this one's theme being the integration of McCain and Obama into a movie poster. There are several good ones, but this is my...
I must've missed the definition of "self defense" when I was in law school
Posted on November 02, 2008So a paralegal beheaded a dude and his lawyer, who he works for, gave a press conference to explain how it was self-defense. He says that a gang member allegedly forced his way into Brian Waldron's home: After a confrontation,...
Where's my four dollars?
Posted on October 31, 2008When I was a kid, I remember school yard fights. Some lunch money went missing from my bag, there might be some thrown fists and uttered vulgarities. Nowadays, apparently, four bucks gets snatched from your backpack and the proper course...
Yes We Can
Posted on October 31, 2008I'm so fucking sick of the candidates' stump speeches, folks. I work from home. I tend to have CNN or MSNBC on half the day. I've heard every one of their speeches 30 to 40 times already. I know...
There are Worse Ways to Go, I Suppose
Posted on October 31, 2008It's better than being on the crapper, i guess: A young man born with a heart problem died while watching a porn film. Chris Nicholls, 23, collapsed after getting over-excited as he viewed the blue movie in his bedroom, an...
I do Believe in God. And with his blessing, I will murder Liddy Dole in her sleep. And then I will eat her corpse. Grrrr.
Posted on October 31, 2008Put up your dukes!
Posted on October 30, 2008Seymour Gray's Des Moines house was recently robbed, and the burglar took off with two laptops and a desktop, among other things. Normal old smash and grab. Except that the burglar, who Gray says he knows, called a relative of...
Joe the Plumber Another Ridiculous Casualty of the Election
Posted on October 30, 2008You know, Joe the Plumber came out and officially endorsed McCain/Palin yesterday. And I'm not so sure that's going to work in their favor. And, now that "Joe the Plumber" is "Joe the Opportunist" he doesn't even have time...
The Absolute Best Reason to Vote on Tuesday
Posted on October 30, 2008This video comes from a couple of "Daily Show" writers, as well as one from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." And it's funny cause it's true....
The Barack Obama Infomercial
Posted on October 30, 2008In case you folks missed it last night, here it is in full. And, as Rachel Maddow said, "He had me at the wheat fields." Actually, it was pretty good, but I wasn't blown away. I guess I was...
War of the ... Some Cambodian Flower
Posted on October 30, 2008You gotta love stories like this: "A married couple in Cambodia who had 'finally had enough' of each other have gone their separate ways by literally cutting their home in half." For serious: The wife will stay put with the...
Makes me almost want to move to Alabama
Posted on October 29, 2008A lot can change in six years, but for now, Charles Barkley is saying that he plans to run for governor of Alabama in 2014. It's long been speculated that Sir Charles would throw his hat into the 'Bama ring,...
Barack to Screw Up Your TV Watching Tonight
Posted on October 29, 2008I don't know what kind of interest there is in tonight's Barack Obama paid infomercial. I'd just assumed that most folks have made up their mind already and might find it a nuisance, particularly since it pushes back the...
Best Robocall Ever?
Posted on October 29, 2008Robocalls should all be this sexy, you know (phone-sex Robocall starts around the 1:20 mark). And the candidate's defense: "Starkewolf, a 27-year old University of California Davis alumnus and graduate student, stated on his Web site that, 'I take...
Everybody Must Get Stoned
Posted on October 29, 2008In the first execution by stoning in southern Somalia since Sharia Law was instituted in August, a woman was pelted to death with stones in a main square in Kismayo in front of thousands of people. The woman had reportedly...
The Daily Memo - 10/29/08
Posted on October 29, 2008Lawyers need love too. (Above the Law) Larry David's just waiting for November 4th to get over with already -- I hear you man, I hear you. (Huffington Post) Shockingest news of the week -- Clarence Thomas thinks judges should...
Fuck you, Bud Selig!
Posted on October 29, 2008As I said on Pajiba earlier this morning, if I see you tonight, I'm kicking you in the taint. And if that means I wind up having a mugshot taken like one of these dudes, so be it: (Hat tip...
What's the problem? He's just a "can do" candidate, out there getting things done!
Posted on October 29, 2008Awesome. A local County Commissioner in Oklahoma has been charged with misdemeanor theft after getting busted on video stealling his opponent's campaign signs. Says reader Cathleen (hat tip), "it's not Florida, but it is pretty great." Right you are, ma'am,...
And now for the talent portion of our competition ... idiocy
Posted on October 28, 2008Miss Teen Louisiana USA may be cute, but she ain't so smart. Seems that Lindsey Evans and three friends were recently hanging out at a local restaurant and evenutally got a $46 bill. Rather than, you know, paying the bill,...
Get Off My Lawn Lady a Belligerent Granny
Posted on October 28, 2008It's not often here at QuizLaw that citizens involved in the comedically absurd criminal stories decide to actually respond. Last week, we told you about a 89-year-old woman who was arrested for basically doing what 89-year-old women do: She took...
I Hope Eternal Hellfire Just Ripped Charlton Heston a New Asshole
Posted on October 28, 2008This is messed up. Inexcusable. Depressing. Unbelievable. And it pisses me off to no end. An 8-year-old boy died after accidentally shooting himself in the head while firing an Uzi submachine gun under adult supervision at a gun fair. The...
Hot Chicks with Lawsuits
Posted on October 28, 2008Have you heard of the website Hot Chicks with Douchebags? It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like -- a site that posts lots of photos of hot chicks hanging out with douchebags. The picture right here would be such...
Spork Assault!
Posted on October 28, 2008I mean, do I even need to tell you anything else. Fucking assault by spork. Nuff said. ...But if you want to know a little more, here you go: 52-year-old Peter Albert tried to mug a man of his watch....
OK, Now It's Getting Out of Hand
Posted on October 27, 2008Since a poorly drafted "safe haven" law went into effect in Nebraska this past summer, 21 teenaged kids have been abandoned by their parents at area hospitals.The law was meant to allow parents of infants to drop them off in...
What are they going to do next, pin the ladies' eyes open?
Posted on October 27, 2008Last week, Emily Bazelon wrote an article about a set of pro-life-supported laws that I hadn't heard of before. Seems that a new trend in many states is to move towards mandatory ultrasounds, with the thinking being that if a...
What about the top ten 'staches in Congress?
Posted on October 27, 2008Esquire has named my own Congressman, the goofy-and-right-out-of-Harry-Potter-looking Henry Waxman, as one of the ten best members of Congress. He gets major props for having the balls not only to not just take Bush and his cronies on faith, but...
First, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Now a Damned Poodle?
Posted on October 27, 2008It's the goddamned little dogs that wreak all the havoc: Cramped after a Saturday night flight from Detroit, Choochy the poodle broke free after her plane landed at Logan and for the next 17 hours, the tiny white fugitive managed...
Shenanigans at the QuizLaw Alma Matter
Posted on October 27, 2008Well, with Molly writing for the site now, I guess BU School of Law isn't, technically, the site's only law school alma matter, but whatever. Above the Law tells the tale of some shit that went down at BUSL last...
It's Good to See the Gang Back Together ...
Posted on October 24, 2008Those scurrilous bastards over on "SNL" are determined to get Obama elected! I think the stock-market crash today will probably be all he needs....
Woman Facing Jail Time After Killing Cyber Husband
Posted on October 24, 2008Holy Awesome. Who knew this could be a crime? A woman, involved in a game similar to "Second Life" (whatever the hell that is), may go to jail for killing her virtual husband. Yeah. No shit: A 43-year-old Japanese piano...
A Chicken Goat in Every Pot ... Kind Of ...
Posted on October 24, 2008After 15 years of people from Dubya to Thomas Friedman extolling the merits of globalization, the fact that it has some drawbacks is becoming clear to even its most ardent boosters (and these are folks for whom issues like, oh,...
Don't Let Opie's Humilation Goes to Waste
Posted on October 24, 2008See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die This is mildly embarrassing, but that's probably the point. It's kind of cool to see these guys together again, even if it is a stunt....
A Heartwarming Tale About Rat Feces
Posted on October 23, 2008Sometimes, just as you are about to lose faith in humanity, somebody comes along and gets a man his $1,000 in rat-shit covered $20 bills: A southeast Missouri man is expected to be reimbursed for about $1,000 in bills that...
Take Your Polls and Shove It
Posted on October 23, 2008This late in the election cycle, it starts to feel like nobody is talking about anything else. Like many others of the leftward persuasion, I've felt really skittish about getting too comfortable with the lead Obama appears to have at...
Today in C*nt Punditry -- McCain Edition
Posted on October 23, 2008It must have been on the brain, huh?...
You Know What? Fuck McCain ...
Posted on October 22, 2008For some reason, this unnerves more more than most of McCain's cheap, political bullshit, because -- for the most part -- McCain allows his handlers and Palin do to the real dirty stuff. But to look at this brochure...
Is It Wrong that This Comic Book Cover Turns Me On?
Posted on October 22, 2008Just a little. I mean: Look at that cartoon rack? FYI: And for lots of Palin Halloween costume ideas, check here....
Verbal Gaffes are Fun!
Posted on October 22, 2008I know he didn't mean it. And yes: He quickly corrected himself. But he's a doddering old man, and it's fun to watch, all the same. Also: You don't get to correct yourself when you accidentally put your finger...
Citizen's Arrest!
Posted on October 22, 2008Bold move, protester! But that Karl Rove is just too wily....
We Have a Winner!
Posted on October 22, 2008$400 haircut for John Edwards. Lose! $3,000 haircut for Hillary Clinton. Fail! $520 shoes for John McCain? Bitch, please. $150,000 in clothes, including nearly $5000 in hair and makeup? Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner, folks: Sarah Palin!...
Whoops
Posted on October 22, 2008The NY Times reports that the Pentagon has dropped charges against 5 detainees being held at Guantanamo bay, in just the latest setback for the Bush administration in the Guantanamo debacle. While government prosecutors stated that they would be reevaluating...
As a Resident of Maine, Am I Pro-America or a Terrorist?
Posted on October 21, 2008My opinion: The "Real America" should secede. They can call themselves, "Redneckia."...
Six Meals for the Price of None
Posted on October 21, 2008Here's a fancy way of gaming the system to secure six terrible meals, a lot of indigestion, and a free bed for two nights. A woman decided to go to jail rather than pay her bill at a Fort Pierce...
Holy Awesome: There Are Cool McCain Campaign Workers ...
Posted on October 21, 2008They're just not allowed to talk to the media. That is, if they're Muslim. That's kind of fucked up....
Sarah Palin Appears on SNL Alongside Alec Baldin, Biden Relegated to Dunking Booth
Posted on October 21, 2008Oh, sure: We all like "Ellen." And yes, seeing whether Senator Biden can dunk Julia Louis-Dreyfus is strangely compelling, but can we not get this guy a cameo appearance on "SNL?" Quick, Biden: Say something stupid. No ... no...
If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing right
Posted on October 20, 2008Stanley Kobierowski doesn't half-ass it. You, you decide to go drunk driving, you have a drink or two. You get pinched with a blood alcohol level of something in the teens, a .11, maybe a .19. Kobierowski says the teens...
Damn. Palin Can't Even Get "SNL" Right
Posted on October 20, 2008The good thing about the highest rated "SNL" episode in 14 years was that Tina Fey was still hilarious in her impersonation of Palin, and Amy Poehler's Palin rap was, by far, the highlight of the show (Brolin wasn't...
The dangerous Bra Bandit strikes again!
Posted on October 20, 2008Ok, you already know if we're talking "Bra Bandit," we're talking Florida. This time, Bonita Springs is the particular part of Florida bringing us the wackness, in the form of a woman who has apparently stolen 452 bras since February,...
Get off My La ... Woah. Back Up Here. You're Arresting Her?
Posted on October 20, 2008Cops in Ohio arrested an 89-year-old lady over the weekend for doing what 89-year-old women do. She took a teenager's ball and wouldn't give it back. Now 89 year-old Edna Jester from Blue Ash is facing charges. "I said go...
Oh Noes: Powder in Imminent Danger
Posted on October 20, 2008Despite the gloomy economic news and the opening of Oliver Stone's new movie reminding us of the current president, Americans can be thankful that we don't have to deal with the problem of ritual killing. The BBC reports that Tanzanian...
Boom!
Posted on October 17, 2008This is how you turn McCain's one decent line from the entire debate against him, completely neutralizing it. And ... yeah, I'm even getting kind of tired of politics, now. And I didn't think it was possible this election...
Rape victims must remain sad and miserable forever!
Posted on October 17, 2008Lest you think that lawyers on the other side of the pond are somehow classier than our crop, let barrister Colin McCarraher set the record straight. He was defending a rapist and tried to claim that the man's 2001 victim...
La Pequeña Sarah Palin is Muy Bueno!
Posted on October 17, 2008Ahhh.... (Hat tip to reader J. with whom I agree -- it has indeed been way too fucking long. Welcome back, little one. Welcome back.)...
Letterman Bitch Slaps McCain on "Terrorist" Remarks
Posted on October 17, 2008Here are the highlights, folks. And I guess I'm mostly peeved that McCain tried to turn this all into a joke. I mean: Yeah. The Late Show is a comedy show. But Dave had the guts to ask McCain...
Brother can you spare a thumb?
Posted on October 17, 2008Up in Manitoba, Canada (eh), Muri Peace Chilton is serving a life sentence for the brutal rape, torture and murder of a teenage girl back in 1977 (way to live up to your middle name, buddy). One day, he was...
Father of the Election Year
Posted on October 16, 2008Mark Ciptak is a truly patriotic man. The "truly patriotic" part comes from the fact that the apparently staunch Republican decided to name his daughter Sarah McCain Palin in order "to get the word out" about the McCain/Palin campaign. The...
White People Aren't Trash? I Beg to Differ
Posted on October 16, 2008"I'm afraid if he wins, the blacks will take over." Truly, truly terrifying....
So writing discrimination into the state constitution is a bad thing, you say?
Posted on October 16, 2008There have been some heinous "vote yes on Prop 8" ads here in California. The one with the sweet-yet-homophobic old granny types particularly drives me nuts. Which makes me wish this Mac v. PC style video (which, admittedly, is quickly...
More Commercials Should Imply We're All Being Urinated On!
Posted on October 16, 2008How awesome?...
The Daily Memo - 10/16/08
Posted on October 16, 2008A Nebraska state senator is sad that his lawsuit against God -- for causing earthquakes and tornadoes -- has been thrown out of court because it's impossible to effect service on the big guy in the sky. (Above the Law...
It's K-K-K-K-Ken c-c-c-coming to run for p-p-p-president
Posted on October 16, 2008He's got my vote! (Michael Palin for President)...
John McCain Gives Good Face
Posted on October 16, 2008Here's the debate in 90 seconds ... not the substantive parts, really. Because, who the hell could listen to what anyone was saying with McCain making all those Crusty McBastard faces. There were moments, in fact, when I thought...
Wow. Just ... wow.
Posted on October 15, 2008Richard Chip Dougherty was busted for a DUI. Normally, that'll get you a single criminal charge. Maybe, if you're an asshole and fight the cops, or you're an idiot and have some illegal shit in your car, you might get...
I said "help," not "arrest"
Posted on October 15, 2008It's not every day that someone calls the cops for help winds up behind bars themselves. But that's what happened when a 25-year-old Nebraska man called the cops for help because someone was trying to break into his apartment. The...
It's All Over But the Voting
Posted on October 15, 2008The kids have spoken. And the kids are hardly ever wrong. In fact, they haven't been wrong in 40 years. The Scholastic Presidential Election Poll results are in: Democratic nominee Senator Barack Obama won with 57 percent of the vote,...
Today in C*nt Punditry (Ooops Edition)
Posted on October 15, 2008Well, the liberal media bias was certainly evident in this clip. I do love me some Kyra, though....
Black political leadership increases at every level (a harbinger of things to come)
Posted on October 15, 2008While Barack Obama's lead in national polls continues to grow against rival John McCain, many continue to express concern about the role that racism may play in the voting booth. Some pundits and pollsters suggest that people may be more...
The Daily Memo - 10/15/08
Posted on October 15, 2008Ridiculous proposition of the day -- should law firm partners voting for Obama raise senior associate salaries to compensate for Obama's tax hikes? (Above the Law) Hey, look at that -- a blawg winds up having a footnote impact on...
It was a dark and stormy court
Posted on October 15, 2008I'm not particularly a fan of Chief Justice Johnny, but the noir opening to his dissent in Pennsylvania v. Dunlap, about a drug arrest and probable cause issues, is pretty solid: Officer Sean Devlin, Narcotics Strike Force, was working the...
Motorboat
Posted on October 14, 2008Here's Lisa Ann, the lady who starring in Hustler Video's upcoming Nailin' Paylin'. I don't know much, but I do know this -- if you buy this video and skip past the NSFW bits, the "dialogue" and "plot" parts will...
Well a criminal's gotta have a good soundtrack!
Posted on October 14, 2008(From the always wonderful xkcd.)...
Awesome
Posted on October 14, 2008Judge Paul Lenz likes to humiliate folks. Over his time on the bench, he's given about 20 criminal defendants the chance to face public humiliation to save themselves some time in the clink. But most take the jail option. Shane...
Who's to Blame for the Ugly Tone of McCain's Campaign? Rachel Maddow?
Posted on October 14, 2008Here, but mostly on Pajiba, I've spent an inordinate amount of time praising Rachel Maddow, my new lesbian girl crush (I'm not sure what that makes me, as a straight man). She's one of the smartest television news personalities...
Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?
Posted on October 14, 2008Janet Magee, a Methodist minister in the UK, is currently on trial for falsely claiming to be the victim of harassment and threatening phone calls. According to the Daily Mail, the vicar complained of harassing mail and phone calls for...
The Daily Memo - 10/14/08
Posted on October 14, 2008Bankers 1, Lehman Brothers CEO 0. (Concurring Opinions) Fifth Circuit to Rocket Docket: "Chill the fuck out." (Law.com) Blawg Review #181. (Mediation Channel) Professor Lessing: "Arrrrgh, matey." (The Trademark Blog)...
Hey Hank -- Stick to Monday Night Football, Dude
Posted on October 14, 2008McCain / Palin have now secured the Waffle House vote....
The Daily Memo - 10/13/08
Posted on October 13, 2008I'm on board with the notion of election reform regarding state judges. (Slate) Play your rap tunes too loud and you, too, could wind up listening to Bach. (Above the Law) "Why become a lawyer?" Oh how I wished I...
See people, this is how this shit starts!
Posted on October 13, 2008The gays are taking over. California and Massachusetts were bad enough, but now the Connecticut Supremes have legalized gay marriage. Do you understand what this means, people? We're going to have legalized man-on-man and woman-on-woman marriages mere miles away from...
Bizarre chemicals? S'ok. Weird drawing? Get the fuck out!
Posted on October 13, 2008So there are these guys who work at the US border. Let's call them US Customs and Border Protection officers, yeah? And these officers are there to protect our country. From terrorists, from ne'erdowells and, most importantly, from intellectual property...
OK. This Shit Has Got to Stop.
Posted on October 10, 2008I'm sorry, but while I respect conservative ideology to a degree, and can even admit to "palling around with Republicans" from time to time, this "Obama is a terrorist" bullshit is really starting to piss me off. This shit...
Hi. I'm a PC. And I'm Freddie Mac
Posted on October 10, 2008Remember Oliver Clark? No? He was the nice, young African-American man (or, as Joe Biden would say, "clean") who was the second questioner at the most recent presidential debate. He asked about the bail-out, and John McCain prefaced his...
The Daily Memo - 10/9/08
Posted on October 10, 2008Nothing will get a 3L hired at a law firm like pimping herself out on Craigslist. (Above the Law) Judge Kozinski is facing a new complaint from the lawyer who busted the Koz for having porn on his website. (Law.com)...
Not Everyone is Handling the News Like the Dolphin, However...
Posted on October 10, 2008The New York Times Blog reported last night that, while "My Super Sweet 16" parties may end up a footnote to the Wikipedia entry on Nero's concert while Rome was burning, a certain amount of hedonism is surviving the "downturn."...
He Just Didn't Have a Window
Posted on October 10, 2008The U.S. Coast Guard was called Thursday after an 8-9 foot dolphin leapt out of the water and onto a boat, where it landed "right on top" of two sightseers, knocking Barbara Howard unconscious and beating Norman Hall repeatedly with...
Guilt by Association Antics Get Retarded
Posted on October 09, 2008Here's Sean Hannity spitting blood and foaming from the ass about Barack Obama's associations with a known terrorist. Here's a liberal spin doctor one-upping him, calling him an anti-Semite and threatening to lick his face. Here's the other guy...
Nothin' But a G Than(g)
Posted on October 09, 2008As if Sarah Palin's conspicuous g-free delivery (she's always "plannin'" and "hopin'") over the past five weeks wasn't enough, in Tuesday night's debate, it appeared that John McCain had caught the fever as well. Evidently this is all part of...
The Daily Memo - 10/9/08
Posted on October 09, 2008Come on man. We all know it ain't the black turnout and street money issues in Philly that'll decide whether Obama or McCain gets PA, it'll be how many Pennsyltucky racists show up to vote. (Salon.com) There there, little fearful...
Skeet skeet!
Posted on October 09, 2008Dustin and I have talked before about the shows we were in back in our law school days -- thank the lord YouTube weren't around back then. Anyways, for part of a terrible skit in one of our shows, myself...
Whatever man, "your day in court" is way overrated anyways
Posted on October 09, 2008So uhm, not sure if you've heard, but the economy is kinda fucked. And now it's taking a bite out of crime, as it were, as criminal defendants in Maryland could see themselves going free without a trial. See, folks...
Today in Presidential Polling
Posted on October 09, 2008If you're an Obama fan, I've either got decent news for you, or great news, depending on who you ask. If you ask Reuters/Zogby, Barack Obama has a two-point lead, nationally. 47-45. If you ask Gallup, however, Obama has an...
Unfunny Movie Bombs Because of those Goddamn Liberals
Posted on October 08, 2008I got a little nasty today over on Pajiba, after having to suffer through David Zucker's right-wing nutjob "comedy" An American Carol, which may be one of the worst films I've ever had the displeasure to sit through. Not just...
Where Do You Even Buy a T-shirt Like That?
Posted on October 08, 2008Here's an incredibly depressing AP report on a van crash in Tennessee over the weekend. The van was being driven by a ten-year old who was driving over 90MPH at the time of the crash: His passengers were two other...
The Daily Memo - 10/8/08
Posted on October 08, 2008Damn it -- new polls show that the fucking ban on gay marriage here in Cali may pass. Fucking homophobes. (LA Times Blog) Really John? Obama is "that one?" Really? (The Huffington Post) The lawsuit from the San Diego firefighters...
Bitter Old Bitch Hates "That One" So Much, He Outsources Hand-Shaking Duties to "C*nt" Cindy McCain
Posted on October 08, 2008It was a pretty dull debate, actually. Mostly, Obama and McCain repeated what they said in the first debate, and the questions and answers were fairly similar. Everyone gives Obama the nod on this debate, and if you watched...
Uncle Sam is unimpressed
Posted on October 08, 2008Jose Perez is a brilliant man. He was cruising down the street one early evening, just listening to some tunes. Trouble is, he was listening to them a tad too loud. The cops flagged him down, and Perez pulled into...
Well that's one way to avoid having the jury find you guilty
Posted on October 08, 2008Thirty-four-year-old Carlos Molina was recently sitting in a Florida court house, facing charges for armed robbery. I'm speculating here, but I think that that Molina's trial must not have been going very well. Because otherwise, I'm not sure why he....
Because Sometimes, Smug Just Feels So Good
Posted on October 07, 2008Keith Olbermann's offers up another special comment. Topic: Sarah Palin. Degree of Smug: 8.5. Pwn Rating: 9....
That Crazy Sure is Contagious
Posted on October 07, 2008Here's a political story that doesn't involve Sarah Palin, though if the polls keep trending the way they are, I can see the McCain campaign pulling this sort of stunt: Death rituals. A voodoo priestess. A cancer-causing curse. A Cobb...
Corsets are for Idiots
Posted on October 07, 2008The good, wholesome fun of the Renaissance Festival in Maryland ended poorly for a twentysomething couple over the weekend. When a 21-year-old woman "taunted" her boyfriend with a wild snake, they both were bitten and had to be rushed to...
The Daily Memo - 10/7/08
Posted on October 07, 2008The Supremes started the new term with a pack of smokes. (Law.com) The cops shoot a man who won't stop driving his car with his girlfriend on the roof. Says the girlfriend later: "I didn't want him to leave ......
Not the funniest thing on the YouTube...
Posted on October 07, 2008...but it'll do, pig. It'll do. (Hat tip to reader J.C.)...
The Constitutional Impact of the Election
Posted on October 07, 2008Almost all lawyers know the name Erwin Chemerinsky. That's because almost all lawyers prepare for the bar by taking classes with BarBri, and they therefore all wind up seeing a six-hour lecture by Chemerinsky, done entirely from memory, which is...
Hey, at least one of the cars is a Prius
Posted on October 07, 2008(Hat tip to Coffee from a Cardboard Cup)...
David Letterman: "It's not a time for beginners"
Posted on October 06, 2008I've been watching David Letterman most of my life -- it's how I start most mornings. He's actually a personal hero of mine, even as his edges have been smoothed out by age and the 11:30 spot. And up...
McCain Will Steal Your Babies, but Terrorist Obama will Eat Them
Posted on October 06, 2008The hard-core character attacks have begun, which I suppose was inevitable, particularly as McCain slipped in the polls. I didn't expect the McCain campaign to go as low as it did over the weekend, though, suggesting that Obama --...
I'll take "The Rapists" for $200...
Posted on October 06, 2008Despite the fact that reality is looking increasingly grim these days, Americans seemingly can't get enough of "reality" television. We import many of these shows - from "Big Brother" to the jaw-achingly inane "Hole in the Wall," but here's one...
The Daily Memo - 10/6/08
Posted on October 06, 2008Great googly moogly - Blawg Review #180 is a hefty sumbitch. (Law Pundit) At the bar I was at Friday night, the OJ verdict actually got a bigger cheer than anything that happened in the baseball games that were on...
Sarah Palin is a Fucking Bitch
Posted on October 06, 2008In the video below, Palin basically invites the media to attack her. Happy to oblige. At a rally here in Cali this past weekend, the woman who plans to shatter ceilings quoted Madelin Albright by saying that "there's a...
This SNL video may have been inevitable...
Posted on October 06, 2008...but that don't make it any less amusing. I could watch Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin all day doncha' know. -->...
Wherefore art the new President?
Posted on October 06, 2008Stephen Colbert, I kinda want to marry you....
Larry Flynt has his finger on the pulse. Wait a minute, that's not her pulse!
Posted on October 06, 2008Remember that Craigslist ad seeking a Sarah Palin lookalike for a porn. Well it's full porn ahead, as Larry Flynt's Hustler Video is shooting "Nailin' Paylin" with a plan to release it before the election. According to The Huffington Post:...
Man Unable to Blow Load Blows Arm Off Instead
Posted on October 03, 2008Seriously: What's the worst you ever overreacted when your loved one wouldn't put out? I bet you can't beat this guy, who shot his own arm. The Lee County Sheriff's Office reports that 29-year-old Jonathon Guabello and his girlfriend returned...
Last Night's Best Moment
Posted on October 03, 2008I'll just say this about the debate, because it looks like the bailout will dominate the political scene today, and Palin and Biden will likely be complete non-factors for the rest of the election: I wasn't nearly as surprised...
I Knew It! I Knew It! (Part II)
Posted on October 03, 2008Fantasy football stereotypes are true! A 35-year-old man was arrested Monday morning after he allegedly became upset over points in his Fantasy Football league and threatened to kill his roommate. According to a report from the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office,...
I Knew It! I Knew It!
Posted on October 03, 2008Comic-book stereotypes are true! A Japanese woman addicted to comics reportedly turned to the Internet to look for someone to kill her parents, after they asked her to clear out her cartoon-filled room. News reports say the 36-year-old woman -...
Today in C*nt Punditry
Posted on October 02, 2008From your very own GOP candidate for the President of the United States: Sen. John McCain said Thursday that Sen. Barack Obama's poll numbers are rising as the economy seems to sink "because life isn't fair." "He certainly did nothing...
Moooooooove outta my way cause I gotta catch them kids!
Posted on October 02, 2008Well here's something you don't see everyday. It's one thing to talk about a woman hanging out in a cow suit. It's another to talk about that same woman taking a leak on her neighbor's porch. While still wearing the...
Predicting tonight's VP debate
Posted on October 02, 2008It's gonna be a ... what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, that's right:...
The Daily Memo - 10/2/08
Posted on October 02, 2008Nancy Pelosi loves her husband so much that she gives him a bunch of money from her political action committee, even though she supported legislation against just such shenanigans. Hypocrisy much? (The Washington Times) Schnikey! $4.3 million in sanctions is...
Maybe they're for a really big Tupperware party?
Posted on October 02, 2008Hey, folks. Been a while since you saw the usually-absent non-lawyer around these parts huh? Yeah, well I am working on that. Meanwhile, there is like, a crapload of plastic coffins just sitting outside of Atlanta? And they are kinda...
Drunks say the darndest things
Posted on October 02, 2008So a state trooper pulls a swerving car over at 2 a.m. Driver be drunk. Blood-alcohol level 0.22 drunk. Trooper ask for ID. Drunk man pulls out wallet. Trooper examines driver's license. White powder falls out of a crumpled $100...
Utah Bans Fruity Drinks
Posted on October 01, 2008Utah's Mormon-backed legislature has banned fruity alcohol drinks: Utah's supply of flavored malt beverages will likely be exhausted in a few weeks as manufacturers decide whether to comply with labeling rules intended to make it clear the products contain alcohol...
It's not like we're talking about "I'm a Little Teacup" here or anything...
Posted on October 01, 2008Over in the UK, poor Gino Lee Breeze has been sentenced to three years in the clink for assault. Just because he asked a guy to sing "Baa Baa Black Sheep." Well ok. So maybe he broke into the guys...
Adolescents Drinking the Obama Kool-Aid
Posted on October 01, 2008Is this some sick joke? A bunch of kids, no doubt brainwashed by the DNC, have been forced probably against their will to sing unicorn songs about Barack Obama and hope and change. They are practically shitting rainbows. Why...
The Daily Memo - 10/1/08
Posted on October 01, 2008With all the financial system collapse business, I didn't even know they appointed a special prosecutor to look into the US Attorney firing debacle. (Slate) A court in India decided to split the baby regarding Mattel's Scrabulous lawsuit. (Likelihood of...
Obama Might Just Win this Goddamn Election
Posted on October 01, 2008There's a ton of good news out there if you're an Obama supporter. The national polls show Obama is up anywhere from 2 to 10 points, depending on which poll you look at. A poll of polls puts Obama up...
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
Posted on October 01, 2008Michael Gordon Fernandes has been arrested because he and an unknown man stole some water. Five truckloads of the stuff. Seems the duo snatched five trucks of bottled water from a shipping center over the course of a month-and-a-half, amounting...
Oh for fuck's sake...
Posted on October 01, 2008Yesterday morning, McCain said that he might suspend his campaign again because of our financial woes. It wasn't a political stunt then, and it wouldn't be this time. No sir. It's all because Obama wants to tax our unborn children....
God damn it!
Posted on September 30, 2008Sarah Palin was running around in Philly in a McNabb jersey and the Eagles suffer a gut-wrenching loss to da' Bears on Sunday night. Coincidence? I think not. Stop fucking with my team, lady!...
Dude, it's simple math -- just wash the fucking dishes
Posted on September 30, 2008If your girlfriend is batshit crazy and asks you to do the dishes. You do them. Simple equation really: fucking nuts + request to do chore = done and done Because if you change the equation ever so slightly, you...
Silly Cinema Goer Sues Over Unpopped Popcorn
Posted on September 30, 2008Awwww. Did the poor little frivolous litigant hurt his wittle toof? Insurance broker Steve Kaplan says he encountered a double dud while watching the movie "Superbad" at the AMC-Lincoln Square Cinema a year ago: His tooth hurt and the movie...
Damnit. Show Us the Clip! Show Us the Clip!
Posted on September 30, 2008I don't know why the conservatives are always railing against the media elite and claiming liberal bias when stuff like this happens. Apparently, there is unaired footage of the Couric/Palin interview that was too awful to show on TV. I...
Douchebag Republican Offers Lamest Reason Yet to Vote for McCain
Posted on September 30, 2008For reasons that's aren't clear to me, The National Review Online published a letter from a reader, which supposedly presents why Obama's tax increases on the wealthy are bad for America. The letter reads, in part: Just thought I'd send...
The Daily Memo - 9/30/08
Posted on September 30, 2008Well if Judges are going to get in trouble for cursing from the bench, maybe I just won't be a fucking judge. (Law.com) Turns out law degrees are still a good value, if you manage to score a high-paying firm...
Let's Decide this Once and For All ...
Posted on September 29, 2008In the clip above (around the one minute mark), does John McCain actually say "horseshit"? It looks kind of like it, and it sounds kind of like it. But, surely he wouldn't. Or would he? Let's just pretend he...
Well, Sex Can Be a Religious Experience
Posted on September 29, 2008A man charged with running a massage parlor/brothel disguised as a church, has come up with a fairly clever defense: Freedom of Religion. In his latest court argument, the Tucson man says he hired women at Angel's Heaven Relaxation Spa...
What Would Happen if Disney Made a Movie about Sarah Palin?
Posted on September 29, 2008See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor....
The Daily Memo - 9/29/08
Posted on September 29, 2008New York judge to attorney trying to withdraw from a case because he doesn't want to pay twenty grand in witness fees that his clients may not be able to pay back: "You're a lawyer, right? So you get what...
It's good to be the Judge
Posted on September 29, 2008Me, I get a DUI, I get tossed in the clink. You, you get a DUI, you get tossed in the clink. You or me, we get a second DUI, you better believe we get tossed in the clink. A...
Cue up the Ringling Brothers music now, maestro, if you'd be so kind...
Posted on September 29, 2008So Sheriff's deputies are called to your house because of a domestic disturbance between you and your husband. Your husband gets arrested, and now it's your turn. But you don't want to go to jail -- you ain't going out...
I, too, try to hide my discomfort behind my adorability!
Posted on September 29, 2008Not as funny as the first one, particularly since the interview it's based on was so damn (unintentionally) amusing on its own. But it still has a few good bits:...
My Life on the Suing-the-Shit-Out-of-You List
Posted on September 29, 2008Emmy-winner Kathy Griffin has ... wait a minute? Emmy winner? Seriously people, when are we going to recognize how ridiculously worthless all these Hollywood awards are? I mean, as proven by last weekend's lowest-rated-ever Emmy broadcast, they don't even give...
Sarah Palin Hates These Witches
Posted on September 26, 2008So, I've been hearing about a video involving Sarah Palin's church pastor, who did some sort of exorcism in church or something. And I thought, well, at worse, Sarah Palin might have been in the church and witnessed it....
Bill O'Reilly Flips Out, Starts to Make Sense
Posted on September 26, 2008You've gotta listen to this clip. I mean it. O'Reilly goes off on right-wing radio. Seriously, goes off on the deep end. Angry, yelly, O'Reilly. Of course, he goes after Barney Frank ("you big fat toad"), too. But, hey!...
Ahhhh! Putin's Head Enter's Alaskan Airspace
Posted on September 26, 2008There is nothing more terrifying than the thought of Putin's head floating around in Alaskan airspace. I hope he can't shoot lasers from his eyes. (Sorry about the image -- I'm not exactly a Photoshop expert; it's the best I...
Righteo, duderino
Posted on September 26, 2008(This happy hippy brought to you by The Smoking Gun.)...
I'm guessing it was Hudson Hawk
Posted on September 25, 2008There are so many jokes that can be made about this story that I don't even know where to begin, so I'm just giving it to you: A 40-year-old man walking his dog in the nude Friday night in northwest...
Hi. It's Sarah Palin -- Does This Mean I'm Pars'ident Now?
Posted on September 25, 2008How many of you folks went to bed last night with your head spinning? I'm one of those goddamn news junkies, who spent the entire night in front of one of the various cable shows (Olbermann, Maddow, Cooper, Stewart, Letterman...
The latest reason McCain is full of shit....
Posted on September 25, 2008So McCain suspended his campaign and said he's not showing up to Friday night's debate unless legislation is passed resolving the financial clusterfuck we're in. Because shit doesn't get done in Washington unless Old Man McCain is there to git...
Here's Some Honest Diversity of Opinion
Posted on September 25, 2008I spend too much time on left-wing blogs or watching the "liberal elites" on the cablers. So, in an effort to see what the other side is saying, I checked out some conservative blogs this afternoon, just to see. Here's...
Mommy ... hold me ... I'm ... so cold and scared ...
Posted on September 25, 2008"Just the tip," is an oft-used line by teenagers hoping to get an inch of nookie. Now it has an entirely different and altogether uncomfortable meaning.... A Shelby County man and his wife said two doctors amputated the man's penis...
The Daily Memo - 9/25/08
Posted on September 25, 2008So after January 1 I can't text in my car anymore? That's valuable billable time going to waste, man! (LAist) Biden's met just a few more foreign leaders than Palin. (The Trail) Good times at Tampa Bay games once more,...
Are We Headed Toward Martial Law?
Posted on September 24, 2008Diane Rehm is a crazy left-wing nutjob, but she's got a show on NPR, so she must know something, right? Anyway, she's reporting here that the United States, for the first time ever, is putting an active army unit...
Irony is Thy Name!
Posted on September 24, 2008Do as I say, not as I do. A Maryland state delegate who called for "DUI" license plates that would be issued to people convicted more than once of drunken driving has been charged with driving under the influence himself....
The courts have no appreciation of good literature...
Posted on September 24, 2008From The Columbus Dispatch: A southwest Ohio judge has ruled that a man acquitted of rape cannot adopt the name of the lead character in a famous novel about wrongful imprisonment and revenge. Former Miami University student Jason Landis wanted...
The Daily Memo - 9/24/08
Posted on September 24, 2008A new Supreme Court term is around the corner, and while it looks to have less drama than the last one, it's still early. (Law.com) Google and some internet companies are telling the Bush Administration to shove its new copyright...
Campbell Brown: Trendsetter?
Posted on September 24, 2008CNN's Campbell Brown has always struck me as the sorority girl type who got called dumb by a professor, so she went to J-school and studied her ass off while her friends were out fucking their brains out. Cause...
Throw away the fucking key while you're at it
Posted on September 24, 2008This charming young man is a convicted sex offender. And a fucking idiot. Back in July, he was put on probation. One of the terms of his probation was that he had to stay away from kids. Forty minutes later...
Hey Gov'ner lady! Show us ya' tits!
Posted on September 24, 2008New York's The Daily News decided to hire a look-alike to walk the Big Apple's streets pretending to be Sarah Palin. Some folks seemed to dig her, but this man's quote is the real gem: "You're hot! But I hope...
Good! Suspend the little Twerp
Posted on September 23, 2008Since when did 11-year-old kids start espousing hateful political speech. Oh yeah. When their parents became hateful fuckers. See, e.g.: An 11-year-old in Aurora says his first amendment rights are being trampled after he was suspended for wearing a homemade...
The Absolute Worst Presidential Campaign Ad. Ever.
Posted on September 23, 2008At least McCain's ads are provocative, even if they are completely false. This one: Holy shit. Talking to a parrot? Animal metaphors? The only thing it's missing is panda rape. (Image Courtesy of Pajiba's jM)...
Al Frankes Hearts Rape
Posted on September 23, 2008And here's the problem with running for political office when you once were a comedy writer. So much material can be used against you. And that's ... okay. Because, doggone it ... ah, screw it....
The Daily Memo - 9/23/08
Posted on September 23, 2008Arrrrrrrrr.... Activision is suing game pirates. (Wired Blog) What? But how can this bailout be anything but wonderful, glorious news? (Concurring Opinions) Seriously people, an additional $700 billion burden is awesome. (CNN Money) A lawyer filed a $20 million lawsuit...
This Ain't No Nigerian Email ....
Posted on September 23, 2008SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP DEAR AMERICAN: I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE. I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY...
Yeah, that's right.
Posted on September 23, 2008So I'm carrying some guns, cop. Whadda you care? The ladies love these guns. Even some of the guys love these guns. These guns! Oh yeah! (These guns brought to you by The Smoking Gun.)...
Sweet and Sour
Posted on September 23, 2008The "sour" part of this story is that Ryan Mueller, a four-time convicted burglar, now has one more conviction on his record. He's been sentenced to 6 years in the clink after being busted by a woman who walked into...
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc
Posted on September 22, 2008Over on the New York Times, Aaron Sorkin wrote an absolutely brilliant fictional exchange between the "West Wing's" President Bartlett and Barack Obama, and he nailed it (as he should, I suppose) It's worth checking out the whole thing (if...
Nice. Why Doesn't the Judge Just Take Away Their Bubbles?
Posted on September 22, 2008Goddamn laws and lawyers and judges and legal systems. You can't even be a pirate these days without the "man" ruining all your fun. The front yard of a house in a tony British Columbia neighborhood is a little less...
COME ON! McCain Ad Hits New Level of Absurdity
Posted on September 22, 2008There has has actually got to be something of substance that John McCain can latch onto in one of his many increasingly absurd Obama attack ads. This one, frankly, is crazy-outrageous. It basically suggests that, because Barack Obama lives...
The Daily Memo - 9/22/08
Posted on September 22, 2008Sure, it's a few thousand years later, but good on Socrates for finally having his death sentence overturned. Although it was a mock appeal. And he's still dead. (Supreme Dicta) Is a high-price call girl to blame for AIG's financial...
Keith Olbermann wants him some double meat!
Posted on September 22, 2008Yes, Olbermann can be a bit too smug and self-righteous at times. But I still think his "special comments" are generally right on. This one more so than any other:...
Could Bob Barr win Texas?
Posted on September 22, 2008Bob Barr is running for president on the Libertarian ticket. And he's now filed a lawsuit in Texas looking to get McCain and Obama both thrown off the state ballot, which would open things up for him considerably. Both camps'...
See people, this is why we need to go back to the barter system!
Posted on September 22, 2008Because if we did, lawyers like Scott Robert Erwin would be more able to help out those who can't afford the big bills that typically come with hiring a lawyer. But we live in a cash economy people. So good...
Woah! Woah! Back the Hell Up, Canada!
Posted on September 19, 2008Some mouthy Canadian lady has come out with some nasty-ass things to say about Sarah Palin. The gall! The audacity! Where does this woman get off? The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation is reviewing complaints from both Americans and Canadians about a...
The Smartest Thing a Republican Has Said in a Month
Posted on September 19, 2008This quote is from Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel, who is kind of like John McCain used to be before John McCain turned into a generic Republican. Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska on Wednesday became the nation's most prominent Republican officeholder...
You Corporate Lawyers Feel Chained to Your Office by That Goddamn Blackberry?
Posted on September 19, 2008Blame McCain....
This Sarah Palin Mash-Up Was Clearly Inevitable
Posted on September 18, 2008The funny thing is, it's not that far off from what Palin actually said. Here's the actual video:...
The Daily Memo - 9/18/08
Posted on September 18, 2008Will the hacking of Sarah Palin's e-mail account lead to a new e-mail privacy act? (Concurring Opinions) Would McCain lie about his position on the economy? (ABC News Blogs) Could there be voter fraud afoot in Michigan? (Law.com) Would someone...
Look, we all handle rejection in our own special way
Posted on September 18, 2008Some of us, when turned down by a lady, drown our sorrows in drink. Others, move on to turn our attention to another gal. Farrah Emami subscribes to the second approach. To an extent. But if multiple ladies turn him...
Florida -- Turning it Up to 11!
Posted on September 18, 2008In most states, it would be enough to simply say that it's a bad idea for a 31-year old woman to have sex with a 16-year old boy. In exceptional states, you'd add that it's a bad idea for the...
Things not to do when faking your own death
Posted on September 18, 2008Well look. You just shouldn't fake your own death in the first place. But if you are going to fake your own death, for the love of good, have someone else prepare your forged death certificate. Because when your fingerprints...
Mesmerizing Critics with the Power of Dance!
Posted on September 17, 2008How dare you question John McCain! This one is kind of ... right cross-y. Damn. Colbert nails it here something like 47 times....
Today's QuizLaw Challenge
Posted on September 17, 2008This one is for the fellas out there. Try to get through the following passage without developing severe heart palpitations. Bet you can't! A 2cm long fish apparently found it's way into the penis of a 14-year-old boy from India...
Look man, when you're hungry, you're hungry
Posted on September 17, 2008Fucking cops, man. In Roxbury Township, New Jersey, local cops pulled over a pickup truck they claim was erratically changing lanes. Ok, fair enough. They then talked to James Garfield and Robin Harrington to find out what was up. Apparently,...
The Daily Memo - 9/17/08
Posted on September 17, 2008Sheboygan!!! A woman is suing the city for allegedly ordering her to take a link to the city police department off her website. Blah blah blah ... Sheboygan! (JS Online) "You can't contract foreign policy experience like a rhinovirus." Really?...
OMG! OMG! The Nation is (Slowly) Opening Its Eyes
Posted on September 17, 2008New polls are out this morning, and while the majority of them still show a dead heat (a Gallup poll yesterday had McCain up by one, a Reuters poll had Obama up by two this morning), they all seem to...
Wait? A Republican who remembers what Republicans are supposed to stand for?
Posted on September 17, 2008So I keep my eye on some local LA websites just to try to keep up with what's going on in my neck of the woods. And this article over at LAist initially caught my eye because I was happy...
*Cough Cough*
Posted on September 17, 2008Oh, why hello there officer. No sir, I'm just sitting here in my car enjoying the fresh air. Not sure why anyone would have called you to report drug use going on in this car. I'm just chilling out, maxing,...
Financial Disaster Met by Gay Grope!
Posted on September 16, 2008All right -- in the off chance that you haven't seen this video yet, I feel obligated to share it here. 1) Look behind the CNN anchor. 2) Watch closely. 3) Revel in glee. Console! Ha. Tee hee....
Idle Thoughts
Posted on September 16, 2008Here where I currently reside, in Portland, Maine, the city council has enacteda new law that makes it a crime, punishable with $50 fines, to leave your car idling for more than five minutes. Ha! I'm not entirely sure how...
You go, Carl!
Posted on September 16, 2008So here in California, we have a fuck-ton of long, boring codes. Civil Code, Code of Civil Procedure, Business & Professions Codes, Family Code, Fish and Game Code, Water Code, etc. etc. But they're all copyrighted. So if you want...
The Daily Memo - 9/16/08
Posted on September 16, 2008Heller Ehrman just can't get itself a prom date. (Above the Law) Turns out pretending to be a lawyer can get ya' in trouble. (Law.com) No frozen sperm for you! (WT&E Prof Blog) A new proposed Federal Rule of Evidence...
It's the Values, Stupid
Posted on September 16, 2008My wife is far more liberal than I. And over the weekend, for shits and giggles, I tried -- I really tried -- during an episode of "Real Time with Bill Maher" to play devil's advocate with her on Sarah...
Aw man, I miss those frogs!
Posted on September 16, 2008Thanks to The Smoking Gun, here's a reminder of a better time, when frogs belched about beer and the world was at peace.......
Lawyers make the best prisoners
Posted on September 16, 2008In Ooooooooooooklahoma, two lovely attorneys were arrested in the wee hours of the morning because, get this, they were causing a disturbance at the Whataburger drive-thru. So off to the clink they went, since they were drunk and gave the...
If Obama Won't Hit Back Hard, At Least Someone Will
Posted on September 15, 2008Remember the disgraceful ad that McCain ran (above), accusing him of teaching sex education to kindergartners. Well, Planned Parenthood -- of all people -- has decided to take the gloves off and sucker punch McCain where it hurts. I...
Today in Pretty Pictures
Posted on September 15, 2008The above photo actually comes from professional photographer Jill Greenburg, who was hired by The Atlantic to do a photoshoot of John McCain for the magazine. The magazine apparently vetted Greenburg the same way that McCain vetted Palin, which is...
Zoinks! What? Huh? Are You Effing Kidding Me?
Posted on September 15, 2008For those who keep up with the Obama campaign talking points, one of the oft-repeated ones is that McCain has stated in the past that our economy is still "fundamentally strong." When I hear them say that, I usually...
The Daily Memo - 9/15/08
Posted on September 15, 2008Urban juries are softer on crime than suburban juries because they don't trust the police. In other breaking news, the sky is blue. (Above the Law) A Bed, Bath and Beyond manager has been charged by local police for refusing...
Who wears short shorts?
Posted on September 15, 2008Reader Alyssa sent us the amusing clip embedded below, figuring we'd enjoy it. She figured right. I totally have to remember the "I was dressed so cute" defense. And stay tuned to the end of the video, because my personal...
Gives a new meaning to "laying pipe"
Posted on September 15, 2008Yikes. When a Deltona, Florida man heard noises coming out of his teenage daughter's bedroom on a Thursday morning, he grabbed a metal pipe and went upstairs. Where he found a naked boy standing on his daughter's bed. So he...
She works hard for the money, so hard for it honey....
Posted on September 15, 2008Courtesy of a friend of the site (who just welcomed a baby girl into the world -- congrats!) comes this image from the Washington Post comparing the effect of the McCain and Obama tax cuts. And wouldn't you know it...
Floridians Serious About Watering Plants. Really Serious.
Posted on September 12, 2008With all the focus on the idiot in Alaska, we've forgotten what truly matters around here: The idiots in Florida. A Hudson man fired a gun and chased his neighbor with a machete after an argument over watering plants,...
McCain an Old, Rotting Fish?
Posted on September 12, 2008So what did the Obama campaign learn from the "lipstick on a pig" flap and the subsequent backlash against them? Apparently, nothing. Good God: Here we go again....
The Daily Memo - 9/12/08
Posted on September 12, 2008NFL Players Association to CBS: "Oh yeah? Well we can file lawsuits too, fuckers." ...Seriously people, stop fucking with my fantasy football! (LawInfo) Former Rhode Island Senator Lincoln Chafee says that our favorite VP candidate is a "cocky wacko." (CNN...
If You Look Really Closely, You Can See Palin Actually Shit Herself
Posted on September 12, 2008So, given the level of scrutiny -- which will happen when your interviews are so rare that they are made into special events -- I actually thought Sarah Palin wasn't disastrous. Clearly, she was regurgitating a bunch of lines...
So wait. Does this mean Sarah Palin is dirty hot?
Posted on September 12, 2008I love Gina Gershon because she's dirty hot. But I've never thought of her as particularly entertaining from, you know, an acting standpoint. I mean, she was in Showgirls for fuck's sake. But she does a pretty decent Sarah Palin,...
A lawsuit involving Josh Hartnett that isn't about his terrible acting is a waste of the pleading paper it's printed on
Posted on September 12, 2008Josh Hartnett is suing the Daily Mirror, a British paper, because of a story it printed earlier this month about him allegedly getting frisky with a gal in a London hotel library and being filmed in the act. Seems that...
Pig/Lipstick Final Post ...
Posted on September 11, 2008How wrong was the McCain campaign? So wrong that Bill O'Reilly is defending Obama. Ho. Lee....
Keith Olbermann Gets Self Righteous Again ...
Posted on September 11, 2008This time on 9/11. And, again, he's more or less right. Smug as hell. But accurate....
The Daily Memo - 9/11/08
Posted on September 11, 2008For the second time, Larry Craig is taking a wide stance in the courtroom. (WSJ Law Blog) Where's that phrase "lipstick on a pig" come from anyways? (Slate) If you've got pain-in-the-ass tenants, here's the way to legally evict them....
Lipstick on a Pig? Bitch, please.
Posted on September 11, 2008How cool is Barack Obama? As cool as the other side of the motherfucking pillow. Does he get rattled by the lipstick on a pig bullshit. Hell no. He makes a mockery of it. Smile, and the whole world...
Good Will Hunts
Posted on September 11, 2008I love Matt Damon. And everything he says about Sarah Palin in this video is absolutely correct. I applaud every word. I just wish it weren't on video. Those goddamn Republicans will find a way to turn it against...
Mitchell Berns is My Hero
Posted on September 11, 2008This is a great little tale. Long and the short of it is that Berns, a NY securities litigator, sued Delta Airlines in small claims court over weather-related flight delays. When Delta didn't bother to show up, he won a...
5th Period Inadvertently Turns Into a Lesson on Torture Porn
Posted on September 11, 2008Hey Teach! Next time you decide to watch torture porn on your computer, while sitting in front of your classroom, try to remember to disconnect it from the projector. You pud. Phoenix police are investigating a Phoenix photography teacher after...
OMG! Did Begala Just Call Palin a Monkey!
Posted on September 10, 2008He did! He did! But there won't be a big, fake-outrage ad made about this slur. Because to make a big deal out of it might enter the idea into the American subconscience that Sarah Palin was once a...
The DOJ and Google sitting in a tree...
Posted on September 10, 2008It seems that the DOJ may be setting its sites on Google, which makes me happy as a pig in shit. While Google was a force of Internet Good for some time, it's let its power go to its head...
The All-Time Best Bad Driving Excuse
Posted on September 10, 2008Here's one for the books. A man was pulled over after cops spotted him driving erratically. When asked why he was driving as such, Kurtis Ward matter-of-factly told the officer that the reason was because his passenger had spilled his...
The Daily Memo - 9/10/08
Posted on September 10, 2008Duke's lawyers actually argued that Duke football is the worst there is. But, my dear friends, what about my own alma matter, Temple? The Owls are fucking terrible man. (WSJ Law Blog). A French woman is suing the Church of...
Damn. That One Smarts.
Posted on September 10, 2008You gotta hand it to them: The McCain campaign hits those sweet spots occasionally. Granted, it's a quote that isn't in the least directed toward Palin, but Ouch. Nevermind that McCain said the same thing about Hillary a while...
Well that'll teach 'er!
Posted on September 10, 2008Carlos Salazar, an Arizona man,got into a fight with his wife. He wanted her family to leave the Salazar's home, while his wife was perfectly fine with them staying, thank you very much. Words were had. And then Salazar took...
Well at least he didn't whip out a gun
Posted on September 10, 2008Jeffrey M. Hansen's like a scientist. He was wandering buy the local sheriff's office on a recent Friday night when he found himself overwhelmed with curiosity about whether the windows were really bulletproof. So he conducted an experiment, by hucking...
53 Percent of White Women Have Lost Their Minds
Posted on September 09, 2008Well, the failure of Obama to pick Hillary as his VP choice is certainly starting to smart. According to the latest poll, there has been a 20 point swing among white women, in favor of McCain, since Sarah Palin was...
Palin Always Looking Out for the Tax Payers
Posted on September 09, 2008Here's a somewhat surprising statistic, given that we're talking about "maverick" Sarah Palin here. She charged the state of Alaska over $43,000 during her term as governor for travel, and billed the taxpayers $17,000 for per diem expenses, while traveling...
The Daily Memo - 9/9/08
Posted on September 09, 2008Sarah Palin, black leather and discipline? Yes please. (Salon) The Romantics' lawsuit over Guitar Hero has come to a quick and fruitless end. (43(B)log) J.K. Rowling's lawsuit against the Harry Potter Lexicon, however, worked out just fine for her. (WSJ...
More of the Same
Posted on September 09, 2008Most readers have probably figured out that I'm supporting Obama in November. That being said, his latest ad has me thinking that maybe he needs to stop doing more of the same. I mean, am I the only tired of...
"We'd only have to pay the Vice-President 75% as much as a male Vice-President..."
Posted on September 09, 2008Yesterday we gave you part one of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's report from last week's RNC Convention. Here's part two:...
Do not -- I repeat, do not -- fuck with my fantasy football!
Posted on September 09, 2008The online branch of CBS, CBS Interactive, has sued the NFL Players Association because the greedy NFLPA has itself threatened to sue CBS. Why? Because CBS doesn't pay the Players Association a licensing fee for using football players' stats for...
Say What You Want About the GOP. But They Are Savvy.
Posted on September 08, 2008The big news in the all Sarah all-the-time political world is that the she has finally agreed to an interview with the press, even though her handlers are saying that they won't let the media have her until they agree...
The Ego Wars Continue at MSNBC
Posted on September 08, 2008That video that Seth showed you, last week of Keith Olbermann lamenting the fact that NBC decided to show a 9/11 tribute video, aired during the Republican National Convention, was the death knell in Olbermann's future as an anchor for...
Obamarolled
Posted on September 08, 2008There are going to be a lot of videos at McCain's expense in the near future -- seriously, whoever it is on his campaign who dropped the ball on the video background needs to be fired -- especially since, as...
The Daily Memo - 9/8/08
Posted on September 08, 2008Tommy Lee Jones is suing Paramount over his No Country for Old Men contract because, apparently, it had a "no ambiguous endings" clause. (Cinematical) Who knew law profs could have court envy. (Concurring Opinions) Obama on Palin: "Don't be fooled...
What's the difference?
Posted on September 08, 2008Man, "The Daily Show" was just on fire the last two weeks with these conventions, wasn't it?...
Oh glorious football...
Posted on September 08, 2008I'm so happy you've returned to me. And sure, the highlight of the weekend was my Eagles' monstrous victory over the Rams, but these wonderful mugshots of some true football fans, courtesy of The Smoking Gun, are pretty great too:...
"Thousands of white people have gathered..."
Posted on September 08, 2008Here's part one of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's report from last week's RNC Convention:...
Heart Wants McCain Down, Down, Down, Down on his Knees
Posted on September 08, 2008It seems like every time that the McCain camp busts out a song in support of the campaign, the song's artist tells them to cut it the fuck out. And Heart is the latest to join those ranks. Last week,...
At Least Someone In the Media Has the Balls to Apologize for the Despicable Treatment of Sarah Palin
Posted on September 05, 2008Sarah Palin is not the only one with a mastery of sarcasm: On behalf of the media, I would like to say we are sorry. On behalf of the elite media, I would like to say we are very sorry....
Blurgh
Posted on September 05, 2008Thanks to a former editor from Life, the folks over at Poynter give us this magazine cover from September '04: That Tina Fey looks like someone. Really reminds of someone, but I just can't put my finger on it. (Hat...
Uhm. ...Ew.
Posted on September 05, 2008Reader Matthew C. pointed us to this story out of Florida (of course) knowing how much we'd love it. Right you were sir, right you were: A 22-year-old suspected truck burglar made a dirty mistake after he tried to hide...
The Daily Memo - 9/5/08
Posted on September 05, 2008Four more years! Four more years! Congrats to Jack Abramoff. (WSJ Law Blog) Is "gunshot victim sues to get prosthetic leg back" or "all your prosthetic leg are belong to us" the headline of the day? Very well could be....
Republican Convention Wrap-Up Day 4
Posted on September 05, 2008ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. No. Seriously. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz. It's hard to tell which was duller: John McCain's acceptance speech or the Giants/Redskins game. I think John Madden may have been more coherent than usual (probably because he was drunk), and there was one point...
Unleash the Hounds
Posted on September 05, 2008You know that flag image behind McCain last night for his big speech? Sure did look like he was in front of a blue screen, didn't it? I cannot wait to see what the Colbert Nation does with this...
See Keith, you should've been watching football
Posted on September 05, 2008Last night kicked off the 2008 NFL season and, except for the fact that Jason Campbell is my starting fantasy quarterback this week and he utterly shart the bed, last night was wonderful. Especially because it gave me a legit...
The Jabba-the-Hut Defense
Posted on September 05, 2008Mayra Rosales was recently facing charges for allegedly killing her baby nephew by beating him to death. Horrible story -- the two-year-old was struck in the head twice and died as a result and his mother thinks that Rosales, who...
Some pictures speak way more than 1,000 words
Posted on September 04, 2008I mean, sure, I can tell you all about the British burglar who tried to rob a house in the middle of the day, only to get his foot caught as he was busting through a window, leading to his...
Today in Sweet Sweet Punditry
Posted on September 04, 2008From Rebecca Schoenkopf, over on the Los Angeles CityBeat: As an actual feminist, I have the great good joy of getting to determine what is and isn't sexist. Sexist: Asking whether Sarah Palin shouldn't be staying home with her baby...
The Daily Memo - 9/4/08
Posted on September 04, 2008Google's already working to get rid of that awful language in the terms of service for their new Chrome browser... (Lifehacker) ...but Simon Says they may have a trademark lawsuit on their hands. (Concurring Opinions) Is Justice Alito going to...
Rage Against the RNC
Posted on September 04, 2008Rage Against the Machine was in Minnesota on Tuesday to play at an all-day event in the shadow of the RNC convention. When they were denied access to the stage (because it was too late to the event's curfew), however,...
The RNC Recap -- Day 3 (More Palin)
Posted on September 04, 2008I won't deny the effectiveness of Sarah Palin's speech last night. She was well spoken, articulate, and like Barack Obama, very clean. And made excellent use of sarcasm, to the point that I wanted to slap my television a few...
Now they're arresting people for being fiscally conservative?
Posted on September 04, 2008John Daniel Miller III just can't catch a break. The 55-year-old Texas man likes himself some weed. But the economy's rough right now, in case you haven't heard, and weed don't come cheep. So Miller did what any smartly frugal...
Right then -- carry on abusing dead bodies
Posted on September 04, 2008Back in 2004, an 88-year-old gal died in a Michigan nursing home. Three classy nurse's aids were supposed to prepare the body to be moved to a funeral home. While doing so, they decided to fuck around with the body,...
McCain is Actually One Wily Bitch? (Floating a Theory)
Posted on September 03, 2008I'm just going to put this out there because, in the unlikely event that it happens, I get to be one prescient motherfucker. But, is it too farfetched and too cynical to actually believe that the Palin disaster was all...
When is a 3 Day Old Video Still Good Enough to Post?
Posted on September 03, 2008When it's from the Daily Show, of course. God Bless Jon Stewart....
Uhm, fuck you Google
Posted on September 03, 2008Ok, so if you haven't heard, Google has unleashed its own browser, Chrome, onto the world, in an effort to battle Internet Explorer and Firefox and move one step closer to world domination and entirely ubiquitous advertising. But the terms...
The Daily Memo - 9/3/08
Posted on September 03, 2008"Should associates pay their law firms for the privilege of working there?" Uhm, fuck and ... oh, what's that word. Oh yeah -- no. (Above the Law) This story, that after Palin became Mayor she forced the top city managers...
RNC - Day 2 (Recaps)
Posted on September 03, 2008Not that any of you really need my expert analysis, but I couldn't resist watching the Republican Convention last night, if only to see how they'd spin the Sarah Palin thing (her nomination is, for better or worse, drawing...
"Is John Yoo a Monster?"
Posted on September 03, 2008Although I honored Labor Day weekend quite literally this year (stupid upcoming arbitration!), I did have a little down time, which I used to catch up on some of the old magazines piling up in my kitchen. One of those...
So you can get arrested for this shit now?
Posted on September 03, 2008If bad fashion is a crime, there's far worse that I can think of than a simple shirt being worn backwards, you know? (The Smoking Gun never lets us down, does it?)...
Eat Those Talking Points, Douchebags (All Palin All The Time)
Posted on September 02, 2008It's almost too goddamn easy. James Carville vs. A Woman Who Can't Blink who is spitting out talking points that she can't possibly believe. It's a long video, and although it's all pretty entertaining, around the 6:15 minute mark,...
Where I Come From, We'd Call Her Trailer Trash
Posted on September 02, 2008But apparently if you're on the VP ticket, you're a hero. I know I should probably let this go, but this Sarah Palin V.P. pick is so much goddamn fun, I've become preoccupied with it. So, in case you were...
Barack Obama Makes Gay History
Posted on September 02, 2008A moment for the history books, indeed. (Note: Listen closely. You may not catch it until the second time. I didn't.)....
The Daily Memo - 9/2/08
Posted on September 02, 2008The future of legal journalism? Come on -- we all know the answer to that one ... QuizLaw! (Concurring Opinions) What does Sarah Palin have in common with the black kid on "South Park?" (Salon) Hat tip to reader Lisa...
Will Juror for Food
Posted on September 02, 2008This isn't the first such story we've run across like this, but it doesn't make it any less amusing -- a Eugene, Oregon judge recently found herself on the shortside when it came to impaneling a jury, thanks to a...
Our readers know us so well
Posted on September 02, 2008Reader Matthew C. thought we might like this story. He thought correctly: A robber's plan to hold up a Southwest Side convenience store Monday afternoon took a different turn: The robber shot himself in the foot, got stabbed by a...
Crazy is as Crazy will do
Posted on September 02, 2008Chad Johnson was a good receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals. Chad Johnson was a fan of end zone antics. Chad Johnson, simply put, was. But Chad Johnson no longer is. That's because he's now Chad Ocho Cinco. Nut job went...
Breaking: Desperate Obama Impregnates Palin's 17-Year-Old Daugther
Posted on September 01, 2008Goddamn Democrats! Just as the beautiful Sarah Palin -- hockey mom, PTA president, Ms. Congeniality, Savior -- was skating by relatively unscathed by her complete lack of experience, her flip-flops on the bridge to nowhere, her husband's DWI, her former...
Hey hey hey
Posted on September 01, 2008So before Barack's speech there was that nice little Ken Burn's film. And yes, it was nice. But it weren't this. This is kick ass (and you have to love "the adolescent Obama"): Happy Labor Day y'all -- see ya...
The Daily Memo - 8/29/08
Posted on August 29, 2008I couldn't even read this article, because the awesome clown picture kept distracting me and, yeah I'll admit it, making me cower in the corner of the room. He a scary clown! (Above the Law) Hmmmm. This guy liked TNT's...
En gard!
Posted on August 29, 2008Ok -- this is a great story about a foursome that hooked up for some orgy fun but wound up with one of the men in a hospital and the other male behind bars. You should give it a read,...
Here's Your Republican V.P. Pick
Posted on August 29, 2008Well, she's pretty. In fact, she was the runner-up in a Ms. Alaska contest. Also, according to Wikipedia, "she hunts, eats moose burgers, ice fishes, rides snowmobiles, and owns a float plane. Palin holds a lifetime membership with the National...
Awww, did I hurt the little-bitty ugly brat's feewing?
Posted on August 29, 2008Fucking ridiculous. A choir teacher got mad at a 14-year-old girl and kicked her out of the class, calling her an "ugly brat" on the way out. Ok, a bit harsh although, since the article is sans photograph or a...
M'awake, m'awake *hicc'p* oh, hey Mr. Occifer!
Posted on August 29, 2008Awesome. Just awesome. A 20-year-old man was busted for drunk driving. (Not the awesome part.) He was busted because a cop found him, at 5 a.m., pulled over to the side of the road and fast asleep behind the wheel....
Intentional or Not, It's Still Creepy as Hell
Posted on August 28, 2008If it's true that nothing in politics is a mistake, then John McCain and his campaign have a little something to answer for, after this image from an ad he is running came to light. See it? Obama's campaign theme:...
Cable Newser Goes into Melt Down Mode
Posted on August 28, 2008Have anyone been following the interpersonal dramatics between the personalities over on MSNBC? No. Of course you haven't. That's part of the problem. But for Keith Olbermann's show, nobody watches MSNBC, which is why there is all this internal...
Who Says the Economy is Bad?
Posted on August 28, 2008Some Americans are doing quite well, in fact. Like The Repo Man! There's never been a better time to be a Repo Man. Seriously: This guy should get his own sitcom....
The Daily Memo - 8/28/08
Posted on August 28, 2008Surviving an island is way easier than surviving BigLaw. (Above the Law) Dude, getting free muffins by surfing the web at Panera would be rad. (Concurring Opinions) The Supremes got a little attention at the DNC Convention on Tuesday night....
It's a free ride, when you've already paid...
Posted on August 28, 2008Irony, they name is the AARP being sued by a 63-year-old woman for age discrimination. Yup. Bonita Brady claims that the group that's supposed to help out the old folks passed her over for nine job openings after having lost...
"I dunno why everyone keeps calling me 'Wife-Beater Man.'"
Posted on August 28, 2008(These tan lines brought to you by The Smoking Gun.)...
See, crime does pay!
Posted on August 28, 2008One thousand burglaries? Holy mackerel. A confessed burglar described by police as one of the most prolific thieves in Los Angeles history was resentenced Tuesday to 7½ years in prison after making a police training video showing how he stole...
Bill Clinton is Kind of a ... Dick
Posted on August 27, 2008Did anyone find Bill Clinton's facial performance during Hilary Clinton's speech last night a little dishonest? It was, without a doubt, a fantastic speech, and I actually felt all of my pre-campaign fondness for Hillary return, at least for...
Didn't I See This on "The Practice"?
Posted on August 27, 2008Does anyone remember the episode of David E. Kelley's "The Practice" where an obese woman opted to plead guilty to killing her husband instead of revealing the truth: That she rolled over him in her sleep, suffocating him. This case...
Well sure, if you go out boozing, you're practically begging for it
Posted on August 27, 2008Across the pond, a 29-year-old woman was raped several years ago after someone spiked her drink. She eventually wound up before the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority, some British governmental thing which apparently gives compensatory money to victims...
The Daily Memo - 8/27/08
Posted on August 27, 2008Kate Hudson has been sued for giving away the volcanic secret to a line of hair products. (Defamer) Fun -- Maryland's high court has cited to "Seinfeld" in ruling on Tom Clancy's fight with his ex. (Law.com) Not fun --...
Well of course he was arrested
Posted on August 27, 2008A Florida man was arrested because he went up to hooker and tried to buy some sex. And since the hooker was actually an undercover sheriff's deputy, well, so it goes. But you ask me, Fausino Diaz Hernandez wasn't arrested...
Who Was that Bouncy Little Crazy Troll at the DNC?
Posted on August 27, 2008Great speech, but dude might want to get some pine tar for the back of his shoe heels. All that bouncing gave me vertigo. On second thought, he should've just given that speech to Bill Clinton, for tonight....
Oh, bother
Posted on August 27, 2008In Tokyo, two people were robbed when a man and three teenagers came up to them, picked a fight, drug the pair off into a park, and stole their cash. The man, Masayuki Ishikawa, was arrested and says that "it...
You Know What? Parents are Sucky Whiners
Posted on August 26, 2008Have you folks heard about this story, about a kid who was basically kicked out of Little League because he threw too hard? That an opposing team actually refused to take the field, because the parents were afraid their poor...
Oh, Arkansas -- You Run Deep in Me
Posted on August 26, 2008Good for Arkansas! After proudly collecting the requisite number of signatures, my home state has made the right, moral, fair decision to put an initiative on this November's ballot that would ban unmarried couples who co-habitate from adopting or fostering...
The Daily Memo - 8/26/08
Posted on August 26, 2008Tonight, the DNC Convention will put a light on the Supremes with a speech from a Supreme Court litigant. (Law.com) Well hell, you know I'm alway going to link to a blawg post that references Sheboygan. Fucking love that city's...
Awwww, poor Fox News just can't catch a break
Posted on August 26, 2008On Fox News last week, we got to see a nice little, uhm, anti-Fox Noise chant (the highlight is around the 2:20 mark): So wait, if someone doesn't want to talk to Fox News, they don't believe in freedom of...
Where's my ten dollars?!
Posted on August 26, 2008Ridiculous. An Ohio couple was almost arrested for owing $10 in city income taxes. They were late on the payment and the city, apparently desperate for the Hamilton, issued an arrest warrant and sent to county sheriff's deputies out to...
McCain don't know much?
Posted on August 26, 2008With the DNC Convention now in full swing, Barack has taken a new ad to the streets:...
Strippers say the darndest things!
Posted on August 26, 2008In Chandler, Arizona, Ruby Elaine Bojorquez ... sigh. People, come on. You name your daughter Ruby, of course she's going to grow up to be a stripper. Christ sake. Any way, Ruby's been arrested for stabbing her boyfriend in the...
Upstate Assemblyman Sure Wishes for a Lot of Things ...
Posted on August 25, 2008A married assemblyman and father of two in upstate New York sent out an email titled, "What I wish," to a 19-year-old intern, which included these lovely wishes: ". . . that i could be painting your toenails right now...
The Daily Memo - 8/25/08
Posted on August 25, 2008So you're saying I shouldn't wear short-shorts to court? ...Dang. (Above the Law) A Mississippi lawyer has been defrocked because he loves his clients' money. (Law.com) Joe Biden's first speech as VP nominee may have been a little underwhelming. (Supreme...
One Man, One Vote
Posted on August 25, 2008Literally: Angela Tuttle has won an election, but she won't have to spend a lot of time thanking the people who voted for her. Tuttle was running for constable of Hancock County, Tennessee, as a write-in candidate. Nobody else was...
Public Safety Continues...
Posted on August 25, 2008Earlier, we helped rid the streets of those little bitch girls who had the audacity to sell some fruit. Now, we're throwing women in jail for having library books overdue for two months! Two whole months. I mean, lookit. A...
Illegal produce sales will not be tolerated! Not now, not ever!
Posted on August 25, 2008You hear me -- no illegal produce. So just go back to slinging drugs or selling your bodies, you coke whore bitches. Because Clayton, Georgia is a wholesome family kind of place! Whazzat? The illegal fruit stand was being run...
This Explains A Lot
Posted on August 22, 2008See more Adam "Ghost Panther" McKay videos at Funny or Die...
Today in C*nt Punditry
Posted on August 22, 2008From a regular in this feature, Mr. Rush Limbaugh: I think this is a classic illustration here where affirmative action has reared its ugly head against them. It's the reverse of it. They've, they've ended up nominating and placing at...
Woman Gives Birth to Her Own Grandchild
Posted on August 22, 2008Here's the math: A 61-year-old Japanese woman gave birth to her own grandchild, using an egg donated by her daughter, a clinic said Thursday. Surrogate births are extremely rare in Japan and banned by industry groups, but they are not...
It's As the Bible Says: A Screw for a Screw
Posted on August 22, 2008Adultery doesn't often result in million dollar judgments against you, but apparently, if you're a lawyer diddling your client's wife, you're gonna get fucked. Twice. Solo practitioner Ronald Henry Pierce of Mississippi will have to pay a $1.5 million verdict...
The Daily Memo - 8/22/08
Posted on August 22, 2008California to drivers: "Nxt year, u might want 2 not txt while driving." (LAist) Guardian to Google: "Are you a 'friendly giant or greedy Goliath?'" (Concurring Opinions) Seth to Guardian: "Oh, no doubt a greedy bastard of a Goliath prick...
This Wisconsin church speaks the truth!
Posted on August 22, 2008Nothing to do with the law whatsoever, but I feel like QuizLaw's true purpose is to spread the Truth, and if this ain't the Truth, I dunno what is.... (Hat tip to Deadspin.)...
Spice up your interview life!
Posted on August 22, 2008So the Bitter Lawyer website recently sent us a link to a posting about a Southern California law student who also happens to be a porn star. She's apparently starred in over 100 flicks including Titty Titty Bang Bang (oh...
It may not be justice, but it sure as hell is karma
Posted on August 22, 2008Joe Francis, Freedom Fighter! To be fair, from what I've read, I do think there were some shenanigans. Not a lot. Bus some. But whatever, because they couldn't have happened to a scummier guy. (Hat tip to reader Annelise, who...
Who's the Elitist Now, You Bitter Old Bitch?
Posted on August 21, 2008You had to know that, the GOP candidate from one of the richest families in Arizona started calling Barack Obama an elitist because he ate arugula that it'd eventually bite him in the ass. Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said...
Cop Gets Carried Away with Scared Straight Routine
Posted on August 21, 2008It's one thing to warn high schoolers of the dangers of MySpace pages, but demonstration by example is probably not the best idea when you're showing sexual predators pictures of the very high school girls you're talking to. Students and...
This is What Happens When You Pay Teachers Peanuts ...
Posted on August 21, 2008They are forced to go out and get real nuts, and by real nuts, I of course mean: Testicles. A Cleveland High School teacher was charged with prostitution after meeting a man in an online chat room and soliciting him...
The Daily Memo - 8/21/08
Posted on August 21, 2008Nudists to San Onofre State Beach: "For the next few months, at least, I'm just hanging in the wind!" (LAist) Hipster douchebags to Apple: "We wantz 3G iPonez work better." (Gizmodo) Readers to Seth: "Seriously, you're going to do this...
Some jokes write themselves
Posted on August 21, 2008Seriously, I'm sorry. So fucking sorry. But I can't help myself. You know how Obama's been getting some shit for his comments that proper tire inflation could help with gas consumption? Well the Governor of my fine state gave a...
Medium Regular
Posted on August 21, 2008Dunkin' Donuts is the best. You folks in Boston know what I'm talking about and, to a lesser extent, so do many of my other East Coast homies. Out here on the Left Coast, y'all don't have a clue what...
What's he supposed to do? Give her a fucking medal?
Posted on August 21, 2008A lawyer in Maine who runs a nonprofit organization that helps blind folks has been arrested and charged with domestic violence. Seems he got a touch pissed off when her daughter rung up a $5,000 cell phone bill. So he...
Can We Talk?
Posted on August 20, 2008So, what happened folks? Six weeks ago, polls showed that Barack Obama had a 9 point lead over John McCain. Now, McCain has a five point lead, according to the latest Zogby Poll. Was it something we said? What's going...
Turn Down that Music!
Posted on August 20, 2008Those damn kids and their goddamn music! A New Zealand kindergarten disco was broken up by authorities for pumping out "Bob the Builder" music too loud. While the preschoolers were dancing at the One Tree Hill Kindergarten in Auckland, an...
Man Gets Four Months for "Technically" Violating House Arrest
Posted on August 20, 2008I didn't realize that the rules of house arrest had gotten so strict. Suddenly, if you're under house arrest, you can't get high and go naked joyriding with a prostitute? Bullshit! James Boppre broke all the rules of house arrest...
The Daily Memo - 8/20/08
Posted on August 20, 2008My favorite governor, PA Governor Ed Rendell, to the Geek Squad: "What is this e-mail contraption you speak so knowingly of?" (Download Squad) Federal Judge to Warner Brothers: "Who's responsible for deciding who watches The Watchemen? I dunno -- let's...
A fate worse than death
Posted on August 20, 2008Seventy-four-year-old Edward Flaherty is a Scottish man found guilty of culpable homicide after strangling his wife. To be fair, she was asking for it, as the incident allegedly occurred after the wouldn't give him money to go out boozing, and...
No more monkeys jumping on the bed
Posted on August 20, 2008A 32-year-old Australian man has been ordered by the court to stay 100 meters away from his girlfriend's apartment. But this isn't because he was beating her or harassing her or some such. Nope. It seems that Adam Hinton was...
One Little STD and Your Wife Sues for $25 million?!
Posted on August 19, 2008Outrageous! A few hookers, and maybe a mistress on the side, and a woman wants to sue her husband for one lousy STD? OK, maybe two STDS. That ain't right. People make mistakes! Hundreds of times. Over the course...
Mining Town Women Don't Want Their Advantage Nullified
Posted on August 19, 2008A bunch of ladies in an Australian mining town, where men outnumber the women 5-1, took umbrage when the mayor advertised that "beauty disadvantaged" women might do well in the town. Mayor John Molony found himself under attack Monday over...
The Daily Memo - 8/19/08
Posted on August 19, 2008NYC lawyer to Columbia: "I'm an antifeminist, so I think it's bigotry against men to offer women's studies courses." (WSJ Law Blog) Seth to the that previous NYC lawyer: "You're a fucking retard." (QuizLaw) Lawyer to the cops: "I so...
Who doesn't like a good traffic jam?
Posted on August 19, 2008Carol Greenberg is awesome. This Michigan woman recently sent a $16 bill to the state Department of Transportation after getting stuck in a traffic jam due to work being done on the highway. She guestimated that the jam cost her...
Dude. Seriously.
Posted on August 19, 2008White Guy: Dude, your hair is ridiculous. Black Guy: Seriously, man, your hair is ridiculous. WG: Dude. BG: Seriously. WG: Dude! BG: Seriously! WG: ...We both look like asshats. BG: Seriously. (This drama brought to you by The Smoking Gun.)...
The Most Important Injunction Ever Issued, Ever Ever
Posted on August 19, 2008Last week, an Australian Magistrate Court issued an interim domestic violence order, ordering Tony Goodchild's ex-girlfriend to stay away from him and to not threaten him. The cause for the court granting Mr. Goodchild such relief? Because his ex threatened...
Today in Completely Pointless Laws
Posted on August 18, 2008Both the Alabama and Nevada legislators have apparently nuked the fridge: In Alabama it is illegal to recommend shades of paint without a license. In Nevada it is illegal to move any large piece of furniture for purposes of design...
Common Sense Takes a Left Turn in Crazyville
Posted on August 18, 2008Oh, man: This is 17 kinds of bad idea: A Texas school district will let teachers bring guns to class this fall, the district's superintendent said on Friday, in what experts said appeared to be a first in the United...
Damnit! Future Plan #259 Foiled
Posted on August 18, 2008The good thing about writin' for QuizLaw is all the learnin I get from other folks who get caught for doin' things I was a'plannin' to do myself. Now I know they ain't legal. I gets me a fine legal...
The Daily Memo - 8/18/08
Posted on August 18, 2008ACLU to Judge: "Uhm, yeah, we don't dig it when judges pray in open court during hearings, ordering those in the courtroom to join hands and pray along with him." (Above the Law) John McCain to everyone: "I will be...
Why so terrorist?
Posted on August 18, 2008Yes, it was only a matter of time before some type of copycat crime arose in the wake of the summer behemoth that was The Dark Knight. And now some teenagers from Virginia have taken up that mantle. But they...
"Sorry fish, there ain't gonna be nothing casual about this!"
Posted on August 18, 2008(This prison rape joke brought to you by The Smoking Gun.)...
In other "shocking" news, the sun rises in the East and sets in the West!
Posted on August 18, 2008Fred Baron is either dumb as dirt, or a big fat liar. And since he's a lawyer, either one is a completely viable option. Baron paid for John Edwards' mistress to move to California, and he also paid her rent...
Something's gonna trouble the water....
Posted on August 18, 2008This just takes the cake. From Time.com: To this day, Jerry Kennedy only does laundry when it rains. For the first 54 years of his life, he lived without running water, and rainstorms were the only way he could collect...
Why Don't Republicans Just Use Wang Dang Sweet Poontang?
Posted on August 15, 2008For what I think what is the third time, at least, in recent memory, another baby boomer musical artist is suing a Republican candidate for unauthorized use of their song in a campaign context. I recall that both John Mellencamp...
Everybody Rap Now (Never Speak of it Department)
Posted on August 15, 2008A few months ago, for reasons that make absolutely no sense to me, Seth posted what would become this blog's most popular post of all time, a clip featuring a local news team dancing around the studio like a...
Dude's Got a Point -- It's All About Penis Size
Posted on August 15, 2008You just knew there was something underneath the over-enthusiastic fervor with which John McCain has attacked Barack Obama for suggesting that keeping your tires inflated will help conserve gas. This guy sees between the Rovian lines, and I think he's...
The Daily Memo - 8/15/08
Posted on August 15, 2008Justice don't come cheap. (Above the Law) And Justice doesn't always come fast, either. (Concurring Opinions) Oofta -- the FAA wants $7 million in fines from American Airlines for drug-testing violations and flying planes despite knowing about safety problems...
Fantastic Analogy....
Posted on August 15, 2008XKCD is the best comic on the interwebs and yesterday's strip is just one of many fantastic examples:...
Tip o' the hat to the Colbert Bump
Posted on August 15, 2008Earlier this week, Dustin posted a clip from "The Colbert Report" where Colbert talked about wanting to give Obama the Colbert bump by speaking at the DNC Convention. Man alive would I love to see that happen. Well now there...
E-X-T-O-R-T-I-O-N ... EAGLES!
Posted on August 15, 2008Herbert Simpson made Eagles fans proud by trying to extort (mother fucking Super Bowl Champion) New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin. The Smoking Gun has an affidavit from the G-Man who investigated the incident. Seems that Simpson sent two phony...
Which is Worse? Penis to the Face? Or Face to Shart Contact?
Posted on August 14, 2008Can we all just concede that, when you're in high school, you're a dumbass? And maybe leave it at that? I mean, look at this: A 17-year-old kid was arrested yesterday for an incident last December, in which the victim...
Goooooaaaaaallllll!
Posted on August 14, 2008http://view.break.com/553986 - Watch more free videos Sorry. Off-topic. Couldn't resist....
Opening Lines, Part Deux
Posted on August 14, 2008Earlier today, Seth gave us what may be the greatest opening sentence to a news article, ever, which nicely dovetails with a couple of other great opening lines I discovered today. First up, Garrison Spik penned this beautiful sentence, which...
The Daily Memo - 8/14/08
Posted on August 14, 2008The Second Circuit to John Steinbeck descendants: "The turtle ever-so-slowly crossed the road, dust blowing across its shell. Oh, and fuck off." (Law.com) If you live in the L.A. area and don't hate the gays, there's a fundraiser being held...
Blow me
Posted on August 14, 2008Make of this what you will: A customer asked a barista at an espresso stand to blow into her breathalyzer on Wednesday, and became upset when she was told no. A Kitsap County sheriff's deputy was called to the Natte...
The best opening sentences to a news article ever
Posted on August 14, 2008Seriously. It's getting tougher for the dishonest, the mentally unstable and the overweight to get hired as Cook County jail guards these days. As a result, fewer guards are getting hired. So yeah, in the Chicago area, it seems that...
Don't mess with Texas schools
Posted on August 14, 2008A recent school board meeting in Gonzales, Texas got so heated that the cops had be called in. What's the hubbub about? Seems that the local school district issued a new dress code recently, banning cargo pants and requiring collared...
Free Show! Free Show!
Posted on August 13, 2008I'm actually surprised we don't see this more often -- I mean, strip clubs, after all, are basically designed to get you to the brink. It was only inevitable that someone was going to climb over the precipice in the...
Today I Loathe Humanity
Posted on August 13, 2008Sometimes the crazy is funny. And sometimes the crazy makes you want to pull out someone's eyeballs and shove them up their ass so they can see your foot going in. A toddler whose remains were found inside a suitcase...
If You're Going to Commit Animal Cruelty, You May As Well Do It in Style
Posted on August 13, 2008Howsa 'bout a round of applause for Pauline Harpin and her son, Paul, who are responsible for the worst case of animal cruelty in the history of Vermont. Where's Guinness? Five cats, two ferrets, a lizard, a gecko, a rabbit,...
The Daily Memo - 8/13/08
Posted on August 13, 2008The most worthless law school class? Almost all of them. The most tedious class? Motherfucking antitrust, sir. (Above the Law) The author of Left Behind is here to let us know that Obama can't be the antichrist because he's an...
Of the two things that are inevitable, doesn't death seem like the rosier one sometimes?
Posted on August 13, 2008The other inevitability is, of course, taxes. And according to this account, iTunes taxes for everyone are just around the corner. Seventeen states already tax digital downloads, and many others are considering similar legislation, with MA, WY and WA all...
A Surefire Way to Get Actual Viewers to Tune in to the DNC Convention
Posted on August 13, 2008Get Stephen Colbert to speak. Give Obama the Colbert bump. After all, he has plenty of experience with political speeches....
My god, I was this close to getting thrown out of school!
Posted on August 13, 2008Over the weekend, I stumbled upon an article talking about my undergrad alma mater, Temple ("I could've gone anywhere, but I chose Temple" actually means "I could've gone anywhere, but I could afford Temple"). Seems that the Owls have been...
Obama Sure is Dreamy
Posted on August 12, 2008All right, so here's yet another commercial where John McCain tries to paint Obama as a celebrity, though he was smart enough this time to exclude Paris Hilton. Instead, he seems to be comparing Obama to Justin Timberlake, while...
Man Rides a Horse. Then He Rides a Horse.
Posted on August 12, 2008Those frisky fucking Brits. Last month, a British man was caught with his britches down after making sweet sweet love to a baaaaaaaad sheep. This month: A 60 year old Brit sowed his oats with a horsie. Neeeeeyyyy. A shocked...
Hey! Whats Worse than Rain on Your Wedding Day-ay?
Posted on August 12, 2008Ooooh. Oooooh. I know! I know! Pick me! Pick me! How about getting arrested for criminal contempt and being jailed without bail? For violating a restraining order. Put out by your bride! A New York state man has been arrested...
The Daily Memo - 8/12/08
Posted on August 12, 2008Mmmmm ... beef. (Above the Law) Judge to juror -- "STFU with your nullificaiton nonsense." (WSJ Law Blog) Does a McCain speech writer love him/herself some Wikipedia? (CQ Politics) Could this gal be a future Supreme? (WSJ Law Blog)...
Well I'm already going to jail, so I might as well tell the Jersey cops how I really feel
Posted on August 12, 2008(From The Smoking Gun, of course.)...
I'm surprised this is the first such story I've ever read
Posted on August 12, 2008Down in Florida, Craig Matthew Feigin has gotten into some trouble over his computer repair job. Seems that he was rigging fixed laptops so that their webcams would snap illicit pics and send them to a remote server. In one...
Oh yeah? Well let's take it to the YouTube, bitches!
Posted on August 12, 2008A staffer for Obama is using the interwebs to debunk one of McCain's ads calling Obama out for being nothing more than a celebrity.... Of course, the trouble is that the folks who are probably most susceptible to and influenced...
McCain in Eight Years
Posted on August 11, 2008Worried about voting for McCain? Do you fear that, because of his ripe age, he may drop dead before finishing out two terms as President? Well, fear no more. According to this time-lapse photography, McCain will survive all eight...
Sour Grapes Takes New, Speculative Turn
Posted on August 11, 2008You gotta love that, despite finally conceding the nomination to Barack Obama and, allegedly, supporting him in his bid to become the Prez, Hillary Clinton -- or at least her former Communications Director -- is now suggesting that, had the...
Meh
Posted on August 11, 2008The official Obama response/attack ad to McCain's "Obama is a celebrity" ad is kind of disappointing, mostly because 1) attack ads don't suit Obama, and 2) by making the claim that McCain is the real celebrity, even jokingly, Obama...
The Daily Memo - 8/11/08
Posted on August 11, 2008Breath easy, DC -- the kickball lawsuit has been dismissed! (Deadspin) In shocking news, attorneys who get bonuses bordering around $200,000 are satisfied with their compensation. (Above the Law) The California Supremes have given the judicial middle finger to non-compete...
Maybe he shouldn't stay up so late watching his stories
Posted on August 11, 2008Aw, poor whittle Johnny McCain needs some more sweep.... In the meantime, McCain said he would concentrate on getting more sleep when he can. "If I put in three or four 18-hour, 20-hour days in a row, I'm not sharp....
Leave my football alone!
Posted on August 11, 2008A member of the New Jersey State Supreme Court may soon find himself sued by Conor Larkin, a former stud football player for a local Jersey high school. Seems that Larkin gave the judge's son a rough time at football...
We Should All Judge the Candidates w/How the Handle Wingnuts
Posted on August 08, 2008Photographer insists on Pledge of Allegiance before Obama rally Of course, while Obama successfully uses crazy to his advantage, McCain can't even answer a simple question without stumbling all over his awkwardness: I'm actually embarrassed on behalf of McCain supporters...
Red Sox vs. Yankees -- Lawsuit Style
Posted on August 08, 2008A few years ago, because I really wanted to experience Yankee Stadium, despite my feverish hatred for the Yankees, I attended a game with a Yankees fan. I knew better than to open my goddamn mouth and announce my...
Dating -- Forced Subjugation Style
Posted on August 08, 2008Well, I guess we know how they find dates in in Russia. They do it wrong. And the men are condoned for it. An unnamed executive, a 22-year-old from St Petersburg, had been hoping to become only the third...
Shhhhh, let the kids get their beauty rest
Posted on August 08, 2008If I tell you that two men stole pillows and backpacks from a department store, and then I show you this picture, I think you know where this story is going right? Yeah. [P]olice followed a trail of cardboard and...
Take my wife, please
Posted on August 08, 2008In India, a man has gotten himself in some trouble after trying to get divorced. Sanjib Saha went to court with his wife, and both said they wanted a divorce. Based on their mutual desire, the court happily granted the...
Maybe He Was Trying to Remove Nails from His Arse?
Posted on August 07, 2008Today is kinky-freaky messed-up sexual acts Thursday, y'all. First we give you a post about a woman and her boyfriend who had videotaped sex with three dogs (because, really, that's something you want to share with the world), and now...
Talk about Childhood Trauma
Posted on August 07, 2008True story: I, like 42 percent of all American children (according to a hobo I just asked -- Los Angeles hobos are so full of knowledge!), have inadvertently walked in on their parents having sex. For me: Let's just say...
Sandwich Artist?! Pfffffff.
Posted on August 07, 2008There are few things more important to a man than a well made sandwich. Too much mustard, a shred of misplaced lettuce, or a stray and unwanted jalapeno can completely ruin an otherwise delicious footlong. Most people, unfortunately, don't...
The Daily Memo - 8/7/08
Posted on August 07, 2008Ah, the cold offer. The firm's refuge for not hiring someone without, they hope, tarnishing their reputation on law school campuses. (Above the Law) Yeah, Russia's got all the kinks in the system worked out. ...Jesus. (Supreme Dicta) With a...
Get bent, tax man!
Posted on August 07, 2008Randy Nowak is the owner of a construction company in Florida. He was being audited by the IRS and was understandably freaked out by the possibility of owing $300,000 in back taxes. So he hired a hitman to take out...
When she says she isn't in the mood, believe her
Posted on August 07, 2008Australian Jean Meiers, 58, is on trial for manslaughter. She is accused of "failing her duty of care" in the case of her lover, Geoffrey Braunack, 47. In a case of what the defense calls "bondage gone wrong", Meiers...
Man, I so don't want to know what he was going to do with them
Posted on August 07, 2008Last month, a British man was arrested for busting onto a local farm, causing £70,000 of damage. The reason for this break in was, apparently, to steal 129 rabbits. The man was arrested after a joint operation between the police...
People suffering in the bad economy do the strangest things
Posted on August 07, 2008...especially when they live in Miami, Florida. That's where 42-year-old Elio Valero was busted for stealing a street lamp. One of the big 40 foot suckers. The cops saw a minivan driving down the street with a huge light pole...
The One Where Seth Blows the Doors off the Courthouse
Posted on August 06, 2008And so: Seth and I triumphantly return from the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals seemingly assured victory; actually, Seth is doing most of the triumphantness - he's got a real job, so I'm his proxy, which means I can...
Sometimes, it's Mischief Night every night
Posted on August 06, 2008In Lansdale, Pennsylvania, a couple "is accused of damaging the property of more than 400 people during an 18-month egging spree." Seems Philip Fleck and his girlfriend Heather Darcy were retaliating against friends for various things they claim had been...
Paris Hilton for President?
Posted on August 06, 2008See Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Ad and more funny videos on FunnyOrDie.com...
The Daily Memo - 8/6/08
Posted on August 06, 2008A Red Sawx fan is suing the Yanks and a couple of Yanks fans. (SI) What legal fiction makes your life more miserable? For my money, it's definitely trying to live up to the standard of Jack McCoy. (Above the...
The One Where Seth Transcends the Blog
Posted on August 06, 2008Truth: There are mornings when I wake up, sit down at my computer with a cup of coffee and a pistol with one in the chamber (you never know, do you?) and wonder to myself as I'm scouring the...
"Man's gay pussy defense fall flat"
Posted on August 06, 2008If that headline from Queerty didn't do it for you, maybe this little write-up of the story will: Doesn't José Maria Correi know gay men don't do pussy? Apparently not, because the 53-year old Brazilian national has been found guilty...
How Drunk is this Guy?
Posted on August 05, 2008Here's a minute and twenty-three seconds you won't see on "America's Funniest Home Videos," though you really should. Dude would make an excellent addition to "Extreme Home Makeover" -- he can demolish walls with his face! Seriously: Watch this...
Party While You're Alive, Sleep When Your Dea ... Oops
Posted on August 05, 2008Down in Florida, fathers teach their kids more than just how to throw a ball, how to catch a fish, or how to build a crummy corner shelf for the garage. They like to teach their youngin's how to...
Big Ladies Denied Club Entrance
Posted on August 05, 2008A Jersey nightclub (duh?) got into some hot water over the weekend when they started denying entrance to overweight women. Police were called to calm the situation outside the Halkett Street club as bouncers and manager Martin Sayers allegedly told...
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