Family Law

Empowering Parents :: Part Two

By Ben Stevens

This is part two of the exclusive online presentation of "Empowering Parents" by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, LMFT:

Yeah, where does all the time go when you think about raising your child/ children. I bet for some of you it seems like it was just yesterday that they were toddlers and now they are teenagers growing up so fast. Where did the time go?

Time is a concept that your children (in their teenage years and beyond) totally perceive differently than you and your spouse. Remember when you could say that bedtime was at 8pm or homework has to be completed before dinner? Those days are long gone. For the teenager, time is on and in THEIR hands or so they perceive.

Starting somewhere around age 14 (if not before), your teenager begins this 'rite of passage' into independence. You, as the parent, are the perceived enemy/adversary to their freedom and time. As a therapist, I hear it all the time. A common phrase I hear is something like this 'But, Dr. Trey, Bobby's parents don't make him come in at 8pm. He gets to stay out until 10pm. My parents are so mean and strict!'

Though your children honestly think they have a grip on the full understanding of time, in reality we know differently - they DO NOT. They only perceive one thing in their world for the most part and that is him/herself. They are the center of their world and most anything that interferes with that is perceived as an adversary, including the well intentioned parent.

What I am saying is that your responsibility as a Parent is to help your children understand the importance of time management and time utilization. School and socializing is their job until age 18 and they must learn to figure out how to use time in the best way possible. So, though you may have pressure on you from hearing about 'Bobby's parents being so lax,' don't give in.

Keep your child structured. Keep the rules in play. Keep the learning active. Stay the course with curfews and time management. Though there are opportunities for flexibility as the positive outcomes of good time management are rewarded, do not abandon your children to their own recognizance. They simply cannot handle it on their own as well as you think they can.

Empower yourselves and empower your children by keeping quality management rules and structure in place only until your child at age 18 proves him/herself worthy of handling independence. As your children learn to manage little things, maybe they will be able to handle greater things as they grow!

Grace and Peace,
Dr. Trey Kuhne

Dr. Trey Kuhne is a pastoral counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist with Pathways Pastoral Counseling located at St. Christopher's Episcopal Church, 400 Dupre Drive, Spartanburg, SC 29307. He specializes in working with individuals, couples and families. Call (864) 542-3019 for an appointment. He may be reach via email at: pathwayspc@aol.com.

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on July 15, 2009 (boomark / email).