Family Law

How to Tell if Divorce is Adversely Affecting Children

By Ben Stevens

Most of us take it for granted now days that a divorce will affect the kids, and for good reason, because it most certainly will.  While this fact may never outweigh the reasons for the separation, it certainly doesn't mean that you can afford to ignore their needs.  In many ways tending to these needs may be straight forward, like balancing travel and making sure everyone gets to their activities on time.  But in other emotional avenues there may not be a clear road map.

Remember they're your children.

No one knows your children better than you do, and as time passes and changes being to happen, you will almost certainly begin to notice changes in their behavior and outlook as well.  Adjusting to the difficult changes that a divorce brings is something that everyone involved will have to do.  Just remember that you don't want to overlook their needs when you are tending to your own.

It's all in the changes.

As parents you should have a good idea about the normal patterns of emotion and physical behavior that your child has developed.  Watch for radical changes in the way they do things or in the way they interact with others, as these may be signs that you need to seek the help of a professional.  Eating and sleeping patterns are also important, and so are outlets for distraction. 

Remember that the home life that led to the separation in the first place may have been affecting a child long before the divorce and separation were ever finalized.  New patterns could also mean a stabilizing of the child's behavior after such tensions are removed.

Keep in mind that change is good; after all, the separation happened for a reason.  New patterns or emotional behaviors that develop in response to those changes are not necessarily bad either.  Humans have innumerable ways to cope with stress, and as a general rule none of them are wrong as long as they offer a positive outcome in the long run.  You may find your child suddenly taking interests in certain areas that previously were of no interest.  As long as these outlets are positive they should be encouraged.

Your responsibility as a good parent.

As the guardian it is your responsibility to ensure that your child has creative and meaningful outlets for their stress and anxiety.  These distractions can take the form of activities, but it is important to note that they must be ones that the child is interested in, and not viewed as chores assigned by the adult.   If a child finds himself engaged heavily in an activity that they don't particularly like or enjoy, simply because the parent recommended or pushed the child to try it, then the activity or outlet will only serve to add stress to the child's life.  This is the worst possible outlet for a child, and it will only increase the difficulty in adapting to a new situation.

The importance of making sure a child is happy is of the utmost importance, and searching for outlets for that happiness is a responsibility that should be taken up by good parents.  Listen to what your children tell you and keep lines of communication open.  In the long run communication is the most important part of a healthy relationship with your kids to ensure their overall well-being and happiness.

This post was contributed by Katie Wilson, who writes about a criminal justice masters online. She welcomes your feedback at katiewilson06@gmail.com.

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on April 24, 2009 (boomark / email).