Law Humor

An officer who was suspended from the Beaumont, Texas, police department for having sex with prostitutes while on duty testified that he did so only because it was part of his job, and that he certainly did not enjoy it.

Keith Breiner was on the stand to testify about allegations that he and another officer had sex with women at two different "spas," an activity that the officers claimed was part of a "sting operation."  Both officers were suspended when the "operation" came to light, which happened partly because they were apparently bragging about it at work.  Two of their supervisors were also suspended for, as the report put it, "failing to notify department heads of the lengths [to which] the officers would go to pursue a felony conviction."

While the other officer has evidently accepted his punishment, Breiner is actually fighting to be reinstated.  He says he is being treated unfairly, because he was only following orders and trying to serve the public.  "I have very high morals," said Breiner, who, by the way, is married, "but they are being attacked because of something I did for the city."

The picture of a dedicated officer making sacrifices for the community was smudged a bit on cross-examination.  Assistant City Attorney Joseph Sanders asked whether Breiner had bragged to co-workers about how good the sex was.  "We were BS-ing in the office," Breiner replied, which is not a denial.  The words, "I am true to my wife, period," also emerged from his mouth, although if you are just tuning in, he had earlier admitted that he wasn't.  (Maybe he means he is true to her now, since the sting operation is over?  I guess it depends what the meaning of "am" is, or was, or will be.)

Breiner gamely stuck to the story that he had only been following orders, even when he was asked whether he had enjoyed the sex.  He then delivered this possibly award-winning quote:  "If you are asking if I had an orgasm, yes.  It was a job, sir.  I didn't have pleasure doing this.  I was paid to do it."  Despite having suffered through an unspecified number of somehow non-pleasurable orgasms on behalf of the city, Breiner remains on suspension.

Link: Beaumont Enterprise