Miscellaneous

If I were only smarter

Than that one-term Jimmy Carter,

Full of knowledge so arcane.

My thoughts would be so many,

I?d stand up to Mr. Cheney

If I only had a brain.

I could figure out your taxes

And tell you what the facts is.¹

Maybe come in out o? the rain.

Imagine me, an intellectual!

I might even be effectual,

If I only had a brain.

Oh, I could tell you why

The deficit?s so high.

I might think twice before I go to war.

I?d win debates with Albert Gore.

If I were only smarty,

I?d be good for my own party,

Maybe help out John McCain.

With our allies I?d mend fences

I would speak coherent sentences

If I only had a brain.

__________

¹ Apologies to Steve Miller.