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One of those days

By Scott

About once a month I get up, feeling no different to any other day, and start my day, and then slowly realise it is one of those days .  

What are those days?

Well, for me they are days when I just feel in a ‘fuck it all’ mood.  I feel totally unmotivated; my attention span is next to zero; I feel like doing lots of things and nothing at the same time; I want to drink myself to oblivion, and also not drink at all. My mind is just a cacophony of contradictory thoughts and urges.  Sometimes this feeling/phase only lasts part of the day, sometimes it?s the whole day. Often no one, even those close to me, are aware I’m even having ‘one of those days’ ? especially if it is a work day ? but they exist.

There is no obvious trigger to 99% of my ‘days’. They just happen.

I have to confess, I have never really given much thought to analysing what these feelings are or why: it is just me. Also, it is still very infrequent , in that it really is a once, sometime twice, a month thing. So, why bother?

But, as I look to try and improve my own daughter’s mental wellness and help her work and address her anxiety, feelings of low self-esteem, loss and unworthiness,  it has made me become more aware of these interludes and my own attitude to them and my own dealing mechanisms ? do I even have any?

I’ve had to think hard about that question. I don’t think I have one approach. Sometimes (mostly) I withdraw, I need to be alone, I need space, I need to mentally cleanse in some odd way, usually I need to listen to music; Sometimes I have to consciously force myself into an activity; and sometimes, I just fake being me and get drunk.

All seem to work, in their own way. All press the reset button.

In fact, thinking about it, if I get days/afternoon’s where I can be alone – no noise from the daily routine, a break from my life as such (and even here music is often part of this aloneness) then the frequency of my ‘days’ reduces. This is why we all need to make time for OURSELVES.

I drafted most of this month’s ago, but I am posting it today as today is one of those days. If you’re also having one, I send you a virtual hug.

The post One of those days appeared first on Information Overlord.

Full post as published by Information Overload on June 26, 2019 (boomark / email).