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Happy Half-Priced Chocolate Day Eve

By "Daisy Duke"

Tomorrow ladies & gentlemen, is Half-Priced Chocolate Day. It is the day of the year that you skeddadle on over to Godiva or Ghiradelli, or hell, even Walgreens and select yourself your favorite truffle or chocolate gnache box, throw away the obnoxious red & pink & heart covered packaging, and enjoy your goodies. Half priced. Wonderful holiday.

I have issues with Valentines Day as it has become a Hallmark Holiday of epic proportions. Case in point: I go past Tiffany & Co. on my way into school and today there were no less than 20 anxious looking men, waiting, in the cold, for the store to open. Suuuckers. Valentines Day is great for kids, with cupcakes & a gummy pasted up shoebox filled with cards from classmates. It is a sweet day to turn to your sweetie, or your parents, or your best friend and remind them they are important. The End. Not for ridiculous set-plate over priced couples dinners with a "free rose with your reservation" or a dozen over-priced red roses or some piece of jewelry that is demanded becuase you need affirmation of how much you are loved.

But, in an effort to be ahem, uplifting over here, I present Valentines Day, Papa Duke style.

Flowers: Forget them. Well, don't actually forget them, but ensure daughter Daisy has a credit card that you pay for with which to order flowers for this said holiday. As a result, but incredibly gorgeous but expensive flowers becuase Daisy feels this is what you get when you leave this responsibility to someone else.

Candy: While shopping at Target for some random necessities, pick up 5 pound bag of peanut M & M's. Turn to wife, Mama Duke, and say "Honey, I know it isn't in a heart shaped box, and I know it is February 13th, but it is candy!! Happy Valentines Day!!".....to which Mama Duke replies "Um. That is your favorite candy. And your candy bowl is empty." Ahhh, savor the love. Savor the love.

Dinner: Mama & Papa Duke live near a gorgeous ski resort that does a very special dinner at the top of the mountain on Valentines Day. This event is for a limited number of people, there is dancing and gourmet food, and you get to enjoy the evening look out over the mountains & valley, unrushed and in looooove.

2003: Papa Duke says the event sounds glorious, tells Mama Duke about it. Doesn't buy tickets.

2004: Again, Papa Duke gushes about how neat said event would be. Doesn't buy tickets.

2005: Papa Duke gushes about how great and romantic said event would be. Goes to buy tickets after final sale date.

2006: Papa Duke again discussed how fabulous said event would be. Goes to buy tickets, tickets are already sold out.

2007: Papa Duke gushes some more about said event. Papa Duke BUYS TICKETS!! Close family friends come in town on a whim, Papa Duke must sell tickets and Mama Duke makes dinner for four at home.

Valentines Day 2008: Papa Duke raphsodizes said event, Mama Duke thinks it will finally happen. Papa Duke tells Mama Duke he has an errand to run at said ski resort approximately one week before Valentines Day. Mama Duke gets excited, beings looking for dresses online. Papa Duke gets home and gives her a big hug and tells her he ran a neat errand at the ski resort. Mama Duke asks if he got tickets for Valentines Day. Papa Duke's face falls, he hurridly admits to running over there to pick up his brand new custom made skis that he ordered without telling her. Never mind the new skis he got last year. In an effort to placate her, he hurridy makes reservations at her favorite steak house. Family friends call on February 13th, are randomly coming into town. Reservation at steak house cancelled. Mama Duke defrosts chicken. The end.

Valentines Day: 9 million. Papa Duke: negative 5.

Full post as published by Legally Blonde Ambition on February 14, 2008 (boomark / email).