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Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Peter Pipes In...

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As many of you know, my brother Bernie is indisposed this morning, and since I was in charge of everything whenever Bernie might have been traveling, its up to me (that's my mug in the middle) to make sure that everything is in compliance.

Sure, everyone is saying "Well..Peter was the President....", but that doesn't mean much. Presidents don't have as much power as you might think. Trust me. We found that out from Chuck Schumer.

Sure, I had a key to 17--but I only went down there to use the washroom. Mark (he's to my right) and I ran the trading desk on 19. Don't ask what Andy was doing..Our job was to hobnob with other securities dealers, and to facilitate executing orders for other broker/dealers. Its that simple. There was a big Chinese Wall between BMIS on 17 and the trading floor on 19. Sure, the wall was decorated with great pieces of art, just ask Ezra; he was the firm's art adviser!

Did we make money? Sure we did! And, that's exactly the reason that Bernie decided to send over the $250 million to pay bonuses for everyone. Did I ask where the money came from? Nah. Bernie's my big bro; why would I question him??

And what's wrong with bonuses?? The people at AIG were just paid plenty of bonuses!! Its not like they didn't earn that money! Just like the people over at Merrill. What? They should send the money back?? To where???

Speaking of money; the f--king media still isn't understanding the story. Everyone keeps saying "Bernie took $50 billion", or "Bernie took $65 billion.." Ludicrous.

All I know is that for years, people would come up to me all of the time at PBCC and say "Thanks so much!! If it weren't for your firm, we wouldn't have the lifestyle that we do! The homes, the cars, the clubs, the vacations, the college tuitions--all paid for from the profits that we received!!"

You don't have to watch Sesame Street to understand that investors' money didn't "disappear"--most of it was paid out to the very same investors. But if you do need to watch Sesame Street, Mark's kid sent this clip over.

Next:

Many of us in the family are actually a bit strapped--its not like we budgeted for 7 figure legal bills. And since our lawyers have figured out that there are thousands of people coming to this blog every day, many of which are lawyers and accountants and people with plenty of money, we'd appreciate your living a tip.

There's a cute gal in my little black book (see "E.B.") that works over at Wilentz--She left a $10 tip! And she included a note that said "If you can leave a tip for the kid that parks your car, or even for that kid at Starbucks, then anybody should do the same when they come to your blog!" Just scroll to the right and click "Donate"

Bernie is going to update later today...Trust me.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 16, 2009 (boomark / email).

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