Home -> Law Blog Directory -> Law Humor Blogs -> Bernard Madoff

OR PHONE (866) 635-1838 for Bankruptcy Help, (866) 635-6190 for Divorce,
(866) 635-2689 for Personal Injury or (866) 635-9402 for Criminal Defense

Find a Local Lawyer

Bankruptcy (866) 635-1838
Divorce (866) 635-6190
Personal Injury (866) 635-2689
Criminal Defense (866) 635-9402

Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Morton's Madoff Auction. All For a Great Cause!

ADVERTISEMENTS

To Mom:
From: Andy

RE: Morton's Gift Certificate

Cathy reminded me that I forgot to thank you for the birthday present. Who wouldn't want a $250 Gift Certificate to Morton's??

I didn't mention anything before only because I figured that your phones were tapped by those idiots, and I was actually worried about someone finding out, and then Picard trying to claw it back. The lobster claws at Morton's area actually pretty good, so there's no need to have clawyers getting their hands on my claws!!

Anyway, Cathy says we shouldn't keep it.

Well, actually, that's not what she said, and I'd just as soon pig out at Morton's and drop a load on the clawyers that want the remains, but Starkman said we should be "out there doing the right thing", so I'm auctioning it off for a charitable cause.

The rules are real simple, and we're running this according to "Nantucket-Style Auction Rules." That means that you submit a payment that represents your bid. I picked that up from your smarter older son.

Its sort of like a lottery, but its completely legal. We checked with Tannenbaum and they gave us the opinion letter. All of the proceeds are going to a special cause. No, not to paying for the ding repairs on Nan's Bentley. F--k her!

The card's value is $250. Whoever "bids" the highest within the next 48 hours gets it. I'm thinking that for all of those people that dropped out of Glen Oaks and Fresh Meadows, this is a nice, low cost alternative to one of those Sunday Night Buffets, where everybody pigs out like there's no tomorrow.

The drawing is being audited by a special committee that includes Vic Teichner, Irv Picard, and Jane Wells from CNBC.

That's right, Mom.. I called Jane Wells. What of it??

If you must know, Janey will determine what the best cause is. She says there are lots of starving people in California. If you ask me, there's lots of people at NBC starving for smarts, but that's besides the point. Janey makes the decision on who gets the money and Dad would have wanted it this way, right?

Anyway, all anyone has to do is click the button below, submit the amount of the 'donation', and the highest amount submitted gets the $250 Gift Card.

*Not valid where prohibited by law. Minimum total collection of $250 required. No refunds provided. If $250 is not collected, bidders will receive alternate award to be determined by the audit committee. This auction ends at midnight June 7, 2009. Any submissions made after that time will not be eligible for any prizes, but we'll keep your money. This has not been endorsed by General Electric or its affiliates, which means that GE and NBC employees can participate in this. Donny Douche--you've got plenty of cash, so step up and lets count it!

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on June 05, 2009 (boomark / email).