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#JPMC's Dimon Gets Dumped On--No More Free Toasters for Picard

From J.Dimon
To: I.Picard

Now that your egregious accusations in that frivolous lawsuit are now public, we're going to defend ourselves based on the fact that your "claims" are based on libelous and unsubstantiated statements that you found over the past two years on Bernie's blog, and in equally nefarious accusations made in that scandalous book written by that snarly "investigative journalist" Erin Arvedlund.

As far as your pointing to all of those internal emails from employees of my company; those were either fabricated, or they were written by people that no longer work here. If they still do work here, they won't tomorrow, because they were acting without authorization and in violation of long-standing internal compliance policies.

1. Not only are we prepared to counter claim and sue you for $5billion (for defaming our esteemed reputation), but we're going after all of your sources.

2. You'll understand that we're sending people over to your offices to recover those free toaster ovens and microwaves that we provided after B&H opened those special corporate accounts last year. We'll also expect you to return the other toaster ovens sent to your residence.

2. Attn: Diana Enriques/NY Times:

Please expect a subpoena within the next 24 hours demanding that you provide the sources for your articles. If we find out that you've also been relying on the Bernie blog for the bulk of your reporting, the NYT Board of Directors is going to be non-too-pleased when JPMC pulls every dollar of advertising.

3. To: A. Moskowitz/ ASM Capital

The street is a small place; if I see or hear one scintilla of evidence that suggests you people are now making a market in how much JPMC might settle Picard's claim against us for, trust me when I tell you that we'll have you shut down before the market closes. I'm the f**king Dean of Davos, so its not like we don't have friends in the regulatory space.

By the way, if you think the SEC won't come after you because they're so mis-managed or under-resourced and can't even balance their own check book, my pal Lloyd B. has his own person inside that place now, and if we have to bankroll that idiotic agency via a SPV, you can bet we will. You might want to even hedge your bet by betting that we already have! Ha!



J.Dimon

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 03, 2011 (boomark / email).