Law Humor

Dog-Scrotum Observation Preferable to Jury Service, Declares Citizen

By Kevin Underhill

Continuing with the theme of ways to get out of jury service, here's one that was tried in January by Erik Slye, a busy citizen of Gallatin County, Montana.  You may want to take this down and copy it onto your next affidavit requesting to be excused from jury duty:

I, [your name here], being first duly sworn upon oath, depose and say that jury service would entail undue hardship on me and that I request to be excused from jury service for the following reasons:  Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time.  I CANNOT take time off from work.  I'm not putting my family's wellbeing at stake to participate in this crap.  I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddam thing to do with it.  Jury service is a complete waste of time.  I would rather count the wrinkles on my dog's balls than sit on a jury.  Get it through your thick skulls.  Leave me the **** alone.

(Emphasis added.)  Now, sign that and have it notarized, send it in, and you're done.

Oh, you should reserve some time for a possible jail sentence, since refusing to comply with a jury summons is a crime.  (Although, on the bright side, I suppose that might provide a chance for some more wrinkle-counting, if that's the kind of thing you enjoy.)  Slye was re-summoned to court and threatened with jail, but - remarkably - after apologizing to the judge he was not only released, but was actually excused from serving.

So, please make a note -- this strategy has been successful, but involves substantial risk.

Link: The Smoking Gun
Link: Popehat

Full post as published by Lowering the Bar on May 01, 2009 (boomark / email).