Federal Judiciary

Yankees hold kangaroo court

For two months, Xavier Nady dutifully collected scraps of paper in a shoebox tucked near the back of his locker -- clubhouse infractions reported by his teammates, waiting for the day when the Yankees would call those offenses to trial.

The tone of the hour-plus session -- which also involved clubhouse workers, video coordinators and other support staff -- was light-hearted. For example, Phil Coke's wallet was $30 lighter as a result of the home run he served up to the Twins' Joe Mauer on Friday in New York.

Coke pointed to the drive off the bat, thinking it was a fly ball that could be easily tracked by center fielder Brett Gardner, but the ball carried out and hit the netting over Monument Park. Coke was pointing while running to back up third base and his actions were not overlooked.

"You can get fined for pretty much anything," Coke said.

I wholeheartedly support using the judicial process to adjudicate baseball infractions. And there is no team with more sins to account for than the New York Yankees. Unfortunately, there are many infractions that have yet to be heard by their High Court. Those crimes include:

• Building a bandbox of a stadium with winds so powerful, it makes the Great American Ballpark look like Dodger Stadium.
• Engaging in monopolistic behavior this offseason spending more on free agents than several teams spend on their entire rosters, combined.
• President Reagan's pardon of George Steinbrenner, which makes the Marc Rich pardon look like pardoning Fred Rogers.
• Jeffrey FUCKING Maier.
• Tim Leary scuffing a baseball with sandpaper against the Orioles in 1992 (I remember that game like it was yesterday).
• Forcing baseball fans to read this bullshit headline.

So come on Yankees, do some justice. The rest of the baseball world deserves retribution.

Full post as published by Supreme Dicta on May 27, 2009 (boomark / email).