Family Law

A Divorce Is NOT a "Failed Marriage"

By J. Benjamin Stevens

Have you ever heard someone refer to a divorce as a 'failed marriage'? I recently read an article by Fred Silberberg that argued that term is a misnomer, and I agree with him. Someone who is divorced is no less of a person than someone who isn't, and to believe otherwise is offensive. I have represented people in Family Court for over fifteen years, and I can tell you without hesitation and with one hundred percent confidence that every marriage is different. As such, people divorce for many reasons – frequently for very good ones.

Should a spouse stay in a marriage and be subject to physical or substance abuse merely so that she isn't deemed to be a 'failure'? What about the husband who finds out his wife is having an adulterous affair? Perhaps those examples are too easy. Consider the marriage in which the parties are incompatible and argue frequently. Should their children be subjected to their daily verbal sparring? Wouldn't they be better off being raised by happy parents, even if that means their parents are divorced and live in different homes?

I do not believe that someone should be subjected to live a life of misery simply to avoid being labeled a 'failure.' Now, I am not pro-divorce by any means. In fact, I regularly and frequently refer potential clients to marriage counselors when it seems as though their marriage might be saved. While I could take a different approach and encourage those people to rush to Court, I always try to give potential clients the best possible advice, and many times that is to put their energy into trying to save their marriage rather than to end it.

Mr. Silberberg states 'While divorce is common on our society, it still has a certain stigma to it.' Through my experience as a family law attorney, as someone who has seen close friends divorce, and as someone who has been through a divorce himself, I can confirm that is true. My hope is that we as a society mature and stop referring to a divorce as a 'failed marriage.' I hope that after reading this post you will give it some thought.

Source: "Divorce Is Not A Failure" by Fred Silberberg, published at The Huffington Post.

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on January 31, 2011 (boomark / email).