Family Law

Guest Post :: Coping with Loneliness after a Divorce

By J. Benjamin Stevens

The papers have been signed, custody has been decided, the assets have been divided and all the hoopla over your divorce is over. It should be a great relief to have these difficult and emotionally draining parts of your divorce done with. So why does it feel like the worst is yet to come? 

For many recently divorced men and women, loneliness swoops in after all the busywork associated with the legal process of divorce is done. Maybe it sets in after you roll over one night in bed and out of old habit reach to put your arm around a person who is no longer there. Perhaps it sets in when you send the kids off to your ex-spouse for the holidays. Or maybe a love song on the radio conjures up old memories you'd rather forget. While loneliness is a perfectly normal reaction after a divorce, there are some things you can do to help you cope.

First of all, try not to let yourself become isolated. Instead, surround yourself with a support system. Call up one or more trusted friends or family members to talk about how you are feeling. You may even ask if you can stay at a friend's place on nights when the loneliness is particularly difficult to bear. Seek out a divorce support group in your city. If there's not one, try starting an informal one yourself to glean support from others dealing with the aftermath of divorce. 

It's also important to spend time being around people. Go to lunch with your co-workers. Attend functions you are invited to, even if you're not feeling particularly festive. If you are religious, attend services at a local place of worship. Volunteer with a non-profit organization. The key is not to allow yourself an unhealthy amount of time alone to brood over being alone.

Secondly, find a way to release your feelings of loneliness. You may want to start writing daily about the process you are going through in a journal or private blog. Prayer, meditation or positive affirmations are also useful in helping you change your mindset. Exercise, particularly yoga, is useful for calming a grieving mind. Whatever means of release you choose, make sure that you do allow yourself to grieve, as it pushes the healing process forward. Be careful not to turn to unhealthy habits, such as drinking or overeating, to cope with loneliness. If your loneliness is particularly severe, you may want to seek out an experienced and compassionate therapist or counselor to talk you through it. 

Finally, learn to celebrate the beneficial results of your divorce rather than fixating on the loneliness. Use your newfound freedom to take up a new hobby or activity you never had time for when you were married. Host a poker night or a group manicure. Go see your favorite band live. Be grateful that you are no longer in an unloving, crumbling marriage and you can now grow as an independent person. 

This guest post is contributed by Alisa Gilbert, who writes on the topics of bachelors degree.  She welcomes your comments at her email Id: alisagilbert599@gmail.com. 

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on November 02, 2010 (boomark / email).