Family Law

Tips to Help You Through Your Divorce

By J. Benjamin Stevens

In my opinion, high quality family law attorneys try to help their clients get through the divorce process and to emerge in the best possible condition.  Toward that goal, consider the following tips to help you get through your divorce:

1. Maintain a cool head. Divorce is an emotional, traumatic event and everyone handles it a little different. If you are starting to think about it but haven't yet told your spouse, consider when is the best time to do so.  If you are in the middle of a highly contested divorce, try to stay with a group of supportive family members who can help you keep your mind off of what is going in. If the unspeakable happens (your spouse denies your visitation, or confronts you at a family gathering), don't react, but instead take a minute to calm down and respond appropriately to the situation.
2. Watch the Alcohol.  Don't overdo it, especially if you have a tendency to lose control when you have been drinking. Don't put yourself in a bad situation that will only hurt your divorce/custody case. It goes without saying that you shouldn't drink and drive, and if you have the kids this weekend, keep the drinking to a minimum in front of them if you drink at all around them. Also, as mentioned above, don't use alcohol as liquid courage to tell your spouse that you want to split – it won't end well.
3. Enjoy time with family.  Whether you are spending time with your spouse or your own family, try to make the most of it. Stay active and keep your mind on the activity you are doing instead of the emotional firestorm that is going on in your head. Be active – work on the house, mow the lawn, take the kids for a hike or to a park – don't sit around stewing in your own depression.
4. Bite your tongue.  This kind of fits with the "respond, don't react" recommendation above. If your spouse tries to provoke you, walk the other way. Don't engage in pointless arguments.   If you need to leave for a couple of hours – go to the movies or run some errands. However, don't engage in reckless fighting and banter.
5. Remember the Kids. Enjoy the time you have with your children. When it is time to send them back to the other spouse, make sure their bags are packed and their clothes are clean. Make sure they are fed. Don't let the kids get brought down by your bad mood. Show them how much you love them by talking to them and spending time with them.

Source: "Divorce During the Holidays – What to Do?" by James Hart, published at his firm's Divorce Blog.

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on September 16, 2010 (boomark / email).