Family Law

Getting Your In-Laws to Accept You

By J. Benjamin Stevens

Yesterday, our church's bulletin had an insert which included an article addressing the often-asked question, "How can I get my in-laws to accept me?"  I thought that it included some great points, so I have listed some excerpts from that article to help those facing this issue.

Many times, spouses assume that they will be loved and accepted by their spouse's parents due to have married their child.  While this may sometimes be the case, it usually takes time to establish trust and respect, and as with other close relationships, gaining acceptance into a family doesn't happen instantly.

The number one factor in resolving problems of acceptance by in-laws is your spouse's support. It's an art to support your spouse without jumping into the fight or feeding his or her discontent.  If your in-laws don't seem to accept you, consider the following principles:

• Learn to support your spouse without getting roped into taking sides.
• Encourage your spouse to share his or her feelings directly with you.
• Keep a sense of humor.
• Show your spouse that he or she is No. 1 in your eyes.
• Don't take things too personally.
• Remember, building a relationship takes time.
• Forgive, forgive, forgive.
• Remember that you're loving your spouse by honoring his or her parents.

If you find yourself facing what seems like a no-win situation, consider using the "drop the rope" theory.  Simply imagine holding a rope in your hands. You can choose to either continue yanking on it-or drop it. Dropping it may sound as though you're giving up, but actually it's very empowering. It's also much more effective than tugging back and forth.

Source:  This question was taken from the Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage by Romie Hurley, one of the many authors of the book. Romie is a nationally certified licensed professional counselor for Focus on the Family. 

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on September 27, 2010 (boomark / email).