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: Butterflyfish

I don't want to live on the moon

I was sworn at yesterday. No wait, I was sworn in. It was nice -- a little pomp and circumstance-y, but who doesn't like a little pomp and circumstance now and again?

I like my job. Every morning when I park at the garage and walk through the streets of the city to my office, I feel good. I feel good about the work I am doing, I feel good about the hours, I feel good about my co-workers, I even feel good about the coffee I am drinking. If you haven't been preparing for the apocalypse, by the way, you'd best start. Me drinking coffee is a sign of the end times. I am sure of it. My suddenly hating chocolate wouldn't be any more unlikely then my enjoying coffee. The Sesame Street Google pages make me happy. Things are good at home. Clownfish is as awesome as ever.

So it sounds like I'm happy, right? Well, its true I'm happier.

But I still suffer from depression and though I haven't been on meds in a long time, I have days that .... . You know, it was easier to write about this when life sucked more. It was easier to feel somehow justified in my feelings. Intellectually, I know how depression works, but in my heart??? In my heart I blame myself, in my heart I am a bad person, in my heart I don't deserve any of the good that has come my way recently or ever. . . . it was hard to write that and I don't want to write about this anymore.

I'll just end with this, my favorite song from Sesame Street, as sung by Ernie.

Well, I'd like to visit the moon
On a rocket ship high in the air
Yes, I'd like to visit the moon
But I don't think I'd like to live there
Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above
I would miss all the places and people I love
So although I might like it for one afternoon
I don't want to live on the moon

I'd like to travel under the sea
I could meet all the fish everywhere
Yes, I'd travel under the sea
But I don't think I'd like to live there
I might stay for a day there if I had my wish
But there's not much to do when your friends are all fish
And an oyster and clam aren't real family
So I don't want to live in the sea

I'd like to visit the jungle, hear the lions roar
Go back in time and meet a dinosaur
There's so many strange places I'd like to be
But none of them permanently

So if I should visit the moon
Well, I'll dance on a moonbeam and then
I will make a wish on a star
And I'll wish I was home once again
Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above
I would miss all the places and people I love
So although I may go I'll be coming home soon
'Cause I don't want to live on the moon
No, I don't want to live on the moon

Full post as published by Butterflyfish on November 07, 2009 (boomark / email).