Legal Commentary

There is no doubt that triplets, quadruplets, and other higher-order multiples (HOMs for short) attract attention.  Taking our 23-month-old triplets out is always, well, a trip.  People who venture out with us are always surprised by the attention that we draw, which runs the gamut from congratulatory to curious to downright rude.  We usually ignore the rude comments and answer the "good-faith" questions honestly, and, so long as the boys are not busy grabbing things off store shelves, try to do so somewhat patiently.  The usual comments (and my most sarcastic replies) are:

1.  "Are those triplets?"

Reply:  "No, they are all three years apart even though they are the same size.  We give the smaller ones coffee and cigarettes."

2.  "Are they natural?"  (Or my favorite variant, "Did you use fertilizer?")

Reply:  "No, they came from Mars." (Alternate reply:  "Yes, three bags of Scott's Turfbuilder, actually."

3.  "How did you get them?"

Reply:  "Well, my husband and I were very busy that night..."

4.  "Better you than me."

Reply:  "Obviously."

While we have had plenty of onlookers who have proved that they could count to three or take cell phone pictures while inspecting our boys, we have never experienced anything so terribly obnoxious as what other parents of multiples have reportedly encountered, such as strangers who insist that their children are the products of irresponsible decision making.  One apparently innocent comment, however, does raise my hackles due to the frequency with which it is asked:

5.  "Do you watch that show "Jon & Kate +8""? 

Reply:  "Yes, triplets plus a career leave lots of time for watching TV." 

For reasons that I really can't entirely verbalize, "Jon & Kate +8," a TLC reality TV show following the lives of Jon and Kate Gosselin and their 8 children (sextuplets and one set of twins), arouses my ire.  Perhaps it is the sensationalism that seems to follow the family everywhere, or the public criticism of Kate's personality and parenting skills.  Perhaps it is the fact that I seem to hear about the show everywhere I go.  It's like an annoying song (like Kajagoogoo's unfortunate 1980s hit "Too Shy") that is continously on loop, playing in the background of every store I enter and every radio station I tune into.   

Nonetheless, the show presents many interesting legal questions that I do find rather engrossing.  The Pennsylvania Department of Labor is currently considering whether the Gosselins' reality show comports with the state's child labor laws.  Each state has different child labor laws; children in California, predictably, are the most protected; regulations there, for instance, require 15% of each child's earnings to go into a "Coogan Account."  However, Pennsylvania's laws have yet to catch up with the "family reality show" fad; in that state, children seven years of age and older can receive a work permit and begin to work in entertainment.  Jon & Kate's twins, born in 2000, are older than seven, but their sextuplets (born in 2004) are clearly younger.  This raises interesting issues.  Are these children subject to child labor laws in the first place?  The Gosselins' children are filmed during their day-to-day activities, including in their own home.  Is this "work"?  Yet, the Gosselins get paid a substantial amount of money--up to $75,000--per episode because these children appear on the show.  The children--and their parents' dealings with them--are clearly the source of entertainment value.  Jon and Kate are now clearly celebrities in their own right as well, but the Gosselins have only become famous through their higher-order multiples (HOMs).  

As HOM births become more common, creating camera-ready families, states will need to update their child labor laws, making decisions that California has already considered:  how strong can the lights be, and how long can the children be under them?  What on-site care or tutoring must be provided?  How many caretakers?  Which financial arrangements will best protect the childrens' assets?  I suppose we'll have to stay tuned.