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Law Humor
: Bernard MadoffReminiscings from Ruth

If those Nazi bastards can storm troop their way into my home, lock me out, and steal everything, including my underwear, then I can use the photos that someone--whoever you are--stole from my home, and somehow sold to Getty Images.
You probably don't even remember this photo, Andy. You boys had just come home from camp and we had a welcome home party out at the beach. I loved that house.
Bernie loved using the word "mind boggling", but this is beyond mind boggling!
What? Picard is going to sell my underwear and my shoes, and use the "proceeds" to pay back "victims"? What a farce! I can only wonder who is monitoring what he's doing with my underwear!
To: Peter Chavkin
The retainer that I paid you was enough to bailout a small country, so I'm expecting you to file an action against Getty and force them to return the photo album. Throw in a criminal complaint as well. They're using stolen property, and they know it!
To my less than wonderful sons:
Are you happy now that your Mother is homeless?? What? You can txt msg away to your little friends, but you can't answer the phone when I call to say that I'm on the street without a place to sleep??
Well, for your information, I called Norma and told her that she should have more than 30 million reasons to provide a room at her hotel, so she was courteous enough to get me a room for the night, no thanks to you boys!
If you're interested, I'll be up in Westport. Cynthia is letting me stay in a spare room until I get myself settled. Or until someone figures out where I am. She says they have a new cupcake place that your kids would love, and there's a fireworks display at the beach this weekend; but of course, you're probably all "too busy".
Speaking of busy--tell your skinny cousin, the one that says she didn't have room for me in East Hampton, that her ingrate husband is a moron, and that he deserves whatever he gets. The fact that he couldn't bury those emails properly only means that he wasn't smart enough to bury anything else.
As for those loans--well, you'll have to deal with the Nazi storm troopers yourselves. The innocent until proven guilty concept doesn't work in this country anymore, and even if the loans were non-recourse, its obvious that these ridiculous prosecutors are letting mob mentality guide them.
I'm your Mother. How can you be so heartless??
Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on July 03, 2009 (boomark / email).

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