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Trump Offers A Hand to Madoff Family

To: Mark Madoff
From: Donald Trump
cc: Ben Silverman, NBC

Mark:

Ben Silverman over at NBC asked me to extend a hand to you, your lovely cousin Shana, and your pisher brother.

Ben is a very dear friend, and he's very smart. He knows that if anybody knows anything about branding, its me. And Ben wanted me to tell you that NBC is going to be the place that can really and truly escalate your brand.

Ben has some good ideas about programming that can actually extend across the entire network's platform. And I agreed to include you, Shana, your Mom, your brother Andy, and even your Uncle Pete within a special Celebrity Apprentice that can air this summer.

But you need to know that all of our celebrities bring some kind of recognized talent or expertise to the 'assignments' that we create within the competitions. And, before we go down the path of bringing you and your family onto my show, I need to understand exactly what type of skills that any of you people really have, besides the leg waxing thing.

So, I only have one question;, what the f--k have any of you ever been good at doing? I know that your Mom knows how to cook things up, and she actually looks, and even talks like Joan Rivers--which makes for great TV, but that's really all that I know about you people.

On a separate note, just like I told my good friend Larry King two days ago (who, by the way, got pinched for a million bucks by your Dad), I know that you're thinking about selling your place in Greenwich, but trust me, this is not the time to be selling real estate, this is the time to be buying. If you had asked me, before you bought that place in Nantucket last summer for what? $6.8mil?, I would have told you the market was way over priced.

But then again, it seems that everyone in your family was busy spending millions last spring, as if you had all won a lottery. Shana's place in the Hamptons, your place in Nantucket, your Uncle Peter's Aston Martin. Just as the stock market was really starting to tank. What was that all about? And why did your little brother try to quit the firm at the same time?

If I don't ask these questions, someone else is going to.

Speaking of questions, I somehow got an invoice from an "David Friehling, CPA" for "Auditing Services Rendered, Q1 2009 Earnings Report", but the bill was actually addressed to
"Ed Kelly, Chief Financial Officer, CitiGroup, Inc."

How this thing was delivered to my office is something I can't figure out. I don't know David Friehling, but I do know people over at CitiGroup--so my question is, do you want me to forward the bill over to Ed Kelly, or should I send it back to that guy Friehling?

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 18, 2009 (boomark / email).