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Ruth Hits The Restylane

To: Bernie
cc: Ira Sorkin, Esq.
cc: Peter Chavkin, Esq.
cc: Lev The Douche Dassin
cc:Irving The Nose Picker Picard

Boys:

It's 9 PM Saturday night. We had an early dinner with Nancy and Al at The Forge, a place that nobody would recognize us, especially at that hour, and now, we are safely in our FULLY owned Homestead Protected houses in Palm Beach!!

We would have gone over to Mar-A-Lago, but I absolutely refuse to spend three cents if it profits that bastard Trump.

Peter C: Please take a note, the slanderous remarks he made about me and the boys to the NY Times is intolerable. Sue him and the Times for publishing them. If either actually have any money, we'll show them what an asset seizure looks like! Talk about fraud! Trump invented the word!

Anyway, the shades are drawn and the AC is on HIGH because Marion and I are having Flashes all the time from the stress.
(diary note: more Swiss Cotton nighties from Mr Peress, PLEASE!)

Shana, Marion and I (along with my female guard whom I now call 'Zena the Jewish Princess Warrior') had a few Pom-tinis ( fresh pomegranate juice and Pravda Vodka 4-1): YUMMY. One of us might have had too many, but life is short, right?

Yes, Bernie we are eating; we have low fat cheeses, fresh Yogurt dip, cornichons, crudites and six almonds a piece.

Irving Nose Picker Picard: While you're busy picking through everything else, you may want my jewelry and my art, but certain things are sacred and I will not give up mine.

They are not "assets", but total life necessities. Marion has dreck for artwork, and Peter wouldn't know quality art work if Ezra hit him over the head with it. Which I fear that might happen next. But Ezra has to find Peter first. Trust me, he's not in the men's grill at PBCC.
Thank God for them that Shana's little girl is already doing some very nice pieces with Crayola, and can replace whatever of Marion's that you might try to get your grubby hands on.

The women of this family have decided that you have no idea what it takes to maintain our lifestyle in the minimal fashion to which some of us are being illegally and undeservedly about to become accustomed apparently. Or is it allegedly? hic

So, not counting clothing and jewelry, we made a list - from our heads down, of what we need done and how often, and by whom.

You had better be taking notes, because if you think any of us are going to get all wrinkly and grown in because certain people think we know things we do not know, you better think again. Some things are just not negotiable.

Hair: Color, cut styling, Streaks ( even " just a few" around the face:)
$450 a shot without tips. Louis does not have a Salon down here, and no one wants Miami Beach Strawberry permed hair. We will have to inquire. If you make a mistake with your hair, it takes months to get rid of the evidence. I mean the bad haircuts.. oh dear.. I better sober up a little.

Botox: . $500 a vial, every 6-8 weeks, and at least three days before a major event such as a party, a deposition or, God forbid, an arraignment. Lucky for you, I found a lovely RN who will do the botox at the house here. She is reasonable, and can also do a fair massage, if necessary.

Restylane for the Lips and naso-labial folds..$1500 a shot and VERY painful, thank you very much, but it lasts about 4-6 months.
(diary Note: look hard and long at Angelina and Octomom and do not use too much.)

Brows: $100 each time - every two weeks in between (maximum), especially if aggravation and stress are making the brows grow in grey. ( Also lashes tinted)
Shaped, waxed and tinted.. a woman's brows bring the man's eyes up to the face and make all the difference as one ages.
(diary note.. when we go to Miami to the J Sisters for Bikini waxing, get them to do this).

They also tint your "below hair", but right now, Shana is the only one thinking about that. Marion keeps hearing about Peter's little black book and is disgusted, and quite frankly, instead of thinking that Bernie is going to be grabbing at my panties when I go to visit him, I'm more concerned about the next $2mil or $5mil withdrawal that somebody is going to take an issue with.

BTW-These were NOT bonuses, and not subject to be being returned. Are any of the wives at AIG forking anything over?? I don't think so! I made a significant amount of money courtesy of Allen Stanford and everyone knows that those CD's paid 7.5%. Do the math--the money adds up after a few years.

Skin: facials every two weeks - and products. I've always used Le Mer and God forbid Evelyn or Jo Carole or Aerin would send even a sample over.. I also like Revive ( hint -hint to my LONGTIME salesgirl at Neiman's)

These products are very expensive - maybe $350 for moisturizer, $400 for night creme, eye creme and neck cream ( EACH). If we are going to economize, I hear Kiehl's has very nice natural products that cost less.
(diary note: Must look into that).

Nose: I got this nose 54 years ago when every Jewish girl on Long Island got the same nose, so I am stuck with it, but when I get my lips waxed, the good waxers go inside the nose - (Men do not have a clue how we suffer to look good for them)

(Note to Bernie: maybe there is someone there who can do this for you because you know what your nose and ears look like if we don't use that rotorooter thing.)

Lips: waxed ($30) once a week or so, ditto chin, and wherever else those little devils spring up. Oh, and moisturized all the time, especially in the sun.

Neck and decolatage: cream and neck, back and bust facials.. where to go here?? Ask around to whomever is still talking to us.
(Note to all: Stay out of the sun and always use # 70 sunblock from Switzerland.)

Bust: La Perla bras custom fitted by a good seamstress ($200 and up)
- Good jog bras from Peress of Madison Avenue - he ships, thank God; about $60 a piece.. need about 10-- if I work out every day.. I'll have to use our home gym rather than the PBCC for obvious reasons. Can't have anyone coming at me with free weights.

At this point we were really giggling, because Shana has lost so much weight, her bras look like training bras.. she needs FALSIES!!!! We are laughing so hard we almost had a wee accident.....

Panties: La Perla again. This brings us to Brazilian Bikini and thigh waxing - totally required in Florida. We are going to get driven to Lincoln Road in Miami Beach and go to The J Sisters ( from 57th Street).
(reminder: do not let anyone but LULU touch you.. or you'll get a rash).

Legs: after waxing - moisturize, and mix the cream and massage oil together. But wait a day after waxing.

Hands and feet: no girl is herself without a fabulous Mani-pedi at least once a week. I hear there are ways to do this oneself.. but I never have. so we have to find someone whose work approaches BLISS in NYC; the rose pedicure is to die for.

There are a lot of spas in Boca, but the people there are even madder at us and more - well, some are violent. Some stupid woman actually tried to hit me with her Gucci wallet. Stupid people.

WE haven't added up how much everything costs yet. But, it is peanuts compared with the upset of falling apart looks-wise. Medical insurance doesn't cover most shrinks and NEVER covers plastic surgery. I will discuss that in a future memo to the lawyers.

Ruthie, Marion and Shana signing off for tonight.

Next Update: Basic clothing needs on a budget.
(diary note: Must remember to include this in "Madoff's Guide On How To Survive on Only $15, 000 a month. The Restulyn for the lips and the naso-labial folds is much more; needs to be done professionally)

RAM
BCC: Peter, Mark, Andrew, Eric(?), Carole, Sonny

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 28, 2009 (boomark / email).