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Sunday With Bernie: Psycho Babblers

So, one New York Times reporter gets a book deal to write about me, and the rest of you come down with a case of shpilkis and write more stories that make no sense??

To whoever it was that managed to get yourself a bi-line in today's Sunday business section: You need to get more credible people to comment; a former FBI agent portrays me as a 'psychopath'??!

Its obvious that you, or that shmendrick you interviewed don't know the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. Ira is going to make this clear if this thing ever goes to trial. Did you think that maybe you should have interviewed a medical professional instead of some broken down former government employee?
FBI my eye! He hasn't even met me! He said so himself!

And, since when are FBI agents so reliable all of a sudden?? The one that did meet me didn't even pay attention to what I said! Sounds to me like the one you "interviewed" is looking for a job to work on some stupid TV show!

Why don't you ask Mr. Genius-Former-FBI-Profiler whether he thinks there's a difference between Dick Cheney and Hugo Chavez! Go ahead and print that interview!!

Like I said, there are maybe two or three reporters that are getting this story right so far. The rest of you? Oy.

So that everyone knows, unlike a 'psychopath', a sociopath is someone that has remorse about what he did, especially towards loved ones and friends.

Ira will make this all very clear when the time comes, but in the meantime, ask any of my family about how much I care about them! (Don't ask Sonnie, though. I never much liked her; a real kvetcher all of the time. But, I did give her stupid son a job. If I didn't, he'd have been working in a button factory all these years, and that wouldn't reflect so good on me.)

Ask Mark or Andy if I don't feel bad about what's happened! Didn't I send them boxes of watches and other jewelry to show how sorry I was??!

Sure, they sent them to their lawyer, and their lawyer made a big deal about it in the press. How else would anyone know how caring I am?? And, how about my writing out $170 million worth of checks to a bunch of people last month when I knew there was going to be a mess? See? I care about plenty of people!!

I didn't want to have to do this, but here's a note that Mark just sent me on the blackberry. (That's a picture of Mark on the upper left). This note proves how much my family loves me!

And, for anyone that thinks this isn't a real note from him, I've got nothing more to say on the subject. Nobody is forcing you to read it or to buy into it!

Dear Dad:

Of course we love you and Mom, even if the blog you've been writing is a bit out of control, and between us, it wasn't making the guys on 19 very happy. But Uncle Pete fired them all on Friday, so I guess that's water under the bridge.

Just so you know, we all appreciate everything that you're doing to keep us out of the spotlight.

And speaking of spotlights, I took your advice and had some bigger ones installed outside the house in Nantucket. Sorry that I didn't have the chance to run in to "F.A." while I was up that way, but I did like you said, and offered his housekeeper a job at our place. News pending on that one.

Andy sends his love, and he took your advice about the Jdate thing. As always, you were right; when it comes to finding girls, Uncle Pete does have a much better rolodex, even if getting it back from Spitzer was a bit of a pain in the ass. Can you believe that Eliot actually said he'd only give it back if Frank sent him his account balance?

You were right again, Dad. Most people in this world forget about what you did for them yesterday, and only care about what you're going to do for them tomorrow.

Sure, you gave me and Andy plenty of grief over the years. But, its not like either one of us were ever going to get a job at Goldman, and you've made sure that we're all reasonably comfortable. Andy's still a little pissed off that he had to be the one with an open account at BMIS instead of me, but I told him that's what little brothers are for.

I know that you never asked for my opinions when it came to business, and like you always like to say to me and Andy that "Its none of your f--king business!!", but for what its worth, I don't know that John Thain would be a good choice for working at MIDAS. That kid Bret at NYSE told me that he's "seeing some traffic on their emails about 'more shoes dropping'."

Its actually unbelievable that Thain was able to get away with writing bonus checks to his people at Merrill, but you weren't. But, the fact that you made the effort proves that you're not the "psycopath" that some people are making you out to be.

Last- I know things might be a bit tight right now, but just wanted to let you know that Andy I are planning to borrow the jet and spend some quality time on a fishing trip down in Cabo. Don't worry, we'll be testing a new line of Abel rods, so the trip is all tax-deductible.

Uncle Pete said that he'll handle the orders on the desk while we're away, and Jodi said she'll lend a hand and send out the trade confirms. Shana said Eric would make sure the compliance side was covered. I asked Frank D. if he'd come in, but he's been acting kind of strange lately. Not sure why you seemed to trust him more than us, but it was a stroke of genius on Ira's part to have Mukasey's son on board before the shit hit the fan.

BTW-Andy is hoping you'll stop with the jokes about us "going after pikers" while you going after whales. You know that he was the bed wetter in the family and he doesn't have much of a sense of humor. Anyway, I'll be in touch later. Mark.

P.S. I don't know what you're saying to that reporter Jane Wells at CNBC, but I got a weird email from some Eskimo in Alaska that says he used to do work for you, and that he's "run out of printer cartridges and that the Costco in Anchorage doesn't accept Bernie Dollars". I won't ask what that's all about. I'm just glad that I put in more spotlights at the place in Nantucket.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 25, 2009 (boomark / email).