Law Humor

Weekend with Patriotic Bernie: I'm Answering Some Questions; Feeder Funds and Great Places to Feed.

To all of you wannabe "investigator journalists", try coming up something new for a change! The story about Frank Avellino isn't a headline; I told you about this a month ago!

I hate repeating myself, especially when it comes to answering questions, but to bring this nonsense to rest, I will.

1. Of course I know Frank. We grew up together!

2. Of course he put investors into BMIS for years.

3. Sure, Ira represented him and Mike Bienes back in '92 when some silly questions were raised about what they were doing with the $400 mil they raised. Why Ira said he doesn't remember how he was introduced to Frank and Mike is for Ira to answer. His memory might not be so good either! Who can remember back 15 years?? And about the SEC people and the other lawyers involved in that mess, you expect them to remember anything??

BTW- Mike is a mensch, and he's contributed millions to charitable causes!!

4. Sure, Lee Richards was the same court-appointed trustee that made sure all of those investors got their money back then--anybody think that's why he was appointed at the outset of this stupid inquisition??

5. I don't know what or why Frank told his housekeeper about her investments with him. I've got enough problems with my own housekeepers right now!! Even with the holiday bonus we gave them, Ruth is still kvetching about the silverware not being polished!

6. Sure, Frank has a place down the street from me in Palm Beach, and a place a few blocks away from us here in Manhattan. So what?? You know how many people live in Palm Beach?? And you know how many people live within a few blocks of us here?? THOUSANDS!
So what???

To you conspiracy nuts: if you want to read about a real conspiracy, click on the link on the right side under My Favorite Links: "What I'm reading now" Great stuff!

Next: Ken Lewis from BofA said he was "just being patriotic" when he took 10 cargo ship's worth of hundred dollar bills from his public company's treasury(without asking his share holders), and paid top dollar for Merrill Lynch.

In that case, I'm a much bigger patriot than f--king Ken Lewis! The tax money that went to the US Government courtesy of my investors--at least those that reported their income--was in the B-i-l-l-i-o-n-s.

And, how about the hundreds of millions that my investors spend every year on shopping, on employing housekeepers, on buying cars, on restaurants, on summer camps, on doctor bills, and on f--king defibrillators made in the USA!!!

If that's not being patriotic, I don't know what it is! Ken Lewis?? Taking investor's money to buy a failing brokerage firm that was drowning in toxic debt is patriotic??

OK, I'm crazy...and if you think so, make a comment. Ira's keeping a list of all the crazy votes.

Next: To answer a question that was sent yesterday "What do you recommend people that invested in the "feeder funds" do to recover money?"

1. First, I suggest getting something good to eat.

For example, if you're in Greenwich CT, or the surrounding area, there's a place right on the water--Ruth and I took our boat up there to have lunch with Walter and his wife..its called l'escale . A little hoty toyty for me, but Ruth liked it, and Walter tells me that he's been feeding his investors there since it opened.

One of Walter's son-in-laws has been feeding his investors at a great place in London; Christopher's The American Grill. I just checked online and they're offering a 25% coupon.

If you're near the French Riviera, there's a place down the street from our house there; Cafe des Chineurs . Great food, and very reasonable prices. One of Ruth's fav's. That's a picture of the place on the left. I'll be listing some of these places in the Madoff's Survivor Guide; How To Manage on only $15,000 a month.

I don't know where Ezra fed his investors, but why take investors out to fancy restaurants when you've got a shmancy mansion like his on Park Avenue??

2. As far as who to ask for help, SIPC said something about putting everyone into the same boat. I'd think that wouldn't be true if an investor didn't have an account directly with BMIS.

But then again, with people like Hank Paulson and Barney Fife down in Washington changing the rules every day, and the people overseeing FART (I mean "tarp") moving money around without telling anyone, who knows?? Maybe you'll get lucky. Submit a claim and see what happens! I've got extra brokerage account stationery if you need it! Call Jodi or Frank D. on that.

Aside, if you haven't read the papers, there's plenty of law firms that are busy suing people like Ezra, The Noel's, Sonja's Bank Medici, and some others. Herrick Feinstein is a good firm, try calling them; if they can sue the SEC, they can sue a ham sandwich or anything else that has to do with feeding.

But, since I don't know what those feeder fund people said to investors, and since most of them didn't ask me any questions, and since some didn't say where they were investing the money, its not my problem.

And the fact is, I don't know what you can sue for. Especially if you have a case of dopamine.

3. A bunch of those funds paid back their investors even more than they had put in. . And more than a few got plenty of money sent to them in the last year. So what's the kvetching about??

If they took out more than they put in, how can they be saying they lost anything??!! I need to say this again: the whole mishagos about $50 billion; Trust me, $50 billion wasn't "lost". It was paper. And the people that are kvetching about what they supposedly lost should remember what they put in, and what they took out. Sonja can explain that better. So can the Noels. Bob Jaffe might be a bit confused, he's got a case of dopamine. Just like me.

4. If those funds actually did something wrong, whether saying they did due diligence and actually didn't, or not disclosing fees they might have gotten paid by us, I'm guessing they have insurance. If AIG was the insurance company, the good news is that Hank Paulson is writing another check out of the FART fund to AIG. Ask Hank Greenberg, I think he's putting in a claim, and he knows the people at AIG.

5. If you read my posting yesterday, it said that the IRS allows you to carry forward losses on phantom profits. But I think that only applies if the fund you invested in was determined to have done something wrong. Bottom line; ask your lawyer, or your own accountant, maybe that guy Sager in Connecticut.

Finally- I need to mention a very nice guy that writes in every day with some great observations. His name is Arthur. Two master degrees from Dartmouth, and a former real estate banker. Great resume! He lives in San Francisco, and he's got a bunch of properties that he'd like to sell, some rental units and a few other income-producing properties. Or, he'd be just as happy getting paid a few bucks to provide advice.

He could use some work, and I'm thinking he's a sharp cookie. If you think this is a good time to get into real estate, email Arthur. His email is: arthurprit@gmail.com

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 17, 2009 (boomark / email).