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Madoff Family Denies Bernie Suffered A Stroke: Defibrillator Was Ruth's Idea! Bob Jaffe: Phone Home!

No, I didn't have a heart attack, but if Andy doesn't stop with the dancing on my grave routine, I'm going to give him a heart attack!

Yes, the stupid story about Ruth buying a couple of defibrillators is true..What can I tell you? She thought they'd perk up our sex life! But then she figured out they weren't the kind of sex toys that she was shopping for. Oy, Ruth.

Yes, they cost $1800 each--Ruth bought one for the co-op here on 64th, and one for the house in Montauk. She hates to return things, so we kept them. Actually, I think they're very useful to keep around the house.

You think that's a lot of money to pay?? Do you know what a Prada pocketbook cost?!! Ask Shana--she has 6 of them!! (Trust me, she bought those with the company credit card..but she's a good girl, so I said OK) And, God only knows how many Ruth has stuck in all of the closets in Palm Beach and in Europe!

But these defibrillators are actually very important. Trust me. And, Ruth got a great deal from the company; their name is Legend Safety--very nice people. They're in Monsey NY. They're actually right down the street from Sonja's house!

Don't go calling them if you want some gossip about which checking accounts we used to pay for them. We paid for them out of our pockets, not from BMIS business accounts.

So that means these aren't assets that belong to anybody but me and Ruth, and the kids, and since Bob Jaffe went missing today, maybe for the prosecutors that were so stupid for not keeping a closer eye on him.

If I were the one that let him slip out of my sight, I'd be having a stroke too! That's a picture of Bob on the right, with his lovely wife. If you run into Bob, call whoever you're supposed to call.. Or call Andy, he likes dropping dimes on people.

See? I'm cooperating with the prosecutors!.. And God knows that Carl Shapiro wants to get his hands on Bob too..

So anyway, when you call those people at Legend for the heart shockers, don't ask a lot of questions...nobody likes a lot of stupid questions. Ask too many, and you can't buy anything from them.. If you want to buy something, then call them...tell them you want a Madoff family discount! And, check out some of their other stuff, its like a toy store for safety equipment..

And, if this FART program that Paulson is screwing up blows up in everyone's face, trust me, we're all going to need household safety equipment.

But defibrillators are something that come in handy. Not just for prosecutors that lose material witnesses, but especially for the wives that are concerned about their husbands having a stroke when they have to fill out the SIPC claim forms and realize they don't have a record of their initial deposit with us...What a pain in the tukus.

More later...

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 13, 2009 (boomark / email).