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Law Humor
: Bernard MadoffBreakfast with Bernie-To My Neighbors; I'm Not Going Anywhere

There's lots of hullabaloo about the stupid idea of putting me in jail because I sent some gifts to family and friends. As one of my readers pointed out, there's something called the Constitution, and the 8th Amendment is very clear on the topic. Bail can only be revoked if I present a flight risk. My f--king plane is in the shop for repair, so its not like I'm flying on that thing! What? Somebody thinks I'm going to escape from my penthouse roof?!
Speaking of my penthouse, to that little girl from the NY Times that got a copy of the letter I sent to my neighbors; the one where I apologized for the slight inconvenience for all of the idiot reporters outside the building: Of course I typed out that letter! I'm a nice guy! Did I have to apologize?? NO. But I did, even though I was running out of printer cartridges! Do you know how much those f--king things cost?? Jodi-take a note and send over some more printer cartridges, there's a bunch of account statements that need to get sent out!
And of course Ruth tipped the doormen and the other people in our building for Christmas!! They shouldn't be tipped??
Obviously I'm not going anywhere..Didn't anybody read that the prosecutor isn't even ready to indict me for anything? And that he needs at leastt another month or two to figure out if I really did anything wrong??!! Of course I'm cooperating! That's why I'm blogging about everything! Ask the SEC if they don't think this is helping...they're coming to this site every day, along with thousands of other people!!!!
(And thanks to that nice little girl Edith at FEI--Edith you're doing a great job with that blog of your's by helping people from the Street--and in fact, I need a new accountant--someone that's good with spreadsheets--have them get hold of me on my blackberry--or send a note from the Ask Me A Question section on the right side of this page.
Next: Sweet little Shana--(she's the one in the middle of the photo), she doesn't deserve the garbage being written about her and her shopping. Sure, she likes buying clothes and shoes. What girl doesn't?? Do you have any idea how much she's contributed to the GDP?? Its people like her that supports this crappy economy!!
Speaking of which, while everyone is busy kvetching and trying to count our money, lets not forget that me, my sweet wife, my kids, Bob Jaffe, the Noel's, Ezra, and everyone else that I partnered with has contributed tens of millions to the economy here in the US, in Switzerland, and plenty of other places.
Housekeeping: To the fellow that emailed in and asked "how long do I expect to be in jail for": Who says I expect to be in jail?? And who says that being cooped up here with Ruth is a picnic??
Maybe Dick Cheney should be in jail! Has anyone counted how much the f--king war in Iraq has cost us and where the hundreds of billions has actually gone?? Of course not! And lets not even talk about the $700 billion FART money that Hank Paulson pissed away. Does anyone know where that money is?? My bookkeeping system is 10x better than the government's, and I can account for every penny..
That's why I'm not going to jail so soon!
Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 12, 2009 (boomark / email).

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